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If You Still Recognize Me
This heartfelt, poignant YA debut is a second-chance summer romance that will steal your heart--perfect for fans of Heartstopper, Some Girls Do, and It's Not Like it's a Secret . This summer, Elsie is finally going to confess her feelings to her longtime--and long-distance--crush. Ada's fanfics are to die for, and she just gets Elsie like no one else. That is, until Joan, Elsie's childhood best friend, literally walks back into her life and slots in like she never left. Like she never moved away to Hong Kong and never ignored Elsie's dozens of emails and letters. Then Ada mentions her grandmother's own long-lost pen pal (and maybe love?), a woman who once lived only a train ride away from Elsie's Oxford home, and Elsie gets the idea for the perfect grand gesture. But as her plan to reunite the two older women ignites a summer of repairing broken bonds, Elsie starts to wonder if she, too, can recover the things she's lost... With a beautifully earnest voice and a dash of fandom, this wistful and delightful novel is a love letter to queer coming-of-age, finding community, and finding yourself.
1 pages, Audio CD
First published June 9, 2022
150 people are currently reading
17.5k people want to read
About the author
Cynthia So
6books212followersCynthia So is the author of If You Still Recognise Me, which was shortlisted for the Waterstones Children’s Book Prize and the YA Book Prize in 2023. They were one of the new voices in Proud, an anthology of LGBTQ+ YA stories, poems, and art by LGBTQ+ creators, published in 2019. Their short fiction and poetry have also appeared in Uncanny Magazine, Strange Horizons, and Anathema, among others. Cynthia was born in Hong Kong and lives in London with their wife.
Their second novel, This Feast of a Life, will be out on 9 January 2025.
Their second novel, This Feast of a Life, will be out on 9 January 2025.
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August 25, 2022A gorgeous sapphic YA romance that explores family and cultural identity amidst a complex web of friendships and crushes... loved this so much!
June 16, 2024
this was absolutely breathtaking and vulnerable and oh-so-damn-relatable.
of course it’s relatable in that i’m also a girl who’s bisexual, struggling with her identity in her country while trying to stay on top of her studies.
but it’s also relatable in the sense that i, too, have online friends living overseas who i’ve given my heart to despite the distance between us (seas). i, too, have fandom-mania with my favorite forms of media and love bonding over certain hyperfixations with my friends through social media (just like elsie with eden recoiling, or ER). i, too, used to freeze whenever anything queer came up on television, like there’s a rainbow searchlight beaming from the screen directly onto my face (because i was scared. i was sixteen and scared about what being a little more interested in girls than i should be said about me). i, too, am a firm defender of bubble tea and love chewing into those tapioca pearls (and mull over my life and have an existential crisis � like i said, very normal things to do). i, too, love reading fanfiction on my phone in public (while discreetly angling the screen away from other people when anything remotely sexy is happening). i, too, start screaming crying throwing up at 3 am when my two favorite characters finally get together after everything the author has put them through (the euphoria is truly unmatched). i, too, have fights with my parents at points (sometimes over what is so broken it seems irreparable, but we always try to reach common ground). i, too, believe in the supremacy of quiet love � of what isn’t always seen but it’s felt in our heart of hearts over the littlest things (like food being a love language).
so i thank the author from the bottom of my heart for giving us elsie.
but more importantly, i appreciate the way the author addressed the topic of platonic friendships because they are so dear to us. ritika, ada and joan are characters who impacted elsie’s life in different ways but changed the way she perceived love and i love them for it.
i also liked how open-ended and hopeful this was left, in the end. it’s not that their story is over now that they’ve fallen in love � it’s only just begun. joan and elsie have only just started relearning what and who they are to each other. elsie and ada’s convos and fangirling over ER will continue no matter what. felix will never not be a little shit. it’s just very lifting and inspiring. i’m glad it didn’t end in elsie coming out as bi either, because after the way this story was written, i feel it would’ve been a cop-out. not every story needs to end in coming out and rainbows and sunshine. this story just exists and i appreciate it for that.
of course it’s relatable in that i’m also a girl who’s bisexual, struggling with her identity in her country while trying to stay on top of her studies.
but it’s also relatable in the sense that i, too, have online friends living overseas who i’ve given my heart to despite the distance between us (seas). i, too, have fandom-mania with my favorite forms of media and love bonding over certain hyperfixations with my friends through social media (just like elsie with eden recoiling, or ER). i, too, used to freeze whenever anything queer came up on television, like there’s a rainbow searchlight beaming from the screen directly onto my face (because i was scared. i was sixteen and scared about what being a little more interested in girls than i should be said about me). i, too, am a firm defender of bubble tea and love chewing into those tapioca pearls (and mull over my life and have an existential crisis � like i said, very normal things to do). i, too, love reading fanfiction on my phone in public (while discreetly angling the screen away from other people when anything remotely sexy is happening). i, too, start screaming crying throwing up at 3 am when my two favorite characters finally get together after everything the author has put them through (the euphoria is truly unmatched). i, too, have fights with my parents at points (sometimes over what is so broken it seems irreparable, but we always try to reach common ground). i, too, believe in the supremacy of quiet love � of what isn’t always seen but it’s felt in our heart of hearts over the littlest things (like food being a love language).
so i thank the author from the bottom of my heart for giving us elsie.
i’m grateful for my silly, quivering heart, hopelessly frail and terrifyingly defenseless as it is. i’m grateful for it in all its messiness.
but more importantly, i appreciate the way the author addressed the topic of platonic friendships because they are so dear to us. ritika, ada and joan are characters who impacted elsie’s life in different ways but changed the way she perceived love and i love them for it.
i also liked how open-ended and hopeful this was left, in the end. it’s not that their story is over now that they’ve fallen in love � it’s only just begun. joan and elsie have only just started relearning what and who they are to each other. elsie and ada’s convos and fangirling over ER will continue no matter what. felix will never not be a little shit. it’s just very lifting and inspiring. i’m glad it didn’t end in elsie coming out as bi either, because after the way this story was written, i feel it would’ve been a cop-out. not every story needs to end in coming out and rainbows and sunshine. this story just exists and i appreciate it for that.
