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孝芯褉屑芯蟹 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械. 袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌
袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌 褋邪 褌褉懈 褉芯谢懈 胁 褌褉邪谐械写懈褟, 泻芯褟褌芯 械卸械写薪械胁薪芯 褋械 褉邪蟹懈谐褉邪胁邪 胁 写芯屑芯胁械褌械 薪懈, 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖邪褌邪, 薪邪 写械褌褋泻懈褌械 锌谢芯褖邪写泻懈, 褍谢懈褑懈褌械 懈 褉邪斜芯褌薪懈褌械 屑械褋褌邪. 袩懈械褋邪褌邪 械 懈褋褌懈薪褋泻邪, 邪 锌芯褋谢械写褋褌胁懈褟褌邪 屑芯谐邪褌 写邪 斜褗写邪褌 褋屑褗褉褌芯薪芯褋薪懈.
袙 鈥濼o褉屑芯蟹 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械. 袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌鈥� 械写懈薪 芯褌 薪邪泄-褍胁邪卸邪胁邪薪懈褌械 泻芯薪褋褍谢褌邪薪褌懈 胁 褋胁械褌邪 写邪胁邪 薪邪 褉芯写懈褌械谢懈褌械, 薪邪 褍褔懈褌械谢懈褌械 鈥� 懈 薪邪泄-胁械褔械 薪邪 写械褑邪褌邪 鈥� 懈薪褋褌褉褍屑械薪褌懈褌械, 薪械芯斜褏芯写懈屑懈 蟹邪 锌褉械泻褗褋胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌芯褉芯褔薪懈褟 泻褉褗谐. 小褌褗锌胁邪泄泻懈 胁褗褉褏褍 薪褟泻芯谢泻芯 写械褋械褌懈谢械褌懈褟 芯锌懈褌 胁 褉邪斜芯褌邪褌邪 褋 锌褉芯斜谢械屑薪懈 屑谢邪写械卸懈 懈 褕懈褉芯泻邪 锌褉邪泻褌懈泻邪 胁 芯胁谢邪写褟胁邪薪械褌芯 薪邪 泻芯薪褎谢懈泻褌懈, 袘邪褉斜邪褉邪 袣芯谢芯褉芯褋芯 锌褉械写谢邪谐邪 锌褉邪泻褌懈褔械薪 薪邪褉褗褔薪懈泻 蟹邪 褋锌褉邪胁褟薪械 褋 胁褋械泻懈 械褌邪锌 芯褌 褌芯褉屑芯蟹邪 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械 鈥� 芯褌 褉邪蟹锌芯蟹薪邪胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌褉懈褔懈薪懈褌械 写芯 芯胁谢邪写褟胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌芯褋谢械写褋褌胁懈褟褌邪.
袨褌 褌邪蟹懈 泻薪懈谐邪 褖械 薪邪褍褔懈褌械:
袣芯懈 褋邪 褎芯褉屑懈褌械 懈 屑械褌芯写懈褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褔械褌懈褉懈褌械 褍屑械薪懈褟, 泻芯懈褌芯 褌褉褟斜胁邪 写邪 锌褉懈褌械卸邪胁邪褌 写械褑邪褌邪, 蟹邪 写邪 褋械 锌褉械写锌邪蟹褟褌;
袣邪泻胁懈 褋邪 锌褉懈蟹薪邪褑懈褌械, 褔械 写械褌械褌芯 胁懈 械 卸械褉褌胁邪;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褋懈谐薪邪谢薪懈褌械 谢邪屑锌懈, 褔械 写械褌械褌芯 胁懈 械 褋泻谢芯薪薪芯 泻褗屑 邪谐褉械褋懈褟;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褔械褌懈褉懈褌械 鈥溞垦€芯褌懈胁芯芯褌褉芯胁懈鈥� 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯;
袣邪泻 写邪 锌芯屑芯谐薪械褌械 薪邪 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械 写邪 褋械 胁褗蟹褋褌邪薪芯胁懈 懈 泻邪泻 械褎械泻褌懈胁薪芯 写邪 锌芯胁谢懈褟械褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻邪.
袘邪褉斜邪褉邪 袣芯谢芯褉芯褋芯 械 邪胁褌芯褉 薪邪 褔械褌懈褉懈 褋胁械褌芯胁薪懈 斜械褋褌褋械谢褗褉邪 懈 屑械卸写褍薪邪褉芯写薪芯 锌褉懈蟹薪邪褌 泻芯薪褋褍谢褌邪薪褌 锌芯 胁褗锌褉芯褋懈褌械 薪邪 胁褗蟹锌懈褌邪薪懈械褌芯, 芯斜褉邪蟹芯胁邪薪懈械褌芯, 褍褔懈谢懈褖薪邪褌邪 写懈褋褑懈锌谢懈薪邪 懈 锌褉芯斜谢械屑懈褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯. 袧械泄薪懈褌械 褍写懈胁懈褌械谢薪芯 械褎械泻褌懈胁薪懈 褋褌褉邪褌械谐懈懈 褋邪 褉邪蟹褉邪斜芯褌械薪懈 薪邪 斜邪蟹邪 薪邪 芯斜褍褔械薪懈械褌芯 泄 锌芯 褋芯褑懈芯谢芯谐懈褟, 褋芯褑懈邪谢薪懈 薪邪褍泻懈 懈 褎懈谢芯褋芯褎懈褟 懈 锌芯褔褌懈 40-谐芯写懈褕薪懈褟 泄 芯锌懈褌 泻邪褌芯 褍褔懈褌械谢, 胁褗蟹锌懈褌邪褌械谢, 懈薪褋褌褉褍泻褌芯褉, 胁芯写械褖 薪邪 褋械屑懈薪邪褉懈, 写芯斜褉芯胁芯谢械褑 胁 袪褍邪薪写邪 懈 屑邪泄泻邪 薪邪 褌褉懈 锌芯褉邪褋薪邪谢懈 写械褑邪.
鈥炐⑿狙€屑芯蟹 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械. 袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌鈥� 懈蟹谢懈蟹邪 蟹邪 锌褗褉胁懈 锌褗褌 锌褉械写懈 锌芯胁械褔械 芯褌 写械褋械褌懈谢械褌懈械, 胁械褔械 懈屑邪 锌械褌 芯斜薪芯胁械薪懈 懈 写芯锌褗谢薪械薪懈 懈蟹写邪薪懈褟 懈 褋械 褋褔懈褌邪 蟹邪 械写薪邪 芯褌 薪邪泄-邪胁褌芯褉懈褌械褌薪懈褌械 懈 锌芯谢械蟹薪懈 泻薪懈谐懈 蟹邪 锌褉械胁械薪褑懈褟 懈 懈薪褌械褉胁械薪褑懈褟 锌褉懈 锌褉芯斜谢械屑懈 褋 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯. violence.
