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I'm Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America
ŷ Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Nonfiction (2024)A must-read investigation of reproductive health under fire in Post-Roe America.
More than a million women lose a pregnancy each year, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or termination for medical reasons. For most, the experience often casts a shadow of isolation, shame, and blame. In the aftermath of the 2022 decision to overturn Roe v Wade, 25 million women of childbearing age live in states with laws that restrict access to abortion, including for those who never wanted to end their pregnancies. How did we get here?
Rebecca Little and Colleen Long, childhood friends who grew up to be journalists, both experienced late-term loss, and together they take an incisive, deeply reported look at the issue, working to shatter taboos that have made so many pregnant women feel ashamed and alone. They trace the experience of pregnancy loss and reproductive care from America's founding to the present day, exposing the deep impact made by a dangerous tangle of laws, politics, medicine, racism, and misogyny. Combining powerful personal narratives with exhaustive research, I'm Sorry for My Loss is a comprehensive examination on how pregnancy loss came to be so stigmatized and politicized, and why a system of more compassionate care is critical for everyone.
More than a million women lose a pregnancy each year, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or termination for medical reasons. For most, the experience often casts a shadow of isolation, shame, and blame. In the aftermath of the 2022 decision to overturn Roe v Wade, 25 million women of childbearing age live in states with laws that restrict access to abortion, including for those who never wanted to end their pregnancies. How did we get here?
Rebecca Little and Colleen Long, childhood friends who grew up to be journalists, both experienced late-term loss, and together they take an incisive, deeply reported look at the issue, working to shatter taboos that have made so many pregnant women feel ashamed and alone. They trace the experience of pregnancy loss and reproductive care from America's founding to the present day, exposing the deep impact made by a dangerous tangle of laws, politics, medicine, racism, and misogyny. Combining powerful personal narratives with exhaustive research, I'm Sorry for My Loss is a comprehensive examination on how pregnancy loss came to be so stigmatized and politicized, and why a system of more compassionate care is critical for everyone.
496 pages, Hardcover
First published January 23, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 276 reviews
July 15, 2024
Rebecca Little and Colleen Long have written a powerful, memorable, must-read book about pregnancy loss in . One-third to one-half of women experience a pregnancy loss due to miscarriage, stillbirths, or terminations for medical reasons. Yet it's something that is rarely talked about and in our post-Roe era, the impact and unintended consequences are tragic.
Hospitals and doctors, particularly in states with restrictive abortion legislation, are afraid to treat women who are experiencing serious pregnancy complications or situations where there are fetal anomalies. The result is that some women who decide to terminate a wanted pregnancy due to fetal anomalies or because the baby has died in their womb are sent to abortion clinics and must walk the gantlet of protestors in order to receive care.
Very few doctors provide information when a woman is pregnant about the possibilities or symptoms that something could go wrong. Annually, one million women experience a pregnancy loss. There are incredibly horrible stories in the book, particularly for Black women, about doctors who don't listen to their patients' concerns about their pregnancies....unfortunately the outcome can be very dangerous or deadly.
The statistics that are provided in this book include:
* One in four women have gotten an abortion
* A research study in 1953 showed that 24% of married women had an illegal abortion and 9 out of 10 teen pregnancies resulted in an abortion
* The current infant mortality rate in the US is 33rd out of 38 developed countries
* The current US maternal deaths is 32.9 per 100,000. The next closest country is the UK at 10.7 deaths per 100,000. Black women in the US who experience maternal deaths is 69.9 per 100,000. Maternal death rates are an indication on how we view women's health.
* 69% of Americans believe abortion should be legal for the first trimester
* Pregnancies are more fatal than abortions when abortions are legal
* Maternal mortality rates are the highest in states with the most restrictive abortion laws. Idah0 has stopped tracking maternal mortality rates; it is one of the most restrictive states for abortion.
* 60% of the women in The Turnaway Study were already mothers. It is a myth that abortion is used as a form of birth control. Many mothers want to limit the number of children due to financial concerns.
* Stillborn rates are still the same as 15 years ago.
One of the scariest parts of the book was that doctors who are worried about stringent abortion laws and "bounties" for those who turn in doctors and patients for having an abortion have started performing hysterectomies on women who come to them for an abortion. YIKES. WTH!
Troubling, insightful, and memorable book that should be read by women and men.
Thanks to NetGalley for a free ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Hospitals and doctors, particularly in states with restrictive abortion legislation, are afraid to treat women who are experiencing serious pregnancy complications or situations where there are fetal anomalies. The result is that some women who decide to terminate a wanted pregnancy due to fetal anomalies or because the baby has died in their womb are sent to abortion clinics and must walk the gantlet of protestors in order to receive care.
Very few doctors provide information when a woman is pregnant about the possibilities or symptoms that something could go wrong. Annually, one million women experience a pregnancy loss. There are incredibly horrible stories in the book, particularly for Black women, about doctors who don't listen to their patients' concerns about their pregnancies....unfortunately the outcome can be very dangerous or deadly.
The statistics that are provided in this book include:
* One in four women have gotten an abortion
* A research study in 1953 showed that 24% of married women had an illegal abortion and 9 out of 10 teen pregnancies resulted in an abortion
* The current infant mortality rate in the US is 33rd out of 38 developed countries
* The current US maternal deaths is 32.9 per 100,000. The next closest country is the UK at 10.7 deaths per 100,000. Black women in the US who experience maternal deaths is 69.9 per 100,000. Maternal death rates are an indication on how we view women's health.
* 69% of Americans believe abortion should be legal for the first trimester
* Pregnancies are more fatal than abortions when abortions are legal
* Maternal mortality rates are the highest in states with the most restrictive abortion laws. Idah0 has stopped tracking maternal mortality rates; it is one of the most restrictive states for abortion.
* 60% of the women in The Turnaway Study were already mothers. It is a myth that abortion is used as a form of birth control. Many mothers want to limit the number of children due to financial concerns.
* Stillborn rates are still the same as 15 years ago.
One of the scariest parts of the book was that doctors who are worried about stringent abortion laws and "bounties" for those who turn in doctors and patients for having an abortion have started performing hysterectomies on women who come to them for an abortion. YIKES. WTH!
Troubling, insightful, and memorable book that should be read by women and men.
Thanks to NetGalley for a free ARC in exchange for my honest review.
October 8, 2024
4 solid stars for this very timely & insightful book. There is a real need for examining how our society treats pregnancy loss along with reproductive rights & this book is a good start on those conversations.
