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How to Lose Friends & Alienate People
In 1995, high-flying British journalist Toby Young left London for New York to become a contributing editor at Vanity Fair. Other Brits had taken Manhattan - Alistair Cooke, Tina Brown, Anna Wintour - so why couldn't he? Surely, it would only be a matter of time before the Big Apple was in the palm of his hand. But things did not go according to plan. Within the space of two years he was fired from Vanity Fair, banned from the most fashionable bar in the city and couldn't get a date for love or money. Even the local AA group wanted nothing to do with him. How To Lose Friends & Alienate People is Toby Young's hilarious account of the five years he spent steadily working his way down the New York food chain, from glossy magazine editor to crash-test dummy for interactive sex toys. But it's not just a collection of self-deprecating anecdotes. It's also a seditious attack on the culture of celebrity from inside the belly of the beast. Not since Bonfire of the Vanities has the New York A-list been so mercilessly lampooned - and it all really happened!
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
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8,217 people want to read
About the author
Toby Young
49books25followersToby Daniel Moorsom Young (born 1963) is a British journalist and the author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the tale of his failed five-year attempt to make it in the U.S. as a contributing editor at Vanity Fair magazine, as well as The Sound of No Hands Clapping, a follow-up about his failure to make it as a Hollywood screenwriter. His obnoxious wit has earned him almost as many enemies as admirers and the title of "England's heterosexual Truman Capote". As the son of a baron, he is entitled to use the title the Honourable, but declines to style himself as such.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 435 reviews
November 17, 2019
This wasn't a how-to book on how to get rid of friends.
I read it and I still have too many friends and none of them feel alienated enough to leave, apparently.
This book was funny, but if you're looking to cut people loose from your life, I wouldn't recommend this book as a place to start. You'll have more luck stealing something valuable from your friend to ruin your relationship with them, or maybe, have you considered an affair with a SO? That almost always does the trick.
Anyway. This book is fiction. Not a how-to manual. Would help if they put that in the title, but that might be a spoiler alert, I dunno.
I read it and I still have too many friends and none of them feel alienated enough to leave, apparently.
This book was funny, but if you're looking to cut people loose from your life, I wouldn't recommend this book as a place to start. You'll have more luck stealing something valuable from your friend to ruin your relationship with them, or maybe, have you considered an affair with a SO? That almost always does the trick.
Anyway. This book is fiction. Not a how-to manual. Would help if they put that in the title, but that might be a spoiler alert, I dunno.
September 23, 2020
Honestly super difficult to read. A white man from a first world country, talking out of his ass about the rise of political correctness, feminazis and how he never made it in New York because he just couldn't take the town seriously. White mediocrity personified. I hate giving up so it took me about 3 months to read it through. 2 stars because it was funny sometimes. Edit: now 1 star, I really disliked this book
May 26, 2009
I found this book to be really amusing when I read it, but now after seeing Toby Young on this past season of Top Chef, I think he just an unfunny douche bag. I'll leave the original four star rating, but only because reading about a douche bag can be funny.
December 19, 2008
Why did I find Toby Young such an annoying twerp. I very nearly didn't finish this book, a very rare occurrence. His obsession with celebrity, parties and tottie just made me cringe but his analysis of the cultural differences between New York and London was very incisive and that is what kept me reading, as it was I read two other books in breaks when I'd had too much of Toby.
July 12, 2015
In 1995, British journalist Toby Young got the phone call every Fleet Street hack dreams of � an offer from Graydon Carter, the renowned editor of Vanity Fair, to fly to New York and work on the magazine. Toby then proceeded to stuff up every opportunity that came his way, starting with his interpretation of the “casual� dress code as a pair of vintage 501s and a T-shirt “featuring a bare-chested Keanu Reeves and the strapline: ‘Young, Dumb and Full of Come’�.
I first read How To Lose Friends & Alienate People in 2002 as I commuted to my new job in an organisation I came to refer to as The Ministry of Truth. It was all I could do not to burst into horrified laughter right there on the bus. Over a decade later, Toby Young’s ghastly faux pas, complete lack of judgement, and drunken antics continue to appal.
I re-read How To Lose Friends & Alienate People shortly after , another memoir set in the New York publishing industry. While the latter could be a career guide for young hopefuls (do what you’re asked but be prepared to take on more challenging work, be discreet at all times, and be aware of the impression you’re making), Toby Young’s book is a how-not-to guide (don’t smuggle a strippergram into the office on Take Our Daughters to Work Day, don’t slide smart-arse remarks under your boss’s door, and try to avoid being photographed doing lines of coke at work).
