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To Be Real: Telling the Truth and Changing the Face of Feminism
A revolutionary exploration of the nature of feminism today, its impact on everyday life, and its promise for the future.
Ìý
Determined to extend the boundaries of feminism to embrace social, political and economic equality for all humanity, these exciting young activists and thinkers recast the concepts of feminism to reflect their own experiences and beliefs. Inspired by activist and writer Rebecca Walker, they speak out, challenging many of their own assumptions about the women's movement and demanding that readers recognize a new relationship between the personal and the political.
Ìý
Black and white, male and female, gay and straight, they fearlessly describe their liberation from the feminist ideals that conflict with the reality of who they are, expose shocking secrets, and acknowledge long-hidden accommodations and anomalies.
Ìý
Determined to extend the boundaries of feminism to embrace social, political and economic equality for all humanity, these exciting young activists and thinkers recast the concepts of feminism to reflect their own experiences and beliefs. Inspired by activist and writer Rebecca Walker, they speak out, challenging many of their own assumptions about the women's movement and demanding that readers recognize a new relationship between the personal and the political.
Ìý
Black and white, male and female, gay and straight, they fearlessly describe their liberation from the feminist ideals that conflict with the reality of who they are, expose shocking secrets, and acknowledge long-hidden accommodations and anomalies.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
June 14, 2021
The greatest gift we can give one another is the power to make a choice. The power to choose is even more important than the choices we make.
(from the foreword by gloria steinem)
as with any anthology, some pieces are stronger than others, but i really enjoyed this collection. rebecca walker coined the term "third wave," and these essays are largely about the authors making sense of their roles in that new wave of the mid-90s, embracing ambiguity, and challenging the "feminist status quo" with their complicated, intersectional lives. it's a book about being real.
walker mentions in her introduction that many of the pieces are in conversation with one another. i did find that the essays all vibe together really nicely, which is valuable in an anthology. and 25 years later, certain parts are somewhat dated, but others are as relevant as ever.
some of my favorite essays include:
to be real, the title essay by danzy senna, which is about reconciling her mixed race identity with her quest for authenticity. it's deeply personal, and i think it's a great primer on authenticity.
identity politics by jennifer allyn and david allyn, a dual essay which discusses their dilemma about choosing a surname for their family. they talk about how hyphenating means leaving their indecision for the next generation to deal with, and they eventually choose a blended name that feels right for them.
beauty laid bare: aesthetics in the ordinary by bell hooks, which is about the healing power of aesthetics. "this symbol of luxury was a balm to a depressed and wounded spirit." hooks is impressive as always, touching on the dangers of unethical consumption while speaking to the power of appreciating material beauty.
Learning to see and appreciate the presence of beauty is an act of resistance in a culture of domination that recognizes the production of a pervasive feeling of lack, both materially and spiritually, is a useful colonizing strategy.
testimony of a naked woman by jocelyn taylor, which is about her experience as a black woman in the sex industry, and later, her attempt to cultivate a safe space for public toplessness.
An army of women is a force that will not lie on its back passively while others eroticize and differentiate. I dream about armies because it's scary to stand up alone and in small numbers. I need a haven where I know that I'm okay and protected. In this war, I will watch your back if you will watch mine.
May 15, 2013
I appreciate this anthology so much. As a black feminist I find "problematic" things I enjoy in my life and before reading this anthology, I thought there was a need to abstain or purge myself from these things- which is the furthest thing from the truth. I am informed enough to enjoy what I enjoy and still be a feminist. It is all part of my individual experience.
January 31, 2011
We live in a tricky time as feminists, when in one hand the lives of women and men are full of choices (and feminism was/is all about choices), but it is also a time when I hear the question, "Are you a feminist?" a lot less than I used to hear it. On one hand, feminism is alive everywhere, but on the another, the word itself seems to be slowly withering with the passage of time.
Now that I'm taking a Women's Rhetoric class for my graduate degree, I'm able to take some time reflecting on the extent feminism is still at work today. These essays, which I thoroughly enjoyed for their diversity and strength and lack of shame, blow open the question, "What is a feminist?" These essays remind me that feminism has done a tremendous lot for our world--and certainly my life. They fire me up. I'm empowered by the fact that three men are included. I'm happy to see my experience reflected in several of the essays--both those written by men and by women. These essays make me wonder what "To Be Real" (which was released in 1995) would look like if it was published in 2009.
