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How to Be an Alien: A Handbook for Beginners and Advanced Pupils
George Mikes says, 'the English have no soul; they have the understatement instead'. But they do have a sense of humour - they provide it by buying over three hundred thousand copies of a book that took them quietly and completely apart, a book that really took the Mikes out of them.
88 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1946
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1,142 people want to read
About the author
George Mikes
133books51followersGeorge Mikes (pronounced Mik-esh) was a Hungarian-born British author best known for his humorous commentaries on various countries.
Mikes graduated in Budapest in 1933 and started work as a journalist on Reggel ("Morning"), a Budapest newspaper. For a short while he wrote a column called Intim Pista for Színházi Élet ("Theatre Life").
In 1938 Mikes became the London correspondent for Reggel and 8 Órao Ujság ("8 Hours"). He worked for Reggel until 1940. Having been sent to London to cover the Munich Crisis and expecting to stay for only a couple of weeks, he remained for the rest of his life. In 1946 he became a British Citizen. It is reported that being a Jew from Hungary was a factor in his decision. Mikes wrote in both Hungarian and English: The Observer, The Times Literary Supplement, Encounter, Irodalmi Újság, Népszava, the Viennese Hungarian-language Magyar Híradó, and Világ.
From 1939 Mikes worked for the BBC Hungarian section making documentaries, at first as a freelance correspondent and, from 1950, as an employee. From 1975 until his death on 30 August 1987 he worked for the Hungarian section of Szabad Európa Rádió. He was president of the London branch of PEN, and a member of the Garrick Club.
His friends included Arthur Koestler, J. B. Priestley and André Deutsch, who was also his publisher.
His first book (1945) was We Were There To Escape � the true story of a Jugoslav officer about life in prisoner-of-war camps. The Times Literary Supplement praised the book for the humour it showed in parts, which led him to write his most famous book How to be an Alien which in 1946 proved a great success in post-war Britain.
How to be an Alien (1946) poked gentle fun at the English, including a one-line chapter on sex: "Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles."
Subsequent books dealt with (among others) Japan (The Land of the Rising Yen), Israel (Milk and Honey, The Prophet Motive), the U.S. (How to Scrape Skies), and the United Nations (How to Unite Nations), Australia (Boomerang), the British again (How to be Inimitable, How to be Decadent), and South America (How to Tango). Other subjects include God (How to be God), his cat (Tsi-Tsa), wealth (How to be Poor) or philosophy (How to be a Guru).
Apart from his commentaries, he wrote humorous fiction (Mortal Passion; The Spy Who Died of Boredom) and contributed to the satirical television series That Was The Week That Was.
His autobiography was called How to be Seventy.
Serious writing included a book about the Hungarian Secret Police and he narrated a BBC television report of the Hungarian Revolution of 1956.
Mikes graduated in Budapest in 1933 and started work as a journalist on Reggel ("Morning"), a Budapest newspaper. For a short while he wrote a column called Intim Pista for Színházi Élet ("Theatre Life").
In 1938 Mikes became the London correspondent for Reggel and 8 Órao Ujság ("8 Hours"). He worked for Reggel until 1940. Having been sent to London to cover the Munich Crisis and expecting to stay for only a couple of weeks, he remained for the rest of his life. In 1946 he became a British Citizen. It is reported that being a Jew from Hungary was a factor in his decision. Mikes wrote in both Hungarian and English: The Observer, The Times Literary Supplement, Encounter, Irodalmi Újság, Népszava, the Viennese Hungarian-language Magyar Híradó, and Világ.
From 1939 Mikes worked for the BBC Hungarian section making documentaries, at first as a freelance correspondent and, from 1950, as an employee. From 1975 until his death on 30 August 1987 he worked for the Hungarian section of Szabad Európa Rádió. He was president of the London branch of PEN, and a member of the Garrick Club.
His friends included Arthur Koestler, J. B. Priestley and André Deutsch, who was also his publisher.
His first book (1945) was We Were There To Escape � the true story of a Jugoslav officer about life in prisoner-of-war camps. The Times Literary Supplement praised the book for the humour it showed in parts, which led him to write his most famous book How to be an Alien which in 1946 proved a great success in post-war Britain.
How to be an Alien (1946) poked gentle fun at the English, including a one-line chapter on sex: "Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles."
Subsequent books dealt with (among others) Japan (The Land of the Rising Yen), Israel (Milk and Honey, The Prophet Motive), the U.S. (How to Scrape Skies), and the United Nations (How to Unite Nations), Australia (Boomerang), the British again (How to be Inimitable, How to be Decadent), and South America (How to Tango). Other subjects include God (How to be God), his cat (Tsi-Tsa), wealth (How to be Poor) or philosophy (How to be a Guru).