Between his truly outrageous tales, Toby Young offers up interesting digressions on celebrity culture and academia in the late 1980s, and the importance of the New York media in determining the zeitgeist:
Vanity Fair announces that London is on fire, then, to all intents and purposes, it’s on fire. On the other hand, if London’s so-called cultural renaissance goes completely unnoticed by anyone outside the city, then the whole thing is a bit of a non-event� In the global kingdom, New York is the home of international court society.�
He also muses on exactly what it takes to be successful at a magazine like Vanity Fair:
“I often wondered how it was that a group of such apparently sophisticated people were able to devote so much energy to producing an upscale supermarket tabloid. How did they preserve their sanity while thinking up cover lines like ‘Jemima and Imran: The High-Stakes Marriage of Pakistan’s Camelot Couple�? Were they all on Prozac?�
Toby answers this question in a footnote: “The answer is probably yes.�
How To Lose Friends & Alienate People is much more than gossipy recollections of Toby’s time among the glitterati. He shows enough insight, self-awareness and wit to keep the reader on his side, despite his unspeakable behaviour. In the last chapter, he recounts some of the “spectacularly idiotic� things he did, then ponders:
“Up to a point, these episodes were simply the result of blind ignorance; of not knowing, and not bothering to find out, the appropriate way to behave. But some of my more destructive acts seemed to be the result of the anarchic side of my character tripping the other side up, doing whatever it could to ensure I’d never end up achieving the things I’d set my heart on�I can’t help feeling that the terrorist inside of me was the British part sabotaging the American part. The longer I spent in the States, the more British I felt. Like so many others, I thought that by moving to New York, I could re-invent myself; I could become an American. It seemed entirely possible, too � for about six months. Then my Britishness started to reassert itself. It was if I took a flight across the Atlantic and my nationality came by boat.�
But perhaps the last word should go to the Director of Public Relations at Vanity Fair, quoted in the reviews at the front of the book:
“We’ve been looking through our files, and we can’t seem to find any record of a Toby Young ever having worked here.�
May 29, 2007
My fondest memory of this book was the day that I was reading it on the train on my way home from work. A guy got on the train and sat down next to me. He was reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Sometimes the planets just align.
Shelved as 'to-read-or-not-to-read'
October 12, 2013In the accordance with Hydra principle - I'd link you but it got deleted.
I'd also like to say that I didn't get a notice that this review will be deleted.
If we are deleting anything off-topic, does this mean that those pre-release, pre-read reviews that are nothing but a pile of gifs "expressing reader's excitement" go to? The one you chose to defend?
July 26, 2009
How to Alienate Readers, Too
I bought this book because the title caught my eye, and the quotes on the cover were divine:
I bought this book because the title caught my eye, and the quotes on the cover were divine:
"I'll rot in hell before I give that little bastard a quote for his book"
- Julie Birchill
However, having read this all the way through - I agree with the various nay-sayers on the cover, and would like to hit Toby Young about the head with a hardcover copy of this memoir.
It would be safe to say Mr. Young doesn't really get it. When writing yourself as the cute, laddish fool - firstly you have to actually be likeable, and secondly for fuck's sake never make the kind of zany little blunders that may - for example - risk your girlfriend getting raped. Yes, you read that right.
Toby Young presents all his brazen idiocies as lovable mistakes. Perhaps to him they are. To me, and I suspect most other readers, you need to warm to the protagonist a whole lot more before you let him get away with half the shit that Young does. And does repeatedly.
You know that obnoxious, arrogant, knuckle-dragging friend of a friend you probably have to deal with down the pub every now and again? Well one of them's managed a media career, and thanks to this book you can now read the world from his point of view. It doesn't make much more sense than it did down the pub, but at least this one hollers less, and you can put it aside whenever he becomes to much.
Don't get me wrong, it was educational, too: I now know to not turn up to my first day of work wearing a t-shirt that says "Young, Hung and Full of Come."
The frustrating thing is that there is an intellect fighting to get out. Some of his analysis of transatlantic differences are interesting and valid, as well as his analysis of the illusion of meritocracy - it's just that these glimpses are so severely overshadowed by all his antics/arrogance/all-round arsery that this book, as a whole, is best left alone.
God knows how they managed to turn this into a romantic comedy with that nice Simon Pegg in it. I suspect it involved some industrial cleaning to remove all traces of Toby Young's noxious personality.
June 9, 2022
toby young, novinar i kolumnist vanity faira i condé nasta, napisao je knjigu kako se strmoglavio odlaskom iz londona i dolaskom u new york, u potrazi za instant užicima i u želji da postane slavan, bogat i da spava sa što više glamuroznih žena. samo po sebi, ovo štivo je totalni treš, jedino što ga spašava od samog dna jest iskrica spisateljskoga talenta koja ovu knjigu čini probavljivom, a mjestimice i stvarno duhovitom. posebno je šarmantna tobyjeva iskrenost i samokritičnost i čuđenje nad svojom ispraznošću, plitkošću i banalnošću. zadobivanjem zrelosti, on na kraju uočava prave životne vrijednosti - a to nisu šmrkanje kokaina u zahodu prestižnog njujorškog noćnog kluba niti seks sa supermodelom, spoznaje toby.
čudim se sama sebi da sam ju izgurala do kraja i pripisujem to nostalgiji prema vremenu i likovima koje me vežu za mladost - radnja se događa tamo negdje devedesetih pa mi je, jednostavno, bilo milo čitati o nekim od tih imena i o stilu života koji je na izumiranju.
