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Gil's All Fright Diner
Bloodier than Fried Green Tomatoes!
Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer. . . .
Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around--until Loretta, the eatery'sowner, offers them one hundred dollars to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley.
But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the diner, and more than willing to raise a little hell on earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig Latin.
And maybe--just maybe--the End of the World, too.
Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funny bone--before ripping it out of its socket!
Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer. . . .
Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around--until Loretta, the eatery'sowner, offers them one hundred dollars to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley.
But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the diner, and more than willing to raise a little hell on earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig Latin.
And maybe--just maybe--the End of the World, too.
Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funny bone--before ripping it out of its socket!
287 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published May 1, 2005
156 people are currently reading
10.1k people want to read
About the author
A. Lee Martinez
30books2,083followersA. Lee Martinez was born in El Paso, Texas. At the age of eighteen, for no apparent reason, he started writing novels. Thirteen short years (and a little over a dozen manuscripts) later, his first novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, was published. His hobbies include juggling, games of all sorts, and astral projecting. Also, he likes to sing along with the radio when he's in the car by himself.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,191 reviews
September 18, 2017
Oh my Lord! I needed this laugh today!
We have Duke who is a werewolf and ole Earl who is a vampire. They end up stopping at Gil's Diner because Duke is hungry. They meet Loretta who owns the place for reasons and she offers them a job when they help kill off some zombies. 😂
I loved the pictures in my head of the old diner in the backwoods next to a cemetery in a small town. We have ALL kinds of supernatural creatures! What fun 😄
I loved the ending! Omg! It was perfect 😊 I want to read more of this author's books! I want to read more about Earl and Duke and the little extras added to their family when they left town! I don't think there are any more books with them though. I need to check for sure.
Mel ❤️
We have Duke who is a werewolf and ole Earl who is a vampire. They end up stopping at Gil's Diner because Duke is hungry. They meet Loretta who owns the place for reasons and she offers them a job when they help kill off some zombies. 😂
I loved the pictures in my head of the old diner in the backwoods next to a cemetery in a small town. We have ALL kinds of supernatural creatures! What fun 😄
I loved the ending! Omg! It was perfect 😊 I want to read more of this author's books! I want to read more about Earl and Duke and the little extras added to their family when they left town! I don't think there are any more books with them though. I need to check for sure.
Mel ❤️
June 19, 2019
”Loretta outweighed him by at least a hundred pounds. Nonetheless, Sheriff Kopp held his ground with the courage of a man who had seen sheep explode spontaneously and lived to clean himself up later.�
Any apocalypse is about living to tell about it, right? The interesting thing about this small community is that spontaneously exploding sheep aren’t the strangest things that happen.
When Duke and Earl saw the glowing sign of Gil’s AllNight Fright Diner appear, they had no idea they were about to stumble into a vortex of hell. They couldn’t have been more in the middle of dark nowhere if they had just driven up the ass end of a giant troll. All Duke wanted was a big greasy meal, but what he got was a full order of zombies with a side order of a horny, lascivious waitress. ”She wore a T-shirt and jean cutoffs that hugged her jiggling behind, but only barely. Cellulite rolled down her legs in flapping waves with each step. A soiled apron stretched across her immense breasts. Her hair, a frazzled bleached-blonde mess, slung to the left of her face and past her shoulders. She smiled, revealing teeth the size and color of corn kernels.�
Duke didn’t know which was more dangerous...the zombies or Loretta.
Now Gil, the owner of the diner, just disappeared. Loretta had taken it upon herself to keep the diner open, despite the infestation of zombies. She had killed well over a hundred already and figured sooner or later the graveyard down the road was going to run out of bodies. Duke was particularly adept at tearing apart zombies. It brought out the wolf in him, or should I say the werewolf in him.
What?
Oh, yeah, Duke had himself an encounter with a lycanthrope, which left him with a predisposition for back hair and the strength of ten men. Rotting corpses were just giant toothpicks. Now, his buddy Earl had a different problem. I’ll give you a couple of hints. He liked to drink blood, and a sunburn was deadly to him.
For $100 and all the beer they could drink, Loretta just hired herself some supernatural help for her supernatural problem.
The problem all originated with a bored seventeen year old named Tammy, who decided the vortex to hell swirling beneath Gil’s Diner was just too interesting to leave alone. She had a Magic 8 ball which was a little different than the one I used to have. Mine didn’t have a trapped, malevolent spirit inside who just happened to be addicted to the show Bonanza. Little Miss Tammy was of Japanese descent, exotic in this small town, and pert and curvy in all the right places. She was fully aware of the impact she had on the opposite sex and what better way to recruit male minions to your dark, magic ways than to dangle the black triangle.
To add a bit more stir fry to this sizzling skillet, there was also a pretty, very needy, spirit who proved a distraction for Earl, along with her ghostly Scottish Terrier who played hell with the musty, dusty ankles of zombies. Will all these supernormal phantasmic creatures prove to be an equal match for one pissed off, power hungry, diabolical teenager?
You’ll just have to read it to find out.
I had intended to read this for Halloween, but the best laid plans of ghouls and goblins foiled my time schedule. I also really enjoyed another book by A. Lee Martinez called The Automatic Detective.
If you wish to see more of my most recent book and movie reviews, visit
I also have a Facebook blogger page at:
Any apocalypse is about living to tell about it, right? The interesting thing about this small community is that spontaneously exploding sheep aren’t the strangest things that happen.
When Duke and Earl saw the glowing sign of Gil’s All
Duke didn’t know which was more dangerous...the zombies or Loretta.
