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賰賷賮 賳鬲夭賵噩: 丨賮賱 丕賱夭賮丕賮 賲丕 賯亘賱賴 賵賲丕 賷賱賷賴
賯丿賲 賲丿乇爻丞 丕賱丨賷丕丞 廿毓丕丿丞 鬲賮賰賷乇 噩乇賷卅丞 賮賷 賵丕丨丿丞 賲賳 兀賴賲 丕賱胤賯賵爻 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞: 丨賮賱 丕賱夭賮丕賮 -賲丕 賯亘賱賴 賵賲丕 亘毓丿賴鈥� 賵賰賷賮賷丞 廿毓丿丕丿賳丕 賱賱夭賵丕噩 丕賱毓氐乇賷. 賷卮毓乇 丕賱毓丿賷丿 賲賳 丕賱兀夭賵丕噩 丕賱賷賵賲 亘毓丿賲 丕賱丕乇鬲賷丕丨 鬲噩丕賴 丕賱胤賯賵爻 丕賱鬲賯賱賷丿賷丞 賱賱夭賵丕噩 睾賷乇 丕賱賲鬲賵丕賮賯丞 賲毓 丕賱毓賱丕賯丕鬲 丕賱賲毓丕氐乇丞. 賵賯丿 兀毓丕丿鬲 "賲丿乇爻丞 丕賱丨賷丕丞" 丕賱鬲賮賰賷乇 賮賷 賷賵賲 丕賱夭賮丕賮 丕賱賲孬丕賱賷貙 賵兀毓丕丿鬲 鬲氐賲賷賲 丕賱毓賲賱賷丞 亘乇賲賻賾鬲賴丕 賲賳 丕賱氐賮乇.
113 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2023
43 people are currently reading
529 people want to read
About the author
Alain de Botton
136听books14.9k听followersAlain de Botton is a writer and television producer who lives in London and aims to make philosophy relevant to everyday life. He can be contacted by email directly via
He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'
His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.
Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'
His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.
Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
October 14, 2023
毓賳丿賲丕 丕卮鬲乇賷 卮賷卅丕 噩丿賷丿丕 兀賰賵賳 賲鬲賱賴賮丕 賱賮鬲丨 丕賱毓賱亘丞 丨鬲賶 賵 丕賳 鬲賲夭賯鬲 賵 賮賯丿鬲 賮乇氐丞 丕賱廿乇噩丕毓 丕賳 賰丕賳鬲 賲毓賷賵亘丞. 賵 兀賵賱 賲丕 賷氐丕丿賮賳賷 賮賷 丕賱毓丕丿丞 賴賵 胤乇賷賯丞 丕賱丕爻鬲禺丿丕賲 賵 丨賷賳賴丕 兀賱賯賷 亘賴丕 毓賱賶 兀賯乇亘 胤丕賵賱丞 賱賮鬲乇丞 胤賵賷賱丞 賵 乇亘賲丕 賱賱兀亘丿 亘睾囟 丕賱賳馗乇 丕賳 賰賳鬲 兀毓乇賮 兀賷 卮賷亍 賲爻亘賯丕 毓賳 胤乇賷賯丞 丕賱鬲卮睾賷賱 兀賲 賱丕. 賮丕賱丕賳爻丕賳 兀爻賷乇 丕賱鬲噩乇亘丞. 賳丨亘 兀賳 賳毓乇賮 亘兀賳賮爻賳丕 丿賵賳 丕賱賱噩賵亍 賱賱睾賷乇 賵 賳噩丿 賮賷 匕賱賰 賲鬲毓丞 賰亘賷乇丞. 賯丿 賳丨鬲丕噩 賱丿賱賷賱 丕賱丕爻鬲禺丿丕賲 兀丨賷丕賳丕 賵 賱賰賳賳丕 賱丕 賳賱噩兀 兀亘丿丕 賱賴 賰禺胤賵丞 丕爻鬲亘丕賯賷丞.
