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Dadland: A Journey into Uncharted Territory
Keggie Carew grew up in the gravitational field of an unorthodox father who lived on his wits and dazzling charm. As his memory begins to fail, she embarks on a quest to unravel his story, and soon finds herself in a far more consuming place than she had bargained for.
Tom Carew was a maverick, a left-handed stutterer, a law unto himself. As a member of an elite SOE unit he was parachuted behind enemy lines to raise guerrilla resistance in France, then Burma, in the Second World War. But his wartime exploits are only the start of it...
Dadland is a manhunt. Keggie takes us on a spellbinding journey, in peace and war, into surprising and shady corners of history, her rackety English childhood, the poignant breakdown of her family, the corridors of dementia and beyond. As Keggie pieces Tom � and herself � back together again, she celebrates the technicolour life of an impossible, irresistible, unstoppable man.
Tom Carew was a maverick, a left-handed stutterer, a law unto himself. As a member of an elite SOE unit he was parachuted behind enemy lines to raise guerrilla resistance in France, then Burma, in the Second World War. But his wartime exploits are only the start of it...
Dadland is a manhunt. Keggie takes us on a spellbinding journey, in peace and war, into surprising and shady corners of history, her rackety English childhood, the poignant breakdown of her family, the corridors of dementia and beyond. As Keggie pieces Tom � and herself � back together again, she celebrates the technicolour life of an impossible, irresistible, unstoppable man.
384 pages, Paperback
First published March 21, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 138 reviews
April 23, 2020
I started 'Dadland' shortly before the lockdown, then put it aside as I thought it would be depressing to read about a beloved father suffering from dementia. I picked it up again because leaving books part-read bugs me and was pleasantly surprised not to find it upsetting. Keggie Carew manages to sustain a tone that cheerfully celebrates her Dad's life, despite very difficult times, rather than mourning. Tom Carew certainly lived a fascinating life. Of particular interest are his exploits during the Second World War, when he was part of the Special Operations Executive. He parachuted into France shortly after the Normandy invasion to train and co-ordinate the maquis, with the aim of supporting the Allied armies from behind enemy lines. After France was liberated, he was parachuted into Burma to support resistance to the Japanese and remained there for years after the end of the war.
While his adventures in occupied France are thrilling, the chapters on Burma were even more interesting. I knew very little about WWII in Burma and was struck by the tensions created by colonialism. Carew supported Burmese independence, while the colonial authority-in-exile assumed they could pick up where the Japanese left off. Conflict between the SOE and other UK government bodies ended up requiring adjudication by the Supreme Allied Commander, Mountbatten. Keggie Carew explains the complex Burmese political situation clearly and juggles events in the 1940s, 1970s, and 2000s deftly in a single chapter. The juxtapositions of letters sent by her father in the 40s and notes he wrote to himself 60 years later are striking. I enjoyed the scrapbook-ish feeling of the narrative sprinkled with telegrams, photographs, and diary entries.
More uncomfortable to read are sections about Keggie's later family life, as her father struggled to find work and her mother's mental health deteriorated. She is very open about the flaws of both her parents. The book seeks to try and explain without excusing the times when their children suffered badly from their behaviour. While this is a considered and thoughtful book, it is also distinctly emotional. This makes for a compelling read and one that inspires reflection upon family history and old age more generally. While it isn't exclusively a biography of Tom Carew, that is by far its strongest thread. As long as you aren't currently consumed with worry about elderly relatives, I think 'Dadland' qualifies as a suitable lockdown read. As all my grandparents have sadly already passed away and my parents are only in their 60s, I have less to worry about on that front than many.
While his adventures in occupied France are thrilling, the chapters on Burma were even more interesting. I knew very little about WWII in Burma and was struck by the tensions created by colonialism. Carew supported Burmese independence, while the colonial authority-in-exile assumed they could pick up where the Japanese left off. Conflict between the SOE and other UK government bodies ended up requiring adjudication by the Supreme Allied Commander, Mountbatten. Keggie Carew explains the complex Burmese political situation clearly and juggles events in the 1940s, 1970s, and 2000s deftly in a single chapter. The juxtapositions of letters sent by her father in the 40s and notes he wrote to himself 60 years later are striking. I enjoyed the scrapbook-ish feeling of the narrative sprinkled with telegrams, photographs, and diary entries.
More uncomfortable to read are sections about Keggie's later family life, as her father struggled to find work and her mother's mental health deteriorated. She is very open about the flaws of both her parents. The book seeks to try and explain without excusing the times when their children suffered badly from their behaviour. While this is a considered and thoughtful book, it is also distinctly emotional. This makes for a compelling read and one that inspires reflection upon family history and old age more generally. While it isn't exclusively a biography of Tom Carew, that is by far its strongest thread. As long as you aren't currently consumed with worry about elderly relatives, I think 'Dadland' qualifies as a suitable lockdown read. As all my grandparents have sadly already passed away and my parents are only in their 60s, I have less to worry about on that front than many.
March 16, 2017
Powerful memoir of love and memory
A daughter pieces together her father’s wartime history while his own memories fade away through dementia.
Keggie Carew has produced an usual book that is part military history and part journey of discovery into her father’s life and the challenges of caring for someone with dementia. This makes the book far more personal and human as Keggie struggles with her father’s behaviour whilst learning of his adventures as a member of the Special Operations Executive in German-occupied France then in Japanese-held Burma during the Second World War.
It’s powerful and at times comical stuff, whilst very moving as her love for her father shines through all her challenges and discoveries.
A fascinating dual narrative true story that will remain with you for some time.
A daughter pieces together her father’s wartime history while his own memories fade away through dementia.
Keggie Carew has produced an usual book that is part military history and part journey of discovery into her father’s life and the challenges of caring for someone with dementia. This makes the book far more personal and human as Keggie struggles with her father’s behaviour whilst learning of his adventures as a member of the Special Operations Executive in German-occupied France then in Japanese-held Burma during the Second World War.
It’s powerful and at times comical stuff, whilst very moving as her love for her father shines through all her challenges and discoveries.
A fascinating dual narrative true story that will remain with you for some time.
April 12, 2017
One of the best things I've read in a long, long time. Reminiscent in parts of "H Is for Hawk" for its intense, plangent sadness, but very much its own animal—a mesmerizing hybrid, part war history, part memoir, suffused by the incredible energy and life force of Tom Carew, the author's father, who fought with a special forces unit with the Maquis behind enemy lines at the Franco-Swiss border and then almost immediately parachuted into the jungles of Burma to fight with guerrilla forces against the Japanese. Except that now, in his 80s, Tom Carew is descending into dementia, and it is up to Keggie, his daughter, to resurrect his earlier life from letters, photos, and archived documents, and to wrestle with her own sense of loss as the father she knew slips away. Wrenching, beautiful, smart, and mordantly, archly funny. An amazing read.
December 14, 2017
Loved this so much. Made me laugh, and made me cry. Even the war stuff (that lots of people didn't seem to like) kept me gripped. Very likely to be in my top 10 books of the year
July 22, 2020
by won the Costa Book Award for Biography (2016), and it's easy to see why.
's father Tom Carew was a war hero and an unconventional father. As Tom succumbs to dementia, Keggie tries to piece together his life story.
uncovers Tom's work with the Special Operations Executive (SOE) in occupied France and Burma during WW2, and these accounts are interspersed with Keggie's memories of family life, and her father's more recent dementia induced erratic behaviour. Tom married three very different women, whose stories are every bit as intersting as Tom's own.