I like to believe an updated version of the anthology today would be equally vibrant, continually challenging and questioning the world we live in. As long as we keep giving birth to young boys and young girls who we love with all of our selves, feminism is necessary...because, like bell hooks has said, "Feminism is about love."
I'm thankful for what feminism has done for my life, and Walker's anthology has me wondering what my contribution might be...
Now that I'm taking a Women's Rhetoric class for my graduate degree, I'm able to take some time reflecting on the extent feminism is still at work today. These essays, which I thoroughly enjoyed for their diversity and strength and lack of shame, blow open the question, "What is a feminist?" These essays remind me that feminism has done a tremendous lot for our world--and certainly my life. They fire me up. I'm empowered by the fact that three men are included. I'm happy to see my experience reflected in several of the essays--both those written by men and by women. These essays make me wonder what "To Be Real" (which was released in 1995) would look like if it was published in 2009.
I like to believe an updated version of the anthology today would be equally vibrant, continually challenging and questioning the world we live in. As long as we keep giving birth to young boys and young girls who we love with all of our selves, feminism is necessary...because, like bell hooks has said, "Feminism is about love."
I'm thankful for what feminism has done for my life, and Walker's anthology has me wondering what my contribution might be...
February 11, 2013
Picked this up at Busboys and Poets on a whim - because I can't be trusted to 'kill time' at a bookstore, okay?
An essay collection by a diverse mix of writers, trying to address the diversity of feminism today. The most interesting point was made in one of the introductory essays (or possibly a concluding one?) talking about the collection as a whole. I don't recall which 'big name' feminist was writing, but the point was made that older 2nd wave feminists see some of the 'reactionary' responses to feminist history to be a little silly. Younger women assume that they can't wear lipstick or have kids and still be feminist, and that's more of an issue with the mainstream portrayal of feminism than the movement itself. That was something I could really relate to, and much of the book seemed to be various women protesting that 'I can do X and still be feminist!' That realization started to feel stale after the first few times, but I did appreciate the contrasting essays that were included in the collection.
I would say this was a solid collection of essays, but I can't really think of many that stood out as particularly new or unique. I did appreciate that there were a few essays by men included since that's a perspective rarely heard. I also wish more information about the authors were included before each essay rather than just at the end. I can appreciate how not knowing the race or gender or sexuality of an author can help with understanding the universality of the statements, but I think context can also help. Sort of a tough call.
An essay collection by a diverse mix of writers, trying to address the diversity of feminism today. The most interesting point was made in one of the introductory essays (or possibly a concluding one?) talking about the collection as a whole. I don't recall which 'big name' feminist was writing, but the point was made that older 2nd wave feminists see some of the 'reactionary' responses to feminist history to be a little silly. Younger women assume that they can't wear lipstick or have kids and still be feminist, and that's more of an issue with the mainstream portrayal of feminism than the movement itself. That was something I could really relate to, and much of the book seemed to be various women protesting that 'I can do X and still be feminist!' That realization started to feel stale after the first few times, but I did appreciate the contrasting essays that were included in the collection.
I would say this was a solid collection of essays, but I can't really think of many that stood out as particularly new or unique. I did appreciate that there were a few essays by men included since that's a perspective rarely heard. I also wish more information about the authors were included before each essay rather than just at the end. I can appreciate how not knowing the race or gender or sexuality of an author can help with understanding the universality of the statements, but I think context can also help. Sort of a tough call.
Read
July 6, 2020 "The essay “Virtual Identity�, by Mocha Jean Herrup, is included in a compilation of essays called “to be real�, edited by Rebecca Walker. The essays are written by women of various races, sexual orientations from various socioeconomic backgrounds reflecting on their experiences and, ultimately, relationship with and thoughts on ‘feminism� as it has played out in their lives, shaped their experiences, and/or changed their perspectives. “Virtual Identity� struck me as particularly relevant to the larger mission of CTEP, as the author describes how cyberspace, via online chat rooms and what one might call MMORPGs (massive multiplayer online role-playing games) allowed her to explore and come to terms with her sexual orientation and gender identity- namely the ‘ambiguous� nature of these aspects of her identity. Herrup came out as a lesbian at 19 and, “filled with self-hatred and revulsion�, threw herself into activism and the social opportunities around her to explore this- to surround herself with people like her and to affirm that “being a lesbian was ok� (240). To seek some form of solidity in her identity at this time, Herrup rejected any thoughts about her sexuality and gender identity as something ambiguous, fluid, and uncertain, “learning to love her label� (240) in order to accept herself. However, despite this step towards self-acceptance and self-love, she struggles with feelings and experiences that lead her question this fixed lesbian identity, such as being attracted to trans men and presenting herself as a man in her relationships despite being comfortable also identifying as a woman. As an activist she also worried that there was no political power in such ambiguities.
