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Inconceivable: A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver the Ultimate Gift
A medical mistake during an IVF procedure. An unthinkable situation . . . you’re pregnant with the wrong baby. You can terminate, but you can’t keep him. What choice would you make? Carolyn and Sean Savage had been trying to expand their family for years. When they underwent an IVF transfer in February 2009, they knew it would be their last chance. If they became pregnant, they would celebrate the baby as an answer to their prayers. If not, they would be grateful for the family they had and leave their fertility struggles behind forever. They never imagined a third option. The pregnancy test was positive, but the clinic had transferred the wrong embryos. Carolyn was pregnant with someone else’s baby. The Savages faced a series of heartbreaking terminate the pregnancy, sue for custody, or hand over the infant to his genetic parents upon delivery. Knowing that Carolyn was carrying another couple’s hope for a baby, the Savages wanted to do what they prayed the other family would do for them if the situation was reversed. Sean and Carolyn Savage decided to give the ultimate gift, the gift of life, to a family they didn’t know, no strings attached. Inconceivable provides an inside look at how modern medicine, which creates miracles daily, could allow such a tragic mistake, and the many legal ramifications that ensued with both the genetic family and the clinic. Chronicling their tumultuous pregnancy and its aftermath, which tested the Savage’s faith, their relationship to their church, and their marriage, Inconceivable is ultimately a testament to love. Carolyn and Sean loved this baby, making it impossible for them to imagine how they could give him life and then give him away. In the end, Inconceivable is a story of what it is to be a parent, someone who nurtures a life, protects a soul, only to release that child into the world long before you’re ready to let him go.
296 pages, Hardcover
First published January 27, 2011
185 people are currently reading
2,595 people want to read
About the author
Carolyn Savage
8Ìýbooks32ÌýfollowersSean and Carolyn Savage were horrified to hear in early 2009 that the embryo that had been implanted in Carolyn wasn't theirs but belonged to another family in Ohio. Carolyn bravely carried the baby to term and the Savages handed the baby boy over to his biological parents. A story covered in People Magazine, the Associated Press, and Today, they tell the full story for the first time in this book. Sean is a financial planner and Carolyn a former elementary school principal. Sean and Carolyn live in Ohio with their teenage sons and two year old daughter."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 311 reviews
May 23, 2011
I was torn on how to rate this book. First, let me say that I have not read the other side of the story written by the genetic mother, Shannon Morell, but I would like to now. Let me start with the good things about this book. The writing was pretty good, and most of the time it held my interest though I do think it could have been shortened. The story is worth hearing. The Savages were brutally honest about their emotions, and I applaud them for their honesty -- for the most part (more on that below). I will warn the potential reader that these raw emotions can be difficult to read about. They are sometimes rather ugly, but they are undoubtedly real. I also applaud the Savages for avoiding the appearance that they were some sort of saints. Despite the beautiful thing they did in carrying this baby and giving it to the rightful parents without a fight, they admit to feeling anger and bitterness. They do not hide the strain this placed on their marriage. They are genuine people with the same kind of failings and weaknesses the rest of us have.
Now I must move on to the critical part of my review. In one area I felt the Savages' honesty was inappropriate, and that was the way they spoke about the genetic mother Shannon. I understand that they were being honest about their feelings, but I believe the negative feelings they had about Shannon should first have been discussed with Shannon and then only revealed to the public after the two families had talked things out and agreed to make them public. Instead, I got the impression that the Savages intentionally hid their negative feelings from Shannon, giving her the impression they liked her, only to reveal the truth to the whole world in this book. What a shock that must have been to Shannon! Part of the reason I want to read Shannon's story is that I think the Savages often misunderstood her just as much as they felt she misunderstood them. They wanted her to feel their pain, but they never seemed to understand how much she, too, must have been traumatized by this, how much she too lost that she can never get back. I often felt these two families never sat down and honestly communicated their feelings to each other. If they had, perhaps the Morells would have given the Savages more interaction with the baby after it was born because they would have understood how important it was to the Savages and how much the Savages loved this baby. I think the Savages tactic of downplaying their feelings for the baby in order not to "scare" the Morells backfired.
My main reason for being disappointed with this book, though, was that I was expecting a story of a family who overcame great tragedy by relying on God and drawing strength from Him. In short, I was expecting something like Corrie Ten Boon's "The Hiding Place." What I got instead was a humanistic story of a couple who spoke about faith and about God in a nonpersonal way while relying primarily on their own inner strength and the love of their friends and family. Not surprisingly, the story did not end with any sense of triumphantly overcoming adversity by the grace of God but instead ended with a sense of continuing pain and brokeness with no real healing or peace in sight. The Savages explicitly rejected more than once the idea that God was working out His plan in their lives through this painful experience. They are correct that God did not cause this tragedy -- human carelessness did. But they refuse to deal with the fact that an all-powerful God could certainly have prevented it from hurting them if He had chosen to do so, and that an all-powerful God is capable of taking tragedy and using it to bring about His perfect plan for our lives. We can't always see why He allows pain in our lives, and sometimes we won't understand it this side of heaven. But often we DO come to understand because we see the joy and blessings that could only have come about through the pain and tragedy. Corrie Ten Boom saw this in her life, just as I have seen it in mine. Sometimes, as in the life of Joseph in the Bible, God allows tragedy for a good purpose, and He walks with us through it -- giving us strength when we ask. Yet I never heard the Savages speak of turning to God for daily strength. Instead, one sentence stood out to me in a negative way when Carolyn says to God, "I don't need you right now. I'm OK with whatever happens." That shocked me. One thing I know is that I need God all the time, even when I think I'm doing OK on my own. It always goes better when I rely on His strength instead of my own. I hope the Savages discover this truth and eventually find the healing and peace they seek.
Now I must move on to the critical part of my review. In one area I felt the Savages' honesty was inappropriate, and that was the way they spoke about the genetic mother Shannon. I understand that they were being honest about their feelings, but I believe the negative feelings they had about Shannon should first have been discussed with Shannon and then only revealed to the public after the two families had talked things out and agreed to make them public. Instead, I got the impression that the Savages intentionally hid their negative feelings from Shannon, giving her the impression they liked her, only to reveal the truth to the whole world in this book. What a shock that must have been to Shannon! Part of the reason I want to read Shannon's story is that I think the Savages often misunderstood her just as much as they felt she misunderstood them. They wanted her to feel their pain, but they never seemed to understand how much she, too, must have been traumatized by this, how much she too lost that she can never get back. I often felt these two families never sat down and honestly communicated their feelings to each other. If they had, perhaps the Morells would have given the Savages more interaction with the baby after it was born because they would have understood how important it was to the Savages and how much the Savages loved this baby. I think the Savages tactic of downplaying their feelings for the baby in order not to "scare" the Morells backfired.
My main reason for being disappointed with this book, though, was that I was expecting a story of a family who overcame great tragedy by relying on God and drawing strength from Him. In short, I was expecting something like Corrie Ten Boon's "The Hiding Place." What I got instead was a humanistic story of a couple who spoke about faith and about God in a nonpersonal way while relying primarily on their own inner strength and the love of their friends and family. Not surprisingly, the story did not end with any sense of triumphantly overcoming adversity by the grace of God but instead ended with a sense of continuing pain and brokeness with no real healing or peace in sight. The Savages explicitly rejected more than once the idea that God was working out His plan in their lives through this painful experience. They are correct that God did not cause this tragedy -- human carelessness did. But they refuse to deal with the fact that an all-powerful God could certainly have prevented it from hurting them if He had chosen to do so, and that an all-powerful God is capable of taking tragedy and using it to bring about His perfect plan for our lives. We can't always see why He allows pain in our lives, and sometimes we won't understand it this side of heaven. But often we DO come to understand because we see the joy and blessings that could only have come about through the pain and tragedy. Corrie Ten Boom saw this in her life, just as I have seen it in mine. Sometimes, as in the life of Joseph in the Bible, God allows tragedy for a good purpose, and He walks with us through it -- giving us strength when we ask. Yet I never heard the Savages speak of turning to God for daily strength. Instead, one sentence stood out to me in a negative way when Carolyn says to God, "I don't need you right now. I'm OK with whatever happens." That shocked me. One thing I know is that I need God all the time, even when I think I'm doing OK on my own. It always goes better when I rely on His strength instead of my own. I hope the Savages discover this truth and eventually find the healing and peace they seek.