Now Gil, the owner of the diner, just disappeared. Loretta had taken it upon herself to keep the diner open, despite the infestation of zombies. She had killed well over a hundred already and figured sooner or later the graveyard down the road was going to run out of bodies. Duke was particularly adept at tearing apart zombies. It brought out the wolf in him, or should I say the werewolf in him.
What?
Oh, yeah, Duke had himself an encounter with a lycanthrope, which left him with a predisposition for back hair and the strength of ten men. Rotting corpses were just giant toothpicks. Now, his buddy Earl had a different problem. I’ll give you a couple of hints. He liked to drink blood, and a sunburn was deadly to him.
For $100 and all the beer they could drink, Loretta just hired herself some supernatural help for her supernatural problem.
The problem all originated with a bored seventeen year old named Tammy, who decided the vortex to hell swirling beneath Gil’s Diner was just too interesting to leave alone. She had a Magic 8 ball which was a little different than the one I used to have. Mine didn’t have a trapped, malevolent spirit inside who just happened to be addicted to the show Bonanza. Little Miss Tammy was of Japanese descent, exotic in this small town, and pert and curvy in all the right places. She was fully aware of the impact she had on the opposite sex and what better way to recruit male minions to your dark, magic ways than to dangle the black triangle.
To add a bit more stir fry to this sizzling skillet, there was also a pretty, very needy, spirit who proved a distraction for Earl, along with her ghostly Scottish Terrier who played hell with the musty, dusty ankles of zombies. Will all these supernormal phantasmic creatures prove to be an equal match for one pissed off, power hungry, diabolical teenager?
You’ll just have to read it to find out.
I had intended to read this for Halloween, but the best laid plans of ghouls and goblins foiled my time schedule. I also really enjoyed another book by A. Lee Martinez called The Automatic Detective.
If you wish to see more of my most recent book and movie reviews, visit
I also have a Facebook blogger page at:
October 28, 2018
Fast, fun read. Solid four stars for cleverness and silliness--the book blurb was right, this was silly in the style of Hitchhiker's Guide, and that's a high compliment indeed.
It starts off like a buddy movie of the anti-hero variety, with Earl the vampire and Duke the werewolf driving around drinking beer in a beat-up pickup whose cab holds exactly 76 empties. They stop at an all-night diner run by Loretta, but little does anyone know, the diner is under assault by the most fearsome of opponents--Tammy, a teenage girl who prefers to be called "Mistress Lilith" by her sole acolyte. Earl and Duke stick around to help rid Loretta of some pesky zombies, and soon find themselves drawn deeper into defending the diner (and our dimension).
There were some definite laugh-out-loud bits, particularly a section involving zombie cows--really, even the phrase "zombie cows" starts me giggling. There's a sweet section that deals with Cathy the graveyard ghost and Earl. Napoleon the ghostly terrier adds a fun kick. The evil is both scary and hilarious: "The corpses shuffled (or hopped) to collect their weapons of knives, salad forks and camping stakes." Of course, the evil of Mistress Lilith is highlighted by her diabolical use of pig Latin and a Magic 8 ball--what more can you say about evil?
Glad it's in my library, because I'm sure to re-read it when in the mood for some fun and fluff.
Cross posted at my blog:
Re-read September 17 bc I needed something silly and brainless between my other reads.
It starts off like a buddy movie of the anti-hero variety, with Earl the vampire and Duke the werewolf driving around drinking beer in a beat-up pickup whose cab holds exactly 76 empties. They stop at an all-night diner run by Loretta, but little does anyone know, the diner is under assault by the most fearsome of opponents--Tammy, a teenage girl who prefers to be called "Mistress Lilith" by her sole acolyte. Earl and Duke stick around to help rid Loretta of some pesky zombies, and soon find themselves drawn deeper into defending the diner (and our dimension).
There were some definite laugh-out-loud bits, particularly a section involving zombie cows--really, even the phrase "zombie cows" starts me giggling. There's a sweet section that deals with Cathy the graveyard ghost and Earl. Napoleon the ghostly terrier adds a fun kick. The evil is both scary and hilarious: "The corpses shuffled (or hopped) to collect their weapons of knives, salad forks and camping stakes." Of course, the evil of Mistress Lilith is highlighted by her diabolical use of pig Latin and a Magic 8 ball--what more can you say about evil?
Glad it's in my library, because I'm sure to re-read it when in the mood for some fun and fluff.
Cross posted at my blog:
Re-read September 17 bc I needed something silly and brainless between my other reads.
January 20, 2019
So far this book started with two thick-accented Southerners, Earl (The Earl of Vampires) who is a neurotic and bitchy dude, while Duke (The Duke of Vampires) is laid back.
If it weren't for that amazing, kick-ass ending everything that came together like a knitted hat, this would have been a three stars.
Review to come soon!
If it weren't for that amazing, kick-ass ending everything that came together like a knitted hat, this would have been a three stars.
Review to come soon!
April 19, 2017
Gil’s All Fright Diner, first published in 2005 (and was Martinez� debut publication) is a fun, no strings attached, steaming hot cup of have-at-you! urban fantasy.
Earl and Duke, vampire and werewolf respectively, arrive in Rockwood, a town in the middle of nowhere that has had more than its share of occult goings on � most of which seem to surround the vicinity of the all night diner.
Along the way, Martinez introduces us to zombies, ghosts, ghouls, a teenage sorceress and references to the “Old Gods�. It was this allusion to Lovecraft (along with a snazzy new interpretation of the Necronomicon) that I found most endearing.
There are many smiles while reading this, a couple of chuckles and maybe one or two actual laugh out loud scenes, and all due to the talent of Martinez. Fans of Christopher Moore’s work will probably enjoy his books, as I have, being a fan of both.
