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Quenched: Discovering God's Abundant Grace for Women Struggling With Pornography and Sexual Shame
Speaker and advocate offers any woman struggling with lust or pornography a biblically based roadmap to restoration, assuring her that God desires her freedom and his grace is bigger than her shame.
208 pages, Paperback
Published January 31, 2023
16 people are currently reading
1,002 people want to read
About the author
Jessica Harris
6Ìýbooks11ÌýfollowersLibrarian Note:
There is more than one author in the Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ database with this name.
Jessica Harris is a writer and international speaker who talks openly and honestly about pornography addiction among Christian women in order to facilitate healing. She is recognized as a leading voice on the topic of female porn use and addiction in the church, and she has been featured on media such as ABC's Nightline, The 700 Club, Focus on the Family, and Cru.
There is more than one author in the Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ database with this name.
Jessica Harris is a writer and international speaker who talks openly and honestly about pornography addiction among Christian women in order to facilitate healing. She is recognized as a leading voice on the topic of female porn use and addiction in the church, and she has been featured on media such as ABC's Nightline, The 700 Club, Focus on the Family, and Cru.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
July 17, 2023
5/5 Amazing resource for any woman who has struggled with sexual sin OR anyone walking with women who struggle with sexual sin.
October 16, 2024
Do you feel safe enough to talk about your deepest struggles with your closest friends and church family? Are you a safe person for others to talk to?
In the past year, I've been learning how important and valuable it is to be able to answer "yes" to both of the above questions, both in general and specifically in the context of struggles with p*rn. Despite the fact that statistics indicate that p*rn is something we ourselves and/or many of our Christian friends (men and women) struggle with, it's both a taboo thing to talk about and a painful thing to battle alone. This book was recommended to me as a good starting place to cultivate a Biblical perspective on the topic of Christian women struggling with and seeking freedom from p*rn.
The author of Quenched is upfront about the fact that the book is not a practical how-to manual. Instead, she presents a theology of grace, a call to pursuing healing, and an invitation to restoration and community.
I found this book to be an non-intimidating conversation about a topic that feels very intimidating. Harris reflects God's heart of mercy and grace, and invites readers to embrace and intetrate the same theology throughout their lives--a relevant message regardless of if you struggle with p*rn or something else (or, let's be real, multiple something else's ... none of us only struggle with one thing).
In the past year, I've been learning how important and valuable it is to be able to answer "yes" to both of the above questions, both in general and specifically in the context of struggles with p*rn. Despite the fact that statistics indicate that p*rn is something we ourselves and/or many of our Christian friends (men and women) struggle with, it's both a taboo thing to talk about and a painful thing to battle alone. This book was recommended to me as a good starting place to cultivate a Biblical perspective on the topic of Christian women struggling with and seeking freedom from p*rn.
The author of Quenched is upfront about the fact that the book is not a practical how-to manual. Instead, she presents a theology of grace, a call to pursuing healing, and an invitation to restoration and community.
I found this book to be an non-intimidating conversation about a topic that feels very intimidating. Harris reflects God's heart of mercy and grace, and invites readers to embrace and intetrate the same theology throughout their lives--a relevant message regardless of if you struggle with p*rn or something else (or, let's be real, multiple something else's ... none of us only struggle with one thing).
April 27, 2023
If you’re wanting a book with more ideas about how to set up better boundaries, this ain’t it. But it is the book to learn more about the whys behind your sin, and how fighting against sin from the position of being in Christ is far more effective than the defeated stance of trying to earn it. “We fight from a place of belonging, not longing.� The author goes into how unhelpful purity culture is and has been on this subject of helping women in addiction which was something I didn’t know I needed to unpack. The heart of her message centers around worship and how our shame reveals our idols.
I can’t say enough good things about this book.
I am so thankful for this resource and for Jessica sharing her story.
I can’t say enough good things about this book.
I am so thankful for this resource and for Jessica sharing her story.
November 15, 2023
Jessica Harris does an exceptional job in Quenched. I loved this book. When I finished it, I wanted to give Jessica a huge hug. I personally have not struggled with pornography, but my son has and I speak about it with parents and in schools with teens. Even though I can't relate to that particular issue, I have struggled with other strongholds. And the messages within this book hit home.
