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189 pages, Paperback
First published June 14, 2016
"Creepy as hell. You owe me a few fingernails, Reid, because I've bitten them off reading your book!"When Mr. Cutter endorses a book like that I will do just about anything (and I do mean anything people) to get my hands on a copy. Fortunately, I didn't have to kill anybody (and lose precious reading time getting rid of the body since my woodchipper is in the shop). The publisher provided a review copy for free, no violence required, no cleanup in aisle four. Thanks Simon and Schuster Canada!
鈥淪ometimes a thought is closer to truth, to reality, than an action. You can say anything, you can do anything, but you can't fake a thought.鈥�
鈥淚鈥檓 thinking of ending things. Once this thought arrives, it stays. It sticks. It lingers. It dominates. There's not much I can do about it. Trust me. It doesn't go away. It's there whether I like it or not. It's there when I eat. When I go to bed. It's there when I sleep. It's there when I wake up. It's always there. 鈥�
"Getting to know someone is like putting a never-ending puzzle together. We fit the smallest pieces first, and we get to know ourselves better in the process."
鈥淛ust tell your story. Pretty much all memory is fiction and heavily edited. So just keep going.鈥�
鈥淚s intelligence always good? I wonder. What if intelligence is wasted? What if intelligence leads to more loneliness rather than to fulfillment? What if instead of productivity and clarity, it generates pain, isolation, and regret?"
鈥淒epression is a serious illness. It's physically painful, debilitating. And you can't just decide to get over it in the same way you can't just decide to get over cancer. Sadness is a normal human condition, no different from happiness. You wouldn't think of happiness as an illness."
Jake passes the slow-moving pickup in front of us. It鈥檚 black, old. We鈥檝e been following that truck for a while, pretty much for the entire story. I try to see the driver as we go by but can鈥檛 make him out. There haven鈥檛 been many cars with us on the road.
鈥淲hat did you mean when you said all memory is fiction?鈥� I ask.
鈥淎 memory is its own thing each time it鈥檚 recalled. It鈥檚 not absolute. Stories based on actual events often share more with fiction than fact. Both fictions and memories are recalled and retold. They鈥檙e both forms of stories. Stories are the way we learn. Stories are how we understand each other. But reality happens only once.鈥�
This is when I鈥檓 most attracted to Jake. Right now. When he says things like 鈥淩eality happens only once.鈥�
鈥淚t鈥檚 just weird, when you start thinking about it. We go see a movie and understand it鈥檚 not real. We know it鈥檚 people acting, reciting lines. It still affects us.鈥�
鈥淪o you鈥檙e saying that it doesn鈥檛 matter if the story I just told you is made up or if it actually happened?鈥�
鈥淓very story is made up. Even the real ones.鈥�
Another classic Jake line.
鈥淚鈥檒l have to think about that.鈥�
鈥淵ou know that song 鈥楿nforgettable鈥�?鈥�
鈥淵eah,鈥� I say.
鈥淗ow much is truly unforgettable?鈥�
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know. I鈥檓 not sure. I like the song, though.鈥�
鈥淣othing. Nothing is unforgettable.鈥�
鈥淲丑补迟?鈥�
鈥淭hat鈥檚 the thing. Part of everything will always be forgettable. No matter how good or remarkable it is. It literally has to be. To be.鈥�
鈥淭hat is the question?鈥�
鈥淒on鈥檛,鈥� says Jake.
鈥漈here鈥檚 something about modernity and what we value now. Is there a general lack of compassions? Of interest in others? In connections? It鈥檚 all related. How are we supposed to achieve a feeling of significance and purpose without feeling a link to something bigger than our own lives? The more I think about it, the more it seems happiness and fulfillment rely on the presence of others, even just one other. The same way sadness requires happiness, and vice versa. Alone is鈥︹€�
鈥淚 know what you mean.鈥