čudim se sama sebi da sam ju izgurala do kraja i pripisujem to nostalgiji prema vremenu i likovima koje me vežu za mladost - radnja se događa tamo negdje devedesetih pa mi je, jednostavno, bilo milo čitati o nekim od tih imena i o stilu života koji je na izumiranju.
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August 13, 2007What I learned from this book? Don't believe the hype. This was one of the shittest books I've ever read. Toby Young has no conception as to why he can't get a shag and why no-one laughs at his jokes. Want to find out why Toby? Read your own retarded humour-vacuum of a book.
March 3, 2023
Það sniðugasta við þessa var nafnið. Hefði verið betri ef hún hefði enst betur en það eru svo margir samtíma referencar að hún er mjög úrelt (20+ ára gömul bók). Samt áhugaverð innsýn í NYC blaðamennsku rétt áður en internetið tók yfir og gjörbreytti (ímynda ég mér) þeim heimi. Margt óspennandi í þessari narratívu (name dropping, sexismi, sjálfsvorkunn) en líka margt sniðugt, áhugavert eða fyndið (hann prófaði dating coach og self-rebranding því það gekk svo illa að deita í NYC). Meritocracy pælingarnar hans um BNA og Bretland stóðu upp úr, mun pæla mikið í kenningunni um að ríkt fólk í Bretlandi sé meira humble og skammist sín fyrir að vera ríkt af því að konungsfjölskyldan er stöðug áminning um að heppni og silfurskeiðar ráða mestu um völd og velgengni, ólíkt ameríska draumnum þar sem allir eru jafnir ef þeir “leggja nógu hart að sér�.
May 12, 2009
Así se presentaba el libro: una crónica satírica desde el backstage del mundo de los más famosos y adorados, escrita por un periodista británico que trabajó durante tres años para la muy glamurosa (y casi centenaria) revista Vanity Fair. ¿Suena bien, verdad?
Pues para empezar, no encontré en este libro ni rastro del humor seco británico que tal descripción promete. Tampoco su densidad de detalles sobre el mundillo de la edición de una revista que hace y deshace reyes del mambo era tan alta como para satisfacer mi curiosidad. Es probable que esto sea debido en parte a que el libro fue publicado en 2001, y muchos de los detalles que cuenta ya han tenido tiempo de pasar al imaginario colectivo y solidificarse en la categoría de "cosas que la gente de la calle sabe sobre el mundo de los famosos". Ya sabemos que los actores asisten a las è pero no se quedan en la sala a ver su película, que las compañías de Relaciones Públicas tienen a las revistas comiendo de la palma de su mano, etc.
Por eso, tal vez es injusto criticar a Toby Young por no darnos mucha chicha que morder en ese sentido; tal vez fué él el que nos contó estas cosas por primera vez. De hecho, en el libro encontré varias expresiones que él parecía haberse inventado sobre la marcha, y que son ahora de uso común en la blogosfera anglófona cuando se trata de hablar de los famosos. No me extrañaría que este libro hubiese sido así de influyente.
Eso no quita que durante la mayor parte del libro uno esté leyendo las reflexiones y peripecias de un, este, un... un capullo. No creo que haya otra figura de estilo para describir a un hombre con tan poco sentido de su torpeza social, un hombre tan interesado en su ombligo, un hombre con tan poca conciencia de sus limitaciones. Durante la mayor parte del libro me preguntaba cómo era posible que Greydon Carter, el editor en jefe de Vanity Fair, le hubiese ofrecido un puesto en la revista a una persona que no daba demasiadas muestras de ser especialmente perspicaz, gracioso, o dotado para la redacción periodística. Finalmente, después de aproximadamente 200 páginas, vemos que el mismo Young le hace esa pregunta a su jefe (no por autocrítica, claro, sino por despecho) cuando éste está a punto de despedirle.
¿La respuesta de Graydon? "No tengo ni puta idea".
Bueno, después de 352 páginas, yo tampoco.
El punto álgido: Toby Young describe muy hábilmente la relación de los que tienen el trabajo de tomarle el pulso a la moda (en todos sus aspectos: lo que más se lleva, los garitos más in, las ciudades en las que algo está pasando, etc.) con las mareas cambiantes e intangibles del gusto, de lo que es moderno, de lo que interesa. ¿Son ellos los que las crean, o sólo las captan al vuelo y las reflejan? Hilando actitudes que ha ido observando, Young plasma esta relación como la que puede tener un oráculo con los dioses, o los fieles orantes con el Dios que les habla directamente a su corazón. También presenta ideas interesantes sobre la democracia y sus ciudadanos cuando cita , pero es mejor buscar este libro en Google y ahorrarse leer las diatribas de Young sobre por qué la sociedad británica es mejor que la estadounidense.
El nadir: la descripción de lo impresionado que se quedó cuando vió desnuda por primera vez a su actual mujer. ¡Eran "tetas de Los vigilantes de la playa"! ¡"Unas 90E perfectas"! ¿No os alegráis de saberlo?