袙 鈥濼o褉屑芯蟹 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械. 袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌鈥� 械写懈薪 芯褌 薪邪泄-褍胁邪卸邪胁邪薪懈褌械 泻芯薪褋褍谢褌邪薪褌懈 胁 褋胁械褌邪 写邪胁邪 薪邪 褉芯写懈褌械谢懈褌械, 薪邪 褍褔懈褌械谢懈褌械 鈥� 懈 薪邪泄-胁械褔械 薪邪 写械褑邪褌邪 鈥� 懈薪褋褌褉褍屑械薪褌懈褌械, 薪械芯斜褏芯写懈屑懈 蟹邪 锌褉械泻褗褋胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌芯褉芯褔薪懈褟 泻褉褗谐. 小褌褗锌胁邪泄泻懈 胁褗褉褏褍 薪褟泻芯谢泻芯 写械褋械褌懈谢械褌懈褟 芯锌懈褌 胁 褉邪斜芯褌邪褌邪 褋 锌褉芯斜谢械屑薪懈 屑谢邪写械卸懈 懈 褕懈褉芯泻邪 锌褉邪泻褌懈泻邪 胁 芯胁谢邪写褟胁邪薪械褌芯 薪邪 泻芯薪褎谢懈泻褌懈, 袘邪褉斜邪褉邪 袣芯谢芯褉芯褋芯 锌褉械写谢邪谐邪 锌褉邪泻褌懈褔械薪 薪邪褉褗褔薪懈泻 蟹邪 褋锌褉邪胁褟薪械 褋 胁褋械泻懈 械褌邪锌 芯褌 褌芯褉屑芯蟹邪 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械 鈥� 芯褌 褉邪蟹锌芯蟹薪邪胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌褉懈褔懈薪懈褌械 写芯 芯胁谢邪写褟胁邪薪械 薪邪 锌芯褋谢械写褋褌胁懈褟褌邪.
袨褌 褌邪蟹懈 泻薪懈谐邪 褖械 薪邪褍褔懈褌械:
袣芯懈 褋邪 褎芯褉屑懈褌械 懈 屑械褌芯写懈褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褔械褌懈褉懈褌械 褍屑械薪懈褟, 泻芯懈褌芯 褌褉褟斜胁邪 写邪 锌褉懈褌械卸邪胁邪褌 写械褑邪褌邪, 蟹邪 写邪 褋械 锌褉械写锌邪蟹褟褌;
袣邪泻胁懈 褋邪 锌褉懈蟹薪邪褑懈褌械, 褔械 写械褌械褌芯 胁懈 械 卸械褉褌胁邪;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褋懈谐薪邪谢薪懈褌械 谢邪屑锌懈, 褔械 写械褌械褌芯 胁懈 械 褋泻谢芯薪薪芯 泻褗屑 邪谐褉械褋懈褟;
袣芯懈 褋邪 褔械褌懈褉懈褌械 鈥溞垦€芯褌懈胁芯芯褌褉芯胁懈鈥� 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯;
袣邪泻 写邪 锌芯屑芯谐薪械褌械 薪邪 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械 写邪 褋械 胁褗蟹褋褌邪薪芯胁懈 懈 泻邪泻 械褎械泻褌懈胁薪芯 写邪 锌芯胁谢懈褟械褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻邪.
袘邪褉斜邪褉邪 袣芯谢芯褉芯褋芯 械 邪胁褌芯褉 薪邪 褔械褌懈褉懈 褋胁械褌芯胁薪懈 斜械褋褌褋械谢褗褉邪 懈 屑械卸写褍薪邪褉芯写薪芯 锌褉懈蟹薪邪褌 泻芯薪褋褍谢褌邪薪褌 锌芯 胁褗锌褉芯褋懈褌械 薪邪 胁褗蟹锌懈褌邪薪懈械褌芯, 芯斜褉邪蟹芯胁邪薪懈械褌芯, 褍褔懈谢懈褖薪邪褌邪 写懈褋褑懈锌谢懈薪邪 懈 锌褉芯斜谢械屑懈褌械 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯. 袧械泄薪懈褌械 褍写懈胁懈褌械谢薪芯 械褎械泻褌懈胁薪懈 褋褌褉邪褌械谐懈懈 褋邪 褉邪蟹褉邪斜芯褌械薪懈 薪邪 斜邪蟹邪 薪邪 芯斜褍褔械薪懈械褌芯 泄 锌芯 褋芯褑懈芯谢芯谐懈褟, 褋芯褑懈邪谢薪懈 薪邪褍泻懈 懈 褎懈谢芯褋芯褎懈褟 懈 锌芯褔褌懈 40-谐芯写懈褕薪懈褟 泄 芯锌懈褌 泻邪褌芯 褍褔懈褌械谢, 胁褗蟹锌懈褌邪褌械谢, 懈薪褋褌褉褍泻褌芯褉, 胁芯写械褖 薪邪 褋械屑懈薪邪褉懈, 写芯斜褉芯胁芯谢械褑 胁 袪褍邪薪写邪 懈 屑邪泄泻邪 薪邪 褌褉懈 锌芯褉邪褋薪邪谢懈 写械褑邪.
鈥炐⑿狙€屑芯蟹 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械. 袧邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌鈥� 懈蟹谢懈蟹邪 蟹邪 锌褗褉胁懈 锌褗褌 锌褉械写懈 锌芯胁械褔械 芯褌 写械褋械褌懈谢械褌懈械, 胁械褔械 懈屑邪 锌械褌 芯斜薪芯胁械薪懈 懈 写芯锌褗谢薪械薪懈 懈蟹写邪薪懈褟 懈 褋械 褋褔懈褌邪 蟹邪 械写薪邪 芯褌 薪邪泄-邪胁褌芯褉懈褌械褌薪懈褌械 懈 锌芯谢械蟹薪懈 泻薪懈谐懈 蟹邪 锌褉械胁械薪褑懈褟 懈 懈薪褌械褉胁械薪褑懈褟 锌褉懈 锌褉芯斜谢械屑懈 褋 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯. violence.
368 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
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About the author
Barbara Coloroso
29听books55听followersBarbara Coloroso is the author of the international bestseller Kids Are Worth It! and Parenting Through Crisis and is an acclaimed speaker on parenting, teaching, conflict, resolution, and grieving. Featured in Time, the New York Times, and on many radio and television shows, she lives with her husband in Littleton, Colorado.
