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96 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 1970
I wear my best gown for the picture鈥�
white silk with seed pearls and ostrich feathers鈥�
my hair in a loose chignon. Behind me,
Bellocq's black scrum just covers the laundry鈥�
tea towels, bleached and frayed, drying on the line.
I look away from his lens to appear
demure, to attract those guests not wanting
the lewd sights of Emma Johnson's circus.
Countess writes my description for the book鈥�
鈥淰iolet,鈥� a fair-skinned beauty, recites
poetry and soliloquies; nightly
she performs her tableau vivant, becomes
a living statue, an object of art鈥�
and I fade again into someone I'm not.
I pose nude for this photograph, awkward,
one arm folded behind my back, the other
limp at my side. Seated, I raise my chin,
my back so straight I imagine the bones
separating in my spine, my neck lengthening
like evening shadows. When I see this plate
I try to recall what I was thinking鈥�
how not to be exposed, though naked, how
to wear skin like a garment, seamless.
Bellocq thinks I'm right for the camera, keeps
coming to my room. These plates are fragile,
he says, showing me how easy it is
to shatter this image of myself, how
a quick scratch carves a scar across my chest.
It troubles me to think that I am suited
for this work鈥攕pectacle and fetish鈥�
a pale odalisque. But then I recall
my earliest training鈥攃hildhood鈥攈ow
my mother taught me to curtsy and be still
so that I might please a white man, my father.
For him I learned to shape my gestures,
practiced expressions on my pliant face.
I've learned the camera well鈥攖he danger
of it, the half-truths it can tell, but also
the way it fastens us to our pasts, makes grand
the unadorned moment.
Imagine her a moment later鈥攁fter
the flash, blinded鈥攕tepping out
of the frame, wide-eyed, into her life.