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Midlife: A Philosophical Guide
Philosophical wisdom and practical advice for overcoming the problems of middle age
How can you reconcile yourself with the lives you will never lead, with possibilities foreclosed, and with nostalgia for lost youth? How can you accept the failings of the past, the sense of futility in the tasks that consume the present, and the prospect of death that blights the future? In this self-help book with a difference, Kieran Setiya confronts the inevitable challenges of adulthood and middle age, showing how philosophy can help you thrive.
You will learn why missing out might be a good thing, how options are overrated, and when you should be glad you made a mistake. You will be introduced to philosophical consolations for mortality. And you will learn what it would mean to live in the present, how it could solve your midlife crisis, and why meditation helps.
Ranging from Aristotle, Schopenhauer, and John Stuart Mill to Virginia Woolf and Simone de Beauvoir, as well as drawing on Setiya's own experience, Midlife combines imaginative ideas, surprising insights, and practical advice. Writing with wisdom and wit, Setiya makes a wry but passionate case for philosophy as a guide to life.
How can you reconcile yourself with the lives you will never lead, with possibilities foreclosed, and with nostalgia for lost youth? How can you accept the failings of the past, the sense of futility in the tasks that consume the present, and the prospect of death that blights the future? In this self-help book with a difference, Kieran Setiya confronts the inevitable challenges of adulthood and middle age, showing how philosophy can help you thrive.
You will learn why missing out might be a good thing, how options are overrated, and when you should be glad you made a mistake. You will be introduced to philosophical consolations for mortality. And you will learn what it would mean to live in the present, how it could solve your midlife crisis, and why meditation helps.
Ranging from Aristotle, Schopenhauer, and John Stuart Mill to Virginia Woolf and Simone de Beauvoir, as well as drawing on Setiya's own experience, Midlife combines imaginative ideas, surprising insights, and practical advice. Writing with wisdom and wit, Setiya makes a wry but passionate case for philosophy as a guide to life.
189 pages, Hardcover
First published October 20, 2017
479 people are currently reading
6,230 people want to read
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December 19, 2017
Kieran’s book on how to cope with midlife crisis was a Godsend for me.
It is hard not to fall into self-biography when considering midlife crisis. When I was about to turn 40 I was worried about what that would mean for me. Initially nothing happened. As my fifth decade advanced I became increasingly aware of my own mortality, as my father and my two grandmothers died and my son grew at a scarily quick pace. Even though I had no major health concerns, unexpected conditions started to pop up. When I turned 50 I was in panic mode. As I faced the limits of what I would achieve as a professional, as a citizen, a parent, a husband, a relative, as I contemplated the impact of aging on my mother and other older relatives, as I saw it on myself every day in the mirror, when I climbed stairs, or jumped, or carried heavy bags, I spent hours, usually late at night and early in the morning, considering it all. Religion helped some, although not nearly as much as I’d hoped.
The worst part of it was my contemporaries, most of whom seemed to be in denial. Many chose to parrot the party line: �50 is the new 30�. � I am in my best moment and the future can only get better�. Really? Really? No one wanted to discuss the awfulness of aging as one’s mind and one’s body begin to show the signs of years lived, or of considering roads not taken, goals not reached, or reached and found wanting. I concluded that people I knew (some, at any rate) preferred to play an elaborate deception on themselves and others: if I pretend I don’t care about aging, disease and death, then these awful realities will somehow disappear, to be replaced by funny memes in social media.
Now, I am not one to begrudge anyone anything (or nearly) that’ll get him through the day. Whatever works, right? Well, not for me. I need to make sense of things, can’t just pretend they’re not there. I had read Montaigne’s Essays, and while fascinating they did not provide comfort in these concerns. Setiya’s book is a very useful, short but dense primer on how to live with the awareness of decay and death that middle age brings to anyone not in self-denial. His recommendations are useful, although I did not agree with some of them. Regardless of what one may think about particular arguments, sharing the thoughts of this smart, humane author was balm for my ego. Between the Scylla of denial and the Carybdis of nihilism Setiya charts a middle course that will appear to most readers who, looking around, ask themselves “is this all there is�?
It is hard not to fall into self-biography when considering midlife crisis. When I was about to turn 40 I was worried about what that would mean for me. Initially nothing happened. As my fifth decade advanced I became increasingly aware of my own mortality, as my father and my two grandmothers died and my son grew at a scarily quick pace. Even though I had no major health concerns, unexpected conditions started to pop up. When I turned 50 I was in panic mode. As I faced the limits of what I would achieve as a professional, as a citizen, a parent, a husband, a relative, as I contemplated the impact of aging on my mother and other older relatives, as I saw it on myself every day in the mirror, when I climbed stairs, or jumped, or carried heavy bags, I spent hours, usually late at night and early in the morning, considering it all. Religion helped some, although not nearly as much as I’d hoped.
The worst part of it was my contemporaries, most of whom seemed to be in denial. Many chose to parrot the party line: �50 is the new 30�. � I am in my best moment and the future can only get better�. Really? Really? No one wanted to discuss the awfulness of aging as one’s mind and one’s body begin to show the signs of years lived, or of considering roads not taken, goals not reached, or reached and found wanting. I concluded that people I knew (some, at any rate) preferred to play an elaborate deception on themselves and others: if I pretend I don’t care about aging, disease and death, then these awful realities will somehow disappear, to be replaced by funny memes in social media.
Now, I am not one to begrudge anyone anything (or nearly) that’ll get him through the day. Whatever works, right? Well, not for me. I need to make sense of things, can’t just pretend they’re not there. I had read Montaigne’s Essays, and while fascinating they did not provide comfort in these concerns. Setiya’s book is a very useful, short but dense primer on how to live with the awareness of decay and death that middle age brings to anyone not in self-denial. His recommendations are useful, although I did not agree with some of them. Regardless of what one may think about particular arguments, sharing the thoughts of this smart, humane author was balm for my ego. Between the Scylla of denial and the Carybdis of nihilism Setiya charts a middle course that will appear to most readers who, looking around, ask themselves “is this all there is�?
November 16, 2024
میانسال� دورها� از زندگی است که با تغییرات قابل توجهی در ابعاد مختلف زندگی همراه است. این دوره معمولاً از اواسط دهه سوم زندگی آغاز شده و تا اوایل دهه ششم ادامه مییاب�. تغییراتی همچون تغییرات فیزیولوژیکی، روانی و اجتماعی ، میتوانن� منجر به سختی ها و چالش های جدیدی در این دوران شوند .
بحران میانسالی یک تجربه روانی است که برخی افراد در دوره میانسالی با آن مواجه میشون�. این بحران معمولاً با احساس ناامیدی، پوچی، و عدم رضایت از زندگی همراه است. افرادی که دچار بحران میانسالی میشون� ممکن است سوالاتی اساسی در مورد زندگی خود بپرسند، مانند آیا تاکنون به اهدافم رسیدهام� یا آیا زندگیا� همان چیزی است که میخواستم�
کیه ران ستیا ، نویسنده آمریکایی در کتاب راهنمایی فلسفی برای میانسالی ، به همین مشکل و راه های مقابله با آن پرداخته . ستیا ، میانسالی را تنها بحرانی برای مردم کشورهای پیشرفته و توسعه یافته نمی داند . از نگاه او بحران میانسالی پدیدها� جهانی است . اگرچه ممکن است برخی از عوامل تشدیدکنند� این بحران در جوامع مختلف متفاوت باشد، اما به طور کلی این بحران میتوان� در هر جامعها� و در هر فرهنگی رخ دهد.
ستیا منحنی زندگی را به شکل یو می بیند که در دوران میانسالی ، نگاه و امید به زندگی در کف خود قرار می گیرد ، نویسنده یکی از مهم ترین روش های مقابله با این بحران را تقلای وسواس گونه برای خوشبختی یا پارادوکس منیت می داند و خواننده را به تلاش برای منعطف کردن ذهن خود به خوشبختی دیگران فرا می خواند . ستیا تفکر در خسران و انتخاب های گذشته و ترجیح دادن آن به وضعیت فعلی را همانند مقایسه وضعیت نامعلوم با وضعیت فعلی می داند .
ارجح دانستن فعالیت های غیر غایتمند یعنی کارها و اعمالی که هدف مشخص و از پیش تعیینشدها� ندارند و معمولاً برای رسیدن به نتیجها� خاص انجام نمیشوند� بلکه به عنوان راهی برای لذت بردن از لحظه حال، آرامش و تفریح در نظر گرفته میشون� به فعالیت های غایتمند ، یعنی فعالیتهای� که با هدف مشخصی انجام میشوند� یکی دیگر از راه های مقابله با میانسالی ایست . از این رو فعالیت هایی مانند گوش دادن به موسیقی، قدم زدن در طبیعت، نقاشی کشیدن یا بازی کردن به کارهایی مانند مطالعه برای قبولی در امتحان، ورزش برای کاهش وزن یا کار کردن برای کسب درآمد ترجیج دارند .
.
نویسنده گرچه بر اهمیت بحران میانسالی تأکید کرده ، اما نباید از نظر دور داشت که در شرایط کنونی ایران، بحرانها� دیگری مانند بحران اقتصادی، اجتماعی و سیاسی، زندگی افراد را در همه سنین تحت تأثیر قرار داده است. در چنین شرایطی، بحران میانسالی اگرچه یک چالش مهم است، اما ممکن است در اولویتها� افراد قرار نگیرد.
بحران میانسالی یک تجربه روانی است که برخی افراد در دوره میانسالی با آن مواجه میشون�. این بحران معمولاً با احساس ناامیدی، پوچی، و عدم رضایت از زندگی همراه است. افرادی که دچار بحران میانسالی میشون� ممکن است سوالاتی اساسی در مورد زندگی خود بپرسند، مانند آیا تاکنون به اهدافم رسیدهام� یا آیا زندگیا� همان چیزی است که میخواستم�
کیه ران ستیا ، نویسنده آمریکایی در کتاب راهنمایی فلسفی برای میانسالی ، به همین مشکل و راه های مقابله با آن پرداخته . ستیا ، میانسالی را تنها بحرانی برای مردم کشورهای پیشرفته و توسعه یافته نمی داند . از نگاه او بحران میانسالی پدیدها� جهانی است . اگرچه ممکن است برخی از عوامل تشدیدکنند� این بحران در جوامع مختلف متفاوت باشد، اما به طور کلی این بحران میتوان� در هر جامعها� و در هر فرهنگی رخ دهد.
