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Dr. Gary Chapman on The Marriage You've Always Wanted
After the leftover wedding cake has been consumed and the thank-you notes written, the blissful couple often uncovers some jarring realities: a trail of dirty socks on the floor, conflicting opinions on how much money is too much for a bottle of shampoo, and a general wonderment at the question, "What does it mean to merge the worlds of two very different people?" In an updated version of "Toward a Growing Marriage", beloved relationship expert and marriage counselor Gary Chapman offers his trademark practical wisdom on the many issues young married couples face. His basic message: to enjoy the marriage you've always wanted, we have to be the person Jesus has always wanted us to be. He looks at such areas as meaningful communication, expectations about who does what around the house, and the challenges of money management. 'Your Turn' questions inspire further interaction between wives and husbands. This book makes a superb sequel to "The Five Love Languages" as it takes the next step in making unselfish relationships a reality.
158 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2005
202 people are currently reading
1,528 people want to read
About the author
Gary Chapman
516books3,364followersGary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
February 13, 2014
I loved Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages so I was thrilled to hear he was releasing his new book The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. His first was life changing for me so I had extremely high expectations for this one.
From the opening chapter I knew I was going to have a love/hate relationship with this book. He wants me to look at what’s wrong with ME? HA! That’s not how this is supposed to work! But as I read I realized how right he was. We all look at what’s wrong with our spouse and it’s quite easy for us to list their faults. But admit our own faults? That’s a whole different story! But change begins with us and that’s where it has to begin if you really want your marriage to change.
I found the homework at the end of each chapter relevant and thought provoking. He basically asks you to do what he discussed in the chapter. Like in the second chapter “Why Won’t They Change� he asks you to list not only your spouse’s fault, but your own. Not only admitting these faults but asking for forgiveness and trying to change them is an extremely humbling experience. I think that it sets the tone for the entire book and for your marriage if you really want to do the work.
I would say it was an “easy read� in that it’s smooth flowing, easy to understand and completely relatable. But if you really want to change, you have to do the homework at the end of each chapter and that’s the hard part! The first one was a challenge but invigorating to begin. After a while, the challenges got harder but also more rewarding.
The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted has the equal potential of The 5 Love Languages to change your marriage. It just has to begin with you!
From the opening chapter I knew I was going to have a love/hate relationship with this book. He wants me to look at what’s wrong with ME? HA! That’s not how this is supposed to work! But as I read I realized how right he was. We all look at what’s wrong with our spouse and it’s quite easy for us to list their faults. But admit our own faults? That’s a whole different story! But change begins with us and that’s where it has to begin if you really want your marriage to change.
I found the homework at the end of each chapter relevant and thought provoking. He basically asks you to do what he discussed in the chapter. Like in the second chapter “Why Won’t They Change� he asks you to list not only your spouse’s fault, but your own. Not only admitting these faults but asking for forgiveness and trying to change them is an extremely humbling experience. I think that it sets the tone for the entire book and for your marriage if you really want to do the work.
I would say it was an “easy read� in that it’s smooth flowing, easy to understand and completely relatable. But if you really want to change, you have to do the homework at the end of each chapter and that’s the hard part! The first one was a challenge but invigorating to begin. After a while, the challenges got harder but also more rewarding.
The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted has the equal potential of The 5 Love Languages to change your marriage. It just has to begin with you!
March 15, 2021
29.) An audiobook
January 20, 2020
Gary Chapman is an excellent teacher. His books are always succinct, and educative. This book is relevant for building a successful marriage, and both married and singles will find it relevant.
Everything Chapman wrote here is helpful. Marriage, as they say, is an education. So for that, every married person must continually educate himself with relevant information. This is where books like this come in.
The problem of marriage is the increasing number of divorces. Chapman pointed out that the problem of divorce exists both in Christian and non-Christian marriage.
The solution in Chapman's view can be found in the Bible. He lavishly used Biblical verses and stories to make his point.
