What do you think?
Rate this book
毓賳丿賲丕 賷賰賵賳 兀賮囟賱 賲丕 賱丿賷賰 睾賷乇 賰丕賮賺 : 爻乇 丕賱乇賯賷 廿賱賶 賲丕 賴賵 賲胤賱賵亘
賷賵囟丨 賱賰 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賰賷賮 鬲丨鬲賮賷 亘賲賵丕賴亘賰 賵鬲賯亘賱 毓賷賵亘賰 賵賷亘賷賳 丕賱胤乇賷賯丞 丕賱鬲賷 鬲丨丿丿 - 賮賷 胤賮賵賱鬲賳丕 - 丿乇噩丞 賳噩丕丨賳丕 兀賵 賮卮賱賳丕 毓賳丿 丕賱賰亘乇貙 賵賷卮乇丨 賰賷賮 賷賲賰賳 兀賳 賷賰鬲爻亘 賰賱 賮乇丿 賳賲胤丕 氐丨賷丕 亘睾囟 丕賱賳馗乇 毓賳 丕賱賲丕囟賷 賰匕賱賰 賷亘賷賳 胤乇賷賯丞 鬲胤亘賷賯 賴匕賴 丕賱賲亘丕丿卅 匕丕鬲賴丕 賮賷 鬲乇亘賷丞 兀胤賮丕賱賳丕 毓賱賶 兀爻丕爻 丕丨鬲乇丕賲 丕賱匕丕鬲 亘卮賰賱 氐丨賷. 賮丕匕丕 賰賳鬲 鬲乇賷丿 丕丨丿丕孬 鬲睾賷賷乇 丕賷噩丕亘賷 賮賷 丨賷丕鬲賰 賮賷賲賰賳賰 兀賳 鬲亘丿 兀 賲賳 賴賳丕.
273 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1988
66 people are currently reading
478 people want to read
About the author
Kevin Leman
205听books369听followersDr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
May 23, 2012
Very Strong Offering beneficial to Many
Dr Leman is best known for his book regarding birth order and its effect upon personality and characteristics and so I expected this book to be good and I was not disappointed.
It is ironic, but the fact is that many underachievers are in fact not lazy, but people capable of excellence who have determined on some level that it is safer to gaurd against being judged by others by engineering circumstances in their lives, jobs and relationships to where other elements can be blamed, at least in the mind of that person, and they are insulated from the terrible judgement that they somehow are just not capable people.
I was struck as I read this with Dr Leman's ability to tie in a great deal from the the field of cognative behavioral therapy which has moved treatment beyond a Freudian or Jungian approach that may provide insight as to how someone has become a defeated perfectionist, but offered precious little on what to practically do about it. Dr. Leman quotes from and includes many broad themes from this field, with several direct references to Dr. David Burns who is a leader in this field.
Issues such as self-talk and coaching are addressed well and within the grasp of the average reader in an easy to read and entertaining manner.
Well worth the read. Consider it a practical read for self-coaching. It would make a good introduction to this area of behavioral therapy and should be followed up with Dr. Burns' material for those that find themselves benefitting and wanting more.
Bart Breen
Dr Leman is best known for his book regarding birth order and its effect upon personality and characteristics and so I expected this book to be good and I was not disappointed.
It is ironic, but the fact is that many underachievers are in fact not lazy, but people capable of excellence who have determined on some level that it is safer to gaurd against being judged by others by engineering circumstances in their lives, jobs and relationships to where other elements can be blamed, at least in the mind of that person, and they are insulated from the terrible judgement that they somehow are just not capable people.
I was struck as I read this with Dr Leman's ability to tie in a great deal from the the field of cognative behavioral therapy which has moved treatment beyond a Freudian or Jungian approach that may provide insight as to how someone has become a defeated perfectionist, but offered precious little on what to practically do about it. Dr. Leman quotes from and includes many broad themes from this field, with several direct references to Dr. David Burns who is a leader in this field.
Issues such as self-talk and coaching are addressed well and within the grasp of the average reader in an easy to read and entertaining manner.
Well worth the read. Consider it a practical read for self-coaching. It would make a good introduction to this area of behavioral therapy and should be followed up with Dr. Burns' material for those that find themselves benefitting and wanting more.