ستیا منحنی زندگی را به شکل یو می بیند که در دوران میانسالی ، نگاه و امید به زندگی در کف خود قرار می گیرد ، نویسنده یکی از مهم ترین روش های مقابله با این بحران را تقلای وسواس گونه برای خوشبختی یا پارادوکس منیت می داند و خواننده را به تلاش برای منعطف کردن ذهن خود به خوشبختی دیگران فرا می خواند . ستیا تفکر در خسران و انتخاب های گذشته و ترجیح دادن آن به وضعیت فعلی را همانند مقایسه وضعیت نامعلوم با وضعیت فعلی می داند .
ارجح دانستن فعالیت های غیر غایتمند یعنی کارها و اعمالی که هدف مشخص و از پیش تعیینشدها� ندارند و معمولاً برای رسیدن به نتیجها� خاص انجام نمیشوند� بلکه به عنوان راهی برای لذت بردن از لحظه حال، آرامش و تفریح در نظر گرفته میشون� به فعالیت های غایتمند ، یعنی فعالیتهای� که با هدف مشخصی انجام میشوند� یکی دیگر از راه های مقابله با میانسالی ایست . از این رو فعالیت هایی مانند گوش دادن به موسیقی، قدم زدن در طبیعت، نقاشی کشیدن یا بازی کردن به کارهایی مانند مطالعه برای قبولی در امتحان، ورزش برای کاهش وزن یا کار کردن برای کسب درآمد ترجیج دارند .
.
نویسنده گرچه بر اهمیت بحران میانسالی تأکید کرده ، اما نباید از نظر دور داشت که در شرایط کنونی ایران، بحرانها� دیگری مانند بحران اقتصادی، اجتماعی و سیاسی، زندگی افراد را در همه سنین تحت تأثیر قرار داده است. در چنین شرایطی، بحران میانسالی اگرچه یک چالش مهم است، اما ممکن است در اولویتها� افراد قرار نگیرد.
January 11, 2018
This is an excellent book of modern philosophy. A year or more ago, my dad (a philosophy professor) sent me a link to Setiya's essay "The Midlife Crisis" (), which is the seed of this book. I greatly enjoyed the essay, and looked forward to the book version when I found out it was in the works.
I'm 32, so probably at the very young end of what anyone would consider middle-aged. (My dad expressed some shock when this came up in my update feed!) But the ideas Setiya speaks to still feel meaningful to me. I'd guess they would probably feel meaningful to anyone who has more or less established an adult life for themselves. For me, the "feelings of midlife" are probably about the best they could possibly be, and maybe similar to Setiya's own: I've finished grad school and probably won't get any more degrees, I've found a life partner and gotten married, I have a career that is interesting, seems worthwhile, and pays more than I think I need. These things together render a sense of emptiness in the mere succession of achievement of desires.
(I should note that these types of feelings are something for which religion, a belief in a higher power, might be seen as an answer, not to mention that it might help with the prospect of mortality. I don't remember Setiya ever mentioning religion, and the book more or less proceeds on atheistic grounds. That works for me!)
Setiya writes in a style that is just about perfect for me. The closest comparison I can think of is reading Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher. Both of these writers are doing philosophy that is explicitly therapeutic; that is, geared toward helping the reader live her life in a better way. The style is fairly simple and approachable, no more difficult than your average intellectual book of popular nonfiction. Setiya draws on earlier philosophers at times, particularly Schopenhauer, but is mainly happy to give his own perspectives. Despite all this, he also proceeds in a fairly careful, analytical style, considering and rejecting or accepting various specific explanations, then assessing the reasonableness of various approaches to addressing those he selects as likely. He defines special terms a couple of times, but only as needed, and they generally seemed to facilitate understanding rather than impeding it.
I also found the content useful, if not 100% settling any sense of unease. Setiya talks at some length about Schopenhauer's critique of a project-oriented life--either you are unhappy because there is goal you wish to obtain and have not yet obtained, or you have achieved your goal, in which case you are directionless and lack meaning. In this view, life is a continual treadmill of lacking and extinguishing. Setiya's response is to draw a distinction between "telic" and "atelic" activities: those that are pursued in order to achieve some end, and those that are pursued as valuable in and of themselves. Examples of atelic activities might be walking in nature, talking with friends, or listening to music. But there are also atelic aspects of almost any activity. A good example, which Setiya doesn't mention, is training for a marathon or other race. You might view the training as an unfortunate cost to be paid in order to achieve the goal of finishing a marathon, or you might view the marathon as a means to getting yourself to go outside and run, which is itself intrinsically good. In Setiya's view, orienting our lives toward a more atelic perspective is an effective way of responding to the midlife crisis.
The essay version of this book focuses primarily on the telic/atelic distinction. The book version is padded out with more extended consideration of several other related topics, including the fear of death, regret for lives we didn't live, and regret for mistakes we made in the past. These sections of the book are also characteristically thoughtful, but for the most part, didn't speak to me as much. More than anything, I take this to mean that the "succession of projects" aspect of the midlife crisis is the one that I personally feel the most. The "FOMO" section on lives we didn't choose does contain a view that I found very meaningful, though. Setiya says that one of the aspects of midlife regret is that human life offers such a plurality of values. While this can lead to some painful feelings, Setiya encourages us to take a broader perspective by understanding that this very plurality is a large part of what makes human life rich and worth living. We could only rid ourselves of this sense of tradeoff by drastically narrowing the scope of our interests and experiences, and this, he submits, would be far from worth it.
I came away from this book with some ideas that I now regularly call to mind, and that is very high praise. I hope Kieran Setiya gets a good reception for this book, and decides to write more for a general audience! If the ideas sound interesting to you, I recommend reading first the essay I linked above, and if you like it, getting the book!
I'm 32, so probably at the very young end of what anyone would consider middle-aged. (My dad expressed some shock when this came up in my update feed!) But the ideas Setiya speaks to still feel meaningful to me. I'd guess they would probably feel meaningful to anyone who has more or less established an adult life for themselves. For me, the "feelings of midlife" are probably about the best they could possibly be, and maybe similar to Setiya's own: I've finished grad school and probably won't get any more degrees, I've found a life partner and gotten married, I have a career that is interesting, seems worthwhile, and pays more than I think I need. These things together render a sense of emptiness in the mere succession of achievement of desires.
(I should note that these types of feelings are something for which religion, a belief in a higher power, might be seen as an answer, not to mention that it might help with the prospect of mortality. I don't remember Setiya ever mentioning religion, and the book more or less proceeds on atheistic grounds. That works for me!)
Setiya writes in a style that is just about perfect for me. The closest comparison I can think of is reading Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher. Both of these writers are doing philosophy that is explicitly therapeutic; that is, geared toward helping the reader live her life in a better way. The style is fairly simple and approachable, no more difficult than your average intellectual book of popular nonfiction. Setiya draws on earlier philosophers at times, particularly Schopenhauer, but is mainly happy to give his own perspectives. Despite all this, he also proceeds in a fairly careful, analytical style, considering and rejecting or accepting various specific explanations, then assessing the reasonableness of various approaches to addressing those he selects as likely. He defines special terms a couple of times, but only as needed, and they generally seemed to facilitate understanding rather than impeding it.
I also found the content useful, if not 100% settling any sense of unease. Setiya talks at some length about Schopenhauer's critique of a project-oriented life--either you are unhappy because there is goal you wish to obtain and have not yet obtained, or you have achieved your goal, in which case you are directionless and lack meaning. In this view, life is a continual treadmill of lacking and extinguishing. Setiya's response is to draw a distinction between "telic" and "atelic" activities: those that are pursued in order to achieve some end, and those that are pursued as valuable in and of themselves. Examples of atelic activities might be walking in nature, talking with friends, or listening to music. But there are also atelic aspects of almost any activity. A good example, which Setiya doesn't mention, is training for a marathon or other race. You might view the training as an unfortunate cost to be paid in order to achieve the goal of finishing a marathon, or you might view the marathon as a means to getting yourself to go outside and run, which is itself intrinsically good. In Setiya's view, orienting our lives toward a more atelic perspective is an effective way of responding to the midlife crisis.
The essay version of this book focuses primarily on the telic/atelic distinction. The book version is padded out with more extended consideration of several other related topics, including the fear of death, regret for lives we didn't live, and regret for mistakes we made in the past. These sections of the book are also characteristically thoughtful, but for the most part, didn't speak to me as much. More than anything, I take this to mean that the "succession of projects" aspect of the midlife crisis is the one that I personally feel the most. The "FOMO" section on lives we didn't choose does contain a view that I found very meaningful, though. Setiya says that one of the aspects of midlife regret is that human life offers such a plurality of values. While this can lead to some painful feelings, Setiya encourages us to take a broader perspective by understanding that this very plurality is a large part of what makes human life rich and worth living. We could only rid ourselves of this sense of tradeoff by drastically narrowing the scope of our interests and experiences, and this, he submits, would be far from worth it.
I came away from this book with some ideas that I now regularly call to mind, and that is very high praise. I hope Kieran Setiya gets a good reception for this book, and decides to write more for a general audience! If the ideas sound interesting to you, I recommend reading first the essay I linked above, and if you like it, getting the book!
June 14, 2021
بحران میانسالی
همه ما دیر یا زود در میانسالی بین 35 تا 40 سالگی به بحران میانسالی یا ورود به جنگلی تاریک دچار میشویم که بر اساس مطالعاتی در سال 2008توسط دو محقق در اوج و فرود زندگی ما بشکل حرف" یو" انگیسی قابل تصور هست که به نوعی پرسش ما از دستاوردهای ما و معنای زندگی هم هست. این کتاب با طرح دیدگاه فیلسوفان برای گذر آرام از این دوران توصیه هایی هم می کند
* midlife crisis : U-shaped crisis
غالباً میانسال� را دورها� حسرتبا� و غمافز� تصویر کردهان�. دورانی که در آن شور و هیجان دوران جوانی دیگر تمام شده، آرزوهایمان از دست رفته و حس میکنی� زندگی� با شیبی ملایم رو به افول میرو�. اما بسیاری از افراد در این ساله� شوقِ معنویِ تازها� در وجود خود احساس میکنن�. میلی درونی که معنای زندگی در جهان را برایشان عوض میکن� و آنه� را به تجارب روحی تازها� میکشان�. تجاربی که گویا به همان اندازۀ ماجراجوییها� دوران جوانی عمیق و خوشایند است.
مهم نیست سر از کجا در میآورید� جستوجو� معنوی میتوان� یکی از بزرگتری� لذتها� زندگی باشد
مقاله ای در سایت ترجمان هم در این خصوص خواندم:
پ.ن.: جمله بیقراریت از طلب قرار توست/طالب بیقرار شو تا که قرارت آیدت(مولوی)
The idea of middle age as a time of crisis is relatively new � but there are reasons to believe it’s accurate.