It's an unlikely life and an incredible tale with a plethora of ups and downs.
4/5
Keggie Carew grew up in the gravitational field of an unorthodox father who lived on his wits and dazzling charm. As his memory begins to fail, she embarks on a quest to unravel his story, and soon finds herself in a far more consuming place than she had bargained for.
Tom Carew was a maverick, a left-handed stutterer, a law unto himself. As a member of an elite SOE unit he was parachuted behind enemy lines to raise guerrilla resistance in France, then Burma, in the Second World War. But his wartime exploits are only the start of it...
Dadland is a manhunt. Keggie takes us on a spellbinding journey, in peace and war, into surprising and shady corners of history, her rackety English childhood, the poignant breakdown of her family, the corridors of dementia and beyond. As Keggie pieces Tom � and herself � back together again, she celebrates the technicolour life of an impossible, irresistible, unstoppable man.
's father Tom Carew was a war hero and an unconventional father. As Tom succumbs to dementia, Keggie tries to piece together his life story.
uncovers Tom's work with the Special Operations Executive (SOE) in occupied France and Burma during WW2, and these accounts are interspersed with Keggie's memories of family life, and her father's more recent dementia induced erratic behaviour. Tom married three very different women, whose stories are every bit as intersting as Tom's own.
It's an unlikely life and an incredible tale with a plethora of ups and downs.
4/5
Keggie Carew grew up in the gravitational field of an unorthodox father who lived on his wits and dazzling charm. As his memory begins to fail, she embarks on a quest to unravel his story, and soon finds herself in a far more consuming place than she had bargained for.
Tom Carew was a maverick, a left-handed stutterer, a law unto himself. As a member of an elite SOE unit he was parachuted behind enemy lines to raise guerrilla resistance in France, then Burma, in the Second World War. But his wartime exploits are only the start of it...
Dadland is a manhunt. Keggie takes us on a spellbinding journey, in peace and war, into surprising and shady corners of history, her rackety English childhood, the poignant breakdown of her family, the corridors of dementia and beyond. As Keggie pieces Tom � and herself � back together again, she celebrates the technicolour life of an impossible, irresistible, unstoppable man.
February 7, 2017
biography of the author's eccentric father
Irishman in the British army, part of Jed teams parachuted behind enemy lines in occupied France to support and train Maquis resistance fighters and sabotage German lines
Quick trip home to marry and honeymoon before being deployed to Burma to train resistance their rebelling against Japanese (and British establishment)
subsequent life could be seen as anticlimactic after this, and does not always succeed in ventures and family life, but shown to be a free thinking, ambitious, supportive man, in the most part
meticulously researched, both the family history, the activities of the secret units her father was deployed in, and the conflicts, in particular lots of interesting detail on Burma and the main resistance players - really fleshed out the story, although once or twice kind of got the sense that it was a case of 'I've done this research so by-God I'm going to use it...'
this was well balanced by the current narrative as Dad adjusted to life with Alzheimer's and author adjusts to losing Dad bit by bit
moves from military campaign detail to poetic reflections on aging, memory, family
“But in the service when we recite 'They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old', we both cry. For different reasons. I have become swept up in this. These wiry old lions. Their properness. Their improperness. Their tidy jackets. Their name tags. Their risky humour. Their imagination. Their no shit. I am ashamed of what we haven't done with our freedom and their victories. Living off the fat of the land. With our central heating and our power steering and our fast food and our leaf-blowers and our shopping malls. My tears are self-indulgent: about loss, the world; and about me probably. While Dad is just having a cry.�
Dad is up at first light. To birdsong he cannot identify, or maybe it's a frog. He nods to a sentry and leaves the camp. He makes his way to a small rise of higher ground above the bend in the river. A low white mist hangs over the surface as if tethered by strands of invisible silk. He wants a minute to himself; he squints through the mist to the inimical horizon, judges it safe enough to light his pipe. From his breast pocket he fishes out his packet of baccy. Hovers his nose over the sweet odour of the soft brown leaves. He pulls out a few strands, packs them lightly into his pipe's bowl. Then flicks the lid of his lighter and spins the wheel. A blue flame sways as the smell of lighter fuel momentarily overpowers the sweetness of the tobacco. He fills his cheeks with the pungent smoke. Crouched on this haunches, he watches tails of vapour rise and disappear. A warm easterly stipples the surface of the river. A noise from behind him makes his heart skip a beat as two large wings soar over him, like sails, woosh, woosh, slow and beautiful. Reminding him there is still another world. He watches the bird until it melts into the trees on the horizon. for one brief moment, he is wholly astonished at who and where he is
The jostling of ghosts and soon-to-be-ghosts, yourself included. We think about this, you and I, in private and without telling each other. With morbid secrecy I study your old hand with my younger eye, knowing that soon it will be a lifeless one; it rests on the kitchen table, then fiddles with your penknife; your knuckles and finger joints are a collection of small boulders now, almost bursting through the tissue thin, speckled skin. Your whole body has become geological. Stones and flinty bones. Crags. Hills. Furrows. Fissures. Your nails ridged and calciferous. The frosted forest of your mouth. Breath a mist. Skin starting to resemble a dried lake crust. And ebbing slowly as a pebble, molecule by molecule ... I am now the spy. Spying. Thinking it. And then your hand lies quite still for a moment, and sadness overwhelms me
Irishman in the British army, part of Jed teams parachuted behind enemy lines in occupied France to support and train Maquis resistance fighters and sabotage German lines
Quick trip home to marry and honeymoon before being deployed to Burma to train resistance their rebelling against Japanese (and British establishment)
subsequent life could be seen as anticlimactic after this, and does not always succeed in ventures and family life, but shown to be a free thinking, ambitious, supportive man, in the most part
meticulously researched, both the family history, the activities of the secret units her father was deployed in, and the conflicts, in particular lots of interesting detail on Burma and the main resistance players - really fleshed out the story, although once or twice kind of got the sense that it was a case of 'I've done this research so by-God I'm going to use it...'