June 4, 2024
This is a deeply important book that sheds light on an aspect of reproductive justice that has received relatively little attention: the loss of wanted pregnancies. With humour and sensitivity, the authors explore how Americans have historically viewed miscarriages and the wrong footed ways in which society responds to them. It also sheds light on the very thin line between miscarriage and abortion (for instance, the deliberate early induction of a terminally ill fetus is not easily categorized) and the harmful impact that rigid abortion laws have on miscarriage care. I loved that the authors included the experiences of women of colour and nonbinary and trans pregnant people, and explored the unique ways pregnancy loss impacts these groups. This book gave me, someone who has never been pregnant, some much-needed understanding of these issues and why they are important. This is such a crucial read.
December 2, 2024
I feel like women should be screaming all the time
April 27, 2024
You may wonder what would motivate a person to pick up a book like this. For me, it was because I have friends who have been affected by loss, and I wanted to know how to show up for them. It's incredibly sad, true, but it's also filled with hope. It's about helping people heal while also naming the roadblocks that stand in their way. It's about unraveling complicated grief and searching for ways to fix our undeniably broken system. Both authors have experienced loss, and their stories bring vulnerability and authenticity to the narrative. They also explain complex issues--I can't even expand too much without worrying I'd misrepresent them. For instance, a person who has lost a wanted pregnancy might refer to a baby while someone who had an abortion might refer to tissue. It gets much deeper than that, so I highly recommend this book even for those who have not experienced this grief or loss. We are at a tipping point with reproductive care in this country, and the authors' keen observations are so important to our activism and support of grieving parents.
June 25, 2024
As someone who has had an abortion of wanted pregnancy, and volunteers in reproductive rights, this book is absolutely critical reading in the Post-Roe landscape. It felt so nice to be SEEN as other publications completely dismiss circumstances such as my own. It was also really gratifying to see so many concerns that I have around the categorization of medical treatments and how they impact individuals brought to a larger stage. I loved the bits of humor (as a later abortion loss mom that uses some myself!) and the pacing of the book. I highly recommend this and will be buying copies to give to others.
February 22, 2025
Extremely relevant and important book. Difficult subject matter but easy to read writing-wise. Clears up a lot of misconceptions about pregnancy/miscarriage/abortion and does an excellent job of weaving in personal stories with facts and statistics. I also thought the discussion on the history of abortions and miscarriages was fascinating. My only critique is that I would’ve loved to see a table or something outlining all of the current abortion laws in each state� they mention a lot of individual states� laws and emphasize how the dobbs ruling eliminated federal protections, so I think it would’ve been relevant. Either way, I highly recommend and think everyone should read this.
January 8, 2025
4.5, omg this made me so angry. such an excellent book!
December 12, 2024
Such an amazing but mentally exhausting book to get through.
October 31, 2024
This should be required reading for all Americans.
September 24, 2024
Truly heartfelt, authentic, and factual . The authors combine historical facts, cultural influences, with the many real stories of people who have experienced one of the worst types of loss a human being can endure. And somehow as one reads , they find themselves crying AND laughing , and a fire lit from within to make a move for change so that people who lose babies do not continue to have their grief worsened by the chaos of the current medical system and a culture that has no framework for how to acknowledge and help those experiencing this type of grief.
October 13, 2024
I found this book to be incredibly interesting. Having experienced my own loss, many parts of it really resonated with me.
However, I almost stopped reading this book in chapter 7 when the authors write that Dr. Steve Calvin "said he's had some patients bullied by their providers into terminating, especially genetic counselors." I feel the authors could have left out this man's personal opinion (and clear vendetta) against GCs. I am obviously biased as a genetic counselor myself and won't claim that all of us are perfect all the time. I believe that women who are in shock after hearing a fetal diagnosis may hear someone discuss the option of termination and feel that they are being told to terminate. But "bullying" a patient into termination goes completely against our training to be non-directive.
Looking at Dr. Calvin's Minnesota Birth Center page, where it talks about their new model of care that "embraces normal pregnancy and birth", I'm not sure why this man was included in a section about perinatal hospice, which is not normal pregnancy.
I wish the authors would have thought twice about throwing a whole profession under the bus based on one man's opinion. A profession that often helps women understand their baby's condition and their options...
However, I almost stopped reading this book in chapter 7 when the authors write that Dr. Steve Calvin "said he's had some patients bullied by their providers into terminating, especially genetic counselors." I feel the authors could have left out this man's personal opinion (and clear vendetta) against GCs. I am obviously biased as a genetic counselor myself and won't claim that all of us are perfect all the time. I believe that women who are in shock after hearing a fetal diagnosis may hear someone discuss the option of termination and feel that they are being told to terminate. But "bullying" a patient into termination goes completely against our training to be non-directive.
Looking at Dr. Calvin's Minnesota Birth Center page, where it talks about their new model of care that "embraces normal pregnancy and birth", I'm not sure why this man was included in a section about perinatal hospice, which is not normal pregnancy.
I wish the authors would have thought twice about throwing a whole profession under the bus based on one man's opinion. A profession that often helps women understand their baby's condition and their options...
November 4, 2024
I know a book is going to be good when it starts off with the way language limits or distorts our understanding of a subject. Recommended to absolutely anyone, with or without a uterus, with or without the intention to procreate. It’s ostensibly about pregnancy loss and miscarriage/stillbirth awareness, but that overlaps with many things—abortion, grief, medical misogyny, racial injustice, human rights. The authors treat a sensitive topic with care and respect, and fury when called for.
U.S. laws around women’s bodies, pregnancy, miscarriage, or abortions are rooted in a lack of understanding of how it all works, and it’s no coincidence that the women I know who are anti-abortion were raised with abstinence-only education. As the authors bluntly put it: “if you don’t even really understand how the fetus gets in there, you don’t sweat the details of how it gets out. Birth, miscarriage, abortion—it’s all a mystery.� Books like this go a long way toward rectifying that lack of understanding, and if we’re gonna stop the spiraling reproductive care crisis, it’s not a moment too soon.
ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
U.S. laws around women’s bodies, pregnancy, miscarriage, or abortions are rooted in a lack of understanding of how it all works, and it’s no coincidence that the women I know who are anti-abortion were raised with abstinence-only education. As the authors bluntly put it: “if you don’t even really understand how the fetus gets in there, you don’t sweat the details of how it gets out. Birth, miscarriage, abortion—it’s all a mystery.� Books like this go a long way toward rectifying that lack of understanding, and if we’re gonna stop the spiraling reproductive care crisis, it’s not a moment too soon.
ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
July 7, 2024
I am not American but i’ve always been fascinated by what makes this weird nation tick and you know what
it’s the capitalism-led patriarchy. anyway this was an arc on netgalley and it piqued my interest and thought i would check it out , was pleasantly surprised .
the topics discussed wether it’s abortion or just plain female patient care that’s regarded as a nuisance
it’s universal, the problems are universal and for this book to show all of this , specially currently with the ongoing genocide in gaza where women are dying wether it’s by american-funded israeli bombs , lack of period products , no hospitals to give birth in
i think this book does highlight how women’s bodies are never truly ours and how the big man (namely america here) fucks us all over all around the world
anyway this was a good read!
it’s the capitalism-led patriarchy. anyway this was an arc on netgalley and it piqued my interest and thought i would check it out , was pleasantly surprised .
the topics discussed wether it’s abortion or just plain female patient care that’s regarded as a nuisance
it’s universal, the problems are universal and for this book to show all of this , specially currently with the ongoing genocide in gaza where women are dying wether it’s by american-funded israeli bombs , lack of period products , no hospitals to give birth in
i think this book does highlight how women’s bodies are never truly ours and how the big man (namely america here) fucks us all over all around the world
anyway this was a good read!
May 29, 2024
I initially wanted to read this book because I was interviewed for it. I was curious to see if/how my story was written about. After I started reading though, I couldn't put it down. This was such a phenomenal read. Rebecca and Colleen wrote an amazing book. I plan on recommending this to EVERYONE, no matter their views on loss, abortions, politics, etc.
I loved all the bits of humor and asides by the authors. I cried and grieved for those who have lost.
I found the history on loss (miscarriage and abortions) to be fascinating. The profound change we as a society have gone through even in the last 100 years and how we view pregnancy and loss is eye-opening. Do not hesitate to read this book.
Thank you Netgalley for the ARC.
I loved all the bits of humor and asides by the authors. I cried and grieved for those who have lost.
I found the history on loss (miscarriage and abortions) to be fascinating. The profound change we as a society have gone through even in the last 100 years and how we view pregnancy and loss is eye-opening. Do not hesitate to read this book.
Thank you Netgalley for the ARC.
December 28, 2024
This book brought me to tears when I saw myself and what could have been my story outlined on the pages. I have never used the terminology, but yes, I had an abortion. My pregnancy could have never resulted in a viable baby, and it was aborted by a medical professional. I learned that my medical diagnosis is rare; so rare that I wouldn't trust that lawmakers would ever think to include it in whatever legislation they feel must be passed. So had my 2004 pregnancy happened in 2024, I shudder to think what I would have had to do to take care of myself.
I'm so grateful to Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. They gave voice to my thoughts, feelings, and fears far more elegantly and succinctly than I could hope to accomplish.
I'm so grateful to Rebecca Little and Colleen Long. They gave voice to my thoughts, feelings, and fears far more elegantly and succinctly than I could hope to accomplish.
January 11, 2025
Very sad first-hand accounts of women losing their babies, but very informative.
I think it did a good job of giving an overview of everything related to miscarriage, stillbirth, and abortion, especially for someone who hasn’t gone through it & probably doesn’t realize how all-encompassing that experience and loss is. It allowed me to realize more ways to be more empathetic to those in my life who have experienced that loss & how to better show love and support to them. ❤️
I think it did a good job of giving an overview of everything related to miscarriage, stillbirth, and abortion, especially for someone who hasn’t gone through it & probably doesn’t realize how all-encompassing that experience and loss is. It allowed me to realize more ways to be more empathetic to those in my life who have experienced that loss & how to better show love and support to them. ❤️
January 19, 2025
This book took me ages to read not because it wasn’t good but because the topic was best absorbed in bite sized pieces. It managed to be serious and heavy without being dull or leaving me despairing. I appreciated the breadth of experiences represented in this book and the care taken to not categorize different types of pregnancy losses into a hierarchy. We are collectively so bad at addressing grief and loss in the Western world, and even more so when it comes to pregnancy loss, but this book tackles the subject head-on with unflinching (but not uncaring) frankness. Overall a thoughtful and thought-provoking read.
January 10, 2025
This book was incredibly educational about the history of pregnancy and evolution through centuries. It was very eye opening about systemic miscare of marginalized people. I would highly recommend, it offers all of this timely, well-researched information through a lens of humor.
April 3, 2025
I cried my way through this, in a good way. It’s the kind of book that I feel grateful fell into my hands. I think it should be required for every person who knows someone who might get pregnant. Incredible.
March 18, 2025
Not a lot about how to grieve w others but a full blown history of abortion rights in America since the founding of this country. & all of that did peak my interest.
January 30, 2025
I enjoyed learning about the history of abortion in Part 1, though the introduction seems to imply that this will be a collection of stories of those who experienced pregnancy loss. The authors say they conducted many interviews, so I thought the book would take the style of The Other Significant Others and just sort of talk about anecdotal cases. The beginning really focused on abortion history in America from colonial times to present day, then they started talking a lot about the facts of abortion, then towards the end they talked about the commodification of pregnancy / algorithmic tracking and targeted ads, and grief rituals. Though specific cases were mentioned, you didn't really sit with any one case for very long.
I especially appreciated the linguistic discussions towards the beginning and the mention of the lexical gap between "fetus" and "baby." However, for authors who very clearly think a lot about language, I found the tone of this book aggravating. The authors would often "comment" on the history or facts they were presenting with remarks like "Ugh. This guy", "Side eye", "Ahem", and "Woof." I get it, you're not happy about this history. But I don't need your commentary about it! This is definitely intentional since the authors are very cognizant about language, but I found it so grating and honestly distracting, and it gets worse before it gets better 🫠. The audiobook narration didn't help, though I am absolutely certain the narrator perfectly embodied the spirit and intention of the book. It's the spirit of the book I take issue with, not the narrator's valiant efforts to capture it. The only comment I actually found funny of these was when they mentioned Alexander Hamilton's desire to be with his wife and said something like 'Refer to the musical Hamilton for more about how this guy just can't say no to this." In any case, this book's high rating would indicate that most don't seem to mind the tone, are able to get past it to the meat of the book (like me), or actually enjoyed it.