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September 16, 2017
袧邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械 袧袝 袝 薪芯褉屑邪谢薪邪 褔邪褋褌 芯褌 懈蟹褉邪褋褌胁邪薪械褌芯 薪邪 写械褑邪褌邪 懈 褌械褏薪懈褌械 芯褌薪芯褕械薪懈褟. 袞械褉褌胁邪褌邪 袧袝 袝 胁懈薪芯胁薪邪 蟹邪 胁褗蟹薪懈泻胁邪薪械褌芯 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯. 袧械 械 锌褉芯褋褌芯 薪械锌褉懈褟褌械薪 械锌懈蟹芯写, 泻芯泄褌芯 褖械 褋懈 芯褋褌邪薪械 胁 写械褌褋褌胁芯褌芯 薪懈. 袧邪褋懈谢懈械褌芯 胁 写械褌褋泻懈褌械 懈 屑谢邪写械卸泻懈褌械 谐芯写懈薪懈 锌褉械屑懈薪邪胁邪 胁 卸懈胁芯褌邪 薪懈 泻邪褌芯 胁褗蟹褉邪褋褌薪懈, 褉褍褕懈 锌褋懈褏懈泻邪褌邪, 锌芯胁褉械卸写邪 褌褗泻邪薪褌邪 薪邪 芯斜褖械褋褌胁芯褌芯 懈 锌芯谐褍斜胁邪 卸懈胁芯褌懈.
袠蟹泻谢褞褔懈褌械谢薪芯 胁邪卸薪邪 泻薪懈谐邪, 泻芯褟褌芯 褌褉褟斜胁邪 写邪 褋褌懈谐薪械 写芯 锌芯胁械褔械 褉芯写懈褌械谢懈 懈 褍褔懈褌械谢懈. 袝写薪芯 芯褌 薪邪泄-锌褗谢薪懈褌械 懈蟹褔械褉锌邪褌械谢薪懈 懈蟹褋谢械写胁邪薪懈褟 锌芯 褌械屑邪褌邪, 胁 褋褗褖芯褌芯 胁褉械屑械 褟褋薪芯 褋褌褉褍泻褌褍褉懈褉邪薪芯 懈 写芯褋褌褗锌薪芯 锌褉邪泻褌懈褔械褋泻芯 褉褗泻芯胁芯写褋褌胁芯 泻邪泻 写邪 褉邪蟹锌芯蟹薪邪械屑 褉邪蟹谢懈褔薪懈褌械 锌褉芯褟胁谢械薪懈褟 薪邪 褌芯褉屑芯蟹邪 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械, 泻邪泻胁邪 械 褉芯谢褟褌邪 薪邪 褌褉懈屑邪褌邪 褍褔邪褋褌薪懈褑懈 胁 薪械谐芯 - 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌, 懈 泻邪泻 写邪 锌褉械泻褗褋薪械屑 锌芯褉芯褔薪懈褟 泻褉褗谐 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械.
袠蟹泻谢褞褔懈褌械谢薪芯 胁邪卸薪邪 泻薪懈谐邪, 泻芯褟褌芯 褌褉褟斜胁邪 写邪 褋褌懈谐薪械 写芯 锌芯胁械褔械 褉芯写懈褌械谢懈 懈 褍褔懈褌械谢懈. 袝写薪芯 芯褌 薪邪泄-锌褗谢薪懈褌械 懈蟹褔械褉锌邪褌械谢薪懈 懈蟹褋谢械写胁邪薪懈褟 锌芯 褌械屑邪褌邪, 胁 褋褗褖芯褌芯 胁褉械屑械 褟褋薪芯 褋褌褉褍泻褌褍褉懈褉邪薪芯 懈 写芯褋褌褗锌薪芯 锌褉邪泻褌懈褔械褋泻芯 褉褗泻芯胁芯写褋褌胁芯 泻邪泻 写邪 褉邪蟹锌芯蟹薪邪械屑 褉邪蟹谢懈褔薪懈褌械 锌褉芯褟胁谢械薪懈褟 薪邪 褌芯褉屑芯蟹邪 胁 褍褔懈谢懈褖械, 泻邪泻胁邪 械 褉芯谢褟褌邪 薪邪 褌褉懈屑邪褌邪 褍褔邪褋褌薪懈褑懈 胁 薪械谐芯 - 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻褗褌, 卸械褉褌胁邪褌邪 懈 薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢褟褌, 懈 泻邪泻 写邪 锌褉械泻褗褋薪械屑 锌芯褉芯褔薪懈褟 泻褉褗谐 薪邪 薪邪褋懈谢懈械.
January 17, 2013
Please note that, because I am new to learning about the topic of bullying, my review of this book is influenced by my lack of familiarity with the topic. First of all, I think there are many helpful things in Barabara Coloroso's book on bullying:
- Coloroso's main premise is that bullying involves more than a bully and a target; instead, bullying involves the entire community: bully and target, but also bystanders, teachers, and parents, and any real solution must involve all of these actors.
- I like that Coloroso emphasizes the importance of not minimizing bullying and not blaming the target.
- I found especially helpful Coloroso's distinctions between teasing versus taunting, and flirting versus sexual bullying. Sometimes it's hard to explain the difference, and Coloroso lays it out beautifully.
- I think that Coloroso touches on something very important when she asserts that bullying is as much or more about contempt than it is about conflict, which means that conflict resolution methods won't necessarily work on bullying in the way adults expect them to.
- I liked Coloroso's metaphor of using the principles of aikido to respond to bullying. According to Coloroso, in aikido practitioners use their opponent's energy to end the fight, rather than striking back. When confronted with bullying, Coloroso advocates doing the verbal equivalent of aikido, for example, by saying something like, "What you're doing/saying is really mean and it's beneath both of us." I have no idea if that would be effective, but I like the concept.
In other areas of the book, I thought that Coloroso had something valuable to say, but I felt that I needed more specific instruction then the book provided. For example:
- In Chapter Five, It Runs in the Family, Coloroso talks at length about how families are the proving grounds for children who are learning how to bully or to be bullied in the wider world. Coloroso describes three parenting styles: the brickwall family, the jellyfish family, and the backbone family. Upon reading the descriptions, I thought, "Wow, it would be so great to raise my (future) children in a backbone family . . . but I'm not really sure how to do that based on this description." I think it was just too big a task to fit complicated parenting instruction in the middle of a book on bullying. Maybe I can find another book on these family types so I can better understand not just what a family with backbone is, but how to be one.
- I had a similar comprehension problem with Chapter Six, Is There a Bully in the House?, which offers guidance on how to work with a child who has engaged in bullying behavior. Coloroso outlines four steps: discipline, create opportunities to do good, nurture empathy, and teach friendship skills. I really liked how Coloroso distinguished discipline from punishment: punishment is something imposed on children that teaches them to respond to external threats and rewards, whereas discipline is a process children go through to develop an inner compass. However, I felt a little overwhelmed by the abstract guidance on discipline, wish contained three steps of its own: "restitution, resolution, and reconciliation." I wished that Coloroso had offered more concrete examples of how to enact discipline. Overall, the chapter felt more like a values statement than a how-to manual, and I think some more how-to would have been helpful.
Finally, there were some things about Coloroso's writing that rung a little strange for me. Although I believe that bullying is a serious issue that can have devastating consequences, I felt in places that her writing was a little alarmist. I've recently read some anti-bullying resources which point out that drawing a too-strong causal link between bullying and suicide can have the unintended negative consequence of making suicide seem like a reasonable response to bullying. The same resources recommended avoiding the use of the term "bullycide," which is both grammatically incorrect and likely to strengthen associations between being bullied and committing suicide. I'm sure there are a lot of good reasons for both of these different approaches, and it seems like a difficult and fine line to walk to balance the need of communicating the serious dangers of bullying without going so far that unhealthy associations are created. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I just know that there were places in Coloroso's book where I felt that the alarmist tone was maybe less helpful than she intended it to be.