April 27, 2011
Wow. I thought I knew "the story" after reading Misconception, told from the point of the view of Shannon Morrell (whose frozen embryos were implanted in Carolyn Savage's womb due to an unbelievable medical mishap). But, like they say, there are two sides to every story (at least!), and this story would be hollow had the Savages not shared their point of view. I admired their values that led to them making the right choice, even when it meant emotional heartache (oh, what heartache!) and isolation, not to mention the physical risk it put on Carolyn to carry a child (yes, they were willing to endure for their own child, but to do it for complete strangers -- that is integrity). This is a well-told story, honest and forthright as well as compelling (I finished the whole thing in less than 24 hours!) and well-written. I appreciated the insights into how to be a good human being while still being "real" about it. It's quite tempting to compare which couple in this mix-up had it "harder," but the I think the public could take a cue of the Savages' empathy and compassion; check out this insight from Sean Savage on page 258:
"So many people suffer devastating losses, and it seemed wrong to compare what Carolyn and I were going through to anyone else. Each is powerful in its own right."
This is such a hard principle to implement, and while the Savages may not be perfect at it (who is?), I think they are definitely leading the pack. I still feel for the Morells and am glad I read their book, but I'm even more grateful to hear the Savages' story and wish them the best as they continue to heal. This story was fascinating and gave me a lot to think about.
"So many people suffer devastating losses, and it seemed wrong to compare what Carolyn and I were going through to anyone else. Each is powerful in its own right."
This is such a hard principle to implement, and while the Savages may not be perfect at it (who is?), I think they are definitely leading the pack. I still feel for the Morells and am glad I read their book, but I'm even more grateful to hear the Savages' story and wish them the best as they continue to heal. This story was fascinating and gave me a lot to think about.
March 25, 2011
I'm having difficulty with this review. How much do I write about the book and its merits as literature and how much do I write about the authors?
I debated about accepting this book for review, since as a Catholic I believe in-vitro fertilization is immoral. I figured that the authors espoused a religion that did not so believe and that I'd be able to see their point of view, even if I didn't agree with it. Unfortunately, I was wrong on both counts. However, I'll be the first to admit that my beliefs about IVF may color my opinion about this book.
Some memoirs manage to tell the story without seeming self-absorbed; this one does not. All the way through what we hear is that Carolyn and Sean wanted, and what they went through to get it. Despite having two lovely boys, they wanted another child so they decided the Catholic church (for whom Carolyn worked as a school principal) was wrong in its teaching about in-vitro fertilization. They chose IVF and had a beautiful daughter. They didn't want to leave the spare embryos frozen (and they wanted another baby) so they underwent yet another IVF procedure and that's where the mix-up occurred. During the pregnancy they hired a surrogate to carry the embryo the doctors didn't implant in her--thereby putting another woman through at least part of what she herself was experiencing.
I'm sure Carolyn and Sean are nice people and they have a beautiful family. I'm really sorry for what they had to go through, and from what they wrote, I don't think the biological parents of the baby treated them well--but how does one treat a gestational surrogate? The book itself is mildly compelling and definite reminder of all the things that can go wrong with procedures like IVF--things that range from the destruction of "unneeded" embryos to mix-ups like this one--and that doesn't being to address the issue of surrogate parenthood.
In the end, even though I should have been crying buckets for the wonderfully selfless thing Carolyn and Sean did in giving up the baby without a fight, I just didn't care. I'm sure it is hard to write a memoir--a book about yourself -- without seeming self-absorbed or self-congratulatory, and this book is the perfect illustration of that. Grade: C
I debated about accepting this book for review, since as a Catholic I believe in-vitro fertilization is immoral. I figured that the authors espoused a religion that did not so believe and that I'd be able to see their point of view, even if I didn't agree with it. Unfortunately, I was wrong on both counts. However, I'll be the first to admit that my beliefs about IVF may color my opinion about this book.
Some memoirs manage to tell the story without seeming self-absorbed; this one does not. All the way through what we hear is that Carolyn and Sean wanted, and what they went through to get it. Despite having two lovely boys, they wanted another child so they decided the Catholic church (for whom Carolyn worked as a school principal) was wrong in its teaching about in-vitro fertilization. They chose IVF and had a beautiful daughter. They didn't want to leave the spare embryos frozen (and they wanted another baby) so they underwent yet another IVF procedure and that's where the mix-up occurred. During the pregnancy they hired a surrogate to carry the embryo the doctors didn't implant in her--thereby putting another woman through at least part of what she herself was experiencing.
I'm sure Carolyn and Sean are nice people and they have a beautiful family. I'm really sorry for what they had to go through, and from what they wrote, I don't think the biological parents of the baby treated them well--but how does one treat a gestational surrogate? The book itself is mildly compelling and definite reminder of all the things that can go wrong with procedures like IVF--things that range from the destruction of "unneeded" embryos to mix-ups like this one--and that doesn't being to address the issue of surrogate parenthood.
In the end, even though I should have been crying buckets for the wonderfully selfless thing Carolyn and Sean did in giving up the baby without a fight, I just didn't care. I'm sure it is hard to write a memoir--a book about yourself -- without seeming self-absorbed or self-congratulatory, and this book is the perfect illustration of that. Grade: C
May 27, 2011
An oddly unaffecting story about an avoidable medical error.
The IVF clinic where the Savages were being treated accidentally implanted another family's embryo -- and Carolyn Savage got pregnant. From the beginning, she and her husband Sean knew that they would not have an abortion, and that they would not seek custody (custody they would have been unlikely to win, though this does not appear to have been any part of the reason they chose not to seek custody.) This book covers the period of the pregnancy (a fairly high risk pregnancy) and the first few months after the birth.
The story is horrible, with the Savages put in a terrible position, but at no point did I feel much for them. The book is about how they felt, how they decided, how they dealt with the impact: the writing on this was poor.(It did not help that I heard on the radio that their surrogate is pregnant and in the third trimester with twins, their fourth and fifth children, so I knew how the entire story played out.)
They were also ungraceful towards the Morrells. Not that I think that the feelings were wrong, or even any different than most people would feel. But there is a difference between what you think and what you publish.
The IVF clinic where the Savages were being treated accidentally implanted another family's embryo -- and Carolyn Savage got pregnant. From the beginning, she and her husband Sean knew that they would not have an abortion, and that they would not seek custody (custody they would have been unlikely to win, though this does not appear to have been any part of the reason they chose not to seek custody.) This book covers the period of the pregnancy (a fairly high risk pregnancy) and the first few months after the birth.
The story is horrible, with the Savages put in a terrible position, but at no point did I feel much for them. The book is about how they felt, how they decided, how they dealt with the impact: the writing on this was poor.(It did not help that I heard on the radio that their surrogate is pregnant and in the third trimester with twins, their fourth and fifth children, so I knew how the entire story played out.)
They were also ungraceful towards the Morrells. Not that I think that the feelings were wrong, or even any different than most people would feel. But there is a difference between what you think and what you publish.
April 16, 2013
I cannot stomach this dull memoir. Perhaps a ghost writer would have helped? Carolyn Savage comes off sounding whinny and self absorbed.
You know those memoirs where you almost hope something awful will happen to the main character/narrator to actually give her something to whine about? Yes, this was one of those.
My impression of this book:
"We are Catholic. We want to have lots of Catholic children but only have three. *whine, whine, whine* IVF is expensive and against Catholic beliefs. *whine, whine, whine* Pregnancy is painful and difficult for me and at the end of it, I don't even get to keep the baby. *whine, whine, whine*
While the Savage family find themselves in a very difficult situation, I found that I couldn't sympathize. I tried but they didn't make me care about them or their situation. As a writer, you need to make your audience care and they failed at this.