July 18, 2022
I received an eARC from Little Tiger Books in exchange for an honest review!
We aren’t even a week into June and I already know I’ve found one of the best books of the summer.
Elsie has just finished her A-Level exams, and the long summer ahead of her promises to be one filled with excitement. There’s travelling with her best friend, finding a job she loves, meeting new people, keeping up with her favourite comic, chatting to her internet friend-turned-crush. But then there’s also her grandmother from Hong Kong - a woman she hasn’t seen since childhood - staying in her house, the loss of a grandfather she barely knew, her childhood best friend returning after years of radio silence, and family secrets no one will share.
All of this and more is happening, and I never thought it was too much.
This is a coming of age story following a bisexual, Chinese-British girl in a summer of discovery. I am not the biggest fan of first person narration usually, but I found it worked perfectly here. Elsie is a self-proclaimed romantic and the prose is so in-keeping with that. This is a big time and her feelings are bigger and we hear how they physically fill her, expanding in her chest and filling gaps between her ribs. And there are such quiet, introspective and tender moments amongst these Big Feelings and formative experiences. The morning routine of breakfast in the garden with the grandmother you’re trying to understand, looking at a wardrobe filled with clothes bought less for your tastes than to appease others, the gravity of calling someone ‘Uncle� for the first time.
I loved the exploration of and relationship with identity throughout. Though personally confident in her sexuality, it is all too familiar a feeling to mostly have that confidence internally, and to withdraw from those less accepting. The scene with the family’s quiet reaction to the gay kiss on TV really struck me. I felt the air leave the room, the tension palpable, and knew from early on just how much this author understands these moments. There is also such an interesting balance of having a strong attachment to culture and heritage as well as feeling something of a disconnect from it sometimes. We get to see this explored through memories, food, language, clothes, the ways we may seek approval and who we seek it from. Elsie hasn’t been back to Hong Kong in years, whereas Joan, her childhood best friend, has been there that whole time. She knows things Elsie has forgotten or never knew to begin with, and I was very grateful to learn things along with her, particularly about the kinds of labels used by queer people there. This book tackles eurocentric beauty standards, the fetishisation of Asian women, and wondering if you are ‘enough� of something. There are so many identities wonderfully represented in this book, and it handles those questions: Am I feminine enough? Am I queer enough? Am I enough?
And this book is as much about identity as it is about loss - the loss of contact, loss of time, and sometimes feeling the loss of a person less so than the loss of what they could have been to you.
If You Still Recognise Me is unapologetically and delightfully queer, with the most affirming queer elders and a found family of wonderful side characters that I just want to be friends with. It celebrates LGBT+ identities and queer art, particularly the comic Elsie and her internet friends love (that I would honestly like to read myself!).
With a mystery to solve, a trail to follow, comics to read, family secrets to uncover, holidays by the sea and a heartwarming sapphic romance, this book is a celebration of friendship, fandom and identity. It’s a perfect summer read and now one of my new favourites ever!
We aren’t even a week into June and I already know I’ve found one of the best books of the summer.
Elsie has just finished her A-Level exams, and the long summer ahead of her promises to be one filled with excitement. There’s travelling with her best friend, finding a job she loves, meeting new people, keeping up with her favourite comic, chatting to her internet friend-turned-crush. But then there’s also her grandmother from Hong Kong - a woman she hasn’t seen since childhood - staying in her house, the loss of a grandfather she barely knew, her childhood best friend returning after years of radio silence, and family secrets no one will share.
All of this and more is happening, and I never thought it was too much.
This is a coming of age story following a bisexual, Chinese-British girl in a summer of discovery. I am not the biggest fan of first person narration usually, but I found it worked perfectly here. Elsie is a self-proclaimed romantic and the prose is so in-keeping with that. This is a big time and her feelings are bigger and we hear how they physically fill her, expanding in her chest and filling gaps between her ribs. And there are such quiet, introspective and tender moments amongst these Big Feelings and formative experiences. The morning routine of breakfast in the garden with the grandmother you’re trying to understand, looking at a wardrobe filled with clothes bought less for your tastes than to appease others, the gravity of calling someone ‘Uncle� for the first time.
I loved the exploration of and relationship with identity throughout. Though personally confident in her sexuality, it is all too familiar a feeling to mostly have that confidence internally, and to withdraw from those less accepting. The scene with the family’s quiet reaction to the gay kiss on TV really struck me. I felt the air leave the room, the tension palpable, and knew from early on just how much this author understands these moments. There is also such an interesting balance of having a strong attachment to culture and heritage as well as feeling something of a disconnect from it sometimes. We get to see this explored through memories, food, language, clothes, the ways we may seek approval and who we seek it from. Elsie hasn’t been back to Hong Kong in years, whereas Joan, her childhood best friend, has been there that whole time. She knows things Elsie has forgotten or never knew to begin with, and I was very grateful to learn things along with her, particularly about the kinds of labels used by queer people there. This book tackles eurocentric beauty standards, the fetishisation of Asian women, and wondering if you are ‘enough� of something. There are so many identities wonderfully represented in this book, and it handles those questions: Am I feminine enough? Am I queer enough? Am I enough?
And this book is as much about identity as it is about loss - the loss of contact, loss of time, and sometimes feeling the loss of a person less so than the loss of what they could have been to you.
If You Still Recognise Me is unapologetically and delightfully queer, with the most affirming queer elders and a found family of wonderful side characters that I just want to be friends with. It celebrates LGBT+ identities and queer art, particularly the comic Elsie and her internet friends love (that I would honestly like to read myself!).
With a mystery to solve, a trail to follow, comics to read, family secrets to uncover, holidays by the sea and a heartwarming sapphic romance, this book is a celebration of friendship, fandom and identity. It’s a perfect summer read and now one of my new favourites ever!
April 19, 2023
I don’t know where to start with this review. I’ve been asking myself this since I first read the book nearly a year ago and I’m not getting any closer to an answer. So, I guess I should just start? I loved If You Still Recognise Me. It is one of the best books I read last year and I implore you to pick this up, especially if you’re familiar with my tastes and know yours are similar, because this book could not be more up my alley if it tried.