Also, Martinez shares a distinction with author Neal Stephenson as having one of the best character names in fiction. Hiro Protagonist was the character from Stephenson’s book and Martinez describes the exploits of Sheriff Marshall Kopp.
Earl and Duke, vampire and werewolf respectively, arrive in Rockwood, a town in the middle of nowhere that has had more than its share of occult goings on � most of which seem to surround the vicinity of the all night diner.
Along the way, Martinez introduces us to zombies, ghosts, ghouls, a teenage sorceress and references to the “Old Gods�. It was this allusion to Lovecraft (along with a snazzy new interpretation of the Necronomicon) that I found most endearing.
There are many smiles while reading this, a couple of chuckles and maybe one or two actual laugh out loud scenes, and all due to the talent of Martinez. Fans of Christopher Moore’s work will probably enjoy his books, as I have, being a fan of both.
Also, Martinez shares a distinction with author Neal Stephenson as having one of the best character names in fiction. Hiro Protagonist was the character from Stephenson’s book and Martinez describes the exploits of Sheriff Marshall Kopp.
August 19, 2021
Gil's All Fright Diner
by A. Lee Martinez
I had to re-read this! It had been years and I ran across it and it just felt right to read it again! It just love Earle and Duke, the crazy vampire and werewolf duo. They stop at a diner on their way to nowhere and find trouble. They stay to help out. Ghouls, zombies, and dark magic are some of the things they have to fight! Even zombie cows! Lol!
The plot, characters, dialogue, world building are all hilarious and terrific! One of my favorite books for it's dark humor and overall silliness!
by A. Lee Martinez
I had to re-read this! It had been years and I ran across it and it just felt right to read it again! It just love Earle and Duke, the crazy vampire and werewolf duo. They stop at a diner on their way to nowhere and find trouble. They stay to help out. Ghouls, zombies, and dark magic are some of the things they have to fight! Even zombie cows! Lol!
The plot, characters, dialogue, world building are all hilarious and terrific! One of my favorite books for it's dark humor and overall silliness!
July 20, 2022
Very cute!
December 30, 2015
Loved Loved Loved this book!
I am a big fan of campy fun novels. Books that make the unbelievable seem like, yeah.. ohkay... that could happen.
Meet two unlikely best friends: Earl (a vampire) and Duke (a werewolf). Throw in an all nite diner run by a very large, very spunky Lorreta. Sprinkle in a teenage wanna-be mistress of the old gods, a few ghosts, and a ton of zombies/ghouls and slimy, tentacled, oozing things, and you have yourself one helluva kick ass novel!
This was one of those books i just couldnt put down! Finished it in just under one day.
Thumbs up for Martinez. And count on me grabbing a few more from him on my next trip to the bookstore.
I am a big fan of campy fun novels. Books that make the unbelievable seem like, yeah.. ohkay... that could happen.
Meet two unlikely best friends: Earl (a vampire) and Duke (a werewolf). Throw in an all nite diner run by a very large, very spunky Lorreta. Sprinkle in a teenage wanna-be mistress of the old gods, a few ghosts, and a ton of zombies/ghouls and slimy, tentacled, oozing things, and you have yourself one helluva kick ass novel!
This was one of those books i just couldnt put down! Finished it in just under one day.
Thumbs up for Martinez. And count on me grabbing a few more from him on my next trip to the bookstore.
December 31, 2009
I really liked this book. Very fluffy, but a nice tone and funny. Makes fun of the vampire/werewolf genre that has become ridiculous lately with the swoony man-chests. Would recommend to people who like Christopher Moore and other tongue in cheek fantasy adventures.
November 3, 2023
[7/10]
“Shurma’laka’rala’kama, Lord of Dreams, Master of Souls, I invoke thee.�
So, yeah, I wanted to pick up up something scary for my Halloween themed read, and mr. Martinez delivered the goods, as usual. It may not be highbrow humour or deep existential investigation, but it is a lively piece with fast action and lots of tongue-in-cheek quips. It goes something like this:
A werewolf, a vampire and a ghost walk into a bar ...
Only, it’s not a bar, it’s a diner in the middle of Nowhere, which can be found somewhere in the Midwest called Rockwood County. The patron of Gil’s All Night Diner , a well-rounded lady called Loretta, has a bit of a zombie infestation, so she offers Duke and Earl food and lodging in exchange for a little help with the undead.
Not a big problem for a couple of supernatural boys like our werewolf and vampire, but this is only the first chapter in the story. [The ghost will come in later, she's a tad cursed right now]
Unfettered by the laws of normality, the unnatural ran rampant in Rockwood County. It made it hard to pin down any particular pattern.
From a one-night-stand to a paranormal investigation is only a small step for Duke and Earl [are their names borrowed from the ‘Dukes of Hazard�, by the way?] but that step takes them right into the middle of a plot to use ‘Gil’s All Night Diner� as the fulcrum to open a gate for the Old Gods to come through and usher in the End of Times for the world as we know it. Who could be responsible for this onslaught of horror? Surely not the laid-back Duke or the angsty Earl.
They were mostly like regular folks. Just trying to live their lives. As long as they were left alone they were perfectly harmless except for the occasional bite on the neck. Humans were the real terrors, always getting worked up and looking to kill something.
Apparently, it is somebody who goes by the name Mistress Lilith, Queen of Night, who by day uses the more prosaic name of Tammy. This seventeen years old jailbait witch and her jockstrap thrall named Chad are playing with occult forces way beyond imagination, but they still have time to bicker and fight with each other like many other horny teenagers.