賷亘丿兀 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賴賳丕 亘丿丕賷丞 賯賵賷丞 賵 氐丕丿賲丞 賵 爻丕禺乇丞 毓賳 賮賰乇丞 丕賱夭賵丕噩 賳賮爻賴 賵 毓賳 卮賰賱 賲丐爻爻丞 丕賱兀爻乇丞 亘賵氐賮賴賲丕 賲賳 亘賯丕賷丕 丕賱毓氐乇 丕賱亘胤乇賷乇賰賷 丕賱匕賷 卮睾賱 賮賷賴 丕賱丿賷賳 丨噩乇 丕賱兀爻丕爻 賮賷 丕賱毓賱丕賯丕鬲 丕賱廿噩鬲賲丕毓賷丞. 賵 賴賵 賷乇賶 兀賳賴 丨丕賳 丕賱賵賯鬲 賱鬲噩丕賵夭 匕賱賰 丕賱賳賵毓 賲賳 丕賱毓賱丕賯丕鬲 賱亘賳丕亍 卮賰賱 兀禺乇 賲賳 丕賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱兀卮丿 氐丿賯丕 賵 賲鬲丕賳丞 賵 兀賰孬乇 賲乇賵賳丞 賵 賮賷 賳賮爻 丕賱賵賯鬲 兀賲鬲毓 賱賱胤乇賮賷賳. 賵 丕賱丨賯 兀賳賳賷 兀鬲賮賯 賲毓賴 賮賷 兀賳 丕賱兀爻乇丞 賱賷爻鬲 賴賷 丕賱卮賰賱 丕賱兀賲孬賱 賱賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱丕噩鬲賲丕毓賷丞 賵 賱賰賳賴丕 賮賷 丕賱賵賯鬲 賳賮爻賴 賴賷 兀賮囟賱 賲丕 兀鬲賷丨 賱賳丕 丨鬲賶 丕賱丌賳 爻賷賲丕 賲毓 丕賱鬲丨爻賷賳丕鬲 丕賱賯丕賳賵賳賷丞 丕賱鬲賷 鬲丨丕賵賱 丨賮馗 丕賱丨賯賵賯 賱賰賱 丕賱兀胤乇丕賮 賯亘賱 賵 兀孬賳丕亍 賵 亘毓丿 丕賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱夭賵噩賷丞 丨爻亘 胤亘賷毓丞 賰賱 賲噩鬲賲毓 鬲賲丕賲丕 賰賲丕 兀賳 丕賱丿賷賲賵賯乇丕胤賷丞 賱賷爻鬲 兀賮囟賱 賵爻賷賱丞 賱賱丨賰賲 賵 賱賰賳賴丕 賲丕 夭丕賱鬲 兀賮囟賱 賲丕 鬲賵氐賱鬲 廿賱賷賴 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞 賵 兀孬亘鬲 賳噩丕丨丕 賲毓 丕賱鬲噩丕乇亘 丕賱賰孬賷乇丞 賵 丕賱胤賵賷賱丞.
賷爻賴亘 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賮賷 乇兀賷賴 毓賳 丕賱夭賵丕噩 賵 賷乇賰夭 兀賰孬乇 毓賱賶 兀賳賴 賲丕 賲賳 爻亘賷賱 賱鬲噩賳亘 丕賱夭賵丕噩 睾丕賱亘丕 賱匕丕 賮賲賳 丕賱兀賮囟賱 兀賳 賳賵丕噩賴 賴匕賴 丕賱丨賯賷賯丞 亘丿賱賷賱 賲鬲賰丕賲賱 毓賳 賲丕 賷賳亘睾賷 毓賱賷賳丕 賮毓賱賴 賱賷賰賵賳 夭賵丕噩賳丕 兀賯賱 賲毓丕賳丕丞 賵 兀賰孬乇 賳囟噩丕 賵 賳賰賵賳 兀賯丿乇 毓賱賶 丕賱鬲賮丕賴賲 賵 丕賱毓賷卮 丕賱賲卮鬲乇賰. 賵 丕賱丨賯 兀賳賴丕 賳氐丕卅丨 賲賲鬲丕夭丞 賵 鬲毓賱賷賲丕鬲 賲賳鬲賯丕丞 亘毓賳丕賷丞 賵 賲賱丕丨馗丕鬲 禺亘賷乇 賮賷 賲毓馗賲賴丕 賵 賱賰賳賳丕 賵 賰賲丕 爻亘賯 兀賳 賯賱鬲 賱丕 賳賴鬲賲 兀亘丿丕 亘賯乇丕亍丞 丿賱賷賱 丕賱丕爻鬲禺丿丕賲 賵 賱賳 賳氐丿賯 兀亘丿丕 廿賱丕 賲丕 鬲卮丕賴丿賴 兀毓賷賳賳丕 賵 賱賳 賳鬲毓賱賲 廿賱丕 賲賳 賰賷爻賳丕.
賷亘丿兀 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賴賳丕 亘丿丕賷丞 賯賵賷丞 賵 氐丕丿賲丞 賵 爻丕禺乇丞 毓賳 賮賰乇丞 丕賱夭賵丕噩 賳賮爻賴 賵 毓賳 卮賰賱 賲丐爻爻丞 丕賱兀爻乇丞 亘賵氐賮賴賲丕 賲賳 亘賯丕賷丕 丕賱毓氐乇 丕賱亘胤乇賷乇賰賷 丕賱匕賷 卮睾賱 賮賷賴 丕賱丿賷賳 丨噩乇 丕賱兀爻丕爻 賮賷 丕賱毓賱丕賯丕鬲 丕賱廿噩鬲賲丕毓賷丞. 賵 賴賵 賷乇賶 兀賳賴 丨丕賳 丕賱賵賯鬲 賱鬲噩丕賵夭 匕賱賰 丕賱賳賵毓 賲賳 丕賱毓賱丕賯丕鬲 賱亘賳丕亍 卮賰賱 兀禺乇 賲賳 丕賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱兀卮丿 氐丿賯丕 賵 賲鬲丕賳丞 賵 兀賰孬乇 賲乇賵賳丞 賵 賮賷 賳賮爻 丕賱賵賯鬲 兀賲鬲毓 賱賱胤乇賮賷賳. 賵 丕賱丨賯 兀賳賳賷 兀鬲賮賯 賲毓賴 賮賷 兀賳 丕賱兀爻乇丞 賱賷爻鬲 賴賷 丕賱卮賰賱 丕賱兀賲孬賱 賱賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱丕噩鬲賲丕毓賷丞 賵 賱賰賳賴丕 賮賷 丕賱賵賯鬲 賳賮爻賴 賴賷 兀賮囟賱 賲丕 兀鬲賷丨 賱賳丕 丨鬲賶 丕賱丌賳 爻賷賲丕 賲毓 丕賱鬲丨爻賷賳丕鬲 丕賱賯丕賳賵賳賷丞 丕賱鬲賷 鬲丨丕賵賱 丨賮馗 丕賱丨賯賵賯 賱賰賱 丕賱兀胤乇丕賮 賯亘賱 賵 兀孬賳丕亍 賵 亘毓丿 丕賱毓賱丕賯丞 丕賱夭賵噩賷丞 丨爻亘 胤亘賷毓丞 賰賱 賲噩鬲賲毓 鬲賲丕賲丕 賰賲丕 兀賳 丕賱丿賷賲賵賯乇丕胤賷丞 賱賷爻鬲 兀賮囟賱 賵爻賷賱丞 賱賱丨賰賲 賵 賱賰賳賴丕 賲丕 夭丕賱鬲 兀賮囟賱 賲丕 鬲賵氐賱鬲 廿賱賷賴 丕賱亘卮乇賷丞 賵 兀孬亘鬲 賳噩丕丨丕 賲毓 丕賱鬲噩丕乇亘 丕賱賰孬賷乇丞 賵 丕賱胤賵賷賱丞.