This book was everything that I love in YA contemporary: a coming of age story exploring the complexities of family, friendship and first love, alongside an equal balance of lighthearted teen fun and touching moments. I related a lot to Elsie, our main character, and really loved watching her come into herself as the novel progressed. She’s introverted and struggles to make friends but lives for a graphic novel series and its fandom. I adored the emphasis placed on online friendships as, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without mine.
I particularly adored Joan, our love interest. She is a butch lesbian who until very recently had been living in Hong Kong and I just loved the way she spoke about her experience with sexuality and gender expression in this context. I fell completely head over heels for her which is very rare for me in books—she was just that good. On that note, I really enjoyed reading about Elsie’s experience with being queer and Chinese too—what that meant for her and what it meant for her family. There were some incredibly touching moments along this plotline and it was overall just incredible.
Much of the above was written shortly after finishing the book and I’ll admit that, at this point, I don’t remember it well enough to write much more (perhaps one day I’ll reread and try again to do this book justice in my review) so I’ll leave you with this: read this book. Please. If you enjoy Alice Oseman’s friendships, mental health focus and British setting or if you enjoy Ciara Smyth’s useless lesbians not admitting their Very Obvious feelings for each other and teen hijinks or if you just want to feel warm and loved for a few hours, then this is the book for you. I firmly believe that this book deserves to be the next big thing in queer YA and I hope its upcoming US release will help get it there, or, at the very least, into the hands of the readers who need it most. It’s like Heartstopper but sapphic, what’s not to love?
I also talk about books here: | |
*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley*
This book was everything that I love in YA contemporary: a coming of age story exploring the complexities of family, friendship and first love, alongside an equal balance of lighthearted teen fun and touching moments. I related a lot to Elsie, our main character, and really loved watching her come into herself as the novel progressed. She’s introverted and struggles to make friends but lives for a graphic novel series and its fandom. I adored the emphasis placed on online friendships as, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without mine.
I particularly adored Joan, our love interest. She is a butch lesbian who until very recently had been living in Hong Kong and I just loved the way she spoke about her experience with sexuality and gender expression in this context. I fell completely head over heels for her which is very rare for me in books—she was just that good. On that note, I really enjoyed reading about Elsie’s experience with being queer and Chinese too—what that meant for her and what it meant for her family. There were some incredibly touching moments along this plotline and it was overall just incredible.
Much of the above was written shortly after finishing the book and I’ll admit that, at this point, I don’t remember it well enough to write much more (perhaps one day I’ll reread and try again to do this book justice in my review) so I’ll leave you with this: read this book. Please. If you enjoy Alice Oseman’s friendships, mental health focus and British setting or if you enjoy Ciara Smyth’s useless lesbians not admitting their Very Obvious feelings for each other and teen hijinks or if you just want to feel warm and loved for a few hours, then this is the book for you. I firmly believe that this book deserves to be the next big thing in queer YA and I hope its upcoming US release will help get it there, or, at the very least, into the hands of the readers who need it most. It’s like Heartstopper but sapphic, what’s not to love?
I also talk about books here: | |
*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley*
May 13, 2022
If you're wondering if this book is good, I started it at 7pm and I'd finished by midnight. I simply could not put it down.
If You Still Recognise Me is a love letter to nerdy, queer, tumblr teens who grew up surrounded by fandom and found comfort in their little space on the internet and the friends they made there.
This is one of those books that I had to put down a number of times because it was too relatable. And yes, I am mourning for teen Holly who needed this book, but I'm beyond glad young people will get to read it and see themselves represented.
The amount of representation was absolutely amazing to see and was so well integrated. Whilst the main character is sure of her bisexuality, we get to see a number of her friends figuring out their sexuality in a way that I know will help so many questioning teens. I absolutely loved seeing so many facets of the queer community on page through our young group of teens (lesbian, gay, asexual, non-binary, etc.), but what really stood out, was how beautifully Cynthia So included adult and elderly queer rep, something so rarely seen, especially in this much depth.
With this range of ages, Cynthia So does a brilliant job of showing the generational gap when it comes to reactions to queerness in a way that manages to be both heartbreaking but beautifully hopeful all at the same time. Throughout the book a number of characters discuss their struggles with coming-out-to their family, and share worries about parent reactions, and whilst there are some negative responses, overall, Cynthia So has crafted a sincerely optimistic portrayal of the queer experience.
Now, another part of this book that I absolutely LOVED, was its exploration of fandom spaces. And as someone who was a tumblr teen and grew up within the peak of fandom tumblr (yes I'm talking Superwholock), let me just say Cynthia So captured it perfectly. Fandom spaces are so important to the queer community because for a lot of us, it was the first place we saw ourselves represented and the first place where we got to talk to people who felt the same as us.
Not only does Cynthia So show the importance of fandom spaces and give online friendships the importance they deserve, but they also use it to highlight the disparity of queer and POC rep in media, and the effect this not only has on teens themselves, but how it can negatively impact those around them. At one point of the book, Joan explains how there isn't really any queer rep in Hong Kong and the effect this has on her homophobic dad. Positive queer and POC rep is SO important, and that's what Cynthia So provides with this book.
I truly cannot recommend this book enough, and if you follow me on TikTok and Instagram, apologies in advance because this is all I'll be talking about for the next few months.
If You Still Recognise Me is a love letter to nerdy, queer, tumblr teens who grew up surrounded by fandom and found comfort in their little space on the internet and the friends they made there.
This is one of those books that I had to put down a number of times because it was too relatable. And yes, I am mourning for teen Holly who needed this book, but I'm beyond glad young people will get to read it and see themselves represented.
The amount of representation was absolutely amazing to see and was so well integrated. Whilst the main character is sure of her bisexuality, we get to see a number of her friends figuring out their sexuality in a way that I know will help so many questioning teens. I absolutely loved seeing so many facets of the queer community on page through our young group of teens (lesbian, gay, asexual, non-binary, etc.), but what really stood out, was how beautifully Cynthia So included adult and elderly queer rep, something so rarely seen, especially in this much depth.