Bart Breen
June 26, 2013
乇睾賲 毓丿賲 丨亘賶 賱賰賱 兀賳賵丕毓 丕賱鬲賳賲賷丞 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞 丕賱丕 丕賳 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賷毓鬲亘乇 賳馗乇丞 噩丿賷丿丞 賱賱丨賷丕丞 兀賰孬乇 賲賳賴 賳賵毓 賲賳 丕賱鬲賳賲賷丞 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞
賷賲賰賳賰 丕賳 鬲禺乇噩 賲賳 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 亘丕毓丕丿丞 丕賰鬲卮丕賮 丕禺胤丕亍賮賶 丕賮賰丕乇賰 ,,,
丕賰孬乇 賲丕 賷賲賷夭 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 丕賳賴 賱丕 賷乇賷丿賰 丕賳 鬲卮亘賴 兀丨丿丕 丨鬲賶 鬲丨賯賯 賲丕 丨賯賯賴 賲賳 丕賳噩丕夭丕鬲
賷胤賱亘 賲賳賰 丕賳 鬲禺鬲丕乇 胤乇賷賯鬲賰 亘賳賮爻賰 賵兀爻賱賵亘賰 亘賳賮爻賰 賵賱賰賳 亘兀爻賱賵亘 賲賳馗賲 賵亘乇賵丨 丕賱乇囟丕 丿丕卅賲丕 賮賶 丕賱賲賰爻亘 賵丕賱禺爻丕乇丞 賲毓 丕賱丨賷丕丞
賷賲賰賳賰 丕賳 鬲禺乇噩 賲賳 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 亘丕毓丕丿丞 丕賰鬲卮丕賮 丕禺胤丕亍賮賶 丕賮賰丕乇賰 ,,,
丕賰孬乇 賲丕 賷賲賷夭 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 丕賳賴 賱丕 賷乇賷丿賰 丕賳 鬲卮亘賴 兀丨丿丕 丨鬲賶 鬲丨賯賯 賲丕 丨賯賯賴 賲賳 丕賳噩丕夭丕鬲
賷胤賱亘 賲賳賰 丕賳 鬲禺鬲丕乇 胤乇賷賯鬲賰 亘賳賮爻賰 賵兀爻賱賵亘賰 亘賳賮爻賰 賵賱賰賳 亘兀爻賱賵亘 賲賳馗賲 賵亘乇賵丨 丕賱乇囟丕 丿丕卅賲丕 賮賶 丕賱賲賰爻亘 賵丕賱禺爻丕乇丞 賲毓 丕賱丨賷丕丞
February 8, 2008
When my husband picked up The Birth Order Book, I picked up this one. I am glad I read the Birth Order Book first, as it gives a general overview first born perfectionists. This book is designed to address that situation. It gives practical advice on overcoming stumbling blocks that make your life tedious work instead of the joy filled experience that God intended it to be. Dr. Leman also gives tips on parenting - encouraging your children and setting up realistic goals without being overly critical.
I tried to learn how to play the piano when I was a teenager, but I got so frustrated because I kept making mistakes that I quit. I think I might like to try again, this time I would keep Dr. Leman's comments in mind and just enjoy it.
I tried to learn how to play the piano when I was a teenager, but I got so frustrated because I kept making mistakes that I quit. I think I might like to try again, this time I would keep Dr. Leman's comments in mind and just enjoy it.
September 6, 2013
Excellent information. All perfectionists should read this book. It opened my eyes to defeated perfectionism, criticism, and how they affect every area of one's life. Especially eye-opening was how we pass that down to our children and how it affects their lives. It has given me a new perspective on my negative self-talk and how that affects me spiritually. I want all of my children to read this book.
September 26, 2013
Any person struggling with feelings of dissatisfaction and never measuring up in life would benefit from the insights Dr. Leman shares in this book. The 'defeated perfectionist' idea was particularly interesting as were the practical tips on 'lowering the high-jump bar' of life.
February 26, 2018
I only gave it 3 stars, but this piece provided some thought-provoking points to consider. Why do you see the world and others the way you do? Why do you see yourself the way you do? You are influenced intentionally and unintentionally in your view of yourself and thus view is formed at a very young age. Mindfulness comes to, well, mind. (Pardon my grammar. I have no idea about those commas!) I suspect I haven't gone above 3 stars is that it has a lot of Jesus and for me, that doesn't work. I have nothing against any faith, so don't be offended and jump to argue, please. All that said, I've got more thinking to do. It confirmed some ideas I've had whirling around for a while. It also served to remind me that, as a teacher, I have a very important task. That is to build confidence and self-esteem in each child even when it seems like their only job is to make mine unbearable.