Apparently, divorce is more rampant in the West than in Africa. Therefore, I will say with all humility that the West has something to learn from Africa. I say this not because marriages in Africa are more beautiful or couples do not divorce, but because in Africa, marriage is more than a union of two people as is the case in the West. Marriage here is instead a union of families. When a man marries a woman, the man becomes part of her family and likewise, she's yours. This intermix of families helps checkmate the partner's excesses (or 'stupidity') and steps in during a crisis. I am answerable to my mother-in-law, and father-in-law, as I am to my biological mother and father. Divorcing a partner is like splitting with one's family. We don't have use for paid marriage counsellors; the couple's parents, uncles, and kith and kin are the counsellors.
The other thing I sense is that most people go into marriage to 'enjoy it'. Yes, marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. But most people have a poor perception of 'enjoyment'. In marriage, enjoyment comes during the time of harvesting and not during the period of planting. And in marriage, it's planting that we are called to do -- or at least, ought to do. There's no ready-made peaceful or good marriage. It's something you invest and plant daily. Which means you don't go into marriage enjoying or reaping, but planting seeds of peace, love, and understanding. I believe if couples are less selfish and more sacrificial, many marital problems are solved.
Everything Chapman wrote here is helpful. Marriage, as they say, is an education. So for that, every married person must continually educate himself with relevant information. This is where books like this come in.
The problem of marriage is the increasing number of divorces. Chapman pointed out that the problem of divorce exists both in Christian and non-Christian marriage.
The solution in Chapman's view can be found in the Bible. He lavishly used Biblical verses and stories to make his point.
Apparently, divorce is more rampant in the West than in Africa. Therefore, I will say with all humility that the West has something to learn from Africa. I say this not because marriages in Africa are more beautiful or couples do not divorce, but because in Africa, marriage is more than a union of two people as is the case in the West. Marriage here is instead a union of families. When a man marries a woman, the man becomes part of her family and likewise, she's yours. This intermix of families helps checkmate the partner's excesses (or 'stupidity') and steps in during a crisis. I am answerable to my mother-in-law, and father-in-law, as I am to my biological mother and father. Divorcing a partner is like splitting with one's family. We don't have use for paid marriage counsellors; the couple's parents, uncles, and kith and kin are the counsellors.
The other thing I sense is that most people go into marriage to 'enjoy it'. Yes, marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. But most people have a poor perception of 'enjoyment'. In marriage, enjoyment comes during the time of harvesting and not during the period of planting. And in marriage, it's planting that we are called to do -- or at least, ought to do. There's no ready-made peaceful or good marriage. It's something you invest and plant daily. Which means you don't go into marriage enjoying or reaping, but planting seeds of peace, love, and understanding. I believe if couples are less selfish and more sacrificial, many marital problems are solved.
August 10, 2017
Ši knyga patiko kur kas mažiau nei prieš tai skaityta to paties autoriaus knyga ta pačia tema. Šioje, bent man, pernelyg daug citatų iš Biblijos, pernelyg daug katalikiškų temų. Taip, sutinku, tarp viso to galima rasti ir prasmingų, vertingų minčių ir pastebėjimų. Tačiau mane pernelyg vargino tai, kad norėdama juos rasti turėjau skaityti ir tai, kas manęs nedomina ir man nėra artima. Gaila, kad niekur aprašyme nebuvo užsiminta apie religinę knygos tematiką. Kad jau pasiėmiau, ryžausi įveikti. Bet man kur kas labiau prie širdies buvo knyga , kurioje glaustai, aiškiai aptariamos svarbios santykiams bei santuokai temos ir klausimai (be ryškaus religinio atspalvio). Šią labiau rekomenduočiau skaityti tiems, kas, autoriaus žodžiais, santuoką mato kaip vienovę taro Dievo, vyro ir moters.
October 14, 2014
My Reflections:
Another stellar book from best selling Gary Chapman. His insight and the practical approach to relationships has made this book one of my favorites, along side of the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, my top favorite. Gary Chapman is the bestselling author of the Five Love Languages, he is a well known and trusted professional who has helped countless couples achieve greater intimacy and deeper loving relationships.
When I decided to order this book for review I thought, "just another book on relationships," this one is well worth your time, a must read if you are thinking about marriage, or have been married for 40 + years.