This book gave me a lot to think about, and I'm sure I'll see it differently the more I read about bullying and parenting. I'm not sure yet if I'd recommend it, but reading it gave me some helpful insight into the issue.
- Coloroso's main premise is that bullying involves more than a bully and a target; instead, bullying involves the entire community: bully and target, but also bystanders, teachers, and parents, and any real solution must involve all of these actors.
- I like that Coloroso emphasizes the importance of not minimizing bullying and not blaming the target.
- I found especially helpful Coloroso's distinctions between teasing versus taunting, and flirting versus sexual bullying. Sometimes it's hard to explain the difference, and Coloroso lays it out beautifully.
- I think that Coloroso touches on something very important when she asserts that bullying is as much or more about contempt than it is about conflict, which means that conflict resolution methods won't necessarily work on bullying in the way adults expect them to.
- I liked Coloroso's metaphor of using the principles of aikido to respond to bullying. According to Coloroso, in aikido practitioners use their opponent's energy to end the fight, rather than striking back. When confronted with bullying, Coloroso advocates doing the verbal equivalent of aikido, for example, by saying something like, "What you're doing/saying is really mean and it's beneath both of us." I have no idea if that would be effective, but I like the concept.
In other areas of the book, I thought that Coloroso had something valuable to say, but I felt that I needed more specific instruction then the book provided. For example:
- In Chapter Five, It Runs in the Family, Coloroso talks at length about how families are the proving grounds for children who are learning how to bully or to be bullied in the wider world. Coloroso describes three parenting styles: the brickwall family, the jellyfish family, and the backbone family. Upon reading the descriptions, I thought, "Wow, it would be so great to raise my (future) children in a backbone family . . . but I'm not really sure how to do that based on this description." I think it was just too big a task to fit complicated parenting instruction in the middle of a book on bullying. Maybe I can find another book on these family types so I can better understand not just what a family with backbone is, but how to be one.
- I had a similar comprehension problem with Chapter Six, Is There a Bully in the House?, which offers guidance on how to work with a child who has engaged in bullying behavior. Coloroso outlines four steps: discipline, create opportunities to do good, nurture empathy, and teach friendship skills. I really liked how Coloroso distinguished discipline from punishment: punishment is something imposed on children that teaches them to respond to external threats and rewards, whereas discipline is a process children go through to develop an inner compass. However, I felt a little overwhelmed by the abstract guidance on discipline, wish contained three steps of its own: "restitution, resolution, and reconciliation." I wished that Coloroso had offered more concrete examples of how to enact discipline. Overall, the chapter felt more like a values statement than a how-to manual, and I think some more how-to would have been helpful.
Finally, there were some things about Coloroso's writing that rung a little strange for me. Although I believe that bullying is a serious issue that can have devastating consequences, I felt in places that her writing was a little alarmist. I've recently read some anti-bullying resources which point out that drawing a too-strong causal link between bullying and suicide can have the unintended negative consequence of making suicide seem like a reasonable response to bullying. The same resources recommended avoiding the use of the term "bullycide," which is both grammatically incorrect and likely to strengthen associations between being bullied and committing suicide. I'm sure there are a lot of good reasons for both of these different approaches, and it seems like a difficult and fine line to walk to balance the need of communicating the serious dangers of bullying without going so far that unhealthy associations are created. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I just know that there were places in Coloroso's book where I felt that the alarmist tone was maybe less helpful than she intended it to be.
This book gave me a lot to think about, and I'm sure I'll see it differently the more I read about bullying and parenting. I'm not sure yet if I'd recommend it, but reading it gave me some helpful insight into the issue.
September 5, 2007
Bryan's cynicism not with standing, I think this book is helpful in identifying what teachers and parents should look for in bullying incidents.
Awareness is a nice first step, and advocating an elimination of negative behavior is okay, but I wish there had been more practical approaches to the problem, and a fewer bullet pointed lists.
Helpful but not riveting.
Awareness is a nice first step, and advocating an elimination of negative behavior is okay, but I wish there had been more practical approaches to the problem, and a fewer bullet pointed lists.
Helpful but not riveting.
April 25, 2013
This is the best book I've ever read on this topic.
I don't normally read an adult nonfiction book all in one sitting, but I picked this one up off the new shelf at the library and found myself doing just that. Things I love about this book:
1. It addresses the problem instead of throwing blame around at teachers or parents. Yes, it talks about prevention. But it's a very problem-solving sort of approach as opposed to the books that imply "if only you were righteous enough, your children would be robotically perfect," or "if only the school district wasn't so slack-jawed, there would be no bully problems." The approach in this book is more of, okay, here's the issue, now how do we SOLVE it?
2. It's very practical. Some books are excellent at explaining why this happens, but then they fall down on the what-to-do-about-it part. This walks you through how to handle a situation. I love how it does not assume that one size fits all, and if you push the right buttons, the desired result will come out of the machine automatically. I love how it recognizes that humans and complex creatures, and some things take time, and outcomes don't always happen the way we envision. But it's hopeful and flexible and specific--and HELPFUL.
3. I love the section on bystanders. I've read in the past that research shows bystanders have a huge impact on bullying situations, and I love the empowerment that comes in that chapter. Even if you don't have kids, or don't work in schools--every person is a bystander, and understanding the power you have to make situations better around you is really important.
4. Both preventative and problem-solving. How to fix the issues right now, but how to bolster your kid and teach them so that they can prevent things like this in the future.
If you can't tell, I really liked this book! It's better than any of the bully seminars my kids have been subjected to in any number of schools. I just want to tell everyone to read it!
I don't normally read an adult nonfiction book all in one sitting, but I picked this one up off the new shelf at the library and found myself doing just that. Things I love about this book:
1. It addresses the problem instead of throwing blame around at teachers or parents. Yes, it talks about prevention. But it's a very problem-solving sort of approach as opposed to the books that imply "if only you were righteous enough, your children would be robotically perfect," or "if only the school district wasn't so slack-jawed, there would be no bully problems." The approach in this book is more of, okay, here's the issue, now how do we SOLVE it?
2. It's very practical. Some books are excellent at explaining why this happens, but then they fall down on the what-to-do-about-it part. This walks you through how to handle a situation. I love how it does not assume that one size fits all, and if you push the right buttons, the desired result will come out of the machine automatically. I love how it recognizes that humans and complex creatures, and some things take time, and outcomes don't always happen the way we envision. But it's hopeful and flexible and specific--and HELPFUL.
3. I love the section on bystanders. I've read in the past that research shows bystanders have a huge impact on bullying situations, and I love the empowerment that comes in that chapter. Even if you don't have kids, or don't work in schools--every person is a bystander, and understanding the power you have to make situations better around you is really important.
