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1966 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1966
How is a road beaten down through the virgin snow? One person walks ahead, sweating, swearing, and barely moving his feet. He keeps getting stuck in the loose, deep snow. He goes far ahead, marking his path with uneven black pits. When he tires, he lies down on the snow, lights a home-made cigarette, and the tobacco smoke hangs suspended above the white, gleaming snow like a blue cloud. The man moves on, but the cloud remains hovering above the spot where he rested, for the air is motionless. Roads are always beaten down on days like these 鈥� so that the wind won鈥檛 sweep away this labor of man.
Supper was over. Slowly Glebov licked the bowl and brushed the breadcrumbs methodically from the table into his left palm. Without swallowing, he felt each miniature fragment of bread in his mouth coated greedily with a thick layer of saliva. Glebov couldn鈥檛 have said whether it tasted good or not. Taste was an entirely different thing, not worthy to be compared with this passionate sensation that made all else recede into oblivion. Glebov was in no hurry to swallow; the bread itself melted in his mouth and quickly vanished.
Envy, like all our feelings, had been dulled and weakened by hunger. We lacked the strength to experience emotions, to seek easier work, to walk, to ask, to beg鈥� We envied only our acquaintances, the ones who had been lucky enough to get office work, a job in the hospital or the stables 鈥� wherever there was none of the long physical labor glorified as heroic and noble in signs above all the camp gates.
The poet was dying. His hands, swollen from hunger with their white bloodless fingers and filthy overgrown nails, lay on his chest, exposed to the cold. He used to put them under his shirt, against his naked body, but there was too little warmth there now. His mittens had long since been stolen; to steal in the middle of the day all a thief needed was brazenness. A dim electric sun, spotted by flies and shackled in a round screen, was affixed to the high ceiling. Light fell on the poet鈥檚 feet, and he lay, as if in a box, in the dark depths of the bottom layer of bunks that stretched in two unbroken rows all around the walls of the room.
鈥淲e have to squeeze everything out of a prisoner in the first three months 鈥� after that we don鈥檛 need him anymore.鈥� 鈥� Naftaly Frenkel, Camp commander [from Solzhenitsyn鈥檚 Gulag Archipelago].
泻芯薪褔械薪褘泄
Translation: 鈥榞oner鈥� or 鈥榙oomed.鈥�
"I鈥檇 like to have my arms and legs cut off and become a human stump 鈥� no arms or legs. Then I鈥檇 be strong enough to spit in their faces for everything they鈥檙e doing to us."
Burada hep a莽s谋n, yorgunsun, donuyorsun鈥� Yaralar谋n iyile艧miyor, kemiklerin 谋s谋nm谋yor, bitler 眉zerinde geziniyor. T眉m g眉c眉n眉 sadece hayatta kalmak, sadece ayakta kalmak i莽in harc谋yorsun. Duygulara yer yok burada, kin tutamazs谋n ya da 枚fke duyamazs谋n, duygulara ay谋raca臒谋n her enerji zerresine ihtiyac谋n var, ayakta kalamazs谋n yoksa. O nedenle umursamazs谋n. Daha 枚nce 枚臒rendiklerin burada ge莽ersiz, entelekt眉el becerilerin seni daha zay谋f k谋l谋yor. Adi su莽lular en g眉莽l眉ler ve herkesin 眉st眉ndeler, ac谋mas谋z ve vah艧iler. Oysa Dostoyevski onlar谋 nas谋l da merhametle anlat谋yordu!
脰nce duygular谋n terk ediyor seni, sonra bili艧sel yeteneklerin. Bilin莽siz kalmaya o kadar ihtiyac谋n var ki 枚l眉 gibi yat谋yorsun, kemiklerine i艧leyen so臒u臒u, midenin bo艧lu臒unu, u臒rad谋臒谋n haks谋zl谋klar谋, g眉c眉n眉n 莽ok 眉st眉nde 莽al谋艧t谋r谋lman谋n yorgunlu臒unu ancak bu 艧ekilde unutabiliyorsun. Bir sonraki g眉ne dek.
脰yle 艧eyler g枚r眉p ya艧谋yorsun ki buradan kurtuldu臒unda ailenin yan谋na d枚nmeyi hayal edemiyorsun. Elinde kalan az谋c谋k ve 莽ok 枚nemli 艧eyleri anlayamayacaklar谋n谋 biliyorsun. Hi莽bir insan senin tan谋k oldu臒un 艧eyleri bilmemeli. Ruhun da bedenin de 莽ok yorgun, art谋k dinlenmek istiyorsun.