This unassumingly small book of 143 pages, can save your marriage.
I have a pretty awesome marriage, we love each other, we are devoted and pretty darn happy with each other, but I was able to glean so much from this book that I am happy to say that I am learning to take our relationship past awesome. The changes I am experiencing are not from trying to change HIM they are about changing ME, and my attitude on how I deal with the little conflicts that are bound to crop up.
I think ideally it would be beneficial if both couples read the book together, that being said change is achievable by adjusting your attitudes and the way you react to the irritants in your relationship. I loved Chapman's story about his wife being a neglectful drawer closer, and how he had to simply accept his role as the man in the house who would close every drawer and cupboard that was left ajar.
My favorite part of the book was a section at the end of each chapter titled, "Your Turn" you are encouraged to dig a little deeper and explore your life by working through a set of questions. A great way to weed out your selfish desires and walk along side God and really lean onto the scriptures. After all it takes three to have a good marriage, God at the top and you and your spouse on each side!
This is definitely a book I will keep in my library to reference and loan out to friends!
"Book has been provided courtesy of Moody Publishers and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Moody Publishers". - See more at:
Another stellar book from best selling Gary Chapman. His insight and the practical approach to relationships has made this book one of my favorites, along side of the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, my top favorite. Gary Chapman is the bestselling author of the Five Love Languages, he is a well known and trusted professional who has helped countless couples achieve greater intimacy and deeper loving relationships.
When I decided to order this book for review I thought, "just another book on relationships," this one is well worth your time, a must read if you are thinking about marriage, or have been married for 40 + years.
This unassumingly small book of 143 pages, can save your marriage.
I have a pretty awesome marriage, we love each other, we are devoted and pretty darn happy with each other, but I was able to glean so much from this book that I am happy to say that I am learning to take our relationship past awesome. The changes I am experiencing are not from trying to change HIM they are about changing ME, and my attitude on how I deal with the little conflicts that are bound to crop up.
I think ideally it would be beneficial if both couples read the book together, that being said change is achievable by adjusting your attitudes and the way you react to the irritants in your relationship. I loved Chapman's story about his wife being a neglectful drawer closer, and how he had to simply accept his role as the man in the house who would close every drawer and cupboard that was left ajar.
My favorite part of the book was a section at the end of each chapter titled, "Your Turn" you are encouraged to dig a little deeper and explore your life by working through a set of questions. A great way to weed out your selfish desires and walk along side God and really lean onto the scriptures. After all it takes three to have a good marriage, God at the top and you and your spouse on each side!
This is definitely a book I will keep in my library to reference and loan out to friends!
"Book has been provided courtesy of Moody Publishers and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Moody Publishers". - See more at:
March 8, 2023
Éste es un libro que nos muestra muchos puntos del matrimonio que a menudo lo dejamos pasar u olvidamos. Desde la primera pregunta porque una persona se casa hasta como debe ser el matrimonio y las decisiones y/o cambios que uno como cónyuge debe hacer. Al final de cada capítulo tiene desafíos con preguntas y tareas que ayudan a uno como persona. Si quieres casarte sería bueno leer éste libro con tu futuro cónyuge y si ya estás casado leer te ayudará a redireccionarte si fuera necesario.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 4, 2019
I am not married and I think this book is mostly just for married couples who have been together for a while. I plan to re-listen or re-read this book after being married for 6 months or longer. I would like to answer the questions once that has happened. I love Gary Chapman's books though. He has great insight and he is very real. He talks about issues he has had with his wife and their relationship and how they have worked through the issues to have a stronger marriage. I appreciate his honesty. Because of his books my boyfriend and I have had conversations about who will do what household chores when we get married to help with our expectations.
January 15, 2023
Prieš keletą metų perskaičiau šio autoriaus "5 meilės kalbos" knygą ir paliko didžiulį įspūdį. Tačiau ši jo knyga tarsi neišpildyta ar nebaigta rašyti. Skaitėsi nuobodžiai ir konkretumo joje absoliutus nulis. Santykių esmė ir prasmė neatskleista. Nuvylė. :/
June 17, 2019
Definitely recommend for anyone about to go into marriage or wanting a fresh perspective on their marriage-in-motion. Doesn't matter if you've been together 1 year or 50 years, this is good stuff.
