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76 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1860
“¿Sabes tú lo que puede hacer libre a un hombre?... Su voluntad, su propia voluntad, y le dará también poder, que es mejor que libertad. Aprende a querer y así serás libre y mandarás.�No cabe duda de que Turguénev lo tuvo que pasar muy malamente con sus amoríos. Bueno, malamente y también buenamente, porque, como muy bien dice Víctor Gallego Ballestero en el prólogo a mi edición de Alba, de la que también es su brillante traductor: “Es como si, de algún modo, de una forma oscura, en el fondo del alma, esos hombre y mujeres necesitaran el sufrimiento y la tragedia; o, acaso, como si no hubiera para el hombre otro destino que el error y el fracaso.�
“¡Y qué deleitosas me parecían esas amargas sensaciones, cómo me embriagaban!�Así se expresa un chavalito de dieciséis años enamorado locamente de una coqueta y hermosa jovencita llamada Zenaída cinco años mayor y que parece disfrutar mucho de los tormentos que ocasiona a sus no pocos pretendientes.
“Es dulce ser la única fuente, la causa despótica e irresponsable de las grandes alegrías y las penas más profundas de otra persona.�Un sentimiento, este del amor, que se persigue como aquello que es capaz de llenar una vida para descubrir no mucho más tarde que se lamentará durante el resto de ella, y por el que sus afligidos e impotentes afectados son capaces de someterse al más humillante trato.
“Soy una coqueta sin corazón� ahora va usted a tenderme la mano y yo se la traspasaré con una aguja. Se sentirá avergonzado� sentirá dolor, y sin embargo, a pesar de lo que respeta usted la verdad, no dejará de reírse. Lushin se ruborizó, se dio la vuelta y se mordió los labios, pero acabó tendiéndole la mano. Ella le pinchó, y él, en efecto, se echó a reír... También ella se reía, al tiempo que le clavaba la aguja a bastante profundidad y le miraba a los ojos, que él trataba de desviar en vano.�Ah, pero el amor no perdona a nadie, también Zenaída probará los sinsabores de su propia medicina con� me callo, aunque es algo que se adivina claramente casi desde el inicio, no seré yo el que adelante acontecimientos.
“No deseaba que esa experiencia se repitiera en el futuro, pero me habría considerado desdichado de no haberla vivido�Otro relato cinco estrellas de Turguénev.
‘That’s love,� I said to myself again, as I sat at night before my writing-table, on which books and papers had begun to make their appearance; ‘that’s passion! . . . To think of not revolting, of bearing a blow from any one whatever . . . even the dearest hand! But it seems one can, if one loves . . . While I . . . I imagined . . . � (Garnett's translation.)
‘That’s what love is�, I told myself again, sitting at night in front of my desk on which books and notebooks had begun to appear. ‘That’s real passion! Not to object, to bear a blow of any kind, even from someone you love very much � is that possible? It’s possible, it seems, if you’re in love� But I’d � I’d imagine...� (Freeborn's translation.)
Beneath the blue sky of her native land
She languished, faded�
Faded finally, and above me surely
The young shade already hovered;
But there is an unapproachable line between us.
In vain I tried to awaken emotion:
From indifferent lips I heard the news of death,
And received it with indifference.
So this is whom my fiery soul loved
With such painful intensity,
With such tender, agonizing heartache,
With such madness and such torment!
Where now the tortures, where the love? Alas!
For the poor, gullible shade,
For the sweet memory of irretrievable days
In my soul I find neither tears no reproaches.
“Weeks went by, then months. I am speaking of a far-away time � a vanished happiness. It fell to me to befriend, to console with whatever words I could find, one who had been the fairy, the princess, the mysterious love-dream of our adolescence.�
“O youth! youth! you go your way heedless, uncaring � as if you owned all the treasures of the world; even grief elates you, even sorrow sits well upon your brow. You are self-confident and insolent and you say, ‘I alone am alive � behold!� even while your own days fly past and vanish without trace and without number, and everything within you melts away like wax in the sun .. like snow ..�
“She tore herself away, and went out. And I went away. I cannot describe the emotion with which I went away. I should not wish it ever to come again; but I should think myself unfortunate had I never experienced such an emotion.�
“There is a sweetness in being the sole source, the autocratic and irresponsible cause of the greatest joy and profoundest pain to another, and I was like wax in Zinaïda’s hands; though, indeed, I was not the only one in love with her. All the men who visited the house were crazy over her, and she kept them all in leading-strings at her feet. It amused her to arouse their hopes and then their fears, to turn them round her finger (she used to call it knocking their heads together), while they never dreamed of offering resistance and eagerly submitted to her.�
How’s your life been goin� on?
I’ve got a wife now, years we’ve been goin� strong
Oh no, there’s just something that I’ve got to say
Sometimes when we make love, I still see your face
Just try to recall when we were as one