this was well balanced by the current narrative as Dad adjusted to life with Alzheimer's and author adjusts to losing Dad bit by bit
moves from military campaign detail to poetic reflections on aging, memory, family
“But in the service when we recite 'They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old', we both cry. For different reasons. I have become swept up in this. These wiry old lions. Their properness. Their improperness. Their tidy jackets. Their name tags. Their risky humour. Their imagination. Their no shit. I am ashamed of what we haven't done with our freedom and their victories. Living off the fat of the land. With our central heating and our power steering and our fast food and our leaf-blowers and our shopping malls. My tears are self-indulgent: about loss, the world; and about me probably. While Dad is just having a cry.�
Dad is up at first light. To birdsong he cannot identify, or maybe it's a frog. He nods to a sentry and leaves the camp. He makes his way to a small rise of higher ground above the bend in the river. A low white mist hangs over the surface as if tethered by strands of invisible silk. He wants a minute to himself; he squints through the mist to the inimical horizon, judges it safe enough to light his pipe. From his breast pocket he fishes out his packet of baccy. Hovers his nose over the sweet odour of the soft brown leaves. He pulls out a few strands, packs them lightly into his pipe's bowl. Then flicks the lid of his lighter and spins the wheel. A blue flame sways as the smell of lighter fuel momentarily overpowers the sweetness of the tobacco. He fills his cheeks with the pungent smoke. Crouched on this haunches, he watches tails of vapour rise and disappear. A warm easterly stipples the surface of the river. A noise from behind him makes his heart skip a beat as two large wings soar over him, like sails, woosh, woosh, slow and beautiful. Reminding him there is still another world. He watches the bird until it melts into the trees on the horizon. for one brief moment, he is wholly astonished at who and where he is
The jostling of ghosts and soon-to-be-ghosts, yourself included. We think about this, you and I, in private and without telling each other. With morbid secrecy I study your old hand with my younger eye, knowing that soon it will be a lifeless one; it rests on the kitchen table, then fiddles with your penknife; your knuckles and finger joints are a collection of small boulders now, almost bursting through the tissue thin, speckled skin. Your whole body has become geological. Stones and flinty bones. Crags. Hills. Furrows. Fissures. Your nails ridged and calciferous. The frosted forest of your mouth. Breath a mist. Skin starting to resemble a dried lake crust. And ebbing slowly as a pebble, molecule by molecule ... I am now the spy. Spying. Thinking it. And then your hand lies quite still for a moment, and sadness overwhelms me
March 16, 2017
Tom Carew was a remarkable man by anyone’s standards, and his daughter Keggie’s memoir is both riveting and entertaining. Tom Carew � amongst other things � was part of the Jedburghs, an elite British unit in WWII. I’d never heard of them before, but what a brave and adventurous lot they were. I did get a bit bogged down in all the fighting in Burma, but that apart I found this a compelling and moving account of a man’s life. Keggie Carew chronicles not only her father’s exploits but also his family life and, sadly, his descent into dementia, which was the impetus for her to find out as much about him whilst he still had some memories. The strong bond between father and daughter is plain to see � but my goodness, he wasn’t an easy man to live with! I very much enjoyed the book, and also learnt a lot about the history of Burma. An excellent read.
July 14, 2022
Keggie Carew has written a book that is one part memoir, one part family saga, and one part military adventure. And it’s all tied together in one Gordian knot quite marvelously by a daughter who adored her unique father.
Called into service, as many of us are, as her father is declining into dementia, Ms. Carew discovers a treasure trove of letters, certificates, diaries, photos, memorabilia, and trophies in her Dad’s attic. Using these documents to lay the ground work, she interviews Dad’s fellow guerrilla warriors, talks with her siblings, and weaves in her personal memories. It’s complex. It’s fascinating. And, it’s made all the more interesting by Ms. Carew’s writing style. She can string together lists of the contents in a box separated by a score of commas without a semi-colon in sight. Not only does it make sense but also it draws you in. As an author still struggling with the rule of threes, I am in awe.
Carew’s Dad was the youngest Lt. Colonel in the British Army during WWII, an honor he earned by parachuting behind enemy lines in France and Burma. His success is earned by his leadership skills, his charisma, and his courage. His family life is complicated. His business life even more so. Through it all, Ms. Carew’s love for him shines through. And, by the end, you love him too.
This is a wonderful book.
Called into service, as many of us are, as her father is declining into dementia, Ms. Carew discovers a treasure trove of letters, certificates, diaries, photos, memorabilia, and trophies in her Dad’s attic. Using these documents to lay the ground work, she interviews Dad’s fellow guerrilla warriors, talks with her siblings, and weaves in her personal memories. It’s complex. It’s fascinating. And, it’s made all the more interesting by Ms. Carew’s writing style. She can string together lists of the contents in a box separated by a score of commas without a semi-colon in sight. Not only does it make sense but also it draws you in. As an author still struggling with the rule of threes, I am in awe.
Carew’s Dad was the youngest Lt. Colonel in the British Army during WWII, an honor he earned by parachuting behind enemy lines in France and Burma. His success is earned by his leadership skills, his charisma, and his courage. His family life is complicated. His business life even more so. Through it all, Ms. Carew’s love for him shines through. And, by the end, you love him too.
This is a wonderful book.
June 20, 2017
Tom Carew was quite an amazing guy; at the age of 24 he parachuted into Nazi-occupied France as part of a secret operation with the codename Jedburgh. As secret agents went, he was bold and talented and unbelievable brave and caused lots of disruption; he even managed to escape from the Germans after having been captured. Having completed a successful mission he next destination was Burma, a place that would forge his reputation, making him somewhat of a legend as ‘Lawrence of Burma� or the ‘Mad Irishman�. His exploits culminated in the award of a Distinguished Service Order (DSO), the youngest officer to ever obtain this.
To Keggie though he was just her dad. She was proud of his record during the war, even though she didn’t always understand what he had done, nor the significance of his actions. He had a liberal view of school, taking her out to take part in activities and providing the school with dubious reasons why. Her parents then split, and with the arrival of a step-mother on the scene, it meant that the strong bond she once had with her father, had gone. This gap lasted far too long, but in 2003 her step mother passed away and they pretty much picked up where they left off. She accompanied him to a Jedburgh reunion to meet up with lots of other veterans, their attitude to life and refusal to defer to authority was quite refreshing and it prompted Keggie to start to begin to sift through the files in his loft to learn more about his wartime antics. What suddenly made this uncovering of her father’s history more urgent was that Tom had suffered a series of small strokes and was starting to show signs of the long decline into dementia. And as Tom’s memories ebbed away, Keggie began to recover them through the documents.
It is a complex story that Keggie tells about her father and family. She weaves together the plight of her father as he forgets who his children are with the drama and excitement of the behind lines war activities. He was quite an amazing man and his military achievements gained him a DSO, but after the war, he found it hard to settle into regular life as a civilian. Even in his care home, he managed to cause a certain amount of chaos. Keggie’s writing is immersive and at times dense, the section about his military work in Burma was almost as hard to get through as hacking your way through a jungle there, but she writes with a warmth and generosity about her father, a man who was a genuine character and hero.
To Keggie though he was just her dad. She was proud of his record during the war, even though she didn’t always understand what he had done, nor the significance of his actions. He had a liberal view of school, taking her out to take part in activities and providing the school with dubious reasons why. Her parents then split, and with the arrival of a step-mother on the scene, it meant that the strong bond she once had with her father, had gone. This gap lasted far too long, but in 2003 her step mother passed away and they pretty much picked up where they left off. She accompanied him to a Jedburgh reunion to meet up with lots of other veterans, their attitude to life and refusal to defer to authority was quite refreshing and it prompted Keggie to start to begin to sift through the files in his loft to learn more about his wartime antics. What suddenly made this uncovering of her father’s history more urgent was that Tom had suffered a series of small strokes and was starting to show signs of the long decline into dementia. And as Tom’s memories ebbed away, Keggie began to recover them through the documents.
It is a complex story that Keggie tells about her father and family. She weaves together the plight of her father as he forgets who his children are with the drama and excitement of the behind lines war activities. He was quite an amazing man and his military achievements gained him a DSO, but after the war, he found it hard to settle into regular life as a civilian. Even in his care home, he managed to cause a certain amount of chaos. Keggie’s writing is immersive and at times dense, the section about his military work in Burma was almost as hard to get through as hacking your way through a jungle there, but she writes with a warmth and generosity about her father, a man who was a genuine character and hero.
December 3, 2016
A wonderful book. Tom Carew is a remarkable man, both unconventional and eccentric. This is his story, written and meticulously researched by his daughter Keggie.