February 18, 2021
Excellent practical marriage advise
May 21, 2022
Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages was pivotal for our dating and eventual marriage, so I have been curious about his other books. In this marriage book, he uses Biblical insight and examples as well as personal and professional anecdotes as a marriage counselor to tackle common marriage issues. Some questions he addresses include “why won’t my spouse change?�, “how can we stop arguing how about finances?�, “how do I get him to listen to me?�, “what if I’m the only one working on the marriage?�, “who takes care of what?�, and “you mean we have to work at sex?� There’s also a great (convicting) chapter on loving your spouse as Jesus loves us.
Content warning: PG (specifically the sex chapter, though there’s nothing crude or inappropriate).
Content warning: PG (specifically the sex chapter, though there’s nothing crude or inappropriate).
January 1, 2022
I always learn from Gary Chapman’s books. They are a quick read with nuggets of wisdom that anyone can learn from.
February 4, 2014
This book is easy to read and contains nine chapters. There are questions to go over at the end of each chapter to help bring about a better relationship. The goal of this book is to bring happiness, peace and harmony to marriages.
Dr. Chapman emphasizes that it would be ideal for both spouses to read this book, or at least be open to putting into practice the suggestions it contains. However, he believes that progress can be made even if only one of the spouses is willing to follow this book's recommendations.
The author brings up very good points that are common to many relationships. For instance, most couples don't talk about every day, ordinary job duties before marriage. Ideally, such a conversation should take place before a couple marries. But in reality, most couples don't. Then, after the honeymoon, jobs such as taking out the trash, cooking, cleanup, who takes care of the finances, etc., can become big points of contention if a discussion doesn't take place about who will do what. Dr. Chapman recommends such a discussion should take place sooner, rather than later, in a marriage. But it is never too late to have that conversation. He comments that we are long past certain jobs automatically being a woman's or a man's.
This book covers a broad range of topics from "why your spouse won't change" to sex in a marriage to dealing with in-law issues. The doctor offers good advice, and hope for a better relationship, even if only one spouse wants to work on the marriage. Most importantly, the book stresses that God needs to be at the center of a marriage for both people to enjoy their union to the fullest.
This would be a good book for recently married couples to read, but works for couples who have celebrated many anniversaries as well. As long as two people are building a life together, there is always room to learn something new, no matter how old the relationship. This book offers concrete steps to follow to make a change happen for a couple. I especially liked his recommendations that couples are forming a new family, so the husband and wife need to concentrate on each other. He explains that is what the Bible means when it states that the husband and wife leave their parents and "cleave" to each other. The short amount of time it would take to read this book is well worth the dividend of a better marriage. I recommend it and give it five stars. My prayer is that everyone would have a happy, God-centered marriage.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this. Opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a copy of the book in exchange for this review and post. All opinions expressed are my own, and I have not been compensated in any other manner. Despite my receiving the book free, it has not influenced my judgment, and I have given an honest opinion.
WIN A FREE BOOK AT My Blog:
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Dr. Chapman emphasizes that it would be ideal for both spouses to read this book, or at least be open to putting into practice the suggestions it contains. However, he believes that progress can be made even if only one of the spouses is willing to follow this book's recommendations.
The author brings up very good points that are common to many relationships. For instance, most couples don't talk about every day, ordinary job duties before marriage. Ideally, such a conversation should take place before a couple marries. But in reality, most couples don't. Then, after the honeymoon, jobs such as taking out the trash, cooking, cleanup, who takes care of the finances, etc., can become big points of contention if a discussion doesn't take place about who will do what. Dr. Chapman recommends such a discussion should take place sooner, rather than later, in a marriage. But it is never too late to have that conversation. He comments that we are long past certain jobs automatically being a woman's or a man's.
This book covers a broad range of topics from "why your spouse won't change" to sex in a marriage to dealing with in-law issues. The doctor offers good advice, and hope for a better relationship, even if only one spouse wants to work on the marriage. Most importantly, the book stresses that God needs to be at the center of a marriage for both people to enjoy their union to the fullest.