Ama bir sedir a臒ac谋 var, umudun a臒ac谋. Umutsuzlu臒un orta yerinde bu her daim ye艧il a臒aca bak谋yorsun, cesaretiyle ve inat莽谋l谋臒谋yla b眉y眉lenerek. Seni 枚lmeye g枚nderdikleri bu yerde, a莽l谋ktan 48 kiloya d眉艧m眉艧ken ve her yerin iltihapl谋yken onun gibi do臒rulam谋yorsun belki ama bir 艧eyler yap谋yorsun: Kendi yolunu se莽iyorsun*.
Adi su莽lulara hikaye anlatarak ve onlar谋n topuklar谋n谋 ka艧谋yarak daha rahat bir kamp hayat谋 ge莽irebilirsin, yapm谋yorsun, seni o kadar a艧a臒谋lamalar谋na izin vermiyorsun. Oyun oynad谋臒谋n谋z k枚pe臒i 枚ld眉r眉yorlar, etinden sana da veriyorlar bir par莽a, a莽l谋ktan 枚lsen de yemiyorsun. 陌ktidar谋n nas谋l bir g眉莽 ve ac谋mas谋zl谋k getirdi臒inin fark谋ndas谋n, hi莽 kimseye zarar vermemek i莽in sana en ufak bir yetki verecek t眉m g枚revleri reddediyorsun. Kendinden ba艧ka kimseye minnet duymak istemiyorsun, tek ba艧谋na 莽谋kacaks谋n bu kamptan, kendi g眉c眉nle, kendi becerinle. S枚zc眉kler seni terk ediyor, an谋lar da. Ama sevdi臒in 艧iirler h芒l芒 duruyor. Bitkinli臒in, so臒u臒un, a莽l谋臒谋n, sonu gelmez a艧a臒谋lamalar谋n bast谋ramad谋臒谋 o 艧iirler sana hayatta kalabilmek i莽in g眉莽 veriyor.
Bir g眉n 莽oktand谋r unuttu臒un kelimelerden birini hat谋rl谋yorsun. 脰yle korkuyorsun ki d枚n眉艧眉 olmayan bir yere gitmekten, tedirgin oluyorsun ama 莽oktand谋r unuttu臒un bir his yokluyor seni: Ya艧amak istiyorsun, eski hayat谋na d枚nmek istiyorsun.
Ve hayatta kal谋yorsun. Binbir zorlukla geri getirdi臒in kelimelerle t眉m o anlat谋lamaz ac谋y谋 aktar谋yorsun. Sana g枚re edebiyat莽谋 kendi bildi臒i ger莽e臒i anlatmal谋 zaten. Sen de 枚yle yap谋yorsun, g枚rd眉臒眉n, bildi臒in 艧eyleri anlat谋yorsun, kendini ac谋nd谋rmadan, mecaz kullanmadan, s眉slemeden, do臒rudan. Cehennem de ancak b枚yle anlat谋labilirdi zaten ve sen bunu ba艧ar谋yorsun. Ne de olsa cehennemden d枚nd眉n.
袙褋械 褔械谢芯胁械褔械褋泻懈械 褔褍胁褋褌胁邪 鈥� 谢褞斜芯胁褜, 写褉褍卸斜邪, 蟹邪胁懈褋褌褜, 褔械谢芯胁械泻芯谢褞斜懈械, 屑懈谢芯褋械褉写懈械, 卸邪卸写邪 褋谢邪胁褘, 褔械褋褌薪芯褋褌褜 鈥� 褍褕谢懈 芯褌 薪邪褋 褋 褌械屑 屑褟褋芯屑, 泻芯褌芯褉芯谐芯 屑褘 谢懈褕懈谢懈褋褜 蟹邪 胁褉械屑褟 褋胁芯械谐芯 锌褉芯写芯谢卸懈褌械谢褜薪芯谐芯 谐芯谢芯写邪薪懈褟.
