Richard Carlson was an American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker. His book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all Small Stuff (1997), was USA Today's bestselling book for two consecutive years and spent over 101 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list. It was published in 135 countries and translated into Latvian, Polish, Icelandic, Serbian and 26 other languages. Carlson went on to write 20 books.
I am not much of a self-help reader (occasionally I will read a Christian living/theology book but that's really it), but I recommend this book to everyone. There are some real pearls of wisdom therein (if you will pardon the cliche'). I definitely believe some of these strategies are intuitive, that you probably utilize some as survival mechanisms in your daily routine, just to get through the day and dealing with others. But it never hurts to get a gentle reminder. My recommendation is to keep this book at work in your drawer, or in your tote bag. Pull it out when you need a few minutes to recharge your juices. You will find yourself putting some of these tips to use right away. As a shy, conflict-avoiding person who went into a field where I have to deal with people (often difficult and often stressed and not always pleasant) everyday, I think anyone who has to be around and communicate with others heavily can use these skills in this book.
What I really like about this book is how easy it is to read. Although Dr. Carlson is a PhD, he doesn't write in such a way to sound more scholarly and less down to earth. And this book is fairly inexpensive. I got it for $9 at Barnes and Noble. I'm sure you can find it even cheaper if you tried. I believe his goal really is to help. He uses a friendly, conversation writing style that is very down to earth and concise (He sorts of reminds me of Christian writer Max Lucado in that sense). Each chapter is no more than three pages at the most, but so much good information is included, plus personal examples of how the strategy was used by the author. Nothing like seeing that the writer struggles in the same ways as the rest of us.
Update One:This week, I had one of those Mondays you really don't want to have. I pulled this book out of my tote and started reading it. It helped me to feel better because it really does put things into perspective. We make big deals out of stuff that we really shouldn't. We make our lives into soap operas when they don't have to be. Why? It's such a waste of energy that we could be using to fuel our daily lives in better, more productive ways. With a fringe benefit of leaving us plenty of energy to be content and enjoy our lives. Dr. Carlson really gets to the heart of that in this book.
At the time of update one, I was still reading this book. I started this review before I finished the book, in order to get some of my thoughts down (before they fly out of my head).
Some lessons from this book that I applied to my life this week:
-Don't sweat the small stuff (the titular lesson--which bears repeating as a daily mantra) -Develop your compassion -Remind yourself that when you die, your 'in basket' won't be empty -Choose your battles wisely -Become a better listener -Choose being kind over being right -Practice humility
Final update:
What a rewarding reading experience. This is the one self-help book you really should read. It doesn't matter if you're religious, atheist, whatever. You can gain some wonderful insight from this book. At the final reading, I could see how the advice in this book would have helped me in a challenge I faced a day or so before. It still helps on the other end, giving me the insight to look at things from a more healthy viewpoint. Stress kills, and I have come to the realization that I don't want to die from stress-related health problems, which I could be on the fast track to doing if I don't change my outlook. This book helped me today. I had to deal with a person that I did not have a good experience with the first time around. The advice this book gave me about listening to someone and what that person is truly saying, and trying not to interrupt, and trying to see the 'innocence' in them, well it was simply invaluable. I promise, I am not the type to hype self-help books! But I can't help but praise this one. Some of the powerful things I read about today:
-Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-drama -Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts -Be Happy Where You Are -Quiet the Mind -Think of Your Problem as Potential Teachers -Get Comfortable Not Knowing -Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being -Cut Yourself Some Slack -Stop Blaming Others -Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems -The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Point of View First -Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell You Something) -Redefine a "Meaningful Accomplishment" -If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don't Have to Catch It -One More Passing Show -Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts and a very good lesson for me.... Trust Your Instinctive Heart!
I am so glad I bought this book. It will not be one that I shove to the back of my bookshelf, to pull out rarely, if ever. It's going to be one that I carry around with me as I walk through life. It won't replace the Bible for me. It's not that kind of book. But whatever your belief is, it never hurts to put things into perspective. And that is the simple message of this book. You can learn to realize that the small stuff isn't worth all the drama, and in the sum of things it's all small stuff, as the title says.
short review for busy readers: As they say, Confucius didn鈥檛 invent Confucianism, he compiled 鈥榞ood idea鈥� texts into a bundle that people really took to heart. That's what we've got here, too.
in detail: The contents of this book are not all so original and since publication in the 90s many of the things he talks about have become mainstream (see: Mindfulness), but that鈥檚 not the point. The point is to present a selection of good ideas and simple techniques that, when applied more or less consistently, probably will have a positive effect on your outlook and dealings with others.