The plot is rather predictable, but it is saved by the author’s flair for the comedic timing and for the one-line zingers. The way the threat level escalates from shuffling zombies to mean and fast ghouls, from undead cows and a cellar filled with tentacles to finally some unspeakable horrors right out of the Lovecraftian playbook keeps the reader turning pages at a lively pace and makes it easier to accept the lack of depth and sophistication in the story. It also helps that Martinez has a lean prose that doesn’t beat around the bush with superfluous introspection or philosophical speculation, preferring to jump right into the hot action.
Reality is like a fruitcake: Pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface. Ancient things, older than time itself, smothered beneath the crushing interdimensional weight of what mortals, in their limited understanding, would call existence.
We might not get the box of chocolates simile, but the cherry on the top of the fruitcake is a romantic subplot with a local ghost named Cathy. There’s even a spunky dog sidekick named Napoleon, also a ghost.
“Y’know, Earl. You can make a girl almost glad she’s dead.�
I may not have picked the most scary or the most literate novel for this year’s spook read, but at least I had a fun evening with Duke and Earl.
“Shurma’laka’rala’kama, Lord of Dreams, Master of Souls, I invoke thee.�
So, yeah, I wanted to pick up up something scary for my Halloween themed read, and mr. Martinez delivered the goods, as usual. It may not be highbrow humour or deep existential investigation, but it is a lively piece with fast action and lots of tongue-in-cheek quips. It goes something like this:
A werewolf, a vampire and a ghost walk into a bar ...
Only, it’s not a bar, it’s a diner in the middle of Nowhere, which can be found somewhere in the Midwest called Rockwood County. The patron of Gil’s All Night Diner , a well-rounded lady called Loretta, has a bit of a zombie infestation, so she offers Duke and Earl food and lodging in exchange for a little help with the undead.
Not a big problem for a couple of supernatural boys like our werewolf and vampire, but this is only the first chapter in the story. [The ghost will come in later, she's a tad cursed right now]
Unfettered by the laws of normality, the unnatural ran rampant in Rockwood County. It made it hard to pin down any particular pattern.
From a one-night-stand to a paranormal investigation is only a small step for Duke and Earl [are their names borrowed from the ‘Dukes of Hazard�, by the way?] but that step takes them right into the middle of a plot to use ‘Gil’s All Night Diner� as the fulcrum to open a gate for the Old Gods to come through and usher in the End of Times for the world as we know it. Who could be responsible for this onslaught of horror? Surely not the laid-back Duke or the angsty Earl.
They were mostly like regular folks. Just trying to live their lives. As long as they were left alone they were perfectly harmless except for the occasional bite on the neck. Humans were the real terrors, always getting worked up and looking to kill something.
Apparently, it is somebody who goes by the name Mistress Lilith, Queen of Night, who by day uses the more prosaic name of Tammy. This seventeen years old jailbait witch and her jockstrap thrall named Chad are playing with occult forces way beyond imagination, but they still have time to bicker and fight with each other like many other horny teenagers.
The plot is rather predictable, but it is saved by the author’s flair for the comedic timing and for the one-line zingers. The way the threat level escalates from shuffling zombies to mean and fast ghouls, from undead cows and a cellar filled with tentacles to finally some unspeakable horrors right out of the Lovecraftian playbook keeps the reader turning pages at a lively pace and makes it easier to accept the lack of depth and sophistication in the story. It also helps that Martinez has a lean prose that doesn’t beat around the bush with superfluous introspection or philosophical speculation, preferring to jump right into the hot action.
Reality is like a fruitcake: Pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface. Ancient things, older than time itself, smothered beneath the crushing interdimensional weight of what mortals, in their limited understanding, would call existence.
We might not get the box of chocolates simile, but the cherry on the top of the fruitcake is a romantic subplot with a local ghost named Cathy. There’s even a spunky dog sidekick named Napoleon, also a ghost.
“Y’know, Earl. You can make a girl almost glad she’s dead.�
I may not have picked the most scary or the most literate novel for this year’s spook read, but at least I had a fun evening with Duke and Earl.
January 23, 2009
A light, fun, though ultimately rather sophomoric read. The gratuitous cursing didn't bother me, but the author's treatment of female characters did-- out of the three main women in the book, one is a creepily oversexualized, underage evil-nymphet stereotype, and another is a waitress who, though a very sympathetic character, is overweight and therefore treated as disgusting and undesirable. (Interestingly, one of the main male characters is also passingly described as very large, yet somehow the author doesn't feel the need to endlessly wax poetic on his jiggling girth whenever he appears.)
The romance between Cathy and Earl was very sweet, though, and the action scenes were especially well-done, and... I can't bring myself to dislike anything that features both Lovecraftian abominations that live under the fridge and zombie cows. I'd read more of Martinez's stuff, but I really hope the next book is less obnoxiously sexist.
The romance between Cathy and Earl was very sweet, though, and the action scenes were especially well-done, and... I can't bring myself to dislike anything that features both Lovecraftian abominations that live under the fridge and zombie cows. I'd read more of Martinez's stuff, but I really hope the next book is less obnoxiously sexist.
October 30, 2019
“Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.�
Gil's All Fright Diner is a book I picked up on a whim. It was purely a cover buy! I mean, besides the fact that the creature on the cover looks like the one-eyed alien that lives in a purse from My Stepmother Is an Alien (a movie I grew up on and will always have a soft spot for), the book felt so good in my hands. Like a big floppy.. but small and in paperback format! Then there is the synopsis, which sounded like so much fun! Seriously, whoever wrote it did a fucking radical job ::chefs kiss::
My initial reaction was that this would be something similar to Monster Squad, which is a nostalgic favorite of mine. WOLFMAN'S GOT NARDS!!
Admittedly, I found the blurb to be more exciting than the actual story. I had a lot of issues with this, unfortunately.