Apart from his commentaries, he wrote humorous fiction (Mortal Passion; The Spy Who Died of Boredom) and contributed to the satirical television series That Was The Week That Was.
His autobiography was called How to be Seventy.
Serious writing included a book about the Hungarian Secret Police and he narrated a BBC television report of the Hungarian Revolution of 1956.
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December 29, 2020
This is affectionate mockery of British (really, middle and upper class London) life, observed by a Hungarian who’d been living here for eight years before publishing this in 1946. It’s illustrated by Nicholas Bentley (whose father invented , a form of comic verse). The first half comprises short pieces about being a “general alien�; the second part looks at specific types of (male) Brits, including Bloomsbury intellectual, playboy, and civil servant.
Image: "The national passion... An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one."
Oxymoronic Wildean observations
�In England everything is the other way round.�
The richest people have the scruffiest and most peculiar dress; Brits rarely lie, but would not dream of telling you the truth; introductions are a way to conceal a person’s identity, and while bargaining is bad and Continental, compromise is British and therefore good. For example:
�It is all right to have central heating in an English home, except in the bath room, because that is the only place where you are naked and wet at the same time, and you must give British germs a fair chance.�
And you must discuss the weather, but never contradict anyone about it. There’s even sample dialogue to practice!
Image: “The weather. This is the most important topic in the land.�
My favourite piece was the section on towns �designed for inconvenience and to confuse foreigners�: inconsistent house-numbering; houses with names instead of numbers; over 60 synonyms for “street�; lots of variants in close proximity (Belsize Park/Road/Green); the exact same name in different areas of the same town (dozens of Warwick Avenues, none of them near Warwick); street names printed on big signs but put too high, low, or in shadow to see them, and roads that have different names on opposite sides because they back onto different squares (diagram included!).
Quips
� “The British meteorologists forecast the right weather - as it really should .�
� “Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.�
� “It’s bad manners to be clever, to assert something confidently.�
� “The Labour Party is a fair compromise between Socialism and Bureaucracy.�
� “On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.�
Image: "The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead."
Joking about national stereotypes
I read this book alongside Eddo-Lodge’s Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, which is an excellent, serious, and up-to-date book about black British history and structural racism in the UK today (see my review HERE).
The combination made me very conscious that this is humour rooted in caricatures of difference. As it’s a minority person making jokes about the majority, that’s fine, as when people make jokes about their own groups:
Me: What do you call a blonde who flies a plane?
Someone else: I don't know. What do you call a blonde who flies a plane?
Me: A pilot, you sexist pig!
As a fair-haired woman, I can make that joke (adapted from one of Manny’s). But if I replaced “blonde� with, for example “black man�, it would be more problematic - even though the whole point of the joke is to call out other people’s prejudice.
Although an alien, Mikes was white, so had the possibility of blending in more than Black Britons born here - if he could just sound English enough. He was once told:
�You really speak the most excellent accent without the slightest English.�
But there was a personal cost, despite his wit. He highlights the word “naturalised�, and says:
�Before you obtain British citizenship, they simply doubt that you are provided by nature.�
And after being granted it:
�You must pretend that you are everything you are not and you must look down upon everything you are.�
Note “are�, not even “were�.
Nevertheless, the book is more amusing than I’m making it sound!
Image: English tea is horrible, but you will always be offered it and must never refuse it, not even �if it is hot; if it is cold; if you are tired; if anybody thinks that you might be tired� if you have just had a cup.�
The start of something
George Mikes came to England in 1938 as the London correspondent for two Hungarian newspapers, switched to working for the BBC, and stayed. He discovered that he’d been an alien all his life (as all non Brits are), that he didn’t really understand the nuances of the language that he spoke fluently, and that there was no escape:
�He may become British; he can never become English�.
The title is poignant because Mikes was interned on the Isle of Man as an “enemy alien� in 1940. This was his first satirical collection, and it contrarily claims to be:
�For xenophobes and anglophobes� Specially recommended to all supplicants for naturalisation�.
If it feels a little unoriginal, that’s only because it’s been copied so often since, including by Mikes himself. After this in 1946, he wrote in 1960, in 1977, and all three were combined into How to be a Brit in 1986.
In a similar vein:
� Bryson’s Notes from a Small Island. See my review HERE.
�
� Kate Fox’s Watching the English. See my review HERE.
�
And what about the Monty Python skit, , that Wikipedia thinks was inspired by ? You can watch the Pythons .