Pues para empezar, no encontré en este libro ni rastro del humor seco británico que tal descripción promete. Tampoco su densidad de detalles sobre el mundillo de la edición de una revista que hace y deshace reyes del mambo era tan alta como para satisfacer mi curiosidad. Es probable que esto sea debido en parte a que el libro fue publicado en 2001, y muchos de los detalles que cuenta ya han tenido tiempo de pasar al imaginario colectivo y solidificarse en la categoría de "cosas que la gente de la calle sabe sobre el mundo de los famosos". Ya sabemos que los actores asisten a las è pero no se quedan en la sala a ver su película, que las compañías de Relaciones Públicas tienen a las revistas comiendo de la palma de su mano, etc.
Por eso, tal vez es injusto criticar a Toby Young por no darnos mucha chicha que morder en ese sentido; tal vez fué él el que nos contó estas cosas por primera vez. De hecho, en el libro encontré varias expresiones que él parecía haberse inventado sobre la marcha, y que son ahora de uso común en la blogosfera anglófona cuando se trata de hablar de los famosos. No me extrañaría que este libro hubiese sido así de influyente.
Eso no quita que durante la mayor parte del libro uno esté leyendo las reflexiones y peripecias de un, este, un... un capullo. No creo que haya otra figura de estilo para describir a un hombre con tan poco sentido de su torpeza social, un hombre tan interesado en su ombligo, un hombre con tan poca conciencia de sus limitaciones. Durante la mayor parte del libro me preguntaba cómo era posible que Greydon Carter, el editor en jefe de Vanity Fair, le hubiese ofrecido un puesto en la revista a una persona que no daba demasiadas muestras de ser especialmente perspicaz, gracioso, o dotado para la redacción periodística. Finalmente, después de aproximadamente 200 páginas, vemos que el mismo Young le hace esa pregunta a su jefe (no por autocrítica, claro, sino por despecho) cuando éste está a punto de despedirle.
¿La respuesta de Graydon? "No tengo ni puta idea".
Bueno, después de 352 páginas, yo tampoco.
El punto álgido: Toby Young describe muy hábilmente la relación de los que tienen el trabajo de tomarle el pulso a la moda (en todos sus aspectos: lo que más se lleva, los garitos más in, las ciudades en las que algo está pasando, etc.) con las mareas cambiantes e intangibles del gusto, de lo que es moderno, de lo que interesa. ¿Son ellos los que las crean, o sólo las captan al vuelo y las reflejan? Hilando actitudes que ha ido observando, Young plasma esta relación como la que puede tener un oráculo con los dioses, o los fieles orantes con el Dios que les habla directamente a su corazón. También presenta ideas interesantes sobre la democracia y sus ciudadanos cuando cita , pero es mejor buscar este libro en Google y ahorrarse leer las diatribas de Young sobre por qué la sociedad británica es mejor que la estadounidense.
El nadir: la descripción de lo impresionado que se quedó cuando vió desnuda por primera vez a su actual mujer. ¡Eran "tetas de Los vigilantes de la playa"! ¡"Unas 90E perfectas"! ¿No os alegráis de saberlo?
July 15, 2012
This book was a very light read and not too difficult to get through, interesting enough to keep me reading. Beyond that I can't think of much positive to say. Another British writer (at least this one didn't use a lot of terms that were unfamiliar to me), male, and very opinionated, his biography reflects his experience in a very specific social setting in America in which he, self admittedly, acted like a pompous jerk. In the telling he seems to work through his problems and become a better person in the end, but still has a chip on his shoulder where America is concerned. I shouldn't take it personally because the social setting he was in has nothing to do with me and I would never be in this situation, but I guess I am just too patriotic for it not to affect me. Another pet peeve that seems to be ever increasing in today's literature is the unnecessary overuse of profanity! Unless you are using it sparingly and to show extreme emotion I find it repulsive. I do realize that I am among the minority in this opinion so I won't tell you not to read it, but I caution you: you might find this book a waste of time. Oh, and it didn't make me want to see the movie either.
June 25, 2009
This was smart and funny. The inside Vanity Fair stuff is great. The last third of the book falls apart. There was too much of his “oh what a loser I am schtick.� I'm glad he found love but the girl comes across as a snobby twit. The first third was a great take on celebrity culture and New York in particular. The book falls flat when he tries to equate New York with America as a whole. His experience with limousine liberals in Manhattan doesn't give him any insight into how the rest of the country thinks and works. He condemns meritocracy and claims that poverty is inescapable. He thinks those who are born poor will stay that way due to class restrictions. His evidence is Manhattan's incestuous media world. Every real economist thinks about 80% of those born poor will not be poor by the end of their lives. Poverty itself is comparative and fluid. If you give everyone a million dollars, I will have 1 million and fifty dollars while you may have one million one thousand dollars. You are richer than I but we are both better off. Poor Toby is a liberal who found out he hates liberals.
