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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays
欧宝娱乐 Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Humor (2022)A #2 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts 鈥�2 Bears 1 Cave鈥� and 鈥淵our Mom鈥檚 House,鈥� hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.听
听
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It鈥檚 not that he hates his friends and family 鈥� he鈥檚 not a monster 鈥� he鈥檚 just beat, which is why his son鈥檚 (ruthless) first full sentence, 鈥淚鈥檇 like to play alone, please,鈥� has since become his mantra.听
听
In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.听
听
I鈥橠 LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.
听
From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts 鈥�2 Bears 1 Cave鈥� and 鈥淵our Mom鈥檚 House,鈥� hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.听
听
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It鈥檚 not that he hates his friends and family 鈥� he鈥檚 not a monster 鈥� he鈥檚 just beat, which is why his son鈥檚 (ruthless) first full sentence, 鈥淚鈥檇 like to play alone, please,鈥� has since become his mantra.听
听
In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.听
听
I鈥橠 LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.
听
229 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2022
1,019 people are currently reading
15.6k people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,323 reviews
May 6, 2023
Tom Segura is one of my favorite comedians and a hilarious guy, so I wasn't expecting anything else but to be fully entertained and amused by his book.
June 2, 2022
This was funny, but my problem with it is what I feel with most comedian books, which is that a lot of it is recycled from standup bits. Not all of it, though, and some is from podcast appearances - something more forgivable because if you listen to someone on enough podcasts, they are going to mention a lot of stories that they feel are worth telling. Still, this made me laugh several times, especially at things I thought wouldn't be funny but Tom's word choice and delivery makes it hysterical- like seeing Christopher Llyod picking his nose on a flight. Fans of Tom Segura will definitely appreciate this book, I'm not sure if it's a good book for people unfamiliar with Tom's humor to try.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced copy!
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced copy!
August 17, 2022
Tom Segura is my favorite comedian so this is 100% a biased 5 stars for the man who never fails to make me laugh even on my darkest days. I took my time with this for a few reasons鈥攖his material will be super familiar to any Jeans out there who listen to Your Mom鈥檚 House or any of their other podcasts, but also I took my time because I saved this for days or moments when I was feeling particularly down. It never failed to cheer me up. I was also touched at the dedication to his father who was my favorite feature of YMH when he was on it frequently and who heartbreakingly passed away in December. RIP Top Dog 鉂わ笍鈥嶐煩� Thanks to Tom for always giving me a reason to smile and for the unique way that he sees the world that has helped me to see the humor in it myself!
June 15, 2022
I love books written by comedians, and while this was funny at times (especially the parts about his dad), I was pretty grossed out that there was an entire chapter dedicated to justifying the use of the R-word. That鈥檚 a big nope for me. Also, this guy is a major name dropper *eye roll*
August 25, 2022
basically an entire book of tom bragging about famous people he's met on planes over the years and recounting stories (as a 40 something year old married man) about his college days of "banging" college girls and uncomfortable descriptions of women/acts with women throughout the book. i realized when he brought up that his good friend is joe rogan, that this all makes sense now and this wasn't the comedian/book for me. i can honestly say that i laughed maybe once throughout the 6 and a half hour long audiobook where tom himself delivered the lines. at the very end, he even says, if you didn't laugh at any point, then you're probably a psychopath - i think it's just because you're not funny bro. relying on fart/shit jokes, crude sexual comments about women and going on about how your favorite word in the english language is r*tarded, doesn't make you a funny guy, it makes you an asshole. which, to tom's credit, he admits. if you want to be uncomfortable for a prolonged period of time, i'd maybe recommend this.
July 12, 2022
4.5 stars rounded down to 4!
I鈥檓 definitely a bit biased as Tom is one of my all-time favorite comedians and my husband and I will go see his standup any chance we get, so naturally I loved this one!