This would be a good book for recently married couples to read, but works for couples who have celebrated many anniversaries as well. As long as two people are building a life together, there is always room to learn something new, no matter how old the relationship. This book offers concrete steps to follow to make a change happen for a couple. I especially liked his recommendations that couples are forming a new family, so the husband and wife need to concentrate on each other. He explains that is what the Bible means when it states that the husband and wife leave their parents and "cleave" to each other. The short amount of time it would take to read this book is well worth the dividend of a better marriage. I recommend it and give it five stars. My prayer is that everyone would have a happy, God-centered marriage.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this. Opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a copy of the book in exchange for this review and post. All opinions expressed are my own, and I have not been compensated in any other manner. Despite my receiving the book free, it has not influenced my judgment, and I have given an honest opinion.
WIN A FREE BOOK AT My Blog:
Visit the official website:
facebook:
twitter:
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February 7, 2014About the Book:
From America's favorite marriage expert and author of the New York Times #1 bestseller, The 5 Love Languages®
Respected marriage counselor Gary Chapman looks at the key issues that will help you build the marriage you've always wanted, answering such real-life questions as . . .
Why won't they change?
Why do we always fight about tasks and responsibilities?
Why should we have to work at sex?
In the warm, practical style that has endeared him to audiences worldwide, Dr. Chapman delivers advice on all the "big issues" of:
Money
Communication
Decision making
In-laws
and much more
Each chapter includes a "Your Turn" opportunity for reflection and interaction with bewteen spouses.
Discover the "joy potential" in your marriage and your "ministry potential" for God!
About the Author:
GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling The 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University. For more information visit his website at .
My Review:
Marriage isn't easy and if someone tells you that it is then they are indeed mistaken. I have been married to the love of my life for 20 years and yes it has seen its share of struggles. But as even I have had to learn, a great marriage begins with God at its center and with accessing my own attitude&trying constantly to keep it in check.
Gary Chapman, the author shows us that even though a good, solid, strong marriage is hard to come by these days it very well can be achieved. But only with diligence, perseverance, and above all with God at the heart of it. He uses the verses in Matthew 7:1-5 as a base for this teaching. This was where Jesus spoke about judging others and how we should remove the plank from our own eye before we judge the speck in our partners eye.
The author has down an outstanding job as always to approach marriage from the standpoint it was intended, from a Biblical one. If you would like to win a copy of The Marriage You've Always Wanted, please enter below.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising�): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.
Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.�
From America's favorite marriage expert and author of the New York Times #1 bestseller, The 5 Love Languages®
Respected marriage counselor Gary Chapman looks at the key issues that will help you build the marriage you've always wanted, answering such real-life questions as . . .
Why won't they change?
Why do we always fight about tasks and responsibilities?
Why should we have to work at sex?
In the warm, practical style that has endeared him to audiences worldwide, Dr. Chapman delivers advice on all the "big issues" of:
Money
Communication
Decision making
In-laws
and much more
Each chapter includes a "Your Turn" opportunity for reflection and interaction with bewteen spouses.
Discover the "joy potential" in your marriage and your "ministry potential" for God!
About the Author:
GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling The 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University. For more information visit his website at .
My Review:
Marriage isn't easy and if someone tells you that it is then they are indeed mistaken. I have been married to the love of my life for 20 years and yes it has seen its share of struggles. But as even I have had to learn, a great marriage begins with God at its center and with accessing my own attitude&trying constantly to keep it in check.
Gary Chapman, the author shows us that even though a good, solid, strong marriage is hard to come by these days it very well can be achieved. But only with diligence, perseverance, and above all with God at the heart of it. He uses the verses in Matthew 7:1-5 as a base for this teaching. This was where Jesus spoke about judging others and how we should remove the plank from our own eye before we judge the speck in our partners eye.
The author has down an outstanding job as always to approach marriage from the standpoint it was intended, from a Biblical one. If you would like to win a copy of The Marriage You've Always Wanted, please enter below.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising�): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.
Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.�
December 10, 2022
This is a solid read but I have a few caveats. First, I am familiar with the work of Dr. Chapman through not just being a librarian but as a follower of Christ. His books often come with the highest recommendation from church members and people requesting books on improving their dating/marriage relationships. Probably his most sought after book is . I have not personally read the five love languages book but I have attended couples retreats or marriage seminars that have often cited advice from the mentioned book. So I did come to this book with a high expectation that Mr. Chapman's advice with indefinitely help to improve my marriage. Next, I want to give a little background on what brought to this book. My spouse and I have been together for well over a decade and needless to say we have been through a lot as a couple. For those married couples that have a truly peaceful, pleasant and truly agreeable relationship with their spouses I commend you. I really want to celebrate those who I believe have been divinely bless to have such a trouble free connection with their significant other. Couples in those situations do not need this book. I believe this book is for the rest of us pure mortals who struggle with marriage. This is my main caveat you have to want to work on your marriage to truly get the benefit out of this book. Second, Chapman is approaching this conversation from the perspective that he is talking to a Christian couple. I do believe the advice he is giving can still help non-believers as well but if you are pursuing a relationship with Christ this book will have a much greater impact. The book is laid out pretty simple. Dr. Chapman opens up the book briefly discussing the reasons why we marry and what is the purpose of marriage. Then he moves on to discuss practical solutions to conflicts. I enjoyed the real world examples of problems couples struggle with. Chapman also covers topics that include sex, getting along with parents & in-laws, and the handling of money. At the end of each chapter there are questions related to the topic that you and your spouse can discuss. I found the exercises to be very insightful. I have completed my read through of the book and now me and my wife are going to read it together.
This book is not a replacement for a great marriage counselor but I think if you put yourself under the counsel & sound advice of this book it will get you on the right track. Even if your spouse is not ready to improve I think improving yourself and gaining a better understanding of what marriage could be are important. This is a quick and easy read and hope those looking to get started on making their marriages better will give this book a chance.
This book is not a replacement for a great marriage counselor but I think if you put yourself under the counsel & sound advice of this book it will get you on the right track. Even if your spouse is not ready to improve I think improving yourself and gaining a better understanding of what marriage could be are important. This is a quick and easy read and hope those looking to get started on making their marriages better will give this book a chance.
May 20, 2020
This is a great primer that covers issues such as communication, sex, decision-making, and dealing with in-laws. It's the kind of book that every couple should read before they get married.
My main complaint about this book was how short it was. I wish it'd had more "meat" on the bones. Some of the topics especially could have used a more in-depth treatment.
Before reading this book, I think it's important to know who it's intended for. If your marriage has any sort of "unusual" circumstances, such as a spouse with mental illness, a chronic physical illness, or an addiction, or if one of you comes from an abusive family, you're not likely to find as much help here. This book is for couples who are in a "normal" marriage where both partners are capable of equal responsibility and the assumption is that you should be equally involved with both extended families. It also doesn't address any of the challenges that might come with a second marriage. If you happen to fall into one of those categories, you'll still find some useful things here, but you'll also find a lot of gaps and unanswered questions with no recommendations for further reading for those groups of people.
I listened to this as an audiobook.
My main complaint about this book was how short it was. I wish it'd had more "meat" on the bones. Some of the topics especially could have used a more in-depth treatment.
Before reading this book, I think it's important to know who it's intended for. If your marriage has any sort of "unusual" circumstances, such as a spouse with mental illness, a chronic physical illness, or an addiction, or if one of you comes from an abusive family, you're not likely to find as much help here. This book is for couples who are in a "normal" marriage where both partners are capable of equal responsibility and the assumption is that you should be equally involved with both extended families. It also doesn't address any of the challenges that might come with a second marriage. If you happen to fall into one of those categories, you'll still find some useful things here, but you'll also find a lot of gaps and unanswered questions with no recommendations for further reading for those groups of people.
I listened to this as an audiobook.