賷爻賴亘 丕賱賰丕鬲亘 賮賷 乇兀賷賴 毓賳 丕賱夭賵丕噩 賵 賷乇賰夭 兀賰孬乇 毓賱賶 兀賳賴 賲丕 賲賳 爻亘賷賱 賱鬲噩賳亘 丕賱夭賵丕噩 睾丕賱亘丕 賱匕丕 賮賲賳 丕賱兀賮囟賱 兀賳 賳賵丕噩賴 賴匕賴 丕賱丨賯賷賯丞 亘丿賱賷賱 賲鬲賰丕賲賱 毓賳 賲丕 賷賳亘睾賷 毓賱賷賳丕 賮毓賱賴 賱賷賰賵賳 夭賵丕噩賳丕 兀賯賱 賲毓丕賳丕丞 賵 兀賰孬乇 賳囟噩丕 賵 賳賰賵賳 兀賯丿乇 毓賱賶 丕賱鬲賮丕賴賲 賵 丕賱毓賷卮 丕賱賲卮鬲乇賰. 賵 丕賱丨賯 兀賳賴丕 賳氐丕卅丨 賲賲鬲丕夭丞 賵 鬲毓賱賷賲丕鬲 賲賳鬲賯丕丞 亘毓賳丕賷丞 賵 賲賱丕丨馗丕鬲 禺亘賷乇 賮賷 賲毓馗賲賴丕 賵 賱賰賳賳丕 賵 賰賲丕 爻亘賯 兀賳 賯賱鬲 賱丕 賳賴鬲賲 兀亘丿丕 亘賯乇丕亍丞 丿賱賷賱 丕賱丕爻鬲禺丿丕賲 賵 賱賳 賳氐丿賯 兀亘丿丕 廿賱丕 賲丕 鬲卮丕賴丿賴 兀毓賷賳賳丕 賵 賱賳 賳鬲毓賱賲 廿賱丕 賲賳 賰賷爻賳丕.
April 29, 2019
What the heck did I just read?
There are some good points in this book (no one is perfect, you will both learn from and teach your partner, etc.), and the tone in the beginning is harsh but fair. I was willing to go where it was leading, but it just got stranger and stranger as I kept going. It got to the point where I wondered if I had been tricked into reading some kind of satire.
Some of the things described sound like the bitter divorced person鈥檚 equivalent of a Festivus-style wedding. There鈥檚 an emotional prenuptial contract and The Book of Imperfections鈥nd that鈥檚 before the ceremony, which should be conducted by an officiant 鈥渇illed with pity and tenderness鈥� who 鈥渨ill have something of the gravity and kindness of a radiologist who thinks you can be cured, but knows you face a lengthy and grim sequence of treatments.鈥� And after both partners admit that they are 鈥渇ailed and broken鈥� and have read excerpts from their Book of Imperfections to the congregation (followed by a reading, music that is 鈥渙penly sorrowful and plaintive,鈥� and many other events), they are to kiss in a 鈥渟olemn gesture.鈥�
And don鈥檛 think you get to have any fun at the reception either! There should be conversation menus for the guests so they can have deep discussions about marriage and relationships instead of 鈥渟imply chatting,鈥� speeches should refrain from jokes or any humor (鈥淵ou are here to provide information鈥�), and presents should be accompanied 鈥渨ith an account of why [the guest鈥檚] own marriage or relationships are difficult and why they are themselves awkward people to live with鈥� (single guests should arrive with vouchers for couples鈥� therapy).
To whoever wrote this: I鈥檓 sorry someone hurt you so badly in your past. I recognize that marriage is a solemn affair, but it鈥檚 not the grim death march you seem to want to portray. I鈥檓 going to have a little fun at my wedding, thank you very much.
I received a digital ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss+.
There are some good points in this book (no one is perfect, you will both learn from and teach your partner, etc.), and the tone in the beginning is harsh but fair. I was willing to go where it was leading, but it just got stranger and stranger as I kept going. It got to the point where I wondered if I had been tricked into reading some kind of satire.