Also, the authors would occasionally mention other media, and I found this annoying because they usually had different interpretations of this media than me. Like at one point they're talking about the Chicago World's Fair and they say something like, "Yep, the same one from The Devil in the White City. Apparently, there was actual stuff going on apart from the sneaky murderer in the shadows." Like, did they actually read the book? Half of the book isn't about the murders and is about the fair preparations, including all the stuff that would be happening at the fair. I actually preferred those chapters to those about H.H.Holmes., and my favorite parts were the ones where landscape architect Frederick Law Olmstead was planning the scenery of the fair and wanted to make sure the shades of green all complemented each other.
Similarly, the authors discuss how Dirty Dancing has abortion as part of it's plot but, according to them, all that people remember from that movie is not to put Baby in the corner. I think it's true that the broader culture only focuses on that and the final dance, but when I first saw the movie, I was shocked that it had so much depth and that abortion was part of the central plot. So I definitely remember the abortion. I think it's interesting how cultural staples like this actually have lots of discussion of stuff you would've assumed was kept hush-hush back then, i.e. I was similarly shocked when I first saw Grease and there was a plot involving a pregnancy scare. And like the authors, I first saw these films as a child. So there. TL;DR Even though the broader culture may shy away from discussing the abortion aspects of Dirty Dancing, I remember it, as I'm sure do many others.
The content of this book is important, especially if you don't know much about abortion. I don't think I'd recommend skipping it, even despite the tone, but I think the most important parts are toward the beginning if you want to give up when the author's side remarks start coming in every few sentences.
Key takeaways:
- Abortion used to be so commonplace and non-controversial that a popular general "textbook" by Benjamin Franklin included an abortion "recipe." This book was used to teach math in some places (it was a sort of catch-all textbook lol.)
- When we add amendments to abortion access, i.e. only in cases of rape/domestic abuse/life-saving, how do you prove these cases? What's the difference between saving a life versus preventing a very diminished quality of life? How long will it take to prove that rape/domestic abuse occurred, and by then will the pregnancy be over and the baby either lost or delivered?
- Giving birth has a higher mortality rate than abortion. When we deny abortion, maternal death rates will rise because some of those cases would have been avoided with an abortion. Miscarriage rates will also (seem to) rise since some of those pregnancies would have previously been aborted before the miscarriage would have had chance to occur.
- "...she [author Rebecca Little] started to think more about the terminology. Was it an abortion? By medical definition, yes. By common American parlance, maybe? Yes? Some in Rebecca's own family vehemently disagree with this and say, 'I do not consider what you had an abortion.' Why not? Because it wasn't a dilation and evacuation (D&E)? The distinction is usually because they understand the reasoning: the twins were terminally ill. But let's be real. It's also because she was married, already a mother, and her babies were desperately wanted. She wasn't the imaginary harlot of anti-abortion propaganda. The wanted versus unwanted categories of baby represent an unfortunate hierarchy in who is deemed worthy of sympathy and choice: a 'good loss' versus a 'bad loss.'"
At this point I realized that I, too, would not have categorized Little's procedure as an abortion because the children were wanted (the motherhood and marriage didn't factor in for me). It is important to expand the definition of abortion in our daily usage so that when we say "abortion access/care," people don't automatically just imagine a sleazy woman who got into "trouble" and now wants out of it. I think the word "abortion" generally though is not great. I mean, it has the word "abort" in it. I also think it's pretty hard to change word perception once a word has become so highly politicized.
- "Writer and historian Daniella Bly [? I'm transcribing from audio here] put a fine point on it. 'From a medical perspective, miscarriage and abortion are the same, even if the language we use and the emotions associated with the two experiences are not.' [Not sure if the quote ends here or later. Again, transcribing from audio.] One key difference? Talking about your miscarriage won't get you death threats."
Another reason we need to use the word abortion more, so people understand when they want to limit abortion care, they are limiting miscarriage care.
- "Meanwhile, America is the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing. The United States has 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, the highest in the developed world. Maternal deaths across the United States more than doubled over the course of two decades. Black mothers are more than three times as likely to die from pregnancy-related issues than white mothers..."
- "But the rights granted under the Roe decision were chipped away with the passage of the Hyde Amendment in 1976, which made it illegal for Medicaid, the nation's public health insurance for low-income Americans, a program then only a decade old, to cover any abortions that were not medically indicated to save the life of the pregnant person. This is the only legal medical service for which this qualifier is included. No one's hernia surgery is denied because it isn't life saving. The Hyde Amendment has been reaffirmed every year since, though it now includes very qualified exceptions for rape or incest, and possibly the health of the mother if two doctors agree. ... The Hyde Amendment had a long tail. It enshrined subsequent restrictions on federal funds for abortion to prohibit access for indigenous women, federal employees on government insurance, PeaceCorps volunteers, Washington DC residents, military personnel, veterans and their dependents, federal prisoners, and those in immigration detention facilities. As of 2023, the Hyde Amendment is in effect across 34 states and the District of Columbia, while 16 states use their own funds to pay for abortion under Medicaid."
- "Approximately one in four pregnant Medicaid users seeking to terminate end up carrying to term because they can't afford an abortion."
- "A 2015 study showed the majority of those surveyed thought miscarriages occurred in 5% or less of all pregnancies. Nope. Between 1/3 and 1/2 of women will experience pregnancy loss, and one in four women will get an abortion."
I especially appreciated the linguistic discussions towards the beginning and the mention of the lexical gap between "fetus" and "baby." However, for authors who very clearly think a lot about language, I found the tone of this book aggravating. The authors would often "comment" on the history or facts they were presenting with remarks like "Ugh. This guy", "Side eye", "Ahem", and "Woof." I get it, you're not happy about this history. But I don't need your commentary about it! This is definitely intentional since the authors are very cognizant about language, but I found it so grating and honestly distracting, and it gets worse before it gets better 🫠. The audiobook narration didn't help, though I am absolutely certain the narrator perfectly embodied the spirit and intention of the book. It's the spirit of the book I take issue with, not the narrator's valiant efforts to capture it. The only comment I actually found funny of these was when they mentioned Alexander Hamilton's desire to be with his wife and said something like 'Refer to the musical Hamilton for more about how this guy just can't say no to this." In any case, this book's high rating would indicate that most don't seem to mind the tone, are able to get past it to the meat of the book (like me), or actually enjoyed it.
Also, the authors would occasionally mention other media, and I found this annoying because they usually had different interpretations of this media than me. Like at one point they're talking about the Chicago World's Fair and they say something like, "Yep, the same one from The Devil in the White City. Apparently, there was actual stuff going on apart from the sneaky murderer in the shadows." Like, did they actually read the book? Half of the book isn't about the murders and is about the fair preparations, including all the stuff that would be happening at the fair. I actually preferred those chapters to those about H.H.Holmes., and my favorite parts were the ones where landscape architect Frederick Law Olmstead was planning the scenery of the fair and wanted to make sure the shades of green all complemented each other.
