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The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant
Dan Savage 's nationally syndicated sex advice column, "Savage Love," enrages and excites more than four million people each week. In The Kid , Savage tells a no-holds-barred, high-energy story of an ordinary American couple who wants to have a baby. Except that in this case the couple happens to be Dan and his boyfriend. That fact, in the face of a society enormously uneasy with gay adoption, makes for an edgy, entertaining, and illuminating read. When Dan and his boyfriend are finally presented with an infant badly in need of parenting, they find themselves caught up in a drama that extends well beyond the confines of their immediate world. A story about confronting homophobia, falling in love, getting older, and getting a little bit smarter, The Kid is a book about the very human desire to have a family.
246 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1999
77 people are currently reading
10.7k people want to read
About the author
Dan Savage
23Ìýbooks788ÌýfollowersDan Savage is a writer, TV personality, and activist best known for his political and social commentary, as well as his honest approach to sex, love and relationships.
Savage’s sex advice column, “Savage Love,� is syndicated in newspapers and websites throughout the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. He is the Editorial Director of The Stranger, Seattle’s weekly alternative newspaper, and his writing has appeared in publications including The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Rolling Stone, The Onion, and on Salon.com.
As an author, Savage’s books include: American Savage: Insights, Slights and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics; Savage Love; The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant (PEN West Award for Creative Nonfiction, Lambda Literary Award for Nonfiction); Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America; The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family, and co-author of How to be a Person.
In addition to his appearances on CNN, MSNBC, and The Colbert Report, Savage is a contributor to Ira Glass’s This American Life, and has appeared on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross, HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, and ABC's 20/20. Savage is a frequent and popular speaker on college campuses across the United States and Canada.
In September 2010, Savage and his husband Terry Miller created a YouTube video to inspire hope for LGBT young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives, Savage and Miller wanted to create a personal message to let LGBT youth know that “it gets better�. Today, the It Gets Better Project () has become a global movement, inspiring more than 50,000 It Gets Better videos viewed over 50 million times. The It Gets Better book, co-edited by Savage and Miller, was published in March 2011, and two It Gets Better, documentary specials have aired on MTV. In 2012 the It Gets Better Project received the Governors Award Emmy from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.
Dan Savage grew up in Chicago and now lives in Seattle, Washington with his husband and their son, DJ.
Savage’s sex advice column, “Savage Love,� is syndicated in newspapers and websites throughout the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. He is the Editorial Director of The Stranger, Seattle’s weekly alternative newspaper, and his writing has appeared in publications including The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Rolling Stone, The Onion, and on Salon.com.
As an author, Savage’s books include: American Savage: Insights, Slights and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics; Savage Love; The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant (PEN West Award for Creative Nonfiction, Lambda Literary Award for Nonfiction); Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America; The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family, and co-author of How to be a Person.
In addition to his appearances on CNN, MSNBC, and The Colbert Report, Savage is a contributor to Ira Glass’s This American Life, and has appeared on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross, HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, and ABC's 20/20. Savage is a frequent and popular speaker on college campuses across the United States and Canada.
In September 2010, Savage and his husband Terry Miller created a YouTube video to inspire hope for LGBT young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives, Savage and Miller wanted to create a personal message to let LGBT youth know that “it gets better�. Today, the It Gets Better Project () has become a global movement, inspiring more than 50,000 It Gets Better videos viewed over 50 million times. The It Gets Better book, co-edited by Savage and Miller, was published in March 2011, and two It Gets Better, documentary specials have aired on MTV. In 2012 the It Gets Better Project received the Governors Award Emmy from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.
Dan Savage grew up in Chicago and now lives in Seattle, Washington with his husband and their son, DJ.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 631 reviews
February 8, 2018
Pass the cigars, and make all the dirty cigar jokes you want. Dan Savage, North America’s favourite alt-sex columnist, has become a dad.
In The Kid, Savage details his decision to adopt a child with Terry, his boyfriend of less than two years. But the road to same-sex parenthood isn’t smooth, littered with “fundy� Christians, alcohol-drinking potential moms and complicated adoption laws.