She begins to embrace this ambiguity and realize its power, however, after immersing herself in what she considers to be ‘new technology� to meet and discuss these issues within a variety of online communities. As she explored this idea of ambiguity as not only acceptable but also potentially politically powerful, she finds that her most intimate community is an electronic one, where she feels free to form relationships where she can research and discuss this issue openly. Physicality, and its markers of identity such as skin color, gender presentation, ability, etc. is not present in cyberspace, and she writes that the “fluidity of identity is thrown into high relief…it was in cyberspace that I discovered an on-line sexuality that questioned my ‘predilections� and asked me to rethink my identity� (241). She finds herself delving into the realm of online cybersex via chat-based MMORPGs, where she finds she can explore multiple identities safely, as well as fluid identities free from gender and sexual constructs. This was particularly striking to me as this is a contentious topic which can be seen as not only taboo in nature due to its sexual nature, but also because any kind of virtual/cybersex is often regarded within mainstream culture as being a perverse way for socially awkward losers who cannot/will not pursue romantic/sexual relationships in “real life� to pursue this and/or vicariously act out sexual behaviors which may be seen as too disgusting or illegal to pursue in real life- i.e. shows such as “to catch a predator� and concerns held by parents, and arguably perpetuated by the media, that their children/teens may be communicating with and forming relationships online with adult child molesters or other online predators posing as children/teens. Herrup addresses this sort of concern held not only by not only those completely removed and opposed to virtual communities such as this, but also by those who partake in them- concerns about people posing as someone who they are not, or what she describes as concerns about the “honesty and morality of ‘gender passing� online� (245) and the threat of “identity predators� (245-46). While child molesters preying on children and teens via ‘identity deception� is clearly unethical and a horrifying misuse of the anonymity of cyberspace, in regards to the exploration of identity by consenting adults, she believes that the concern within online communities about ‘gender passing� is “largely about the fear of being confronted with the fact that one’s sexuality is not as well-defined and unambiguous as one may have thought� (246) along with questioning the idea that attraction is inherently bound to the physical realm.
After coming to terms with her ambiguous identity through the help of cyberspace, Herrup must then contend with how to reconcile this ambiguity with activism, a place where she believes there is no room for ambiguity when trying to push for the rights of a group- because there needs to be solidity in that group, a common cause to rally behind in order to push for policy change within a culture that may be opposed to the rights of that group in the first place, let alone to think about even rejecting the constructs of gender/sexual orientation/etc. Despite this, however, Herrup comes to believe that within the realm of identity politics certainty can actually lead to the internal breakdown of identity politics- or as she writes, “when we realize that not all women think alike, and that differences such as class and race can no longer be sutured over by the ‘certainty� of a common gender? That any kind of identity, no matter if it is an identity of resistance, is also a creation of boundaries?� (247). She calls for the growth of what she calls a ‘politics of ambiguity� along with increased discussion about how this ambiguity can be a political force while also being a force to effect change for people whose oppression is grounded within the identity constructs that this ambiguity seeks to break down. Constructed or not, Herrup acknowledges that these identity constructs are a real force for oppression. She believes that the first political step before policy change is accepting ambiguity on an interpersonal scale- “how we talk to each other and how we relate to each other when there is no group to call out our names� (250). She believes that the more people become comfortable with ambiguity on a day to day basis- with gender neutral bathrooms, with gender neutral pronouns, with fewer awkward questions such as “soooo…does that make you gay?� or “are you still bisexual since you’re married to a man?, etc. will start a broader culture change that may, in time, set a tone for policy change and policy-setting that is more used to and accepting of ambiguous identities. She argues that “accepting this ambiguity is not a political end in itself…but it can provide the agility to make sense of a chaotic world without relying on an oppressive system of static categories� (250).