December 13, 2016
I read this because I liked the author, I feel like you can always improve a relationship (marriage), and there was a bike on the cover... First the book is geared towards couples that our struggling so it wasn't really something we needed but there was some good information until it got very old fashioned and sexist; saying men should get to make all the decisions that the couple can't agree upon, women should always meet men's needs (even implying that women should dress sexy for men)... Appalling!!! Then the author went as far as to say you should extend all your depts so you can make sure you are giving 10% of your income before taxes.... Keeping couples in debt forever does not sound even remotely close to creating a great marriage. Overall I was not impressed!
March 4, 2011
This is my new favorite marriage book, surpassing Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus, and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, because it has so much practical advice about what I can do to make my marriage better by dealing with the frustrations I have regardless of if my husband is reading the book also. I really wish I had read this at the beginning of our marriage as it has lots of realistic advice for dealing with the day to day annoyances without holding grudges, etc,... I'm ordering my own copy if anyone wants to borrow it. I was on the waiting list at the library for months to get it.
June 3, 2023
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Love your spouse when they’re not lovable.
2. Compliments give assurance spouse isn’t a failure.
3. You can’t stand idly by and watch your husband fail.
- You must seek to be a constructive helper.
4. Honor = to show respect.
- Treating one with kindness and dignity.
5. We empty our conscience toward a spouse when we go to him/her and confess our failures.
6. Love looks out for the best interest of the other person.
7. Actions: love letter 1x a month.
- Express love and appreciation daily.
1. Love your spouse when they’re not lovable.
2. Compliments give assurance spouse isn’t a failure.
3. You can’t stand idly by and watch your husband fail.
- You must seek to be a constructive helper.
4. Honor = to show respect.
- Treating one with kindness and dignity.
5. We empty our conscience toward a spouse when we go to him/her and confess our failures.
6. Love looks out for the best interest of the other person.
7. Actions: love letter 1x a month.
- Express love and appreciation daily.
February 29, 2020
I'm not very well-versed in the Bible. The guidance and general rules were valuable in many respects. Very eye-opening. Are these the problems normies have in marriage? He got pissed off because the wife went shopping instead of doing their dishes? As a wife of a husband with severe PTSD, maybe this was too tame and not the right book for me. Recommend for those wanting to drive home biblical principles in a very shaky marriage.
August 9, 2021
When your marriage starts off well and after a while begins to hit a bump or two, this book might help get it back on smoother roads. If your marriage is fraught with discord from the beginning, there isn't any book that is going to help.
So don't expect this book or any other to be a panacea for marital woes - it won't. If you want some help with better ways to communicate with your spouse, you might find some tips in these pages.
So don't expect this book or any other to be a panacea for marital woes - it won't. If you want some help with better ways to communicate with your spouse, you might find some tips in these pages.
August 5, 2011
I am a bi fan of Gary Chapman. I think his books are very Biblical and very practical.
This book is not a life changing book like the 5 Love Languages book. But it is a very good book. It has a lot of advice for marriages that is applicable if you are about to get married (even more so) or have been married many many years.
This book is not a life changing book like the 5 Love Languages book. But it is a very good book. It has a lot of advice for marriages that is applicable if you are about to get married (even more so) or have been married many many years.
February 23, 2017
I give it 3.5 stars. A kind of shotgun approach to marriage advice. A little bit of everything, communication, sex, money, in-laws, whatever. I didn't realize until I started listening to the audiobook that it also has a subtitle of it being a Bible study. So that was kind of different than I was expecting but it was still good.
December 3, 2019
Some really good stuff in here to talk to your spouse about to make a better oneness. But the sex chapter is still has the same old white man myth that women dont like sex as much as their husband. That seemed a little out dated to me.
December 29, 2020
It's okay. It's all good stuff and if you're a Christian it's all good stuff in the context of the Bible. If you're not a Christian I think you'd have a hard time seeing the truths behind the Christian context.
June 11, 2015
This is a great resource to do a "system check" with. Even the healthiest marriages will benefit from the discussion topics.
March 21, 2013
Great book on Marriage
November 11, 2021
Date started: 04 November 2021
Date Finished: 10 November 2021
Author: Gary Chapman
First Published on: 2005
Genre: Marriage, Nonfiction, Self-help, Relationships, Faith
Rated at ŷ with: 3.91
Recommended for: those who have plans of getting married, newly wed or married couple who have been married for years
Best Quote from the book: In Corinthians 13:4-8, it does not emphasize on the emotion of love but the attitude and action which are not beyond our control.