April 22, 2008
I used to hate Toby Young. In fact, his London newspaper articles used to upset me so much that I actually wrote a letter to the editor to express how much I detested Mr Young and all of his ludicrous, sexist views. Then a friend of mine lent me his book and insisted I read it. Of course, I didn't want to, but one day I picked it up and then I couldn't put it down. And by the time I had finished, my views had made a 180-degree turn. Instead of hating Toby, I wanted to be his apprentice. This book is sold as celebrity fluff, but it is actually quite a deep and quite a cerebral commentary on our modern, transatlantic society - and I think in the end, when we're all dead, it will be recognised as such. Sure, Toby's a selfish, bumbling idiot - but most men are. The difference is that most men can't write about it so beautifully and with such sharp humour.
May 2, 2018
So, I didn't actually finish this. I pulled the plug at 172 because this man is such an unmitigated asshole I simply did not want to spend another moment with him. Even if Young were an interesting giant, horny, and surly toddler (and he is not, though he has some interesting experiences) this would have been no fun. To enjoy this you have to want to ride shotgun with Young, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
July 11, 2007
One of the funniest books I have ever read. Toby Young is hilarious in his memoir which details his inabilities to conform to the roles and responsibilities at the prestigious Vanity Fair. Almost everything he does is wrong, yet he manages to stay afloat for an impressive amount of time. Imagine a real-life version of Ron Livingston (Office Space) working at Vanity Fair.
August 10, 2016
This is a highly entertaining book, but a bit like reading a Bret Easton Ellis novel, where few of the characters have any redeemable qualities, including the author. Only in this book the tales are ostensibly true. (I know the truth of many aspects of this book are disputed, but I figure it's best not to think about it too much and just go along for the ride.) Young certainly sets himself up as a funny but quite shallow and rather misguided character; and I'm not sure if we're supposed to see him as a loveable cad, a frat boy with good breeding, or just a normal lad trying to find himself but failing at every turn. As someone from the US living abroad for the past decade and currently in the UK, it was certainly interesting to read his interpretations of cultural differences, though his view of both countries is one that is so far removed from my experience that it's hard to say if he's right or not. The celebrity and money-obsessed neighbourhoods of New York are no more representative of America as a whole than the Oxbridge intellectual elite in the swanky boroughs of London are of England. Of course, my experience growing up in the American Midwest or living in the Northwest of England do not align at all with his accounts. I suspect such people hardly even exist outside the small confines of these bizarre social circles. Nonetheless, I found this book his highly entertaining and engaging. Young's writing is witty, and the portrait he paints of himself is so self-deprecating, you will have trouble believing it's real - even in spite of the well-known British capacity for self-deprecation. I suspect that all the people in the book have the volume turned up on their personalities, but the desired effect is achieved and you are left amused but baffled by this status obsessed world in which Young lived for a brief moment in time.
Though a great book and widely regarded as such, I think it would have benefited from a good edit. It's quite long, given the content isn't exactly deep, and there are quite a lot of diversions, some more pertinent and interesting than others. His long rant about meritocracy - though I agree with it 100% - is completely out of place; and I suspect it is there simply as a vehicle to establish his authority on the subject, given that his father coined the term. No one in America actually believes it's a genuine meritocracy. (Okay, no one I know at least. I'm sure some people do, but their delusions are likely being shattered every day.) It's rambles like this that make me wonder just how he managed to encounter so many alien, vapid, uncritical people in his short time in America. I certainly don't doubt that they exist, but the book is full of so many situations that are baffling to the reader. How does he always manage to meet the worst possible people and do the worst possible things? He paints a portrait of New Yorkers as soulless, conforming robots hungry for status, and he tells many stories to support this hypothesis. It makes for a very entertaining read, but it is often so surreal that it's very difficult to believe. At the very least, he has a knack for meeting the very worst people.
Overall, a great light-hearted and humorous book, perfect for reading on a summer holiday.
Though a great book and widely regarded as such, I think it would have benefited from a good edit. It's quite long, given the content isn't exactly deep, and there are quite a lot of diversions, some more pertinent and interesting than others. His long rant about meritocracy - though I agree with it 100% - is completely out of place; and I suspect it is there simply as a vehicle to establish his authority on the subject, given that his father coined the term. No one in America actually believes it's a genuine meritocracy. (Okay, no one I know at least. I'm sure some people do, but their delusions are likely being shattered every day.) It's rambles like this that make me wonder just how he managed to encounter so many alien, vapid, uncritical people in his short time in America. I certainly don't doubt that they exist, but the book is full of so many situations that are baffling to the reader. How does he always manage to meet the worst possible people and do the worst possible things? He paints a portrait of New Yorkers as soulless, conforming robots hungry for status, and he tells many stories to support this hypothesis. It makes for a very entertaining read, but it is often so surreal that it's very difficult to believe. At the very least, he has a knack for meeting the very worst people.
Overall, a great light-hearted and humorous book, perfect for reading on a summer holiday.