You know those memoirs where you almost hope something awful will happen to the main character/narrator to actually give her something to whine about? Yes, this was one of those.
My impression of this book:
"We are Catholic. We want to have lots of Catholic children but only have three. *whine, whine, whine* IVF is expensive and against Catholic beliefs. *whine, whine, whine* Pregnancy is painful and difficult for me and at the end of it, I don't even get to keep the baby. *whine, whine, whine*
While the Savage family find themselves in a very difficult situation, I found that I couldn't sympathize. I tried but they didn't make me care about them or their situation. As a writer, you need to make your audience care and they failed at this.
February 21, 2011
A more honest read about the mixed up embryo story; after reading "Misconception", I felt really disturbed because I really disliked the woman after reading it. She was self-absorbed and her personality just bugged me. All she could say was how badly she was suffering. The whole time, I kept telling myself, "Consider how Carolyn Savage felt, you egotistical, self-absorbed woman!" Perhaps this is why I ran to get "Inconcievable" as soon as I heard it was out.
"Inconcievable" told the story of Carolyn Savage, the lady who choose to carry the baby after learning he was not hers. She tod her story with grace and honesty, and even as I wanted to cry for her, she didn't write with self-pity. I read of her expereince, and her doubts, fears,and pain, and I felt for her. I wanted things to work out so she could have kept Logan. Her willingness to place her baby--and I think he is, in fact, just as much hers as he is Shannon Morel's--amazed me. Her choices were painful, and yet she kept her promise to give him to his genetic parents. Her story was upifting and made me really respect and admire her. I could not have done what she did, and knowing that she had to turn the baby over to that troll (sorry, I am just disgusted with S.M., I just saw an interview with her and it rubbed me the wrong way) bothered me alot...I found myself hoping that the Savages have blessings to "make up" for their terrible loss...and that the Morrells let them see Logan.
The religious aspect didn't bother me, thugh it provoked a lot of consideration on the Church's view on reproduction, which I believe is outdated and cruel. I think that God gace us science, and reproductive assistance is part of that science. To judge Carolyn for bringing children into a strong family with a loving core and faith cannot be considered wrong, nor could telling others wh do not wish to be parents to practive birth control. If anything, this judgement sheds more of a light n the hypocrisy of the Church itself, not those who wish to expand their families. again, not to continue to preach, but the doctrines in some cases are silly.
Overall, a real tear jerker that will appeal to mothers, especially those who have experienced infertility. It doesn't have the happy ending I would have liked, (hearing they got another baby from the surrogate, etc) but it sure did make me think to myself, "These are good people, I would have liked to know them."
"Inconcievable" told the story of Carolyn Savage, the lady who choose to carry the baby after learning he was not hers. She tod her story with grace and honesty, and even as I wanted to cry for her, she didn't write with self-pity. I read of her expereince, and her doubts, fears,and pain, and I felt for her. I wanted things to work out so she could have kept Logan. Her willingness to place her baby--and I think he is, in fact, just as much hers as he is Shannon Morel's--amazed me. Her choices were painful, and yet she kept her promise to give him to his genetic parents. Her story was upifting and made me really respect and admire her. I could not have done what she did, and knowing that she had to turn the baby over to that troll (sorry, I am just disgusted with S.M., I just saw an interview with her and it rubbed me the wrong way) bothered me alot...I found myself hoping that the Savages have blessings to "make up" for their terrible loss...and that the Morrells let them see Logan.
The religious aspect didn't bother me, thugh it provoked a lot of consideration on the Church's view on reproduction, which I believe is outdated and cruel. I think that God gace us science, and reproductive assistance is part of that science. To judge Carolyn for bringing children into a strong family with a loving core and faith cannot be considered wrong, nor could telling others wh do not wish to be parents to practive birth control. If anything, this judgement sheds more of a light n the hypocrisy of the Church itself, not those who wish to expand their families. again, not to continue to preach, but the doctrines in some cases are silly.
Overall, a real tear jerker that will appeal to mothers, especially those who have experienced infertility. It doesn't have the happy ending I would have liked, (hearing they got another baby from the surrogate, etc) but it sure did make me think to myself, "These are good people, I would have liked to know them."
February 18, 2011
An unbelievable story about a woman who was implanted with another couple's embryos. Because of their religious beliefs, they made the difficult decision to give birth to the baby, and then gave the baby to the genetic couple.
Although the story was fascinating due to the topic alone, I found a couple of points about their story off-putting. First, they make an admirable, yet unfathonable, decision to carry through the pregnancy. They also decide upfront that they will give the baby to the rightful genetic couple and not sue for custody. Yet Carolyn's obvious contempt and disdain for the genetic couple comes through clearly. Both Carolyn & Sean felt that the genetic couple did not express their gratitute properly. Also, throughout the story, they expound upound their deeply-held religious views, and yet, in the end, they proceeded with IVF against the Catholic Church's policy. (I'm not saying I agree with the Catholic Church's stance, I was more bothered by their religious hypocrisy).
Although the story was fascinating due to the topic alone, I found a couple of points about their story off-putting. First, they make an admirable, yet unfathonable, decision to carry through the pregnancy. They also decide upfront that they will give the baby to the rightful genetic couple and not sue for custody. Yet Carolyn's obvious contempt and disdain for the genetic couple comes through clearly. Both Carolyn & Sean felt that the genetic couple did not express their gratitute properly. Also, throughout the story, they expound upound their deeply-held religious views, and yet, in the end, they proceeded with IVF against the Catholic Church's policy. (I'm not saying I agree with the Catholic Church's stance, I was more bothered by their religious hypocrisy).
February 27, 2011
"The IVF mistake was simply stated: Carolyn Savage was pregnant with someone else's embryos. She and her husband Sean were forced to make a seemingly inconceivable choice: Either terminate the pregnancy, sue for custody, or deliver the baby—and relinquish it. The Savages decided to do what they would hope that another couple would do in a comparable situation. This is their story. Impossible to read without placing yourself in their situation."
I couldn't agree more. The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking, "What would Adam and I do if something like this ever happened to us?" This was a remarkable book about remarkable people. I absolutely loved how completely real they were about their feelings, too. They talked about the despair they felt, and how they were jealous and resentful of the genetic parents. I also loved how the book jumped back and forth between Sean and Carolyn, so the reader could really get a good look at each of their feelings.
The part of this that maybe hit me the most was the lack of support this couple got from their church. They are Catholic, and the Catholic church does not condone assisted reproduction in any form. In Carolyn's own words, "Our very own church was not there to support us in our time of greatest need." I thought to myself, "They need to be LDS!" I can only imagine how our church would rally around a family going through a situation like this. It pained me to think that their church would turn their collective backs on them during their struggle.
When the time came for the delivery of the baby, I was crying hard. I couldn't even help it. It was so painful, yet tender, too, as Sean and Carolyn passed their baby over to his genetic parents. It really tore at my heart!
Though I wouldn't put this on the same level as "Little Women" or "The Count of Monte Cristo" (hence the 4- and not 5- star rating), it was an emotional, thought-provoking story that I would completely recommend.
I couldn't agree more. The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking, "What would Adam and I do if something like this ever happened to us?" This was a remarkable book about remarkable people. I absolutely loved how completely real they were about their feelings, too. They talked about the despair they felt, and how they were jealous and resentful of the genetic parents. I also loved how the book jumped back and forth between Sean and Carolyn, so the reader could really get a good look at each of their feelings.
The part of this that maybe hit me the most was the lack of support this couple got from their church. They are Catholic, and the Catholic church does not condone assisted reproduction in any form. In Carolyn's own words, "Our very own church was not there to support us in our time of greatest need." I thought to myself, "They need to be LDS!" I can only imagine how our church would rally around a family going through a situation like this. It pained me to think that their church would turn their collective backs on them during their struggle.
