"Everyone in this book talks and acts like a horny teenager. No matter if they're in their 20s, 30s or 60s. The book is also set in the 80s, but everyone sounds like they have a Tumblr blog.

Additionally, these quotes are ... something?

a low rumbling voice that literally caused Joe's testicles to vibrate

Literally? Please see a doctor

The psychic cilia inside my intestines are wiggling with joy

No really. Go and see a doctor

If I looked as good as him, I'd be shish-kebabbing so many bottoms I could open a Greek good truck

I had to read this sentence and now so do you

Vince kissed Ronnie with the right amount of push and pull by the lips and tongue, a good balance of wet and dry, hard and soft, with the perfect number of rest stops and a hungry tension, like a roller coaster climbing to a drop

I have read instruction manuals that were sexier than this. I mean ... rest stops? A roller coaster?

Vince's lips and tongue, like two small fists, beat Joe's mouth into submission, sucking and biting his lips.

You thought the roller coaster was bad? There's worse kissing scenes in this book.

Our orgies, though unphotographed, lasted days. Bliss exploded everywhere, staining everything and everyone with joy.

I'll leave you with this beautiful mental image, that hopefully makes you understand why I'm not going to read the whole book."