Keggie has investigated both his early life as a member of an elite SOE unit where he was known as “the mad Irishman�, as well as his rather less successful peacetime exploits. Add to this a colourful personal life, an old age beset by dementia and a multitude of personal memories and Keggie has enough material for a book, which in her talented hands is nothing short of a masterpiece. She chronicles all the information in such a brutally honest and engaging way that it is hard to believe she is a previously unpublished author. Her style is confident, natural and extremely readable and the result is a unique piece of history interwoven with stories of the life of the man who created it.
Tom’s war career was illustrious. It was filled with suspense, courage, fear, improvisation and spontaneity. If you could choose a person to be at your side in a war zone it would be Tom Carew. In peacetime you would definitely choose someone else. His post-war life back in the UK was less successful, both in terms of his career and his personal life but he never lost the tendency to flout convention.
In old age, Tom developed dementia. Whilst caring for a loved one with dementia must be heartbreaking, frustrating and emotionally draining, not to mention just plain hard work, Keggie has the ability to appreciate the numerous situations that arise which are both funny and poignant. She retells these with both honesty and a sense of humour, creating a wonderful mix of amusing anecdotes tinged with a sadness for the father who she is losing.
As the story unfolded I became more and more intrigued with the life of Tom Carew and the suspense lasts to the very last page of the book.
I cannot think of anything that I would want to change about this book. Well done Keggie.
Thoroughly recommended � I sincerely hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.
Keggie has investigated both his early life as a member of an elite SOE unit where he was known as “the mad Irishman�, as well as his rather less successful peacetime exploits. Add to this a colourful personal life, an old age beset by dementia and a multitude of personal memories and Keggie has enough material for a book, which in her talented hands is nothing short of a masterpiece. She chronicles all the information in such a brutally honest and engaging way that it is hard to believe she is a previously unpublished author. Her style is confident, natural and extremely readable and the result is a unique piece of history interwoven with stories of the life of the man who created it.
Tom’s war career was illustrious. It was filled with suspense, courage, fear, improvisation and spontaneity. If you could choose a person to be at your side in a war zone it would be Tom Carew. In peacetime you would definitely choose someone else. His post-war life back in the UK was less successful, both in terms of his career and his personal life but he never lost the tendency to flout convention.
In old age, Tom developed dementia. Whilst caring for a loved one with dementia must be heartbreaking, frustrating and emotionally draining, not to mention just plain hard work, Keggie has the ability to appreciate the numerous situations that arise which are both funny and poignant. She retells these with both honesty and a sense of humour, creating a wonderful mix of amusing anecdotes tinged with a sadness for the father who she is losing.
As the story unfolded I became more and more intrigued with the life of Tom Carew and the suspense lasts to the very last page of the book.
I cannot think of anything that I would want to change about this book. Well done Keggie.
Thoroughly recommended � I sincerely hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.
July 18, 2020
I give this more credit and enjoyed this more than perhaps I might've expected - more than the sum of its parts, in truth. Here Keggie Carew tells the tale of her extraordinary father Tom, his colourful life as a SOE operative in WWII in France and Burma and afterwards, all counterpointed against present-day sections where she discusses the sad advance of his dementia.
Much of the historical content was interesting (some a little less so - I couldn't quite see the point of extended biographies of various other tangential members of her family) and I found the modern discussions of coping with her dad's disintegrating faculties to be sensitive, honest and compelling. Overall it was well-written and creditably illustrated the subject's interesting life for the reader.
But yes. Seeing a praising quote from Helen 'H is for Hawk' Macdonald on the cover, this did make me aware of what I slightly disliked. No matter how beautifully written and well-researched, the historical sections were a narrow and naturally biased insight in to the events at that time and place, and the modern-day bits felt cathartic and personal but also small. Would I have preferred a shorter book just about a wider range of Allied clandestine/guerilla operations, straight non-fiction? Would I have preferred a simpler sensitive book about a daughter dealing with her elderly father's mental disintegration? Maybe. But I don't begrudge the author for writing this how she did, and I did enjoy it.
Much of the historical content was interesting (some a little less so - I couldn't quite see the point of extended biographies of various other tangential members of her family) and I found the modern discussions of coping with her dad's disintegrating faculties to be sensitive, honest and compelling. Overall it was well-written and creditably illustrated the subject's interesting life for the reader.
But yes. Seeing a praising quote from Helen 'H is for Hawk' Macdonald on the cover, this did make me aware of what I slightly disliked. No matter how beautifully written and well-researched, the historical sections were a narrow and naturally biased insight in to the events at that time and place, and the modern-day bits felt cathartic and personal but also small. Would I have preferred a shorter book just about a wider range of Allied clandestine/guerilla operations, straight non-fiction? Would I have preferred a simpler sensitive book about a daughter dealing with her elderly father's mental disintegration? Maybe. But I don't begrudge the author for writing this how she did, and I did enjoy it.
July 23, 2017
The unorthodox and chaotic life of former Jedburgh Tom Carew makes for an unorthodox and chaotic book. Family and military histories are interwoven into a dense and knotty narrative that can at times be exasperating and demanding but has a thread of great charm, just like the main character. Whether this reflects the skill of the writer, Carew's daughter, or whether it's a rambling mess that needs much tighter editing I am not sure. Many episodes are juxtaposed within chapters for no obvious reason, making for a very jumbled and random feel to the narrative, as if Keggie Carew was trying to jam in every detail of her extensive research come what may. My approach was to skim over much of the war time exploits as the level of detail on conflicts in France, Ireland, Burma, the CIA and Castro etc etc was more than I could absorb and my main interest was the fascinating character of Carew. How could someone so successfully adapt to the demands of war yet be unable to adapt to supporting his family in civilian life?
April 10, 2017
A daughter's biography of her Father, and his battle with dementia. In part, it is a very interesting story of her Father, Thomas Carew, who was a member of the Jedburghs, who were essentially the WWII equivalent of the Green Berets, Special Forces, who parachuted behind enemy lines to train and equip Resistance fighters.
The book also wanders somewhat haphazardly through family history, as it bounces back and forth from World War II to the 1960's, to the present day, to World War I and the Irish Rebellion. It was both interesting, and informative.
The book also wanders somewhat haphazardly through family history, as it bounces back and forth from World War II to the 1960's, to the present day, to World War I and the Irish Rebellion. It was both interesting, and informative.
July 7, 2017
Dadland is a thrilling book about how a daughter tries to make sense of her father's life and she spends years patiently collecting the details. It covers many aspects including her own growing up, his dementia and how she and her family cared for him, family crises and the father's wartime service as a Jedburgh in France and Burma.
It does not necessarily follow a chronological pattern and this helps because the present often helps to understand the past and the past shines light on the future .Keggie Carew's writing is superb and you can feel her agonies and joys. Her description of her father's wartime experiences behind enemy lines in both France and Burma are so exciting and the latter campaign - the so-called 'forgotten war' - is described as well as I've ever read.
How her father is unable to settle into post-war life and find a job and the effect that this has on his family is wonderfully told, as well perhaps in the classic movie The Best Years of Our Lives. And the periods of dementia, to see a war hero, youngest ever Lieutenant Colonel and holder of the DSO, reduced to helplessness by this awful disease, tears the reader apart. Fantastic.
David Lowther. Author of The Blue Pencil, Liberating Belsen and Two Families at War, all published by Sacristy Press.