June 29, 2016
Not only one of the funniest autobiographies I've ever read (the first time in my life I've openly laughed on two different occasions while reading a book) but also provides serious, deep insight into America's commercial culture. British journalist / writer Toby Young's experience working for a well renowned fashion magazine, Vanity Fair, in the 1990s portrays the America that I know and moved away from in 2009 (I now live in The Netherlands). Describes the way Americans (some, mind you, not all but a significant portion of the population) worship celebrities and judge each other based on social status, job, perfect looks, and income rather than personality / soul. Example: "In London, the girls in my peer group didn't behave that differently from the boys. They drank in the same pubs, laughed at the same jokes and had a similarly relaxed attitude to sex. They enjoyed being looked at and admired but they weren't in any sense ornamental. It rarely took them more than fifteen minutes to get ready. Women in Manhattan, by contrast, behaved more like courtesans -- at least, the ones I met did. They existed in a completely different world from their male counterparts, often spending the whole day preparing for an evening out. A typical New York party girl would start the day with a visit to her dermatologist, followed by a trip to an expensive hair salon, then go shopping for a designer outfit on Madison Avenue and, finally, summon a makeup artist to her boudoir to apply the finishing touches." He describes how in London the journalists regularly criticize or make fun of celebrities and the rich but in New York journalists are climbing over each other to be the first to kiss their butts.
A fantastic book. He continually burned bridges with celebrities by asking them the 'wrong questions' while working at Vanity Fair and was eventually "let go" for being too rebellious against Vanity Fair's power worshipping, soulless interpretation of the world. His practical jokes, sense of humor, and humility weren't seen as an asset there. I loved how he pissed off his manager, some rich big shot named Graydon who thinks he owns New York, again and again with his snyde or joking remarks. Toby learned that Americans can be a serious people with little sense of humor when it comes to their sense of materialism, worship of celebrities / the rich, superficiality, obsession with good or perfect looks, masking greed as ambition, women who act sexual and open-minded but are actually prude and judgmental, religious fundamentalism, emotional reliabillity, and cultural arrogance ("we're number one!").
A fantastic book. He continually burned bridges with celebrities by asking them the 'wrong questions' while working at Vanity Fair and was eventually "let go" for being too rebellious against Vanity Fair's power worshipping, soulless interpretation of the world. His practical jokes, sense of humor, and humility weren't seen as an asset there. I loved how he pissed off his manager, some rich big shot named Graydon who thinks he owns New York, again and again with his snyde or joking remarks. Toby learned that Americans can be a serious people with little sense of humor when it comes to their sense of materialism, worship of celebrities / the rich, superficiality, obsession with good or perfect looks, masking greed as ambition, women who act sexual and open-minded but are actually prude and judgmental, religious fundamentalism, emotional reliabillity, and cultural arrogance ("we're number one!").
March 9, 2017
When your dad recommends this book to you, and he's playing Neutral Milk Hotel's "The King of Carrot Flowers pt. One," that's a pretty good sign that he's cooler than you. So I've been making a slow climb back to credibility in my own mind for a while, and one objective I had regarding this effort was reading this book by Vanity-Fair-scribe-via-Britain Toby Young.
This is the best way I can describe the exact accomplishment of How to Lose Friends and Alienate people, although as I'm writing this I realize that this should encompass any gripping memoir: the "base" and "superstructure" theory of literary critic Raymond Williams. A society for him has a "base" which is composed of the things that make it function, and a "superstructure" which comprises things like the arts, expressive things that the given people can boast as their personality, as their contributions to the world which are truly HUMAN. In Young, this dichotomy manifests in the form of his education, and his intuition, respectively. Specifically, he cites 19th-century French sociologist Alexis de Tocqueville, who like him journeyed to America from Western Europe briefly for professional reasons. He corroborates some of de Tocqueville's observations on us as a people, and the scholarly will assent to that and take home something like a new school of thought, but equally in How to Lose Friends we get quips on friendship, relationships, and just being a man in New York, and we get them so easily that they seem so off-the-cuff to not be denied their validity at all. I read this the summer Head Automatica's Popaganda came out, another classic New York publication. Think that, without the existential caterwaul, and throw in a healthy dousing of jungle fever -- ultimately funny yet also wholesome and warming in the way of which only the Brits sometimes seem capable.
This is the best way I can describe the exact accomplishment of How to Lose Friends and Alienate people, although as I'm writing this I realize that this should encompass any gripping memoir: the "base" and "superstructure" theory of literary critic Raymond Williams. A society for him has a "base" which is composed of the things that make it function, and a "superstructure" which comprises things like the arts, expressive things that the given people can boast as their personality, as their contributions to the world which are truly HUMAN. In Young, this dichotomy manifests in the form of his education, and his intuition, respectively. Specifically, he cites 19th-century French sociologist Alexis de Tocqueville, who like him journeyed to America from Western Europe briefly for professional reasons. He corroborates some of de Tocqueville's observations on us as a people, and the scholarly will assent to that and take home something like a new school of thought, but equally in How to Lose Friends we get quips on friendship, relationships, and just being a man in New York, and we get them so easily that they seem so off-the-cuff to not be denied their validity at all. I read this the summer Head Automatica's Popaganda came out, another classic New York publication. Think that, without the existential caterwaul, and throw in a healthy dousing of jungle fever -- ultimately funny yet also wholesome and warming in the way of which only the Brits sometimes seem capable.