The book is split up into multiple chapters with each one telling a different story about different times in his life. A few of the stories I had heard on his podcast here and there, but definitely not to the same depth or hilarity that he had in his book. Throughout I feel like I felt ALL the emotions-I laughed often, felt empathetic at the sad parts, and was overall happy as hell to be reading it.
I listened to the audiobook for this one and occasionally opened my physical copy as well to look at the real pictures he spoke about, but even if you don鈥檛 have the physical copy to accompany it I highly recommend the audiobook! Getting to experience it with Tom reading it took it to another level and bumped up my overall rating.
Thank you so much Hachette Audio, LibroFm and Grand Central Publishing for my various review copies!
I鈥檓 definitely a bit biased as Tom is one of my all-time favorite comedians and my husband and I will go see his standup any chance we get, so naturally I loved this one!
The book is split up into multiple chapters with each one telling a different story about different times in his life. A few of the stories I had heard on his podcast here and there, but definitely not to the same depth or hilarity that he had in his book. Throughout I feel like I felt ALL the emotions-I laughed often, felt empathetic at the sad parts, and was overall happy as hell to be reading it.
I listened to the audiobook for this one and occasionally opened my physical copy as well to look at the real pictures he spoke about, but even if you don鈥檛 have the physical copy to accompany it I highly recommend the audiobook! Getting to experience it with Tom reading it took it to another level and bumped up my overall rating.
Thank you so much Hachette Audio, LibroFm and Grand Central Publishing for my various review copies!
October 4, 2022
There are some good and funny chapters and some chapters that were offensive. Ya win some ya lose some
June 8, 2023
we must stop telling men they are funny
May 18, 2022
As someone who admires comedy as a craft goes through phases of watching nothing but stand-up performances I have come across Tom Segura multiple times by now, yet have to admit to not having been familiar with his work before reading this!
I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays is probably a safe bet for fans of the guy who is (as I have learned through this book) best known for his stand-up specials on Netflix and a podcast he runs. It's a collection of stories full of anecdotes and personal happenings. The title for example is a direct quote of his son's first full sentence, which in itself is hilarious.
This was an easy and entertaining read, but nothing really stood out to me personally. I bet that if you're already a fan of Segura, this will be a fun ride for you, but I take from this that his sense of humour isn't my favourite kind of humour, which isn't to say that it isn't valid 鈥� it's just not for me. Farts and jokes relating to digestive systems just don't really make me laugh.
I feel bad for saying this, as this does feel like a good-natured book. Segura seems like a decent guy and there were still entertaining stories about how he got into trouble with security for trying to secure a date for his friend and trying to get Mike Tyson to come to one of his shows.
I like to read these sorts of books in between more challenging reads or when I really don't feel like using my brain that much and in that regard this absolutely did the job and I can confirm that as a whole this makes sense even if you're not familiar with who Segura is and what he does 鈥� it's just a guy telling you stories about his life.
I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays is probably a safe bet for fans of the guy who is (as I have learned through this book) best known for his stand-up specials on Netflix and a podcast he runs. It's a collection of stories full of anecdotes and personal happenings. The title for example is a direct quote of his son's first full sentence, which in itself is hilarious.
This was an easy and entertaining read, but nothing really stood out to me personally. I bet that if you're already a fan of Segura, this will be a fun ride for you, but I take from this that his sense of humour isn't my favourite kind of humour, which isn't to say that it isn't valid 鈥� it's just not for me. Farts and jokes relating to digestive systems just don't really make me laugh.
I feel bad for saying this, as this does feel like a good-natured book. Segura seems like a decent guy and there were still entertaining stories about how he got into trouble with security for trying to secure a date for his friend and trying to get Mike Tyson to come to one of his shows.
I like to read these sorts of books in between more challenging reads or when I really don't feel like using my brain that much and in that regard this absolutely did the job and I can confirm that as a whole this makes sense even if you're not familiar with who Segura is and what he does 鈥� it's just a guy telling you stories about his life.