At the start, Savage, never one to waffle, isn’t sure how to become a dad. Is adoption the route, or should he masturbate into a cup for one of his � in his own words � indecisive lesbian friends? And are he and Terry, who still have hissy fits over Bjork, willing to trade in a future of gay DINK-dom (Double Income, No Kids) for dirty diapers?
Applying his signature no-bull, (genital) warts ‘n� all advice to his own life, Savage comments on everything from gays in the military and group sex to whether or not to circumsize a baby male (“how,� he ponders, “will it taste to future lovers?�).
As in his columns, Savage is subversive and informative, as well as read-aloud-to-your-friends funny. But who could have predicted that, in the book’s final chapters, Mr. Cynical Sexpert would induce tears with a beautifully written account of a mother giving up her child to two baseball-cap-wearing men?
Despite its tough and scrappy title, The Kid is a mature and moving book about family, fatherhood, faggotry (his word) and fertility. Adopt it yourself.
April 8, 2011
Dan Savage brings the same frank, occasionally filthy voice familiar from his popular sex advice column and podcasts to his first book, published about a decade ago. Unfortunately, he also brings along his tendency to get sidetracked with political rants and his penchant for beating the same points into the ground over and over.
I really enjoyed the majority of this book, which tells the story of Dan and his boyfriend trying to adopt a child, the whole nerve-wracking process from researching their legal options to musing over inseminating a lesbian couple to the agonizing wait for a birthparent to choose them to take her child. Dan is a really funny guy, and parts of this book will make you laugh pretty hard, including his example of what not to write in your letter to all the mothers out there looking to choose parents for their babies ("We live in a cramped apartment filled with dangerous and sharp-edged tchotchkes perched high atop unstable tables purchased at an Ikea seconds sale."). Parts of this book will also make you a little sad; though it's not really a depressing story, Dan and his boyfriend have some hard choices to make when they learn that the introverted street kid who has chosen them to raise her child drank during much of her pregnancy.
This book might also annoy you, because Dan takes the opportunity to climb onto his soapbox a little too often, especially in the first 60 pages or so. Instead of telling his personal story, he goes on for pages and pages about the additional hurdles faced by homosexual parents looking to adopt or marry. These rants, which might be relevant but didn't really need to go on for pages and pages, making the same point over and over, are full of righteous anger and vitriol and aren't very fun to read. You get the idea the book wasn't edited very rigorously and Dan started off not really knowing where he was going with it (he admits as much in a chapter about how he got a book deal and spent the advance before he knew what he was going to write about, which gave him a reason to finally pull the trigger on the long-gestating adoption dream).
If the final product is uneven, Dan's story of bring a new life into the world, so to speak, is heartfelt and occasionally moving and almost as good as reading his advice to people with centaur fetishes, pegging fantasies, and problems with threesome logistics.
I really enjoyed the majority of this book, which tells the story of Dan and his boyfriend trying to adopt a child, the whole nerve-wracking process from researching their legal options to musing over inseminating a lesbian couple to the agonizing wait for a birthparent to choose them to take her child. Dan is a really funny guy, and parts of this book will make you laugh pretty hard, including his example of what not to write in your letter to all the mothers out there looking to choose parents for their babies ("We live in a cramped apartment filled with dangerous and sharp-edged tchotchkes perched high atop unstable tables purchased at an Ikea seconds sale."). Parts of this book will also make you a little sad; though it's not really a depressing story, Dan and his boyfriend have some hard choices to make when they learn that the introverted street kid who has chosen them to raise her child drank during much of her pregnancy.
This book might also annoy you, because Dan takes the opportunity to climb onto his soapbox a little too often, especially in the first 60 pages or so. Instead of telling his personal story, he goes on for pages and pages about the additional hurdles faced by homosexual parents looking to adopt or marry. These rants, which might be relevant but didn't really need to go on for pages and pages, making the same point over and over, are full of righteous anger and vitriol and aren't very fun to read. You get the idea the book wasn't edited very rigorously and Dan started off not really knowing where he was going with it (he admits as much in a chapter about how he got a book deal and spent the advance before he knew what he was going to write about, which gave him a reason to finally pull the trigger on the long-gestating adoption dream).