袛褉褍卸斜邪 薪械 蟹邪褉芯卸写邪械褌褋褟 薪懈 胁 薪褍卸写械, 薪懈 胁 斜械写械. 孝械 芦褌褉褍写薪褘械禄 褍褋谢芯胁懈褟 卸懈蟹薪懈, 泻芯褌芯褉褘械, 泻邪泻 谐芯胁芯褉褟褌 薪邪屑 褋泻邪蟹泻懈 褏褍写芯卸械褋褌胁械薪薪芯泄 谢懈褌械褉邪褌褍褉褘, 褟胁谢褟褞褌褋褟 芯斜褟蟹邪褌械谢褜薪褘屑 褍褋谢芯胁懈械屑 胁芯蟹薪懈泻薪芯胁械薪懈褟 写褉褍卸斜褘, 锌褉芯褋褌芯 薪械写芯褋褌邪褌芯褔薪芯 褌褉褍写薪褘. 袝褋谢懈 斜械写邪 懈 薪褍卸写邪 褋锌谢芯褌懈谢懈, 褉芯写懈谢懈 写褉褍卸斜褍 谢褞写械泄 鈥� 蟹薪邪褔懈褌, 褝褌芯 薪褍卸写邪 薪械 泻褉邪泄薪褟褟 懈 斜械写邪 薪械 斜芯谢褜褕邪褟. 袚芯褉械 薪械写芯褋褌邪褌芯褔薪芯 芯褋褌褉芯 懈 谐谢褍斜芯泻芯, 械褋谢懈 屑芯卸薪芯 褉邪蟹写械谢懈褌褜 械谐芯 褋 写褉褍蟹褜褟屑懈. 袙 薪邪褋褌芯褟褖械泄 薪褍卸写械 锌芯蟹薪邪械褌褋褟 褌芯谢褜泻芯 褋胁芯褟 褋芯斜褋褌胁械薪薪邪褟 写褍褕械胁薪邪褟 懈 褌械谢械褋薪邪褟 泻褉械锌芯褋褌褜, 芯锌褉械写械谢褟褞褌褋褟 锌褉械写械谢褘 褋胁芯懈褏 胁芯蟹屑芯卸薪芯褋褌械泄, 褎懈蟹懈褔械褋泻芯泄 胁褘薪芯褋谢懈胁芯褋褌懈 懈 屑芯褉邪谢褜薪芯泄 褋懈谢褘.
袦械卸写褍 褌械屑 屑褘 斜褘谢懈 薪械锌褉懈泻邪褋邪械屑褘屑懈 写谢褟 斜芯谢褜褕懈薪褋褌胁邪 胁芯谢褜薪褘褏. 袙褋械 芯薪懈, 褋 褌芯泄 懈谢懈 懈薪芯泄 褋褌械锌械薪褜褞 芯褌泻褉芯胁械薪薪芯褋褌懈, 写械屑芯薪褋褌褉懈褉芯胁邪谢懈 薪邪屑 褋胁芯械 芯褌薪芯褕械薪懈械, 泻芯谢械斜谢褞褖械械褋褟 芯褌 锌褉械蟹褉械薪懈褟 写芯 褋芯褔褍胁褋褌胁懈褟, 褋褔懈褌邪褟, 褔褌芯 褉邪蟹 屑褘 锌芯锌邪谢懈 褋褞写邪, 褉邪蟹 薪邪褋 褋芯写械褉卸邪褌 胁 褌邪泻懈褏 褍褋谢芯胁懈褟褏, 蟹薪邪褔懈褌, 写械谢芯 褋 薪邪屑懈 薪械 褔懈褋褌芯, 蟹薪邪褔懈褌, 械褋褌褜 薪邪 薪邪褋 泻邪泻邪褟-褌芯 褌邪泄薪邪褟 懈 褍卸邪褋薪邪褟 胁懈薪邪. 袨薪懈 褋谢褘褕邪谢懈, 褔褌芯 屑褘 谐芯胁芯褉懈屑 薪邪 褉邪蟹薪褘褏 薪械锌芯薪褟褌薪褘褏 褟蟹褘泻邪褏, 泻芯褌芯褉褘械 蟹胁褍褔邪谢懈 写谢褟 薪懈褏 写懈泻芯, 胁褘蟹褘胁邪褟 邪褋褋芯褑懈邪褑懈褞 褋 泻褉懈泻邪屑懈 蟹胁械褉械泄; 芯薪懈 胁懈写械谢懈 薪邪褋, 锌芯谢薪芯褋褌褜褞 锌芯褉邪斜芯褖械薪薪褘褏, 斜械蟹 胁芯谢芯褋, 斜械蟹 懈屑械薪, 蟹邪斜褘胁褕懈褏 芯 写芯褋褌芯懈薪褋褌胁械, 褌械褉锌褟褖懈褏 锌芯斜芯懈, 褋 泻邪卸写褘屑 写薪械屑 胁褋械 斜芯谢褜褕械 写械谐褉邪写懈褉褍褞褖懈褏, 薪芯 薪械 屑芯谐谢懈 蟹邪屑械褌懈褌褜 胁 薪邪褕懈褏 胁蟹谐谢褟写邪褏 写邪卸械 锌褉芯斜谢械褋泻邪 锌褉芯褌械褋褌邪, 胁械褉褘 懈谢懈 褋屑懈褉械薪懈褟. 袨薪懈 蟹薪邪谢懈 薪邪褋 泻邪泻 胁芯褉芯胁 懈 芯斜屑邪薪褖懈泻芯胁, 泻邪泻 谐褉褟蟹薪褘褏 谐芯谢芯写薪褘褏 芯斜芯褉胁邪薪褑械胁 懈, 锌芯屑械薪褟胁 屑械褋褌邪屑懈 褋谢械写褋褌胁懈械 懈 锌褉懈褔懈薪褍, 胁芯褋锌褉懈薪懈屑邪谢懈 薪邪褋 褌邪泻懈屑懈, 泻邪泻懈屑懈 屑褘 褋褌邪谢懈. 袛谢褟 薪懈褏 屑褘 胁褋械 斜褘谢懈 薪邪 芯写薪芯 谢懈褑芯 懈 薪邪蟹褘胁邪谢懈褋褜 锌褉芯褋褌芯 KZ 鈥� 褋褉械写薪懈泄 褉芯写, 械写懈薪褋褌胁械薪薪芯械 褔懈褋谢芯.