I love how she used the woman at the well and our thirst for water to show us our deep desires and how God fulfills them. She challenges us to not just stop our negative behavior but instead choose the better path, to live quenched with the Living Water. I highly recommend this book.
I love how she used the woman at the well and our thirst for water to show us our deep desires and how God fulfills them. She challenges us to not just stop our negative behavior but instead choose the better path, to live quenched with the Living Water. I highly recommend this book.
January 8, 2025
This book is for anyone who has struggled, currently struggling or even those that have never struggled-if you want to understand how to help your friend who is struggling. My only regret in reading it is that it wasn't 10 years ago. It's not a "how-to stop" book. It's focused on the understanding of shame and grace and our desperate need for Jesus.
February 18, 2023
cannot properly put into words how grateful i am that this book exists.
September 17, 2023
The topic of lust and pornography is usually talked about as 'man's problem'. However, when we frame it that way, women who struggle (and there are many who struggle) feel even more shame and isolation thinking they are 'the odd one out'. That is why I love this book and how the Author spoke honestly about her story and struggle and the way she has walked her journey to freedom. She gives practical advice but also, and more importantly, invites us to look beyond the surface issue and recognize the longing of our soul to be quenched and never be thirsty again.
Highly recommended!
Highly recommended!
April 26, 2023
I bought this book because Phylicia Masonheimer wrote the forward. And I'm so glad I did.
I would include some of my favorite quotes but there were so many I highlighted, underlined, and added my own thoughts/feelings to. I wish I had this book when I started on my path to recovery a few years ago. There were so many relatable parts, and in a few cases it was like she could read my mind. Most of the articles and recovery books talk about trauma and your past but she was the first that i have read to mention that it can happen to anyone. As someone who has no history of abuse and grew up in a loving Christian home I always felt excluded, like something must be wrong with me because I struggled with this sin but hearing her talk about it was very refreshing. She also talks about the mental aspect of battling addiction. You can stop watching the videos and reading the books but your thoughts are even harder to control. Your mind has stored away the words and images and it is a struggle to keep them from taking over, when she talked about this I felt seen. I felt like she truly understood my struggle. Towards the end she compares a pornography addiction to the Gatlinburg wildfire and it was such an amazing comparison.
There were a few small things I disagreed with but they were minor, 1 mention of the enneagram, a female pastor ref, and she seems to subscribe to the David raped Bathsheba idea. None of these things effect the overall feel of the book or the main points she makes.
I would include some of my favorite quotes but there were so many I highlighted, underlined, and added my own thoughts/feelings to. I wish I had this book when I started on my path to recovery a few years ago. There were so many relatable parts, and in a few cases it was like she could read my mind. Most of the articles and recovery books talk about trauma and your past but she was the first that i have read to mention that it can happen to anyone. As someone who has no history of abuse and grew up in a loving Christian home I always felt excluded, like something must be wrong with me because I struggled with this sin but hearing her talk about it was very refreshing. She also talks about the mental aspect of battling addiction. You can stop watching the videos and reading the books but your thoughts are even harder to control. Your mind has stored away the words and images and it is a struggle to keep them from taking over, when she talked about this I felt seen. I felt like she truly understood my struggle. Towards the end she compares a pornography addiction to the Gatlinburg wildfire and it was such an amazing comparison.
There were a few small things I disagreed with but they were minor, 1 mention of the enneagram, a female pastor ref, and she seems to subscribe to the David raped Bathsheba idea. None of these things effect the overall feel of the book or the main points she makes.
February 10, 2023
I so appreciate Jessica for sharing her story and journey with us. I pre-ordered this book because I wanted to support her after being a follower of hers upon reading Beggar's Daughter.
I believe this book can be a good introduction and start for those who are believers and struggling with sexual addictions.
However, I was a bit disappointed by it and felt like I was left with so much I wanted to know. Perhaps I was looking for more vulnerability of the process of loving Jesus and being loved by Him and that transforming her struggle. At times it felt a bit trite in it's messaging. Quoting scripture and telling me all I need to do is be close to Jesus.