If the final product is uneven, Dan's story of bring a new life into the world, so to speak, is heartfelt and occasionally moving and almost as good as reading his advice to people with centaur fetishes, pegging fantasies, and problems with threesome logistics.
October 13, 2008
So, I am childfree. I don't have children, I don't want children, and I have a lot of general disdain for the prevalence of bad parenting and people who stumble into parenting as an inevitable next step rather than a reasoned choice. I am frustrated that we are making new people at such a rapid rate when there are so many who need homes already. I like kids, and I like parents. I just get exasperated, though, by a lot of things that have to do with kids and parents.
Which is all to say that for me to have read this book about a couple adopting a newborn baby had all kinds of potential to make me roll my eyes, but the fact that it did not, not even once, is a testament to the talents of Mr. Savage.
Which is all to say that for me to have read this book about a couple adopting a newborn baby had all kinds of potential to make me roll my eyes, but the fact that it did not, not even once, is a testament to the talents of Mr. Savage.
February 26, 2009
My book group read this book. I imagine it would be a 5-star book for most couples who want to adopt, especially LGBT couples and couples planning an open adoption. To me, it was less compelling, but I enjoyed it and learned from it.
True to form, Savage the sexual advice columnist is savagely honest. For example, he admits that he wants a healthy infant, not "damaged goods" (he acknowledges how offensive that term is). But much of his honesty is hilarious, as with his description of the "deep process" he had to wade through when discussing with a lesbian couple whether the 3 of them wanted to create a bio-kid. I liked that although Savage is writing partly for straight people, he doesn't shy away from explicit references to gay sex.
The book meanders, as if Savage thought it might be his only chance to say certain things. He includes a provocative but out-of-place account of how the stress of coming out debilitated him physically at age 14. His musing about possible homophobia at an adoption seminar ends in an analysis of the politics of gay reparation therapy. It's good original analysis, though, so I'm not complaining.
When it comes time to write about the birth mother and the social workers who helped with the adoption, Savage becomes more guarded. Free-ranging memoir turns to adoption primer. Savage sensibly exercises restraint in writing about the relative strangers who will continue to influence his relationship with his son even after the documents are signed.
Even though I'm a lesbian, or maybe especially because I'm a lesbian, I have certain stereotypes about gay men, and it's been hard for me to understand why 2 men want to adopt a baby. Savage squarely confronts this bias and also the "ick factor." He busts me further by paraphrasing the attitudes expressed by "a local gay activist/idiot" in Seattle, exactly what I'd been wrestling with for 65 pages: "Gay parents should be men in their forties, together at least eight years, monogamous, professional, irreproachable, and unassailable. With the religious right making an issue of gay adoptions, gay dads were going to be under a lot of scrutiny. He felt it was important that they be as unthreatening to straight people as possible."
OK. I get it now. This is like, we don't ban drag queens from pride parades for being outrageous. We help them clamber up on their floats.
Told ya I learned from this book.
True to form, Savage the sexual advice columnist is savagely honest. For example, he admits that he wants a healthy infant, not "damaged goods" (he acknowledges how offensive that term is). But much of his honesty is hilarious, as with his description of the "deep process" he had to wade through when discussing with a lesbian couple whether the 3 of them wanted to create a bio-kid. I liked that although Savage is writing partly for straight people, he doesn't shy away from explicit references to gay sex.
The book meanders, as if Savage thought it might be his only chance to say certain things. He includes a provocative but out-of-place account of how the stress of coming out debilitated him physically at age 14. His musing about possible homophobia at an adoption seminar ends in an analysis of the politics of gay reparation therapy. It's good original analysis, though, so I'm not complaining.
When it comes time to write about the birth mother and the social workers who helped with the adoption, Savage becomes more guarded. Free-ranging memoir turns to adoption primer. Savage sensibly exercises restraint in writing about the relative strangers who will continue to influence his relationship with his son even after the documents are signed.