It was 1965, and Elliot Jaques, an influential social scientist and psychoanalyst, had noticed an interesting trend. While studying the lives of famous figures and talking with his patients, Jaques had found that middle age often proved to be a transformative period in their lives.
Take the great Italian poet Dante, for example. To use his own metaphor, Dante found himself “lost in a dark woods� at age 35 � right before he began writing the Divine Comedy. Michelangelo, to name another Italian genius, actually painted next to nothing between the ages of 40 and 55.
Struck by the importance of middle age for great artists and ordinary people alike, Jaques wrote a groundbreaking essay that coined an intriguing term. The essay’s title was “Death and the Mid-Life Crisis� � and with its publication, the term “midlife crisis� suddenly began to spread.
The key message here is: The idea of middle age as a time of crisis is relatively new � but there are reasons to believe it’s accurate.
By now, the characteristics of a midlife crisis are familiar to most of us. And although not everyone ends up buying a motorcycle, changing careers, or getting a divorce, many people are struck by a newfound sense of dissatisfaction around the age of 40.
Why? Well, when we reach middle age, we often have to acknowledge some hard truths. For the first time in our lives, we may have to admit that many of our childhood and adolescent dreams are never going to come true.
Instead, we have to make do with our lives as they actually are. And for many of us, this means learning that disappointment and boredom are often pretty hard to avoid.
But beyond these gentle letdowns looms something more serious � it’s at this age that many people first really grasp their own mortality. Even when we’re young, we know that death is inevitable, of course. But middle age, with its backaches, wrinkles, and health scares, can make our sense of mortality feel a lot more concrete and urgent.
And it’s not just a hunch that midlife can leave us feeling dissatisfied � a robust body of scholarly work actually bears out this observation. In 2008, two economists named David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald conducted a study of lifetime well-being; they found that our levels of happiness tend to form a U-shape over the course of our lives. That is, we start out fairly happy, grow somewhat dissatisfied in middle age, and then begin to cheer up again in our older years.
Luckily, this process isn’t inevitable � and there are a number of philosophical insights that can make midlife easier to bear.
......
.......
Learn to love the process � not the goal.
A feeling of dissatisfaction overtakes many of us in middle age once the goals we’ve pursued for decades are, at long last, achieved.
Just think of the last time you got something you really desired. Maybe it was a promotion at work. Maybe it was a luxurious holiday. Whatever it was, you probably felt a surge of pure joy when you first realized it was within your grasp. After all your work and all of your patience, you’d finally won out.
But once that lovely, initial wave of delight subsided, what happened next? If you’re like most people, you probably soon found yourself just as dissatisfied as you had been before.
This insight was central to the philosophy of Arthur Schopenhauer, one of the world’s most formidable pessimists.
The key message here is: Learn to love the process � not the goal.
Whether it’s becoming a partner at your law firm or marrying the man of your dreams, you’ve probably achieved a few happy milestones by midlife. So why, then, do so many of us find ourselves asking, “Is this it?”�
Schopenhauer’s advice was to give up on desires altogether. After all, when our wishes are unfulfilled, we experience a kind of suffering. And even when we do get what we want, we’re only very briefly satisfied. The better option, Schopenhauer thought, would be to simply stop desiring.
But we don’t have to agree with him. Instead, we can draw a distinction between two types of activities. One type aims at completion � things like writing a book, getting a promotion, or getting married all aim at certain finished states. It’s these types of activities that often leave us feeling disappointed and unsatisfied.
We can call them telic, from the Greek word telos, meaning “end.� The other type of activities is atelic, or “without end.� You can stop talking to your friends, for example, and you can stop sailing � but you can’t “complete� these things like you’d complete your tax returns.
When you engage with telic, end-focused activities, each success eliminates a desire � another article published, another meal cooked, another deadline met. This sense of routine box-ticking can be profoundly deadening over time.
The solution is to make more time for atelic activities, like listening to music, spending time with friends and family, and going on long, rambling walks. Even more simply, you can just change your attitude toward everyday life. Instead of keeping your eye on the prize, pay attention to the process itself � and in time, you might find yourself enjoying it.
* blinkist.com
مطالعه بیشتر:
همه ما دیر یا زود در میانسالی بین 35 تا 40 سالگی به بحران میانسالی یا ورود به جنگلی تاریک دچار میشویم که بر اساس مطالعاتی در سال 2008توسط دو محقق در اوج و فرود زندگی ما بشکل حرف" یو" انگیسی قابل تصور هست که به نوعی پرسش ما از دستاوردهای ما و معنای زندگی هم هست. این کتاب با طرح دیدگاه فیلسوفان برای گذر آرام از این دوران توصیه هایی هم می کند
* midlife crisis : U-shaped crisis
غالباً میانسال� را دورها� حسرتبا� و غمافز� تصویر کردهان�. دورانی که در آن شور و هیجان دوران جوانی دیگر تمام شده، آرزوهایمان از دست رفته و حس میکنی� زندگی� با شیبی ملایم رو به افول میرو�. اما بسیاری از افراد در این ساله� شوقِ معنویِ تازها� در وجود خود احساس میکنن�. میلی درونی که معنای زندگی در جهان را برایشان عوض میکن� و آنه� را به تجارب روحی تازها� میکشان�. تجاربی که گویا به همان اندازۀ ماجراجوییها� دوران جوانی عمیق و خوشایند است.
مهم نیست سر از کجا در میآورید� جستوجو� معنوی میتوان� یکی از بزرگتری� لذتها� زندگی باشد
مقاله ای در سایت ترجمان هم در این خصوص خواندم:
پ.ن.: جمله بیقراریت از طلب قرار توست/طالب بیقرار شو تا که قرارت آیدت(مولوی)
The idea of middle age as a time of crisis is relatively new � but there are reasons to believe it’s accurate.
It was 1965, and Elliot Jaques, an influential social scientist and psychoanalyst, had noticed an interesting trend. While studying the lives of famous figures and talking with his patients, Jaques had found that middle age often proved to be a transformative period in their lives.
Take the great Italian poet Dante, for example. To use his own metaphor, Dante found himself “lost in a dark woods� at age 35 � right before he began writing the Divine Comedy. Michelangelo, to name another Italian genius, actually painted next to nothing between the ages of 40 and 55.
Struck by the importance of middle age for great artists and ordinary people alike, Jaques wrote a groundbreaking essay that coined an intriguing term. The essay’s title was “Death and the Mid-Life Crisis� � and with its publication, the term “midlife crisis� suddenly began to spread.
The key message here is: The idea of middle age as a time of crisis is relatively new � but there are reasons to believe it’s accurate.
By now, the characteristics of a midlife crisis are familiar to most of us. And although not everyone ends up buying a motorcycle, changing careers, or getting a divorce, many people are struck by a newfound sense of dissatisfaction around the age of 40.
Why? Well, when we reach middle age, we often have to acknowledge some hard truths. For the first time in our lives, we may have to admit that many of our childhood and adolescent dreams are never going to come true.
Instead, we have to make do with our lives as they actually are. And for many of us, this means learning that disappointment and boredom are often pretty hard to avoid.
But beyond these gentle letdowns looms something more serious � it’s at this age that many people first really grasp their own mortality. Even when we’re young, we know that death is inevitable, of course. But middle age, with its backaches, wrinkles, and health scares, can make our sense of mortality feel a lot more concrete and urgent.
And it’s not just a hunch that midlife can leave us feeling dissatisfied � a robust body of scholarly work actually bears out this observation. In 2008, two economists named David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald conducted a study of lifetime well-being; they found that our levels of happiness tend to form a U-shape over the course of our lives. That is, we start out fairly happy, grow somewhat dissatisfied in middle age, and then begin to cheer up again in our older years.
Luckily, this process isn’t inevitable � and there are a number of philosophical insights that can make midlife easier to bear.
......
.......
Learn to love the process � not the goal.
A feeling of dissatisfaction overtakes many of us in middle age once the goals we’ve pursued for decades are, at long last, achieved.
Just think of the last time you got something you really desired. Maybe it was a promotion at work. Maybe it was a luxurious holiday. Whatever it was, you probably felt a surge of pure joy when you first realized it was within your grasp. After all your work and all of your patience, you’d finally won out.
But once that lovely, initial wave of delight subsided, what happened next? If you’re like most people, you probably soon found yourself just as dissatisfied as you had been before.
This insight was central to the philosophy of Arthur Schopenhauer, one of the world’s most formidable pessimists.
The key message here is: Learn to love the process � not the goal.
Whether it’s becoming a partner at your law firm or marrying the man of your dreams, you’ve probably achieved a few happy milestones by midlife. So why, then, do so many of us find ourselves asking, “Is this it?”�
Schopenhauer’s advice was to give up on desires altogether. After all, when our wishes are unfulfilled, we experience a kind of suffering. And even when we do get what we want, we’re only very briefly satisfied. The better option, Schopenhauer thought, would be to simply stop desiring.
But we don’t have to agree with him. Instead, we can draw a distinction between two types of activities. One type aims at completion � things like writing a book, getting a promotion, or getting married all aim at certain finished states. It’s these types of activities that often leave us feeling disappointed and unsatisfied.
We can call them telic, from the Greek word telos, meaning “end.� The other type of activities is atelic, or “without end.� You can stop talking to your friends, for example, and you can stop sailing � but you can’t “complete� these things like you’d complete your tax returns.
When you engage with telic, end-focused activities, each success eliminates a desire � another article published, another meal cooked, another deadline met. This sense of routine box-ticking can be profoundly deadening over time.
The solution is to make more time for atelic activities, like listening to music, spending time with friends and family, and going on long, rambling walks. Even more simply, you can just change your attitude toward everyday life. Instead of keeping your eye on the prize, pay attention to the process itself � and in time, you might find yourself enjoying it.
* blinkist.com
مطالعه بیشتر:
November 1, 2022
My rating is very subjective because this book hit home for me. It might not for you. This is also less of a review and more of a self-reflective summary.
As someone who is entering their mid-40s and has decided to go on a career break for an unspecified amount of time, this book resonated big time. Though not for all dimensions.
It starts by describing the midlife crisis as not a crisis. It's primarily a set of circumstances that can only occur in ones midlife. The book describes what these circumstances are and provides guidance on how to sort through them.
There's a large focus on regret and counter-factual thinking. Thankfully, that's not something I suffer from. Perhaps because I've had a great life and don't believe I've done any direct harm that I would regret. I'm content with uncertainty and enjoy thinking probabilistically (thanks and ).
I'm happy that I read about transformational change (thanks ) which provides a good framework on where Decision Theory falls flat which this author doesn't cover very well. There's different systems at play between picking a cereal to eat, a car to purchase, and a career path to follow (thanks ).