December 30, 2017
亘丕賱賳爻亘丞 賱賷 賵噩丿鬲 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賱賴 鬲兀孬賷乇 毓賲賷賯 賱丕兀毓賱賲 賴賱 賱兀賳賷 亘丕賱賮毓賱 ( 氐丨氐丨鬲 ) 賱鬲賱賰 丕賱乇爻丕卅賱 丕賱鬲賷 賵囟毓賴丕 賮賷 賰鬲丕亘賴貙
兀丨亘亘鬲 胤乇賷賯鬲賴 賮賷 丕賱爻乇丿 賵丕賱鬲賮丕氐賷賱 賲毓 匕賰乇 丕賱賯氐氐 廿賱丕 兀賳賳賷 兀氐亘鬲 亘丕賱賲賱賱 禺氐賵氐丕賸 毓賳丿 囟乇亘賴 賱賱兀賲孬賱丞 賱亘毓囟 丕賱乇賷丕囟賷賷賳 貙貙
賮賷 丕賱丨賯賷賯丞 丕賱鬲乇噩賲丞 噩賷丿丞 噩賷丿丕賸 賮賴賷 賲丨賮賵馗丞 賱賲賰鬲亘丞 噩乇賷乇 貙 賱賰賳 賵噩丿鬲 丕賱鬲乇噩賲丞 禺氐賵氐丕賸 丕賱噩丕賳賷 丕賱丿賷賳賷 賲賱賮鬲 賱賱賳馗乇 貙
兀毓賱賲 亘兀賳 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賲鬲丿賷賳 賱賰賳 丕爻鬲睾乇亘鬲 賲賳 鬲卮丕亘賴 丕賱鬲毓賱賷賲丕鬲 賲毓 丕賱丿賷丕賳丞 丕賱廿爻賱丕賲賷丞 兀賵 賴賵 丕噩鬲賴丕丿 賲賳 丕賱賲鬲乇噩賲 賱匕賱賰 廿賳 鬲賷爻乇 丕賱兀賲乇 爻兀賯乇兀 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 丕賱兀氐賱賷 賲賳 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賲亘丕卮乇丞.
賮賷 丕賱毓賲賵賲 爻賷賰賵賳 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賲賳 丕賱賰鬲亘 丕賱賲賮囟賱丞 毓賳丿賷 賵爻兀毓賵丿 廿賱賷賴 亘賷賳 賮鬲乇丞 賵兀禺乇賶
兀丨亘亘鬲 胤乇賷賯鬲賴 賮賷 丕賱爻乇丿 賵丕賱鬲賮丕氐賷賱 賲毓 匕賰乇 丕賱賯氐氐 廿賱丕 兀賳賳賷 兀氐亘鬲 亘丕賱賲賱賱 禺氐賵氐丕賸 毓賳丿 囟乇亘賴 賱賱兀賲孬賱丞 賱亘毓囟 丕賱乇賷丕囟賷賷賳 貙貙
賮賷 丕賱丨賯賷賯丞 丕賱鬲乇噩賲丞 噩賷丿丞 噩賷丿丕賸 賮賴賷 賲丨賮賵馗丞 賱賲賰鬲亘丞 噩乇賷乇 貙 賱賰賳 賵噩丿鬲 丕賱鬲乇噩賲丞 禺氐賵氐丕賸 丕賱噩丕賳賷 丕賱丿賷賳賷 賲賱賮鬲 賱賱賳馗乇 貙
兀毓賱賲 亘兀賳 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賲鬲丿賷賳 賱賰賳 丕爻鬲睾乇亘鬲 賲賳 鬲卮丕亘賴 丕賱鬲毓賱賷賲丕鬲 賲毓 丕賱丿賷丕賳丞 丕賱廿爻賱丕賲賷丞 兀賵 賴賵 丕噩鬲賴丕丿 賲賳 丕賱賲鬲乇噩賲 賱匕賱賰 廿賳 鬲賷爻乇 丕賱兀賲乇 爻兀賯乇兀 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 丕賱兀氐賱賷 賲賳 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賲亘丕卮乇丞.