January 24, 2023
99% sure I鈥檓 going to DNF this and get it out of my house ASAP. Read on for my review if one person鈥檚 personal tastes and opinions matter to you. This book is vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. It鈥檚 written so simply that you should be able to flow through it very quickly and enjoy the comedy. However, unnecessary details were added in distasteful language, just for the sake of being rude. I鈥檓 taken back each time and have to get over it to read on. After a while I鈥檝e decided this book was not written for me. I got absolutely hooked into buying this because the title spoke to my personality like no sentence ever has before. My mistake, I probably should have looked into this author/comedian more before purchasing and wasting time on this book. If you鈥檝e never read a single a single book in your life and appreciate married men boosting about things that would be utterly disrespectful to their wife & that have no relevance to the storyline whatsoever; then this is the book for you! Not for me. Next.
July 10, 2022
I actually didn't finish or even read much of this --just not my type of book, especially at the beginning when he says,
"Are the Taliban really THAT bad?. They seem like a bunch of hotheads, but mainly, the kind of guys you'd wanna have a beer with."
Of course, his book must have been written before the US left Afghanistan, leaving the Taliban to brutally attack the Afgnanis, putting females and the country back into the dark ages. But even before that, yes, the Taliban were really THAT bad!"
I also was sickened by the descriptions of his father's very gross toilet habits and terminology.
Overdrive @ 1.15 speed
"Are the Taliban really THAT bad?. They seem like a bunch of hotheads, but mainly, the kind of guys you'd wanna have a beer with."
Of course, his book must have been written before the US left Afghanistan, leaving the Taliban to brutally attack the Afgnanis, putting females and the country back into the dark ages. But even before that, yes, the Taliban were really THAT bad!"
I also was sickened by the descriptions of his father's very gross toilet habits and terminology.
Overdrive @ 1.15 speed
June 6, 2022
This was quick and entertaining! If you like his standup (or his podcasts) then you will definitely enjoy this.
Some of the chapters were bits and stories I鈥檝e heard him tell before (so that was a tiny bit disappointing)
But there was a lot I didn鈥檛 know about him and his life before comedy. (His chapter on parenting was 100% relatable)
I laughed out loud a bunch of times and I鈥檓 sure once this is available as an audiobook read by Tom it will be a fantastic listen.
Some of the chapters were bits and stories I鈥檝e heard him tell before (so that was a tiny bit disappointing)
But there was a lot I didn鈥檛 know about him and his life before comedy. (His chapter on parenting was 100% relatable)
I laughed out loud a bunch of times and I鈥檓 sure once this is available as an audiobook read by Tom it will be a fantastic listen.
January 28, 2023
Gonna use the Jake Beck model of reviews for this one.
1) did you like it? Yes.
2) are you glad you read it? Yes.
3) would you recommend it? If you can get it for free from Libby. Otherwise just listen to a Tom Segura podcast episode. Really funny and quick read!
1) did you like it? Yes.
2) are you glad you read it? Yes.
3) would you recommend it? If you can get it for free from Libby. Otherwise just listen to a Tom Segura podcast episode. Really funny and quick read!
June 1, 2022
This book was HILARIOUS. I laughed so hard. Tom Segura is raunchy, inappropriate and so funny. He's had a lot of celebrity encounters which were interesting to hear about. I also totally related to his parenting stories with young kids. He also talked about his parents with so much love and humor. This was a fun one. Listened in one sitting!
Thanks to NetGalley, Hachette Audio and Grand Central Publishing for the audiobook and printed copy of this book.
Thanks to NetGalley, Hachette Audio and Grand Central Publishing for the audiobook and printed copy of this book.
September 19, 2022
This was more of a memoir than a comedy piece I expected, which was fine. Listening on Audible was a plus because you can hear his vocal inflections and some laughs.
馃帐
馃幁
The celebrity encounters were pretty funny but this was my first exposure to the guy and, true to his claim, he鈥檚 on the raunchy side. I enjoyed listening while commuting, and listening to a guy tell stories about his life was the short break I needed from the every day routine.
