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328 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2004
I have quite a few friends, you can't really call us a group, we're more a kind of friendly collection of conmen out to sucker every recruiter and employer, we live in several adjoining rooms on the same floor, sleep wherever there's room, I don't even know everyone, there's only one real friend here- Vasia the Communist- the rest are more or less transients, although they're also our friends, they appear and disappear, sometimes there can be up to ten of them on our floor, at other times I wander around the corridors by myself for days, climb onto the roof and look around...I was recently reminded that I had this book, when a friend sent me an article explaining why Depeche Mode was so popular in eastern Europe around the time of perestroika. Well, the article tried to explain it, anyway. When you get down to it, though, these things are always a little mysterious. Sure life was hard in the Soviet bloc and people responded to cathartic music, but why wasn't there the same craze around, say, Joy Division or The Cure? People are people, so why should it be...that Soviets should listen to Depeche Mode so devotedly?
In the morning, the city is completely quiet, cloudy, except bird singing nothing to hear. In the old yards puddles after the rains, palisadniks full of flowers.
On the waterfront fishermen stand over the river, it looks like they're good just standing together, being silent.
Empty school yards overgrown with grass.
It's getting closer to lunch, more passers-by. But they're not too quick anyway - Sunday, some lazy tenderness is caught in the movements. Cyclists on the road are concentrated - it is noticeable that they are not just riding, but going on business - they are carrying something, they are going somewhere.
In the central quarters, beaten shops with broken windows somehow immediately remind me of the 90s. In general, this war is largely about an attempt to stop time, slow it down, suddenly it turns out that we are really trying to force a return to the past, from which we so painfully (but quite successfully, to say) managed to break out.
Kharkiv in all this is slowly coming to life, regaining its natural liveliness and dynamics. It's like a person works out their arm after a fracture. The hand, thank God, intact, will function, a person has a lot of work ahead, but still - a waste of time, a waste of nerves, a waste of lost potential. But the main thing is not this - the main thing is that the hands-legs are intact, and the work does not scare anyone.
The sun came out, in general it became transparent in summer. Our flags are flying over the city.
鈥� 摆鈥 noi pur 葯i simplu c膬dem 卯n tot felul de gropi, m膬 卯n葲elege葲i la ce m膬 refer? din ce 卯n ce mai des, iar aceste gropi devin tot mai multe, nu mai sunt 卯n stare s膬 ies din ele, ele m膬 aspir膬, iar eu cad 卯n ele din ce 卯n ce mai dureros, m膬 卯n葲elege葲i despre ce v膬 povestesc eu aici? parc膬 totul e normal, noi st膬m aici 葯i ascult膬m emisiunea dumneavoastr膬 idioat膬, i-am ascultat chiar 葯i pe mili葲i葯tii dumneavoastr膬...
鈥� Ce mili葲i葯ti? nu 卯n葲elese prezentatorul.
鈥� Nu conteaz膬, am spus eu, dar nu asta-i problema, 葯ti葲i? faza e c膬 oricum asta nu se va termina cu bine, eu pur 葯i simplu nu pot s膬-mi imaginez nimic bun acolo, 卯n viitor, pur 葯i simplu acolo nu poate exista nimic mai bun, c膬ci dac膬 acel ceva, bun, nu a existat 卯n trecut, de ce ar trebui s膬 apar膬 卯n viitor, spune葲i-mi, de ce? el pur 葯i simplu nu poate exista acolo, noi pur 葯i simplu 卯naint膬m pe dibuite, la fel ca pe葯tii batoidea electrici sub ap膬, dar f膬r膬 s膬 credem, de fapt, c膬 trebuie s膬 卯naint膬m undeva cu adev膬rat.
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鈥� Spune葲i-mi, voi chiar be葲i vodc膬 葯i fuma葲i iarb膬?
鈥� P膬i, da, am spus eu nesigur.
鈥� Serios?
鈥� Da.
鈥� Dar eu, spuse el trist, nu am reu葯it niciodat膬 s膬 le fac pe am芒ndou膬. Ori vodc膬, ori iarb膬, 卯n葲elege葲i?
鈥� Important e s膬 te obi葯nuie葯ti, am spus eu.
鈥� Bine, dar cum v膬 sim葲i葲i?
鈥� Cum ne sim葲im? am 卯ntrebat eu.