When the time came for the delivery of the baby, I was crying hard. I couldn't even help it. It was so painful, yet tender, too, as Sean and Carolyn passed their baby over to his genetic parents. It really tore at my heart!
Though I wouldn't put this on the same level as "Little Women" or "The Count of Monte Cristo" (hence the 4- and not 5- star rating), it was an emotional, thought-provoking story that I would completely recommend.
March 30, 2011
Why in the world would I read a book like this? Did I want to read about this couple's strength in an unbelievable situation? I don't know, but just looking at the photos in this book made me cry. After spending years and years trying to expand their family, Sean and Carolyn Savage turned to IVF. Desperate for just one more child, they undergo an embryo transfer only to find out shortly thereafter that the embryos weren't theirs. The fertility clinic had made a colossal error! What transpires is their gut-wrenching journey to deliver the baby and to give him to his rightful parents. Despite thinking of the baby as their own (How could Carolyn Savage not bond with the baby growing in her own womb?) they knew that once the baby was born, their time with him would be measured in minutes before he was given to his biological parents. No matter how honest and candid the Savages were in telling their story, I don't think I can truly fathom their subsequent grief over losing the baby. Although not easy to read, especially if one has experienced any fertility difficulties, their story is quite compelling.
March 30, 2011
I went to a discussion with the authors and I can't wait to read this book - I was very impressed with this couple and am glad they are sharing their story.
The best way to describe this book is honest. At times I would like to think I would handle things differently than Carolyn did, but really, who knows? Hopefully no one else will have to go through a similar situation.
Book was a quick read and written from each of their perspectives. They are good people and I hope that they get to add to their family soon along with getting to know Logan (the baby from this book)as he grows up.
The best way to describe this book is honest. At times I would like to think I would handle things differently than Carolyn did, but really, who knows? Hopefully no one else will have to go through a similar situation.
Book was a quick read and written from each of their perspectives. They are good people and I hope that they get to add to their family soon along with getting to know Logan (the baby from this book)as he grows up.
July 8, 2015
I found the author whiny and self righteous and self centered. I was a little disgusted at how proprietary she was towards the child, knowing full well it was not her child. I felt bad for the biological parents.
March 21, 2011
Kind of lame. I just didn't "get" these people.
August 19, 2012
Interesting story, but so whiny.
May 16, 2023
I’ve been wanting to read this book for a while—ever since I saw an ad for it one day. It took a bit for me to get into it, but then the family’s plight and the way they handled the situation pulled me in and I ended up reading the rest of the book in two sittings. I’ve never read a book like this before, and my heart goes out to the families involved who had their lives turned upside down by the events described here.
I really appreciated this book, and the family’s willingness to share their hearts. Not because it was good, necessarily—it’s an unthinkably terrible situation, honestly—but because it shows what can happen when we let love and God’s principles guide our lives. This family chose life, and in choosing life, though it meant great suffering, it also meant great joy for them.
I didn’t agree with all of their choices, but I loved how they valued life and tried to bless and protect their family despite their grief. If you’re looking for encouragement, or enjoy reading true stories about hope out of difficult situations, this could be an excellent choice for you. Told honestly, with a strong thread of grace and love, this is a story that isn’t easily forgotten.
I really appreciated this book, and the family’s willingness to share their hearts. Not because it was good, necessarily—it’s an unthinkably terrible situation, honestly—but because it shows what can happen when we let love and God’s principles guide our lives. This family chose life, and in choosing life, though it meant great suffering, it also meant great joy for them.
I didn’t agree with all of their choices, but I loved how they valued life and tried to bless and protect their family despite their grief. If you’re looking for encouragement, or enjoy reading true stories about hope out of difficult situations, this could be an excellent choice for you. Told honestly, with a strong thread of grace and love, this is a story that isn’t easily forgotten.
August 11, 2011
Inconceivable is Carolyn & Sean's true story of being mistakenly inseminated with another couple's embryos during an IVF procedure. In so doing, Carolyn unwittingly becomes a surrogate mother for this other couple's child while giving away her last opportunity, due to her age, for a healthy pregnancy that could have borne another child.
I had read about this story in PEOPLE magazine a while ago and was interested to learn more. Despite being a full memoir length, I still was as interested as I was in the original article I read. In terms of readability, this book was engaging and flowed well through the nine month experience and then some. It was broken up into four parts (first, second, third, and yes, a fourth, trimester) that had several chapters each. Each chapter has a part told from Carolyn's point of view and a part from Sean's. I had a couple adverse reactions that I realize were completely personal. For whatever reason, I naturally related more to the other couple in the situation and that led me to feel that the authors were unfairly harsh about them. There was a lot of anger expressed towards them for not being more grateful to the Savages for maintaining the pregnancy, for automatically assuming the child was completely theirs. There was talk about how the Savages were doing, it seems, a favor by not fighting for custody. (!!!) It might be that, dealing with infertility myself, I may have felt judgmental because this couple already has three children which made it difficult for me to relate since I have yet to have one. Of course, then I realized the other couple also already has two as well. But it still seemed like there was a lack of empathy for what the other couple must have felt, their embryos being essentially given away, the life of their child solely dependent on this couple. That aspect frustrated me.
But, ultimately, I do agree that this family did do something great for the other couple by essentially risking Carolyn's health by bringing their child to term. And just because the child wasn't genetically theirs, they treated the child as though he was and continue to feel they will always love this child as their own. And while I feel judgmental about their reactions about the other family and the way they were painted, I don't know the other couple and it's possible their judgments about them were more accurate than I realize. The situation was extremely unfair to both couples and neither one was really in a worse situation than the other in my opinion.
Those more religious readers may appreciate that aspect of this book, as the Savages are Catholic and talk, not too significantly but somewhat, about how this affected their decisions. They also talked about the things they didn't like people to say to them like "it's all God's plan". Despite their religious background, they felt offended by the fact that God would have planned such difficulties for them. So that aspect of the Savage's experience was definitely insightful as an outsider to better understand the totality of the emotional toll this took on them. I mean, I cannot imagine the horror of, after desperately hoping to become pregnant, becoming so with another person's child that you have to give away after enduring an entire pregnancy. But then, the religious aspect was also frustrating, as the Catholic stance is that these fertility treatments are immoral. No one dealing with infertility wants to hear that. (And trust me, I had a friend tell me that once...)
Overall this was a well-done book for anyone interested in more details about the situation. I will say as a note for those dealing with infertility to just be aware of whether you really want to spend that much time reading about pregnancy and babies etc. I think I overestimated my "okay-ness" with it and by the end I was definitely looking forward to a complete escape from the topic!
Taken from my blog at
I had read about this story in PEOPLE magazine a while ago and was interested to learn more. Despite being a full memoir length, I still was as interested as I was in the original article I read. In terms of readability, this book was engaging and flowed well through the nine month experience and then some. It was broken up into four parts (first, second, third, and yes, a fourth, trimester) that had several chapters each. Each chapter has a part told from Carolyn's point of view and a part from Sean's. I had a couple adverse reactions that I realize were completely personal. For whatever reason, I naturally related more to the other couple in the situation and that led me to feel that the authors were unfairly harsh about them. There was a lot of anger expressed towards them for not being more grateful to the Savages for maintaining the pregnancy, for automatically assuming the child was completely theirs. There was talk about how the Savages were doing, it seems, a favor by not fighting for custody. (!!!) It might be that, dealing with infertility myself, I may have felt judgmental because this couple already has three children which made it difficult for me to relate since I have yet to have one. Of course, then I realized the other couple also already has two as well. But it still seemed like there was a lack of empathy for what the other couple must have felt, their embryos being essentially given away, the life of their child solely dependent on this couple. That aspect frustrated me.
But, ultimately, I do agree that this family did do something great for the other couple by essentially risking Carolyn's health by bringing their child to term. And just because the child wasn't genetically theirs, they treated the child as though he was and continue to feel they will always love this child as their own. And while I feel judgmental about their reactions about the other family and the way they were painted, I don't know the other couple and it's possible their judgments about them were more accurate than I realize. The situation was extremely unfair to both couples and neither one was really in a worse situation than the other in my opinion.