Some of the things described sound like the bitter divorced person鈥檚 equivalent of a Festivus-style wedding. There鈥檚 an emotional prenuptial contract and The Book of Imperfections鈥nd that鈥檚 before the ceremony, which should be conducted by an officiant 鈥渇illed with pity and tenderness鈥� who 鈥渨ill have something of the gravity and kindness of a radiologist who thinks you can be cured, but knows you face a lengthy and grim sequence of treatments.鈥� And after both partners admit that they are 鈥渇ailed and broken鈥� and have read excerpts from their Book of Imperfections to the congregation (followed by a reading, music that is 鈥渙penly sorrowful and plaintive,鈥� and many other events), they are to kiss in a 鈥渟olemn gesture.鈥�
And don鈥檛 think you get to have any fun at the reception either! There should be conversation menus for the guests so they can have deep discussions about marriage and relationships instead of 鈥渟imply chatting,鈥� speeches should refrain from jokes or any humor (鈥淵ou are here to provide information鈥�), and presents should be accompanied 鈥渨ith an account of why [the guest鈥檚] own marriage or relationships are difficult and why they are themselves awkward people to live with鈥� (single guests should arrive with vouchers for couples鈥� therapy).
To whoever wrote this: I鈥檓 sorry someone hurt you so badly in your past. I recognize that marriage is a solemn affair, but it鈥檚 not the grim death march you seem to want to portray. I鈥檓 going to have a little fun at my wedding, thank you very much.
I received a digital ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss+.
September 20, 2023
I'm ambiguous about this book. Yes, definitely covers many important points about expectations from marriage and the partner, but s贸 many other points I'm absolutely wtf about - invite ANYONE AND EVERYONE? Who can afford it and why would you? Just why? And the ceremony bits which might as well be at a funeral with the atmosphere? I would be curious to know whether anyone has really gone through with the ceremony they describe there.
As said, some interesting bits and good references and ideas what to include, but it felt so out of the current society and social norms by far. And budget. Definitely out of my budget.
As said, some interesting bits and good references and ideas what to include, but it felt so out of the current society and social norms by far. And budget. Definitely out of my budget.
December 29, 2020
This book was sealed in the store because if you were to leaf through it you'd never buy it. The whole thing is about how marriage is a prison we enter so that we can commit to our partners, since we can only be kept by the fact that a marriage is a pain to break.
It seems like whoever reads this hates marriage and has never had a healthy relationship in their lives.
The ceremony they suggest has audience sections including one where they tell the couple that they are terrible.
This is a horrible book that was given to me and my fiance by someone who did not read it first. I don't fault them because they couldn't read it first but holy crap is it an awful thing to give someone who's getting married
It seems like whoever reads this hates marriage and has never had a healthy relationship in their lives.
The ceremony they suggest has audience sections including one where they tell the couple that they are terrible.
This is a horrible book that was given to me and my fiance by someone who did not read it first. I don't fault them because they couldn't read it first but holy crap is it an awful thing to give someone who's getting married
September 4, 2021
My fav quotes (not a review):
-Page 33 |
"If extraordinary sex is a priority, we should never get married. The largest generalisation we can make of marriage is that sex will decline within it. This isn鈥檛 a sign that we have made a mistake, but that we are succeeding at long-term commitment."
-Page 34 |
"Far from being the ideal expression of mutual love, sex will become a battlefield of grievances, reproaches and bitterness. It will, most evenings, feel much easier just to read a book."
-Page 35 |
"We鈥檒l feel certain that we鈥檇 split up if it wasn鈥檛 for the children 鈥� although it鈥檚 primarily the presence of children that will render the idea of divorce so attractive."
-Page 36 |
"The relief of honesty is at the heart of the feeling of being in love. A sense of mutual conspiracy underlies the touch of pity that every new couple feels for the rest of humanity."
-Page 59 |
"The couple are exchanging photographs of one another from childhood. We naturally act towards a child with a spirit of love that we often find it hard to adopt towards adults."
-Page 59 |
"Will you now exchange the ritual gifts of charity? Each partner exchanges a framed photograph of themselves as a child. The photographs are beautifully framed; they are important gifts."
-Page 33 |
"If extraordinary sex is a priority, we should never get married. The largest generalisation we can make of marriage is that sex will decline within it. This isn鈥檛 a sign that we have made a mistake, but that we are succeeding at long-term commitment."
-Page 34 |
"Far from being the ideal expression of mutual love, sex will become a battlefield of grievances, reproaches and bitterness. It will, most evenings, feel much easier just to read a book."
-Page 35 |
"We鈥檒l feel certain that we鈥檇 split up if it wasn鈥檛 for the children 鈥� although it鈥檚 primarily the presence of children that will render the idea of divorce so attractive."
-Page 36 |
"The relief of honesty is at the heart of the feeling of being in love. A sense of mutual conspiracy underlies the touch of pity that every new couple feels for the rest of humanity."
-Page 59 |
"The couple are exchanging photographs of one another from childhood. We naturally act towards a child with a spirit of love that we often find it hard to adopt towards adults."
-Page 59 |
"Will you now exchange the ritual gifts of charity? Each partner exchanges a framed photograph of themselves as a child. The photographs are beautifully framed; they are important gifts."
August 18, 2020
This book is so negative. I bought it thinking it would have an open minded tone with some ideas to alternative factors in a wedding and marriage but it really doesn't. I had to check the front cover again to make sure I didn't miss read it saying how NOT to get married because it seemed like that is what it was promoting.
