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500 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
I met someone while in college and heard [good things] about his sexual behavior. I began to date him, mainly because of what I had heard from a friend. We had sex one time in the first week we were dating. I was disappointed, but glad that I had found out for myself. I ended the "relationship" after that.Some of the reasons strike one as better than others. One feels for the women using it to satisfy feelings of loneliness or worthlessness (it usually didn't work). And the book does seem to cover the full gamut of reasons, from being attracted to the other person, wanting to initiate a relationship, wanting to keep or deepen a relationship, the pure pleasure of it, wanting new experiences, feeling a sense of duty, wanting to develop one's skills, et cetera, et cetera.
--heterosexual woman, age 26
Women report evoking jealously in partners more than men do--31 percent versus 17 percent, according to one study. ... when the man is the more committed partner, only 26 percent of women report intentionally evoking jealousy. In sharp contrast, when the woman is more committed to the relationship, 50 percent of the women resort to jealousy evocation. ... [Men] are much more likely to commit to a woman whom they perceive to be highly desired by other men. A jealous man becomes more smitten, comes to believe that he is lucky to be with his partner, and so doubles his dedication. (p. 106-107)Elsewhere discussing the biological side of sex:
Researchers have shown that if you block an animal's natural release of oxytocin by giving the animal certain drugs, mothers stop engaging in normal maternal caretaking behaviors and completely reject their own offspring. The opposite can happen as well. If you inject oxytocin into young rats that have never given birth or even copulated, they begin to nuzzle and protect other females' rate pups just as if the pups were their own. (p. 70)The book discusses social aspects of sex and sexuality as well, including comments on the role that the media play in shaping women's expectations (they have harsh words for Barbie). Their discussion of fantasies was interesting--perhaps counter intuitively, women who enjoy submission fantasies "in fact were more dominant, more independent, and higher in self-esteem than other women." (p. 207) Somewhat surprisingly, "not only has the double standard not been eradicated, it appears to be enforced more strongly by women than by men." (p. 86-87; there are actually cogent reasons why this happens)