Those more religious readers may appreciate that aspect of this book, as the Savages are Catholic and talk, not too significantly but somewhat, about how this affected their decisions. They also talked about the things they didn't like people to say to them like "it's all God's plan". Despite their religious background, they felt offended by the fact that God would have planned such difficulties for them. So that aspect of the Savage's experience was definitely insightful as an outsider to better understand the totality of the emotional toll this took on them. I mean, I cannot imagine the horror of, after desperately hoping to become pregnant, becoming so with another person's child that you have to give away after enduring an entire pregnancy. But then, the religious aspect was also frustrating, as the Catholic stance is that these fertility treatments are immoral. No one dealing with infertility wants to hear that. (And trust me, I had a friend tell me that once...)
Overall this was a well-done book for anyone interested in more details about the situation. I will say as a note for those dealing with infertility to just be aware of whether you really want to spend that much time reading about pregnancy and babies etc. I think I overestimated my "okay-ness" with it and by the end I was definitely looking forward to a complete escape from the topic!
Taken from my blog at
July 15, 2012
The subject matter of the book was what attracted me to it. However I felt that either the writing or delivery was poor. While I assumed I would have strong feelings of empathy for the couple I really didn't connect with them and I've struggled to figure out why. I'm not a religious person so their choice of IVF didn't and doesn't affect my viewpoint (I'd be a supporter of that choice). I do value honesty but I suppose I was looking for them to have an epiphany about the situation and see some positives. Their claim about giving a "gift of life" seemed empty and like they were seeking validation and their proclamations about not wanting to go public seemed equally false. While I dont think they started with that intention (going public) I also dont feel like they owned the decision in the end. Back to the emotion of the book, I think it's missing introspection, growth and depth. It wasn't until i read the unofficial companion book "Misconception" by the genetic mother that I was able to feel for Carolyn.It was at this point that I related her experience to mine, giving birth to a stillborn in my third trimester, bonding with a child and then having to leave the hospital with empty arms... Perhaps they both would have been better off to write a book together with alternating chapters of their experience?
August 19, 2022
What a bizarre story! One of the craziest and worst medical mistakes I’ve ever heard of! This couple tried IVF as they wanted one more baby, but the wrong embryos were put in her and she gave birth to someone else’s child!😳 The authors were very transparent with the range of emotions they felt throughout the whole process. They gave the baby to the biological parents and were able to see him some as he grew.
The authors are Catholic and did refer to their faith some, but you could tell they did not have a solid foundation in a personal relationship with Jesus. There was some language and the story ended in a depressing way. I feel like they wrote this book as a shock factor as there is no message of hope or victory through a hard situation.
The authors are Catholic and did refer to their faith some, but you could tell they did not have a solid foundation in a personal relationship with Jesus. There was some language and the story ended in a depressing way. I feel like they wrote this book as a shock factor as there is no message of hope or victory through a hard situation.
June 3, 2014
I read this over about a 12-15 hour period and both this and the book by the bio mom in 30 hours both.
My heart goes out to the savages. I understand peoples feeling like their boys should've been enough but they wanted a bigger family from the beginning and tho not every moment of the book is about that I feel it came through that they were throughout the pregnancy with Logan still very involved with their sons and their baby girl. Many of us aren't at our very best when not feeling good during parts of pregnancy and there was a second parent to step in at those times here. If expecting their own child as should have been that can happen and Due to the extreme situation it's only human that they'd be somewhat distracted at times. Their honesty on their moments of extreme upset (incl that they felt they weren't always as in the moment during this time with their kids) do not discount all the sporting events and family dinners and all that involves caring for kids of all ages but I'm quite sure they still did all of that. It just was not the main theme of the book.
Of course they may not inspire the same sympathy as a couple desperately trying for their first child BUT they were financially stable, older now and came from big families. They loved that tho they didn't have 4-6 kids close in age as intended their sons were and had ea other as playmates, and they wanted the same for MK their little girl as the boys were near teens by now. I think they had every right to proceed and I also believe of course they had every right to the expectation that they'd be implanted with THEIR own embryos.
I felt bad that there was a layer of distrust or whatever the correct wording is between the moms but I think whether Shannons messages were intended to be off putting or not, again this book is an HONEST telling and Carolyn Savage is human (she did a miraculous thing and showed a graceful face to the world; in the books she tells us how HARD that was; if she was going for sainthood as has been suggested then she'd make it sound easy; again she never asked to be a surrogate ) and I think any of us in this boat would be jealous and upset that this other woman while clearly a victim in her own right on a few fronts thx to the mix up was still ultimately getting a very positive end from this pregnancy whereas the Savages were getting accolades they never cared to have but no child they did care to have and plenty of emptiness and heartache.
To be honest even though reading Misconception (which I also sped thru after this book but felt more rushed in the putting together of than this loving and thorough telling as if the Morrells just wanted to get it out that they aren't the bad guys) helped me sort of get some of Shannon's POV a little better and where she was coming from...I still felt for the Savages more. Not that the Morrells aren't like able people and not that they weren't dealt a rough 9 months and loss of being pregnant but the concerns once they'd been told the pregnancy would be continued such as miscarriage concerns are ones we all have with each pregnancy and though it would've been nice if the savages had felt up to chatting more and getting close sooner and I understand that may have alleviated some of their issues, the fact is the savages were going through a trauma the worst of which they knew was yet to be...while the Morrells knew that once these months of worry were over that there arms and hearts would be fuller for it and since they're eternally grateful they should I feel also be understanding of just how hard this was for the birth parents.
At one point Paul gives Shannon a msg in their book that the savages "have no desire to fight for custody" and I think that was whether from the Savages word for word or misquoted I think some problems stem from their possible misunderstanding of that sentence. They had the desire and would've happily kept the baby but I'm sure it meant they weren't going to try to fight for/kidnap another couples child that they WANTED. Of course if Carolyn and Sean had been up for closer contact sooner I think they may have ended up seeing Logan more that first year after his birth but they were bottom line all four just good just normal people dealing with this nightmare thrust upon them day by day and hindsight is always 20/20. I think the Savages to return fully to their story rose to the occasion far better than most of us would have and Logan is a very blessed little boy.
I was happy to see a somewhat more recent interview with the Savage family and to know that aside from a spoiler I won't say here that has me double tickled pink for them that they looked happier and at peace. I wish them many years of happy family life and tons of grandchildren one day. I feel better as a person for just reading about them.
My heart goes out to the savages. I understand peoples feeling like their boys should've been enough but they wanted a bigger family from the beginning and tho not every moment of the book is about that I feel it came through that they were throughout the pregnancy with Logan still very involved with their sons and their baby girl. Many of us aren't at our very best when not feeling good during parts of pregnancy and there was a second parent to step in at those times here. If expecting their own child as should have been that can happen and Due to the extreme situation it's only human that they'd be somewhat distracted at times. Their honesty on their moments of extreme upset (incl that they felt they weren't always as in the moment during this time with their kids) do not discount all the sporting events and family dinners and all that involves caring for kids of all ages but I'm quite sure they still did all of that. It just was not the main theme of the book.
Of course they may not inspire the same sympathy as a couple desperately trying for their first child BUT they were financially stable, older now and came from big families. They loved that tho they didn't have 4-6 kids close in age as intended their sons were and had ea other as playmates, and they wanted the same for MK their little girl as the boys were near teens by now. I think they had every right to proceed and I also believe of course they had every right to the expectation that they'd be implanted with THEIR own embryos.
I felt bad that there was a layer of distrust or whatever the correct wording is between the moms but I think whether Shannons messages were intended to be off putting or not, again this book is an HONEST telling and Carolyn Savage is human (she did a miraculous thing and showed a graceful face to the world; in the books she tells us how HARD that was; if she was going for sainthood as has been suggested then she'd make it sound easy; again she never asked to be a surrogate ) and I think any of us in this boat would be jealous and upset that this other woman while clearly a victim in her own right on a few fronts thx to the mix up was still ultimately getting a very positive end from this pregnancy whereas the Savages were getting accolades they never cared to have but no child they did care to have and plenty of emptiness and heartache.