Many of them you鈥檒l already know or practice鈥ut it鈥檚 good to be reminded every once in a while.
For example: 馃尀 Think of someone daily to mentally thank, even if you don鈥檛 know them and you only saw them once on the street. This helps you just appreciate other people and the little stuff. 馃尀 If someone criticises you, agree with them sometimes. See if you can see yourself through their eyes. You might be surprised at what you find. 馃尀 Let other people be right鈥ven if you don鈥檛 think they are. (You don鈥檛 have to argue or assert your opinion all the time.) 馃尀 Life isn鈥檛 an emergency. Many of the crisis in people鈥檚 lives are making things more important than they are or have any right to be.
The tone of the book is conversational and I can very much see why it鈥檚 considered a classic of Self-Help literature, which is I genre I enjoy even though I completely agree with a lot of the criticism of it.
This book was on the nightstand in a friend's guest room where I stayed recently - its natural habitat, I suppose; where else would you expect to find a book like this?
I read it over breakfast and it offers a bunch of tips on cultivating acceptance and loving kindness:
-Imagine an irritating person as a tiny infant and then as a 100-year-old (OK, this made me tear up); -When someone criticizes you, start by agreeing with them (valuable skill!); -Nurture a plant - talk to the plant, tell it you love it (I thought about the lavender struggling for life on my kitchen windowsill and promised it that I would do better?)
There's a fair number of vaguely condescending and obnoxious parables from the author's own life, and I'll be disregarding his repeated suggestion to wake up at 430am to write and meditate (glad it works for you, though, buddy!)
If you've been to a yoga class or flirted with meditation, a lot of this will probably sound familiar or maybe even be second nature to you already, but it's a nice book and I felt a little more loving and kind after reading it.
Okay so it's not "cool" to read self-help books and, frankly, most of them give me the heebie jeebies, but I think this book was kind of spot-on. I liked how the ideas were presented in small vignettes instead of a massive tome that overwhelms more than inspires. I think Carlson has a good point in suggesting that maybe we make a big deal out of things that aren't such a big deal. I'm a pretty easy going person for the most part (oh, except for that depression thing) and a lot of what he says reflects my own philosophy. There were even a few new suggestions that I thought were helpful.
In general, this is a book for someone who's a little too uptight, a little too stressed, and a little too much of a worrier.
There is some great advice in this book. It's very fitting that the author ends the book by telling you to live each day as if it was your last, because he himself died unexpectedly during a flight from San Francisco to New York in 2006. He was only 45 years old. Life truly is short. None of us knows when it will end, so we need to cherish it. In this and many other pieces of advice, I couldn't agree with the author more.
There is a fair amount of repetition in this book, which at first was annoying, until I realized he was repeating what he likely considered the most important lessons. And I agree that they're important. Still somewhat annoying, but understandable. There was also one chapter I didn't appreciate where he brought religion into the picture: "learn to recognize God's fingerprints on everything", or something to that effect. In my opinion religion has no place in content that is otherwise based in science.
Some of the advice also didn't apply to me, and it may not apply to you either. In addition, many of his real-life examples are only relatable to certain people, and so I didn't relate to them. I also found that a lot of the information was basic common sense, so I knew it already and therefore it didn't add a ton of value.
Criticisms aside, this is a book worth reading. Did it change my life? No. Well, maybe. Let's see. I'm going to implement as many of the great lessons and tips here into my life as I can. In time, this book may indeed change my life.
Sounds dramatic but this book has been life changing for me in how I approach life. How had I never read this!!! Not only have I read it twice, I took detailed notes and bought the audio book so I have it playing in my car on repeat. I am someone who has always had bad anxiety and it's helped me tremendously, but the real value and difference comes in constantly reinforcing and reminding myself these lessons every single day otherwise I just go back into my old habits.
My mom read this a long time ago and gave it to me as a gift insisting that I read it.
Overall, the book is an easy read filled with wisdom and advice that is generally good to hear, but it is essentially a repackaging of Buddhist philosophy applied to a 1990s white American middle/upper class suburban setting lol.