In my own struggle, I have found that being close to Jesus does not mean not watching porn or acting out sexually. There is a much deeper healing process that Jessica doesn't touch upon in the book that I hoped she would. Perhaps she didn't go through deeper healing.. but I very much doubt it.
All that to say, this is my honest opinion of the book but I would always recommend Jessica Harris as the one to go to for thos subject matter in the Christian world.
I believe this book can be a good introduction and start for those who are believers and struggling with sexual addictions.
However, I was a bit disappointed by it and felt like I was left with so much I wanted to know. Perhaps I was looking for more vulnerability of the process of loving Jesus and being loved by Him and that transforming her struggle. At times it felt a bit trite in it's messaging. Quoting scripture and telling me all I need to do is be close to Jesus.
In my own struggle, I have found that being close to Jesus does not mean not watching porn or acting out sexually. There is a much deeper healing process that Jessica doesn't touch upon in the book that I hoped she would. Perhaps she didn't go through deeper healing.. but I very much doubt it.
All that to say, this is my honest opinion of the book but I would always recommend Jessica Harris as the one to go to for thos subject matter in the Christian world.
January 31, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley and Baker Books for allowing me to read this ARC of Quenched by Jessia Harris. Quenched releases today, January 31, 2023. My thoughts are my own.
Happy book birthday to Quenched!
I’ll admit, I’ve never quite read a book like Quenched before, due in large part to a lack of resources available on the subject. Now, there are some books out there, for instance, by Shannon Ethridge (Every Woman’s Marriage and The Sexually Confident Wife), but where they are a practical how-to guide and lack–to some measure–the personal and raw testimony of the author, Quenched presents the author’s story in bright, living color. Additional writers Harris mentions include Mo Isom Aiken and Phylicia Masonheimer, but until reading Quenched, I had never heard of either of them.
Let’s Talk about the Book
Writing from personal experience and drawing from the story of The Woman at the Well found in John 4, Harris entreats women stuck in pornography to find freedom in Jesus, who should be our source of living water, where we can be “quenched� of our thirst for identity, love, forgiveness and healing. She makes direct parallels with the woman at the well’s lifestyle and then shows how Jesus met her where she was, beckoning her to come to him as she was.
Why aren’t there more resources like Quenched out there? It seems like it has only been in recent years that the Christian community has begun to address the fact that not only men struggle with pornography. And, when I say pornography, I’m also including mainstream romance novels, erotica and “mommy porn�.
I know, I know…some of you reading this review will not agree with me on the above, but if that’s the case, I would ask you to consider why you read romance novels or erotica, and if you are a Christian, how that is helping your relationship with Christ.
Like I said, until recently, pornography was only seen as a man’s problem, which Harris found out firsthand when the Dean of Students at the college she attended, assumed she was providing her password to guys at the college. It would never have occurred to her that Harris was the one with the problem!
And there does seem to be some disconnect here. While not a direct focus in the book, purity culture is brought up briefly, and while I’m not one to fully criticize this movement, having been raised during it myself, I do wonder if there was an automatic assumption that if purity rings were distributed to the girls, churches had fulfilled their obligation to obliquely bring this subject to light and thereby extinguishing the need to address it further. Then again, there was a lot of knowledge and thought that women would be affected by this as well.
Some of the most profound takeaways I discovered:
You can’t live in this type of sin and minister effectively; there’s a duplicitousness and hypocrisy that will likely eat away at you
Pornography is idolatry
Pornography can become a form of worship
Sexual sin and shame from it are not a respecter of persons; women from good homes and not so good homes can get easily entangled in the sinister web of pornography
A lack of communication on the topic of sex within the church leads to an existential crisis and deconstructing of one’s faith
Women who view pornography or engage in fantasy or other forms of sexual sin face can take on an incorrect view of intimacy, which can follow them into marriage
Until I read Quenched, I had never heard the term “chronic hateful self-objectification�, which creates “unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings about sex, and I would go even further and say that this shame can create an incorrect view of marital intimacy
What This Book Is Not
This is not a how-to manual, and Harris makes it very clear from the get go: her mission is not to give steps to stop pornography usage. Rather, she works to introduce, re-introduce or clarify salvation and sanctification and how it’s only through relationship first with Jesus and with community that this can be dealt with (and dealt with well).