To be honest even though reading Misconception (which I also sped thru after this book but felt more rushed in the putting together of than this loving and thorough telling as if the Morrells just wanted to get it out that they aren't the bad guys) helped me sort of get some of Shannon's POV a little better and where she was coming from...I still felt for the Savages more. Not that the Morrells aren't like able people and not that they weren't dealt a rough 9 months and loss of being pregnant but the concerns once they'd been told the pregnancy would be continued such as miscarriage concerns are ones we all have with each pregnancy and though it would've been nice if the savages had felt up to chatting more and getting close sooner and I understand that may have alleviated some of their issues, the fact is the savages were going through a trauma the worst of which they knew was yet to be...while the Morrells knew that once these months of worry were over that there arms and hearts would be fuller for it and since they're eternally grateful they should I feel also be understanding of just how hard this was for the birth parents.
At one point Paul gives Shannon a msg in their book that the savages "have no desire to fight for custody" and I think that was whether from the Savages word for word or misquoted I think some problems stem from their possible misunderstanding of that sentence. They had the desire and would've happily kept the baby but I'm sure it meant they weren't going to try to fight for/kidnap another couples child that they WANTED. Of course if Carolyn and Sean had been up for closer contact sooner I think they may have ended up seeing Logan more that first year after his birth but they were bottom line all four just good just normal people dealing with this nightmare thrust upon them day by day and hindsight is always 20/20. I think the Savages to return fully to their story rose to the occasion far better than most of us would have and Logan is a very blessed little boy.
I was happy to see a somewhat more recent interview with the Savage family and to know that aside from a spoiler I won't say here that has me double tickled pink for them that they looked happier and at peace. I wish them many years of happy family life and tons of grandchildren one day. I feel better as a person for just reading about them.
March 2, 2011
I'm at a loss as to what to say about this book, this story, everything. I keep thinking about when I, and others, say "I can imagine" and "I can't imagine". We don't really mean that most of the time do we?
I literally can't imagine having to deal with what the Savages have dealt with and are still dealing and will always be dealing with.
I'm not one of the most likely many people who think it's over because Logan is gone. I understand - it'll never be over.
Maybe it takes someone who has dealt with infertility and who lives his or her life totally around their child(ren). I don't know.
I consider myself a pretty good judge of character and the Savages seemed nothing if not truthful. Whether they made them look good or not-so-good, I do believe they were truthful throughout the book.
I think in the end, in some ways, they're very lucky people. They have an extremely - and I do definitely mean extremely - wide circle of support for one thing. They're family and friends rallied around them in the truest sense.
I'm Catholic, I was raised in the faith and am raising my daughter Catholic. It saddens me, has for some time, a number of their "views". I agree with the Savages one hundred percent on their views of IVF. Maybe this will lead to some changes. Maybe, maybe not. ;)
Speaking of maybe, maybe not. The Savages should be thanked for including that story so... thank you if you ever happen to read this. That story, as simple as it is, needs to be shared. It really puts things in perspective and it can be a great help to many people I think.
I hope that if another baby is something they still want, I hope that wish comes true. From what I read they deserve it.
Logan will know. No matter what happens with the Morrell's. Even if you never see Logan again until he's an adult, he will know. This knowledge is out in this world know and he will know. You've made your feelings known. Maybe that can help to ease the suffering just a tiny bit.
I am going to read . I'm not sure how I'll feel about it, their side of the story, or them in particular. I'm able to relate with Carolyn and Sean much, much more I think. But I'll go in with an open mind, like always, and see what I think.
I hope the feel better knowing they've almost definitely helped another family or families to avoid this very same situation. Another family may not have been so strong. Another family may have been torn apart instead of becoming stronger than ever. (That's not to say the Savages deserved this because they're strong. I trust people will be able to know what I mean by that.)
I also agree that the entire clinic, every single person from the highest to the lowest there, that was involved in the Savages process are to blame. They caused a great, great deal of hurt and pain for a great many people. And all because of laziness. We trust our medical community far too much. They're human too but that doesn't mean we can't demand checks and rechecks. Hopefully this will lead to people being more careful in all medical areas. I know I will be.
I wish the Savages and their family much luck. They certainly deserve it.
I literally can't imagine having to deal with what the Savages have dealt with and are still dealing and will always be dealing with.
I'm not one of the most likely many people who think it's over because Logan is gone. I understand - it'll never be over.
Maybe it takes someone who has dealt with infertility and who lives his or her life totally around their child(ren). I don't know.
I consider myself a pretty good judge of character and the Savages seemed nothing if not truthful. Whether they made them look good or not-so-good, I do believe they were truthful throughout the book.
I think in the end, in some ways, they're very lucky people. They have an extremely - and I do definitely mean extremely - wide circle of support for one thing. They're family and friends rallied around them in the truest sense.
I'm Catholic, I was raised in the faith and am raising my daughter Catholic. It saddens me, has for some time, a number of their "views". I agree with the Savages one hundred percent on their views of IVF. Maybe this will lead to some changes. Maybe, maybe not. ;)
Speaking of maybe, maybe not. The Savages should be thanked for including that story so... thank you if you ever happen to read this. That story, as simple as it is, needs to be shared. It really puts things in perspective and it can be a great help to many people I think.
I hope that if another baby is something they still want, I hope that wish comes true. From what I read they deserve it.
Logan will know. No matter what happens with the Morrell's. Even if you never see Logan again until he's an adult, he will know. This knowledge is out in this world know and he will know. You've made your feelings known. Maybe that can help to ease the suffering just a tiny bit.
I am going to read . I'm not sure how I'll feel about it, their side of the story, or them in particular. I'm able to relate with Carolyn and Sean much, much more I think. But I'll go in with an open mind, like always, and see what I think.
I hope the feel better knowing they've almost definitely helped another family or families to avoid this very same situation. Another family may not have been so strong. Another family may have been torn apart instead of becoming stronger than ever. (That's not to say the Savages deserved this because they're strong. I trust people will be able to know what I mean by that.)
I also agree that the entire clinic, every single person from the highest to the lowest there, that was involved in the Savages process are to blame. They caused a great, great deal of hurt and pain for a great many people. And all because of laziness. We trust our medical community far too much. They're human too but that doesn't mean we can't demand checks and rechecks. Hopefully this will lead to people being more careful in all medical areas. I know I will be.
I wish the Savages and their family much luck. They certainly deserve it.
June 27, 2014
It is hard to rate this type of book. I can't say that I loved it or hated it, so I think a 3 is safe.
This audio brought out many strong reactions, so many that I had to keep track on a slip of paper. So here they are, in no particular order.
One thing that really bothered me throughout was that the Savages, being devout Catholics, would completely disregard their churches stance on IVF. Whether or not the Catholic church is right or wrong on this issue is irrelevant. I kept wondering how they could continue to be a part of a church who is completely against something that is so important to them. Why not even consider another denomination?
Another thing that really bothered me was that after complications with baby 2, why risk another pregnancy? Is the desire for another baby more important than her sons need for a mother? Then after baby 3, they want to do it again. Baby 3 spends a month in the NICU, so again I ask, is the desire for another baby more important than the health of baby 4? AND then there's the elephant in the room, ADOPTION! Wasn't it worth a discussion? I do understand their desire to give all of their embryos a chance, so why not hire a surrogate, why did it have to be Carolyn?
After Carolyn is told about the mistake, I genuinely felt sad for her. I think her feelings and reactions were completely understandable. Of course she was unreasonable, judgmental, and emotional too, but who wouldn't be? I will definitely be reading Misconception by the Morells to get their point of view of what must have been an equally difficult situation.
My hope is that the two families have found common ground and that a friendship has evolved.
Over all, I think the Savages told their story well. I liked the alternating point of views. I felt like I was sitting down and listening to them tell their story.