4. Both preventative and problem-solving. How to fix the issues right now, but how to bolster your kid and teach them so that they can prevent things like this in the future.
If you can't tell, I really liked this book! It's better than any of the bully seminars my kids have been subjected to in any number of schools. I just want to tell everyone to read it!
October 24, 2011
This book was given to me by a dear friend and old high school teacher. I very much appreciated the books goal. It has always been interesting to me why some people choose or do not know how to try and stop bullying. Maybe they are afraid of being called a "snitch". Who even invented that useless word. Snitch is simply someone who cares about someone or something and does something to better the situation of it. I think they should replace the word "snitch" with Hero. I remember being a bystander-ed in Elementary School. An interesting case of standing up for a class-mate which they turned into another bullying case reverted from the kid to me.
In Middle School my friend was being beat up by 3 older kids on the field and instead of watching like everyone else, I ran up, slid into one of the kids shins, knocking him to the ground. Got up and pushed the other one off of my friend. The 3rd kid backed off and I grabbed my friend and backed up looked at him, and he had a bloody nose and a gash on his lip. Just when I was about to get trampled by the 3 kids, the campus supervisor finally showed up. Here's the jacked up part. Even though I was the one who took action and saved my friend, I got suspended for the same amount of time the 3 bully's did.....
Anyways, I really liked this book and think every person who is an educator, or works with people and children should read this book.
In Middle School my friend was being beat up by 3 older kids on the field and instead of watching like everyone else, I ran up, slid into one of the kids shins, knocking him to the ground. Got up and pushed the other one off of my friend. The 3rd kid backed off and I grabbed my friend and backed up looked at him, and he had a bloody nose and a gash on his lip. Just when I was about to get trampled by the 3 kids, the campus supervisor finally showed up. Here's the jacked up part. Even though I was the one who took action and saved my friend, I got suspended for the same amount of time the 3 bully's did.....
Anyways, I really liked this book and think every person who is an educator, or works with people and children should read this book.
May 31, 2011
One of the most powerful suggestions was about teaching kids not to be bystanders. It reminded me of Stetson Kennedy and his frown campaign. When someone says something bigoted you simply frown...I was also horrified by some of the inaction on the parts of schools and wondering how many boy/girl bullying cases involved athletes, and how many of those that involve athletes are handled differently than those involving non-athletes. Elizabeth probably knows, or maybe her class could research this for me.
January 30, 2018
Outstanding. As a former victim of many Bullies (adults and children), I learned a lot about myself from this book. I agreed with about 85% of Coloroso's model, advice, and loved how thoughtful and compassionate her writing is.
Every Teachers and Prinicpal of any school or colleage would do well to read this book and take the suggestions to heart.
The book covers why some kids become Bullies, others Bullied and others Bystanders (which covers 99.9% of all kids) yet doesn't place Blame on any one factor.
As a former Bullied, I will be grateful to her forever for not blaming the Victim, as so many of the adults in my own life did. My childhood was a living Hell not just because of the Bullies, but even more so because the Bystander adults who did not and would not help. Sometimes the only help an Adult can give a Bullied child is to tell them, "This is NOT your fault" but that is a wonderful thing to hear.
If you have ever been bullied at work or home as an adult or child or if you are a parent or teacher --READ this and keep it handy.
I have an old Edition from 2006--the only thing obviously lacking were Chapters on the topic of Cyber-Bullying which I certainly hope is fully discussed and explored in more recent Editions.
Every Teachers and Prinicpal of any school or colleage would do well to read this book and take the suggestions to heart.
The book covers why some kids become Bullies, others Bullied and others Bystanders (which covers 99.9% of all kids) yet doesn't place Blame on any one factor.
As a former Bullied, I will be grateful to her forever for not blaming the Victim, as so many of the adults in my own life did. My childhood was a living Hell not just because of the Bullies, but even more so because the Bystander adults who did not and would not help. Sometimes the only help an Adult can give a Bullied child is to tell them, "This is NOT your fault" but that is a wonderful thing to hear.
If you have ever been bullied at work or home as an adult or child or if you are a parent or teacher --READ this and keep it handy.
I have an old Edition from 2006--the only thing obviously lacking were Chapters on the topic of Cyber-Bullying which I certainly hope is fully discussed and explored in more recent Editions.
May 29, 2016
An important and thought-provoking book about a subject that doesn't get nearly enough attention. 听It can actually be a pretty emotional read at times because it forces you to recall some undesirable memories about instances in which you've personally been either the bully, the bullied, or the bystander. 听Typically the kind of memories we'd all rather keep buried. 听And yet it needs to be done, because the same behavior the leads people to turn a blind eye to schoolyard bullying allows them to let it persist in the wider world.
It's curious that the news coverage surrounding each tragic school shooting jumps instantly to the gun control debate, but neglects to address the bullying epidemic. 听The need to address the problem only grows more pressing as digital communication quickly overtakes all others as the standard by which people converse. 听The anonymity of the Internet has led us to an incredible crisis of empathy, certainly in adults, but perhaps most troubling in kids. 听
I occasionally play an online strategy game where you are paired up with strangers of similar ability into a teams - much like a pickup basketball game. 听In order to win the game, teamwork and organization are critical, so the team communicates either via typed messages or voice chat. 听And while I usually love playing the game, there is an undeniable problem with bullying. 听It seems like every third game a player will irrationally single out a teammate who's playing they don't like and start picking on them. 听Almost without fail, the rest of the team will either stand by or join in the attack. 听I was reading a forum post where a player called out the situation, and was in turn berated with responses like: "How are you on the internet? Literally anyone will insult you for no reason. Learn to deal with it...". 听This may be a generational difference, but it's very difficult for me to accept that. 听It seems that Wil Wheaton's Law: "", has been all but forgotten. 听I don't usually think of myself as a Luddite; I believe our connected age has generally made the world a better place. 听But I am deeply troubled by the degradation of empathy, and how that learned behavior is translated听more and more听outside of the digital realm into bullying and mob thinking.
It's curious that the news coverage surrounding each tragic school shooting jumps instantly to the gun control debate, but neglects to address the bullying epidemic. 听The need to address the problem only grows more pressing as digital communication quickly overtakes all others as the standard by which people converse. 听The anonymity of the Internet has led us to an incredible crisis of empathy, certainly in adults, but perhaps most troubling in kids. 听
I occasionally play an online strategy game where you are paired up with strangers of similar ability into a teams - much like a pickup basketball game. 听In order to win the game, teamwork and organization are critical, so the team communicates either via typed messages or voice chat. 听And while I usually love playing the game, there is an undeniable problem with bullying. 听It seems like every third game a player will irrationally single out a teammate who's playing they don't like and start picking on them. 听Almost without fail, the rest of the team will either stand by or join in the attack. 听I was reading a forum post where a player called out the situation, and was in turn berated with responses like: "How are you on the internet? Literally anyone will insult you for no reason. Learn to deal with it...". 听This may be a generational difference, but it's very difficult for me to accept that. 听It seems that Wil Wheaton's Law: "", has been all but forgotten. 听I don't usually think of myself as a Luddite; I believe our connected age has generally made the world a better place. 听But I am deeply troubled by the degradation of empathy, and how that learned behavior is translated听more and more听outside of the digital realm into bullying and mob thinking.