It does not necessarily follow a chronological pattern and this helps because the present often helps to understand the past and the past shines light on the future .Keggie Carew's writing is superb and you can feel her agonies and joys. Her description of her father's wartime experiences behind enemy lines in both France and Burma are so exciting and the latter campaign - the so-called 'forgotten war' - is described as well as I've ever read.
How her father is unable to settle into post-war life and find a job and the effect that this has on his family is wonderfully told, as well perhaps in the classic movie The Best Years of Our Lives. And the periods of dementia, to see a war hero, youngest ever Lieutenant Colonel and holder of the DSO, reduced to helplessness by this awful disease, tears the reader apart. Fantastic.
David Lowther. Author of The Blue Pencil, Liberating Belsen and Two Families at War, all published by Sacristy Press.
May 6, 2017
This could have been a VERY compelling read, but Keggie Carew's neediness intruded, then took over the book. The sideline story of Keggie's "wicked stepmother" should have been just that--a brief sideline that added depth to the story. Instead, it was a steady current running though Keggie's mind and the book. It was like listening to someone who has been stalled in therapy for many years.
The other deterrant to the story's flow was Keggie's need to throw in every little detail rather than taking the highlights and weaving a fascinating story that leads readers deeper and deeper into the story. It was like going into those boring museums where every little thing is on display, enshrined in glass cases vs. museums that make history come alive by creating visual reenactments of history, etc. Visit the amazing Abraham Lincoln museum and you'll see what I mean.
The other deterrant to the story's flow was Keggie's need to throw in every little detail rather than taking the highlights and weaving a fascinating story that leads readers deeper and deeper into the story. It was like going into those boring museums where every little thing is on display, enshrined in glass cases vs. museums that make history come alive by creating visual reenactments of history, etc. Visit the amazing Abraham Lincoln museum and you'll see what I mean.
October 10, 2017
This was not a comfortable book to read. Any time you get an intimate look at another family's skeletons, you feel like you should turn away. My heart ached for all of them. I wanted so badly for things to get better. It was so personal and beautifully written. I was charmed by Tom Carew, just like everyone else who met him - both as a Jedburgh (fascinating history!) hero and as a victim of the effects of dementia (there was a period between the two when I didn't like him much).
September 4, 2016
I won this as part of the goodreads giveaway and so glad I did. A wonderfully written book that grabs your attention and is so interesting. I love the switches between narratives.So accurately written and I loved the relationships and how they were explored throughout. I couldn't put it down!
November 21, 2017
I heard Keggie Carew talking about this book at my local literary festival and was impressed. The book doesn't disappoint. Her father, Tom Carew, was a fascinating man and led a remarkable life. Although her starting point is her father's dementia, she does not dwell on it too much and mainly concentrates on his war service as part of the Jedburghs - the special forces teams parachuted behind enemy lines in the Second World War to work with resistance fighters. Personally, I found the section on the operations in France post D-day more interesting than the operations against the Japanese in Burma which gets a bit bogged down with colonial politics and the complicated machinations of the various nationalist politicians.
September 26, 2021
A brave tale told with admirable clarity, from amassed, often secret and occasionally contradictory evidence through Keggie Carew's loving but clear-sighted knowledge of her father, Tom Carew. His chequered history of career and family, her striving for his admiration, her despair and sadness at the ageing disintegration of his mind.
In some ways, a tale for us all to measure ourselves, our past and our future against, despite the fact only a small proportion will have such a breadth of experiences.
In some ways, a tale for us all to measure ourselves, our past and our future against, despite the fact only a small proportion will have such a breadth of experiences.
December 21, 2019
Keggie Carew's remarkable book is both a biography of and a homage to her unconventional father Tom Carew, variously a Special Operations Executive guerilla and an intelligence agent with the Intelligence Corps and MI6. The book is a braided rope, entwined within which are narratives of Tom's courageous and maverick exploits, analysis of wartime Burmese politics, the story of pulling together threads of research and, movingly, the pain of living with a relative's increasing dementia. Highly recommended!
February 4, 2022
I read this book then my husband listened to the audio version. We both loved it. A memoir about the wartime adventures of an extraordinary and eccentric englishman interspersed with the present day where his daughter witnesses his descent in dementia. Rivetting, poignant, funny and tragic. Well worth a read. It's lovely to know that characters like Tom Carew exist.
March 25, 2018
Didn’t make it through the whole thing because it’s just not quite my normal genre, but what I did read was interesting and informative - I’d still recommend it if you enjoy a nonfiction war read.
April 10, 2018
A bit heavy going in places,too many lists,too much war.
An endearing character ,and amazing research resources. Found large gaps in my knowledge,especially regarding Japanese occupation of Burma
An endearing character ,and amazing research resources. Found large gaps in my knowledge,especially regarding Japanese occupation of Burma
July 8, 2017
This book told the story of the author's father and also of their family life. While jarring at first, I liked the way she interwove the various times in the past era and present era. Setting her brave father of the war times past with her dementia-ridden child-like father of his late years.
I found the stories of the war time achievements to be informative and well told. I found her depiction of the troubled family life touching and makes me remember how much I must work harder to be a better father. The historical references and name-dropping (not necessarily in a bad way) shows the heights of her dad's achievements and the pride that she must have felt. That he can also be brought low with ordinary problems like job, money, and familial strife is a reminder of the continual struggles that we must all face and to take nothing for granted.
I learned some more about the British colonialism, not from the history book perspective but from those who were on the ground, in the midst of the clash of the rulers and the ruled. Learned more about the story of Burma, about post-war Britain. Though at times it felt like it dragged a little bit, it painted a very full picture with information and recollections from different sources. I think the book was well put together, and I enjoyed it quite a bit.
I found the stories of the war time achievements to be informative and well told. I found her depiction of the troubled family life touching and makes me remember how much I must work harder to be a better father. The historical references and name-dropping (not necessarily in a bad way) shows the heights of her dad's achievements and the pride that she must have felt. That he can also be brought low with ordinary problems like job, money, and familial strife is a reminder of the continual struggles that we must all face and to take nothing for granted.
I learned some more about the British colonialism, not from the history book perspective but from those who were on the ground, in the midst of the clash of the rulers and the ruled. Learned more about the story of Burma, about post-war Britain. Though at times it felt like it dragged a little bit, it painted a very full picture with information and recollections from different sources. I think the book was well put together, and I enjoyed it quite a bit.
February 20, 2017
I heard of this through Costa and would describe it as an enjoyable yet difficult read at times.
Tom Carew was a rare breed of a man, bohemian, quirky with a hugh pinch of odd.
Keggie his daughter told his story ‘warts and all� and despite his brilliance it is evident that he was an extremely difficult man to live with or exist alongside.
Tom had such an action packed life which Keggie investigated. In his early years he was a member of the SOE elite unit. He was known as the ‘mad Irishman�. Postwar his ventures were nowhere as successful. His personal life was as colourful as his work life. Sadly dementia comes to him in old age.
Keggie puts all this together. For her it must have been so sad yet enlightening to step along her family’s life journey seeing it through different eyes. She portrays history through her personal family life. Keggie brings honesty to the story yet presents it in such a ‘draw you in� kind of way. I was shocked that Keggie was an unpublished author prior to this.
Tom’s war career was distinguished, courageous with suspense and fear. In a way during the war he was too daring too fearless. One of his comrades described getting buddied up with him as ‘drawing the short straw�
I guess he may have been trying to recreate that ‘buzz� in his post war exploits. He continued to flout convention yet was less successful affecting deeply the lives of those closest to him. In some ways it must have felt like existing alongside a train wreck with the directions he took and the pieces others had to pick up and deal with as a result.