January 1, 2019
Marriage is funny. I'm not married. Likely won't be any time soon.
But I've been fascinated about why people get married the way that they do, and happened upon this book that promises to explore just that.
The first chunk of the book explores the meaning and intentions behind marriage, which there was a lot there I didn't know about. I'm not big on ceremony or grandiose ideas. I lean towards practical. The author highlights what goes into a marriage ceremony, what different acts represent... that was cool, if for no other reason than to decide you do or don't care about any particular one.
The middle of the book explores a lot of very practical relationship advice. It quickly cuts through the fairy-tale wedding and marriage ideas, and gets straight to pushing the reader to recognize the efforts that go into having a "successful" marriage (aka, staying together).
The last bit of the book combines those two parts and offers a ceremony that fits these new ideals 鈥撎齩ne that introduces certain ceremonies to help the two people getting married (along with the guests) to recognize the weight behind the event taking place and ultimately the decision to get married.
There were parts of the offered ceremony itself that were neat and parts that sort of fell flat on me, but what was really neat is that it's the only resource I've come across that was critical (not positive, not negative - just critical) about the process and ceremony of marriage (albeit, I haven't looked hard, but..). It's nice to have something that differs from the weddings I've been to, to help guide what it is that I might be interested in myself.
For a short book (~130 pgs), it provided quite a lot to chew on.
But I've been fascinated about why people get married the way that they do, and happened upon this book that promises to explore just that.
The first chunk of the book explores the meaning and intentions behind marriage, which there was a lot there I didn't know about. I'm not big on ceremony or grandiose ideas. I lean towards practical. The author highlights what goes into a marriage ceremony, what different acts represent... that was cool, if for no other reason than to decide you do or don't care about any particular one.
The middle of the book explores a lot of very practical relationship advice. It quickly cuts through the fairy-tale wedding and marriage ideas, and gets straight to pushing the reader to recognize the efforts that go into having a "successful" marriage (aka, staying together).
The last bit of the book combines those two parts and offers a ceremony that fits these new ideals 鈥撎齩ne that introduces certain ceremonies to help the two people getting married (along with the guests) to recognize the weight behind the event taking place and ultimately the decision to get married.
There were parts of the offered ceremony itself that were neat and parts that sort of fell flat on me, but what was really neat is that it's the only resource I've come across that was critical (not positive, not negative - just critical) about the process and ceremony of marriage (albeit, I haven't looked hard, but..). It's nice to have something that differs from the weddings I've been to, to help guide what it is that I might be interested in myself.
For a short book (~130 pgs), it provided quite a lot to chew on.
February 12, 2025
The second star was earned in the first chapter of the book. It starts off with useful insight on human psychology and what unique opportunities a marriage has to offer on becoming a better person. Then it gets very weird in the practical chapters on the ceremony etc. If it would have been delivered with more humour and recognition that no person would ACTUALLY do all of the stuff in this book it might be good. However, now it completely fails to convince someone to hold a ceremony as described in this book.
June 17, 2023
The book opens with some beautiful writing on love, marriage, and what it means in realistic terms. The following chapters architect a wedding ceremony that sounds hokey at best, and like the mark of a slow disappointing journey to death at worst. I am still wondering what happened.
May 10, 2023
A view against romanticism. I believe this should not be read as a practical guidebook, but as a theoretical framework for a more realistic view on marriage, relationships, and the self.
February 9, 2022
This is an amazing book for those planning to get married.
We are raised on the Romantic view of love, filling us with a dreamy idea of what marriage will be like. This helps burst that bubble.
Those that have read it and hate it are not enjoying their parade being rained on. Reality isn鈥檛 always fun. I suggest only those who are truly ready to get a new, realistic of marriage read this.
This book acknowledges each partner鈥檚 brokenness, that this is no 鈥渞ight鈥� person, and talks of what it will take to make a marriage flourish.
This comes with beautiful vows of being steadfast in loyalty, humility, charity, and commitment to re-enchantment.
Uniquely, it also comforts that your future struggles in marriage will not be unique. You won鈥檛 be alone in those future difficulties.
This is an amazing tool with ideas for before, during, and after the ceremony that you can incorporate into your own plans. I, myself, plan to take a good many ideas with me.
We are raised on the Romantic view of love, filling us with a dreamy idea of what marriage will be like. This helps burst that bubble.
Those that have read it and hate it are not enjoying their parade being rained on. Reality isn鈥檛 always fun. I suggest only those who are truly ready to get a new, realistic of marriage read this.
This book acknowledges each partner鈥檚 brokenness, that this is no 鈥渞ight鈥� person, and talks of what it will take to make a marriage flourish.
This comes with beautiful vows of being steadfast in loyalty, humility, charity, and commitment to re-enchantment.
Uniquely, it also comforts that your future struggles in marriage will not be unique. You won鈥檛 be alone in those future difficulties.
This is an amazing tool with ideas for before, during, and after the ceremony that you can incorporate into your own plans. I, myself, plan to take a good many ideas with me.
Read
March 16, 2024Well, that was interesting. This book seemed to consist of four parts, each with a different goal and tone of voice:
1. A cynical, almost pessimist, secular view of marriage
2. A very healthy view of long-term relationships and how you can incorporate this view when preparing to get married
3. An alternative secular marriage ceremony that Very Seriously emphasizes the challenges of marriages and flaws and imperfections of humans in general. This bit reads like satire and judging from the GoodReads reviews, confuses people to no end. Also contains suggestions for additional wedding night vows and how to celebrate the wedding party.