One of the lessons I learned: I always thought that the idea of not ending the day that you’re both fighting is irrational. That’s because I felt that apologizing just so you end the day not fighting does not really solve the problem. However, the author gave me a different response that I couldn’t rebut. By asking forgiveness to God before asking forgiveness to your spouse, it makes one’s apology authentic. It is also one way of saying that we should not end the day without asking forgiveness to God about our mistakes.
Books to read if you read this: “Debt-Free Living, The Family Budget Workbook and the Word on Finance,� by Larry Burkett; “The New Master Your Money: A Step by Step Plan for Gaining and Enjoying Financial Freedom,� by Ron Blue; and, “Financial Peace: Revisited,� by Dave Ramsey. The author made mention of other books, however, these books really caught my attention since the author also made mention of the importance of financial responsibility as a Christian.
Personal Note: It has almost the same theme as the book entitled, “The Meaning of Marriage,� by Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller since it discusses the same subject. However, this is shorter and at the same time I couldn’t recommend this for single professionals unlike for, “The Meaning of Marriage.� Nevertheless, it is a good book. I had a lot of take home lessons for this book.
Date Finished: 10 November 2021
Author: Gary Chapman
First Published on: 2005
Genre: Marriage, Nonfiction, Self-help, Relationships, Faith
Rated at ŷ with: 3.91
Recommended for: those who have plans of getting married, newly wed or married couple who have been married for years
Best Quote from the book: In Corinthians 13:4-8, it does not emphasize on the emotion of love but the attitude and action which are not beyond our control.
One of the lessons I learned: I always thought that the idea of not ending the day that you’re both fighting is irrational. That’s because I felt that apologizing just so you end the day not fighting does not really solve the problem. However, the author gave me a different response that I couldn’t rebut. By asking forgiveness to God before asking forgiveness to your spouse, it makes one’s apology authentic. It is also one way of saying that we should not end the day without asking forgiveness to God about our mistakes.
Books to read if you read this: “Debt-Free Living, The Family Budget Workbook and the Word on Finance,� by Larry Burkett; “The New Master Your Money: A Step by Step Plan for Gaining and Enjoying Financial Freedom,� by Ron Blue; and, “Financial Peace: Revisited,� by Dave Ramsey. The author made mention of other books, however, these books really caught my attention since the author also made mention of the importance of financial responsibility as a Christian.
Personal Note: It has almost the same theme as the book entitled, “The Meaning of Marriage,� by Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller since it discusses the same subject. However, this is shorter and at the same time I couldn’t recommend this for single professionals unlike for, “The Meaning of Marriage.� Nevertheless, it is a good book. I had a lot of take home lessons for this book.
April 17, 2020
I adore by this author, so I was pleased to see this title of his available on Hoopla as part of their "bonus borrows" during these crazy times. I already want to reread this book because it is chock full of practical, biblical marriage advice. I appreciate the structure that encourages reading along with your spouse and have already recommended this book to my husband. Chapman presents concepts in an accessible way, backing them up by citing the Bible. He then challenges the reader to self-reflect alone, and then discuss their feelings about the topics covered with their spouse.
September 2, 2023
Iš šitos knygos tikėjausi daugiau... man nepatiko tai, kad visur yra kišama religija ir citatos iš biblijos. Juk mylėti ir stengtis dėl santuokos galima net ir nebūnant tikinčiu. O čia man beskaitant susidarė įspūdis, jog tu privalai tikėti dievu, kitaip net negalvok apie meilę ir darnią santuoką. Taip, G. Chapman tonas su skaitytoju malonus, bet vietomis pasirodė šiek tiek dirbtinai malonus, tarsi jis norėjo griežčiau pasakyti. Neneigsiu - knygoje yra naudingų patarimų ir užduočių. Yra senos pamirštos tiesos. Bet tas religijos kišimas realiai viską sugadino. Skaičiau "Penkios vaikų meilės kalbos", tai lyginant su šia knyga, kaip žemė ir dangus.
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