In his latter years dementia was his companion. Keggie describes this as it was yet adding in the funny personal humorous things her Dad did and said.
I hope telling this story ultimately helped Keggie and her family to see the wonderful yet flawed life of a loved father. It was a wonderful read and I would recommend it.
Tom Carew was a rare breed of a man, bohemian, quirky with a hugh pinch of odd.
Keggie his daughter told his story ‘warts and all� and despite his brilliance it is evident that he was an extremely difficult man to live with or exist alongside.
Tom had such an action packed life which Keggie investigated. In his early years he was a member of the SOE elite unit. He was known as the ‘mad Irishman�. Postwar his ventures were nowhere as successful. His personal life was as colourful as his work life. Sadly dementia comes to him in old age.
Keggie puts all this together. For her it must have been so sad yet enlightening to step along her family’s life journey seeing it through different eyes. She portrays history through her personal family life. Keggie brings honesty to the story yet presents it in such a ‘draw you in� kind of way. I was shocked that Keggie was an unpublished author prior to this.
Tom’s war career was distinguished, courageous with suspense and fear. In a way during the war he was too daring too fearless. One of his comrades described getting buddied up with him as ‘drawing the short straw�
I guess he may have been trying to recreate that ‘buzz� in his post war exploits. He continued to flout convention yet was less successful affecting deeply the lives of those closest to him. In some ways it must have felt like existing alongside a train wreck with the directions he took and the pieces others had to pick up and deal with as a result.
In his latter years dementia was his companion. Keggie describes this as it was yet adding in the funny personal humorous things her Dad did and said.
I hope telling this story ultimately helped Keggie and her family to see the wonderful yet flawed life of a loved father. It was a wonderful read and I would recommend it.
July 5, 2018
Read More Book Reviews on my blog
Summary:
This is a memoir-cum-biography, the true story of a daughter striving to reclaim her Dad from the grip of dementia, and her discoveries of who her father really was. Her father was a leading figure in the Jedburgh’s, a secret guerrilla-type force operating behind enemy lines in WWII France and Burma.
Main Characters:
Tom Carew: The Dad, a “mad Irishman�, and self-described good terrorist who fought the hidden battles of WWII and Burma, only to meet a grimmer foe in dementia.
Keggie Carew: The daughter, who undertakes the journey with her Dad.
Minor Characters:
Stepmother: Carew’s third wife, an unsympathetic figure, and has unhappy relationship with the author.
Plot:
This is a story of two halves, both of which are fractured.
First Half:
We are given the family history of Tom Carew, an unsung hero of the Second World War. Born in Dublin, Ireland in 1919, his family moved to England when he was two, fleeing the torching of the Big Houses where his father worked.
In 1943, Carew joined the SOE [Special Operations Executive] as a Jedburgh, as a specially-trained infiltration agent, their motto being “Surprise. Kill. Vanish�. The name Jedburgh reputedly comes from a train stopover town in Scotland by the group’s commanding officer, when looking for a name.
They were usually three man teams, comprising an SOE agent, an American OSS [Office of Strategic Services], and a native French speaker (member of the Free French). These men were parachuted into German-occupied France, where by linking up with the local Maquis, and operating covertly, they create huge disruption and confusion miles behind enemy lines, delaying the movements of troops and materiel into the battle zone.
They were not only well-trained terrorists, but needed to be politically astute as well, navigating the local “power struggles� of the Maquis, and the trickle-down effect resulting from the interference of national and international politicians.
Carew next operates in Burma, helping the Burmese (Aung San and others) to rid themselves of the occupying Japanese force. This was an increasingly-fraught political situation too, as the British Indian Civil Service was utterly opposed to arming the nationalist-leaning Burmese resistance, yet Mountbatten had to use them in order to win his war. Carew was firmly on the side of the anti-colonialists. There is a lovely image, where the former governor Dorman-Smith lies in Rangoon harbour, still believing he holds the whip-hand, offering the Burmese a move towards self-government in the future, but to remain under direct British rule until then, and the Burmese politely but firmly refusing, as they already have the power, and are not going to give it back..
Throughout these stories of the war, where we have no doubt left about the man’s bravery, intelligence, charm and leadership abilities, the author intersperses the current life with her dad in his last years, and tells us why and how this book came about. He suffers from dementia, and she is slowly losing him to that fog.
Second Half:
The second part of the book deals with Tom Carew’s post-war life, and the book really takes off in its exploration of the importance of choosing the path to travel, and the reasons we do so. A defining phrase of this book will be the author asking how her father, with everything going for him, conspired to “make an almighty cock of it�.
She details the post-war restlessness of her father, who could not adjust to his cushy Gibraltar existence of training recruits, so packed it in to return to jobless cold Fareham in England, where there was even less demand for former guerrilla fighters.
The money troubles, and managing a family of four, eventually caused Carew’s second wife (and the author’s mother) to have a breakdown. By the time she recovered, the marriage was long over. You have to feel for poor Jane, who had it all in Gibraltar and Trieste, and never expected to be incarcerated in an asylum.
Carew then married “the Stepmother�, with whom the author has a very hostile relationship, and lost years of contact with her father, until the woman died. Over this period, the author reveals a little of her own life and travels, but everything is always overshadowed by her father, and her hero-worship of him. There is a story of a “final� family dinner, with both Jane and Stepmother attending, and Jane impresses the author with her dignity and class. Carew had by this time started and failed in numerous business ventures, had never had a job on “civvy street�, but then set up a successful career consultancy business.
What I Liked:
- Finding put about a fighting force I had no idea existed
- The writing is excellent, and really draws you into the story
- The quality and depth of the research shows it really is a work of the heart
What I Didn’t Like:
- The obvious hero-worship. He was an incredible man, but I think someone not as close to him would give a more rounded picture of him.
- Would have liked to know a little more about the Step-mother relationship � why was she so bad, and how did the twice-married Carew put up with that?
Overall:
The author has done an exemplary job in re-constructing her father, both in his war and his personal life. He comes across as a proto- James Bond, with his derring-do and making-do. The Citroen incident is an indicator of his devil-may-care attitude to life.
This is a very moving biography-cum-memoir, made even more so by the fact of his dementia. While there were many comedic moments, it is in fact a long, sad slow goodbye, but at least the author has given him an enduring heroic life in this book. I think it can be summed up just as the author wrote:
“Be More Fearless. Be Wilder. Be Braver. Be Different. Think Differently. Be Out of the Ordinary�.
It is an excellent story of keeping it together while losing it all, a family suffering from self-inflicted turmoil, and ultimately of love of a daughter for her hero father, and I would definitely recommend it.
Summary:
This is a memoir-cum-biography, the true story of a daughter striving to reclaim her Dad from the grip of dementia, and her discoveries of who her father really was. Her father was a leading figure in the Jedburgh’s, a secret guerrilla-type force operating behind enemy lines in WWII France and Burma.
Main Characters:
Tom Carew: The Dad, a “mad Irishman�, and self-described good terrorist who fought the hidden battles of WWII and Burma, only to meet a grimmer foe in dementia.
Keggie Carew: The daughter, who undertakes the journey with her Dad.
Minor Characters:
Stepmother: Carew’s third wife, an unsympathetic figure, and has unhappy relationship with the author.
Plot:
This is a story of two halves, both of which are fractured.