May 9, 2010
With a title like "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: A Memoir", you'd expect Young to come off as a completely annoying prat that you'd want to stab to death, say, 50 pages into the book. I found myself pleasantly surprised on this front. Young does come off as a clueless and delusional prat with self-destructive tendencies at several points, but his book is surprisingly readable. Unlike, say, Tom Parker Bowles' Year of Eating Dangerously (now there's a prat for you) or the Twilight series, I didn't end up banging my head with the book, asking myself why I couldn't just put the book down and pick up something more intelligent to read. (I have a habit of finishing every book I pick up, no matter how horrid I may find it. Bram Stoker's Dracula is the only exception.)
"How to Lose Friends" is part memoir of Young's failed attempt to break into the ranks of Manhattan's elite and part social commentary. The memoir part is mildly entertaining; Young uses self-deprecation for all its worth to milk laughs from his descent from contributing editor of Vanity Fair to unemployed hack with a major drinking problem. The social commentary bit, where Young snarkily discusses the differences between UK and US media, American courtship rules and rituals and American vs British social attitudes, is more interesting.
The big question at this point is why did I even pick up a book with such a (un)promising title? Well, I like to interperse more intelligent reads with lighter ones like...Toby Young's book. And in that respect, Young's book is not a bad choice for a mindless vacation read. If ŷ allowed people to assign half stars in their ratings, I'd probably give Toby Young's effort two and a half stars.
"How to Lose Friends" is part memoir of Young's failed attempt to break into the ranks of Manhattan's elite and part social commentary. The memoir part is mildly entertaining; Young uses self-deprecation for all its worth to milk laughs from his descent from contributing editor of Vanity Fair to unemployed hack with a major drinking problem. The social commentary bit, where Young snarkily discusses the differences between UK and US media, American courtship rules and rituals and American vs British social attitudes, is more interesting.
The big question at this point is why did I even pick up a book with such a (un)promising title? Well, I like to interperse more intelligent reads with lighter ones like...Toby Young's book. And in that respect, Young's book is not a bad choice for a mindless vacation read. If ŷ allowed people to assign half stars in their ratings, I'd probably give Toby Young's effort two and a half stars.
August 13, 2012
Toby Young's ruminative work on social psychology, popular culture, the workplace hierarchy at Condé Nast in the 90s, and generally being unable to relate with people is a raw nerve, honest, and very British-ly self-effacing story that is VERY different from the 2008 movie.
As the son of Michael Young, who coined the term meritocracy long before his son Toby would come to be, well, sort of sidelined and knocked down by the cultural interpretation of it, Young offers an academic insight into the knock down, drag out head butting experience he faced as a journalist working for Vanity Fair.
In reading this book you might, at times, come to despise Young as much as it seems most who encountered him did, you'll also be impressed by his insight, his intertextual sociological connections, and his rather breathtaking ability to delude himself. Can a book written about one's delusions still leave one delusional?
I think I may have read the book a bit more seriously and with less of a cultural context than its intended audience, due to my age (I was 5 when the book opens) and sense of humor, which is quite malleable, thank you. Less funny, more cry for help, to me.
All in all, great book. Young does in this work what he reminisces about the hacks of NYC in the 30s did, what Graydon Carter did in The Spy but then quit, and what Young himself had set out to do: make fun of Hollywood from the inside. Sort of.
As the son of Michael Young, who coined the term meritocracy long before his son Toby would come to be, well, sort of sidelined and knocked down by the cultural interpretation of it, Young offers an academic insight into the knock down, drag out head butting experience he faced as a journalist working for Vanity Fair.
In reading this book you might, at times, come to despise Young as much as it seems most who encountered him did, you'll also be impressed by his insight, his intertextual sociological connections, and his rather breathtaking ability to delude himself. Can a book written about one's delusions still leave one delusional?
I think I may have read the book a bit more seriously and with less of a cultural context than its intended audience, due to my age (I was 5 when the book opens) and sense of humor, which is quite malleable, thank you. Less funny, more cry for help, to me.
All in all, great book. Young does in this work what he reminisces about the hacks of NYC in the 30s did, what Graydon Carter did in The Spy but then quit, and what Young himself had set out to do: make fun of Hollywood from the inside. Sort of.
April 8, 2010
A light, enjoyable read. Puts a spotlight on the world of celebrity and the journalists who feed off them. It's not a world I pay much attention to, but fun to dip into now and then, remind yourself that glamour is all about spin, and not to waste too much time on it. Young claims to have learned that lesson, and his creds since then seem to mildly prove it. I did just a moment of research just to satisfy myself, and here's what I learned:
Alex de Silva is, of course, not his rising star pal's real name. Unfortunately, this pseudonym was a poor choice, as it is the name of a once successful Hollywood choreographer from Brazil, glamorized on the tv show So You Think You Can Dance. He's since been charged on several counts of rape (2003-2009) and it looks like that career is over...
Apparently, his pal's real name is Sacha Gervasi, and the two haven't spoken since the book was published. That Welsh dog grooming bit turned into the film The Big Tease. The un-named supermodel is allegedly Veronica Webb, and he's since fathered a child with ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell in 2006.