Even though I'm a lesbian, or maybe especially because I'm a lesbian, I have certain stereotypes about gay men, and it's been hard for me to understand why 2 men want to adopt a baby. Savage squarely confronts this bias and also the "ick factor." He busts me further by paraphrasing the attitudes expressed by "a local gay activist/idiot" in Seattle, exactly what I'd been wrestling with for 65 pages: "Gay parents should be men in their forties, together at least eight years, monogamous, professional, irreproachable, and unassailable. With the religious right making an issue of gay adoptions, gay dads were going to be under a lot of scrutiny. He felt it was important that they be as unthreatening to straight people as possible."
OK. I get it now. This is like, we don't ban drag queens from pride parades for being outrageous. We help them clamber up on their floats.
Told ya I learned from this book.
January 2, 2016
This was such a sweet and funny, and a little sad, but mostly really, really happy adoption story. I really like the writing style and I appreciated how frank the author is about his experience.
July 20, 2015
I've been on an adoption memoir binge lately, but this is the first memoir I've read about open adoption, and I adored it. It's very Dan Savage, so if you're a reader/listener of Savage Love you can anticipate the tone and how at times you'll be thinking, 'Dan! You can't say that; how offensive!'. It's incredibly honest and vulnerable, which is a side of Savage I'm not as familiar with. It's obvious that he and Terry considered every aspect the adoption would have on them, the kid, the birth parents, and the rest of their family and friends--as well as the societal implications. I really enjoyed that it focused so much on the adoption process: the paperwork, invasive questions/testing, and back-and-forth with the agency and birth mother. I'd recommend this to anyone curious/going through the adoption process as it will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully understand more about open adoption.
March 5, 2010
I suppose I should say I mostly enjoyed this book despite it being written by Dan Savage. I've never been a fan of his style, his perpetuation of many gay male stereotypes, and his philosophy that cheating is A-OK and possibly inevitable. I liked seeing the adoption process unfolding, and the ending was quite nice, but most of the "characters" weren't very likable for me. I think this book could have benefited from a good editor.
ETA: I should add that in the time since I've read this book, Dan Savage has said so many misogynistic, transphobic, biphobic, and generally asinine things that I can understand why his attitude in this book bugged me. Not a fan.
ETA: I should add that in the time since I've read this book, Dan Savage has said so many misogynistic, transphobic, biphobic, and generally asinine things that I can understand why his attitude in this book bugged me. Not a fan.
February 22, 2018
When Dan wrote this, a gay male couple adopting a baby (with relative ease and almost no wait -- pure fate) was like earning your PhD in Homo Studies. I was in awe of them then, and I'm in awe now (still -- D.J.'s all grows up). Great, funny book about a momentous process. Made it all seem modern and okay for so many people.
April 11, 2015
Enjoyable but not life-changing. An informative, entertaining, and worthwhile read.
May 21, 2023
Utterly unput-downable
January 6, 2008
Non-Fiction. Dan Savage and his boyfriend decide to adopt a kid, and Savage takes us through all the subsequent paperwork, counseling, doctor appointments, and freakouts.
Savage often comes off as blunt and uncaring in his weekly sex advice column, but this shows his tender underbelly -- the Dan that loves his boyfriend and is excited about having a kid and who worries a lot, about everything. He's also a man who speaks openly about his sex life, the box of bondage gear in the basement, the way he met his boyfriend. Savage doesn't censor himself and I love that about him. I love his honesty, his unfailing ability to call out hypocrisy, and he brings that honesty to the adoption process. Having a kid isn't all sunshine and roses, and deciding to adopt one has its own problems, like a total lack of control over almost everything, and the guilt associated with wanting a brand new healthy baby when there are plenty of slightly older models hanging around that need homes. It's an emotional book, but not overwrought, and I really enjoyed it.
Five stars -- Savage can write, and he can be sweet and political and angry and funny and he may have made me sniffle a little, too. This is a great first-person narrative, with a great happy ending.
Savage often comes off as blunt and uncaring in his weekly sex advice column, but this shows his tender underbelly -- the Dan that loves his boyfriend and is excited about having a kid and who worries a lot, about everything. He's also a man who speaks openly about his sex life, the box of bondage gear in the basement, the way he met his boyfriend. Savage doesn't censor himself and I love that about him. I love his honesty, his unfailing ability to call out hypocrisy, and he brings that honesty to the adoption process. Having a kid isn't all sunshine and roses, and deciding to adopt one has its own problems, like a total lack of control over almost everything, and the guilt associated with wanting a brand new healthy baby when there are plenty of slightly older models hanging around that need homes. It's an emotional book, but not overwrought, and I really enjoyed it.