First Half:
We are given the family history of Tom Carew, an unsung hero of the Second World War. Born in Dublin, Ireland in 1919, his family moved to England when he was two, fleeing the torching of the Big Houses where his father worked.
In 1943, Carew joined the SOE [Special Operations Executive] as a Jedburgh, as a specially-trained infiltration agent, their motto being “Surprise. Kill. Vanish�. The name Jedburgh reputedly comes from a train stopover town in Scotland by the group’s commanding officer, when looking for a name.
They were usually three man teams, comprising an SOE agent, an American OSS [Office of Strategic Services], and a native French speaker (member of the Free French). These men were parachuted into German-occupied France, where by linking up with the local Maquis, and operating covertly, they create huge disruption and confusion miles behind enemy lines, delaying the movements of troops and materiel into the battle zone.
They were not only well-trained terrorists, but needed to be politically astute as well, navigating the local “power struggles� of the Maquis, and the trickle-down effect resulting from the interference of national and international politicians.
Carew next operates in Burma, helping the Burmese (Aung San and others) to rid themselves of the occupying Japanese force. This was an increasingly-fraught political situation too, as the British Indian Civil Service was utterly opposed to arming the nationalist-leaning Burmese resistance, yet Mountbatten had to use them in order to win his war. Carew was firmly on the side of the anti-colonialists. There is a lovely image, where the former governor Dorman-Smith lies in Rangoon harbour, still believing he holds the whip-hand, offering the Burmese a move towards self-government in the future, but to remain under direct British rule until then, and the Burmese politely but firmly refusing, as they already have the power, and are not going to give it back..
Throughout these stories of the war, where we have no doubt left about the man’s bravery, intelligence, charm and leadership abilities, the author intersperses the current life with her dad in his last years, and tells us why and how this book came about. He suffers from dementia, and she is slowly losing him to that fog.
Second Half:
The second part of the book deals with Tom Carew’s post-war life, and the book really takes off in its exploration of the importance of choosing the path to travel, and the reasons we do so. A defining phrase of this book will be the author asking how her father, with everything going for him, conspired to “make an almighty cock of it�.
She details the post-war restlessness of her father, who could not adjust to his cushy Gibraltar existence of training recruits, so packed it in to return to jobless cold Fareham in England, where there was even less demand for former guerrilla fighters.
The money troubles, and managing a family of four, eventually caused Carew’s second wife (and the author’s mother) to have a breakdown. By the time she recovered, the marriage was long over. You have to feel for poor Jane, who had it all in Gibraltar and Trieste, and never expected to be incarcerated in an asylum.
Carew then married “the Stepmother�, with whom the author has a very hostile relationship, and lost years of contact with her father, until the woman died. Over this period, the author reveals a little of her own life and travels, but everything is always overshadowed by her father, and her hero-worship of him. There is a story of a “final� family dinner, with both Jane and Stepmother attending, and Jane impresses the author with her dignity and class. Carew had by this time started and failed in numerous business ventures, had never had a job on “civvy street�, but then set up a successful career consultancy business.
What I Liked:
- Finding put about a fighting force I had no idea existed
- The writing is excellent, and really draws you into the story
- The quality and depth of the research shows it really is a work of the heart
What I Didn’t Like:
- The obvious hero-worship. He was an incredible man, but I think someone not as close to him would give a more rounded picture of him.
- Would have liked to know a little more about the Step-mother relationship � why was she so bad, and how did the twice-married Carew put up with that?
Overall:
The author has done an exemplary job in re-constructing her father, both in his war and his personal life. He comes across as a proto- James Bond, with his derring-do and making-do. The Citroen incident is an indicator of his devil-may-care attitude to life.
This is a very moving biography-cum-memoir, made even more so by the fact of his dementia. While there were many comedic moments, it is in fact a long, sad slow goodbye, but at least the author has given him an enduring heroic life in this book. I think it can be summed up just as the author wrote:
“Be More Fearless. Be Wilder. Be Braver. Be Different. Think Differently. Be Out of the Ordinary�.
It is an excellent story of keeping it together while losing it all, a family suffering from self-inflicted turmoil, and ultimately of love of a daughter for her hero father, and I would definitely recommend it.
March 3, 2017
All the reviews have said it all, I have very little, if anything new to say about this account of a fascinating life. Norman Lewis came close but the body count is higher here, the action more splenetic, more edgy and the canvas stretched tighter over the frame. Keggie Carew has some bile to share about certain people and she paints it on with a well loaded brush. This is not the main point of the book but the weaving in and out of the multiple timelines means that it, the spleen, is pretty evenly distributed. Dementia has never been funnier. One of those books you start recommending to friends and family before you have even finished it.
Read
March 1, 2017Not read - Passed on.
March 30, 2019
WOW! This is an incredible memoir and also an incredible history of a larger-than-life Jedburgh.
As Keggie Carew’s eccentric father is failing from dementiain his ninth decade of life, she works to tell his story and found out who is was. Tom Carew is a maverick, who joined the Jedburghs , the first direct collaboration between he British and American intelligence agencies, in 1944 parachuting behind enemy line in France, and the travelling to Burma against the Japanese. After being estranged for a long time, Keggie is brought back into his father’s life when her step-mother dies. In his attic she discoveres trunks of diaries, letters, newspaper clippings, photographs, marragie and divorce certificats, and taped interviews. After a quick review, she discovers that she doesn’t even know of a wartime first marraige that ended years before her birth. As his mind is failing, daughter Keggie is working to uncover his past, and helping him navigate the present. Assisting him at a reunion meeting, daughter describes “…He is beside himself with boredom� She continues…”His pyjamas are poking out of the bottom of his trouser legs.� Keggie continues “Six in the morning he shouts up the stairs, ‘What’s my job.� Continuing, “when do I go back?� he asks apprehensively. “Today, Dad.� “Today? � His face is brave but crestfallen. Then his eyes sag, ‘Right.� He says. Daughter reports . . “It undoes me. In all my life I have never seen him complain. He looms around in the garden. Stands lost in the middle of the kitchen. My old parachuting guerilla agent father, with his once quick-as-a flash brain, with his once punch-hard-as-you-cam stomach, with his once tickling-the-life-out-of-you hands, cries when he has to go home.�. This was a father who entered military service at the age of 17, served as a Jedburgh in Europe, and was transferred to Burma after the war in Europe was over yet the war in the Pacific still raged, and was a LtCol before he resigned from military service, fearing he couldn’t make it in a peacetime army. Keggie reports� “Dad cries a lot. He collapses into his tears. Tears for the loss of a past that cannot be revisited. Tears for the loss of people he will never see again. And he is experiencing another bereavement, tears for the loss of him.� When her mother dies of metastatic breast cancer in 2001 at the age of seventy-six, she had reconnected with family for a decade. Shortly before her death, Keggie describes “Mum says sorry. For something that happened in 1974. And I say sorry too. And I am catapulted into ap place I was not prepared for, and my eyes fill with tears; she knows I’m like Dad, I cry easily but she doesn’t, and a look flickers between us and then we look down, because she is made of different stuff and we don’t do this, and it embarrasses me, and it also the edge of a precipice, . .� As he is failing, he takes a driving test. Keggie reports “The test goes badly, he can’t identify a single sign, he can’t reverse, he doesn’t use his indicator; but he is completely happy with it. Sow he the letter arrives to say his license has been revoked he is shocked and absolutely devastated. He cannot believe it.� “As we grow older (author and her sister) and Dad grows younger it is only logical he doesn’t recognize us as his children any more. � After failing with an in-home carer, Tom Carew is transferred to a assisted memory facility that lets him keep his dog, sleeping with him on the bed. No sooner is she home when the phone rings. “Dad has escaped. So she has to drive back again.� After two weeks, the family is allowed to visit. “Oh hello,� Dad says, because as far as he can see we are acting like we know him. Not even our dogs, whom he’s always loved, seem to ring any bells this time, but he is happy to play along …� ”But then there is someone looking for him a voice shouting, “Tom, Tom?� Dad has got a girlfriend: only the most attractive lady in the place.� It is virtually impossible to read this book with shedding a tear, especially for a a “baby boomer� whose father and father-in-law, both World War Two veterans, suffered from dementia in their last years.