The key takeaway was doubling down on the concept of Process vs Product (or Telic and Atelic as the author labels them. Telic is a way of describing things that have an end in mind. Atelic is the opposite of that. For example, commuting to work is a telic activity. Going for a stroll isn't. I felt that comparison right away. When I walk to work, I walk with purpose. I usually walk too fast, and get annoyed easily by blockers in my way. When going for a stroll, where I choose randomly which direction to go, I'm in the moment. Savoring the activity. Atelic activities are all about living in that moment.
What's interesting is that telic activities that are loved are somewhat depressing because the goal is to end that much loved activity.
Something I'm learning in my own midlife is the gradual shift to more telic activities. I feel that my career has migrated to more telic activities as well. I'm starting to resent product management, the software delivery process, and the constant drive to build more and more. In recent years, I found a love for maintenance, which I now understand is a somewhat atelic activity. My favorite engineering activities to do these days are repave my machines and tinker on my raspberry pi. No goals, simply enjoying the work for works sake. I wonder if this is what drives a lot of open source software (and the demise as they navigate from being atelic pursuits to telic goal driven projects).
In the conclusion the author mentions that paying attention to the How is more rewarding than the What. This has been a tension in me in my professional life. With companies attempting to be more outcome focused, the "how" question is dismissed. I think this is why I respect the band Rush so much. Not because of what they are, but how they got there. It's why I'm so adamant about writing software with tests, in pairs, and with an eye on maintenance.
Meditation is another excellent atelic activity.
I'm not sure if this is a fare connection, but I feel fostering positive habits is bridging atelic activities in the now to support telic goals of the future (thanks ). I don't plan on setting reading goal targets in ŷ in the future. It's not a good proxy metric. Reading a concrete number of books isn't that meaningful. I aspire to acquire knowledge, learn from other peoples experiences, and to immerse myself in fantastical worlds. How does "Scott read 10 books in 2022" communicate that? The irony is that this is the 10th book I read this year :-D (which is my ŷ goal)
Being less inquisitive of other people's activities is another takeaway. Let people do what people do without interrogation. I don't want to transform someone's joyous atelic activity into a goal orientated telic one.
I learned about the author and the book from an episode of Econtalk (). The interview is probably a good substitute for the book.
Nothing from the book felt new or profound to me. But what it provided was a cohesive thought and summary of a lot of life's concepts. My takeaway is that I let the telic treadmill take over and lost the atelic pursuits. Now that I've resigned from my job, I look to explore the atelic world that helped me flourish in the past (I don't believe this is nostalgia talking).
As someone who is entering their mid-40s and has decided to go on a career break for an unspecified amount of time, this book resonated big time. Though not for all dimensions.
It starts by describing the midlife crisis as not a crisis. It's primarily a set of circumstances that can only occur in ones midlife. The book describes what these circumstances are and provides guidance on how to sort through them.
There's a large focus on regret and counter-factual thinking. Thankfully, that's not something I suffer from. Perhaps because I've had a great life and don't believe I've done any direct harm that I would regret. I'm content with uncertainty and enjoy thinking probabilistically (thanks and ).
I'm happy that I read about transformational change (thanks ) which provides a good framework on where Decision Theory falls flat which this author doesn't cover very well. There's different systems at play between picking a cereal to eat, a car to purchase, and a career path to follow (thanks ).
The key takeaway was doubling down on the concept of Process vs Product (or Telic and Atelic as the author labels them. Telic is a way of describing things that have an end in mind. Atelic is the opposite of that. For example, commuting to work is a telic activity. Going for a stroll isn't. I felt that comparison right away. When I walk to work, I walk with purpose. I usually walk too fast, and get annoyed easily by blockers in my way. When going for a stroll, where I choose randomly which direction to go, I'm in the moment. Savoring the activity. Atelic activities are all about living in that moment.
What's interesting is that telic activities that are loved are somewhat depressing because the goal is to end that much loved activity.
Something I'm learning in my own midlife is the gradual shift to more telic activities. I feel that my career has migrated to more telic activities as well. I'm starting to resent product management, the software delivery process, and the constant drive to build more and more. In recent years, I found a love for maintenance, which I now understand is a somewhat atelic activity. My favorite engineering activities to do these days are repave my machines and tinker on my raspberry pi. No goals, simply enjoying the work for works sake. I wonder if this is what drives a lot of open source software (and the demise as they navigate from being atelic pursuits to telic goal driven projects).
In the conclusion the author mentions that paying attention to the How is more rewarding than the What. This has been a tension in me in my professional life. With companies attempting to be more outcome focused, the "how" question is dismissed. I think this is why I respect the band Rush so much. Not because of what they are, but how they got there. It's why I'm so adamant about writing software with tests, in pairs, and with an eye on maintenance.
Meditation is another excellent atelic activity.
I'm not sure if this is a fare connection, but I feel fostering positive habits is bridging atelic activities in the now to support telic goals of the future (thanks ). I don't plan on setting reading goal targets in ŷ in the future. It's not a good proxy metric. Reading a concrete number of books isn't that meaningful. I aspire to acquire knowledge, learn from other peoples experiences, and to immerse myself in fantastical worlds. How does "Scott read 10 books in 2022" communicate that? The irony is that this is the 10th book I read this year :-D (which is my ŷ goal)
Being less inquisitive of other people's activities is another takeaway. Let people do what people do without interrogation. I don't want to transform someone's joyous atelic activity into a goal orientated telic one.
I learned about the author and the book from an episode of Econtalk (). The interview is probably a good substitute for the book.
Nothing from the book felt new or profound to me. But what it provided was a cohesive thought and summary of a lot of life's concepts. My takeaway is that I let the telic treadmill take over and lost the atelic pursuits. Now that I've resigned from my job, I look to explore the atelic world that helped me flourish in the past (I don't believe this is nostalgia talking).
May 4, 2021
Solo si te gusta mucho la filosofía porque no es amigable ni práctico.
December 14, 2024
مصطلح طالما سمعنا عنه وهو "أزمة منتصف العمر"، وهو سن ما بعد الأربعين تقريبًا؛ ويتميز بالمزاج المتقلب والقرارات المتخبطة والخاطئة. وهذه دراسة فلسفية عن تلك الأزمة وملخصها:
يبدأ الكتاب بتعريف المنحنى U وفي جوفه تكون الحياة قاسية وكئيبة. أيضًا أقترح قاعدتين لتفادي تلك الأزمة أولا: عدم الإفراط في الأنانية، السعي المحموم للسعادة يتعارض مع بلوغها. ثانيًا: الإفساح في حياتك للقيمة الوجودية وتحسين جودة حياتك بالأنشطة المرغوبة المحبوبة والاستغناء عن التي لا تلبي أحتياجاتك.
البحث عن بديل ما ضاع منك في فترة الشباب وما فات منها، حيث الخيارات مهمة ولكنها لا تكفي للتعويض عن النتائج المرغوبة. هناك وسائل يمكنك من خلالها أن تتصالح مع إخفاقات الماضي وبدون أحلام وأوهام خادعة.
التكيف مع حياتك الجديدة والعزوف عن المخاطرة. إذا كان منتصف العمر وقتًا للالتفات للماضي، فهو أيضًا وقت لمواجهة حدود المستقبل.
إن التحدي في منتصف العمر لا يكون في التأقلم مع الماضي أو المستقبل، وإنما مع خواء الحاضر، وتأجيل الإشباع أو فات أوانه، والسعي الدائم للإنسان يدمر حياته. كما أن الانغماس في المشاريع الانتهائة يستدعي إنهائها وبالتالي نزع المعنى من حياتك.
وباقي الكتاب يعج بتلك النصائح والتي وجدتها ككتب التنمية البشرية أكثر منها فلسفية، والكثير من المراجع والهوامش.
"حدث نفسك بهذا: في حين أن هناك أسباب تدعو المرء إلى تغيير حياته، كالوظائف المحبطة، والعلاقات الزوجية الفاشلة، وسوء الحالة الصحية، فإن جاذبية التغيير في حد ذاته قد تكون مضللة. فكر مرتين قبل أن تهدم بيتك؛ هل تنفر من الفراغ داخله؟ أم من كونه محاطًا بالجدران؟"
يبدأ الكتاب بتعريف المنحنى U وفي جوفه تكون الحياة قاسية وكئيبة. أيضًا أقترح قاعدتين لتفادي تلك الأزمة أولا: عدم الإفراط في الأنانية، السعي المحموم للسعادة يتعارض مع بلوغها. ثانيًا: الإفساح في حياتك للقيمة الوجودية وتحسين جودة حياتك بالأنشطة المرغوبة المحبوبة والاستغناء عن التي لا تلبي أحتياجاتك.
البحث عن بديل ما ضاع منك في فترة الشباب وما فات منها، حيث الخيارات مهمة ولكنها لا تكفي للتعويض عن النتائج المرغوبة. هناك وسائل يمكنك من خلالها أن تتصالح مع إخفاقات الماضي وبدون أحلام وأوهام خادعة.
التكيف مع حياتك الجديدة والعزوف عن المخاطرة. إذا كان منتصف العمر وقتًا للالتفات للماضي، فهو أيضًا وقت لمواجهة حدود المستقبل.
إن التحدي في منتصف العمر لا يكون في التأقلم مع الماضي أو المستقبل، وإنما مع خواء الحاضر، وتأجيل الإشباع أو فات أوانه، والسعي الدائم للإنسان يدمر حياته. كما أن الانغماس في المشاريع الانتهائة يستدعي إنهائها وبالتالي نزع المعنى من حياتك.
وباقي الكتاب يعج بتلك النصائح والتي وجدتها ككتب التنمية البشرية أكثر منها فلسفية، والكثير من المراجع والهوامش.
"حدث نفسك بهذا: في حين أن هناك أسباب تدعو المرء إلى تغيير حياته، كالوظائف المحبطة، والعلاقات الزوجية الفاشلة، وسوء الحالة الصحية، فإن جاذبية التغيير في حد ذاته قد تكون مضللة. فكر مرتين قبل أن تهدم بيتك؛ هل تنفر من الفراغ داخله؟ أم من كونه محاطًا بالجدران؟"
June 2, 2018
I found this philosophical self-help/self-helpish work of philosophy on the perils of midlife quite charming. Satiya tackles major questions of midlife (or any time of life) like whether what we do has value, regret for missed paths/wrong choices, mortality, being trapped on the project treadmill, and considers how philosophy can help us answer or cope with them. The pleasure is more in the journey, the discussion of the ideas, than in the conclusions, which are unsurprising: mindfulness can help you learn to focus on the atelic, in the moment value of your activities rather than always looking back or forward. (It’s not bad advice, but nothing new). He makes the philosophy accessible, and has a dorky, self-deprecating sense of humour.
