If you have an extremely defiant and impulsive child, this book is for you. I've never read anything that describes my child so well. This book helped me to understand how he thinks and what motivates him. The authors give very specific strategies for approaching defiant children and avoiding power struggles. I particularly appreciated the concept of "academies" in which you have your child practice correct behavior.
I've been working on this one, literally, for a couple of years now. It was recommended to me by a mom-like figure of mine who works with kids with discipline problems in the school district I grew up attending. It has some great ideas for implementing logical consequences for some behaviors. Many parents agree that logical consequences should follow certain behaviors, but coming with logical consequences can be difficult.
With that said, I tried to get my husband on board with reading it. He gave it a few solid efforts and just couldn't do it.
good book, although it took me forever to finish it (bleh, i dont enjoy these parenting solutions books...always find myself craving speedier answers - a DVD or magazine article!)
good advice though, and good messages for parents about how the ways in which we relate to the stubborn-willed kids may be fueling the fire...(particularly when the parent is just as stubborn!) - got to break the parent habits as much as the kid habits.
and clearly i have a "defiant child" by their standards... (and clearly i was one myself, doh! payback!)
***notes:
p 13 - one characteristic that resonated (other than the obvious control-craving trait) was the "negativity lovers" trait... defiant kids can tolerate conflict and "recover" from it easily - moments later, returning to ask for a favor or a treat (whoa nellie, this has happened at our house!! Ls's been in biiiiig trouble for on reason or another, bawled his way through time out and then promptly hopped down from the time out chair and cheerily asked for dessert!)
p 67 - i really like the info on avoiding a power struggle: - to shut down arguements, say little or nothing - if your child tries to manipulate you, respond with brain-daed answers (non-answers, as in "i hear what you're saying" or, "thanks for telling me how you feel") - douse your child's fire with your sadness, don't fuel it with your anger - recognize that offering more choices can reduce power struggles - never tell a child what he's just learned.
p 130 consider the consequences whenever possible, relate them to the crime :)
p 163 pulling in the reigns good concept for offering less and less desireable options as the arguement persists
p 160 guided compliance step 1: begin with a simple command (something that would take less than 15 seconds to complete) step 2: if your child complies, praise him for obeying step 3: if your child doesn't begin to dollow the command within 5 seconds, physicallt guide him through the command (ie take his arm and use it to start picking up the toys together) step 4: after completing the command together, complement the child as if he'd completed it voluntarily.
My sister and I have similar daughters and I call her for advice all the time. So she finally sent me this book that she really liked. It took me a while to get to it and I really wish I would have read it earlier. I really like this book. It really helped me understand my daughter a bit more. I loved the chapter on how to avoid power struggles. I have read that chapter three times and I know I am going to read it at least another 5 times. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a strong-willed/defiant/unflexible child. Oh man, all those words make my daughter sound horrible...she is actually very pleasant, I have just realized that we are both very different I was afraid of my mom and would have done anything to please her...Annie is not afraid of me and doesn't give a darn what I think...hahaha!! So have realized that I have to use a completely different parenting style than what my parents used with me and that is what this book has helped me with.
I checked this book out from the library in hopes of finding something to help me deal with one of my children who is very defiant and strong-willed. This book is amazing. Not only did it help me understand my child, but gave me the tools and tactics I need to raise all of my children. It really opened my eyes to what parenting is all about - raising future adults who need to be ready for the world. I now feel like I can help my children understand for themselves that there is a consequence for every action and how to solve their own problems. I highly recommend this book to any parent.
Don't think my child is quit as defient as the case studies in this book but can use some of these techniques in daily discipline, but can really use in classroom! Now some of my students I have had in past really fit the descriptions. Can't wait to see how it works next school year!
Recommended by a child psyhologist! Let's hope it helps me and my baby boy! Ok mainly me! I would like to survive this phase in his life! He as well!
My three year old is rather difficult right now and this book helped me a lot. I think it has a lot of suggestions that help with not only defiant children, but all children. This was a book that was easy to read because it was connected together with a lot of story's that help relate how to solve problems and visualize how to go about making changes. I would recommend it to all parents, especially those with defiant children.
This book had a lot of helpful information to correct some of my 6 year olds bad behavior. I've slowly worked on fixing a few things with her and I know that it will take time. The book was easy to read but I lost interest about halfway through and took me about a week to pick it back up and finish it. Overall it's a good guide for parents with defiant kids.
I鈥檓 writing this review years later. This was the best book our son鈥檚 therapist could ever recommend. Lots of good advice. It really helped us with tough decisions while helping our 鈥渟pirited鈥� child. It was a tough journey at times but with lots of work & talks he has grown to be an amazing young adult.
I didn't follow the advice of these authors as far as following the academies. However, they really gave me some food for thought on what makes my child tick. I was able to implement some things on my own after I had a few "aha" moments while reading this book.