Back to this, it includes a comparison of how an incident would be reported in The Times, the House of Commons, the Londoner’s Diary of the Evening Standard, and the Oklahoma Sun - surely an inspiration for these famous lines from Yes, Prime Minister in 1986 that are still broadly true:
Image: "The national passion... An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one."
Oxymoronic Wildean observations
�In England everything is the other way round.�
The richest people have the scruffiest and most peculiar dress; Brits rarely lie, but would not dream of telling you the truth; introductions are a way to conceal a person’s identity, and while bargaining is bad and Continental, compromise is British and therefore good. For example:
�It is all right to have central heating in an English home, except in the bath room, because that is the only place where you are naked and wet at the same time, and you must give British germs a fair chance.�
And you must discuss the weather, but never contradict anyone about it. There’s even sample dialogue to practice!
Image: “The weather. This is the most important topic in the land.�
My favourite piece was the section on towns �designed for inconvenience and to confuse foreigners�: inconsistent house-numbering; houses with names instead of numbers; over 60 synonyms for “street�; lots of variants in close proximity (Belsize Park/Road/Green); the exact same name in different areas of the same town (dozens of Warwick Avenues, none of them near Warwick); street names printed on big signs but put too high, low, or in shadow to see them, and roads that have different names on opposite sides because they back onto different squares (diagram included!).
Quips
� “The British meteorologists forecast the right weather - as it really should .�
� “Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.�
� “It’s bad manners to be clever, to assert something confidently.�
� “The Labour Party is a fair compromise between Socialism and Bureaucracy.�
� “On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.�
Image: "The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead."
Joking about national stereotypes
I read this book alongside Eddo-Lodge’s Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, which is an excellent, serious, and up-to-date book about black British history and structural racism in the UK today (see my review HERE).
The combination made me very conscious that this is humour rooted in caricatures of difference. As it’s a minority person making jokes about the majority, that’s fine, as when people make jokes about their own groups:
Me: What do you call a blonde who flies a plane?
Someone else: I don't know. What do you call a blonde who flies a plane?
Me: A pilot, you sexist pig!
As a fair-haired woman, I can make that joke (adapted from one of Manny’s). But if I replaced “blonde� with, for example “black man�, it would be more problematic - even though the whole point of the joke is to call out other people’s prejudice.
Although an alien, Mikes was white, so had the possibility of blending in more than Black Britons born here - if he could just sound English enough. He was once told:
�You really speak the most excellent accent without the slightest English.�
But there was a personal cost, despite his wit. He highlights the word “naturalised�, and says:
�Before you obtain British citizenship, they simply doubt that you are provided by nature.�
And after being granted it:
�You must pretend that you are everything you are not and you must look down upon everything you are.�
Note “are�, not even “were�.
Nevertheless, the book is more amusing than I’m making it sound!
Image: English tea is horrible, but you will always be offered it and must never refuse it, not even �if it is hot; if it is cold; if you are tired; if anybody thinks that you might be tired� if you have just had a cup.�
The start of something
George Mikes came to England in 1938 as the London correspondent for two Hungarian newspapers, switched to working for the BBC, and stayed. He discovered that he’d been an alien all his life (as all non Brits are), that he didn’t really understand the nuances of the language that he spoke fluently, and that there was no escape:
�He may become British; he can never become English�.
The title is poignant because Mikes was interned on the Isle of Man as an “enemy alien� in 1940. This was his first satirical collection, and it contrarily claims to be:
�For xenophobes and anglophobes� Specially recommended to all supplicants for naturalisation�.
If it feels a little unoriginal, that’s only because it’s been copied so often since, including by Mikes himself. After this in 1946, he wrote in 1960, in 1977, and all three were combined into How to be a Brit in 1986.
In a similar vein:
� Bryson’s Notes from a Small Island. See my review HERE.
�
� Kate Fox’s Watching the English. See my review HERE.
�
And what about the Monty Python skit, , that Wikipedia thinks was inspired by ? You can watch the Pythons .
Back to this, it includes a comparison of how an incident would be reported in The Times, the House of Commons, the Londoner’s Diary of the Evening Standard, and the Oklahoma Sun - surely an inspiration for these famous lines from Yes, Prime Minister in 1986 that are still broadly true:
“Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers.
The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country;
The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country,
and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.�
Read
October 2, 2018When some years ago, knowing ten words of English and using them all wrong, I applied for a translator's job, my would be employer (or would-be-not-employer) softly remarked: 'I afraid your English is somewhat unorthodox.' This translated into any continental language would mean: EMPLOYER (to the commissionaire): 'Jean, kick this gentleman down the steps!'