4. A short peptalk for people currently experiencing a marital crisis.
I thought the book was well-written (highly condensed prose), and that it contains enough philosophical non-cliche suggestions to be inspiring. It was occassionally hilarious, although I'm still not sure that's what the authors intended.
1. A cynical, almost pessimist, secular view of marriage
2. A very healthy view of long-term relationships and how you can incorporate this view when preparing to get married
3. An alternative secular marriage ceremony that Very Seriously emphasizes the challenges of marriages and flaws and imperfections of humans in general. This bit reads like satire and judging from the GoodReads reviews, confuses people to no end. Also contains suggestions for additional wedding night vows and how to celebrate the wedding party.
4. A short peptalk for people currently experiencing a marital crisis.
I thought the book was well-written (highly condensed prose), and that it contains enough philosophical non-cliche suggestions to be inspiring. It was occassionally hilarious, although I'm still not sure that's what the authors intended.
March 28, 2021
This book was so weird. About halfway in I became convinced this was written and published by a cult, so I had to find out what 鈥淭he School of Life鈥� was all about. It led me down a rabbit hole of detractors criticizing the founder of The School of Life, Alain de Botton. Apparently this charismatic entrepreneur and educator is known to intentionally misrepresent ideologies of philosophers as well as history in general in order to better support his own philosophies, to the point of turning education into propaganda. It was a fun side quest that helped explain the high-handed tone of the author. But rather than being an exploration into the philosophy of marriage or even a practical guide of useful advice, this book is almost a parody of the pessimistic divorc茅e or unhappily-married older gentleman you don鈥檛 want at your wedding, but with more numbered lists.
September 10, 2019
This a good meditation on marriage, why we have a ceremony and a party to mark the occasion. I liked the bits pointing out the noumenal vs phenomenal. As a huge fan of the School of Life publishing and YouTube channel, I read it already being familiar with the practical, sweet, but kinda pessimistic view of love and human nature. If you are looking for a way to have a romantic and personalized event, this is not the book for you. The cover is grey for a reason: its pretty philosophical and is pitched as an antidote to the romanticism of marriage ceremonies. I think the videos are a better delivery device for the important ideas, and a wedding is time for hyperbolic romance. The philosophy bits can be a personal project for the couple, if they're so inclined.
September 3, 2021
Some very insightful parts, some very awkward parts, and decent stuff in between. A worthy read, though one eyebrow might get overly exercised.
April 15, 2023
This book was just a bit weird, if I'm honest. I absolutely agree with the author's general ethic of marriage, and his advice was good advice. However, when the author started to offer suggestions in terms of rituals, liturgies, vows, etc, it was just a bit odd.
I was particularly bewildered that in the wedding ceremony, the author suggested that the couple look at one another and vow in front of everyone, "I will try my best not to have an affair". I mean, what on earth is that? That's just one of many examples where the author said something I thought a bit odd, and lost my confidence in their judgement.
Another example would be where the author suggested placing conversation cards down on the tables at the reception, with questions those around the table can ask one another. The questions included things like, "what are some of the greatest difficulties in your current relationship?" In what world is that an appropriate question to ask someone, especially at a wedding, and especially when the author seemed to think one should be sat with strangers?
A third example; the author did a whole bit about how the reason you invite many guests is not to have them share your special day with you, but in order to intimidate yourself out of having a divorce, because that would be embarrassing. Although there may obviously be some truth in that, the author just wrote about it in such a weird way. The structure of the service the author proposed was very solemn, even miserable. Then the author suggested doing three weird liturgical ritual things during the service, one of which was called the "re-enchantment vow". I can't remember what the other two were called, because I've already discarded the book.
It is a shame, because there was some genuine gold and good advice in this book, especially with regards to the ethics of marriage. Unfortunately, though, it was spoiled by the section in which the author started offering suggestions regarding liturgies and rituals. It was all just a bit too odd.
I was particularly bewildered that in the wedding ceremony, the author suggested that the couple look at one another and vow in front of everyone, "I will try my best not to have an affair". I mean, what on earth is that? That's just one of many examples where the author said something I thought a bit odd, and lost my confidence in their judgement.
Another example would be where the author suggested placing conversation cards down on the tables at the reception, with questions those around the table can ask one another. The questions included things like, "what are some of the greatest difficulties in your current relationship?" In what world is that an appropriate question to ask someone, especially at a wedding, and especially when the author seemed to think one should be sat with strangers?
A third example; the author did a whole bit about how the reason you invite many guests is not to have them share your special day with you, but in order to intimidate yourself out of having a divorce, because that would be embarrassing. Although there may obviously be some truth in that, the author just wrote about it in such a weird way. The structure of the service the author proposed was very solemn, even miserable. Then the author suggested doing three weird liturgical ritual things during the service, one of which was called the "re-enchantment vow". I can't remember what the other two were called, because I've already discarded the book.
It is a shame, because there was some genuine gold and good advice in this book, especially with regards to the ethics of marriage. Unfortunately, though, it was spoiled by the section in which the author started offering suggestions regarding liturgies and rituals. It was all just a bit too odd.