Five stars -- Savage can write, and he can be sweet and political and angry and funny and he may have made me sniffle a little, too. This is a great first-person narrative, with a great happy ending.
February 19, 2008
I bought this book because I could not believe it when I saw it for sale in a town of 1200 in central Italy. I imagine that if I didn't speak English fluently, a few of the puns/wit would have been lost on me as they were literally translated into the Italian text. As luck would have it though, they could be added to my reading of the book. I suspect the common convertion of wit to acronym (as an easy method to carry over the joke over a while) would be lost on most people who don't know that aspect of anglophone lingual habits.
I learnt a fair amount about open adoptions and I appreciated Dan's repeated warning that his partner and him did not have a common experience. I howled at some of the jesting between his catholic boyfriend and his atheism, as I've been in a similar dynamic in a past relationship. Other points of Savage's politics however were lost on me. His non-judgement/harm reduction take on Melissa was refreshing as was his challenge of the abilism/paranoia others expressed on people with AFS.
I'm glad I read it even though it was no literal work of genius. Makes up for a fair amount of the nonesense I've caught recently in his columns.
I learnt a fair amount about open adoptions and I appreciated Dan's repeated warning that his partner and him did not have a common experience. I howled at some of the jesting between his catholic boyfriend and his atheism, as I've been in a similar dynamic in a past relationship. Other points of Savage's politics however were lost on me. His non-judgement/harm reduction take on Melissa was refreshing as was his challenge of the abilism/paranoia others expressed on people with AFS.
I'm glad I read it even though it was no literal work of genius. Makes up for a fair amount of the nonesense I've caught recently in his columns.
January 2, 2015
Though I'm giving this book a 4-star rating, I feel I should mention a small caveat. I actually listened to this book on audible read by Dan Savage himself. Since I'm already a fan of the author's Savage Love podcast, I think this made it a much more enjoyable "read!" I highly recommend the audiobook!
August 27, 2016
An inside look at the open adoption experience of a gay couple about fifteen years ago. Well-written, down to earth account of the pluses and minuses of an open adoption process and the challenges that this couple faced, told honestly and humorously. The language is often explicit.
October 2, 2010
I was reminded of this checking out Dan's new thing, the It'll Get Better Project - "It'll get better! But not for you" - anyway, this is a terrific book.
October 31, 2022
Here is the disturbing story of when Dan Savage and his young husband bought a baby from a homeless woman. It is meant to be a heartwarming story of gay dads, but since Dan Savage is 0% self aware he ends up showing us who he really is - a rich person who can buy whatever he wants, even a child, while the baby’s biological mother must make this deal for economic support. He even says that she cries after giving birth and tries to change her mind, holding on to the baby in her arms and refusing to hand him over. I remember feeling sick after reading this back in the day, and 20 years have done this story no favors.
November 20, 2014
I've been reading 's Savage Love for years and years now, and when I'm in the mood for Podcasts (which I have to admit, I rarely am, I just can't seem to get into them, it puzzles me greatly), I often listen to his Savage Lovecast. He's generally quite open about himself, his life and his experiences, so I already knew that he was married and that they had an adopted child. My BFF Lydia recommended this audio book to me when I visited her in the States in early October, and as my husband and I are trying to get me pregnant, I figured it could be pretty topical.
In this book, Dan relates what happened when he and his then boyfriend (now husband, as far as I'm aware) decided to adopt a child together, at a time and a place where gay adoption was not always a popular choice. They used an organisation which arranged open adoptions, which means that the adoptive parents and the birth mother keep in contact after the adoption and agree on a schedule in which the birth mother can visit her child, should she choose to do so. Dan and Terry were the first gay men to successfully adopt through the agency they used.
The book is divided into three parts, chronicling the couple's decision process, the application stage, the waiting period where they were wondering if they'd ever get picked, followed by the period in which they got to know the birth mother of their child, a street punk (a girl who is voluntarily homeless) from Portland..Due to her history of drinking and recreational drug experimentation before she realised she was pregnant, there were possibilities for complications with the baby, and Dan and Terry had to consider carefully whether they wanted to adopt this young woman's child.