“He’d discovered that most of the terrors that stalked the night weren’t really terrors at all. They were mostly like regular folks, just trying to live their lives. As long as they were left alone they were perfectly harmless except for the occasional bite on the neck. Humans were the real terrors, always getting worked up and looking to kill something.�
Earl (of Vampires) and Duke (of Werewolves) are friends that first met when Duke began eating Earl's guts. As one does. The two driftfrom town to town in their shitty pickup truck. One day, while looking for some grub in the middle of nowhere, they stumble across Gil's All Night Diner.There they meet Loretta, the owner/operator/waitress. She is in quite the bind because Gil recently disappeared and now the diner is being overrun by zombies, scaring off the customers. Loretta hires Earl and Duke to help her out a bit around the diner and mainly, to get rid of the zombies.
Gil's All Fright Diner is pretty much a fluffy B movie with some janky pacing. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some B films! But you can still befunny without being an offensive dick.
This is incredibly fat-phobic, preoccupied with describing Loretta negatively. The fat shaming is inherent and lame as fuck. Martinez goes out of his way to make constant jokes at her expense regarding her weight, describing how unattractive she is because of her size, insinuating that no one would want her because she is too large to have sex. Which is ridiculous. There are two more female characters, who are also quite problematic because they are underage. Tammy (Mistress Lilith, Queen of the Night) is a 17-year-old that enjoys the.. er.. dark arts. Basically, she wants to bring about the apocalypse. In contrast to Loretta, she is described as a bombshell. Attractive, curvy and of course, young. She uses sex to get what she wants. Because she is so hot. HOT HOT HOT! Seriously. You can't forget how hot she is, because it's referenced ALL THE DAMN TIME. Her loyal follower is Chad, her older douchey boyfriend who doesn't give a shit about anything except fucking. On the other hand, there is Cathy. She is a sweet ghost who guards the local graveyard with her ghostly Scottish terrier, Napoleon. I adored these two characters! However, Cathy is also a teenager. Okay, not the end of the world. Except yet again, this teenager is linked with a much older love interest. And referred to as attractive. Meaning out of the three women, two are attractive teenagers with older men and the other is treated cruelly because of her weight.
It boggles the mind when a book can have a wide variety of supernatural beings (including zombie cows) yet lack SO MUCH diversity in the characters. The negative portrayal of Loretta and the overall lack of inclusivity is disappointing.
SIGH.
Gil's All Fright Diner is a book I picked up on a whim. It was purely a cover buy! I mean, besides the fact that the creature on the cover looks like the one-eyed alien that lives in a purse from My Stepmother Is an Alien (a movie I grew up on and will always have a soft spot for), the book felt so good in my hands. Like a big floppy.. but small and in paperback format! Then there is the synopsis, which sounded like so much fun! Seriously, whoever wrote it did a fucking radical job ::chefs kiss::
My initial reaction was that this would be something similar to Monster Squad, which is a nostalgic favorite of mine. WOLFMAN'S GOT NARDS!!
Admittedly, I found the blurb to be more exciting than the actual story. I had a lot of issues with this, unfortunately.
“He’d discovered that most of the terrors that stalked the night weren’t really terrors at all. They were mostly like regular folks, just trying to live their lives. As long as they were left alone they were perfectly harmless except for the occasional bite on the neck. Humans were the real terrors, always getting worked up and looking to kill something.�
Earl (of Vampires) and Duke (of Werewolves) are friends that first met when Duke began eating Earl's guts. As one does. The two driftfrom town to town in their shitty pickup truck. One day, while looking for some grub in the middle of nowhere, they stumble across Gil's All Night Diner.There they meet Loretta, the owner/operator/waitress. She is in quite the bind because Gil recently disappeared and now the diner is being overrun by zombies, scaring off the customers. Loretta hires Earl and Duke to help her out a bit around the diner and mainly, to get rid of the zombies.
Gil's All Fright Diner is pretty much a fluffy B movie with some janky pacing. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some B films! But you can still befunny without being an offensive dick.
This is incredibly fat-phobic, preoccupied with describing Loretta negatively. The fat shaming is inherent and lame as fuck. Martinez goes out of his way to make constant jokes at her expense regarding her weight, describing how unattractive she is because of her size, insinuating that no one would want her because she is too large to have sex. Which is ridiculous. There are two more female characters, who are also quite problematic because they are underage. Tammy (Mistress Lilith, Queen of the Night) is a 17-year-old that enjoys the.. er.. dark arts. Basically, she wants to bring about the apocalypse. In contrast to Loretta, she is described as a bombshell. Attractive, curvy and of course, young. She uses sex to get what she wants. Because she is so hot. HOT HOT HOT! Seriously. You can't forget how hot she is, because it's referenced ALL THE DAMN TIME. Her loyal follower is Chad, her older douchey boyfriend who doesn't give a shit about anything except fucking. On the other hand, there is Cathy. She is a sweet ghost who guards the local graveyard with her ghostly Scottish terrier, Napoleon. I adored these two characters! However, Cathy is also a teenager. Okay, not the end of the world. Except yet again, this teenager is linked with a much older love interest. And referred to as attractive. Meaning out of the three women, two are attractive teenagers with older men and the other is treated cruelly because of her weight.
It boggles the mind when a book can have a wide variety of supernatural beings (including zombie cows) yet lack SO MUCH diversity in the characters. The negative portrayal of Loretta and the overall lack of inclusivity is disappointing.
SIGH.
January 9, 2009
I'll be the first to admit that there's been a glut of books like this on my reading list lately. Humorous takes on horror archetypes seem to be all the rage right now, which is more than fine by me. They're quick, light and entertaining- just the break I need in between the other books that howl at me from the shelf, trying to guilt me into reading them next.
