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320 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1990
鈥淗ow much you going to take before you crack?鈥� 鈥淎s much,鈥� Vanyel replied deliberately, 鈥渁s I have to.鈥�
鈥淒earest, there is no choice. I lost my chance at choices a long time ago.鈥�
鈥淰anyel Demonsbane? The Shadow Stalker? The Hero of鈥斺€� 鈥淧lease鈥斺€� Vanyel cut her off, pleadingly. 鈥淧lease, it鈥攜es, I鈥檓 Vanyel. But鈥攈onestly, it wasn鈥檛 like you think.鈥� He groped for the words that would make the near-worship he saw on her face go back to ordinary friendliness. 鈥淚t wasn鈥檛 like that, it really wasn鈥檛鈥攋ust things had to get done, and I was the only one to do them, so I did. I鈥檓 not a hero, or鈥擨鈥檓 just鈥擨鈥檓 just鈥攁nother Herald,鈥� he finished lamely.
鈥淧lease, Father 鈥� I鈥檓 not asking for much. I鈥檓 not asking you to do anything. Only to believe that I am a decent human being. Believe in Herald Vanyel if you won鈥檛 believe in your son.鈥�
鈥淚 do it because I have to. Because I鈥檓 needed. There isn鈥檛 anybody鈥擨鈥檓 not boasting, Jervis, you can ask Savil鈥攖here isn鈥檛 anybody else in the whole Kingdom that can do what I can do. I can鈥檛 give up, I can鈥檛 just shrug things off and tell myself somebody else will take up the slack, because there isn鈥檛 anybody else. There are too many people out there who need my protection; because I鈥檓 this powerful, I have an obligation to use that power. I鈥檓 the lone Guard at the Gate鈥擨 daren鈥檛 give up, because there鈥檚 nobody behind me to take up what I lay down.鈥� Jervis鈥� face went absolutely still. Vanyel wished he knew what the old man was thinking. 鈥淣obody?鈥� he asked. Vanyel shook his hair out of his eyes. 鈥淣obody,鈥� he echoed, staring into space. 鈥淚 have no choice; it鈥檚 that, or know my inaction dooms others. Sometimes lots of others. Too many times, others I know and care for.鈥�
Then I sang you a love song. The first one I ever sang for you. It was the first time I鈥檇 ever sung one with my heart in it.
鈻衡柡鈻� STORY & CHARACTERS:
Tall Jaysen (who always looked bleached, somehow) was half-sprawled on her couch, but he rose at Vanyel鈥檚 entrance鈥攖hen did a double take, and staggered back a step, hand theatrically clutched to his chest.
鈥淢y heart!鈥� he choked. 鈥淪avil, look at your nephew! Barefoot, shaggy-headed, and shabby! Where in Havens has our peacock gone?鈥�
鈥淗e got lost somewhere south of Horn,鈥� Vanyel replied. 鈥淚 last saw him in a tavern singing trios with my mind and my wits. I haven鈥檛 seen either of them in a while, either.鈥�
鈥淵ou look like hell,鈥� said a rough voice just above his head.
What an amazing coincidence, Savil, Vanyel thought without opening his eyes. I feel like hell.
:Enlighten me, I need ammunition.:
But Withen never seemed to grasp that Yfandes was exactly what his son said she was; a brilliant, thinking, creative lady, with all of a great lady鈥檚 manners and daintiness, who just happened to be living in a horse鈥檚 body.
鈻衡柡鈻� OVERALL:
鈥淚 think you鈥檒l do just fine. Now鈥攄oes that solve all the problems?鈥�
Because I鈥檓 about to run out of brilliant ideas, energy, and the ability to hold off pain.
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