"I want to start by saying 1. Buckle in for a long review 2. Don't crucify me for what I say, pls, and 3. I think this is the second Onley James book I've read. The first one was Maniac, and I finished it right before reading this book. The Sin Eater came up on my Kindle app maybe a month or two ago, and I've been excited to read it since.

I loved Boone and Payton's chemistry and dynamic. They worked well together and had hot, steamy sex. Their dirty talk was good, and when they were together and interacting, it really was just great.

So, if you're wondering why I gave it 3 stars, well, it's mainly for one reason. At times, it felt like Remi and Drake (but mostly Remi) were the main "show" instead of Payton and Boone.

Why do I say this, you ask? Well, listen, IDK if I'm being crazy or dramatic, but there would be sections of the book just about Remi and Drake or their drama. The paragraphs dedicated to descriptors or facts about Remi and Drake would then make me more interested in them. For example, reading about what Remi was like before Drake came into his life, or Remi being cold to Drake for reasons unbeknownst to the reader, that leaves even Drake confused, makes me want to stop reading this book, and read Drake and Remi's story.

Drake and Remi will also have sections where it feels like everyone else is the third wheel. No joke, sometimes they had their little moments so often that when it'd shift back to Payton or Boone or Payton and Boone, I'd be like "wait, no, go back! I want to see what's going on with Drake and Remi!" Which is CRAZY because like I said, I loved Payton and Boone.

If it helps put it into perspective, Boone and Payton are mentioned over a thousand times in this book. Normal and as it should be, since this is their book. Dove was mentioned 69 times, Park 134 times, Gift 200 times, Drake 295 times, and Remi... Remi was mentioned 563 times. That's A LOT! I get that the scandal happened to him, but still.

Anyway, like I mentioned, this is only my second James book, and so IDK if Drake and Remi have their own book in another series or what, but at one point I left this book to go search for their book. Also, it was about 52% in when it was, yet again, briefly focused on Remi. I get it, Payton and Boone are helping solve who the hacker is. But I feel like because of how it was written, they felt almost like side characters in their own book. If there wasn't so much of an emphasis on Drake and Remi, then I think I'd feel differently, but we're just told so much about them. We're even told that Drake is jealous of another character's interaction with Remi. I wanna hear more about Boone or Payton's jealousy, not Drake's!

By this point, the two main characters, I think, had only hooked up once (maybe more, I can't remember), and it felt like there was no real progression between them. I don't feel like Payton and Boone talked talked until about 60% in. They had a little conversation where I was like, okay, more of this, please! Don't get me wrong, of course they talked beforehand, but this talk was deeper.

Also, I feel like Drake and Remi might just be the big build up couple to this series because even when I was on Onley James' website reading the first chapter sample for the first book in the series which is about Park and Gift (I didn't read it first because this book was on KU and I had already bought Maniac) Drake and Remi are STILL stealing the show in my eyes in the sample. I think what it is is I'm just so damn curious about the two of them bc of how much they're mentioned and it doesn't help that it's non stop. They got mentioned so much that even my review mentions them more than Payton and Boone!

Sooooo... with all that being said, I lowkey got a little bored with the main character's which is CRAZY because when they're together, I was absolutely living for it. Daddy kink? Check. Age difference? Check. Headmaster and student dynamic? Check. Some of the tropes I love, and their chemistry was just off the charts. And don't get me wrong, this book was still obviously about Payton and Boone, but the Drake and Remi mentions were so plentiful that sometimes I couldn't get back into the Payton and Boone show because the Drake and Remi show would air just before it and would end on a cliffhanger that kept me wanting more until their next interaction.

Also, I want to reiterate my point. I don't necessarily mind that the scandal happened to someone other than the main two characters because the whole adventure of Boone and Payton solving it could've been cool. But, it was just that we got hit with so much information about Drake and Remi that, TO ME, it would take away from the main duo.