Gil's is a buddy adventure starring Earl the Vampire (think Dwight Yoakam with fangs) and Duke the Werewolf (think Jesse Ventura with fur) who spend the years prowling the backroads of America in a beat-up truck with Earl's home/steamer trunk strapped in the bed. One night their wanderings lead them to an all night diner (fortunate when you travel with the undead) located far from any major highway and directly next door to a cemetery where the dead just won't stay dead. The diner's proprietress, a lovingly obese woman named Loretta, cajoles the duo into sticking around to assist with the zombie problem in return for some much-needed gas money (the employment opportunities for vampires and werewolves being few and far between).
What follows is a hilarious romp through a small desert town plagued with far more than their fair share of supernatural oddities from zombie cows (I'm not kidding- zombie cows) to mirthful ghouls as a result of a nubile teen's attempts to open a portal through time and space (and a few other dimensions) to call back the long-banished Old Gods of Lovecraftian lore. Helping Tammy, errr... sorry... Mistresss Lilith, is her feeble-minded henchman Chad who is more interested than what lies beneath her blouse than in any of the graves that Tammy has him robbing.
Like I said, it's a quick read. I'd be surprised if it took most longer than a day or two to consume. Yet that day would still count as one well spent as evidenced by my aching ribs once I finally stopped chortling long enough to put the book back on the shelf.
Gil's is a buddy adventure starring Earl the Vampire (think Dwight Yoakam with fangs) and Duke the Werewolf (think Jesse Ventura with fur) who spend the years prowling the backroads of America in a beat-up truck with Earl's home/steamer trunk strapped in the bed. One night their wanderings lead them to an all night diner (fortunate when you travel with the undead) located far from any major highway and directly next door to a cemetery where the dead just won't stay dead. The diner's proprietress, a lovingly obese woman named Loretta, cajoles the duo into sticking around to assist with the zombie problem in return for some much-needed gas money (the employment opportunities for vampires and werewolves being few and far between).
What follows is a hilarious romp through a small desert town plagued with far more than their fair share of supernatural oddities from zombie cows (I'm not kidding- zombie cows) to mirthful ghouls as a result of a nubile teen's attempts to open a portal through time and space (and a few other dimensions) to call back the long-banished Old Gods of Lovecraftian lore. Helping Tammy, errr... sorry... Mistresss Lilith, is her feeble-minded henchman Chad who is more interested than what lies beneath her blouse than in any of the graves that Tammy has him robbing.
Like I said, it's a quick read. I'd be surprised if it took most longer than a day or two to consume. Yet that day would still count as one well spent as evidenced by my aching ribs once I finally stopped chortling long enough to put the book back on the shelf.
July 22, 2008
The first page had most of the 7 famous words, driving while drinking, and the phrase "yellow puddle formed around my groin". I really do not think this is a youth book! The curse words got worse from there, and graphic underage sex was also included. The obese werewolf, describes the fatty woman's butt. as it jiggles--like the last time he disemboweled someone--lovely. Just what we want to teach teens today to think about large people--new insults!
The only reason for a star is the lovely romance between the vampire and the the girl ghost--he does not like ghosts--so is even more sweet.
More cussing, graphic underage sex, killing, poorly excuse for plot line, interesting zombie cows though. This book has a real cool premise a vampire and werewolf are friends--they travel together--they pull into a diner one night and find some trouble----that is why i tried it----i am ripping it up into the recycling bin now.
I had such hope for the series too--too bad.
The only reason for a star is the lovely romance between the vampire and the the girl ghost--he does not like ghosts--so is even more sweet.
More cussing, graphic underage sex, killing, poorly excuse for plot line, interesting zombie cows though. This book has a real cool premise a vampire and werewolf are friends--they travel together--they pull into a diner one night and find some trouble----that is why i tried it----i am ripping it up into the recycling bin now.
I had such hope for the series too--too bad.
March 26, 2012
Melinda raised her head and uttered a low, haunting howl. The rest of the herd joined her in a bloodcurdling moan that seemed to bubble up from the sulfurous pit of Hell itself
"Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo."
Gotta love those zombie cows! Rockwood is sort of a Texas redneck version of Sunnydale with its own answer to the Hellmouth. Vampire Earl and werewolf Duke run out of gas in the God-forsaken county of Rockwood and offers to help Loretta, owner of Gil's All-Night Diner, solve her zombie problem. But the problem becomes so much more than zombies with a teenage sorceress and her hormonally burdened assistant, a lonely graveyard guardian, a ghost terrier, and Lovecraftian Old Ones all complicating the matter. The story is both hokey and stomach-cramping hilarious. It kept me laughing and sometimes a little grossed out but I was thoroughly entertained.
June 21, 2017
3.5
Gil's All Night Diner is a weird place. It's way too big to be in Rockwood. 'Unfettered by the laws of normality, the unnatural ran rampant in Rockwood County.' Its owner, Gil, disappeared a while ago and nobody knows where he is. Today Loretta is the one who is managing the place and she needs all the help she could get. She and her shotgun can't keep up with all the zombies that have been trying to enter the place every night.
Enter Duke and Earl.
Being paranormal creatures themselves (werewolf and vampire), they decide to deal with those pesky zombies and help Loretta. A couple of days in Rockwood couldn't hurt. The universe heard the challenge and answered.
The beginning is great. The interactions between Duke and Earl are hilarious.
Even the Sheriff is a great character. He had his own experiences to add because Rockwood always has something weird going on.
So, what can you expect here? There are zombies, hauntings, ghouls, a manipulative and annoying (for me) teenager, agressive cows, suicidal vampires, lots of gore, likable and not so likable ghosts, successful and unsuccessful seductions and many more. And not in that particular order.
There are a couple of grammatical errors, but as a debut this is a pretty good and entertaining story.