With this range of ages, Cynthia So does a brilliant job of showing the generational gap when it comes to reactions to queerness in a way that manages to be both heartbreaking but beautifully hopeful all at the same time. Throughout the book a number of characters discuss their struggles with coming-out-to their family, and share worries about parent reactions, and whilst there are some negative responses, overall, Cynthia So has crafted a sincerely optimistic portrayal of the queer experience.
Now, another part of this book that I absolutely LOVED, was its exploration of fandom spaces. And as someone who was a tumblr teen and grew up within the peak of fandom tumblr (yes I'm talking Superwholock), let me just say Cynthia So captured it perfectly. Fandom spaces are so important to the queer community because for a lot of us, it was the first place we saw ourselves represented and the first place where we got to talk to people who felt the same as us.
Not only does Cynthia So show the importance of fandom spaces and give online friendships the importance they deserve, but they also use it to highlight the disparity of queer and POC rep in media, and the effect this not only has on teens themselves, but how it can negatively impact those around them. At one point of the book, Joan explains how there isn't really any queer rep in Hong Kong and the effect this has on her homophobic dad. Positive queer and POC rep is SO important, and that's what Cynthia So provides with this book.
I truly cannot recommend this book enough, and if you follow me on TikTok and Instagram, apologies in advance because this is all I'll be talking about for the next few months.
September 4, 2024
[KWIECIEŃ 2023]
ta książka zasługuje na specjalne miejsce w moim sercu, mimo wszystkich uszczerbków emocjonalnych, jakie ze sobą przyniosła.
nie mam słów…to było tak piękne!
queerowość, rodzina, mnóstwo pytań w głowie, fandomowe miłostki, crush’owanie, przyjaźń, poszukiwania - to wszystko zostało dopasowane do siebie wręcz idealnie
był uśmiech, był wzrusz, były nerwy, był stres, BYŁO WSZYSTKO, a po ostatniej stronie była tylko chęć powrotu do strony tytułowej🥹
[WRZESIEŃ 2024]
jestem tak szczęśliwa, że w końcu mamy w Polsce tego skarba!! czytajcie, zakochujcie się, szukajcie siebie razem z Elsie💛
ta książka zasługuje na specjalne miejsce w moim sercu, mimo wszystkich uszczerbków emocjonalnych, jakie ze sobą przyniosła.
nie mam słów…to było tak piękne!
queerowość, rodzina, mnóstwo pytań w głowie, fandomowe miłostki, crush’owanie, przyjaźń, poszukiwania - to wszystko zostało dopasowane do siebie wręcz idealnie
był uśmiech, był wzrusz, były nerwy, był stres, BYŁO WSZYSTKO, a po ostatniej stronie była tylko chęć powrotu do strony tytułowej🥹
[WRZESIEŃ 2024]
jestem tak szczęśliwa, że w końcu mamy w Polsce tego skarba!! czytajcie, zakochujcie się, szukajcie siebie razem z Elsie💛
November 6, 2023
no YOU are thinking about your past homoerotic friendships
May 11, 2023
TW//
If You Still Recognize Me is an adorable and heartfelt young adult sapphic romance. It follows Elsie who has a crush on her internet best friend and is planning on making a big gesture to show her friend that she likes her. However, as she goes into town one day, she bumps into her old best friend who she lost contact with several years before. It’s a summer of change and love for Elsie as she spends one last summer in her hometown before she heads to university. This story isn’t without its flaws, but I still loved it and I was caught off guard by the complex issues that the story tackles.
I thought this story was going to be a light, cheesy romance and I was pleasantly surprised by how this book was so much more than that. This story tackles topics like grief, complicated relationships with family members, toxic relationships, and discovering your place in the world. It doesn’t shy away from the messiness of some of these issues and I really appreciated that.
The cast of this book is incredibly diverse and because of that, it gave insight into queer communities across the globe. The two main characters are both from Hong Kong and they’re both part of the LGBTQ+ community, but because they spent their teen years in different parts of the world, they each had different experiences with being queer. Elsie provided what it’s like to be Asian and queer in the U.K. and Joan gave insight into what it’s like to be queer in Hong Kong. It was really fascinating to read about and it’s not a topic that I see many young adult books tackle. I also really liked Felix’s storyline. He explores his asexuality in this book and the way it was written was beautiful. Reading his experience with discovering his identity in this book truly means a lot to me as someone who’s ace and needed this kind of rep when I was a teen. I’d honestly love a whole spin-off novel focusing on Felix some day.
I found Cynthia So’s writing style to work really well for me. It was fast paced and really engaging. The writing style is part of what carried the book for me. It wasn’t too flowery most of the time, but Cynthia really knew when to add in lots of beautiful similes and metaphors to make certain scenes more powerful.
As I said earlier, this book did have some flaws though. The story felt a bit young. The characters are all over the age of 18, but there were numerous times where it felt like they were younger. This wasn’t too much of an issue for me personally, but I can see why some people wouldn’t like this element of the story.
I also got really frustrated with how Ritika was treated in the first half of this book. Elsie made a lot of decisions with her friendship with Ritika that I personally disagreed with and if I were Ritika, I honestly would’ve ended my friendship with Elsie or at the very least been furious with her because of some of the things that Elsie did.
I almost gave this book four stars because of those two issues, but then I read the ending and I felt it would be wrong of me to give this book anything less than five stars. The ending was super cute and it left on a hopeful note. Not every issue was resolved by the end of the book, but having an open ending for those issues worked really well.
Overall I adored this book. I highly recommend everyone gives it this one a try, especially if you enjoy queer romances.
I received an eArc of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
If You Still Recognize Me is an adorable and heartfelt young adult sapphic romance. It follows Elsie who has a crush on her internet best friend and is planning on making a big gesture to show her friend that she likes her. However, as she goes into town one day, she bumps into her old best friend who she lost contact with several years before. It’s a summer of change and love for Elsie as she spends one last summer in her hometown before she heads to university. This story isn’t without its flaws, but I still loved it and I was caught off guard by the complex issues that the story tackles.
