"I’m just going to come right out and say it: this book has a Grade 1 ick factor.

I want to burn this book. If I became a whistleblower and got awarded $104 million, I would spend it purchasing every copy of this book and burn them. And then print copies just to burn them again.

I hate this guy for so many reasons. He refers to himself as "a real American tax hero" with a straight face. More than once. He clearly sees himself as a badass Wild West gunslinger (the word "gunslinger" actually got used several time) - a daring, charismatic David taking on the Goliath of UBS.

Mind you, the only reason he blew the whistle was that his bosses were going to pin the fraud on him (and, after all, he WAS involved in the fraud). Not because he wanted to save American taxpayers (lol, he thinks the tax code is "fascist" because it taxes the wealthy so much). A saint, he ain't.

AND SO MODEST. Direct quote: “Armed with a big pair of cojones, financial smarts, and plenty of charm, I'd made millions of dollars [at the Swiss bank]."

And he’s so fucking entitled and so blind about that fact. He talks about how he always believed in the American justice system, and thought it was fair and righteous, until his own run-in with them.

Lol, you thought that? Really? And it took you, personally, being convicted (and released just 30 months later) to realize it? And he's white and was a multi-millionaire before he got arrested. Did it seriously never even occur to him that poor, black people were getting arrested for a reason other than justice?

Here is a very abbreviated catalog of the shitty things this man says:

1. He calls one of his ex-girlfriends (who is Brazilian) “exotic.�� THIS IS SO WHITE AND CREEPY.

2. Direct quote; the only edit I made was toCAPS LOCK THE ABSURD PART: "We'd hop in my fire-red Ferrari 550 Maranello . . . my swiss chalet wasn't so special unless you're partial to magnums of Laurent-Perrier champagne, fresh beluga caviar, or boxes of Churchill cigars flown in from Havana. I guess it was nice if you like Swiss chocolates, Audemars Piguet watches, Brioni suits, and GORGEOUS GIRLS WHO CARE ONLY ABOUT PLEASING YOU."

Let. That. Sink. In. He lists HUMAN BEINGS like they are OBJECTS FOR HIS PLEASURE. Like they’re cigars or suits or GODDAMN FOOD.

3. He breaks up with his girlfriend when he gets a new job in another city, but he isn’t worried because he knows “the types of women�� he’s going to meet and that he’ll “soon be over her.�� Because, obviously, hot women are all exactly the same and you can just trade them in or upgrade as needed.

4. For Bradley Birkenfeld, men have “strong work ethics�� or are “American heroes��--women have “beauty�� or "sweetness" or, god forbid, "manners."

5. He played the orgasm scene of When Harry Met Sally when one of his coworkers locked down a deal, but "that only happened once—a lady in the office, of Middle East extraction, complained.�� Sexist, elitist�� I was getting worried we wouldn’t get racist in there, too!

6. He talks about how a lot of Jews died in the Holocaust but their money didn't, "to the benefit of Swiss banks." Please, sweet mother of Jesus, tell me that didn't really get printed in a real book.

7. His condo, worth millions, had a sign that read “Strong Ale and Loose Women�� on the door.

8. Obviously, because it's Bradley Birkenfeld, he refers to a woman judge as a "Judge Judy-type." Simply no.

9. He refers to all women—and only women—as “my dear�� and “darling." No men.

10. Especially his "beautiful young" assistant—who, he was quick to say, he “never touched”—“she was much too fine an assistant.�� They “teased here and there, but it was always hands-off.�� Puke. So you sexually harassed your employee? The worst part is, he genuinely seems to think he's a great guy for not putting hands on his employee. Bare minimum, Brad.

11. Every single woman who appears is defined by her appearance and little else. Literally, every fucking page we encounter a “beautiful�� or “gorgeous�� or “pretty�� or “slim�� or “provocative�� or “sexy�� woman, with a “slim body�� or a “magnificent chest�� or a “curvy figure�� or “endless legs�� or “Latina charm��. This guy is TRASH. Full stop.

It gets even worse when he tries to describe women he doesn't like. For instance, a woman who worked in the US Department of Justice, is described as “bulging from a Kmart brown suit, with tiny dark eyes and a permanent frown beneath a lifeless flat hairdo; she seemed dumb as a box of rocks.��

Later, she says to him, “You’re no whistleblower! You’re nothing but a tipster!��

In response, he thinks, Excuse me? Did we have some horrible one-night stand I don’t remember?

HE EVEN MANAGES TO SEXUALIZE SOMEONE HE HATES.

A short time later, she says something mockingly to him, and he goes, I was already thinking I’d like to dive over the table and choke the stupid bitch, but I ignored her. What a goddamn psychopath.

[He also later says the same woman is like her male colleague’s pet dog. FUCKER.]

12. “Ten girls are standing there, with comely smiles and manicured fingers on cocked hips. Mauro grins at me. ‘Choose anyone you want, Bradley. It’s all on me.�� It’s hard to choose. They’re all gorgeous and naked. So that’s why I couldn’t just walk away from [the fraud]. It was too much fun, and way too profitable."

I rest my case. Burn this book."