As digital educators, it is absolutely worth thinking about the critical role internet access and digital literacy can play in the lives of people, particularly young people, grappling with aspects of their identity, especially if they lack the space to do so in the ‘real world�. I would highly recommend this essay and the entire collection of essays for this reason, all of which grapple with intersectional feminism. It is worth considering what Herrup’s life and identity exploration process would have been like had she not had internet access and the knowledge of how to utilize the internet in order to seek out information, resources, and a sense of virtual community as she tried to assure herself that being a lesbian was okay and that there were others like her- and later on to accept the more ambiguous aspects of her identity. We can assume that in some way her physical surroundings and life were therefore not particularly accepting of her identity at that time- and even if they were ‘tolerant� of her, clearly she was not surrounded by other LGBT people/spaces/resources, and the ability to find this kind of community in cyberspace was a crucial part of her own self-acceptance, education, and dedication to activism, as online platforms have also become a crucial way for activists to communicate and organize on a greater scale than perhaps ever before. Furthermore, when working with youth, it is important to keep in mind that knowledge of how to access online resources can be lifesaving particularly if they are in an environment where they cannot discuss certain topics- such as information regarding birth control/STDs, crisis hotlines, or information regarding life steps they may want to take such as applying for college, particularly if they lack assistance with that process. However, there has also been much discussion within the last decade about whether teens may also seek out information about dangerous behaviors along with affirmation for this kind of behavior- such as self-harm, anorexia/bulimia, and/or other behaviors which may be glorified via Tumblr or other web-based platforms popular with teens, and which teens may come to see as a kind of identity in itself to take pride in- such as being anorexic. It may not be the responsibility of digital educators to tell teens what they should and should not do on the internet, although I do believe standard cyber-safety knowledge along with emphasizing the importance of being conscientious about who you are talking to online if you do not know them, as well as advising them not to meet up with strangers they meet online for any reason, is critical to teach. Some may argue that this responsibility should be left to their family, however this may also be problematic- it can be valuable for parents to learn how to set parental control settings on their family computers, but we also cannot police what they believe their children should not be doing online- for example, they may not want their children to seek out LGBT resources, sexual health resources, etc. I have advised numerous students about how to set parental controls on their home computers, often because they have asked me about that, and while I think this is important and will happily explain how, this essay absolutely led me to think about how teens- particularly LGBT teens- may be affected if they are seeking out information/resources if they have not or cannot come out to their families and/or friends. Certain sites may be blocked, and more frighteningly parents may use monitoring tools to see what their children are viewing online, and if their teens are seeking out LGBT resources and their parents find out, they could potentially be abused or thrown out of the house if their parents are so horrified at the possibility that they could have a child who identifies as LGBT. While I still believe that the benefits of digital literacy outweigh these risks, the essay and the collection in its entirety was nevertheless thought provoking and I would recommend it highly for all CTEPs.
She begins to embrace this ambiguity and realize its power, however, after immersing herself in what she considers to be ‘new technology� to meet and discuss these issues within a variety of online communities. As she explored this idea of ambiguity as not only acceptable but also potentially politically powerful, she finds that her most intimate community is an electronic one, where she feels free to form relationships where she can research and discuss this issue openly. Physicality, and its markers of identity such as skin color, gender presentation, ability, etc. is not present in cyberspace, and she writes that the “fluidity of identity is thrown into high relief…it was in cyberspace that I discovered an on-line sexuality that questioned my ‘predilections� and asked me to rethink my identity� (241). She finds herself delving into the realm of online cybersex via chat-based MMORPGs, where she finds she can explore multiple identities safely, as well as fluid identities free from gender and sexual constructs. This was particularly striking to me as this is a contentious topic which can be seen as not only taboo in nature due to its sexual nature, but also because any kind of virtual/cybersex is often regarded within mainstream culture as being a perverse way for socially awkward losers who cannot/will not pursue romantic/sexual relationships in “real life� to pursue this and/or vicariously act out sexual behaviors which may be seen as too disgusting or illegal to pursue in real life- i.e. shows such as “to catch a predator� and concerns held by parents, and arguably perpetuated by the media, that their children/teens may be communicating with and forming relationships online with adult child molesters or other online predators posing as children/teens. Herrup addresses this sort of concern held not only by not only those completely removed and opposed to virtual communities such as this, but also by those who partake in them- concerns about people posing as someone who they are not, or what she describes as concerns about the “honesty and morality of ‘gender passing� online� (245) and the threat of “identity predators� (245-46). While child molesters preying on children and teens via ‘identity deception� is clearly unethical and a horrifying misuse of the anonymity of cyberspace, in regards to the exploration of identity by consenting adults, she believes that the concern within online communities about ‘gender passing� is “largely about the fear of being confronted with the fact that one’s sexuality is not as well-defined and unambiguous as one may have thought� (246) along with questioning the idea that attraction is inherently bound to the physical realm.