Similarly, the authors discuss how Dirty Dancing has abortion as part of it's plot but, according to them, all that people remember from that movie is not to put Baby in the corner. I think it's true that the broader culture only focuses on that and the final dance, but when I first saw the movie, I was shocked that it had so much depth and that abortion was part of the central plot. So I definitely remember the abortion. I think it's interesting how cultural staples like this actually have lots of discussion of stuff you would've assumed was kept hush-hush back then, i.e. I was similarly shocked when I first saw Grease and there was a plot involving a pregnancy scare. And like the authors, I first saw these films as a child. So there. TL;DR Even though the broader culture may shy away from discussing the abortion aspects of Dirty Dancing, I remember it, as I'm sure do many others.
The content of this book is important, especially if you don't know much about abortion. I don't think I'd recommend skipping it, even despite the tone, but I think the most important parts are toward the beginning if you want to give up when the author's side remarks start coming in every few sentences.
Key takeaways:
- Abortion used to be so commonplace and non-controversial that a popular general "textbook" by Benjamin Franklin included an abortion "recipe." This book was used to teach math in some places (it was a sort of catch-all textbook lol.)
- When we add amendments to abortion access, i.e. only in cases of rape/domestic abuse/life-saving, how do you prove these cases? What's the difference between saving a life versus preventing a very diminished quality of life? How long will it take to prove that rape/domestic abuse occurred, and by then will the pregnancy be over and the baby either lost or delivered?
- Giving birth has a higher mortality rate than abortion. When we deny abortion, maternal death rates will rise because some of those cases would have been avoided with an abortion. Miscarriage rates will also (seem to) rise since some of those pregnancies would have previously been aborted before the miscarriage would have had chance to occur.
- "...she [author Rebecca Little] started to think more about the terminology. Was it an abortion? By medical definition, yes. By common American parlance, maybe? Yes? Some in Rebecca's own family vehemently disagree with this and say, 'I do not consider what you had an abortion.' Why not? Because it wasn't a dilation and evacuation (D&E)? The distinction is usually because they understand the reasoning: the twins were terminally ill. But let's be real. It's also because she was married, already a mother, and her babies were desperately wanted. She wasn't the imaginary harlot of anti-abortion propaganda. The wanted versus unwanted categories of baby represent an unfortunate hierarchy in who is deemed worthy of sympathy and choice: a 'good loss' versus a 'bad loss.'"
At this point I realized that I, too, would not have categorized Little's procedure as an abortion because the children were wanted (the motherhood and marriage didn't factor in for me). It is important to expand the definition of abortion in our daily usage so that when we say "abortion access/care," people don't automatically just imagine a sleazy woman who got into "trouble" and now wants out of it. I think the word "abortion" generally though is not great. I mean, it has the word "abort" in it. I also think it's pretty hard to change word perception once a word has become so highly politicized.
- "Writer and historian Daniella Bly [? I'm transcribing from audio here] put a fine point on it. 'From a medical perspective, miscarriage and abortion are the same, even if the language we use and the emotions associated with the two experiences are not.' [Not sure if the quote ends here or later. Again, transcribing from audio.] One key difference? Talking about your miscarriage won't get you death threats."
Another reason we need to use the word abortion more, so people understand when they want to limit abortion care, they are limiting miscarriage care.
- "Meanwhile, America is the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing. The United States has 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, the highest in the developed world. Maternal deaths across the United States more than doubled over the course of two decades. Black mothers are more than three times as likely to die from pregnancy-related issues than white mothers..."
- "But the rights granted under the Roe decision were chipped away with the passage of the Hyde Amendment in 1976, which made it illegal for Medicaid, the nation's public health insurance for low-income Americans, a program then only a decade old, to cover any abortions that were not medically indicated to save the life of the pregnant person. This is the only legal medical service for which this qualifier is included. No one's hernia surgery is denied because it isn't life saving. The Hyde Amendment has been reaffirmed every year since, though it now includes very qualified exceptions for rape or incest, and possibly the health of the mother if two doctors agree. ... The Hyde Amendment had a long tail. It enshrined subsequent restrictions on federal funds for abortion to prohibit access for indigenous women, federal employees on government insurance, PeaceCorps volunteers, Washington DC residents, military personnel, veterans and their dependents, federal prisoners, and those in immigration detention facilities. As of 2023, the Hyde Amendment is in effect across 34 states and the District of Columbia, while 16 states use their own funds to pay for abortion under Medicaid."
- "Approximately one in four pregnant Medicaid users seeking to terminate end up carrying to term because they can't afford an abortion."
- "A 2015 study showed the majority of those surveyed thought miscarriages occurred in 5% or less of all pregnancies. Nope. Between 1/3 and 1/2 of women will experience pregnancy loss, and one in four women will get an abortion."
February 3, 2025
This feels VERY important right now. Historically and societally many things have changed over the years, but in the end women are the ones who carry babies and they must have a say in their pregnancies. This book also gives insight into more helpful ways to support women as they’re walking through the losses that can and do accompany being pregnant.
EXCERPTS:
Sick mothers medical mystery= scientific uncertainty that comes from ignoring the right questions.
Knowledge gap. So much less known about women’s bodies
Trust gap. Tendancy to not trust woman and dismiss unexplained symptoms, minimize them.
Give your baby one of two gifts: peace or life.
Viability is highly variable. Might be able to surve outside the womb at 21 weeks but no guarantee they’ll grow up healthy. Might not survive at 35 or even 40 weeks depending on pregnancy. Case by case.
Following end of federal protection things will get worse because pregnancy is more fatal than abortion.
Inadvertantly collude When you decide not to reveal preg till after first trimester. Miscarriage and other preg loss seems more uncommon because of it. We’re not hearing the UNTELLING of the pregnancy announcements.
Miscarriage 1/3-1/2 of women will experience loss. And 1/4 will get an abortion.
Strident trifecta of miscarriage: silence, stigma, and shame.
If we don’t realize how many ppl have them or what causes them, we marinate in our own guilt and shame.
We are not our mother’s daughters. What worked for them is not what works for us now.