The Hungarian George Mikes wrote this brief introduction to living in the UK shortly after WWII. While not entirely au courant it does, unlike many a guide to life in the UK, provide you with helpful advice about what to do if you become a bus driver or what to say if you get elected to the House of Commons.
Short. enjoyable and highly recommended for time travellers.
March 20, 2018
There is an anecdote in this book that I have often thought about. When Mikes was a young man, he worked for a while as a clerk at a lawyer's office in Budapest. One morning, he assisted in a large property transaction. Things were not done electronically in those days, and the seller had come in with a roll of a dozen or so title deeds done up with a rubber band. He took off the rubber band and spread them out on the table, while the buyer carefully read through each one before handing over a check for the equivalent of several million dollars. When they were finished, they shook hands on the deal. The buyer started getting ready to leave, and suddenly asked:
"Could I have the rubber band please? It's a bit hard to keep everything together."
"Of course!" said the seller. "That'll be another ten cents."
____________________________
[Update, Mar 20 2018]
I thought of this episode again the other day when we watched Christopher Plummer's masterly portrayal of John Paul Getty in All the Money in the World. It was very easy to imagine him asking for those ten cents.
"Could I have the rubber band please? It's a bit hard to keep everything together."
"Of course!" said the seller. "That'll be another ten cents."
____________________________
[Update, Mar 20 2018]
I thought of this episode again the other day when we watched Christopher Plummer's masterly portrayal of John Paul Getty in All the Money in the World. It was very easy to imagine him asking for those ten cents.
June 9, 2017
"Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot water bottles."
Need I say more?
Five stars, all the way.
Need I say more?
Five stars, all the way.
July 17, 2017
You can draw a straight line from this through Bill Bryson’s Notes from a Small Island to the Very British Problems phenomenon. Mikes (that’s “mee-kesh� � he was Hungarian) made humorous observations that have, in general, aged well. The mini-essays on tea, weather, and queuing struck me as particularly apt. I’d heard this line before, though I can’t remember where: “An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.�
Other favorite lines:
“It is all right to have central heating in an English home, except the bath room, because that is the only place where you are naked and wet at the same time, and you must give British germs a fair chance.� [this reminds me of when my mother made her first trip to England in 2004 to visit me during my study abroad year; in her family newsletter reporting on the experience, one of her key observations was, “British bathrooms are antiquated.� My husband and I still quote this to each other regularly.]
“Street names should be painted clearly and distinctly on large boards. Then hide these boards carefully. Place them too high or too low, in shadow and darkness, upside down and inside out, or, even better, lock them up in a safe in your bank, otherwise they may give people some indication abut the names of the streets.�
(Read from the How to Be a Brit omnibus.)
Other favorite lines:
“It is all right to have central heating in an English home, except the bath room, because that is the only place where you are naked and wet at the same time, and you must give British germs a fair chance.� [this reminds me of when my mother made her first trip to England in 2004 to visit me during my study abroad year; in her family newsletter reporting on the experience, one of her key observations was, “British bathrooms are antiquated.� My husband and I still quote this to each other regularly.]
“Street names should be painted clearly and distinctly on large boards. Then hide these boards carefully. Place them too high or too low, in shadow and darkness, upside down and inside out, or, even better, lock them up in a safe in your bank, otherwise they may give people some indication abut the names of the streets.�
(Read from the How to Be a Brit omnibus.)
January 5, 2022
A surprise Christmas gift from parents who have long experienced my incessant complaining about living in England as a foreign citizen, How to Be an Alien is a guidebook for how to survive in this strange, grey country, and most importantly, how to understand the minds of the otherwise incomprehensible English people.
Everything is certainly a bit exaggerated, but on nearly every page, I couldn't help but be amused at how shockingly accurate the descriptions remain.
Everything is certainly a bit exaggerated, but on nearly every page, I couldn't help but be amused at how shockingly accurate the descriptions remain.
January 30, 2010
George Mikes was an alien. He wrote the book in 1946 to show the British how he felt about them. He is funny, rude and mocks them as often as possible. But somehow, though he didn't intend the book to be amusing, the English people read it and thought it was funny.
Many continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.
***
Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
***
On the Continent, if people are waiting at a bus-stop they loiter around in a seemingly vague fashion. When the bus arrives, they make a dash for it; most of them leave by the bus and a lucky minority is taken away by an elegant black ambulance car. An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
***
It is easy to be rude on the Continent. You just shout and call people names of a zoological character.