After coming to terms with her ambiguous identity through the help of cyberspace, Herrup must then contend with how to reconcile this ambiguity with activism, a place where she believes there is no room for ambiguity when trying to push for the rights of a group- because there needs to be solidity in that group, a common cause to rally behind in order to push for policy change within a culture that may be opposed to the rights of that group in the first place, let alone to think about even rejecting the constructs of gender/sexual orientation/etc. Despite this, however, Herrup comes to believe that within the realm of identity politics certainty can actually lead to the internal breakdown of identity politics- or as she writes, “when we realize that not all women think alike, and that differences such as class and race can no longer be sutured over by the ‘certainty� of a common gender? That any kind of identity, no matter if it is an identity of resistance, is also a creation of boundaries?� (247). She calls for the growth of what she calls a ‘politics of ambiguity� along with increased discussion about how this ambiguity can be a political force while also being a force to effect change for people whose oppression is grounded within the identity constructs that this ambiguity seeks to break down. Constructed or not, Herrup acknowledges that these identity constructs are a real force for oppression. She believes that the first political step before policy change is accepting ambiguity on an interpersonal scale- “how we talk to each other and how we relate to each other when there is no group to call out our names� (250). She believes that the more people become comfortable with ambiguity on a day to day basis- with gender neutral bathrooms, with gender neutral pronouns, with fewer awkward questions such as “soooo…does that make you gay?� or “are you still bisexual since you’re married to a man?, etc. will start a broader culture change that may, in time, set a tone for policy change and policy-setting that is more used to and accepting of ambiguous identities. She argues that “accepting this ambiguity is not a political end in itself…but it can provide the agility to make sense of a chaotic world without relying on an oppressive system of static categories� (250).
As digital educators, it is absolutely worth thinking about the critical role internet access and digital literacy can play in the lives of people, particularly young people, grappling with aspects of their identity, especially if they lack the space to do so in the ‘real world�. I would highly recommend this essay and the entire collection of essays for this reason, all of which grapple with intersectional feminism. It is worth considering what Herrup’s life and identity exploration process would have been like had she not had internet access and the knowledge of how to utilize the internet in order to seek out information, resources, and a sense of virtual community as she tried to assure herself that being a lesbian was okay and that there were others like her- and later on to accept the more ambiguous aspects of her identity. We can assume that in some way her physical surroundings and life were therefore not particularly accepting of her identity at that time- and even if they were ‘tolerant� of her, clearly she was not surrounded by other LGBT people/spaces/resources, and the ability to find this kind of community in cyberspace was a crucial part of her own self-acceptance, education, and dedication to activism, as online platforms have also become a crucial way for activists to communicate and organize on a greater scale than perhaps ever before. Furthermore, when working with youth, it is important to keep in mind that knowledge of how to access online resources can be lifesaving particularly if they are in an environment where they cannot discuss certain topics- such as information regarding birth control/STDs, crisis hotlines, or information regarding life steps they may want to take such as applying for college, particularly if they lack assistance with that process. However, there has also been much discussion within the last decade about whether teens may also seek out information about dangerous behaviors along with affirmation for this kind of behavior- such as self-harm, anorexia/bulimia, and/or other behaviors which may be glorified via Tumblr or other web-based platforms popular with teens, and which teens may come to see as a kind of identity in itself to take pride in- such as being anorexic. It may not be the responsibility of digital educators to tell teens what they should and should not do on the internet, although I do believe standard cyber-safety knowledge along with emphasizing the importance of being conscientious about who you are talking to online if you do not know them, as well as advising them not to meet up with strangers they meet online for any reason, is critical to teach. Some may argue that this responsibility should be left to their family, however this may also be problematic- it can be valuable for parents to learn how to set parental control settings on their family computers, but we also cannot police what they believe their children should not be doing online- for example, they may not want their children to seek out LGBT resources, sexual health resources, etc. I have advised numerous students about how to set parental controls on their home computers, often because they have asked me about that, and while I think this is important and will happily explain how, this essay absolutely led me to think about how teens- particularly LGBT teens- may be affected if they are seeking out information/resources if they have not or cannot come out to their families and/or friends. Certain sites may be blocked, and more frighteningly parents may use monitoring tools to see what their children are viewing online, and if their teens are seeking out LGBT resources and their parents find out, they could potentially be abused or thrown out of the house if their parents are so horrified at the possibility that they could have a child who identifies as LGBT. While I still believe that the benefits of digital literacy outweigh these risks, the essay and the collection in its entirety was nevertheless thought provoking and I would recommend it highly for all CTEPs.