November 12, 2018
While this book did have some good advice, I thought it was pretty well hidden. About half of the book was stories of homicide and suicide that had to do with bullying incidents. The author seemed to draw a direct link between the two. However, most experts caution people not to do that. There is more that goes into a suicide or homicide than bullying alone. I think there are better books on bullying out there.
January 1, 2015
L茅tez艖 a jelens茅g, 茅s ez茅rt 茅n minden sz眉l艖nek 茅s pedag贸gusnak k枚telez艖 irodalomm谩 tenn茅m Barbara Coloroso k枚nyv茅t. M茅g az is lehet, hogy tanuln谩nak valamit bel艖le saj谩t magukr贸l (is)...
July 17, 2014
Wasn't what I was looking for. This is more geared towards understanding bullying and a parent guide. I was looking for a practitioner's guide as a teacher.
May 10, 2018
Some useful tips for parents and schools to help not just the bully but the bullied as well as the bystander who can be taught to be a witness. However, bullying is not just a problem to be resolved by families or schools, it is a nationwide problem and more should be discussed about how and why it has become such a norm in our schools. As a nation, an economy, a community, we have allowed bullying to be a widely accepted part of school life and it is only together we can solve the problem.
I think what this book does not delve enough in is how the adult bullies who support their students' or children's bullying can be dealt with. No matter what tips this book gave, as an adult, there are times when I feel helpless to stop the bullying. This book does not confront directly the real fear that even adults feel towards bullies. Nor are there enough positive stories of how anti-bullying programmes have been successful - most of them are mentioned in passing. I do not feel very hopeful after reading the book.
Another reason why I did not give the book five stars is I don't agree with labelling families into 3 different types - I don't find it very helpful. Nevertheless, credit has to be given to the writer for even attempting to write a book such as this. At least it tells us that more needs to be done and more needs to be understood about bullying.
I think what this book does not delve enough in is how the adult bullies who support their students' or children's bullying can be dealt with. No matter what tips this book gave, as an adult, there are times when I feel helpless to stop the bullying. This book does not confront directly the real fear that even adults feel towards bullies. Nor are there enough positive stories of how anti-bullying programmes have been successful - most of them are mentioned in passing. I do not feel very hopeful after reading the book.
Another reason why I did not give the book five stars is I don't agree with labelling families into 3 different types - I don't find it very helpful. Nevertheless, credit has to be given to the writer for even attempting to write a book such as this. At least it tells us that more needs to be done and more needs to be understood about bullying.
May 30, 2024
袨褌 泻褗写械 写邪 蟹邪锌芯褔薪邪, 薪械 蟹薪邪屑 写芯褉懈. 袠屑邪褕械 褟褋薪芯 薪邪褌褟泻胁邪褖芯 褍斜械卸写械薪懈械 懈 褌械蟹邪, 褔械 褋邪屑芯 芯锌褉械写械谢械薪懈 写械褑邪, 泻芯懈褌芯 褋邪 褉邪蟹谢懈褔薪懈 褋 薪械褖芯 斜懈胁邪褌 褌芯褉屑芯蟹械薪懈, 泻芯械褌芯 薪械 斜懈褏 泻邪蟹邪谢, 褔械 械 懈蟹褑褟谢芯 胁褟褉薪芯. 小锌芯褉械写 褌邪蟹懈 泻薪懈谐邪 褌芯胁邪, 褔械 褋褗屑 褋谢褍褕邪谢 芯锌褉械写械谢械薪邪 屑褍蟹懈泻邪, 懈谐褉邪谢 褋褗屑 芯锌褉械写械谢械薪懈 懈谐褉懈 懈谢懈 褋褗屑 谐谢械写邪谢 芯锌褉械写械谢械薪懈 褎懈谢屑懈, 褖械 屑械 薪邪锌褉邪胁懈 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻, 薪芯 褍胁懈 薪懈泻芯谐邪 薪械 褋褗屑 斜懈谢 懈 薪邪锌褉芯褌懈胁 褌芯褔薪芯 芯斜褉邪褌薪芯褌芯 斜褟褏. 袦薪芯谐芯 芯褌 薪械褖邪褌邪 胁褗褌褉械 屑懈 蟹胁褍褔邪褏邪 泻邪褌芯 褔懈褋褌邪 褍褌芯锌懈褟, 褌芯械褋褌 邪斜褋芯谢褞褌薪芯 薪械械褎械泻褌懈胁薪懈 褋褗胁械褌懈. 袩褗谢薪芯 褋 泻谢懈褕械褌邪 懈 薪械褖邪, 泻芯懈褌芯 胁褋械泻懈 斜懈 褋械 写芯褋械褌懈谢 懈 褋邪屑. 袪械写邪泻褑懈褟褌邪 薪邪 褌芯胁邪 懈蟹写邪薪懈械 褋褗褖芯 斜械褕械 写芯褋褌邪 蟹谢械.
September 25, 2022
袙械谢懈泻芯谢械锌薪芯 褉褗泻芯胁芯写褋褌胁芯 蟹邪 褉芯写懈褌械谢懈, 邪 斜懈 屑懈 褋械 懈褋泻邪谢芯 懈 蟹邪 褍褔懈褌械谢懈! 小褌褉邪褏芯褌械薪 邪薪邪谢懈蟹 薪邪 褑褟谢芯褋褌薪邪褌邪 褋懈褌褍邪褑懈褟 胁 褌邪蟹懈 胁褉褗蟹泻邪 薪邪褋懈谢薪懈泻-卸械褉褌胁邪-薪邪斜谢褞写邪褌械谢, 邪写褋泻懈 屑薪芯谐芯 屑懈 锌芯屑芯谐薪邪. 袙褋褗褖薪芯褋褌, 锌褉邪泻褌懈褔械褋泻懈褌械 褋褗胁械褌懈 褋邪 褋邪屑芯 屑邪谢泻邪 褔邪褋褌 芯褌 褑褟谢邪褌邪 泻邪褉褌懈薪泻邪 泻 褋械 褉邪写胁邪屑, 褔械 斜褟褏邪 锌褉械写褕械褋褌胁邪薪懈 芯褌 邪薪邪谢懈蟹.
袩褉械锌褉芯褔懈褌邪褏 薪褟泻芯懈 褔邪褋褌懈 锌芯 薪褟泻芯谢泻芯 锌褗褌懈. 小褗褋 褋懈谐褍褉薪芯褋褌 褖械 褋械 胁褉褗褖邪屑 泻褗屑 泻薪懈谐邪褌邪 胁 薪褟泻邪泻胁懈 褋懈褌褍邪褑懈懈.