After the 65% mark, I low-key skimmed the rest of the book, so tomorrow when I get up, I'll try and re-read it with fresh eyes.

Sorry if this was long or incoherent"

"Apparently I've read this 41 times now. I might have a problem.

Original review:
"Because it can be life-affirming and scary as hell, all at the same time."

When I first realized I was asexual I was 24 years old and had never been in a relationship with another person (I still haven't) and for years I thought I was broken. I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't want what my friends wanted, and even when I did think I had a crush, I still don't know if I actually felt that way or if I was just performing the way society told me I should. I am grateful for the fact that I never felt pressured into a relationship or encounter I didn't want as many asexuals do. I first came out as bi, because I thought that since I didn't really like guys that much I must like girls. But while that felt moderately better, it still wasn't right. I first heard the word aromantic and when I really started to research asexuality the more that term made sense to me. It was life-affirming and scary as hell. I was absolutely terrified about what that meant for me and my future. But at the same time I found a place that I fit, that I truly felt connected to and seen in a way I had never before been.

I have now read multiple books with ace rep but none of them had the visceral emotional impact that this one did. Most of the ace rep I've read has either been YA or featured characters who had always known they were ace. Which is why Jordan finally figuring it out at age 26 was revolutionary for me. I've never seen a character with who I so closely align. He is nerdy, obsessed with books, enjoys romance, kind of a rambling fool most of the time, and anxious as all get out. I love him. Then we have Hennessy, who I mean is also a wonderfully complex and well crafted character. I can't remember if his age is given, but he has his own baggage but runs an asexual and aromantic support group (which if we can talk about how amazing that very idea is). I am still shaky thinking about how cool it would be to be in a room with others on the a-spectrum in real life.

This book does many many things right. First and foremost the asexual rep is all encompassing and welcoming. The ace community is truly one of the most welcoming places I've ever experiences and because being asexual and aromantic can be complex and varied, each and every ace is different. No two stories are the same and no two experiences will be the same. Some aces experience desire and have sex, while others are sex repulsed, and everything in between. Jordan and Hennessy both are sex positive (meaning they don't mind sex in media, books, or others) but don't want to have sex themselves. They do both experience romantic attraction and desire a romantic relationship without a sexual component.

Let's chat super quick about being in a relationship with someone who is asexual or aromantic. Communication is vital and understanding what the other person wants and needs are essential to a successful relationship. For this reason, many aces have traumatic histories with allos and seek a relationship with another ace. That is the case in this particular story. Not all aces want a relationship at all and that is also valid.

The way asexuality is discussed is done so well and so completely without being preachy. The support group is a great setting to discuss the complicated facets of asexuality without reading like a nonfiction book. There were so many moments that I hadn't read those words within a fiction book and had to sit with the feeling of being seen for a minute. I cried many times throughout, but they weren't sad tears, they were tears from finally being acknowledged as valid and perfect the way I am. It's a powerful feeling and not one I can quite explain with words. Just know that if you identify on the aspec you need to read this book. I think allos should also read it but it is an absolutely necessary piece of fiction for aces and aros.

This is 100% a character driven story and the way Jordan and Hennessy's relationship evolves is precious. I had a stupid grin on my face for so many parts because it was just too cute (and I knew there wasn't going to be a big sex scene). I've seen critiques of Jordan's character being too awkward and bumbling, but I loved that about him. I'm a sucker for flawed characters and I'd much rather have a character who is so nervous they ramble about random things vs someone who articulated everything perfectly. It adds complexity and I'm here for it.

I still feel like this review doesn't do this book justice because I just don't know how to explain how valuable and essential this story and characters is to my very being. I needed this book and these words. I needed to see an ace character come out in their twenties and struggle and celebrate at the same time.

This book also has lesbian, bisexual, and poly (marriage with a third) representation in addition to asexual and aromantic.

In summary: It's great and wonderful and precious and you should read it.