A note about the audio:
Narrators Cassandra Campbell & Danny Campbell were familiar voices who gave emotion to the Savage's words. B+
This audio brought out many strong reactions, so many that I had to keep track on a slip of paper. So here they are, in no particular order.
One thing that really bothered me throughout was that the Savages, being devout Catholics, would completely disregard their churches stance on IVF. Whether or not the Catholic church is right or wrong on this issue is irrelevant. I kept wondering how they could continue to be a part of a church who is completely against something that is so important to them. Why not even consider another denomination?
Another thing that really bothered me was that after complications with baby 2, why risk another pregnancy? Is the desire for another baby more important than her sons need for a mother? Then after baby 3, they want to do it again. Baby 3 spends a month in the NICU, so again I ask, is the desire for another baby more important than the health of baby 4? AND then there's the elephant in the room, ADOPTION! Wasn't it worth a discussion? I do understand their desire to give all of their embryos a chance, so why not hire a surrogate, why did it have to be Carolyn?
After Carolyn is told about the mistake, I genuinely felt sad for her. I think her feelings and reactions were completely understandable. Of course she was unreasonable, judgmental, and emotional too, but who wouldn't be? I will definitely be reading Misconception by the Morells to get their point of view of what must have been an equally difficult situation.
My hope is that the two families have found common ground and that a friendship has evolved.
Over all, I think the Savages told their story well. I liked the alternating point of views. I felt like I was sitting down and listening to them tell their story.
A note about the audio:
Narrators Cassandra Campbell & Danny Campbell were familiar voices who gave emotion to the Savage's words. B+
March 7, 2011
I wish I could give this book more than three stars, as the story itself was incredibly sad and I do absolutely feel for the Savage family. I just don't feel like I could get lost in the book, it didn't grab me. I guess you could say, I could put it down.
Keeping in mind I live in Australia and hadn't heard of this story, so I didn't know exactly what the outcome was going to be; There were a few spoilers at the beginning of the book which may have contributed to why I felt I couldn't engage in the Savage's story. Those being that in the prologue they say 'We have three children. Or do we have four?'. When the Savages hired a surrogate I knew immediately that it wouldn't be a success as I could remember reading that they only had three children. This was a total let down as the suspense was ruined and contributed to why I couldn't immerse myself in the story.
Another spoiler was when the Savages had the DNA test, I was clinging to hope that just maybe the baby was theirs, but soon after the DNA test is taken the book has pictures of the DNA test results, so I saw them before I actually got to read about the results. Obviously as the reader you're pretty sure the results would be negative but I still would have preferred to learn that through the natural course of the book, hence why it’s hard to be engrossed in the story.
Perhaps this book was written for all of those people who followed the story from beginning to end and wanted a closer look into the lives of the Savage family. It is an easy read and it's not hard to feel sympathy for this family. They did a great thing and deserve all the happiness in the world.
I just can't help but imagine what would have happened if Carolyn's birth date hadn't been printed incorrectly and the mistake wasn't picked up for who knows how long. Now THAT would be a good book!
Keeping in mind I live in Australia and hadn't heard of this story, so I didn't know exactly what the outcome was going to be; There were a few spoilers at the beginning of the book which may have contributed to why I felt I couldn't engage in the Savage's story. Those being that in the prologue they say 'We have three children. Or do we have four?'. When the Savages hired a surrogate I knew immediately that it wouldn't be a success as I could remember reading that they only had three children. This was a total let down as the suspense was ruined and contributed to why I couldn't immerse myself in the story.
Another spoiler was when the Savages had the DNA test, I was clinging to hope that just maybe the baby was theirs, but soon after the DNA test is taken the book has pictures of the DNA test results, so I saw them before I actually got to read about the results. Obviously as the reader you're pretty sure the results would be negative but I still would have preferred to learn that through the natural course of the book, hence why it’s hard to be engrossed in the story.
Perhaps this book was written for all of those people who followed the story from beginning to end and wanted a closer look into the lives of the Savage family. It is an easy read and it's not hard to feel sympathy for this family. They did a great thing and deserve all the happiness in the world.
I just can't help but imagine what would have happened if Carolyn's birth date hadn't been printed incorrectly and the mistake wasn't picked up for who knows how long. Now THAT would be a good book!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 25, 2016
I should start by saying I'm a pro-science atheist. I think IVF is a wonderful modern-day answer to infertility. How lucky the Savages were to not only live in a time where this option exists, but to be able to afford several rounds of it.
The Savages had two children naturally, though the experiences were difficult, and a few miscarriages. Then they started trying IVF. I have no qualms with people wanting big families. That is their prerogative and they should feel free to use any means at their disposal to achieve their goal. However, the Savages are (supposedly) Catholic. The church is very clear on its stance against "unnatural" conception. I was immediately turned off by their blatant disregard to this fact. This inconsistency in views is something we see over and over again...people just making up their beliefs as they go along. And hey, there is nothing wrong with it, that's what I do as an atheist. I'm not tied to any particular philosophy, religious text, or interpretation. So why they feel they should strap themselves to a set of beliefs they clearly don't prescribe to is beyond me and I can't respect it. Believe what you believe, not what the church tells you to, and don't feel like you need to apologize to the world for it!
Now the writing itself was tolerable, but it droned on and on with way too many mundane, uninteresting details. The whole book could've been condensed to maybe 50-100 pages. Perhaps they should've done the book in conjunction with the bio mother (I haven't read hers). That would've offered a more succinct and yet still fuller picture of the situation. I also felt Carolyn was super whiny, as others have said. I understand she was in a tough, almost unimaginable, situation, so it says a lot that she was able to inspire so little sympathy from readers.
In short, I do not recommend this book.
The Savages had two children naturally, though the experiences were difficult, and a few miscarriages. Then they started trying IVF. I have no qualms with people wanting big families. That is their prerogative and they should feel free to use any means at their disposal to achieve their goal. However, the Savages are (supposedly) Catholic. The church is very clear on its stance against "unnatural" conception. I was immediately turned off by their blatant disregard to this fact. This inconsistency in views is something we see over and over again...people just making up their beliefs as they go along. And hey, there is nothing wrong with it, that's what I do as an atheist. I'm not tied to any particular philosophy, religious text, or interpretation. So why they feel they should strap themselves to a set of beliefs they clearly don't prescribe to is beyond me and I can't respect it. Believe what you believe, not what the church tells you to, and don't feel like you need to apologize to the world for it!
Now the writing itself was tolerable, but it droned on and on with way too many mundane, uninteresting details. The whole book could've been condensed to maybe 50-100 pages. Perhaps they should've done the book in conjunction with the bio mother (I haven't read hers). That would've offered a more succinct and yet still fuller picture of the situation. I also felt Carolyn was super whiny, as others have said. I understand she was in a tough, almost unimaginable, situation, so it says a lot that she was able to inspire so little sympathy from readers.
In short, I do not recommend this book.
July 29, 2015
I remember seeing this book when it first came out and being slightly heartbroken by the idea of it. It's about a couple who gets pregnancy with IVF only to find that the wrong baby was implanted. At the time I wasn't even married but was deadly afraid about getting pregnant in the future and the idea that something like that could happen absolutely horrified me.
Clearly this book left an impression, which is why 4 years later I remembered it and decided to read it. Turns out that this was a book I couldn't put down and sped through because I had to know exactly how everything developed.
At several parts through the book Carolyn mentions the support she received from her online friends. Maybe it's something a lot of people wouldn't get, but knowing the friendships I've made through blogging I really appreciated hearing this experience.
This book prompted interesting discussions between the boy and I something I wouldn't have expected. It's definitely a book that makes you think how you'd react in a similar situation. But also one that makes you grateful for all the little blessings you currently have.
Out of curiosity I did google to couple the find that they have a blog of their own. But even more impressive is that since this book has been published they've gone on to have twins through surrogacy, plus another baby boy conceived naturally who is about the age of Elley.
There is also a book written by the other family involved in the medical mishap, and while I imagine that one will have a different feel, I've already ordered my copy and can't wait to read it as well.