June 1, 2020
I was assigned several essays from this book during a class I took senior spring, “Moral and Philosophical Issues of Gender in Society� and picked it up at the beginning of quarantine to read cover to cover, out of a persistent curiosity as to what all the other essays said and because I really love reading feminist essays. The editor of this anthology is Rebecca Walker, who coined the term “third wave� and was the daughter of writer Alice Walker.
I love reading in 2020 these essays which were published in 1995 as the shape of feminism is constantly changing and the world looks quite different today. This is also not an anthology on all the most important topics pertaining to gender equity but rather as the title insinuates, a space of openness and reality illuminated by each individual contributor. Walker explains in the introduction that “[f]or many of us it seems that to be a feminist in the way that we have seen or understood feminism is to conform to an identity and way of living that doesn’t allow for individuality, complexity, or less than perfect personal histories. We fear that the identity will dictate and regulate our lives, instantaneously pitting us against someone, forcing us to choose inflexible and unchanging sides, female against male, black against white, oppressed against oppressor, good against bad (xxxiii).� She writes, “I have learned the lesson that just might save the planet: people can disagree and still love one another deeply; people can have completely different perspectives and still be right (xxxviii).� So as you might imagine, the chosen essays are about a variety of topics that are all personal to the authors and includes controversial issues such as BDSM, female (public) nakedness, female violence, hip-hop (and sexist (?) lyrics) and an interview with a supermodel. I enjoy that each essay stands alone, despite what it says, and isn’t corrected in any way but allowed to be its own perspective that is worth reading and acknowledging.
My favorite essay by far is “Identity Politics� by Jennifer Allyn and David Allyn. It is about Jennifer and David finding a common last name to share that is desirable and equitable for the both of them. Jennifer writes the first half from her perspective and then David writes the second. It is an extremely well done essay on the topic, addressing a myriad of different issues and considerations on names, namesakes, compromise, meaning and feminism. I would recommend for everyone to read it- especially anyone who finds the issue of women changing their last name, arguably the most important signifier of their being to the outside world, to their partner’s name after marriage. They don’t argue everyone has to reach a compromise such as theirs but I really do admire the time (many years) and thought they put into reaching a satisfactory conclusion, refusing to let the simplicity and ease of tradition and female erasure dictate their lives. Five stars for "Identity Politics".
I love reading in 2020 these essays which were published in 1995 as the shape of feminism is constantly changing and the world looks quite different today. This is also not an anthology on all the most important topics pertaining to gender equity but rather as the title insinuates, a space of openness and reality illuminated by each individual contributor. Walker explains in the introduction that “[f]or many of us it seems that to be a feminist in the way that we have seen or understood feminism is to conform to an identity and way of living that doesn’t allow for individuality, complexity, or less than perfect personal histories. We fear that the identity will dictate and regulate our lives, instantaneously pitting us against someone, forcing us to choose inflexible and unchanging sides, female against male, black against white, oppressed against oppressor, good against bad (xxxiii).� She writes, “I have learned the lesson that just might save the planet: people can disagree and still love one another deeply; people can have completely different perspectives and still be right (xxxviii).� So as you might imagine, the chosen essays are about a variety of topics that are all personal to the authors and includes controversial issues such as BDSM, female (public) nakedness, female violence, hip-hop (and sexist (?) lyrics) and an interview with a supermodel. I enjoy that each essay stands alone, despite what it says, and isn’t corrected in any way but allowed to be its own perspective that is worth reading and acknowledging.
My favorite essay by far is “Identity Politics� by Jennifer Allyn and David Allyn. It is about Jennifer and David finding a common last name to share that is desirable and equitable for the both of them. Jennifer writes the first half from her perspective and then David writes the second. It is an extremely well done essay on the topic, addressing a myriad of different issues and considerations on names, namesakes, compromise, meaning and feminism. I would recommend for everyone to read it- especially anyone who finds the issue of women changing their last name, arguably the most important signifier of their being to the outside world, to their partner’s name after marriage. They don’t argue everyone has to reach a compromise such as theirs but I really do admire the time (many years) and thought they put into reaching a satisfactory conclusion, refusing to let the simplicity and ease of tradition and female erasure dictate their lives. Five stars for "Identity Politics".
April 9, 2011
Corny.
Also (it may be the prude in me)-- but I found discussions about sex and sexuality "tired" and cliched.
When I finished reading some of the essays, I had to stop and think about the role of sexuality as it relates to women's issues. It's not as if I think sexuality shouldn't be discussed and doesn't matter. I do.
But.