There are a fair number of vaguely condescending and bizarre commentary and parables from the author himself. One example: he blames "the culture of blaming others" (kind of ironic lol) for leading to "ridiculous excuses that get criminals off the hook" (lions, bears, rising crime rates, oh my!). He dedicates a whole chapter actually titled, "Adopt a Child Through the Mail" that basically says, "you too can be happy, fulfilled, and be reminded of your privilege by 'adopting' a child from a random 'third-world' country! WOW!" "See! Life's not bad! At least you're not a poor and helpless starving child that needs your saving!" This is an actual line from that chapter, "My six-year old has an adoptee, and has enjoyed and learned from the experience a great deal ... I think that the reason we enjoy this type of giving so much is that it's interactive." (bolded is my emphasis) LMAO. Yeah ok, buddy. Tell us you're a white savior without telling us a white savior. At multiple points, he preaches the importance of not being judgmental by continuing to neurotically bring up the example of the "punk rockers" who change their hair color *gasp* Sounds like you're sweating the small stuff, buddy ... let it go! He also repeatedly advises to wake up at 3am/4am to have personal time even if it means sacrificing sleep. Weird advice for a book that preaches mindfulness and listening to your own body and its needs. Buddy, do you sleep at 7pm (how else do you get 7-8 hours)?? Or are you constantly sleep deprived?? Glad it works for you though, friend!
This book could also have been legitimately 75% shorter. There are multiple instances where the author repeats and regurgitates the same advice in different words.
Example 1 aka stop talking over people! Ch 7 - Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences Ch 28 - Seek First to Understand Ch 29 - Become a Better Listener Ch 55 - Breathe Before You Speak
Example 2 aka don't brag about how benevolent you are! Ch 8 - Do Something Nice for Someone Else--and Don't Tell Anyone About It Ch 9 - Let Others Have the Glory Ch 12 - Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time Ch 34 - Practice Random Acts of Kindness Ch 73 - Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life Ch 74 - Do a Favor and Don't Ask For, or Expect, One in Return
Example 3 aka none of this will matter because we are all gonna die! Ch 6 - Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your 'In Basket' Won't Be Empty Ch 16 - Ask Yourself the Question, "Will This Matter a Year from Now?" Ch 21 - Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral Ch 82 - Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People Ch 90 - One More Passing Show Ch 100 - Live This Day as if It Were Your Last. It Might Be!
Example 4 aka here are stressful to-do lists! Ch 20 - Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter Ch 24 - Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank Ch 25 - Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello Ch 38 - Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them Ch 42 - Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love Ch 46 - Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them
Example 5 aka random platitudes that all kind of end up blending together! Ch 5 - Develop Your Compassion Ch 10 - Learn to Live in the Present Moment Ch 13 - Become More Patient Ch 18 - Allow Yourself to Be Bored Ch 30 - Choose Your Battles Wisely Ch 32 - Life Is a Test. It is Only a Test Ch 39 - Practice Humility Ch 58 - Relax (lol) Ch 60 - Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-Drama Ch 62 - Do One Thing at a Time Ch 63 - Count to Ten Ch 69 - Be Happy Where You Are Ch 71 - Quiet the Mind Ch 72 - Take Up Yoga Ch 83 - Lighten Up Ch 84 - Nurture a Plant Ch 91 - Fill Your Life with Love Ch 92 - Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts Ch 95 - Trust Your Intuitive Heart Ch 96 - Be Open to "What Is" Ch 97 - Mind your Own Business Ch 98 - Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary
My advice: skip this and go to the source material from which this book takes -- Buddhist philosophy. There are also significantly better self-help books out there.
Only reason that this is 1.5 stars is for the wording of the advice, "Don't sweat the small stuff." It's a good reminder! Also, I had too much fun writing this review lmao.
Once I get over pressured, the second thing I always do is to read this book(of course the first and foremost is to pray).
When we are pressured and stressed, we waste our time minding the tinsy minsy stuff in this world instead of fixing and turning our faces into what really pushes us into the edge. This inspiring book tells us literally NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF and to stop the things that slow our progress in attaining a life free from stress.
In the struggle of attaining freedom from stress, it is hard to accept that those we're feeling are training us to become something bigger and stronger. And because of this book, I think that is how life works. We have to remind ourselves to go with the flow and not to break in those difficult times. Fighting the pressure is often what pushes us to the edge.