鈥� Exact, cum v膬 sim葲i葲i?
鈥� 葮tii, am spus eu, m膬 simt ca un r芒u.
鈥� Ca un r芒u?
鈥� Da, ca un r芒u care curge 卯mpotriva propriului curs.
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鈥� De unde ai c膬r葲ile astea?
鈥� Pe asta, care-i despre bombe, am luat-o de la Ceapai. Avea un teanc 卯ntreg. Iar pe cea despre Isus am primit-o de la Kakao.
鈥� 葮i de unde are Kakao asemenea c膬r葲i? am 卯ntrebat eu.
鈥� P膬i el, spuse Vasea, umbl膬 cu mormonii. De葯i nu, nu cu mormonii, ci cu 膬葯tia, cum le zice, cu bapti葯tii.
鈥� Dar care-i diferen葲a?
鈥� Mormonii pot avea mai multe so葲ii.
鈥� Asta nu-i pentru Kakao, am spus eu. El e un muist 卯n toat膬 regula.
鈥� Da, aprob膬 Vasea, unul 卯n toat膬 regula.
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摆鈥 acum 葯i aici, la 19 ani, pe o banc膬 f膬r膬 speran葲膬, 葯tiu 卯n ce o s膬 cred peste 10 ani, 葯i, de asemenea, 葯tiu 卯n ce nu o s膬 cred, cred c膬 卯n acest caz nu se vor schimba prea multe la mine, exist膬 lucruri care nu se schimb膬, probabil tocmai ele au leg膬tur膬 cu credin葲a. Eu nu cred 卯n memorie, eu nu cred 卯n viitor, eu nu cred 卯n providen葲膬, eu nu cred 卯n ceruri, eu nu cred 卯n 卯ngeri, eu nu cred 卯n iubire, nici m膬car 卯n sex nu cred 鈥� sexul te face singur 葯i f膬r膬 ap膬rare, eu nu cred 卯n prieteni, eu nu cred 卯n politic膬, eu nu cred 卯n civiliza葲ie, ei bine, iar dac膬 nu iau lucrurile at芒t de global 鈥� eu nu cred 卯n biseric膬, eu nu cred 卯n dreptate social膬, eu nu cred 卯n revolu葲ie, eu nu cred 卯n c膬s膬torie, eu nu cred 卯n homosexualitate, eu nu cred 卯n constitu葲ie, eu nu cred 卯n infailibilitatea papei de la Roma, chiar dac膬 cineva 卯mi va demonstra c膬 papa este infailibil, oricum nu o s膬-l cred, nu o s-o fac din principiu.
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5:30
Na kone膷n茅 bychom r谩di na拧li aspo艌 n臎jakou lavi膷ku, kde by se dalo p艡e膷kat p谩r hodin do p艡铆拧t铆ho vlaku, jen啪e se tu kone膷n臎 objev铆 ti kluci, co se vrac铆 z vojny, a taky houba艡i. V拧echny lavice v 膷ek谩rn臎 jsou obsazeny n臎jak媒mi podez艡el媒mi existencemi. Vyjdeme proto na jedin茅 zdej拧铆 n谩stupi拧t臎, kter茅 n谩dra啪n铆 tlampa膷e z n臎jak茅 d暖vodu pateticky ozna膷uj铆 za prvn铆, jako by tu snad n臎kde bylo i druh茅. N臎jak媒ch sto metr暖 od n谩dra啪铆 je vid臎t vysokou l谩vku pro p臎拧铆, vyp铆naj铆c铆 se nad cel媒m panoramatem. "P臎kn媒," 艡eknu, "tak asi p暖jdeme na most, tady se stejn臎 nikde ned谩 sp谩t." Stoup谩me po kovov媒ch schodech a prohl铆啪铆me si n谩dra啪铆, nekone膷n谩 rozv臎tven铆 kolejnic, n谩kladn铆 vag贸ny t铆sn铆c铆 se jeden vedle druh茅ho, cisterny, 拧t臎rk, semafory, stromy, mlhu, n谩dra啪n铆 budovy, v拧echno mo啪n茅, nem谩me se o 膷em bavit, tak啪e tam sed铆me obklopeni mlhou a mraky, pomalu pijeme studenou miner谩lku a prohl铆啪铆me si v拧echnu tu zmrza膷enou 啪elezni膷n铆 infrastrukturu.