The more we think, plan, daydream, or dream about our longed for baby, the deeper the grooves in our mind. We get more connected. Pregnant ppl are encouraged to create a pregnancy around the idea that bringing a healthy baby home is the only ending them dropped when that doesn’t happen. Left in a vacuum created by the abortion rights movement which ignored miscarriage for fear of slippery slope to fetal personhood. Anti abortion capitalized on mourning miscarriages as way to cement fetal personhood.
A move away from bonding early would be good. Early sonograms should be for medical exam only. Not to invest in the social construction of fetal personhood till later. Which is hard.
Relational pregnancy: Up to individual to decide what it means to them. Pro bodily autonomy. Being supported as a dignified human being in whatever scenario.
Embryo, baby, whatever. Historically true that ppl loved and really wanted some babies and not others depending on context. Women have been feeling like that for centuries. Person carrying the pregnancy should be back in the equation.
“The pain of losing a pre born baby is very real. You were planning for and falling in love with an irreplaceable child. The person giving you this gift knows that you’re grieving and loves you. Grief is hard work. Loss has touched and changed you. Know that one day happiness will sneak back in. In the meantime please be gentle with yourself.�
Keepsakes fill a void created by a lack of ritual or societal support. The worst thing is grieving alone. Without rituals, the grief is slower to abate. Doesn’t show typical linear decline over time that other types of grief show.
Miscarriage is often silent and invisible loss. Ppl are very used to retrospective grieving when someone older dies and you have all these memories with them. But this is prospective grieving. Loss of hopes and dreams for future. Grieving the loss of the fantasies that were supposed to happen. Body must express itself or comes out sideways: addiction, PTSD, suicidal ideation.
What to say:
I thought about (your baby) today.
Sit in silence without trying to fix
See if they want you to share the news with ppl who saw them pregnant.
Offer to take other kids specific date and time (
Offer to walk dog
Get groceries
DO dinner, start meal train, order restaurant meals. Feed and go away, don’t stay to talk
Check in often, don’t expect response
“I’d love to hear about your baby when you’re ready�. Don’t push.
Send actual mail.
Ask if you can run errands for/ with them.
Send flowers. “I’m sad for you� im here for you.
Invite to go out but don’t be deterred by no
Make note of the day of the loss and check in one month, 6 weeks, 3 mo, 6 mos. 1 year. “I’m thinking of you today.�
“I don’t know what to say but I love you very much�
Invite them to baby showers and let THEM decide.
EXCERPTS:
Sick mothers medical mystery= scientific uncertainty that comes from ignoring the right questions.
Knowledge gap. So much less known about women’s bodies
Trust gap. Tendancy to not trust woman and dismiss unexplained symptoms, minimize them.
Give your baby one of two gifts: peace or life.
Viability is highly variable. Might be able to surve outside the womb at 21 weeks but no guarantee they’ll grow up healthy. Might not survive at 35 or even 40 weeks depending on pregnancy. Case by case.
Following end of federal protection things will get worse because pregnancy is more fatal than abortion.
Inadvertantly collude When you decide not to reveal preg till after first trimester. Miscarriage and other preg loss seems more uncommon because of it. We’re not hearing the UNTELLING of the pregnancy announcements.
Miscarriage 1/3-1/2 of women will experience loss. And 1/4 will get an abortion.
Strident trifecta of miscarriage: silence, stigma, and shame.
If we don’t realize how many ppl have them or what causes them, we marinate in our own guilt and shame.
We are not our mother’s daughters. What worked for them is not what works for us now.
The more we think, plan, daydream, or dream about our longed for baby, the deeper the grooves in our mind. We get more connected. Pregnant ppl are encouraged to create a pregnancy around the idea that bringing a healthy baby home is the only ending them dropped when that doesn’t happen. Left in a vacuum created by the abortion rights movement which ignored miscarriage for fear of slippery slope to fetal personhood. Anti abortion capitalized on mourning miscarriages as way to cement fetal personhood.
A move away from bonding early would be good. Early sonograms should be for medical exam only. Not to invest in the social construction of fetal personhood till later. Which is hard.
Relational pregnancy: Up to individual to decide what it means to them. Pro bodily autonomy. Being supported as a dignified human being in whatever scenario.
Embryo, baby, whatever. Historically true that ppl loved and really wanted some babies and not others depending on context. Women have been feeling like that for centuries. Person carrying the pregnancy should be back in the equation.
“The pain of losing a pre born baby is very real. You were planning for and falling in love with an irreplaceable child. The person giving you this gift knows that you’re grieving and loves you. Grief is hard work. Loss has touched and changed you. Know that one day happiness will sneak back in. In the meantime please be gentle with yourself.�
Keepsakes fill a void created by a lack of ritual or societal support. The worst thing is grieving alone. Without rituals, the grief is slower to abate. Doesn’t show typical linear decline over time that other types of grief show.
Miscarriage is often silent and invisible loss. Ppl are very used to retrospective grieving when someone older dies and you have all these memories with them. But this is prospective grieving. Loss of hopes and dreams for future. Grieving the loss of the fantasies that were supposed to happen. Body must express itself or comes out sideways: addiction, PTSD, suicidal ideation.
What to say:
I thought about (your baby) today.
Sit in silence without trying to fix
See if they want you to share the news with ppl who saw them pregnant.
Offer to take other kids specific date and time (
Offer to walk dog
Get groceries
DO dinner, start meal train, order restaurant meals. Feed and go away, don’t stay to talk
Check in often, don’t expect response
“I’d love to hear about your baby when you’re ready�. Don’t push.
Send actual mail.
Ask if you can run errands for/ with them.
Send flowers. “I’m sad for you� im here for you.
Invite to go out but don’t be deterred by no
Make note of the day of the loss and check in one month, 6 weeks, 3 mo, 6 mos. 1 year. “I’m thinking of you today.�
“I don’t know what to say but I love you very much�
Invite them to baby showers and let THEM decide.
November 18, 2024
4.5 stars �
I’m Sorry For My Loss is a deep exploration into reproductive healthcare and experiences in the US, written by childhood friends who both found themselves in a club no wants to be part of; people who have suffered pregnancy loss. This book examines the issues American women face during pregnancy in a reality after Roe V Wade has been overturned, and how abortion restrictions truly hurt everyone.