I thought the major drawback or missing piece was that this is a work by a privileged man with a good life (something he acknowledges). The type of regret he addresses is “I should have risked a career in music instead of becoming a lawyer.� What about regrets for real mistakes, things we’ve done wrong that hurt not just us but others? Most people don’t make it to midlife without some of those, and he doesn’t really tackle how you can reconcile yourself to those. So the scope is limited, but what’s here I enjoyed.
I thought the major drawback or missing piece was that this is a work by a privileged man with a good life (something he acknowledges). The type of regret he addresses is “I should have risked a career in music instead of becoming a lawyer.� What about regrets for real mistakes, things we’ve done wrong that hurt not just us but others? Most people don’t make it to midlife without some of those, and he doesn’t really tackle how you can reconcile yourself to those. So the scope is limited, but what’s here I enjoyed.
September 8, 2019
Kieran Setiya é professor de filosofia no MIT e escreveu o livro “Midlife: A Philosophical Guide� (2017) que se tornou uma espécie bestseller no tema das crises existenciais da meia-idade. Li o artigo que deu origem ao livro (passei depois os olhos pelo livro mas acrescentava pouco mais) e deixo aqui as linhas principais defendidas pelo autor, sendo que a razão que me levou a realizar esta partilha é de que a conclusão maior vai contra tudo aquilo que tenho feito e estudado nas última décadas. E o pior é que conhecendo tão bem como conheço o modo de organização da vida no formato narrativo, tendo a dar a razão a Setiya. Diz-nos ele que não podemos resolver a crise se continuarmos a tentar construir histórias sobre aquilo que fomos, somos ou queremos ser. Para Setiya, o problema assenta na diferença entre o valor atribuído ao que fazemos, entre o télico e atélico, ou seja, entre "ter um fim" ou ser simplesmente "interminável".
Continua no blog em .
Continua no blog em .
January 4, 2023
This was philosophically interesting but thin on its applicability to my own life. Setiya takes great care in this book to sketch out philosophically useful approaches that apply to highly successful and talented people whose lives have been filled with mostly good things and who do not believe in a transcendent reality beyond this world. His book is written for that group. If you are, like me, a religious believer who does find prayer something that is both, in Setiya's terminology, telic (end-driven) and atelic (unfinished and existentially valuable for itself) and if you have faith in a reality after death, then this is not the book for you. I don't want to criticize him too harshly if I don't share his big assumptions about the world--this book is, as I said, philosophically interesting and I found things to think about here. But I will say that his examples of people hitting midlife regret--the woman who becomes a lawyer instead of a musician or Setiya himself who becomes a philosopher instead of a doctor--assume a huge set of positive assets that many people do not have. I suspect that many people's bad feelings in middle age are not centered around the fact that they chose to become a lawyer or a philosopher but that they came to the understanding of their own frailties. I regret that I don't write more scholarly articles, but I understand about myself, at middle-age, that I do not have the stamina or the drive to stay up late at night to do this alongside of my full-time university teaching position. Some of my colleagues do have more energy to both teach intensively and also write. I don't. He also doesn't discuss that midlife is just a time when the accumulation of bad things that have happened to one becomes more and more apparent. Through one's youth and early adulthood, one generally is accumulating friendships and opportunities, knowledge, and experience. In middle-life, in my experience, there is a lot of loss: friendships that end, parents who die, job opportunities that dry up. In mid-life, one has to be very intentionally about replenishing one's life. But the losses are real. I will never get my parents back. I will never be the parent to a baby again. I will never be heralded as the young person with new ideas. I will never have knees that don't ache with arthritis. Setiya's examples of loss and regret are not my losses and regrets. Finally, he doesn't take seriously enough moral regret. He briefly mentions that one might regret mistakes. But this seems to be a huge category that is not well-addressed. Again, my religious faith tells me that seeking forgiveness for the wrongs one has done is essential. The idea that mid-life might involve feeling badly about the wrongs one has done is absent from his analysis. With that said, I loved the section on John Stuart Mill whose childhood, crisis, and happy marriage has always fascinated me. I was delighted to discover it here.
October 25, 2022
Este libro terminó siendo una profunda decepción y espero resumirlo en pocas palabras.
Sí, la crisis de la mediana edad como problema filosófico ha recibido poca atención por parte de los filósofos (como acertadamente expone el autor en el primer capítulo). Las razones para esto pueden ser muchas, sin embargo, no sé si esto se debe al descrédito en que la “autoayuda� (y su hijo posmoderno, el “coaching�) han caído en nuestros tiempos.
El autor apuesta a remediar esto apuntalando su propuesta en un diagnóstico, que me parece acertado en varios aspectos (salvo una omisión grave a mi parecer), y en una vía de salvación que puede resumirse en dos aspectos: conciencia plena o “mindfulness� y meditación, mucha meditación, para paliar los aspectos más angustiantes de la vida actual.
¿La omisión grave cuál es? Que no se aboca para nada en un estudio (¡o una simple mención siquiera!) de las condiciones sociales que nos han puesto en buena medida en esta situación. Sin entrar en ningún detalle, el autor hace caso omiso del consumismo descarnado o de la precarización laboral (por poner solo dos cosas sobre la mesa) que gravitan sobre sus coetáneos desde el último cuarto del s. XX. Me deja una sensación de que, como filósofo, su intención no es hacer una crítica —ni siquiera un diagnóstico completo� sino solo decir: «qué terrible es la crisis de la mediana vida en una sociedad industrializada, explotadora y consumista: toma, te recomiendo paliar tus males con un poco de budismo new-age y meditación en tu lugar de trabajo. No te olvides de hacer yoga, colaborar con Green Peace y decir no a los plásticos de un solo uso».
¿Es esta la filosofía del s. XXI?
Sí, la crisis de la mediana edad como problema filosófico ha recibido poca atención por parte de los filósofos (como acertadamente expone el autor en el primer capítulo). Las razones para esto pueden ser muchas, sin embargo, no sé si esto se debe al descrédito en que la “autoayuda� (y su hijo posmoderno, el “coaching�) han caído en nuestros tiempos.
El autor apuesta a remediar esto apuntalando su propuesta en un diagnóstico, que me parece acertado en varios aspectos (salvo una omisión grave a mi parecer), y en una vía de salvación que puede resumirse en dos aspectos: conciencia plena o “mindfulness� y meditación, mucha meditación, para paliar los aspectos más angustiantes de la vida actual.
¿La omisión grave cuál es? Que no se aboca para nada en un estudio (¡o una simple mención siquiera!) de las condiciones sociales que nos han puesto en buena medida en esta situación. Sin entrar en ningún detalle, el autor hace caso omiso del consumismo descarnado o de la precarización laboral (por poner solo dos cosas sobre la mesa) que gravitan sobre sus coetáneos desde el último cuarto del s. XX. Me deja una sensación de que, como filósofo, su intención no es hacer una crítica —ni siquiera un diagnóstico completo� sino solo decir: «qué terrible es la crisis de la mediana vida en una sociedad industrializada, explotadora y consumista: toma, te recomiendo paliar tus males con un poco de budismo new-age y meditación en tu lugar de trabajo. No te olvides de hacer yoga, colaborar con Green Peace y decir no a los plásticos de un solo uso».
¿Es esta la filosofía del s. XXI?
August 8, 2020
در میانسال� احساس میکنی� بلاخره به نوک قله زندگی رسیدهای� و سربالایی تمامنشدن� را طی کردهای� و حالا نوبت سرازیری است. راهی که مرگ در انتهای آن منتظر ما است. در این سن و سال آنقد� زندگی کردهای� که از خودمان بپرسیم: «همها� همین است؟» آنقد� زندگی کردهای� که چند اشتباه جدی مرتکب شده باشیم، با غرور و حسرت به پیروزیه� و شکستها� گذشته نگاه کنیم، به اطراف و فرصتها� از دست رفته نگاه کنیم، زندگیهای� که انتخاب نکردیم و نتوانستیم واردشان شویم، به پیش رو و انتهای زندگی نگاه کنیم، انتهایی که قریبالوقو� نیست ولی خیلی دور هم نیست.
«راهنمای فلسفی مواجهه با میانسالی» نوشته کیر� ستیا بر پرسشها� هستیگرایان� میانسال� تمرکز دارد.
این پرسشه� دربارهٔ فقدان و حسرت هستند، موفقیت و شکست، زندگیا� که رویایش را داشتید و زندگیا� که دارید. این پرسشه� دربارهٔ اخلاقیات و فناپذیری هستند، دربارهٔ پوچی دنبال کردن برنامهها� حال هر برنامها� باشند. دست آخر، این پرسشه� دربارهٔ ماهیت موقتی زندگی انسان و فعالیتهای� است که انجام میده�.
این کتاب تنها برای میانساله� نیست، بلکه برای هرکسی است که با ماهیت تغییرناپذیری چون زمان تعامل دارد.
.
.
پی نوشت:
اریک اریکسون از روانشناسان برجسته رشد، این دوره از زندگی رابا عنوان "بحران مربوط به زایندگی در برابر خود فرورفتگی" نام نهاده است. وی عنوان می کند که در این مرحله افراد نیاز به نوعی احساس زایندگی دارند، زایندگی به معنای نوعی تولید است که اثر آن همواره باقی بماند. بسیاری از میانسالان از یکسو با مشاهده رشد فرزندان خود و از سوی دیگر با احساس مولد بودن در شغل خود، به رضایتمندی می رسند و بدین ترتیب در آنها حس زایندگی شکل می گیرد. از سوی دیگر ناموفق بودن در حل بحران این مرحله ممکن است به احساس در خود فرو رفتگی شدید منجر شود.
«راهنمای فلسفی مواجهه با میانسالی» نوشته کیر� ستیا بر پرسشها� هستیگرایان� میانسال� تمرکز دارد.
این پرسشه� دربارهٔ فقدان و حسرت هستند، موفقیت و شکست، زندگیا� که رویایش را داشتید و زندگیا� که دارید. این پرسشه� دربارهٔ اخلاقیات و فناپذیری هستند، دربارهٔ پوچی دنبال کردن برنامهها� حال هر برنامها� باشند. دست آخر، این پرسشه� دربارهٔ ماهیت موقتی زندگی انسان و فعالیتهای� است که انجام میده�.
این کتاب تنها برای میانساله� نیست، بلکه برای هرکسی است که با ماهیت تغییرناپذیری چون زمان تعامل دارد.
.
.