I sometimes feel as if some Feminist perspectives about sexuality are blissfully naive and disconnected from the reality of the experiences of everyday women. I think that feminism, at times, may emphasize sex and sexuality too much or...hm...maybe more like...present it in a manner that's out of context.
For instance, generally speaking, I think equating sex and sexuality with words like "liberating" and "empowering" is hogwash. There are obvious instances where the words may apply. But. Again. Generally.
In my mind, before one might even be able to speak of sex as empowering, I think there are bigger fish to fry. I think it's a luxury (a wonderful one indeed), for some Feminists to examine and express their feelings about sex/sexuality in a particular way. I don't mean to say that it's wrong. I just mean that there's more than one way to view the meaning, significance, and fucntion of sex/sexuality.
There are many voices in Feminism. Many ways to be a Feminist. What I liked about this collection of essays was that there's a bit of this and a bit of that from all kinds of people. I really enjoyed the book for that reason.
Unfortunately, I didn't connect to a majority of essays in the book. Only 1, in fact. The Veronica Webb interview.
Which. Hm. Made me ask a lot of questions about Feminism. Obviously, my wanderings are part of a larger conversation that's re-negotiating and re-defining Feminism. I think of "To Be Real" as part of that conversation. To that extent, I embrace the voices in the book.
I suppose if I had to tag myself with a label, I'd be closest to being a "Womanist." However, if a random person were to ask me if I'm a Feminist, I'd say yes. Why? Because I'm unashamedly pro-woman. Tomato-Tomatoe.
Also (it may be the prude in me)-- but I found discussions about sex and sexuality "tired" and cliched.
When I finished reading some of the essays, I had to stop and think about the role of sexuality as it relates to women's issues. It's not as if I think sexuality shouldn't be discussed and doesn't matter. I do.
But.
I sometimes feel as if some Feminist perspectives about sexuality are blissfully naive and disconnected from the reality of the experiences of everyday women. I think that feminism, at times, may emphasize sex and sexuality too much or...hm...maybe more like...present it in a manner that's out of context.
For instance, generally speaking, I think equating sex and sexuality with words like "liberating" and "empowering" is hogwash. There are obvious instances where the words may apply. But. Again. Generally.
In my mind, before one might even be able to speak of sex as empowering, I think there are bigger fish to fry. I think it's a luxury (a wonderful one indeed), for some Feminists to examine and express their feelings about sex/sexuality in a particular way. I don't mean to say that it's wrong. I just mean that there's more than one way to view the meaning, significance, and fucntion of sex/sexuality.
There are many voices in Feminism. Many ways to be a Feminist. What I liked about this collection of essays was that there's a bit of this and a bit of that from all kinds of people. I really enjoyed the book for that reason.
Unfortunately, I didn't connect to a majority of essays in the book. Only 1, in fact. The Veronica Webb interview.
Which. Hm. Made me ask a lot of questions about Feminism. Obviously, my wanderings are part of a larger conversation that's re-negotiating and re-defining Feminism. I think of "To Be Real" as part of that conversation. To that extent, I embrace the voices in the book.
I suppose if I had to tag myself with a label, I'd be closest to being a "Womanist." However, if a random person were to ask me if I'm a Feminist, I'd say yes. Why? Because I'm unashamedly pro-woman. Tomato-Tomatoe.
September 27, 2007
This is one of the books that inpsired me to call myself a feminist. It is a collection of essays from people of many different walks of life reflecting on feminism and is a great look at what feminism looked like in the mid nineties. It's worth the read.
March 11, 2012
Interesting and diverse read. I enjoyed the thoughts of the few men, as it gave an alternative, positive view, and found the story on the husband/wife and figuring out a new last name to be sweet and positive.
June 11, 2017
A little dated in places, but a handful of the essays stand out with their themes of intersectionality and decentering the white western narrative. Many of the essays address topics we are still working on 15 years after publication. Overall, a good read that melds a history of 3rd wave with the themes that have carried through to current feminist practices.
October 23, 2017
I don't know if any individual essay gets five stars from me, but the breadth and daring of this collection definitely does.
March 19, 2018
Essential reading
June 23, 2024
A collection of essays that is very much a product of its time (1995). Them's my ladies, so a familiar survey of Third Wave feminism, but kind of disjointed.
November 10, 2024
i had to speed read parts of this to get through but other parts gave me actual nightmares.