I thought this story was going to be a light, cheesy romance and I was pleasantly surprised by how this book was so much more than that. This story tackles topics like grief, complicated relationships with family members, toxic relationships, and discovering your place in the world. It doesn’t shy away from the messiness of some of these issues and I really appreciated that.
The cast of this book is incredibly diverse and because of that, it gave insight into queer communities across the globe. The two main characters are both from Hong Kong and they’re both part of the LGBTQ+ community, but because they spent their teen years in different parts of the world, they each had different experiences with being queer. Elsie provided what it’s like to be Asian and queer in the U.K. and Joan gave insight into what it’s like to be queer in Hong Kong. It was really fascinating to read about and it’s not a topic that I see many young adult books tackle. I also really liked Felix’s storyline. He explores his asexuality in this book and the way it was written was beautiful. Reading his experience with discovering his identity in this book truly means a lot to me as someone who’s ace and needed this kind of rep when I was a teen. I’d honestly love a whole spin-off novel focusing on Felix some day.
I found Cynthia So’s writing style to work really well for me. It was fast paced and really engaging. The writing style is part of what carried the book for me. It wasn’t too flowery most of the time, but Cynthia really knew when to add in lots of beautiful similes and metaphors to make certain scenes more powerful.
As I said earlier, this book did have some flaws though. The story felt a bit young. The characters are all over the age of 18, but there were numerous times where it felt like they were younger. This wasn’t too much of an issue for me personally, but I can see why some people wouldn’t like this element of the story.
I also got really frustrated with how Ritika was treated in the first half of this book. Elsie made a lot of decisions with her friendship with Ritika that I personally disagreed with and if I were Ritika, I honestly would’ve ended my friendship with Elsie or at the very least been furious with her because of some of the things that Elsie did.
I almost gave this book four stars because of those two issues, but then I read the ending and I felt it would be wrong of me to give this book anything less than five stars. The ending was super cute and it left on a hopeful note. Not every issue was resolved by the end of the book, but having an open ending for those issues worked really well.
Overall I adored this book. I highly recommend everyone gives it this one a try, especially if you enjoy queer romances.
I received an eArc of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 11, 2022
Rep: British Chinese bi mc, British Chinese lesbian side character, British Indian sapphic side character, biracial Black sapphic side character, Vietnamese nonbinary bi side character, Chinese side characters, Chinese gay side character, gay & sapphic side characters
CWs: past toxic relationship, homophobia
August 27, 2023
thinking of all my internet fandom friends past and present who made me feel like a real person
it's the summer before uni & elsie’s ready to tell her internet best friend how she feels about her. their friendship is special, built on a shared love for a comic book series as well as fandom & fanfiction. the only thing between them is an ocean—literally. one other thing: elsie’s irl best friend is back in england after years radio silence with answers to questions that have plagued elsie for years.
i read if you still recognise me at the most apt time: while knee deep in the trenches of yet another fandom hyperfixation—a string of words that some might not entirely understand or relate to, but i think you do. because you’re also here on the internet, together with me despite oceans between us.
i read this novel while falling asleep the night before to the sweet lullaby of ao3, waking up to messages & keysmashes sent in all caps, then spending the rest of the day yelling at online friends that i loved them. friends who fall in love with media the same & only way i know how to: fully & wholly (unhinged like a sleep paralysis demon scuttling about at the end of a bed).
there's something so beautiful about fandom, about online friendships. take something that others may scoff at & turn it into something monumental, precious & sacred. the way it taught me so much about my own queerness. here’s a bi asian girl & she will okay because she has fandom. she has people who understand. to learn that it’s okay to love things. to find a voice somehow.
how much of my younger self felt like a ghost through high school until she gave her heart to friends on the internet? how much of her became real & true because of fandom?
i could talk about this novel forever. there so much to slowly unpack. i love it dearly for that, for letting me revisit so much of myself within its pages. for treating her kindly. for giving her magic & reminding her she isn’t alone.
“there's nothing like meeting someone and feeling comfortable with them instantly. that to me is the closest thing we have to magic in the world. the inexplicable connection that we just feel, right away, to some people, when with the vast sea of humans we have to work hard to get anywhere at all.�
it's the summer before uni & elsie’s ready to tell her internet best friend how she feels about her. their friendship is special, built on a shared love for a comic book series as well as fandom & fanfiction. the only thing between them is an ocean—literally. one other thing: elsie’s irl best friend is back in england after years radio silence with answers to questions that have plagued elsie for years.
i read if you still recognise me at the most apt time: while knee deep in the trenches of yet another fandom hyperfixation—a string of words that some might not entirely understand or relate to, but i think you do. because you’re also here on the internet, together with me despite oceans between us.
i read this novel while falling asleep the night before to the sweet lullaby of ao3, waking up to messages & keysmashes sent in all caps, then spending the rest of the day yelling at online friends that i loved them. friends who fall in love with media the same & only way i know how to: fully & wholly (unhinged like a sleep paralysis demon scuttling about at the end of a bed).
there's something so beautiful about fandom, about online friendships. take something that others may scoff at & turn it into something monumental, precious & sacred. the way it taught me so much about my own queerness. here’s a bi asian girl & she will okay because she has fandom. she has people who understand. to learn that it’s okay to love things. to find a voice somehow.
how much of my younger self felt like a ghost through high school until she gave her heart to friends on the internet? how much of her became real & true because of fandom?
i could talk about this novel forever. there so much to slowly unpack. i love it dearly for that, for letting me revisit so much of myself within its pages. for treating her kindly. for giving her magic & reminding her she isn’t alone.
June 13, 2022
read my interview with the author
be still my heart :")
be still my heart :")
June 29, 2024
Need to get my hands on this because of @lila's review
This book was just so beautiful and emotional. I wish I'd marked stuff up as I went along but alas.