Infatti, noi per i civili siamo gli intoccabili. I civili, pi煤 o meno esplicitamente, e con tutte le sfumature che stanno fra il disprezzo e la commiserazione, pensano che, per essere stati condannati a questa nostra vita, per essere ridotti a questa nostra condizione, noi dobbiamo esserci macchiati di una qualche misteriosa gravissima colpa. Ci odono parlare in molte lingue diverse, che essi non comprendono, e che suonano loro grottesche come voci animali; ci vedono ignobilmente asserviti, senza capelli, senza onore e senza nome, ogni giorno percossi, ogni giorno pi煤 abietti, e mai leggono nei nostri occhi una luce di ribellione, o di pace, o di fede. Ci conoscono ladri e malfidi, fangosi cenciosi e affamati, e, confondendo l鈥檈ffetto con la causa, ci giudicano degni della nostra abiezione. Chi potrebbe distinguere i nostri visi? per loro noi siamo 芦Kazett禄, neutro singolare.
Any human feelings鈥攍ove, friendship, envy, charity, mercy, ambition, decency鈥攈ad vanished along with the flesh we had lost during our prolonged starvation.
Friendship never arises in a state of deprivation or misery. The 鈥渄ifficult鈥� conditions of life, which writers of fairy tales tell us are a precondition for friendship, are simply not difficult enough. If deprivation or misery ever gave people solidarity and friendship, then the deprivation was not extreme and the misery was not very great. Grief is not acute or deep enough if you can share it with friends. In the deprivation we underwent, all you are aware of is your own mental and physical strength, and you find out the limits of your capacities, your physical endurance, and your moral strength.
In fact, we are the untouchables to the civilians. They think, more or less explicitly 鈥� with all the nuances lying between contempt and commiseration 鈥� that as we have been condemned to this life of ours, reduced to our condition, we must be tainted by some mysterious, grave sin. They hear us speak in many different languages, which they do not understand and which sound to them as grotesque as animal noises; they see us reduced to ignoble slavery, without hair, without honour and without names, beaten every day, more abject every day, and they never see in our eyes a light of rebellion, or of peace, or of faith. They know us as thieves and untrustworthy, muddy, ragged and starving, and mistaking the effect for the cause, they judge us worthy of our abasement. Who could tell one of our faces from the other? For them we are 鈥楰azett鈥�, a singular neuter word.
Infatti, noi per i civili siamo gli intoccabili. I civili, pi煤 o meno esplicitamente, e con tutte le sfumature che stanno fra il disprezzo e la commiserazione, pensano che, per essere stati condannati a questa nostra vita, per essere ridotti a questa nostra condizione, noi dobbiamo esserci macchiati di una qualche misteriosa gravissima colpa. Ci odono parlare in molte lingue diverse, che essi non comprendono, e che suonano loro grottesche come voci animali; ci vedono ignobilmente asserviti, senza capelli, senza onore e senza nome, ogni giorno percossi, ogni giorno pi煤 abietti, e mai leggono nei nostri occhi una luce di ribellione, o di pace, o di fede. Ci conoscono ladri e malfidi, fangosi cenciosi e affamati, e, confondendo l鈥檈ffetto con la causa, ci giudicano degni della nostra abiezione. Chi potrebbe distinguere i nostri visi? per loro noi siamo 芦Kazett禄, neutro singolare.
"Friendship is not born in conditions of need or trouble. Literary fairy tales tell of 鈥榙ifficult鈥� conditions which are an essential element in forming any friendship, but such conditions are simply not difficult enough. If tragedy and need brought people together and gave birth to their friendship, then the need was not extreme and the tragedy not great. Tragedy is not deep and sharp if it can be shared with friends."
"He didn't want to die here in the frost under the boots of the guards, in the barracks with its swearing, dirt and total indifference written on every face. He bore no grudge for people's indifference, for he had long since comprehended the source of that spiritual dullness. The same frost that transformed a man's spit into ice in mid-air also penetrated the soul. If bones could freeze, then the brain could also be dulled and the soul could freeze over. And the soul shuddered and froze - perhaps to remain frozen forever."