5/5
Clearly this book left an impression, which is why 4 years later I remembered it and decided to read it. Turns out that this was a book I couldn't put down and sped through because I had to know exactly how everything developed.
At several parts through the book Carolyn mentions the support she received from her online friends. Maybe it's something a lot of people wouldn't get, but knowing the friendships I've made through blogging I really appreciated hearing this experience.
This book prompted interesting discussions between the boy and I something I wouldn't have expected. It's definitely a book that makes you think how you'd react in a similar situation. But also one that makes you grateful for all the little blessings you currently have.
Out of curiosity I did google to couple the find that they have a blog of their own. But even more impressive is that since this book has been published they've gone on to have twins through surrogacy, plus another baby boy conceived naturally who is about the age of Elley.
There is also a book written by the other family involved in the medical mishap, and while I imagine that one will have a different feel, I've already ordered my copy and can't wait to read it as well.
5/5
April 7, 2011
I am normally not drawn to non fiction but something about this just called to me. Carolyn and Sean Savage have three children. Their youngest was conceived through IFV. In February 2009 they decided to use IFV again. Carolyn had struggled with her pregnancies in the past and they waited anxiously for the call from their fertility doctor with the news they were pregnant. The call they received was anything but good news-they were pregnant but with another couple's child. The clinic implanted the wrong embryos. The Savages, who are strong Catholics, had three choices: they could terminate the pregnancy, carry it to term and give the child to its genetic parents or carry it to term and fight for custody. They only choice they felt they could make was to carry the baby to term and give it to its genetic parents.
The story is well written and while it seems like there is some material "added" to draw the story out, it isn't too distracting. This story is told from the point of view of the Savages, who were dealing with a range of emotions, ones I can't even begin to imagine. Having said that, the genetic mother is portrayed as a bit annoying and self centered. I don't have the grace that Carolyn did to not call her out on her behavior or how insensitive she appeared to be.
In the afterword, Carolyn details how the mistake was first made. But there were two errors that occured, the first one lead to the wrong embryos being implanted and the second error lead to the clinic discovering the mistake.
The story is well written and while it seems like there is some material "added" to draw the story out, it isn't too distracting. This story is told from the point of view of the Savages, who were dealing with a range of emotions, ones I can't even begin to imagine. Having said that, the genetic mother is portrayed as a bit annoying and self centered. I don't have the grace that Carolyn did to not call her out on her behavior or how insensitive she appeared to be.
In the afterword, Carolyn details how the mistake was first made. But there were two errors that occured, the first one lead to the wrong embryos being implanted and the second error lead to the clinic discovering the mistake.
March 24, 2012
The story here is horribly amazing. A couple who has struggled with infertility and life-threatening pregnancies goes in for a final IVF treatment, get pregnant, and then discover that the clinic messed up big time and they are carrying someone else's baby. A true story, I was just shocked that something like this could happen and I applaud the Savages for their choice to carry the baby and then give him to his biological parents. What a hard and heart-wrenching thing. While the story is compelling and absorbing, I just didn't love the book. I guess I wanted more triumph through faith in the face of impossible odds and what they gave was more honest trauma and heartache. Which is fine. This is their story and their emotions (which they describe with such honesty and rawness). It just wasn't quite what I was expecting and I found myself skimming towards the end. Maybe I just couldn't handle it, I don't know. I would be interested in reading the book written by the biological mother since I feel like there may be more to her side then is presented in this book.
December 17, 2012
This is the true story of how one couple’s frozen embryos were mistakenly implanted into another woman during IVF treatments. What an unbelievable nightmare!
Both couples subsequently wrote books detailing their ordeals: “Misconception� which was the biological parent’s account, and “Inconceivable� the story of the family who carried the baby to term and “gave it back� to the biological parents as soon as it was born.
I read both books back to back and I would recommend that anyone interested in this fascinating story do the same. Their accounts are riveting and hearing the same story from both camps is engrossing. Emotions really do colour people’s recollection of shared events and this is proof of that fact!
It’s an awful situation for everyone involved, but having read both books, in my personal opinion I am left with more compassion for the woman who carried the baby and had to ultimately give it up than I did for the biological mother� but Lord only knows how I would feel if I was ever in their shoes!
Both couples subsequently wrote books detailing their ordeals: “Misconception� which was the biological parent’s account, and “Inconceivable� the story of the family who carried the baby to term and “gave it back� to the biological parents as soon as it was born.
I read both books back to back and I would recommend that anyone interested in this fascinating story do the same. Their accounts are riveting and hearing the same story from both camps is engrossing. Emotions really do colour people’s recollection of shared events and this is proof of that fact!
It’s an awful situation for everyone involved, but having read both books, in my personal opinion I am left with more compassion for the woman who carried the baby and had to ultimately give it up than I did for the biological mother� but Lord only knows how I would feel if I was ever in their shoes!
July 22, 2011
This was a quick read. I really wanted to like this book, but the Savages' attitudes kept getting in the way of my really enjoying it. I have nothing but respect and admiration for their decision and unselfishness to give Loagn life. The thing that really got me was the fact that they blamed everyone else and refused to take any responsibility for their first decision to participate in IVF. The Catholic church has a policy against IVF, but they decided to go against their church's teachings and rationalized why they should be an exception. God never makes mistakes, but people do. Thus, by going against their Catholic teachings, and instead letting man participate in creation, they opened themselves up to mistakes. But, they weren't willing to accept responsibility for choosing a method that allowed for mistakes to be made. Instead, it was everyone else's fault but theirs.
January 7, 2015
You get the picture from the synopsis - the remaining 300+ pages are just detail. Their very Catholic stance was what kept them going through the ordeal and hence a big part of the book. It's also unfortunately kind of boring if you don't believe the same thing. Their writing style also made it clear this isn't normally what they do (writing), so luckily the story itself was compelling, otherwise I probably would have quit reading.
I guess the thing that rubbed me wrong was how early on they were afraid the other couple would turn the whole thing over to the tabloids for a quick buck... And yet, that's exactly what the Savages did! They say it was so that nobody else has to go through what they did, but come on. They should have edited that part out then. Or explained better why they were publishing the book.
I guess the thing that rubbed me wrong was how early on they were afraid the other couple would turn the whole thing over to the tabloids for a quick buck... And yet, that's exactly what the Savages did! They say it was so that nobody else has to go through what they did, but come on. They should have edited that part out then. Or explained better why they were publishing the book.
June 2, 2014
Inconceivable will go down in my book as one of the most intriguing, memorable, informative, heart wrenching reads.
This is Carolyn & Sean Savage's story of an IVF pregnancy that they prayed about for so long. There was a mix up with the embryos and Carolyn is pregnant with another couple's child. They decide to keep the baby and give the ultimate gift of life to the family who had also been praying about this baby for so long.
They did a wonderful job portraying their side of the story. Carolyn is very authentic and real even through those moments that she is not proud of, that is what I loved most about the story. You really begin to realize through the book that they are a real family just like you & I who have their own problems, but ultimately they have their faith in God & family that carries them through the tough times.
This is Carolyn & Sean Savage's story of an IVF pregnancy that they prayed about for so long. There was a mix up with the embryos and Carolyn is pregnant with another couple's child. They decide to keep the baby and give the ultimate gift of life to the family who had also been praying about this baby for so long.
They did a wonderful job portraying their side of the story. Carolyn is very authentic and real even through those moments that she is not proud of, that is what I loved most about the story. You really begin to realize through the book that they are a real family just like you & I who have their own problems, but ultimately they have their faith in God & family that carries them through the tough times.
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February 11, 2013I first saw this story on Dateline and I felt so bad for them but was really impressed how they handled such a difficult situation. They had such love for this baby even though they knew they were going to lose him. I really was not to impressed with the genetic parents I thought they were a little self absorbed I dont think they really ever thought about how hard it was for this couple to do what they did. She gave birth to a baby that she knew the whole time she would never take home. But just last month Dateline had a followup on this couple and they now have twin girls so I am so happy for them! It is a very good read.
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