پی نوشت:
اریک اریکسون از روانشناسان برجسته رشد، این دوره از زندگی رابا عنوان "بحران مربوط به زایندگی در برابر خود فرورفتگی" نام نهاده است. وی عنوان می کند که در این مرحله افراد نیاز به نوعی احساس زایندگی دارند، زایندگی به معنای نوعی تولید است که اثر آن همواره باقی بماند. بسیاری از میانسالان از یکسو با مشاهده رشد فرزندان خود و از سوی دیگر با احساس مولد بودن در شغل خود، به رضایتمندی می رسند و بدین ترتیب در آنها حس زایندگی شکل می گیرد. از سوی دیگر ناموفق بودن در حل بحران این مرحله ممکن است به احساس در خود فرو رفتگی شدید منجر شود.
Read
September 18, 2022A phenomenal coincidence happened as soon as I started reading the book. This book shared an epigraph with the book I had just finished!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And if I am for myself only, what am I?
And if not now, when?" (attributed to the Talmud)
Of all the combinations of books and quotes, what are the chances!
There is indeed a link between Fromm's The Fear of Freedom (the book I had just finished) and this, but we will get into that a bit. This book is Kieran Setiya taking a shot at a philosophical guide for midlife. That time of the life when, even if one can't really complain about how it has turned out thus far, there might be 'something hollow' about doing more of it, and perhaps some regret about the choices made. Nostalgia, apprehension, emptiness, futility, regret, inadequacy and a 'downward slope with the end of the road in sight'. Compared to the earlier stages of life, I have found the literature on this relatively less, so any addition is great!
Setiya first takes us through the history of "midlife crisis" and its place in popular culture, including literature, cinema and even a 1982 board game!
'Is that all there is to it?', is what he goes after in the second chapter. That feeling after achieving one's desires. Avoiding paths that are only for the self and ego, making room for pursuits that benefit others and humanity at large, and not exclusively doing things that are ameliorative (righting a wrong / extinguishing a bad - war, fight against injustice etc) as different from existential (contemplation, art, time with family and friends etc) are ways to overcome this feeling.
In 'Missing Out', as the title suggests, the focus is on choices, paths not taken, mistakes etc. Many choices in life are incommensurable. For example, watching a sunset alone vs spending time with family and friends. How does one avoid regret? Understanding in granularity the consequences of your road not taken, not overestimating the value of options, and comprehending the downside of that nostalgic younger self who had an abundance of choice are all ways to tackle this. The point that what we miss about ourselves at 18 is not the open choices ahead, but the time when we were free from making choices is something I found interesting.
The fourth chapter is about mistakes, and the focus is on the positive aspects of the mistakes. For example, the people and experiences in your current life that would be lost if you had made a different choice. The texture of life that would have been lost, and the unknowns in the 'other life' play a part here. Death is the subject in the next chapter, something that I couldn't relate to because I have taken it as a given. But there is some excellent framing here that can help you reconcile to the inevitability.
The biggest challenge, as he rightly points out, is not the past or future, but living in the present. And that's the last chapter, the one I found to be the most useful, especially the telic/atelic framing. Telic refers to goals/milestones and even activities with a specific desired end. A simple example would walking to a store and back (telic) and just going for a walk (atelic). The author brings up the origins of this goal-based and efficiency mindset in Puritanism, an area that Fromm's book spends quite some time on. If you think about it, midlife is when a lot of telic goals would have been met - whether it's around fame, money, or love. And that brings up the crisis of what life is all about. Ergo, focusing on atelic activities is a good way to address this. I was reminded of Fromm's "There is only one meaning of life: the act of living itself".
It is impossible to get a specific answer to one's midlife 'troubles', but Setiya uses a vast toolkit - pop culture, philosophers from Buddha to Schopenhauer and everyone in between, and his own life and experiences - to provide not just philosophical consolations but practical tips that are very accessible. At 160 pages, I don't see a downside to reading this especially if you're in your 40s/50s.
P.S. It is fascinating to see two books separated by almost eight decades approaching this human condition in different contexts, and a neat coincidence that I read them one after the other.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And if I am for myself only, what am I?
And if not now, when?" (attributed to the Talmud)
Of all the combinations of books and quotes, what are the chances!
There is indeed a link between Fromm's The Fear of Freedom (the book I had just finished) and this, but we will get into that a bit. This book is Kieran Setiya taking a shot at a philosophical guide for midlife. That time of the life when, even if one can't really complain about how it has turned out thus far, there might be 'something hollow' about doing more of it, and perhaps some regret about the choices made. Nostalgia, apprehension, emptiness, futility, regret, inadequacy and a 'downward slope with the end of the road in sight'. Compared to the earlier stages of life, I have found the literature on this relatively less, so any addition is great!
Setiya first takes us through the history of "midlife crisis" and its place in popular culture, including literature, cinema and even a 1982 board game!
'Is that all there is to it?', is what he goes after in the second chapter. That feeling after achieving one's desires. Avoiding paths that are only for the self and ego, making room for pursuits that benefit others and humanity at large, and not exclusively doing things that are ameliorative (righting a wrong / extinguishing a bad - war, fight against injustice etc) as different from existential (contemplation, art, time with family and friends etc) are ways to overcome this feeling.
In 'Missing Out', as the title suggests, the focus is on choices, paths not taken, mistakes etc. Many choices in life are incommensurable. For example, watching a sunset alone vs spending time with family and friends. How does one avoid regret? Understanding in granularity the consequences of your road not taken, not overestimating the value of options, and comprehending the downside of that nostalgic younger self who had an abundance of choice are all ways to tackle this. The point that what we miss about ourselves at 18 is not the open choices ahead, but the time when we were free from making choices is something I found interesting.
The fourth chapter is about mistakes, and the focus is on the positive aspects of the mistakes. For example, the people and experiences in your current life that would be lost if you had made a different choice. The texture of life that would have been lost, and the unknowns in the 'other life' play a part here. Death is the subject in the next chapter, something that I couldn't relate to because I have taken it as a given. But there is some excellent framing here that can help you reconcile to the inevitability.
The biggest challenge, as he rightly points out, is not the past or future, but living in the present. And that's the last chapter, the one I found to be the most useful, especially the telic/atelic framing. Telic refers to goals/milestones and even activities with a specific desired end. A simple example would walking to a store and back (telic) and just going for a walk (atelic). The author brings up the origins of this goal-based and efficiency mindset in Puritanism, an area that Fromm's book spends quite some time on. If you think about it, midlife is when a lot of telic goals would have been met - whether it's around fame, money, or love. And that brings up the crisis of what life is all about. Ergo, focusing on atelic activities is a good way to address this. I was reminded of Fromm's "There is only one meaning of life: the act of living itself".
It is impossible to get a specific answer to one's midlife 'troubles', but Setiya uses a vast toolkit - pop culture, philosophers from Buddha to Schopenhauer and everyone in between, and his own life and experiences - to provide not just philosophical consolations but practical tips that are very accessible. At 160 pages, I don't see a downside to reading this especially if you're in your 40s/50s.
P.S. It is fascinating to see two books separated by almost eight decades approaching this human condition in different contexts, and a neat coincidence that I read them one after the other.
May 21, 2024
Yaşdaşlarım, 1 yaş küçüklerim, 1 yaş büyüklerim, kısaca 46 yaş civarı arkadaşlarım, bugün size güzel haberlerle geldim. Yaşadığınız göreceli mutsuzluk dönemi geçecek. Öyle diyor MIT'den felsefe profesörü Kieran Setiya. 46 yaş, U-eğrisinin dibiymiş. Ben 46 yaşımın son günlerinde çıkış gördüğüm için hak verdim ve bu yüzden paylaşmak istedim.
Evet, gelecek günlerimiz aydınlık. Dibi gördük artık kalan değerli zamanımızda günümüzü gün edeceğiz. Nasıl mı? Kitabın son bölümünde anlatıyor, spoiler verip tadını kaçırmak istemem ama şimdiden söyleyeyim "gününü gün etmek" motor alıp partilemeyi ya da boşanıp taşınmayı içermiyor. Yazar bu konuda çok net. Daha girişte;
"Orta yaş, her ne kadar öyle hissetirse de, çoğumuz için yeni bir şeye başlamak için fazla geç değildir. Düşündüğünüzden daha fazla vaktiniz var. Bununla beraber, 50 yaşında kariyer değişimi veya 45 yaşında bekar olmak hakkında pratik tavsiyeler için danışılabilecek başka kitaplar var"
diyerek çizgisini çekiyor. Ve daha ziyade, orta yaşa ayak uydurma taktikleri veriyor. Bunun için Aristoteles, Schopenhauer, John Stuart Mill, Virginia Woolf, Simone de Beauvoir ve John Berger gibi felsefecilerden ve edebiyatçılardan ilham alıyor.
Evet, ortalama hayat memnuniyeti 46 yaşında en düşük seviyede oluyormuş. Tabii işin içinde istatistik olunca bunlar hep ortalama değerler; ortamda bir U-eğrisi veya ters-U-eğrisi varsa her zaman sapkın değerler de olacaktır. Biz şimdi bu yaş grubunda olup da hayatı kararan ortalama grupla devam edelim.
Orta yaşın memnuniyetsizliği oluşturan 3 ana eksen tanımlıyor Setiya. Birincisi, geçmişe duyulan özlem; ikincisi, geleceğin kısıtlamaları; üçüncüsü de, "orta yaşın anlaşılması en zor problemi" olarak tanımladığı şu anın boşluğuyla, tatminin ertelenmiş veya geride bırakılmış olduğu hissiyle başa çıkma zorluğu.
Geçmişe duyulan özlem problemini tartışırken Joshua Ferris'in "Makul Bir Saatte Yeniden Uyansam" kitabındaki karaktere referans veriyor ve sunduğu argümanlarla size bölümün sonunda "yok uyanmasam" dedirtmeyi başarıyor.
Geçmişe duyulan özlem probleminin bir kısmı, asla yürümeyeceğimiz yollar, asla yaşamayacağımız hayatlar bile olsa, o seçeneklere sahip olduğumuz günlere özlemken diğer bir kısmı da daha genç halimizi kıskanmaktır. Setiya bu duyguyla başetmek için öyle güzel fikirler sunmuş ki aynaya bakıp bakıp gülümsüyorum:
"Artık çoktan yok olmuş olan genç vücudunuzun imgesi nostalji uyandırıyorsa, 1996'dan kalan fotoğraflara baktığınızda o yüze imreniyorsanız, size verebileceğim en iyi tavsiye, şimdiden hasret çekmenizdir. Nora Ephron'un yazdığı gibi, "Otuz beş yaşınızda vücudunuzda beğenmediğiniz yerlere, kırk beş yaşınızda özlemle bakacaksınız." Önden nostaljik hissetme yöntemi: Aynadaki suratınız, bugün içinde bulunduğunuz vücudunuz hakkında on ya da yirmi sene sonra geri dönüp baktığınızda nasıl hissedeceğinizi düşünün. Daha kötüsü olabilirdi ve olacaktır."