In England rudeness has quite a different technique. If somebody tells you an obviously untrue story, on the Continent you would remark "You are a liar, Sir, and a rather dirty one at that." In England you just say "Oh, is that so?" Or "That's rather an unusual story, isn't it?"
***
In the last century, when a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut off without much ceremony; but when the same happened in England, the monarch declared: "We are not amused"; and the whole British nation even now, a century later, is immensely proud of how rude their Queen was.
***
A continental gentleman seeing a nice panorama may remark:
"This view reminds me of Ultrecht, where the peace treaty concluding the War of Spanish Succession was signed on the 11th April, 1713. The river there, however, recalls the Guadalquivir, which rises in the Sierra de Cazorla and flows south-west to the Atlantic Ocean and is 650 kilometres long. Oh rivers ... what did Pascal say about them? 'Les rivières sont les chemins qui marchent ...' "
This pompous, showing-off way of speaking is not permissible in England. The Englishman looking at the same view would remain silent for two or three hours and think about how to put his profound feelings into words. The he would remark:
"It's pretty, isn't it?"
***
Always laugh at everybody's joke - but be careful to tell a joke from a serious and profound observation. Be polite in a teasing, nonchalant manner. Sneer at everything you are not intelligent enough to understand. You may flirt with anybody's wife, but respect the ties of illegitimate friendships - unless you have a really good opportunity which it would be such a pity to miss. Don't forget that well-pressed trousers, carefully knotted ties and silk shirts are the greatest of all human values. Never be sober after 6:30p.m.
***
The verb to naturalise clearly proves what the british think of you. Before you are admitted to British citizenship you are not even considered a natural human being [...:] Note that before you obtain British citizenship, they simply doubt you are provided by nature.
If naturalised, remember these rules:
1. You must start eating porridge for breakfast and allege that you like it.
2. Speak English with your former compatriots. Deny that you know any foreign language (including your mother tongue). The knowledge of foreign languages is very un-English. A little French is permissible, but only with an atrocious accent.
3. Revise your library. Get rid of all foreign writers whether in the original or translated into English. The works of Dostoevsky should be replaced with a volume on English birds; the collected works of Proust by a book called "Interior Decoration in the Regency Period"; and Pascal's "Pensées" by the "Life and Thoughts of a Scottish Salmon."
4. Speaking of your new compatriots, always use the first person plural.
Many continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.
***
Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
***
On the Continent, if people are waiting at a bus-stop they loiter around in a seemingly vague fashion. When the bus arrives, they make a dash for it; most of them leave by the bus and a lucky minority is taken away by an elegant black ambulance car. An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
***
It is easy to be rude on the Continent. You just shout and call people names of a zoological character.
In England rudeness has quite a different technique. If somebody tells you an obviously untrue story, on the Continent you would remark "You are a liar, Sir, and a rather dirty one at that." In England you just say "Oh, is that so?" Or "That's rather an unusual story, isn't it?"
***
In the last century, when a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut off without much ceremony; but when the same happened in England, the monarch declared: "We are not amused"; and the whole British nation even now, a century later, is immensely proud of how rude their Queen was.
***
A continental gentleman seeing a nice panorama may remark:
"This view reminds me of Ultrecht, where the peace treaty concluding the War of Spanish Succession was signed on the 11th April, 1713. The river there, however, recalls the Guadalquivir, which rises in the Sierra de Cazorla and flows south-west to the Atlantic Ocean and is 650 kilometres long. Oh rivers ... what did Pascal say about them? 'Les rivières sont les chemins qui marchent ...' "
This pompous, showing-off way of speaking is not permissible in England. The Englishman looking at the same view would remain silent for two or three hours and think about how to put his profound feelings into words. The he would remark:
"It's pretty, isn't it?"
***
Always laugh at everybody's joke - but be careful to tell a joke from a serious and profound observation. Be polite in a teasing, nonchalant manner. Sneer at everything you are not intelligent enough to understand. You may flirt with anybody's wife, but respect the ties of illegitimate friendships - unless you have a really good opportunity which it would be such a pity to miss. Don't forget that well-pressed trousers, carefully knotted ties and silk shirts are the greatest of all human values. Never be sober after 6:30p.m.
***
The verb to naturalise clearly proves what the british think of you. Before you are admitted to British citizenship you are not even considered a natural human being [...:] Note that before you obtain British citizenship, they simply doubt you are provided by nature.
If naturalised, remember these rules:
1. You must start eating porridge for breakfast and allege that you like it.
2. Speak English with your former compatriots. Deny that you know any foreign language (including your mother tongue). The knowledge of foreign languages is very un-English. A little French is permissible, but only with an atrocious accent.