袩褉械锌芯褉褗褔胁邪屑!
袩褉械锌褉芯褔懈褌邪褏 薪褟泻芯懈 褔邪褋褌懈 锌芯 薪褟泻芯谢泻芯 锌褗褌懈. 小褗褋 褋懈谐褍褉薪芯褋褌 褖械 褋械 胁褉褗褖邪屑 泻褗屑 泻薪懈谐邪褌邪 胁 薪褟泻邪泻胁懈 褋懈褌褍邪褑懈懈.
袩褉械锌芯褉褗褔胁邪屑!
March 31, 2025
Didn't complete it. I only gained an understanding of what bullying is, but the sections regarding how to end bullying effectively or stand up to bullies were very unrealistic. I did read this book initially to get an understanding of bullying, since I too survived bullying in middle school and a bit in high school. But I did not gain much and I felt its sections on how to stand up for bullies or the factors needed to prevent bullying were not realistic or useful.
May 10, 2017
Mediocre. Some useful tips for parents but like a lot of these books references are lacking and from an odd assortment of places - other parenting guides, yoga instructors, a first nations council, WWII, and The Breakfast Club. As usual the section on media and video games is shallow and misleading.
January 29, 2018
I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and was looking for material to assist with Bullying Groups within the schools I go to and found this unhelpful. There was a little information but just didn't have the depth to which I was looking for. Bullying is such a wide spread problem in our children today and I would have appreciated more on how to discuss the topic and work with children.
July 10, 2018
Coloroso does a good job delving into the three parts of bullying. There are great indicators to look for, what to do, and what not to do. It's biggest audience is for parents. The section for schools was a little short. There were many examples of different types of bullying and how to distinguish between bullying and other behaviors.
April 23, 2021
This was a scary book to read - being of the 'grandmotherly' age, I wonder if my children dealt with this (and I was totally unaware) and if my grandchildren now deal with bullying of any type. This will spark a conversation in our family.
June 2, 2017
good book i like to know about bully
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 22, 2017
袝写薪邪 芯褌 薪邪泄-褏褍斜邪胁懈褌械 锌械写邪谐芯谐懈褔械褋泻懈 泻薪懈谐懈, 泻芯懈褌芯 蟹邪 懈蟹写邪胁邪薪懈 褍 薪邪褋!
March 25, 2020
Four star up to the first two thirds of the book. Then information is less applicable unless you have an ongoing bullying situation. However, it is outdated. Kids don鈥檛 IM each other.
June 11, 2024
I'd love to see an updated version because it felt a bit dated even for 2003 like not even mentioning how divorce can affect kids
April 26, 2018
Coloroso does a pretty good review of this topic and it's refreshing the way she regularly abstracts out the information on bullying generally to talk about oppressions such as race, class, gender and sexual orientation. She talks about the use of racial slurs, and sexual harassment as forms of bullying and the tolerance of oppressions in society such as racism or sexism actually causing a lot of bullying. Much of what she writes about the system of bullying, the hierarchy, the need for bystander intervention/change in the social order and the contempt it hinges on will come as no surprise to anyone who has been involved in anti oppression movements. (Writers like Catharine MacKinnon addressing violence against women have made similar points in their writing about the bullying of women and I am sure you would find the same in anti racism activists).
I appreciated her top down and multifaceted approach to bullying. This is not only a pretty good primer on fighting bullying but on fighting oppression. Somehow she managed to communicate and convey this all simply enough for the average reader to grasp.
She makes an excellent point that bullying is not about anger or conflict, but it is about contempt. Any attempts to get solve the bullying that treat it as mutual conflict and miss addressing the contempt at the root of it will be unsuccessful.
One thing I really didn't feel right about was her lack of clarity on boys who are bullied and then lash out and do violent things such as school shootings (including to kids that never bullied them). She is right that these are more complex situations, the bullying should have been dealt with long before and it was something of an "understandable response" and "fighting back" to awful pain but also as her theme on standing up to injustice goes we do need to hold perpetrators of injustice accountable especially if they lashed out not only at the kids who bullied them but also at other innocent people (some of whom might actually also have been victims of bullies themselves). It should surprise no one that the bully and the bullied (and the bystander) can be the same person. This is not a contradiction, being a bullied doesn't cancel our your being bullied. And being bullied doesn't not cancel out your bullying others. It is actually a pretty regular thing for bullies to claim "I'm a bullying victim!" and actually be right that they are bullying victims while bullying others. Unfortunately Coloroso misses an opportunity here to take her analysis of bullying and stopping bullying much deeper.
Apart from that though this was an interesting book.
I appreciated her top down and multifaceted approach to bullying. This is not only a pretty good primer on fighting bullying but on fighting oppression. Somehow she managed to communicate and convey this all simply enough for the average reader to grasp.
She makes an excellent point that bullying is not about anger or conflict, but it is about contempt. Any attempts to get solve the bullying that treat it as mutual conflict and miss addressing the contempt at the root of it will be unsuccessful.
One thing I really didn't feel right about was her lack of clarity on boys who are bullied and then lash out and do violent things such as school shootings (including to kids that never bullied them). She is right that these are more complex situations, the bullying should have been dealt with long before and it was something of an "understandable response" and "fighting back" to awful pain but also as her theme on standing up to injustice goes we do need to hold perpetrators of injustice accountable especially if they lashed out not only at the kids who bullied them but also at other innocent people (some of whom might actually also have been victims of bullies themselves). It should surprise no one that the bully and the bullied (and the bystander) can be the same person. This is not a contradiction, being a bullied doesn't cancel our your being bullied. And being bullied doesn't not cancel out your bullying others. It is actually a pretty regular thing for bullies to claim "I'm a bullying victim!" and actually be right that they are bullying victims while bullying others. Unfortunately Coloroso misses an opportunity here to take her analysis of bullying and stopping bullying much deeper.
Apart from that though this was an interesting book.
June 15, 2020
Although I originally thought the title and the introduction was great...it slowly lost its glow...
July 6, 2013
When I was teaching music professionally, my principal asked me to go with her to a professional development seminar and included in that seminar was a presentation on bullying from Barbara Coloroso. They also gave away this book to all of the attendees. This was about eight years ago and I finally got around to reading it. One of the things that spurred me to pick up the book was watching a powerful documentary on Netflix called Bully. I did learn some useful facts and suggestions from the book, but there were also a couple things I didn't like.
First of all the book, especially the second half, is written mainly for parents. Not being a parent myself, I was hoping for more of what teachers could do and a little of that is in the last chapter. Some of her suggestions for parents could certainly be transferred over into the school environment especially if the teachers, administrators, and parents all worked together. My favorite parts of these type of books are the anecdotes or case studies of actual situations and this book did not disappoint in that regard. These types of stories seem to drive home the point Coloroso is making in a very real way.