As Keggie Carew’s eccentric father is failing from dementiain his ninth decade of life, she works to tell his story and found out who is was. Tom Carew is a maverick, who joined the Jedburghs , the first direct collaboration between he British and American intelligence agencies, in 1944 parachuting behind enemy line in France, and the travelling to Burma against the Japanese. After being estranged for a long time, Keggie is brought back into his father’s life when her step-mother dies. In his attic she discoveres trunks of diaries, letters, newspaper clippings, photographs, marragie and divorce certificats, and taped interviews. After a quick review, she discovers that she doesn’t even know of a wartime first marraige that ended years before her birth. As his mind is failing, daughter Keggie is working to uncover his past, and helping him navigate the present. Assisting him at a reunion meeting, daughter describes “…He is beside himself with boredom� She continues…”His pyjamas are poking out of the bottom of his trouser legs.� Keggie continues “Six in the morning he shouts up the stairs, ‘What’s my job.� Continuing, “when do I go back?� he asks apprehensively. “Today, Dad.� “Today? � His face is brave but crestfallen. Then his eyes sag, ‘Right.� He says. Daughter reports . . “It undoes me. In all my life I have never seen him complain. He looms around in the garden. Stands lost in the middle of the kitchen. My old parachuting guerilla agent father, with his once quick-as-a flash brain, with his once punch-hard-as-you-cam stomach, with his once tickling-the-life-out-of-you hands, cries when he has to go home.�. This was a father who entered military service at the age of 17, served as a Jedburgh in Europe, and was transferred to Burma after the war in Europe was over yet the war in the Pacific still raged, and was a LtCol before he resigned from military service, fearing he couldn’t make it in a peacetime army. Keggie reports� “Dad cries a lot. He collapses into his tears. Tears for the loss of a past that cannot be revisited. Tears for the loss of people he will never see again. And he is experiencing another bereavement, tears for the loss of him.� When her mother dies of metastatic breast cancer in 2001 at the age of seventy-six, she had reconnected with family for a decade. Shortly before her death, Keggie describes “Mum says sorry. For something that happened in 1974. And I say sorry too. And I am catapulted into ap place I was not prepared for, and my eyes fill with tears; she knows I’m like Dad, I cry easily but she doesn’t, and a look flickers between us and then we look down, because she is made of different stuff and we don’t do this, and it embarrasses me, and it also the edge of a precipice, . .� As he is failing, he takes a driving test. Keggie reports “The test goes badly, he can’t identify a single sign, he can’t reverse, he doesn’t use his indicator; but he is completely happy with it. Sow he the letter arrives to say his license has been revoked he is shocked and absolutely devastated. He cannot believe it.� “As we grow older (author and her sister) and Dad grows younger it is only logical he doesn’t recognize us as his children any more. � After failing with an in-home carer, Tom Carew is transferred to a assisted memory facility that lets him keep his dog, sleeping with him on the bed. No sooner is she home when the phone rings. “Dad has escaped. So she has to drive back again.� After two weeks, the family is allowed to visit. “Oh hello,� Dad says, because as far as he can see we are acting like we know him. Not even our dogs, whom he’s always loved, seem to ring any bells this time, but he is happy to play along …� ”But then there is someone looking for him a voice shouting, “Tom, Tom?� Dad has got a girlfriend: only the most attractive lady in the place.� It is virtually impossible to read this book with shedding a tear, especially for a a “baby boomer� whose father and father-in-law, both World War Two veterans, suffered from dementia in their last years.
January 29, 2019
This is why we read: to put yourself in someone else's mind, let them carry you along with them through an incredible journey, learning what it's like to be this person at this time, and returning with an abundance of insight into how to live. There's so much here: A obstinate, defiant, rebel father who focused his feistiness to become a war hero, a daughter who takes care of her energetic yet increasingly faltering, demented father at the end of his life, a family interacting within the constraints of the times and the personalities, marriages, wars, class issues, and family, family, family.
The military/war/secret missions sections were the impetus for writing this book, but they were honestly the least interesting to me being that when you're on the right side, you're a covert operations hero but when you're on the wrong side, you're a terrorist. Reading this with that in mind, it's amazing to see the bravery in people to fight for good, but also to see how someone becomes such a hero. The grit and determination needed to do these death-defying operations without concern for survival is honorable, at least when it comes to saving the world from Nazis.
Instead, I learned so much about family dynamics, about miscommunication and unintended consequences, of hurts, slights, games, and interactions between people that are related yet hated. When I stopped reading, the family issues were still in my head, being worked through as if it were my family. As if I were thinking what I might do in that situation, and how each misstep and miscommunication and closed door occurred so that I might not do the same thing in my life with my own family. It was better than any counseling session, and much more enjoyable. And I have to say, I came away with an understanding about how people can see the same event and respond Rashomon-like, with such different interpretations. I have already used this insight into my interactions with my more feisty family members to much more positive results.
At the end of it all, this is just a delightful journey through the end of life relationship between a "give me a job" feisty dad and his daughter. As a daughter of a feisty dad, this was easily relatable, but even without this relationship in common, this book took me to a new understanding of how to deal with, and how to not deal with strong-willed people, particularly when you're related to them and can't just ghost them (or you can but family, particularly parents, are not replaceable so you're the one who loses).
The military/war/secret missions sections were the impetus for writing this book, but they were honestly the least interesting to me being that when you're on the right side, you're a covert operations hero but when you're on the wrong side, you're a terrorist. Reading this with that in mind, it's amazing to see the bravery in people to fight for good, but also to see how someone becomes such a hero. The grit and determination needed to do these death-defying operations without concern for survival is honorable, at least when it comes to saving the world from Nazis.
Instead, I learned so much about family dynamics, about miscommunication and unintended consequences, of hurts, slights, games, and interactions between people that are related yet hated. When I stopped reading, the family issues were still in my head, being worked through as if it were my family. As if I were thinking what I might do in that situation, and how each misstep and miscommunication and closed door occurred so that I might not do the same thing in my life with my own family. It was better than any counseling session, and much more enjoyable. And I have to say, I came away with an understanding about how people can see the same event and respond Rashomon-like, with such different interpretations. I have already used this insight into my interactions with my more feisty family members to much more positive results.
At the end of it all, this is just a delightful journey through the end of life relationship between a "give me a job" feisty dad and his daughter. As a daughter of a feisty dad, this was easily relatable, but even without this relationship in common, this book took me to a new understanding of how to deal with, and how to not deal with strong-willed people, particularly when you're related to them and can't just ghost them (or you can but family, particularly parents, are not replaceable so you're the one who loses).
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