Setiya, orta yaşın geçmişle hesaplaşma zamanı olduğu kadar aynı zamanda aşağıya doğru ineceğimiz yokuşun da zirvesi olduğu için hazin sonla yüzleşmemizin de tam zamanı olduğunu söylüyor. Ölüm konusunu zamansal tarafsızlık tutumu ve başka birtakım fikirlerle tartıştıktan sonra şimdiki zamana geliyor. Bu kısımda da bizi şu anda yaptığımız iş ve uğraşlarımızla, edindiğimiz rollerle barıştırıp mutlu ve huzurlu bir orta yaş kafasına sokuyor. Daha fazla yazmak isterdim ama kitabın tadını kaçırmak istemem, o yüzden burada bitiriyorum.
Yalnızca 70 TL ve 4 saat 35 dakika (İngilizce auidobook versiyonunun süresi - çevirisi pek iyi olmadığı için imkanınız varsa daha iyi olabilir) vererek eşinizi, işinizi veya şehrinizi değiştirmeden orta yaş krizini atlatmanız mümkün. Tavsiye ederim.
October 1, 2022
This is great...
Two things will help prevent mid-life malaise:
1) Care about something other than yourself.
2) In your job, your relationships, your spare time, you must make room for activities with existential value.
- The midlife "crisis" is not a sign that something is missing. It's a totally predictable phase. In longitudinal studies, there is a u-shaped curve in happiness/life-satisfaction. Peak unhappiness is at roughly 46, and happiness predictably increases year over year as we age past our late 40's.
- We often look back longingly at our young adult life. The world was our oyster. We feel like we could have done ANYTHING. In our 40s and 50s, that no longer feels like the case. We often regret our early-life choices and wish we could go back and choose a different path. But no matter which path path we choose (spouse and vocation are big ones), we will likely look back and feel angst at the choice we didn't make. This regret is totally predictable. We tend to think that everything associated with the other choice would be rosy. That's obviously not true. What if's are totally natural, and would we really want to NOT have what ifs? Do we wish we DIDN'T have choices? Obviously not. The fact we had (and have) options is a sign of a rich life. Kieran often wishes he chose the path of a doctor rather than that of a philosophy professor. But we can frame our bad decisions or regretted decisions as precursors to positive outcomes. If Kieran chose the path of doctor rather than philosopher, he wouldn't have met his wife and had his son. So even though he sorta wishes he had made a different careet decision, he would not go back and change it if he could.
Biggest takeaway... We achievers need to recognize our telic vs atelic pursuits. Telic pursuites are those whose purpose is completing them (doing the dishes, training for an event, building a fence, one's job). Atelic activities are done for the sake of doing them, not for the sake of completing them (leisurely walk, visiting with friends, watching a sunset). Lives need to have a good mix of telic and atelic activities because as soon as a telic activity is complete, there's the question, "What's my next project?" The feeling of satisfaction is instantly gone, and it can only be revived by a new pursuit (it's much like seeking satisfaction in "things"... As soon as the thing is in your possession, we adapt and instantly need yet another new thing to satisfy our urges. We can frame telic activities as atelic if we can embrace the process, and mindfulness is a good way to do this...
Nice job, Kieran!
Two things will help prevent mid-life malaise:
1) Care about something other than yourself.
2) In your job, your relationships, your spare time, you must make room for activities with existential value.
- The midlife "crisis" is not a sign that something is missing. It's a totally predictable phase. In longitudinal studies, there is a u-shaped curve in happiness/life-satisfaction. Peak unhappiness is at roughly 46, and happiness predictably increases year over year as we age past our late 40's.
- We often look back longingly at our young adult life. The world was our oyster. We feel like we could have done ANYTHING. In our 40s and 50s, that no longer feels like the case. We often regret our early-life choices and wish we could go back and choose a different path. But no matter which path path we choose (spouse and vocation are big ones), we will likely look back and feel angst at the choice we didn't make. This regret is totally predictable. We tend to think that everything associated with the other choice would be rosy. That's obviously not true. What if's are totally natural, and would we really want to NOT have what ifs? Do we wish we DIDN'T have choices? Obviously not. The fact we had (and have) options is a sign of a rich life. Kieran often wishes he chose the path of a doctor rather than that of a philosophy professor. But we can frame our bad decisions or regretted decisions as precursors to positive outcomes. If Kieran chose the path of doctor rather than philosopher, he wouldn't have met his wife and had his son. So even though he sorta wishes he had made a different careet decision, he would not go back and change it if he could.
Biggest takeaway... We achievers need to recognize our telic vs atelic pursuits. Telic pursuites are those whose purpose is completing them (doing the dishes, training for an event, building a fence, one's job). Atelic activities are done for the sake of doing them, not for the sake of completing them (leisurely walk, visiting with friends, watching a sunset). Lives need to have a good mix of telic and atelic activities because as soon as a telic activity is complete, there's the question, "What's my next project?" The feeling of satisfaction is instantly gone, and it can only be revived by a new pursuit (it's much like seeking satisfaction in "things"... As soon as the thing is in your possession, we adapt and instantly need yet another new thing to satisfy our urges. We can frame telic activities as atelic if we can embrace the process, and mindfulness is a good way to do this...
Nice job, Kieran!
April 14, 2021
This was a really good and well-written book, and I respect the author’s reflections, but I felt it lacking. Perhaps I didn’t connect with the author because my mid-life experiences are shaped by womanhood, and my cyclical experiences. I think the arguments and reflections could have benefited from exposing the reader to more continental thinkers and more women’s voices. There were some aspects of the book that I connected with, but there were many main points that the author seemed to think were universal experiences/crises and I just couldn’t relate. I, too, experience midlife crises, but they are different in nature than the main ones the author focuses on.
November 27, 2022
While I am not quite at midlife (ok, 20 years short of it), I resonate with some of the struggles one may face during that trying period, such as the fear of mortality (or the ambiguity and uncertainty tied to it) among many others. Setiya attempts to rationalize these difficulties and internal conflicts in a manner that is heavily philosophical, though, frankly, his attempt was largely futile. Nonetheless, I see how this can be a useful tool for those in need of some reflection and, of course, those who are actually at midlife.
December 15, 2023
DNF
40 days of trying to finish this (even though it’s really short) and 55% into the book, I still can’t shake the feeling of reading someone’s rant, or more precisely, someone’s train of thought trying to convince themselves (or not, im really not sure) that being in you late 30s / beginning 40s is okay.
40 days of trying to finish this (even though it’s really short) and 55% into the book, I still can’t shake the feeling of reading someone’s rant, or more precisely, someone’s train of thought trying to convince themselves (or not, im really not sure) that being in you late 30s / beginning 40s is okay.
December 20, 2023
Figured I'd get a head start on my midlife crisis!!!!
July 23, 2024
Midlife is a philosophical "self-help book" about the midlife crisis written by an MIT professor of philosophy. It is kind of what you can expect: quoting authors and philosophers, abstruse language, and some witty comments in parenthesis. It was "OK," but I would recommend . There were some good take-aways tho:
1. Why does the midlife crisis occur?
2. There are a lot of different kinds of "value" and "activities" in philosophical terms:
- Instrumental value = something has value because it is the means to an end as opposed to "Final value"
- Ameliorative action = to remove negative as opposed to Existential value, which is to "add positive."
- Telic activities = an activity which is over and exhausted when finished (like "walking home" or "climbing Mt Everest" or "Becoming a doctor") as opposed to Atelic activities (like "taking a walk" or "being in nature" or "helping people.")
- Most things have a price or can be measured (in money), but some things can't (like relationships):
3. Life can seem like a bunch of "missions" and projects you strive for, but that worsens things.
- If all your desires are met, you will feel empty. And, if you don't, you will continuously strive and struggle.
- That emptiness will either make you feel lost or just bored:
Conclusion: To not get bored, feel time is running out, projects are over, or that you are "over the hill" you must be in the now and enjoy atelic activities!
My thoughts after summarizing this:
- Hobbies are great: they are atelic. I will never master pottery, but I enjoy making pots.
- Relationships and family members are great: They have "dignity."
- Working for others to improve is "instrumental," Ameliorative & Existential, and atelic. It is indirect, never over, and removes negative & adds positive.
1. Why does the midlife crisis occur?
Eilliott Jaques published the essay that coined the phrase:
"Death and the Mid-Life Crisis." In dissecting the crisis, Jaques quotes a patient in his mid-thirties:
"Up till now," he said, "life has seemed an endless upward slope, with nothing but the distant horizon in view. Now suddenly I seem to have reached the crest of the hill, and there stretching ahead is the downward slope with the end of the road in sight-far enough away it's true-but there is death observably present at the end."?
2. There are a lot of different kinds of "value" and "activities" in philosophical terms:
- Instrumental value = something has value because it is the means to an end as opposed to "Final value"
- Ameliorative action = to remove negative as opposed to Existential value, which is to "add positive."
- Telic activities = an activity which is over and exhausted when finished (like "walking home" or "climbing Mt Everest" or "Becoming a doctor") as opposed to Atelic activities (like "taking a walk" or "being in nature" or "helping people.")
- Most things have a price or can be measured (in money), but some things can't (like relationships):
What has a price can be replaced by something else as its equivalent; what on the other hand is raised above all price and therefore admits of no equivalent has a dignity. - Kant
3. Life can seem like a bunch of "missions" and projects you strive for, but that worsens things.
- If all your desires are met, you will feel empty. And, if you don't, you will continuously strive and struggle.
- That emptiness will either make you feel lost or just bored:
It turns out that bliss - a second-by-second joy and gratitude at the gift of being alive, conscious—lies on the other side of crushing, crushing boredom. - David Foster Wallace
Conclusion: To not get bored, feel time is running out, projects are over, or that you are "over the hill" you must be in the now and enjoy atelic activities!
The way out is to find sufficient value in atelic activities, activities that have no point of conclusion or limit, ones whose fulfillment lies in the moment of action itself. To draw meaning from such activities is to live in the present—at least in one sense of that loaded phrase - and so to free oneself from the tyranny of projects that plateaus around midlife.
My thoughts after summarizing this:
- Hobbies are great: they are atelic. I will never master pottery, but I enjoy making pots.
- Relationships and family members are great: They have "dignity."
- Working for others to improve is "instrumental," Ameliorative & Existential, and atelic. It is indirect, never over, and removes negative & adds positive.
April 30, 2018
Life is engulfed within a paradox. Kierkegaard gets this best of all. I don’t think the author mentions Kierkegaard but he does mention many other philosophers and uses them to provide context for his telling of a midlife reassessment that is not necessarily characterized as a crisis. He’ll quote Kant to the effect that philosophy is most interested in three questions: 1) what can we know, 2) what should we do, and 3) what is deserving of our hopes? The author always has those questions in the background while he’s telling his story.