I was pleasantly surprised by two things when reading this book: the intersectional lens the authors write through and the sheer amount of research and interviews that were incorporated. The authors stress constantly throughout this book how women of colour overwhelmingly have negative experiences with the healthcare system in relation to pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period, and some of the factors contributing to the higher maternal morbidity and mortality rates. Like most white people (I hope), I am always working on being the best ally I can be and trying to de-centre myself in feminist issues, so I really appreciated the work the authors put in to sharing this perspective and including firsthand accounts from women of colour. Important discussions are also included about people who do not identify as women who experience pregnancy and how they are often erased from the conversation. These were just a sample of a huge stack of interviews that were conducted and weaved into this book, the authors spoke to so many people including other loss parents, medical professionals, abortion and pregnancy loss advocates, and operators of grief support services. I was impressed by how much I learned from this book as someone who already considered myself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.
I was expecting a purely contemporary dissection of abortion rights but I’m Sorry For My Loss has a huge scope spanning hundreds of years, all with the purpose of figuring out how attitudes around abortion and pregnancy loss formed in America. I found this history lesson, if you will, completely engrossing as we explore pregnancy experiences of enslaved women, how birth moved away from an all-female experience as healthcare became increasingly commodified, and the dawn of pharmaceutical contraception. As attitudes towards abortion evolved, so did the way people experienced miscarriages and stillbirths. I particularly liked how they talk about the role capitalism and consumerism has played on pregnancy and birth.
I enjoy a bit of well-placed humour as a respite when faced with confronting topics, but I felt like the authors tried a little too hard on that front. I completely see the vision but a lot of these lighthearted comments just didn’t land. The other thing I didn’t like was a couple of times this book actually plays into misogynistic stereotypes which will always rub me the wrong way, but ESPECIALLY in a book about a woman-centred issue. One I can remember off the top of my head was a snarky comment about women who give birth with a full face of make up� so what?
I have experienced pregnancy loss which is why I read this book and I absolutely connected with it as expected. There were plenty of weepy moments throughout, partly because it dragged up a lot of my own grief, but also because of the way this book talks about the community of families affected by pregnancy loss and how we are essentially tricked into thinking we’re alone in this when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I highly recommend I’m Sorry For My Loss to others who have faced these struggles and want to know more about that experience in the context of the world around us. The authors have done a phenomenal job of helping their community be heard and highlighting real issues in reproductive healthcare.
I’m Sorry For My Loss is a deep exploration into reproductive healthcare and experiences in the US, written by childhood friends who both found themselves in a club no wants to be part of; people who have suffered pregnancy loss. This book examines the issues American women face during pregnancy in a reality after Roe V Wade has been overturned, and how abortion restrictions truly hurt everyone.
I was pleasantly surprised by two things when reading this book: the intersectional lens the authors write through and the sheer amount of research and interviews that were incorporated. The authors stress constantly throughout this book how women of colour overwhelmingly have negative experiences with the healthcare system in relation to pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period, and some of the factors contributing to the higher maternal morbidity and mortality rates. Like most white people (I hope), I am always working on being the best ally I can be and trying to de-centre myself in feminist issues, so I really appreciated the work the authors put in to sharing this perspective and including firsthand accounts from women of colour. Important discussions are also included about people who do not identify as women who experience pregnancy and how they are often erased from the conversation. These were just a sample of a huge stack of interviews that were conducted and weaved into this book, the authors spoke to so many people including other loss parents, medical professionals, abortion and pregnancy loss advocates, and operators of grief support services. I was impressed by how much I learned from this book as someone who already considered myself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.
I was expecting a purely contemporary dissection of abortion rights but I’m Sorry For My Loss has a huge scope spanning hundreds of years, all with the purpose of figuring out how attitudes around abortion and pregnancy loss formed in America. I found this history lesson, if you will, completely engrossing as we explore pregnancy experiences of enslaved women, how birth moved away from an all-female experience as healthcare became increasingly commodified, and the dawn of pharmaceutical contraception. As attitudes towards abortion evolved, so did the way people experienced miscarriages and stillbirths. I particularly liked how they talk about the role capitalism and consumerism has played on pregnancy and birth.
I enjoy a bit of well-placed humour as a respite when faced with confronting topics, but I felt like the authors tried a little too hard on that front. I completely see the vision but a lot of these lighthearted comments just didn’t land. The other thing I didn’t like was a couple of times this book actually plays into misogynistic stereotypes which will always rub me the wrong way, but ESPECIALLY in a book about a woman-centred issue. One I can remember off the top of my head was a snarky comment about women who give birth with a full face of make up� so what?
I have experienced pregnancy loss which is why I read this book and I absolutely connected with it as expected. There were plenty of weepy moments throughout, partly because it dragged up a lot of my own grief, but also because of the way this book talks about the community of families affected by pregnancy loss and how we are essentially tricked into thinking we’re alone in this when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I highly recommend I’m Sorry For My Loss to others who have faced these struggles and want to know more about that experience in the context of the world around us. The authors have done a phenomenal job of helping their community be heard and highlighting real issues in reproductive healthcare.
March 31, 2025
This book... phew. I don't even know where to start. I learned so much and found myself shocked at simple facts that I feel like I should have known. Like the fact that the US has the highest maternal morality rate of the developed world. Or that the way we now view pregnancy and fetuses (the way people are expected, and often do, bond with their baby immediately or at least very early on in a pregnancy) is a relatively new cultural/societal phenomenon. I do think that if you are going to have an opinion on reproductive healthcare, and esPECially if you're going to try and make laws about it, you should read this book or something like it. You should know what it is you are actually forming an opinion about. And I think we should utilize modern medicine and scientific research instead of gutting programs that fund them, but hey, that's just me.
I have a laundry list of quotes that I pulled from this book. While reading, my mind was spinning and I couldn't stop the inevitable feelings of anger, sadness, and grief that I feel often come about with this topic. But sitting here and trying to whittle my thoughts into a review is proving incredibly difficult. Because where do you start? Do I talk about how fascinated I was reading about the history of pregnancy and healthcare in America? Or how frustrated I was getting as they explained the rise of the right as the "Pro-family" party? Or do I talk about seeing red while reading about the plethora of people who were denied care until their situation became what a doctor deemed 'life-threatening' simply because some people who have no business regulating pregnant bodies decided that a law protecting a woman's right to choose what her life looks like was more dangerous than the very real medical dangers of pregnancy and birth? Do I talk about how reading the chapters on grief and "making meaning" brought me back to seeing someone I love go through a stillbirth? How I can so clearly remember her telling me that she wished someone would tell her how she was supposed to get through this loss, and that all she wanted was for someone to tell her what to do next?