This book covers, so many topics and does it so well. Now, I have not experienced most of the topics myself but I believe it was respectful and relatable (based on lila's review)
Toxic relationship with an ex
Discovering your identity
Making new connections, friendships, and discoveries
Finding the truth
Generational expectations
Homophobia
LGBT+ representation
Reconnection with family
Don't even get me started with the whole fanfiction, friends we haven't met but connect to through the internet, and the whole letters thing? No words.
This book was just so beautiful and emotional. I wish I'd marked stuff up as I went along but alas.
This book covers, so many topics and does it so well. Now, I have not experienced most of the topics myself but I believe it was respectful and relatable (based on lila's review)
Toxic relationship with an ex
Discovering your identity
Making new connections, friendships, and discoveries
Finding the truth
Generational expectations
Homophobia
LGBT+ representation
Reconnection with family
Don't even get me started with the whole fanfiction, friends we haven't met but connect to through the internet, and the whole letters thing? No words.
September 18, 2022
no i nie było innej opcji!!
{obecnie płace w sapphic wersji, że jestem singielką 🥲}
urocza, nerdowska~ no kocham! love it
{obecnie płace w sapphic wersji, że jestem singielką 🥲}
urocza, nerdowska~ no kocham! love it
April 28, 2022
Easily one of my favourite books of the year so far. I'm so sure I will reread this lots. This is the kind of comfort read that makes you cry with its tender and nuanced story. The writing was so thoughtful and so beautiful, and there's so much quiet depth in this book that makes it stand out in the YA contemporary genre.
What makes this stand out the most is the main character's relationships with her family members, particularly her mother, grandmother and uncle, that are explored with so much care.
One thing I particularly loved is that this book doesn't end with the main character neatly coming out to her parents and grandmother, like you might expect. I feel like we often see a focus on coming out as the end goal in a book for the character to live happily ever after, and I love how this took the pressure off.
I also however really loved the friendships and the romance - which is estranged childhood friends to lovers! And also the inclusion of queer people from different generations.
What makes this stand out the most is the main character's relationships with her family members, particularly her mother, grandmother and uncle, that are explored with so much care.
One thing I particularly loved is that this book doesn't end with the main character neatly coming out to her parents and grandmother, like you might expect. I feel like we often see a focus on coming out as the end goal in a book for the character to live happily ever after, and I love how this took the pressure off.
I also however really loved the friendships and the romance - which is estranged childhood friends to lovers! And also the inclusion of queer people from different generations.
July 1, 2022
(4.5 stars)
This is the book I’ve been waiting for. I truly think that this is going to be my absolute favorite read of 2022 + my favorite sapphic read this year. Every single page in this book felt important to me and I seriously would not mind reading everything all over again (which is super rare for me as I’ve never re-read any book so far). My lesbian heart is so so so happy that I read this book, really. It had everything I could ever wish for!
So many important conversations about queerness, the gender binary and how it is influenced by your race/cultural background.
I love that there were so many different queer identities featured in this book (in particular the tomboy/butch/ masc lesbian and ace rep made me really happy as I am an ace lesbian myself 🥰
This is the book I’ve been waiting for. I truly think that this is going to be my absolute favorite read of 2022 + my favorite sapphic read this year. Every single page in this book felt important to me and I seriously would not mind reading everything all over again (which is super rare for me as I’ve never re-read any book so far). My lesbian heart is so so so happy that I read this book, really. It had everything I could ever wish for!
So many important conversations about queerness, the gender binary and how it is influenced by your race/cultural background.
I love that there were so many different queer identities featured in this book (in particular the tomboy/butch/ masc lesbian and ace rep made me really happy as I am an ace lesbian myself 🥰
May 30, 2022
4.5*
I LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS! review to come
I LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS! review to come
May 19, 2022
Thanks to NetGalley, I got an early access to this book in exchange for an honest review.
It’s actually 2.5 stars, but not enough to reach 3.
If you’re 11-14 years old and are deep into some kind of anime/comic/manga fandom or basically any sort of fandom that involves fanfics, edits, fanarts� This book’s for you, specially if you’re sapphic. It’s a cute a-bit-too-slow burn with amazing asian and black rep, as well as LGBTQ+. Amazing reunions and heartwarming friendships, including long-distance ones.
There’s this whole fandom thing that pulls you out of the story, the excessive amount of description of the “Eden Recoiling� world and fan made things about it. It wasn’t for me because I’m past that intense phase of living for a fandom and dedicating that much time to it, but that’s just me. Overall, it’s not a bad book, even great if you’re the target audience.
It’s actually 2.5 stars, but not enough to reach 3.
If you’re 11-14 years old and are deep into some kind of anime/comic/manga fandom or basically any sort of fandom that involves fanfics, edits, fanarts� This book’s for you, specially if you’re sapphic. It’s a cute a-bit-too-slow burn with amazing asian and black rep, as well as LGBTQ+. Amazing reunions and heartwarming friendships, including long-distance ones.
There’s this whole fandom thing that pulls you out of the story, the excessive amount of description of the “Eden Recoiling� world and fan made things about it. It wasn’t for me because I’m past that intense phase of living for a fandom and dedicating that much time to it, but that’s just me. Overall, it’s not a bad book, even great if you’re the target audience.
June 11, 2022
I’ve been trying for a while to figure out why this book wasn't really for me, but I think in the end I'm just not the target audience for it. I loved the premise of If You Still Recognise Me and flew to request it on NetGalley when I first heard of it; ultimately, however, I have to admit I'm sort of disappointed considering the expectations I had initially. It was sometimes dull, and I found the main romance somewhat underwhelming and thought it lacked the buildup and longing I wanted from childhood friends to lovers. The fandom aspect also wasn't really my thing, and the importance of it in this book surprised me considering it wasn't mentioned in the summary, but this is a very minor personal issue and I think there's plenty of people who won't mind it.