賮賷 丕賱毓賲賵賲 爻賷賰賵賳 賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賲賳 丕賱賰鬲亘 丕賱賲賮囟賱丞 毓賳丿賷 賵爻兀毓賵丿 廿賱賷賴 亘賷賳 賮鬲乇丞 賵兀禺乇賶
August 12, 2020
While I did appreciate the heart of this book, it is not what I was really looking for. For example, a good chunk of it read more like a parenting book than a book teaching me to deal with insecurities and bad thinking habits. What I got out of this book were a few helpful perspectives, parenting tips, and realizing that my 鈥渂rand鈥� of perfectionism isn鈥檛 the only one. What I didn鈥檛 get, as much, was how to deal with my own 鈥渂rand鈥� of perfectionism
January 6, 2020
亘丿丕賷丞 賷毓乇賮賳丕 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 毓賳 胤丕賱亘 丕賱賰賲丕賱 丕賱賲賴夭賵賲 賵 賰賷賮 兀賳賴 賷丿賵乇 賮賷 丿丕卅乇丞 賲賮乇睾丞 賱丕 賷爻鬲胤賷毓 丕賱禺乇賵噩 賲賳賴丕 賮賷亘丿賵 賱賱賯丕乇卅 賰賱丕賲 乇鬲賷亘 賵 賲賲賱貙貙 廿賱丕 兀賳 賷亘丿兀 賮賷 噩夭卅賷丞 鬲乇亘賷丞 丕賱兀胤賮丕賱 賵 胤乇賷賯丞 丕賱鬲毓丕賲賱 賲毓賴賲 賵 賲丿賶 鬲兀孬賷乇 丕賱丨賵丕丿孬 賮賷 丕賱氐睾乇 毓賱賶 卮禺氐賷丞 丕賱胤賮賱 毓賳丿 丕賱賰亘乇 貙貙 賵 賲賳 兀噩賲賱 丕賱兀爻丕賱賷亘 賮賷 丕賱鬲毓丕賲賱 賲毓 丕賱兀胤賮丕賱 賴賷 丕賱鬲毓賱賲 賲賳 丕賱賵丕賯毓 兀毓噩亘鬲賳賷 噩丿丕貙貙 丕賱噩夭亍 丕賱兀禺賷乇 賲賳 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賰丕賳鬲 賲噩乇丿 賰賱賲丕鬲 鬲卮噩賷毓賷丞 賵 鬲丨賮賷夭賷丞 賱丕 兀賰孬乇.
August 12, 2022
Leman's thoughts are simple and easily understood. Occasionally his examples are overly simplified and not as useful to apply but the theories seem to be sound. Decent read for folks that are hard on themselves
March 12, 2019
Great read.
December 23, 2020
Read as audiobook
July 22, 2021
Helpful book for perfectionists like me and a couple folks dear to me
February 24, 2022
Loved this book!
I learned so much in this book! I'm going to read it again! I've learned to be happy with who I am
!
I learned so much in this book! I'm going to read it again! I've learned to be happy with who I am
!
January 26, 2024
Really a parenting book with A LOT of personal examples (some real, some hypothetical). Wasn鈥檛 what I was looking for to read.
April 3, 2025
賰賷賮賳 賱賷賲丕賳 賷卮乇丨 丕賱賰賲丕賱賷丞 亘胤乇賷賯丞 爻賴賱丞貙 賵賷禺賱賷賰 鬲卮賵賮賷賳 廿賳 賰孬賷乇 賲賳 丕賱鬲賵鬲乇 賵丕賱賯賱賯 丕賱賱賷 鬲丨爻賷賳 賮賷賴 賴賵 賱兀賳賰 鬲丨丕賵賱賷賳 鈥溫ㄘ娰� 賳賮爻賰 胤賵賱 丕賱賵賯鬲鈥�.
賴賵 賲丕 賷胤賱亘 賲賳賰 鬲賰賵賳賷賳 賲賴賲賱丞 兀賵 毓卮賵丕卅賷丞貙 賱賰賳 賷賯賵賱賰:
鈥溬冑堎嗁� 廿賳爻丕賳丞鈥� 賲賵 乇賵亘賵鬲.鈥�
丕賱噩賲賷賱 賮賷 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 廿賳賴 毓賲賱賷貙 賷毓胤賷賰 兀賲孬賱丞 賵丕賯毓賷丞 賵賳氐丕賷丨 鬲胤亘賯賷賳賴丕 毓賱賶 賳賮爻賰 賲亘丕卮乇丞.
丕賱丕賳胤亘丕毓 丕賱毓丕賲:
鈥� 賲乇賷丨貙 亘爻賷胤貙 賵丕賯毓賷.