馃帐
馃幁
The celebrity encounters were pretty funny but this was my first exposure to the guy and, true to his claim, he鈥檚 on the raunchy side. I enjoyed listening while commuting, and listening to a guy tell stories about his life was the short break I needed from the every day routine.
July 12, 2023
Joe Rogan's recommendation on the cover should be a warning sign, but I ignored it. They say not to judge a book by its cover, but in this case, they are wrong. According to Joe, Tom is described as 'a limitless well of hilarious stories.' Now I wonder how Rogan defines a 'limitless well' and 'hilarious,' as I'm quite convinced our interpretations differ greatly.
It can be challenging to critique a book written by a comedian, especially one as popular as Tom. There's a risk of not fully grasping the sophisticated sense of humor, with its subtle and obscure cultural references. As an ESL individual, I'm okay with that since I don't understand half of what people tell me anyway. However, in this case, I felt that Tom's jokes were reminiscent of frat boy humor with a slightly more refined but still crass element. Additionally, the excessive name-dropping of famous people met on a plane in nearly every other chapter became monotonous and uninteresting.
Joe Rogan concludes his recommendation by stating that he loves Tom and that his book is 'fucking awesome.' This final statement from Rogan should serve as a universal warning, similar to when he endorsed Ivermectin for Covid.
It can be challenging to critique a book written by a comedian, especially one as popular as Tom. There's a risk of not fully grasping the sophisticated sense of humor, with its subtle and obscure cultural references. As an ESL individual, I'm okay with that since I don't understand half of what people tell me anyway. However, in this case, I felt that Tom's jokes were reminiscent of frat boy humor with a slightly more refined but still crass element. Additionally, the excessive name-dropping of famous people met on a plane in nearly every other chapter became monotonous and uninteresting.
Joe Rogan concludes his recommendation by stating that he loves Tom and that his book is 'fucking awesome.' This final statement from Rogan should serve as a universal warning, similar to when he endorsed Ivermectin for Covid.
May 24, 2022
Without question the funniest book I've read in a long time, and, quite possibly, ever.
Segura's ruminations about assorted events and people in his life easily manage to be hilarious, insightful, interesting conversation pieces and, at a certain point or two, melancholy.
What's more is that the comedian's unique style/voice is apparent in his prose, which accentuates the jokes to a masterful degree.
Whether it's an essay about family, celebrities, or an outrageous encounter, Segura's giving proof that he's now conquered books, too.
It wouldn't surprise me to see this on all of the big end-of-year lists in the "humor" category. Get excited--this one is more than worthwhile.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the advance read.
Segura's ruminations about assorted events and people in his life easily manage to be hilarious, insightful, interesting conversation pieces and, at a certain point or two, melancholy.
What's more is that the comedian's unique style/voice is apparent in his prose, which accentuates the jokes to a masterful degree.
Whether it's an essay about family, celebrities, or an outrageous encounter, Segura's giving proof that he's now conquered books, too.
It wouldn't surprise me to see this on all of the big end-of-year lists in the "humor" category. Get excited--this one is more than worthwhile.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the advance read.
June 24, 2022
My main issue with this book is that probably half of it is retellings of Tom's standup bits. There are a few new tidbits dropped into each, but overall if your a fan of Tom's you have heard most of them before. If your not a fan why would you even be reading this book?
The new parts were pretty entertaining and had me chuckling to myself on multiple occasions.
The new parts were pretty entertaining and had me chuckling to myself on multiple occasions.
June 17, 2022
Tom has had success with spoken word.
His written word is like a remedial, 1,000 word high school essay that you wish was even shorter; not something you need memorialized in hardcover (save your money).
His written word is like a remedial, 1,000 word high school essay that you wish was even shorter; not something you need memorialized in hardcover (save your money).
January 18, 2023
5.8/10
Entertaining book, bought it because I love his comedy.
The low score is because almost every story in the book is rehashed material from stuff that I already had seen before. I was hoping for something new and exiting. But all the same I'm still glad I bought the book.