As for Toby, looks like that romantic bit with Caroline was the real deal. They're still married and have four children. He is a comfy food critic and appears as a judge on Top Chef.
Feel like maybe my career in the gossip rags has just begun!
Alex de Silva is, of course, not his rising star pal's real name. Unfortunately, this pseudonym was a poor choice, as it is the name of a once successful Hollywood choreographer from Brazil, glamorized on the tv show So You Think You Can Dance. He's since been charged on several counts of rape (2003-2009) and it looks like that career is over...
Apparently, his pal's real name is Sacha Gervasi, and the two haven't spoken since the book was published. That Welsh dog grooming bit turned into the film The Big Tease. The un-named supermodel is allegedly Veronica Webb, and he's since fathered a child with ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell in 2006.
As for Toby, looks like that romantic bit with Caroline was the real deal. They're still married and have four children. He is a comfy food critic and appears as a judge on Top Chef.
Feel like maybe my career in the gossip rags has just begun!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 17, 2009
This book was sort of a break from the ordinary for me. I normally read plot-driven novels -- Louis L'Amour, Dan Brown, and a whole host of science-fiction and fantasy. I picked this one up on a whim, mostly because they cast Simon Pegg to play the lead role in the movie based on it. I was about a third of the way through, and thoroughly disappointed, when I realized I was reading it all wrong. I was waiting for the plot to pick up; for the author to stop making what seemed like pointless, extended ramblings; for something to just HAPPEN, DAMMIT! when I should have been reading it for the observations Toby Young makes about the world - his philosophies and musings on life, power, the mystique of fashion, and how some people just don't fit into it -- I should have been reading it to appreciate his journey and maturation over the course of the book. It's not a novel, it's his memoir, and the important part is what's happening inside him, not what's happening to him. Once I realized that, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the book.
February 10, 2008
Toby Young is an Englishman, a journalist who is intent on making a success of himself in the US, namely New York City. He fails miserably. Not because of his character, but because of the gulf in the culture. Despite appearing to be a fool, Toby is well-educated and explains what and why things went wrong, which they do for him with alarming consistency. He cannot get it 'right', but then again, the picture he paints of social life in NYC is one of men who are 'not quite human' and women who are looking for anything but love in a relationship. What a sad place New York must be in that case, and what a anti-hero Toby is. Ok, in English terms, he is a middle-class bore, but he is also a fellow countryman, who is spontaneous, eccentric, amiable and does not take himself or life seriously. Good book!
August 2, 2011
Saw the movie because I love Simon Pegg movies. I was pleasantly surprised by this book though. There were some pretty outlandish things that went on with the author and I question how this book got published if they were true. Let alone the people he talked about so candidly - it's interesting in that he talks about reputation and yet there were some things revealed in this book that would slightly tarnish said rep. In my opinion anyways. Either way, if you're a total fashionista who's into the glossy fashion magazine of New York's Conde Nast, you might be interested in learning about the inner workings of such profession. I personally stopped buying magazines because they were a waste of money and space, so now my head is filled with more useless information! But still, an interesting read with a happy ending of course.
February 2, 2009
If you're fascinated by the media culture in New York, you'd probably like this book. It was all about Toby's wild ride as a "writer" for Vanity Fair. I put it in quotes because he says he got paid $60,000 for about 3000 words, making him the highest paid writer (per word) in the history of Vanity Fair.
Toby is, well, original. I thought I've said and done some pretty heinous things at work, but Toby wins. I love the fact that he wasn't actually trying to get fired, and yet, he could write the handbook for how to do it. In fact, I think this is the handbook for how to do it.
I'm really excited to see the movie because he's played by Simon Pegg and I just love that man.
Toby is, well, original. I thought I've said and done some pretty heinous things at work, but Toby wins. I love the fact that he wasn't actually trying to get fired, and yet, he could write the handbook for how to do it. In fact, I think this is the handbook for how to do it.
I'm really excited to see the movie because he's played by Simon Pegg and I just love that man.
April 2, 2020
A second attempt to read this book indicates a need to immerse yourself and find the author and his motivation. The first time I started it, the book required a focus I wasn't investing at that point. Once you find where he is at and his conflicts it's a great read. There are thoughts direct and implied that have grown and changed me and introduced me to some new thinking. His humour is dry, cutting and entertaining and if this satisfies you there is enough there but the layer beneath is philosophical, challenging, thought provoking and this is what really grabbed me.
December 28, 2014
I had great hopes for this behind-the-scenes look at a young writer employed at Vanity Fair Magazine. It's a bitter, dreadfully self-pity-laden book that thinks it is far wittier than it is. I finished it, but by the end could understand why the author met with no success working under Graydon Carter in New York City and returned to the UK. The only surprising thing is that the magazine kept him on as long as it did. One star.
January 19, 2008
This book is easy to read and hard to put down. Fascinating insider's take on the bullshit machine that is celebrity and Hollywood, gossip and all that crap. Also interesting to see how Americans and American society are viewed by this British journalist working in NY for Vanity Fair.
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