Dan manages to be very honest and personal, without the reader feeling as if they now know everything about him and his family. He deals with serious issues, but intersperses it with humorous anecdotes. Savage wrote the book in 1999, and as I knew full well from reading his columns and listening to his podcasts that he has a kid, there was never any element of suspense or surprise as to whether he and Terry would be successful in their adoption. It was a very interesting book, well narrated by Savage himself. I must admit that hearing him talking about several of the straight couples they met when trying to adopt, who had mostly all tried to go through all manner of fertility treatments before settling on adoption, made me a bit more worried about my own future, considering I'm already experiencing difficulties with conceiving. As adoption is a very slow, time consuming, not to mention extremely costly process in Norway, it is sadly unlikely to ever be an option for my husband and I. So I'm just going to have to hope that we have luck either the natural way or somewhat assisted by science.
Based on this book, I would absolutely be interested in checking out more of Savage's written work. He is just as charming and interesting when narrating his own audio book as he is on his podcast (and he generally speaks more slowly).
In this book, Dan relates what happened when he and his then boyfriend (now husband, as far as I'm aware) decided to adopt a child together, at a time and a place where gay adoption was not always a popular choice. They used an organisation which arranged open adoptions, which means that the adoptive parents and the birth mother keep in contact after the adoption and agree on a schedule in which the birth mother can visit her child, should she choose to do so. Dan and Terry were the first gay men to successfully adopt through the agency they used.
The book is divided into three parts, chronicling the couple's decision process, the application stage, the waiting period where they were wondering if they'd ever get picked, followed by the period in which they got to know the birth mother of their child, a street punk (a girl who is voluntarily homeless) from Portland..Due to her history of drinking and recreational drug experimentation before she realised she was pregnant, there were possibilities for complications with the baby, and Dan and Terry had to consider carefully whether they wanted to adopt this young woman's child.
Dan manages to be very honest and personal, without the reader feeling as if they now know everything about him and his family. He deals with serious issues, but intersperses it with humorous anecdotes. Savage wrote the book in 1999, and as I knew full well from reading his columns and listening to his podcasts that he has a kid, there was never any element of suspense or surprise as to whether he and Terry would be successful in their adoption. It was a very interesting book, well narrated by Savage himself. I must admit that hearing him talking about several of the straight couples they met when trying to adopt, who had mostly all tried to go through all manner of fertility treatments before settling on adoption, made me a bit more worried about my own future, considering I'm already experiencing difficulties with conceiving. As adoption is a very slow, time consuming, not to mention extremely costly process in Norway, it is sadly unlikely to ever be an option for my husband and I. So I'm just going to have to hope that we have luck either the natural way or somewhat assisted by science.
Based on this book, I would absolutely be interested in checking out more of Savage's written work. He is just as charming and interesting when narrating his own audio book as he is on his podcast (and he generally speaks more slowly).
July 5, 2012
Gay rights. Adoption. Parenting.
All issues I feel strongly about.
But this book featured the word "cock" far too much for this married heterosexual midwestern mom (even though I consider myself liberal).
Dan Savage is a sex columnist from Seattle, and his column was left in the lunchroom at work frequently when I worked in Portland, OR. So I am familiar with his style of writing. It's a little too explicit for me - and I read about freaky vampire sex.
It is supposed to be in confessional style, but it seemed a little too preachy and earnest for me. Savage also seems rather defensive, on the lookout for Christian Straight (infertile) Haters. I understand, but his book could have been so much better. How? I don't quite know.
Dan and his partner Terry seem to jump into parenthood rather quickly, but with some definite thought. They also find a birth mother rather quickly, and put up with her quirks as well as the risk of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the fight over the baby's name.
Parts were quite funny, as when Savage said that his father's insistence on having sex with Savage's mother while she was pregnant with him pretty much made him gay, since he got used to having a cock shoved in his face even before birth. And Savage knew he had to adopt rather than inseminate someone, since his family gets fat later on. And when Savage talks about the lesbians who were considering using Savage's sperm to make a baby, I giggled because I could clearly picture them.