Entertaining book, bought it because I love his comedy.
The low score is because almost every story in the book is rehashed material from stuff that I already had seen before. I was hoping for something new and exiting. But all the same I'm still glad I bought the book.
August 31, 2022
You should 馃槈
January 13, 2023
I didn't know who Tom Segura was, but my nephew was impressed and surprised that I was reading this. Some very funny stories, I guess I should watch him now.
September 17, 2023
2.5 stars
The parts that were supposed to be funny, made me roll my eyes and kinda cringe. Not a fan when someone is trying to be funny.
The parts that were supposed to be funny, made me roll my eyes and kinda cringe. Not a fan when someone is trying to be funny.
June 4, 2024
Extremely funny, random and at times so ridiculous.
It just feels like watching one of his comedy specials... except he maybe admits he has a piss kink?
Concerning
Anyway, read it xoxoxo
It just feels like watching one of his comedy specials... except he maybe admits he has a piss kink?
Concerning
Anyway, read it xoxoxo
November 16, 2023
This was a great book for me right now and a fun slump buster. Some essays made me laugh out loud, especially the first one about his dad. A bunch of these essays were about celebrities he met on planes. These weren鈥檛 always the absolute funniest but they were quick and enjoyable stories well told. I love his stand up but haven鈥檛 listened to his podcasts yet, will probably try those next.
September 14, 2022
Better than anything Sylvia Plath could write. 10/10
April 15, 2023
Effortless story telling about his family and traveling as a standup comedian with hilarious run-ins with celebs. Enjoyed it.
October 10, 2023
3.5 猸愶笍
Good collection of anecdotes. A few I didn鈥檛 like. Most I enjoyed. Tom Segura is a hilarious and honest person. If you鈥檙e a fan of his stand up you鈥檒l like this.
Good collection of anecdotes. A few I didn鈥檛 like. Most I enjoyed. Tom Segura is a hilarious and honest person. If you鈥檙e a fan of his stand up you鈥檒l like this.
February 6, 2025
A collection of bite sized short stories from my favourite comedian Tom Segura. Tom tells a variety of both nonsensical and heartfelt anecdotes from his life. He does this in a way that only a great comedian could. Loved it.
June 28, 2022
Well this was absolutely delightful!! I am a huge standup fan but Tom Segura is my boyfriend's favorite comedian. So several years ago we watched all of his specials and I've since kept up with his body of work. But that's not to say you have to be familiar with all of Segura's work to enjoy this.
I loved these stories and I laughed my way through this book. I did this on audio and it was exactly what I needed for all the long drives where this kept me company. I loved learning more about Segura's life and just listening to his stories. I learned so much about the world of standup and how he got his start.
And I just loved hearing the different stories about all the people he has met throughout his career. This was also read by Segura so hearing him tell all of these stories himself was just an added bonus.
So I cannot rave about this enough. If you're also a fan of Segura's, please pick this one up!! And I also read this before my boyfriend so, of course, I had to call him and share some of the stories with him. I'll definitely be grabbing a print copy of this for him for Christmas! (And, you know, a copy for my shelves as well!!)
Thank you to Libro.fm and Hachette Audio for allowing me to listen to this in exchange for an honest review!! What a treat!
I loved these stories and I laughed my way through this book. I did this on audio and it was exactly what I needed for all the long drives where this kept me company. I loved learning more about Segura's life and just listening to his stories. I learned so much about the world of standup and how he got his start.
And I just loved hearing the different stories about all the people he has met throughout his career. This was also read by Segura so hearing him tell all of these stories himself was just an added bonus.
So I cannot rave about this enough. If you're also a fan of Segura's, please pick this one up!! And I also read this before my boyfriend so, of course, I had to call him and share some of the stories with him. I'll definitely be grabbing a print copy of this for him for Christmas! (And, you know, a copy for my shelves as well!!)
Thank you to Libro.fm and Hachette Audio for allowing me to listen to this in exchange for an honest review!! What a treat!
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