June 24, 2023
I have known about The School of Life from their Youtube channel and I have always found them to be a blend between philosophical, humorous, and extremely applicable to modern life. Hence, when I found this book, I was very excited to purchase and real it.
How I would summarize this would be, "keeping marriage very real." I would say this book is split into a few parts, discussing the philosophy about getting married and the actual event and the ideas discussed could not be more different. The first half is more philosophical and thought provoking while the second half of the book is very solemn and honest about the challenges of marriage. For instance, despite the happiness that society typically places on a marriage, this book talks about how you should be instead expecting many challenges and gives tips on various reminders for how to navigate them. The authors pull no punches and even some of the ceremonial components I found a bit hard to tell if they were serious or not. But overall a great read.
How I would summarize this would be, "keeping marriage very real." I would say this book is split into a few parts, discussing the philosophy about getting married and the actual event and the ideas discussed could not be more different. The first half is more philosophical and thought provoking while the second half of the book is very solemn and honest about the challenges of marriage. For instance, despite the happiness that society typically places on a marriage, this book talks about how you should be instead expecting many challenges and gives tips on various reminders for how to navigate them. The authors pull no punches and even some of the ceremonial components I found a bit hard to tell if they were serious or not. But overall a great read.
February 16, 2025
Whoever wrote this book is extremely unhappy in their marriage.
I think the book does deserve one star because there are some good points. The first third of the book gives off a realist viewpoint of marriage - points like none of us are perfect, we should both teach and be willing to learn from our partner, etc. There are a few good points on how to make a non-religious ceremony feel important and sacred.
Then the book goes off the rails in the ceremony section. Every section makes marriage sound like a death march. The ceremony guidelines are so morose, somber, and just straight up strange! Like another reviewer, I eventually thought the book was a satire I had been tricked into reading. Some suggestions are genuinely so absurd. They suggest that single guests should gift 鈥渧ouchers for couples鈥� therapy, to contribute to the enormous sum that will have to be spent on therapy over the lifetime of any decent marriage.鈥� Like, what??
I hope this author finds some happiness in their life because it is clearly missing.
I think the book does deserve one star because there are some good points. The first third of the book gives off a realist viewpoint of marriage - points like none of us are perfect, we should both teach and be willing to learn from our partner, etc. There are a few good points on how to make a non-religious ceremony feel important and sacred.
Then the book goes off the rails in the ceremony section. Every section makes marriage sound like a death march. The ceremony guidelines are so morose, somber, and just straight up strange! Like another reviewer, I eventually thought the book was a satire I had been tricked into reading. Some suggestions are genuinely so absurd. They suggest that single guests should gift 鈥渧ouchers for couples鈥� therapy, to contribute to the enormous sum that will have to be spent on therapy over the lifetime of any decent marriage.鈥� Like, what??
I hope this author finds some happiness in their life because it is clearly missing.
February 28, 2021
Initially, I thought that the book is an attempt to a paint a realistic version of what a "marriage" is.
Having read this now, I believe it is more about communicating the trickier aspects of marriage that could will be easily overlooked, hard to deal with or have wrong expectations to begin with.
Enjoyed reading it overall but for a realistic view, it is missing out on the more encouraging aspects.
The vow's sections for example, just by itself it paints a rather gloomy picture.
By the end of it, I could appreciate the role of marriage as a social institution and made me rethink my views about grand marriage ceremonies.
Having read this now, I believe it is more about communicating the trickier aspects of marriage that could will be easily overlooked, hard to deal with or have wrong expectations to begin with.
Enjoyed reading it overall but for a realistic view, it is missing out on the more encouraging aspects.
The vow's sections for example, just by itself it paints a rather gloomy picture.
By the end of it, I could appreciate the role of marriage as a social institution and made me rethink my views about grand marriage ceremonies.
October 8, 2020
Top 3 lessons:
1. Why do we marry and not simply cohabit? Because we all are a little bit hard to live with. Marriage is a safety measure for people not to break apart when things get harsher, in order to rip the benefits of a long term relationship.
2. Do you want to really love your partner? Look at them as a child.
3. There are 2 crucial parts in a marriage: learning and teaching. Be humble enough to learn, don't expect your partner to love you as you are. And be patient and persistent in your teaching role.
1. Why do we marry and not simply cohabit? Because we all are a little bit hard to live with. Marriage is a safety measure for people not to break apart when things get harsher, in order to rip the benefits of a long term relationship.
2. Do you want to really love your partner? Look at them as a child.
3. There are 2 crucial parts in a marriage: learning and teaching. Be humble enough to learn, don't expect your partner to love you as you are. And be patient and persistent in your teaching role.
August 11, 2024
An unusually honest book about marriage and human nature and the, when examined, ridiculous concept that there is a perfect person out there, that someone will understand you completely and be the infallible partner that always meets your needs and expectations. Encourages us to take a more human view of ourselves and our relationships and highlights the significance of aspects of the wedding ceremony that set it apart from day to day events. A refreshing perspective. I would have liked some more suggested readings as I have been searching everyone for a wedding reading by Alain DeBotton for my wedding and haven鈥檛 found anything suitable.
March 3, 2025
Read this after getting married so didn鈥檛 have a chance to incorporate the bat-shit wedding ideas such as inviting guests you find scary and getting everyone to repeat depressing mantras about the terror of marriage like a bizarre cult.