This book is less about the actual kid than the adoption process and the waiting - my god, the waiting! I was hoping for more of the parenting, but they only get DJ in the last quarter of the book.
All issues I feel strongly about.
But this book featured the word "cock" far too much for this married heterosexual midwestern mom (even though I consider myself liberal).
Dan Savage is a sex columnist from Seattle, and his column was left in the lunchroom at work frequently when I worked in Portland, OR. So I am familiar with his style of writing. It's a little too explicit for me - and I read about freaky vampire sex.
It is supposed to be in confessional style, but it seemed a little too preachy and earnest for me. Savage also seems rather defensive, on the lookout for Christian Straight (infertile) Haters. I understand, but his book could have been so much better. How? I don't quite know.
Dan and his partner Terry seem to jump into parenthood rather quickly, but with some definite thought. They also find a birth mother rather quickly, and put up with her quirks as well as the risk of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the fight over the baby's name.
Parts were quite funny, as when Savage said that his father's insistence on having sex with Savage's mother while she was pregnant with him pretty much made him gay, since he got used to having a cock shoved in his face even before birth. And Savage knew he had to adopt rather than inseminate someone, since his family gets fat later on. And when Savage talks about the lesbians who were considering using Savage's sperm to make a baby, I giggled because I could clearly picture them.
This book is less about the actual kid than the adoption process and the waiting - my god, the waiting! I was hoping for more of the parenting, but they only get DJ in the last quarter of the book.
December 17, 2008
i guess the title of this book is fairly self-explanatory: it's all about sex columnist dan savage & his boyfriend adopting a child together. they went through an agency which put them in contact with a young pregnant homeless gutter punk who was in a family way. the agency got her an aptment to live in during the pregnancy & made sure she got good nutrition & medical care & everything. dan & his boyfriend were able to meet with her & get to know her story while she was pregnant, & they took custody of the baby when he was born. i guess they did an open adoption, which is an increasingly popular adoption method. i read "savage love," dan's advice column, every week, & for the most part, i really like his advice & the straightforward manner in which he presents it. he brings that same attitude to this book, passing little judgment on the various players in the adoption process & just being psyched about being a dad & raising a baby with his partner. i felt kind of sorry for the birth mother, just because it seemed like she'd had a pretty rough time of things & finding herself knocked up was probably not something she was psyched about, but i liked the way dan addressed the issue of the birth mother having used drugs before she knew she was pregnant, & how dan & his boyfriend came to the decision to adopt the child even though there was a slim possibility that it might have complications because of her drug use. a lot of different hot topics were addressed in the book, & i thought it was pretty compelling & well-rounded.
April 20, 2015
Dan Savage's hilarious, touching, sometimes surprising story of their adoption of DJ is can't-put-down reading. The only reason I'm giving it four stars instead of five is really a bit of pettiness on my part. I'd love to hand this to several people I know who are on the fence about gay parents, but his language would stop them before they even got started. I'm pretty comfortable with profanity, including my own blue mouth, but even I find it a little over the top. The word he uses most often to describe gays is one that would have some of my friends putting the book down before the end of the first chapter. I want to say, there's no reason for it! He doesn't need it to tell his story! But I do get why he does it--I think, I guess there's no way I can read his mind. But I suspect it's because he refuses to tone himself down to fit into other people's definition of what he "should" do. He probably hears all the time the calm, sane advice that people involved in same sex relationships should be low-key and underplay it until the rest of the world has chance to get used to the idea--and it pisses him off that he should have to underplay his family and his long-term commitment to his husband (I think they've been together 18 years now or something like that). So, I get that. But I still wish he'd write something that I could hand to my more conservative friends, because I love, love, love this book.
November 10, 2009
A very sincere, painfully sharp, and incredibly witty account of a gay couple adopting a baby. What impressed me most is the wonderfully creative humor Savage uses to convey very serious and somber political and ethical issues in contemporary American society.
The real issues are reflected, but also deflected in such a way that while you understand the horrors and frustrations experienced, you are presented with them in a way that both challenges views and gives you a chance to laugh them off. In a way, Savage eases the reader in serious contemplation by providing a means to escape, thus preventing the reader becoming engulfed by anger or utter frustration.