Original Thoughts immediately after finishing:
I don't know what to say that could possible sum up how much I love this book and how necessary it is. I've read quite a bit of ace rep by now, but I think this one may be my favorite. I love contemporary books and character driven stories and that's what this is.

Every asexual's experience is different and we all have different wants and needs regarding romance and sex. I haven't yet read a book with a MC who is 26 and coming out as ace and that felt like a huge deal for me. It mirrored some of my own experiences and while I'm still very different from Jordan, I do feel connected to his character in a way I don't often feel.

Reread December 2022

Reread October 2022 take two

Reread October 2022

Reread August 2022

Reread June 2022
Happy Upside Down Anniversary to me and my 34th read of this gem ๐ŸŽ‰

Reread April 2022
Typically when I do my rereads of this I spend an afternoon listening to it and falling in love all over again but this time I stretched it out over five or six days and listened to a little bit here and there and it was so soothing. This book literally heals my soul every time I listen to it and stretching it out and consuming just bits at a time were like little itty bitty hugs and words of comfort. Sometimes when I reread I kind of forget what I'm doing and miss sections of the story because I've listened so many times but by doing it this way I was able to really connect with each part of it in the you know 20 or 30 minute spans of time. If you haven't read this book yet please do so.

Reread #2 for February 2022
Well this healed my soul. I just finished a really terrible book and I needed a book that I know I would love and this did the trick. God I love this book so much.

Reread February 2022
Perfect as always.

Reread January 2022
Did I literally just read this book on the last day if 2021? Yes. Did I also listen to the audio while organizing my 2021 wrap up books? Also yes. Maybe this will be a new tradition of reading it during the first and last months of the year. Scroll way down for my original long raving rambling review. Pretty sure this is the 30th time I've read this one. It's obviously a favorite ๐Ÿ˜‚

Reread December 2021
With a few minutes to midnight it's only fitting that this was my final read of 2021. I adore this book with my entire being and have thoroughly enjoyed my monthly rereads. I don't know that I will be able to read this monthly next year but will definitely relistening at least a few times.

Reread November 2021

Reread October 2021
I've read this book enough times now that I am VERY familiar with just about every page. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to everyone and while I love it with my entire soul, I'd be remiss to say that it's perfect. It's not and today I want to take a couple moments to point out some issues.
-most obvious is the the HP reference. It's one moment but its one moment too many.
-lack of arospec rep and information. This book is based on an aro and ace support group yet not a single member was arospec? that doesn't seem cool. It's like the author wanted to include aro but then either didn't have the knowledge to actually include an aro character or did it just for clout, neither of which are acceptable.
-not a problematic moment but the pacing is off on the first week of bus dates and it drives me nuts every time. There's 6 days but it's only supposed to be mon-fri.
-one strange moment about "finding your tribe" this seems like indigenous cultural appropriation to me and just rubs me wrong each time. This phrase could also hold different meanings in Australia vs the US so it could be my own biases.

Reread September 2021

Reread #? August 2021
I was just thinking this morning that this was going to be the first month that I wasn't going to have an upside down reread, but then I hit a snag in my other audiobook and just could not get my brain to connect to it, and so I ended up just taking a little breather and slowing down my audio speed and thoroughly enjoying my most recent reread of this gem. I love this book so much and I know I talk about it a lot, but it is the perfect fluffy saccharine asexual romance that requires no thoughts only love and it's just wonderfully relaxing to listen to. It does always amaze me that even though I've read this book now 20 plus times I still get emotional during Jordan's initial ace revelation and during that end scene. It just hits hard.

I've reached the point where I listen to this audio as someone else would a favorite playlist. It plays in the background and I still know all the words and exactly what is happening, but I'm also doing other things. But I'm still invested in it and feel all the feels. It's the ultimate comfort read for me.


First reread of 2021 and I am irrationally, ridiculously happy.


Reread #????
Oh look, this book is still my favorite comfort read ๐Ÿ–ค"