Themes
One of the biggest themes you will discover in this book is that of shame. Shame feels immobilizing and defeating and can keep a chokehold on us ever drawing us deeper. Shame also likes to keep us silent. And in the silence, there is loneliness and isolation. Shame keeps a hold on us and in our isolation and loneliness, we see no way out; it’s a vicious circle.
I think another theme is how to find your voice and to share your story. We need more people to share their stories, to speak out on their experiences and to take away the silence and isolation that so many feel.
Would I Recommend This Book?
Yes, I would recommend this book. Harris is an exceptional writer who draws from the Bible to share her story. It’s not as emotionally driven as, say, Lysa TerKeurst and therefore does not play on your emotions. And I think this is critical to this type of book and provides it a practicalness that makes the application and takeaways stand out greater.
I see this as being a great resource for college age and up. I think that someone who is younger, who is fighting this battle will be looking specifically for how to get out of it and the information might go over their heads. I see this as being a great resource for women’s Bible Studies and women’s ministry.
So with that thought in mind, might I inquire about a journal or a Bible Study to go along with this book? I hope Harris has already started to think about these elements.
One final thought: Harris brings in grace throughout her book, how there is a certain judgmental attitude from others in the church when this topic comes up. I would like to say that we are never going to be able to deal head on with this issue until we acknowledge that there is a problem. I love how Harris’s college community approached this topic just a year after she was told it was a man’s problem: they welcomed her with open arms and walked alongside her, determined to help her out of the pit and shame she found herself in. May we all extend the same grace and love.
Happy book birthday to Quenched!
I’ll admit, I’ve never quite read a book like Quenched before, due in large part to a lack of resources available on the subject. Now, there are some books out there, for instance, by Shannon Ethridge (Every Woman’s Marriage and The Sexually Confident Wife), but where they are a practical how-to guide and lack–to some measure–the personal and raw testimony of the author, Quenched presents the author’s story in bright, living color. Additional writers Harris mentions include Mo Isom Aiken and Phylicia Masonheimer, but until reading Quenched, I had never heard of either of them.
Let’s Talk about the Book
Writing from personal experience and drawing from the story of The Woman at the Well found in John 4, Harris entreats women stuck in pornography to find freedom in Jesus, who should be our source of living water, where we can be “quenched� of our thirst for identity, love, forgiveness and healing. She makes direct parallels with the woman at the well’s lifestyle and then shows how Jesus met her where she was, beckoning her to come to him as she was.
Why aren’t there more resources like Quenched out there? It seems like it has only been in recent years that the Christian community has begun to address the fact that not only men struggle with pornography. And, when I say pornography, I’m also including mainstream romance novels, erotica and “mommy porn�.
I know, I know…some of you reading this review will not agree with me on the above, but if that’s the case, I would ask you to consider why you read romance novels or erotica, and if you are a Christian, how that is helping your relationship with Christ.
Like I said, until recently, pornography was only seen as a man’s problem, which Harris found out firsthand when the Dean of Students at the college she attended, assumed she was providing her password to guys at the college. It would never have occurred to her that Harris was the one with the problem!
And there does seem to be some disconnect here. While not a direct focus in the book, purity culture is brought up briefly, and while I’m not one to fully criticize this movement, having been raised during it myself, I do wonder if there was an automatic assumption that if purity rings were distributed to the girls, churches had fulfilled their obligation to obliquely bring this subject to light and thereby extinguishing the need to address it further. Then again, there was a lot of knowledge and thought that women would be affected by this as well.