3. Revise your library. Get rid of all foreign writers whether in the original or translated into English. The works of Dostoevsky should be replaced with a volume on English birds; the collected works of Proust by a book called "Interior Decoration in the Regency Period"; and Pascal's "Pensées" by the "Life and Thoughts of a Scottish Salmon."
4. Speaking of your new compatriots, always use the first person plural.
February 28, 2020
Τούτο το βιβλιαράκι το αγόρασα το 2018 λίγο-πολύ στην τύχη, με ενάμισι ευρώ, από το κλασικό και αγαπημένο παζάρι βιβλίου. Ο Τζορτζ Μικές (ή Μάικς) γεννήθηκε στην Ουγγαρία και το 1938, όντας απεσταλμένος από την εφημερίδα του στο Λονδίνο, αποφάσισε να εγκατασταθεί μια και καλή στην Αγγλία. Έγραψε κάμποσα βιβλία, αλλά αυτό εδώ είναι το πιο γνωστό του. Εντάξει, οι Άγγλοι έχουν γενικά χιούμορ και έναν κάποιο αυτοσαρκασμό, αλλά δεν περίμενε ότι θα το αγαπήσουν και θα γελάσουν με δαύτο. Σου λέει, τα είπα έξω από τα δόντια για τα τερτίπια σας, ουσιαστικά σας κράζω και σας σατιρίζω, και εσείς κάνετε το βιβλίο μου μπεστ σέλερ; Οπωσδήποτε είναι ένα αστείο και ευχάριστο βιβλίο, αν και βέβαια προϊόν μιας άλλης εποχής. Αν γνωρίζει κανείς την αγγλική κοινωνία, μπορεί να πιάσει τα περισσότερα από τα αστεία και τα ανέκδοτα, αλλά έτσι κι αλλιώς έχει την πλάκα του, ενώ και η γραφή είναι πολύ ωραία και ιδιαίτερα ευχάριστη. Στη βιβλιοθήκη μου έχω και το "Ο κατάσκοπος που πέθανε από πλήξη", το οποίο προφανώς παρωδεί τα κατασκοπευτικά μυθιστορήματα. (7.5/10)
August 11, 2017
I love the tongue-in-cheek humor of this book. The English are masters of understatement. According to the author, when a boy is declaring his love for a girl he "pats his adored one on the back and says softly: "I don't object to you, you know." If he is quite mad with passion, he may add: "I rather fancy you in fact.""
In my workspace at the Library I have a cartoon about refusing a cup of tea in England is equal to anarchy, so, it was with much amusement that I read the following in this book: "There are some occasions when you must not refuse a cup of tea, otherwise you are judged an exotic and barbarous bird without any hope of ever being able to take your place in civilized society." Overall, a rather funny book and as they say, "many a true word is spoken in jest."
In my workspace at the Library I have a cartoon about refusing a cup of tea in England is equal to anarchy, so, it was with much amusement that I read the following in this book: "There are some occasions when you must not refuse a cup of tea, otherwise you are judged an exotic and barbarous bird without any hope of ever being able to take your place in civilized society." Overall, a rather funny book and as they say, "many a true word is spoken in jest."
June 18, 2021
What a delightful read!! Not since Wodehouse have I read something this funny. I think it was Yousufi who wrote somewhere that "English humor is very deep and English philosophy is really shallow". George Mikes (pronounced Mikesh) wasn't even English, he was a Hungarian who spent some very (what turned out to be very fruitful) years in England (just like Conrad). But instead of acquiring all the distasteful prudery of English fiction (apologies to Anglo(fiction)philes (or kafkaing or into the bitter morbid brilliance of Conrad), he acquired the proverbial dry English wit and satirized about the English from the Central European perspective. These short humorous essays (or rather vignettes) which range from the English weather, to food, to romance ; well just about all aspects of English cultures, seen from the eyes of a foreigner . Some would argue it is the exclusiveness of the detached society, where every person seems like an island unto him/herself, which lends itself to be the object of great farces (Hast thou something to compareth Shakesparean comedies with).
My two "pennies" : "Keep calm and read Mikes". I for one, am hopping on to his next one.
My two "pennies" : "Keep calm and read Mikes". I for one, am hopping on to his next one.
January 17, 2016
كتابٌ طريف. كيف تكون أجنبياً. الكاتب مجريّ أمضى معظم عمره في بريطانيا، ويتحدث بأسلوب ساخر عن طبائع الإنجليز التي تميزهم عن بقية الأوروبيين (وعن باقي العالم عموماً).