That being said, there were still a lot of things I liked about this book. I loved the representation and was especially thrilled to hear that Elsie, the main character, is Chinese and bi (as someone who's also Chinese and bi). I also liked how the author included queer people from various generations (which made for some really heartwarming moments) and discussed the nuances of being queer in a family of color. Overall, though, this book just ended up being forgettable to me and I don't remember much about it. Still, I hope it finds its way to people who will end up loving it.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
That being said, there were still a lot of things I liked about this book. I loved the representation and was especially thrilled to hear that Elsie, the main character, is Chinese and bi (as someone who's also Chinese and bi). I also liked how the author included queer people from various generations (which made for some really heartwarming moments) and discussed the nuances of being queer in a family of color. Overall, though, this book just ended up being forgettable to me and I don't remember much about it. Still, I hope it finds its way to people who will end up loving it.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
June 26, 2022
A: For me it's this book IF You Still Recognize Me (5000�). This book involving an estranged childhood friend who moved oceans away but then meeting each other again just to realize you're both queer and the Feelings(TM) You had for each other is NOT PLATONIC literally is me. Except it's one sided as always.
I also love the inclusion of the fandom culture but in a healthy and non-cringey way (unlike in Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell) and how it calls out a lot of fandom's obsession with shipping white cis male characters together without paying queer women characters of color barely any attention.
The generational aspect of this story is also really amazingly done. There is an ongoing mystery of the mc's family history and also the history of a pair of queer women one of whom is the mc's crush's old "girlpal".
That begs the question. When can I have enough courage to ask my childhood best friend if she's sapphic because she sure hell make my gaydar go off the charts and how do I say I like her without it ending in the dumpster fire.
I also love the inclusion of the fandom culture but in a healthy and non-cringey way (unlike in Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell) and how it calls out a lot of fandom's obsession with shipping white cis male characters together without paying queer women characters of color barely any attention.
The generational aspect of this story is also really amazingly done. There is an ongoing mystery of the mc's family history and also the history of a pair of queer women one of whom is the mc's crush's old "girlpal".
That begs the question. When can I have enough courage to ask my childhood best friend if she's sapphic because she sure hell make my gaydar go off the charts and how do I say I like her without it ending in the dumpster fire.
Shelved as 'dnf'
July 18, 2022dnf @ Chapter 12
There was absolutely nothing wrong with this, in fact I can see why so many others love it! However, it's on the younger side of YA which isn't typically my favourite age range, so it just felt a little young for me personally.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with this, in fact I can see why so many others love it! However, it's on the younger side of YA which isn't typically my favourite age range, so it just felt a little young for me personally.
September 18, 2023
this was soooo wholesome!!! sapphic fluff!!
anyone else who thinks the girl on the cover looks like nayeon?
anyone else who thinks the girl on the cover looks like nayeon?
January 21, 2023
This was a lovely YA read about a summer of highs and lows and discovering yourself.
The pose was beautiful. Some of the sentences were gorgeous and poetic and it was really easy to read. We follow Elise during the summer after she finishes school and before she starts uni. Ngl, I thought she was a bit of a weak protagonist, but her story was still good. I especially enjoyed the side plot of finding Theresa. I don't understand everyone's reaction to Elise looking for her, especially Ada's. I thought it was a really nice thing to do *shrugs*
I clocked the uncle was gay from the start and that was the reason for all the family tension. I'm glad Elsie's mum accepted her brother and her, even though she never explicitly comes out.
I went into this thinking it would be a f/f/f love triangle, but that wasn't the case. Tbf to Elise, I totally thought Ada was into her too. Really odd signals there. I'm happy Elsie and Joan ended up together though. It's always nice to see butch rep in books, there's not enough!
I don't really understand why so much page time was given to Leo, Elise's ex boyfriend. I get that it was an abusive relationship and that she still needs to process it, but that plot point seems to fizzle out towards the end of the book and isn't really addressed anymore.
Also, little pet peeve, but Elise is British yet there's a part where she says airplane. No. We say aeroplane. It really irritated me.
Shout out to Tumblr too, it really brings me back to my own teenage years haha! Overall though, I think this was slightly too YA for me to fully enjoy, as I'm not the biggest fan of it.
The pose was beautiful. Some of the sentences were gorgeous and poetic and it was really easy to read. We follow Elise during the summer after she finishes school and before she starts uni. Ngl, I thought she was a bit of a weak protagonist, but her story was still good. I especially enjoyed the side plot of finding Theresa. I don't understand everyone's reaction to Elise looking for her, especially Ada's. I thought it was a really nice thing to do *shrugs*
I clocked the uncle was gay from the start and that was the reason for all the family tension. I'm glad Elsie's mum accepted her brother and her, even though she never explicitly comes out.
I went into this thinking it would be a f/f/f love triangle, but that wasn't the case. Tbf to Elise, I totally thought Ada was into her too. Really odd signals there. I'm happy Elsie and Joan ended up together though. It's always nice to see butch rep in books, there's not enough!
I don't really understand why so much page time was given to Leo, Elise's ex boyfriend. I get that it was an abusive relationship and that she still needs to process it, but that plot point seems to fizzle out towards the end of the book and isn't really addressed anymore.
Also, little pet peeve, but Elise is British yet there's a part where she says airplane. No. We say aeroplane. It really irritated me.
Shout out to Tumblr too, it really brings me back to my own teenage years haha! Overall though, I think this was slightly too YA for me to fully enjoy, as I'm not the biggest fan of it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 26, 2023
A gorgeous YA story of culture, inclusivity, love, and friendship. And of fandom and internet communities. And so much more. A delight.
March 1, 2022
[GIFTED]
An epic fandom, a scavenger hunt for a lost love and an ode to cultural inheritance - this is a wonderfully heartfelt and joyously queer romance.
An epic fandom, a scavenger hunt for a lost love and an ode to cultural inheritance - this is a wonderfully heartfelt and joyously queer romance.
December 14, 2023
it truly felt like an ophelia after all's older sister
August 14, 2024
4.5 stars!! this better have gotten me out of my slump istg
rtc!!
rtc!!
September 11, 2023
4 stars. Both a time capsule of mid 2010’s fandom culture and a heartwarming childhood friends to lovers story starring QPOC, If You Still Recognize Me explores so much in a short amount of page time.
May 22, 2022
4.5
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!