There is the ‘paradox of the ego� � the fact that if we only consider ourselves we actualize ourselves less than if we consider others too, a J. S. Mill concept that the author speaks about, or the paradox of our own inevitable dissatisfaction for which Schopenhauer’s dour philosophy outlines and is outlined within this book. At the core of our being and the striving for our meaning through answering of those three questions there are paradoxes inherent in achieving our well being (eudemonia) or happiness or satisfaction or whatever one wants to call our true purpose (telos).
To summarize the message in this book, the author tends towards an existentialism with his ‘no regrets� and becoming trumps being, and that we absolutely own our own choices while the author down plays the existentialist’s ‘anxiety about nothing� that we have from the-being-unto-death absurdity inherent in life leading to a paradox of Being itself. The author also leans toward Buddhist thought except for the denial of the self because he likes the ‘power of the now� � the mindfulness of Eckhart Tolle. He’ll switch the priority of Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics to favor the practical (he’ll say existential) over the contemplation of the divine.
The author is way more intelligent in philosophy then I’ll ever be, but he never wows me in his story telling and I never really had to struggle to keep up with a somewhat familiar telling of a story. As Kierkegaard said, an author must always assume the reader has read other similar books on the topic and needs to tell the reader something they don’t already know in order to make the book worthwhile. This is a very short book with some ‘self help� stuff and in-spite of the self help stuff that always goes wasted on me the author manages to connect different philosophers coherently in his story telling.
There is the ‘paradox of the ego� � the fact that if we only consider ourselves we actualize ourselves less than if we consider others too, a J. S. Mill concept that the author speaks about, or the paradox of our own inevitable dissatisfaction for which Schopenhauer’s dour philosophy outlines and is outlined within this book. At the core of our being and the striving for our meaning through answering of those three questions there are paradoxes inherent in achieving our well being (eudemonia) or happiness or satisfaction or whatever one wants to call our true purpose (telos).
To summarize the message in this book, the author tends towards an existentialism with his ‘no regrets� and becoming trumps being, and that we absolutely own our own choices while the author down plays the existentialist’s ‘anxiety about nothing� that we have from the-being-unto-death absurdity inherent in life leading to a paradox of Being itself. The author also leans toward Buddhist thought except for the denial of the self because he likes the ‘power of the now� � the mindfulness of Eckhart Tolle. He’ll switch the priority of Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics to favor the practical (he’ll say existential) over the contemplation of the divine.
The author is way more intelligent in philosophy then I’ll ever be, but he never wows me in his story telling and I never really had to struggle to keep up with a somewhat familiar telling of a story. As Kierkegaard said, an author must always assume the reader has read other similar books on the topic and needs to tell the reader something they don’t already know in order to make the book worthwhile. This is a very short book with some ‘self help� stuff and in-spite of the self help stuff that always goes wasted on me the author manages to connect different philosophers coherently in his story telling.
November 14, 2020
Years ago I taught a class that covered everything from Plato to Kant and Schopenhauer and beyond, and I will forever remember that class as thrilling and terrifying and oh so rewarding for the sheer fact that it forced me to try to not only make sense of the philosophies for myself, but rather required that I understood them so well that I was able to distill their essence to my students, and for anyone who has ever grappled with philosophy, this isn't an easy task.
And that is perhaps precisely who I loved reading Midlife; Setiya's writing is both intellectually rigorous and yet utterly approachable for those outside of academia. It is a beautiful book that is aimed at those approaching midlife, and yet I have to admit that I wish I had come across this book (although this would be impossible, since it did not yet exist) in my late teens or early twenties. I wish, in other words, that I would have been given insight into what it is that actually leads to a feeling of disappointment as we reach midlife, in order to more proactively shape my life differently. But that is also precisely the way of thinking that Setiya points out is not exactly helpful. Alas, I am a slow learner.
There is a lot of wisdom in this book. I especially liked his discussion of the telic mindset and the need to seek out the atelic, as well as the distinction between work that is ameliorative vs. existential.
Highly recommend to anyone, of any age, whether you are the sort to see the value in evaluating life at the midpoint or not.
And that is perhaps precisely who I loved reading Midlife; Setiya's writing is both intellectually rigorous and yet utterly approachable for those outside of academia. It is a beautiful book that is aimed at those approaching midlife, and yet I have to admit that I wish I had come across this book (although this would be impossible, since it did not yet exist) in my late teens or early twenties. I wish, in other words, that I would have been given insight into what it is that actually leads to a feeling of disappointment as we reach midlife, in order to more proactively shape my life differently. But that is also precisely the way of thinking that Setiya points out is not exactly helpful. Alas, I am a slow learner.
There is a lot of wisdom in this book. I especially liked his discussion of the telic mindset and the need to seek out the atelic, as well as the distinction between work that is ameliorative vs. existential.
Highly recommend to anyone, of any age, whether you are the sort to see the value in evaluating life at the midpoint or not.
Read
April 16, 2024DNF. Science used to be part of philosophy, long ago. I just haven't the patience for this kind of philosophizing. Midlife or not, life is too short.
November 19, 2024
معجبة انا باصدارات دار معنى
.. منتقاة بعناية، وهذا الكتاب ترجمته سلسة وجيدة .
من فينا ينتمي للزمن؟
من منا يعيش اللحظة فلا يصل الى ما يُرف بمنتصف العمر فيندم؟ أو يخاف؟! مما هدر من وقت غالبًا ورعبًا من الموت أكيدًا!
(لايعد منتصف العمر مرحلة متأخرة لبدء شئ جديد برغم أنه يبدو كذلك في كثير من الأحيان، فلا تنخدع بقصر الوقت المصاحب لمنتصف العمر، لأن في عمرك سعة أكثر مما تظن)
هل هناك عمر أمثل ؟ مايخلص إليه المؤلف أنه لا ، فكل ما نحتاج إليه في كل مراحل حياتنا هو الارادة المستقلة.
يلفت الكاتب الى فكرة الندم على خيارات سابقة خاصة أنها تتضاءل مع الوقت، لكن مع ذلك يؤكد أن فكرة التراجع عن أخطاء سابقة ، لن تمحوها فقط وإنما كل ما نتج عنها من وعي وادراك ونضج فكري.
# الأخطاء والنكبات والإخفاقات : لا أحد يصل لمنتصف العمر دون أن ينال بعضاً منها ، وأنا على يقين بأنك تملك نصيبك منها . بعضها عوَّضها تجنب المخاطر ، أو الحظ ، والبعض الآخر لم يُعوَّض كثيراً . قد تميل إلى تقييم الوضع ومقاومة الماضي ، لا بأس في ذلك ، ولكن لا ترتكب خطأً آخر ، بحيث تنكفئ ، متجرداً من تفاصيل حياتك ، لتفُكثِر فيما يجدر بك ابتغاؤه ، لأن تجرُّدك من تلك التفاصيل يُفضي بك إلى نبذ مصدرٍ أساسيٍ للتأكيد العقلاني، وهذا المصدر لا يتمثل في الوجود المحض للأنشطة والعلاقات ، بل في أعماقها الدفينة ، فلا تزن البدائل نظرياً ، ولكن قرب الصورة ، ودَع التفاصيل تتصدى للرسم الشامل لحياة لم تًعش ، وبهذا ، قد تُدركأ لا يسعك الندم على ما كان يجدر بك رفضه في ذلك الوقت .
.. منتقاة بعناية، وهذا الكتاب ترجمته سلسة وجيدة .
من فينا ينتمي للزمن؟
من منا يعيش اللحظة فلا يصل الى ما يُرف بمنتصف العمر فيندم؟ أو يخاف؟! مما هدر من وقت غالبًا ورعبًا من الموت أكيدًا!
(لايعد منتصف العمر مرحلة متأخرة لبدء شئ جديد برغم أنه يبدو كذلك في كثير من الأحيان، فلا تنخدع بقصر الوقت المصاحب لمنتصف العمر، لأن في عمرك سعة أكثر مما تظن)
هل هناك عمر أمثل ؟ مايخلص إليه المؤلف أنه لا ، فكل ما نحتاج إليه في كل مراحل حياتنا هو الارادة المستقلة.
يلفت الكاتب الى فكرة الندم على خيارات سابقة خاصة أنها تتضاءل مع الوقت، لكن مع ذلك يؤكد أن فكرة التراجع عن أخطاء سابقة ، لن تمحوها فقط وإنما كل ما نتج عنها من وعي وادراك ونضج فكري.
# الأخطاء والنكبات والإخفاقات : لا أحد يصل لمنتصف العمر دون أن ينال بعضاً منها ، وأنا على يقين بأنك تملك نصيبك منها . بعضها عوَّضها تجنب المخاطر ، أو الحظ ، والبعض الآخر لم يُعوَّض كثيراً . قد تميل إلى تقييم الوضع ومقاومة الماضي ، لا بأس في ذلك ، ولكن لا ترتكب خطأً آخر ، بحيث تنكفئ ، متجرداً من تفاصيل حياتك ، لتفُكثِر فيما يجدر بك ابتغاؤه ، لأن تجرُّدك من تلك التفاصيل يُفضي بك إلى نبذ مصدرٍ أساسيٍ للتأكيد العقلاني، وهذا المصدر لا يتمثل في الوجود المحض للأنشطة والعلاقات ، بل في أعماقها الدفينة ، فلا تزن البدائل نظرياً ، ولكن قرب الصورة ، ودَع التفاصيل تتصدى للرسم الشامل لحياة لم تًعش ، وبهذا ، قد تُدركأ لا يسعك الندم على ما كان يجدر بك رفضه في ذلك الوقت .
August 7, 2022
I listened to a great podcast where the author of this book was interviewed, so I decided to read the book that was discussed. It didn't help me with my midlife struggles, and I wish I would have just stuck with the info I picked up from the podcast. Mildly interesting philosophically, but nothing here for practical use.
April 1, 2019
Abandoned 44 pages in.
June 17, 2021
DNF. I found his writing to be unclear. It was often difficult for me to understand the point he was trying to make.
Read
January 24, 20202020 reads, #3. DID NOT FINISH. This slim book is exactly what it advertises itself to be, a guide to the things that famous philosophers have said over the centuries on the issue of middle-age, so I'm not sure why it surprised me to find this out. It just wasn't quite my cup of tea, so I opted out early.
May 28, 2024
Gracias 💐
March 26, 2021
The book shed light on the midlife crisis, its causes and different aspects, and provide new prospective to help, resolve the inner conflict humans face at mid-age
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