Some of the most profound takeaways I discovered:
You can’t live in this type of sin and minister effectively; there’s a duplicitousness and hypocrisy that will likely eat away at you
Pornography is idolatry
Pornography can become a form of worship
Sexual sin and shame from it are not a respecter of persons; women from good homes and not so good homes can get easily entangled in the sinister web of pornography
A lack of communication on the topic of sex within the church leads to an existential crisis and deconstructing of one’s faith
Women who view pornography or engage in fantasy or other forms of sexual sin face can take on an incorrect view of intimacy, which can follow them into marriage
Until I read Quenched, I had never heard the term “chronic hateful self-objectification�, which creates “unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings about sex, and I would go even further and say that this shame can create an incorrect view of marital intimacy
What This Book Is Not
This is not a how-to manual, and Harris makes it very clear from the get go: her mission is not to give steps to stop pornography usage. Rather, she works to introduce, re-introduce or clarify salvation and sanctification and how it’s only through relationship first with Jesus and with community that this can be dealt with (and dealt with well).
Themes
One of the biggest themes you will discover in this book is that of shame. Shame feels immobilizing and defeating and can keep a chokehold on us ever drawing us deeper. Shame also likes to keep us silent. And in the silence, there is loneliness and isolation. Shame keeps a hold on us and in our isolation and loneliness, we see no way out; it’s a vicious circle.
I think another theme is how to find your voice and to share your story. We need more people to share their stories, to speak out on their experiences and to take away the silence and isolation that so many feel.
Would I Recommend This Book?
Yes, I would recommend this book. Harris is an exceptional writer who draws from the Bible to share her story. It’s not as emotionally driven as, say, Lysa TerKeurst and therefore does not play on your emotions. And I think this is critical to this type of book and provides it a practicalness that makes the application and takeaways stand out greater.
I see this as being a great resource for college age and up. I think that someone who is younger, who is fighting this battle will be looking specifically for how to get out of it and the information might go over their heads. I see this as being a great resource for women’s Bible Studies and women’s ministry.
So with that thought in mind, might I inquire about a journal or a Bible Study to go along with this book? I hope Harris has already started to think about these elements.
One final thought: Harris brings in grace throughout her book, how there is a certain judgmental attitude from others in the church when this topic comes up. I would like to say that we are never going to be able to deal head on with this issue until we acknowledge that there is a problem. I love how Harris’s college community approached this topic just a year after she was told it was a man’s problem: they welcomed her with open arms and walked alongside her, determined to help her out of the pit and shame she found herself in. May we all extend the same grace and love.
April 11, 2024
Changed my life. I really have a much better understanding of what grace is and that SHAME is the enemy. I understand more of God’s heart. This book could be called “Quenched: Discovering God’s Abundant Grace� without the rest of the subtitle. While it is specifically aimed at those who struggle with porn and sexual sin, it is a lot of fundamentals that can be applied to any chronic sin struggle. I am free. I no longer pick up these chains but instead choose love, knowing the love God has for me. Such an incredible book.
September 3, 2024
I read this book to educate myself and better understand what women around me may be struggling with. One of the simplest ideas of the book is that women, not just men, struggle with pornography and lust. This book is specifically about pornography, but is an excellent description and guide to dealing with any on-going sin struggle. I found myself nodding along with the descriptions of how we struggle with sin and try to do better and fail. I was encouraged by the reminders of God's grace. Strongly recommend for anyone caught in sexual sin, but also anyone feeling stuck in sin and shame.
June 2, 2023
Jessica weaves her personal addiction experience with the freedom we can experience in Jesus by first excepting His message of forgiveness in a way that is both captivating and true.
This book is a needed resource in a world that is hiding behind pornography addiction and is unsure where to turn.
Listen to my conversation with Jessica here:
This book is a needed resource in a world that is hiding behind pornography addiction and is unsure where to turn.
Listen to my conversation with Jessica here:
February 23, 2024
Absolutely incredible book to help fight sexual sin from a Christian perspective. It speaks truth and gives hope about God's love, grace and redemption. It follows the story of the samaritan women and highlights several desires that pornography has tainted and how to restore them and take them back into God's hand. Highly recommend
March 6, 2024
AHHHHH!!!!! This book was SO, SO good. If this is a struggle for you, has been a struggle, or you know of someone going through this (and you probably do, even if you don’t know it), PLEASE read this book!
August 20, 2023
I am not a Christian, but this book was still relatable for me. I found a lot of good information in it. It inspired me to not feel ashamed of my struggles and to seek God instead.
December 21, 2024
Would highly recommend to any woman struggling with pornography.
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