ينقل الكتاب أحاديث الإنجليز عن الطقس ويتناول لغتهم وأساليب تعبيرهم وما يعتبرونه فظاً ونحوه.
بعض الاقتباسات من الكتاب:
"إذا ما كنت تشبه الإنجليز فإنهم يرون أنك مضحك. إذا لم تكن تشبههم فإنهم يرون أنك مضحكٌ أكثر "
" في إنجلترا الناس لا يكادون يكذبون أبدا، ولكنهم لا يكادون يكونون صادقين معك أيضاً. "
...
في الفصول الأخيرة يتحدث عن مواضيع محلية جداً، مثل أماكن مشهورة في لندن وغير ذلك. وينتهي بفصلٍ عن "التجنيس" أو اكتساب الجنسية. ويتحدث بتهكم عن الفعل المستخدم في الإنجليزية لذلك وهو:
naturalize
والذي يعني حرفيا: أن يُحول الشخص إلى شخص طبيعي.
إن الفعل " يجنس
naturalize "
يبين لك أنه ينبغي أن تصير بريطانياً لكي تكون إنساناً طبيعياً.
ابحث عن الكلمة
natural
في القاموس. إنها تعني "حقيقي". أي أنه إن لم يتم تجنيسك فأنت لست شخصاً حقيقياً. لتصير شخصاً حقيقياً، ينبغي أن تصير بريطانياً. عليك أن تطلب من الحكومة أن تجعلك بريطانياً. يمكن للحكومة أن تجيب بنعم أو يمكنها أن تجيب بلا.
ينقل الكتاب أحاديث الإنجليز عن الطقس ويتناول لغتهم وأساليب تعبيرهم وما يعتبرونه فظاً ونحوه.
بعض الاقتباسات من الكتاب:
"إذا ما كنت تشبه الإنجليز فإنهم يرون أنك مضحك. إذا لم تكن تشبههم فإنهم يرون أنك مضحكٌ أكثر "
" في إنجلترا الناس لا يكادون يكذبون أبدا، ولكنهم لا يكادون يكونون صادقين معك أيضاً. "
...
في الفصول الأخيرة يتحدث عن مواضيع محلية جداً، مثل أماكن مشهورة في لندن وغير ذلك. وينتهي بفصلٍ عن "التجنيس" أو اكتساب الجنسية. ويتحدث بتهكم عن الفعل المستخدم في الإنجليزية لذلك وهو:
naturalize
والذي يعني حرفيا: أن يُحول الشخص إلى شخص طبيعي.
إن الفعل " يجنس
naturalize "
يبين لك أنه ينبغي أن تصير بريطانياً لكي تكون إنساناً طبيعياً.
ابحث عن الكلمة
natural
في القاموس. إنها تعني "حقيقي". أي أنه إن لم يتم تجنيسك فأنت لست شخصاً حقيقياً. لتصير شخصاً حقيقياً، ينبغي أن تصير بريطانياً. عليك أن تطلب من الحكومة أن تجعلك بريطانياً. يمكن للحكومة أن تجيب بنعم أو يمكنها أن تجيب بلا.
March 24, 2011
"People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth"
This and other witty insights into the English psyche can be found in How to be an Alien. Its observations are surprisingly spot on and valid even today, despite it having been written more than 60 years ago.
Driven by his frustration to always being treated as the foreigner in a country where he’s doing his very best to blend in, Hungarian-born George Mikes set out to ridicule the English. Ironically, this was lost on them and rather than causing an outrage How to be an Alien was received with open arms by the very same it sought to scorn. The English couldn’t get enough of Mikes, and I think he might have overlooked the fact that, if anything, the British like nothing better than to ‘take the piss�. How to be an Alien is an entertaining guide to the workings of British society, both for Aliens (such as myself) and the English. Best book I've read in 2011 so far!
This and other witty insights into the English psyche can be found in How to be an Alien. Its observations are surprisingly spot on and valid even today, despite it having been written more than 60 years ago.
Driven by his frustration to always being treated as the foreigner in a country where he’s doing his very best to blend in, Hungarian-born George Mikes set out to ridicule the English. Ironically, this was lost on them and rather than causing an outrage How to be an Alien was received with open arms by the very same it sought to scorn. The English couldn’t get enough of Mikes, and I think he might have overlooked the fact that, if anything, the British like nothing better than to ‘take the piss�. How to be an Alien is an entertaining guide to the workings of British society, both for Aliens (such as myself) and the English. Best book I've read in 2011 so far!
December 21, 2023
Дуже легка й приємна книжка про англійців. Автор з гумором розповідає про свої спостереження.