January 18, 2009
This wonderful collection examines various women's relationships with feminist issues in a confessional style. At first it feels a bit scattered, as - unlike many 2nd Wave essays - the essays incorporate class, race, and sexual orientation into feminism itself. But when combined with Gloria Steinam's forward, Angela Davis's afterward and Rebecca Walker's introduction, the role of these confessionals becomes much more clear. This is not a blue print or an outline of the 3rd Wave's political agenda, but rather a place where 3rd wavers can begin by understanding the basic questions, assumptions, and contradictions underlying feminism. Rather than a , this collection is a call to inspiration and imagination in constructing a feminist viewpoint that is relevant and modern. Makes me want to curl up in front of a fire with coffee, more feminista literature and my laptop and just think. Brava!
October 10, 2008
It has been a while since I read a collection of feminist writings. This book was very interesting in that it is written for, by, and about third wave feminisists. Most of the essays were blase except for the two written about the pretense and the downfall of a woman's life due to marriage. It isn't as bleak as it sounds, but totally worth it to read those few essays. There was also an essay written by this woman who is turned on by violence and rape scenes/stories. I could only stomache a page of the essay before I moved on because I was not comfortable with that level of sexual honesty. But the book is not written to be comfortable, so I recommend it to anyone who is interested in broadening their horizons.
July 28, 2011
i bought this forever ago when i was in college, and finally got around to reading it. it's a compilation of essays written by feminists from several walks of life. the one message i got the strongest from the book was that there were no "rules" or "right way" of being a feminist. and while i do consider myself one, i just wasn't jiving with this book. in all honesty, i skipped a lot of it.
honestly, i think the biggest issue i had with this book is that is just seemed a bit outdated. i believe it was published in the mid-nineties, and maybe i'm out of the loop, but i feel that maybe some of the issues addressed were things that we've since progressed on (not perfected by any means).
honestly, i think the biggest issue i had with this book is that is just seemed a bit outdated. i believe it was published in the mid-nineties, and maybe i'm out of the loop, but i feel that maybe some of the issues addressed were things that we've since progressed on (not perfected by any means).
April 3, 2016
To everyone who also consider themselves a feminist, this might interest you: "To be Real" edited by Rebecca Walker is an amazing collection by a diverse group of authors. There was a great diversity, women of color, queer (LGBTQ) authors, and men were included. It was a refreshing read. The book is also almost 20 years old, I was a little shocked to find out because they seemed to be talking about the world as it is now (which says something).
(I will post a longer review later, I'm in a rush now. :p)
(I will post a longer review later, I'm in a rush now. :p)
September 11, 2012
As I began the book my initial feelings concerning the essays were ambivalent, but soon turned to dislike. However the last half-to-two-thirds of the book truly redeemed itself, and I found myself slightly sad when it ended. Some of the perspectives are definitely challenging, but I came to understand this challenge as integral to the book. I was not going to finish the book, and I am truly glad I did.
September 3, 2013
I enjoyed the diversity of the authors which ranged from a straight married couple who dealt with the issue of what last name to use in a creative manner to legends of the feminist movement who reflects on how far the journey has taken us as well as how far we have to go. Walker did a good job of pulling together different voices to present different outlooks. I may not have agreed with all the statements made but I came aware with an appreciation for the author's outlook.
February 25, 2009
excellent collection of writings from feminists, really great for a budding feminist. i must admit though, after reading Rebecca Walker's recent article about her mother neglecting her and feminism being to blame for a generation of unhappy childless women, i am not such a fan of hers. i am disappointed in her as a feminist and a role model.
July 28, 2019
All at once, I felt at odds with myself, content, and slightly guilty. This book overachieved its goal in reminding me that there is no one way to change the world or to be that change, and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind ever since.
July 3, 2007
excellent kickstart for those who wants to know more about feminist writers and not be subjected by mass media appeal
July 18, 2007
feels a little dated at this point, but a good read nonetheless. definitely placed an emphasis on gathering work from a very diverse group of people. a third wave staple.
October 19, 2007
this book elucidates why and how feminism is not dead. i loved the part about metaphors and symbology of common wedding practices, among many other parts of the book!
December 14, 2007
Great food for thought. Whatever that means.
December 8, 2008
It was okay. Felt like something I should have read 10 years ago...but also felt stuck about 10 years ago, too. Some of the essays were better than others, of course.
June 2, 2008
A very real and eclectic mix of what it means to be a feminist for many different people.
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October 31, 2009Challenging.
October 26, 2010
Stand up book of essays pertaining to "Feminism". Great chapter titles like "Born to Dyke" and "How does a supermodel do feminism."
A lot of different viewpoints.
A lot of different viewpoints.
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