Overall, I liked it and I would recommend it. Just be in the right mood for it and it'll be fine.
My favourite is still .
Gil's All Night Diner is a weird place. It's way too big to be in Rockwood. 'Unfettered by the laws of normality, the unnatural ran rampant in Rockwood County.' Its owner, Gil, disappeared a while ago and nobody knows where he is. Today Loretta is the one who is managing the place and she needs all the help she could get. She and her shotgun can't keep up with all the zombies that have been trying to enter the place every night.
Enter Duke and Earl.
Being paranormal creatures themselves (werewolf and vampire), they decide to deal with those pesky zombies and help Loretta. A couple of days in Rockwood couldn't hurt. The universe heard the challenge and answered.
The beginning is great. The interactions between Duke and Earl are hilarious.
"Now me, I've got goals, and my mind acts upon those goals in an enlightened manner. I've achieved myself a state of clear. Whereas you just act on whatever impulse enters that fool head of yours." "Least I got myself a shadow."...
'Duke kicked Earl's trunk. The lid cracked open an inch. "Dusk already?" "Yep." The trunk slammed shut. "Get your ass up, Earl." Earl's muffled voice moaned, "Just ten more minutes."Of course, Gil's All Fright Diner has its own villain in the form of a seventeen-year-old Tammy, who really wants to get inside the diner.
Even the Sheriff is a great character. He had his own experiences to add because Rockwood always has something weird going on.
"Oh, I've had plenty of experience with this sort of thing. 'Bout seven years back, had an outbreak of vampire turkeys. And four years before that, Charlie Vaughn's daughter got herself possessed. And the Stillmans's scarecrow took to wandering around at night and scaring the bejeezus outta the kids. Point is, Rockwood has itself an unusual history, and being sheriff means dealing with those problems."There are references to the old gods. Unlike some authors who use lovecraftian titles to draw in readers (read: cheat; I won't bother linking their shitty books), you won't be disappoited with that part here. Sure, the author gives you his own take on the old gods and what they can do, but it works well enough for this type of story.
So, what can you expect here? There are zombies, hauntings, ghouls, a manipulative and annoying (for me) teenager, agressive cows, suicidal vampires, lots of gore, likable and not so likable ghosts, successful and unsuccessful seductions and many more. And not in that particular order.
There are a couple of grammatical errors, but as a debut this is a pretty good and entertaining story.
Overall, I liked it and I would recommend it. Just be in the right mood for it and it'll be fine.
My favourite is still .
February 21, 2019
How could this go wrong? Zombie cows, spontaneously combusting sheep, crazy ghost dog, a redneck werewolf and vampire, spells cast in Pig-Latin. This book had me in stiches.
Okay, that is the good. Now the downside. As a whole the plot and the main characters all needed polishing. At the end, I just felt this story could have been better.
Okay, that is the good. Now the downside. As a whole the plot and the main characters all needed polishing. At the end, I just felt this story could have been better.
April 10, 2009
What a fun read!!!! This would make a HILARIOUS movie. It's silly, it's goofy and has plenty of horror and gore to go around. It's marketed as a young adult novel, don't know if I would go that far...but it was just a good time. I read it in a day. I would like to see further adventures of Duke, Earl, Cathy and Napoleon. I liked this book so much I reserved a copy of A. Lee Martinez's In The Company of Orges.
August 5, 2021
More 3.5 stars, enjoyable fluff. Easy read, with a good amount of humor.
December 9, 2015
3½ out of 5 stars
The writing is light, fast paced, and doesn't take itself or anything else seriously. It's funny at times and somewhat poignant at other times when you least expect it. The humor is not what I'd call sharp or hilarious, but it's absurd enough to carry the story through to the end and unusual enough to hold my attention.
A better review is posted at and .
The writing is light, fast paced, and doesn't take itself or anything else seriously. It's funny at times and somewhat poignant at other times when you least expect it. The humor is not what I'd call sharp or hilarious, but it's absurd enough to carry the story through to the end and unusual enough to hold my attention.
A better review is posted at and .
May 13, 2015
Originally posted at
Read It, Track It is a way for me to track books for my reading challenges and they will be super short.
I've wanted to read Gil's All Fright Diner for a while now. My husband has it on his bookshelf but after I saw it was available on audio and that Fred Berman was the narrator I had to request it from the library.
Gil's All Fright Diner features an unlikely couple of friends, Earl (vampire) and Duke (werewolf). These two rednecks drive into town and find themselves in the middle of zombies, ghouls and some freaky black magic going on.
Next time I'm in the mood for quirky I'll be picking up another A. Lee Martinez book!
Read It, Track It is a way for me to track books for my reading challenges and they will be super short.
I've wanted to read Gil's All Fright Diner for a while now. My husband has it on his bookshelf but after I saw it was available on audio and that Fred Berman was the narrator I had to request it from the library.
Gil's All Fright Diner features an unlikely couple of friends, Earl (vampire) and Duke (werewolf). These two rednecks drive into town and find themselves in the middle of zombies, ghouls and some freaky black magic going on.
Next time I'm in the mood for quirky I'll be picking up another A. Lee Martinez book!
January 5, 2019
1.5 stars
July 13, 2014
Good lord, that was bad. But I can understand why some like it. The humour, frivolity and flippant nature of the characters towards all things supernatural just wasn't to my taste. Where were the disbelievers, those ignorant of the paranormal or the crazy fist-shaking fanatics hell-bent on ridding the world of evil doers?
Everything was designed to be quirky, to draw a laugh or a smile from the reader. From the melodramatic evil Lolita determined to take over the world any way possible, seducing and killing her way to her goal, to declarations that the world's about to end and the requisite tentacled monster. Basically it's a parody of old-style rural horror with a modern twist.