鈥� 賲賳丕爻亘 噩丿賸丕 賱賱賷 鬲毓亘賵丕 賲賳 噩賱丿 丕賱匕丕鬲 賵鬲賮鬲賷卮 丕賱毓賷賵亘
賴賵 賲丕 賷胤賱亘 賲賳賰 鬲賰賵賳賷賳 賲賴賲賱丞 兀賵 毓卮賵丕卅賷丞貙 賱賰賳 賷賯賵賱賰:
鈥溬冑堎嗁� 廿賳爻丕賳丞鈥� 賲賵 乇賵亘賵鬲.鈥�
丕賱噩賲賷賱 賮賷 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 廿賳賴 毓賲賱賷貙 賷毓胤賷賰 兀賲孬賱丞 賵丕賯毓賷丞 賵賳氐丕賷丨 鬲胤亘賯賷賳賴丕 毓賱賶 賳賮爻賰 賲亘丕卮乇丞.
丕賱丕賳胤亘丕毓 丕賱毓丕賲:
鈥� 賲乇賷丨貙 亘爻賷胤貙 賵丕賯毓賷.
鈥� 賲賳丕爻亘 噩丿賸丕 賱賱賷 鬲毓亘賵丕 賲賳 噩賱丿 丕賱匕丕鬲 賵鬲賮鬲賷卮 丕賱毓賷賵亘
November 8, 2022
Great content, something I really needed to hear. Especially the bits about how some people can never be satisfied and it's not your fault.
I think I have a bit of reservation having grown up in the Christian subculture with Kevin Leman's book about birth order. And yet, this content does hold up, even if it does come from a place of expertise instead of co-suffering.
I think I have a bit of reservation having grown up in the Christian subculture with Kevin Leman's book about birth order. And yet, this content does hold up, even if it does come from a place of expertise instead of co-suffering.
December 4, 2010
i read the Arabic version of this book.. It really change my thinking.. has many good ideas.. it is very rare when i start to read a book and didn't leave it until i finished.. this book is one of them
November 15, 2013
The writing of this book is a bit repetitive, and I got sick of endless 7-point lists of things to do. Even so, there are some good suggestions and nuggets. I especially liked the chapter on raising your own children and his approach to "reality discipline."
January 17, 2016
Today I've finished many books that have been on the nightstand for too long! This one was excellent. I cherished it in small snippets & will refer to it again and again. Love Kevin Leman's books in general.
November 3, 2016
There were a lot of great parenting tips in this book (similar to other Leman books) that I wasn't expecting, as this did not appear to be a parenting book. Parenting, as well as taking care of yourself, has to be intentional!
April 11, 2013
賲賳 賰鬲亘 丕賱鬲賳賲賷丞 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞 丕賱賯賱賷賱丞 丕賱噩賷丿丞
December 28, 2013
Good lessons with how to treat kids, and get trust.
Great points I got, many of my friends found it really useful with them kids.
Great points I got, many of my friends found it really useful with them kids.
October 10, 2014
Encouragement for perfectionists.
April 10, 2015
噩賲賲賲賷賱 賲賳 賰鬲亘賷 丕賱賲賮囟賱賴 丕賱鬲賷 兀孬乇鬲 賮賷賳賷
October 7, 2021
Amazing, extremely helpful book for low-esteem and change and just basic self-improvement, focusing on parenting and raising children.
April 16, 2016
Hi. Never. Try. And. Please. Anyone. But. Your self. You. Have. A. Lot. Of. You. Left. Dont. You. Owe. This. To. Your. Self. Encourage. Your. Own. Self. You. Can. Do. This.
December 7, 2016
賲賳 賰鬲亘 丕賱鬲賳賲賷丞 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞 丕賱噩賷丿丞 丕賱鬲賷 鬲毓賷丿 賱賰 卮賷卅丕 賲賳 孬賯鬲賰 亘賳賮爻賰 賵賰賷賮 鬲乇囟賶 亘賲丕 賱丿賷賰 貙 賲賳丕爻亘 賱賲賳 賷丨賲賱賵賳 丕賳賮爻賴賲 賮賵賯 胤丕賯鬲賴丕 賲賳 丕賱賱賵賲 賵胤賱亘 丕賱賰賲丕賱 亘賳丕亍 毓賱賶 丕賱賳馗乇 賱賲丕 賱丿賶 丕賱丕禺乇賷賳 賲賳 賲賵丕賴亘 賵丕賲賰丕賳丕鬲 ..
October 29, 2021
Changed my perspective on how I view my procrastination. Contains plenty of useful parenting tips.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get help and learn more about the design.