This book took the hellscape that is politicizing female bodies and pregnancy and put it into words. It put it into both historical and modern-day context and reminded me why this is a fight that we cannot afford to give up on. It made me feel hopeless; it made me feel hopeful. It brought so many voices into the light and showed that pregnancy loss is not this amorphous thing that some believe it is. It is experienced by so many people and yet is seen as this shameful event that only happens to a select few. And the authors touch on why: “The helplessness and loneliness so many of us feel after pregnancy loss are not a coincidence. They are the result of a culture that is deeply uncomfortably with grief, particularly female grief.� This culture of silence and shame we live in is destroying us. We cannot let it fester. Live and love and grieve and scream and cry loudly. Preferably in a government building of some sort.
“The fall of Roe has, for better or worse, brought to light the connectedness of all forms of pregnancy loss and the concept that it can be downright hazardous to ascribe blanket morality to difficult and highly specific medical choices.� so can everybody shut up about abortion please?
I have a laundry list of quotes that I pulled from this book. While reading, my mind was spinning and I couldn't stop the inevitable feelings of anger, sadness, and grief that I feel often come about with this topic. But sitting here and trying to whittle my thoughts into a review is proving incredibly difficult. Because where do you start? Do I talk about how fascinated I was reading about the history of pregnancy and healthcare in America? Or how frustrated I was getting as they explained the rise of the right as the "Pro-family" party? Or do I talk about seeing red while reading about the plethora of people who were denied care until their situation became what a doctor deemed 'life-threatening' simply because some people who have no business regulating pregnant bodies decided that a law protecting a woman's right to choose what her life looks like was more dangerous than the very real medical dangers of pregnancy and birth? Do I talk about how reading the chapters on grief and "making meaning" brought me back to seeing someone I love go through a stillbirth? How I can so clearly remember her telling me that she wished someone would tell her how she was supposed to get through this loss, and that all she wanted was for someone to tell her what to do next?
This book took the hellscape that is politicizing female bodies and pregnancy and put it into words. It put it into both historical and modern-day context and reminded me why this is a fight that we cannot afford to give up on. It made me feel hopeless; it made me feel hopeful. It brought so many voices into the light and showed that pregnancy loss is not this amorphous thing that some believe it is. It is experienced by so many people and yet is seen as this shameful event that only happens to a select few. And the authors touch on why: “The helplessness and loneliness so many of us feel after pregnancy loss are not a coincidence. They are the result of a culture that is deeply uncomfortably with grief, particularly female grief.� This culture of silence and shame we live in is destroying us. We cannot let it fester. Live and love and grieve and scream and cry loudly. Preferably in a government building of some sort.
“The fall of Roe has, for better or worse, brought to light the connectedness of all forms of pregnancy loss and the concept that it can be downright hazardous to ascribe blanket morality to difficult and highly specific medical choices.� so can everybody shut up about abortion please?
December 9, 2024
Quote and Quick Review:
“With no cultural script to follow, the burden is on grieving women to make their own meaning - an extra layer of emotional labor.�
It's part memoir, part history book, part science journal, and deeply funny (in a dark humor sort of way). This might come as a shock to many of you but evidently patriarchal capitalism hasn't exactly paved the way for appropriate knowledge, space, or care for women's health & reproductive health.
Expertly weaving history, personal accounts, and scientific descriptions this will likely serve as reference material (fortunately for the authors, and unfortunately for our grim reality) for a long time; detailing the current inflexion point where we have found ourselves.
SCORES
Plot (Storyline or Research and Data Accuracy)
9/10
Development (Character or Data Presentation)
10/10
Technique (Prose/Style or Data Analysis)
9/10
Theme (Importance, Relevance, Impact)
10/10
Vibes (Originality or Readability)
10/10
“With no cultural script to follow, the burden is on grieving women to make their own meaning - an extra layer of emotional labor.�
It's part memoir, part history book, part science journal, and deeply funny (in a dark humor sort of way). This might come as a shock to many of you but evidently patriarchal capitalism hasn't exactly paved the way for appropriate knowledge, space, or care for women's health & reproductive health.
Expertly weaving history, personal accounts, and scientific descriptions this will likely serve as reference material (fortunately for the authors, and unfortunately for our grim reality) for a long time; detailing the current inflexion point where we have found ourselves.
SCORES
Plot (Storyline or Research and Data Accuracy)
9/10
Development (Character or Data Presentation)
10/10
Technique (Prose/Style or Data Analysis)
9/10
Theme (Importance, Relevance, Impact)
10/10
Vibes (Originality or Readability)
10/10
February 7, 2025
I literally had to put this down between chapters so I could lay down and count to ten😂. This book was simultaneously fascinating, gut-wrenching and infuriating. It offers a detailed historical & political review and a scathing critique of the restrictions on women’s reproductive rights in the US. The case studies and stats� including what is omitted from statistical research� were fascinating. It was also interesting to read about the cases in which the infants were carried to term despite congenital or terminal diagnoses (either due to governmental restrictions or by choice)� outcomes we often see firsthand unfolding in the NICU. It has a satirical tone at times, which provides levity necessary to digest some of the heavier subject matter. Overall an important read that manages to both educate and provoke.
April 1, 2025
4 stars. Extremely eye-opening, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and anger inducing. The complexity that miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancies, etc. provide for female reproductive health were well examined in this book. I think anyone against abortion should read this to understand the full-picture and complexity of what they are against. I learned so much and left with great empathy for people who go through these situations.
January 14, 2025
Well researched with bits of humor for such a heavy subject. An unfortunately timely look at reproductive loss care in America.
If you’ve experienced a reproductive loss this book will comfort the lingering grief and help you feel understood
If you know someone who’s experienced a reproductive loss, this book will shine a light on the complexity of each situation and hopefully grow compassion around this subject.
If you’re on the fence around abortion rights, this book will explain the history of abortion in America and the twisted ways it has become such a taboo and a battleground for a two party system.
Basically, this should be required reading for anyone that knows someone with a uterus.
If you’ve experienced a reproductive loss this book will comfort the lingering grief and help you feel understood
If you know someone who’s experienced a reproductive loss, this book will shine a light on the complexity of each situation and hopefully grow compassion around this subject.
If you’re on the fence around abortion rights, this book will explain the history of abortion in America and the twisted ways it has become such a taboo and a battleground for a two party system.
Basically, this should be required reading for anyone that knows someone with a uterus.
February 2, 2025
This book was not an enjoyable read. Many times I got so mad at our history, politics, and healthcare systems I had to stop reading. However, it’s vitally important for these things to be brought to light. As a woman, a mother, an aunt, a friend I want so much better for the girls in my life. I want them to be able to access the healthcare that they need without guilt or shame.
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