The first part is good though!!
Was this written by two people? Is the latter part satire? I appreciate the commitment to the concept but cannot believe there was no acknowledgement that no one wants to have or attend a wedding which is basically being carried out like a funeral.
The first part is good though!!
Was this written by two people? Is the latter part satire? I appreciate the commitment to the concept but cannot believe there was no acknowledgement that no one wants to have or attend a wedding which is basically being carried out like a funeral.
February 17, 2024
I found this book nice until about 70 pages in. Then it turned into an interesting take on how a wedding ceremony should go. A little too morose to have on a day of celebration (and I guess that is where this book was headed). Some things should be kept between the two people getting married I think... not displayed out for everyone to see at the ceremony.
Just my two cents... do not get this as a gift for someone who is getting married...
Just my two cents... do not get this as a gift for someone who is getting married...
March 8, 2024
亘毓丿 廿賳賴丕卅賷 賰鬲丕亘 "賲丕 丕賱夭賵丕噩.. 丿賮丕毓 毓賳 丕賱乇噩賱 賵丕賱賲乇兀丞" 賯乇乇鬲 丕賱亘丿亍 亘賴匕丕 丕賱賰鬲丕亘貙 賱賰賳 卮鬲賾丕賳 亘賷賳 丕賱胤乇丨賷賳.
丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賴匕丕 賮賷 兀賵賱 氐賮丨丕鬲賴 兀毓賱賳 丨乇亘賴 毓賱賶 丕賱兀丿賷丕賳 - 賱丕 兀丿乇賷 賲丕 丕賱爻亘亘 - 賵睾丕氐 賮賷 毓丿賲賷丞 丨丿丕孬賷丞 鬲夭乇賷 亘丕賱夭賵丕噩 賵丌賱賷丕鬲賴貙 孬賲 賲丕 賱亘孬 賮賷 胤賷賾丕鬲 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 兀賳 丕禺鬲乇毓 丿賷賳丕賸 胤賯賵爻賷丕賸 噩丿賷丿丕賸.
丕賱廿賷噩丕亘賷丞 丕賱賵丨賷丿丞 賮賷 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賴賵 鬲毓乇賷噩賴 毓賱賶 亘毓囟 丕賱賲毓丕賳賷 丕賱賲賴賲丞 賮賷 丕賱夭賵丕噩 毓賲賵賲丕賸 賵丕賱賯丕卅賲丞 毓賱賶 丕賱丕毓鬲乇丕賮 亘丕賱賳賯氐 賵丕賱鬲賯氐賷乇 賵毓丿賲 丕賱賰賲丕賱 亘賷賳 丕賱夭賵噩賷賳 賵丕毓鬲亘丕乇 兀賳 賴匕賴 丕賱兀卮賷丕亍 賲賳 氐購賱亘 丕賱丨賷丕丞.
丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賴匕丕 賮賷 兀賵賱 氐賮丨丕鬲賴 兀毓賱賳 丨乇亘賴 毓賱賶 丕賱兀丿賷丕賳 - 賱丕 兀丿乇賷 賲丕 丕賱爻亘亘 - 賵睾丕氐 賮賷 毓丿賲賷丞 丨丿丕孬賷丞 鬲夭乇賷 亘丕賱夭賵丕噩 賵丌賱賷丕鬲賴貙 孬賲 賲丕 賱亘孬 賮賷 胤賷賾丕鬲 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 兀賳 丕禺鬲乇毓 丿賷賳丕賸 胤賯賵爻賷丕賸 噩丿賷丿丕賸.
丕賱廿賷噩丕亘賷丞 丕賱賵丨賷丿丞 賮賷 丕賱賰鬲丕亘 賴賵 鬲毓乇賷噩賴 毓賱賶 亘毓囟 丕賱賲毓丕賳賷 丕賱賲賴賲丞 賮賷 丕賱夭賵丕噩 毓賲賵賲丕賸 賵丕賱賯丕卅賲丞 毓賱賶 丕賱丕毓鬲乇丕賮 亘丕賱賳賯氐 賵丕賱鬲賯氐賷乇 賵毓丿賲 丕賱賰賲丕賱 亘賷賳 丕賱夭賵噩賷賳 賵丕毓鬲亘丕乇 兀賳 賴匕賴 丕賱兀卮賷丕亍 賲賳 氐購賱亘 丕賱丨賷丕丞.
May 3, 2021
The first half of the book is excellent, I was about to tell all my friends that everyone should read this book. But then the bizarre ceremony suggestion starts and just keeps getting crazier and crazier, I kept expecting it to say 鈥渙h, just kidding, but how did that make you feel?鈥�. It didn鈥檛. So 5 stars for the first half of the book, 1 for the rest.
July 29, 2023
Read this with my boo in the planning of our wedding, and we both found it helpfully thought-provoking, especially for those of us in the western non-religious tradition who still want to mark the meaningful transition into marriage.
July 30, 2019
We need to stop wanting to be loved and be ready to love.. I really enjoyed the reality emphasised in the book. Aren鈥檛 we all fed up with romanticism ? This was very useful... brilliant as usual
October 4, 2021
Good book. Good reminders of ideas shared amongst his other books.
October 17, 2021
Good ideas, definitely food for thought. But takes (sometimes too much of) a very serious approach, in my opinion.
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