This book tells us to look optimistically at things and more importantly...stress. haha!
Lastly, the book opens up the true purpose of life beneath our trials and struggle. And that we should value EVERY PIECE of our life :)
The concept of this book is an admirable one: how to relieve stress in your life and achieve a higher level of inner peace. However, while reading this book I found myself becoming more stressed out! This book is set up as essentially a list (YES! Another list!) of different methods and techniques that you can use to try and relieve stress from your life. As I am reading the list of different ideas, they make sense, but I feel as though this book was throwing too much at me for any of it to really sink in. It would have been much better if Dr. Carlson had taken a few ideas and gone more in depth with them, as opposed to a very brief overview. If you're truly stressed out and looking to relieve a little bit of it, I would not recommend turning to this book for guidance.
Snippets of good behavioral advice that anyone can accept....but putting them into practice? Like so many books of the "self help" variety, all good stuff however people who are strongly locked into behaving in ways that are contrary to the direction being proposed here might find this book and so many others like it, just another stick to beat themselves with for not being OK. The kinds of change that are required of people to have the behavioral changes described here take root are trans formative, that normally requires change at depth through long and arduous spiritual work. This doesn't beg the value of the advice given just the presumption that a quick read and an "uh huh" will bring about the changes necessary to alter habitual behavior.
Books offering quick fix paths to happiness are often delusional in their intent, if not in their content. In this case some good stuff, particularly if it were to encourage some self examination at depth...and support the work that might flow from it.
Like so many books for self-help, there's a huge disconnect between the ease of stating the philosophy, and the ease of implementing it. Besides the huge disconnect between the imagined problem being solved and the real problems most people face.
There was a major occasion in my young adult life, might have been a graduation or something, when my mother stopped me in my tracks, looked me in the eye, and said, 鈥淒on鈥檛 sweat the small stuff!鈥� It鈥檚 true that she knows me better than I know myself, because I have been known to freak out over:
鈥� People who chew with their mouths open 鈥� Lateness (mine or others鈥�) 鈥� Plans that don鈥檛 work out 鈥� Some guy batting .190 not bunting with a runner on second and no outs in a tie game in extra innings in the playoffs (I swear to GOD)
And thus, this book spoke to me.
I got a little exasperated (clearly my comprehension sucks) when I saw Chapter 84: 鈥淟ighten Up.鈥� Easy for you to say!
But on the whole the book has wonderful, bite-size lessons for taking things less seriously. The longest chapter has four pages, and most have two. It鈥檚 plain English, written like speech (and I listened a bit to the audiobook, which was great).
Some great takeaways:
鈥� No one will remember your problems in 100 years. 鈥� Express gratitude a lot. 鈥� Wherever you go, there you are. 鈥� Take your Type A tendencies down to B or B-minus.
I also liked that this was a handbook, almost a list I can return to daily. I could see reading one chapter a day for 100 days, then starting again until I memorize the whole thing.
Offering wisdom in bite-sized portions, this timeless guide is a companion to keep by your bedside, ready to provide comfort and perspective whenever life's challenges seem overwhelming. It鈥檚 like having a wise friend offering counsel whenever you need it most.
Each short chapter addresses Carlson's insights into navigating life's complexities with grace and mindfulness, helping to find peace in the midst of chaos, fostering gratitude, or embracing the present moment.
The brevity of each chapter makes the book perfect for casual reading or for those moments when you need a quick dose of inspiration. The advice is not only practical but also seems deeply rooted in the author's genuine desire to help others live happier lives.
I honestly adore this book. This is probably one of the best self-help books I have ever read. Sure, sometimes it read like a personal attack. There were moments during the three months鈥� time I was reading this that I wanted to tell the author to shut the *#%! up because I thought he was being overly righteous and stuff but that would be really rude considering he has long passed away. Seriously though, if the author were alive, I would probably write him a thank you letter and if I had a chance and had he allowed, I would have given him a big hug.
This has been extremely helpful. It felt like reading it dug me out of this self-sabotaging grave I unwittingly buried myself in. Since I lost my dad, I have started to feel like a boat unmoored and this book kind of helped me find a bit more direction and understand life and myself (especially as a novice mom) a little bit better.
Let me just share some of my ultimate favorite excerpts from the book. I would quote the entire book if it were allowed.