Раджу🏴❤️
Раджу🏴❤️
August 17, 2024
A book you can easily read in one sitting, filled to the brim with making fun of British people.
I rest my case.
I rest my case.
March 21, 2025
shit kinda ate
April 3, 2019
Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
Occasionally hilarious; generally fun. 2.5.
Occasionally hilarious; generally fun. 2.5.
May 23, 2021
Before Bill Bryson's Notes From a Small Island.
Before Jeremy Paxman's The English
Before Kate Fox's Watching The English
There once was George Mikes' How to Be An Alien.
The first three are thick books written by patriotic Brits around the turn of the millenium.
The last is a tiny little number written by a horrified immigrant after the second world war.
Which is why Mikes tells us things the English will never tell us about themselves.
'How queer' and 'I am sorry, but...' are indeed very rude expressions.
'Oh is that so?' and 'that's rather an unusual story' are indeed ways to call someone a liar.
"Please don't bully me" will indeed result in an argument, whereas "I repudiate your petulant expostulations" will indeed end one before it starts.
Everything is indeed 'nice'
You must never never never say "pleased to meet you" nor shake an extended hand in a timely fashion. If only I had read this book before moving there!!
Although in this supreme wisdom of Mikes', even if I had read it on arrival I would not have understood it until after suffering the consequences:
"People on the continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth."
Indeed.
Before Jeremy Paxman's The English
Before Kate Fox's Watching The English
There once was George Mikes' How to Be An Alien.
The first three are thick books written by patriotic Brits around the turn of the millenium.
The last is a tiny little number written by a horrified immigrant after the second world war.
Which is why Mikes tells us things the English will never tell us about themselves.
'How queer' and 'I am sorry, but...' are indeed very rude expressions.
'Oh is that so?' and 'that's rather an unusual story' are indeed ways to call someone a liar.
"Please don't bully me" will indeed result in an argument, whereas "I repudiate your petulant expostulations" will indeed end one before it starts.
Everything is indeed 'nice'
You must never never never say "pleased to meet you" nor shake an extended hand in a timely fashion. If only I had read this book before moving there!!
Although in this supreme wisdom of Mikes', even if I had read it on arrival I would not have understood it until after suffering the consequences:
"People on the continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth."
Indeed.
July 25, 2017
In England everything is different. You must understand that when people say'England', they sometimes mean 'Great Britain'(England, Scotland and W'ales), sometimes 'the United Kingdom' (England, Scotland,'Wales and Northern Ireland), sometimes the
'British Isles' (England, Scotland,Wales, Northern lreland and the Republic of Ireland) - but never just England.
...
In Europe nobody talks about the weather; in England, you have to say 'Nice day, isn't it?'about two hundred times every day, or people think you are a bit boring. ...
Very humorous little book.
April 30, 2013
An immigrant's view on English. First published in 1946 this little book is still funny and rings true. The book is full of awesome quotes like:
In the last century, when a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut off without much ceremony; but when the same happened in England, the monarch declared: “We are not amused�; and the whole British nation even now, a century later, is immensely proud of how rude their Queen was.
In the last century, when a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut off without much ceremony; but when the same happened in England, the monarch declared: “We are not amused�; and the whole British nation even now, a century later, is immensely proud of how rude their Queen was.
July 10, 2017
Not an unpleasant read. In fact, really rather nice. Like the weather.
January 25, 2022
I came across this title in an editor’s memoir where she outlined how this little book came to be. Written in 1946, I really enjoyed the observations of British society (then), language and mannerisms, all wrapped up in delightful humour.
The second part was a little less funny so overall it is more of a 3star read for me but given that it was first published 75 years ago but still made me chuckle and read out short paragraphs to my other half definition warrants that additional star. Fun!
The second part was a little less funny so overall it is more of a 3star read for me but given that it was first published 75 years ago but still made me chuckle and read out short paragraphs to my other half definition warrants that additional star. Fun!
April 28, 2020
Honestly, this was such a delightful , quick read . I really enjoyed its funny side 😂 I think I might land this book to my younger brother ( I think it’s a great short story for beginners ) . But all in all, I really enjoyed the sarcasm in this book 😂💞
November 24, 2017
The was quite a fun read.
'An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one'.
'An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one'.
March 1, 2019
It's very hilarious the way that English people is described.
September 7, 2021
This book is amazing and made me smile today and i think it's all i need to tell you about this book
October 15, 2021
Funny
October 16, 2021
Maybe I'm a little British
July 23, 2022
Hilarious
Read
November 7, 2022beautiful book innit
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