This book is not just about political issues...in fact, I was only subtly aware of them in the first place. Instead of focusing on exclusively gay issues, Savage tackles all major areas of life, providing laughs along the way with his snarky and sharp humor. Savage presents relationships, sex, adoption, careers, and life in such a genuine reality.
An amazingly enjoyable book that would resonate true despite sexual preference.
The real issues are reflected, but also deflected in such a way that while you understand the horrors and frustrations experienced, you are presented with them in a way that both challenges views and gives you a chance to laugh them off. In a way, Savage eases the reader in serious contemplation by providing a means to escape, thus preventing the reader becoming engulfed by anger or utter frustration.
This book is not just about political issues...in fact, I was only subtly aware of them in the first place. Instead of focusing on exclusively gay issues, Savage tackles all major areas of life, providing laughs along the way with his snarky and sharp humor. Savage presents relationships, sex, adoption, careers, and life in such a genuine reality.
An amazingly enjoyable book that would resonate true despite sexual preference.
February 2, 2012
Very much enjoyed reading of the relationship growing between Dan, Terry and Melissa, the homeless teen who is part of their open adoption. Very poignant and true. I did think the sections talking about the current situation of adoption, the ability of gay couples to adopt and have children together did get a bit overbearing. It could be because I wholeheartedly support the rights of gay parents to do so and wish they had all the benefits and legal guarantees that straight people do. If he was hoping to open up someone's eyes and heart who didn't share such views, I don't think this book would do it. But readers should read his next book "The Commitment" to see how their son has grown up:)
November 1, 2008
Touching, snarky and utterly charming! I defy you not to turn into a pool of goo after reading this. Dan Savage, who, as ever, makes a refreshingly blunt narrator, takes us through his experience of adopting a kid from a homeless "gutter-punk". He doesn't pull any punches and addresses the politics and the iss-ues while remaining disarmingly personal (and personable) about the whole process.
I am a cold-hearted, cynical person who doesn't want kids for a very long time (thankyouverymuch), but I loved this book.
I am a cold-hearted, cynical person who doesn't want kids for a very long time (thankyouverymuch), but I loved this book.
November 5, 2013
Finished this book this morning. I had only 20 pages left and wanted to read so it was the first thing I did. Yes it was a very interesting book. One thing that surprised me was his language. I liked it! Did not expect that from an American writer. lol. It was interesting to see how the open adoption go's and also to read about the gay men's view.
Now I am going to read book 2. so glad Joanna offered this as a 2 offer in the swap.
ETA: November 5 2013. Reading this review I think I meant he was using swear words.
Now I am going to read book 2. so glad Joanna offered this as a 2 offer in the swap.
ETA: November 5 2013. Reading this review I think I meant he was using swear words.
July 14, 2007
this was another book john brought along for me to puerto rico and was read pool side. i hope i'm not biased remembering these lovely spring break reads. this book re-opened my eyes to the myriad prejudices and injustices that gay and lesbian couples face when adopting and parenting in the US. dan's story of he and his boyfriend terry was so great and was really inspiring and made me want to punch conservative politicians in the nuts so they would stop having conservative babies.
March 22, 2010
Dan Savage is the writer of the sex-column, Savage Love. In this book, we get to see a different side of him as he and his boyfriend take a major step to adopt a child. The story is humorous and gives some interesting insight into the open adoption process. It was also interesting to hear about adoption from the aspect of a gay couple as the process can often prove more difficult for same sex couples than hetero couples.
May 19, 2018
Non-Fiction. Witty, hilarious, and insightful. I read this book a while back when my partner and I were first discussing the remote possibility of having kids. Dan Savage does a great job of explaining how he and his partner felt during the entire process, from being selected, to bringing the kid home. Definitely has some laugh out loud moments as well. Overall, a really great book.
May 26, 2015
Even though the legal landscape has changed so much in the past 15 years, this book still remains so relevant. I really appreciate Dan Savage's humor and this really humanized what can feel like a very overwhelming process.
October 23, 2013
A perfect book. So great and moving.
August 27, 2014
P good.
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