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345 pages, Hardcover
First published October 12, 2021
"She had no illusions or anxieties about her own lack of physical beauty; her ordinariness, in fact, grew less irksome with every passing year. It had been dispiriting to be plain at twenty, but by forty it hardly mattered. Time had caught up with most of her prettier contemporaries and those with the most to lose seemed to feel its depredations the hardest."But then love comes into Jean's life, most unexpectedly. I won't mention the subject of her affections for fear of spoilers. But with this person, even before anything has happened between the two of them, she feels:
"nothing but warmth and kindness and the certainty of some feeling not yet declared, but even so accepted and returned."However, these feelings frighten her - she's terrified of the pain she will suffer if things don't work out:
"She wondered how many years 鈥� if ever 鈥� it would be before the monster of awakened longing was subdued and she could return to placid acceptance of a limited life. The journey into love was so effortless and graceful; the journey out such a long and laboured climb."
She tried to remember what life was like before she had met the Tilburys just six months ago. The days had passed without great peaks and troughs of emotion; her job and the domestic rituals that went with each season had been sufficiently varied and rewarding to occupy her. Small pleasures 鈥� the first cigarette of the day; a glass of sherry before Sunday lunch; a bar of chocolate parcelled out to last a week; a newly published library book, still pristine and untouched by other hands; the first hyacinths of spring; a neatly folded pile of ironing, smelling of summer; the garden under snow; an impulsive purchases of stationery for her drawer 鈥� had been encouragement enough.
She wondered how many years 鈥� if ever 鈥� it would be before the monster of awakened longing was subdued and she could return to placid acceptance of a limited life. The journey into love was so effortless and graceful; the journey out such a long and laboured climb.