鈥淲e live our lives as if they were one great big emergency! We often rush around looking busy, trying to solve problems, but in reality, we are often compounding them. Because everything seems like such a big deal, we end up spending our lives dealing with one drama after another.鈥�
鈥淭he need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other.鈥�
鈥淕ently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine.鈥�
鈥淭he fact that life isn鈥檛 fair doesn鈥檛 mean we shouldn鈥檛 do everything in our power to improve our own lives or the world as a whole.鈥�
鈥淧ity is a self-defeating emotion that does nothing for anyone except to make everyone feel worse than they already do.鈥�
鈥淧raise and blame are all the same. The more content I鈥檝e become, the less I depend on them for my sense of well-being.鈥�
鈥淭he beauty of doing nothing is that it teaches you to clear your mind and relax.鈥�
鈥淕ratitude and inner peace go hand in hand.鈥�
鈥淭he truth is life is almost never as bad as it seems when you鈥檙e in a low mood.鈥�
鈥淐hoose being kind than being right most of the time.鈥�
鈥淏reathe before you speak.鈥�
鈥淧ractice ignoring your negative thoughts.鈥�
鈥淒o a favor and don鈥檛 ask for or expect one in return. Giving is its own reward.鈥�
鈥淭hink of your problems as potential teachers.鈥�
鈥淩edefine a meaningful accomplishment. Was I kind to myself and others? Did I overreact to a challenge, or was I calm and collected? Am I happy? Did I forgive?鈥�
鈥淩ealize the power of your own thoughts. In order to experience a feeling, you must first have a thought that produces that feeling. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies negative feeling about your life. Treat negative thoughts like flies, shoo them away and get on with your day.鈥�
鈥淟earn to be happy with what you have by being more present-moment oriented. Develop a new appreciation for the blessings you already enjoy.鈥�
鈥淢ind your own business.鈥�
鈥淚f you look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, you can train yourself to see it. 鈥�
鈥淟ive each day as if it were your last. It might be!鈥�
This is not a book that I read one time and never looked back at. This has become a guidebook for living my entire life. This book related so deeply with me and opened my eyes to simple ways I can lean into the joy of my life on a daily basis. LOVE THIS BOOK.
This is an excellent book that could change the readers' behavior for the better.
The history of the book itself reveals how the author is ever ready to learn from the day-to-day happenings of life. He got the idea of the title 'Don't sweat the Small Stuff' from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in the course of business correspondence; and he has developed it as a valuable book for all.
There are one hundred maxims in the book, all of which deserve serious consideration. For the benefit of my readers, I shall list ten of them that belong to the first class.
1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. Let go the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be super achievers. 3. Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences. 4. Learn to live in the present moment. 5. Become a better listener. 6. Choose your battles wisely. 7. Remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it. 8. Practice ignoring your negative thoughts. 9. Take up Yoga. 10.Mind your own business.
This book would certainly help anybody to gain a more realistic and relaxed attitude toward life in general.
Audience this book is for: - Affluent, white, religious, age 45+ - Anyone else that's been historically talented at dismissing the personal struggles of others.
I'm being cheeky, and there are a few good pieces of advice, but most of the time I was annoyed by the author's dismissive attitude and oversimplification of the issues. /Shrug
I actually appreciated more than I thought I would. Most things I knew or thought I did. The gentle reminders are great to meditate on. This is all about getting yourself to a better, happier place. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I can use it. There are interest tips here that are simply a mind-shift that brings happiness or a bit less stress into our lives. I loved most of them. Some did nothing for me but that is to be expected. Others felt redundant to some already given. A worthwhile read.
This is a compilation of 100 different anxiety-related tips. There were definitely some pearls of wisdom, but as a 鈥減eople pleaser鈥�, I thought some of the tips were counter-productive to that (sometimes a girls got to stick up for herself, ya-know?).
This is a late entry, but I鈥檓 finally going back and adding these books to my GRs!
I finished this book as part of a 鈥渂ook boot camp鈥� challenge! See my full video review below 鉂わ笍馃摎
I Read 7 Best-Selling Books on Anxiety and had this *breakthrough* with my panic disorder...
What a load of self serving egotistical crap. It is en vogue to say how wonderful this book is but I found it to be just the authors way of telling you how wonderful he is. Pity one star is the lowest.