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400 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2022
"I'm going to wait," he said. "For when this fighting is over, and we're happy again. We'll go to French restaurants like we used to. We'll fall back in love. So deeply in love that it burns us to be apart. Then, one day—maybe we'll be having breakfast, maybe we'll be watching a movie. Something normal. But you'll look over to me to make a joke, ask a question, and I'll be gone. Then you'll look for Callie, and she'll be gone too. I'm going to leave you when you least expect it, and I'm taking her with me," He looms over me and plants a kiss on my forehead, light as a dry leaf. "I'm smarter than you," he said. "I've got endurance. I can wait long enough to make it really hurt." He picked up his glass of water from beside the night table and hurled it at the wall. The sound was like the world opening. Glass flew like diamonds. Irving smiled at me. Then he got into bed and a moment later he was asleep.
“‘One of our children just tried to kill the other,� I say. The reality of it sends cold fingers down my spine. ‘Mothers pass things down, don’t they?� Irving’s voice is soft. ‘The secrets I keep for you, Rob.’�Their family life doesn’t feel normal, never mind the disturbing childhood Rob experienced with her sister Jack. The story takes us into both worlds and timelines, which Rob and Callie cleverly narrate. Trying to resolve violent suspicions regarding Callie, Rob takes her to her childhood home in the Mojave Desert, to a complex called Sundial.
When people say something is "unthinkable," what they usually mean is that they don't want to think it. They are resistant to an idea. But that is not what unthinkable means. I know that, now. It means to be confronted with a thought so vast, dark and monstrous that it will not fit into any known shapes in your mind. It is poison and madness flowering behind your eyes.
It's possible to feel the horror of something and to accept it all at the same time. How else could we cope with being alive?
I buried my old self at Sundial. We need to leave parts of Callie here, too.
I'm finally getting ready for bed when Irving yells my name. There is something sticky in his voice.
My insides curl up like baby mice
Irving reached out and pinched the bridge of my nose so hard I heard the cartilage squeak.