The zombie cows and turkeys were new and exciting but in general the humour didn't get many laughs from me. The two months of reading this hasn't been fun. I'm not sure why I forced myself to finish it today but I did it. Hallelujah.
If you like or are in the mood for an ultra lite camp and goofy horror in the same vein as Shaun of the Dead (which is much better than this book) or the Scary Movie franchise then you'll probably enjoy this.
Everything was designed to be quirky, to draw a laugh or a smile from the reader. From the melodramatic evil Lolita determined to take over the world any way possible, seducing and killing her way to her goal, to declarations that the world's about to end and the requisite tentacled monster. Basically it's a parody of old-style rural horror with a modern twist.
The zombie cows and turkeys were new and exciting but in general the humour didn't get many laughs from me. The two months of reading this hasn't been fun. I'm not sure why I forced myself to finish it today but I did it. Hallelujah.
If you like or are in the mood for an ultra lite camp and goofy horror in the same vein as Shaun of the Dead (which is much better than this book) or the Scary Movie franchise then you'll probably enjoy this.
February 23, 2018
Earl and Duke are just a couple of rednecks, driving along in their pickup truck minding their own business until one night when they pull into an all night diner. What they find is a diner owner with a bit of a zombie infestation problem. This doesn't fluster anyone nearly as much as one would expect since it seems that weird stuff isn't a new phenomenon in the small town. Did I mention that Earl is a vampire and Duke is a werewolf? And that they have their very own meet-cute story? Well, they are and they do. So naturally they fit right in with all the bizarre goings-on like zombie cows, Shakesperean ghouls, a headless ghost dog, and a 16 year old trying to start her own cult. It's all a part of the Law of Anomolous Attraction.
This was a fun, kooky read. I listened to the audiobook and the narrator did a great job with all the voices, even the female ones - and that's something I almost never say about male narrators. Earl and Duke made the story and I wish the author would write a second book featuring them. I'll be checking out more books from this author.
This was a fun, kooky read. I listened to the audiobook and the narrator did a great job with all the voices, even the female ones - and that's something I almost never say about male narrators. Earl and Duke made the story and I wish the author would write a second book featuring them. I'll be checking out more books from this author.
April 10, 2018
“When you cross over into the weird stuff, there's no going back. Hector has a theory on it. Calls it the law of 'Anomalous Phenomena Attraction.' He explained it to me once. Didn't really pay attention, but it boils down to 'weird shit pulls in more weird shit.�
This was absurd and crazy. A teenage girl trying to bring on the apocalypse and a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost trying to prevent it. Sprinkled with zombies (including zombie cows!), ghouls, evil old gods and a lot of gore. Thankfully, it doesn’t take itself very seriously.
“I know Earl isn’t always easy to get along with. Fact is, he can be a real pain in the ass more often than not, but after you spend enough time with him, and you learn to ignore his personality, he’s a pretty decent guy.�
This was absurd and crazy. A teenage girl trying to bring on the apocalypse and a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost trying to prevent it. Sprinkled with zombies (including zombie cows!), ghouls, evil old gods and a lot of gore. Thankfully, it doesn’t take itself very seriously.
“I know Earl isn’t always easy to get along with. Fact is, he can be a real pain in the ass more often than not, but after you spend enough time with him, and you learn to ignore his personality, he’s a pretty decent guy.�
September 6, 2020
4.5 stars for a quick read! This book now has a special place on my shelves - so freaking funny and entertaining!
Would have been perfect if not for the occasional casual body shaming of Loretta.
Would have been perfect if not for the occasional casual body shaming of Loretta.
December 13, 2022
Quick and breezy, but a little light on substance.
February 15, 2019
Gil's All Fright Diner was a fun, quick (or would've been; had I not kept forgetting it at home and thus lost 20 min x 2 commuting to work most days) read. It's most likely not something that I'll remember in a year's time, but it did leave me wanting to stock up on more by
A. Lee Martinez
for future reading slumps.
Actual review to come once inspiration strikes me.
Actual review to come once inspiration strikes me.
July 23, 2022
A very fun book! Gil's All Fright Diner is A Lee Martinez first debut fantasy book, which is hilarious, entertaining, somehow absurd was set in zombie apocalypse world. It's not entirely a parody, beneath
the surface of the ridiculous story. in retrospect, I think every common citizens could have potentially villainous personalities to join a cult or start a apocalypse. Humanity is complicated and somehow eager to break away from ordinary life, and we easily forget to have joie de vivre that most people already have. Life is meaningless if we don't learn something from our own experience.
This book has vampire, werewolf, ghosts, zombies, witches and Cthulhu type monsters etc. So If you want a simple and straight story with laughable characters, Gil's All Fright Dinner is for you.
the surface of the ridiculous story. in retrospect, I think every common citizens could have potentially villainous personalities to join a cult or start a apocalypse. Humanity is complicated and somehow eager to break away from ordinary life, and we easily forget to have joie de vivre that most people already have. Life is meaningless if we don't learn something from our own experience.
This book has vampire, werewolf, ghosts, zombies, witches and Cthulhu type monsters etc. So If you want a simple and straight story with laughable characters, Gil's All Fright Dinner is for you.
January 16, 2019
This didn't land with me as much as I wanted it to. I love book that poke fun at horror tropes and I thought I would get that with Duke and Earl and a vampire and werewolf who stop at Gil's All Night Diner for a bite to it, but stay to help out with the town's strange zombie problem. I had issues with the way fat characters were described, it was a little over-the-top and played for cheap laughs that weren't funny. The humor also fell flat for me, I chuckled a little bit at a teen girl using an abridged Necronomicon, but that was it.
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