There are three groups in any bullying situation and Coloroso likens it to a real-life tragic play where everyone plays out their roles. First there is the bully and Coloroso does a good job of defining what bullying is and what it isn't. Bullying always has a backbone of contempt for the other person. She also gives some examples of the difference between teasing and taunting as well as the difference between flirting and verbal sexual bullying. There are three types of bullying: verbal, physical, and relational. One of the most important shifts of thinking since I was younger is the notion that the old rhyme "Sticks and stones may break my bones" is a myth. Words do hurt. Physical bullying is self explanatory. Relational bullying is the purposeful exclusion or shunning of others. Next there is the one that is bullied. This book was written shortly after Colombine and Dylan and Erik Klebold are used as examples of one type of outcome bullying can have. Another outcome is suicide called "Bullycide" in the book. In order to prevent those two worst outcomes, Coloroso lists warning signs parents and teachers can look for in their children or students. The last group is the bystander and Coloroso makes the point that no one is an innocent bystander when it comes to bullying. She gives reasons and excuses why some bystanders may look away or even join in, but she encourages any bystander to become a witness and either stand up for the bullied or report it to an adult or some other authority figure.
In the second part of the book, Coloroso talks about the three different family situations, the brick-wall family which takes a non-leniant, firm, zero tolerance stance on child raising; the jellyfish family that is the opposite and too laissez-faire; and the backbone family which is the ideal. I think one of the most useful portions of the book was where Coloroso writes about the 3 Rs of discipline: restitution, resolution, and reconciliation. Restitution is getting the bully to own up to what he did and not only apologize, but work with the bullied child to fix what he has done which is ultimately resolution. Reconciliation is working toward forgiveness and this can be the hardest stage and take the most time. By the middle of the book, I began taking notes because Coloroso had some really good suggestions although I'm sure all of this is much harder to implement in practice. Overall, I would highly recommend this book for both teachers and parents.
First of all the book, especially the second half, is written mainly for parents. Not being a parent myself, I was hoping for more of what teachers could do and a little of that is in the last chapter. Some of her suggestions for parents could certainly be transferred over into the school environment especially if the teachers, administrators, and parents all worked together. My favorite parts of these type of books are the anecdotes or case studies of actual situations and this book did not disappoint in that regard. These types of stories seem to drive home the point Coloroso is making in a very real way.
There are three groups in any bullying situation and Coloroso likens it to a real-life tragic play where everyone plays out their roles. First there is the bully and Coloroso does a good job of defining what bullying is and what it isn't. Bullying always has a backbone of contempt for the other person. She also gives some examples of the difference between teasing and taunting as well as the difference between flirting and verbal sexual bullying. There are three types of bullying: verbal, physical, and relational. One of the most important shifts of thinking since I was younger is the notion that the old rhyme "Sticks and stones may break my bones" is a myth. Words do hurt. Physical bullying is self explanatory. Relational bullying is the purposeful exclusion or shunning of others. Next there is the one that is bullied. This book was written shortly after Colombine and Dylan and Erik Klebold are used as examples of one type of outcome bullying can have. Another outcome is suicide called "Bullycide" in the book. In order to prevent those two worst outcomes, Coloroso lists warning signs parents and teachers can look for in their children or students. The last group is the bystander and Coloroso makes the point that no one is an innocent bystander when it comes to bullying. She gives reasons and excuses why some bystanders may look away or even join in, but she encourages any bystander to become a witness and either stand up for the bullied or report it to an adult or some other authority figure.
In the second part of the book, Coloroso talks about the three different family situations, the brick-wall family which takes a non-leniant, firm, zero tolerance stance on child raising; the jellyfish family that is the opposite and too laissez-faire; and the backbone family which is the ideal. I think one of the most useful portions of the book was where Coloroso writes about the 3 Rs of discipline: restitution, resolution, and reconciliation. Restitution is getting the bully to own up to what he did and not only apologize, but work with the bullied child to fix what he has done which is ultimately resolution. Reconciliation is working toward forgiveness and this can be the hardest stage and take the most time. By the middle of the book, I began taking notes because Coloroso had some really good suggestions although I'm sure all of this is much harder to implement in practice. Overall, I would highly recommend this book for both teachers and parents.
November 11, 2015
Still looking for that PERFECT book on bullying that will help me crack the code...but this one is really close. Coloroso sets up the dynamics as a play, with each--the bully, the bullied, and the bystander--as players. It starts, she says, not from anger, but contempt.
She then discusses each role in detail, showing us the varieties. Her scenarios are heartbreaking. Her information about Columbine is wrong, but her book was written before Dave Cullen's excellent COLUMBINE.
She quotes and refers to so many books that as I was reading, I assumed there was a bibliography...but, alas, none exists. After I read, I went back and collected titles for myself. It appears that her sources are as insightful and thorough as hers.
This is a book designed for parents, despite the subtitle. She spends considerable time helping parents identify the signs of each of her roles, and she gives detailed (I really don't like numbered lists of steps, but here they are) suggestions. I appreciated her suggestions about working with schools.
She discusses zero tolerance policies and how ineffective they are. Could not agree more! Worthless.
So, not what I need -- exactly. But very valuable, very straightforward, easy to read and follow.
NOW I'll spend time down the rabbit hole of all her sources and works cited. A couple of websites look promising.
She then discusses each role in detail, showing us the varieties. Her scenarios are heartbreaking. Her information about Columbine is wrong, but her book was written before Dave Cullen's excellent COLUMBINE.
She quotes and refers to so many books that as I was reading, I assumed there was a bibliography...but, alas, none exists. After I read, I went back and collected titles for myself. It appears that her sources are as insightful and thorough as hers.
This is a book designed for parents, despite the subtitle. She spends considerable time helping parents identify the signs of each of her roles, and she gives detailed (I really don't like numbered lists of steps, but here they are) suggestions. I appreciated her suggestions about working with schools.
She discusses zero tolerance policies and how ineffective they are. Could not agree more! Worthless.
So, not what I need -- exactly. But very valuable, very straightforward, easy to read and follow.
NOW I'll spend time down the rabbit hole of all her sources and works cited. A couple of websites look promising.
July 11, 2016
Perhaps due to the age of this book (an updated version, but the original is well over a decade old), I did not enjoy reading it, as the information is old/outdated, and also, as I've read books that referenced this one IN them as source material, many of the stories and statistics I've read before. That said, it is an important book- one of the very first written to identify the culture of the bystander in the problem of bullying, and one that (as more recent books and articles on the topic often forget to pinpoint) reminds people of the massive difference between things like teasing and taunting, bullying and cattiness, "kids being kids" and cruelty-- and there are definitely actual differences, to be sure. In many more modern texts, these ideas are left out, which, in my opinion, weakens the ferocity and gravitas of actual bullying when it occurs. Two stars, because though it may be a breakthrough and important book on the topic, it is very dry, and took me forever to get through, even though it is very short. Recommended for anyone studying the topic, but beyond that, not necessary, and probably would be more useful to read something more recently written.
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