If You Still Recognise Me is, first of all, fantastically nerdy. It's a true ode to fandom which was so fun to read about; I'm not I've ever read a book where fandom culture is so accurately and beautifully portrayed! So many people will see themselves represented in that aspect of the book, and it really shows the importance of both real-life friends, and online friends. Elsie is dedicated to the fandom of her favourite comic, Eden Recoiling, and I have to admit, I was invested in the comic storyline by the end too! I wanted to know what happened!
Another aspect that has fantastic representation is how beautifully queer this book is. Queer people are represented not only in teenagers, but also in adults and elderly people and that was so cool to see. You've got lesbian, bisexual, gay, asexual, and so much more representation in here. One thing that I really loved was that coming out to her family is Elsie's end goal, but she hasn't done so by the end of the book, and that doesn't take away from her identity in any way. There was no forceful outing in this book either which was really great to see!
This book deals with many different kinds of love: romantic, platonic, familial, and I loved seeing all of that. Elsie is also dealing with the repercussions of a past toxic relationship and I thought that was discussed very gently and carefully. There are really important discussions of gender expression, asian fetishization, eurocentric beauty standards, and so much more, and I thought the author handled those brilliantly!
I did find the book to be quite predictable - I wasn't particularly shocked or surprised by any of the plot points, it went very much the way I expected it to. The characters also felt quite young, like I kept thinking they were 15 or 16 when in fact they're meant to be 18 or 19 and heading off to university.
Overall, a really great book that I think a lot of people are going to read and find themselves on the page, which is so, so needed.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!
If You Still Recognise Me is, first of all, fantastically nerdy. It's a true ode to fandom which was so fun to read about; I'm not I've ever read a book where fandom culture is so accurately and beautifully portrayed! So many people will see themselves represented in that aspect of the book, and it really shows the importance of both real-life friends, and online friends. Elsie is dedicated to the fandom of her favourite comic, Eden Recoiling, and I have to admit, I was invested in the comic storyline by the end too! I wanted to know what happened!
Another aspect that has fantastic representation is how beautifully queer this book is. Queer people are represented not only in teenagers, but also in adults and elderly people and that was so cool to see. You've got lesbian, bisexual, gay, asexual, and so much more representation in here. One thing that I really loved was that coming out to her family is Elsie's end goal, but she hasn't done so by the end of the book, and that doesn't take away from her identity in any way. There was no forceful outing in this book either which was really great to see!
This book deals with many different kinds of love: romantic, platonic, familial, and I loved seeing all of that. Elsie is also dealing with the repercussions of a past toxic relationship and I thought that was discussed very gently and carefully. There are really important discussions of gender expression, asian fetishization, eurocentric beauty standards, and so much more, and I thought the author handled those brilliantly!
I did find the book to be quite predictable - I wasn't particularly shocked or surprised by any of the plot points, it went very much the way I expected it to. The characters also felt quite young, like I kept thinking they were 15 or 16 when in fact they're meant to be 18 or 19 and heading off to university.
Overall, a really great book that I think a lot of people are going to read and find themselves on the page, which is so, so needed.
December 11, 2022
I devoured this book in about 4 hours; I bought it with the intention of donating to my library after I finished, but I love it so much that I’ll just buy a second copy for students and keep this one.
This is one of the best sapphic/queer YA books I’ve ever read. It is reminiscent of “Heartstopper� with women as the central characters, but it is also so much more than that. The main storyline revolves around queer young women, but there is significant representation of middle-age and mature queer people/love, too, something often missing from YA novels.
Although issues of sexuality and gender are prominent, this novel also has much to say about cultural inheritance, found and biological family, assimilation, racism, and acceptance, but all of these topics are wonderfully woven within the narrative and organic.
And the letters! I am such a fan of epistolary books, and while this is not that, it does feature two separate written word based relationships - one between a younger set of correspondents via text, and one pair which are more mature via actual letters - which I adored.
As a YA librarian, this is a must add to the collection. As a reader, this is a pure delight of a novel that I think will appeal to many readers for many different reasons.
This is one of the best sapphic/queer YA books I’ve ever read. It is reminiscent of “Heartstopper� with women as the central characters, but it is also so much more than that. The main storyline revolves around queer young women, but there is significant representation of middle-age and mature queer people/love, too, something often missing from YA novels.
Although issues of sexuality and gender are prominent, this novel also has much to say about cultural inheritance, found and biological family, assimilation, racism, and acceptance, but all of these topics are wonderfully woven within the narrative and organic.
And the letters! I am such a fan of epistolary books, and while this is not that, it does feature two separate written word based relationships - one between a younger set of correspondents via text, and one pair which are more mature via actual letters - which I adored.
As a YA librarian, this is a must add to the collection. As a reader, this is a pure delight of a novel that I think will appeal to many readers for many different reasons.
August 8, 2023
This was.. alright. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either. I have no idea how a character can be both wishy-washy AND self-centered, but the MC in this book was. Elsie's decisions make absolutely no sense. She wants to reunite her crush's grandmother with her long-lost love, thinking it would give her a chance with said crush. And she does so behind her back. I don't see how this would help her at all. AND THEN SHE TRIES TO REUNITE THEM ON A TRIP WITH HER BEST FRIEND. SHE TAKES OVER A TRIP SHE PLANNED WITH HER BEST FRIEND SO SHE CAN ACT OUT HER STUPID PLAN TO WIN A GIRL'S HEART.
Also, Elsie literally HAS to be told that she likes her long lost childhood best friend instead of the crush she had at the start of the book, and they end up together. It just felt very contrived and forced because there was literally no development in their relationship. Elsie lacks any agency to make her a compelling character. I'm so disappointed because I was promised yearning! pining! longing! and I got nothing.
Also, Elsie literally HAS to be told that she likes her long lost childhood best friend instead of the crush she had at the start of the book, and they end up together. It just felt very contrived and forced because there was literally no development in their relationship. Elsie lacks any agency to make her a compelling character. I'm so disappointed because I was promised yearning! pining! longing! and I got nothing.
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