What do you think?
Rate this book
Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
Have you read "that book" on non-monogamy and still wondered "But how do you actually DO this?"Are you totally great on the theory of open relationships, but feel like you don't know how it works in practice?Join Dr. Liz Powell, psychologist, speaker, and coach, as she draws from her education, research, and life experience to bring you Building Open Relationships. This new book is an all-inclusive guide to beginning and maintaining your non-monogamous life, no matter where you fall under the non-monogamous umbrella.Complete with worksheets, discussion starters, examples, and hard-won lessons (i.e. my mistakes), this book will give you all the tools you need to be more successful in non-monogamy.
312 pages, Paperback
Published July 3, 2018
76 people are currently reading
435 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
July 23, 2018
4.5 stars. I loved, loved, LOVED this book, and will be rereading it frequently. The half star deduction is because the author refers to downloadable worksheets, which, as of the date of this review, are not yet live on the website she points us to. Hopefully they will be soon (but they ARE included in the book, anyway, we simply can't download EXTRA copies at this time).
Disclaimer: I am acquainted with the author through social media and have met her in person.
This book is a combination of how-to, for open relationships, with autobiographical details about how the author made mistakes - or in rare instance, how she did things right. Mostly, she takes an unsparing look at how her actions might have hurt others and not so healthy for her, as well. The style is engaging and easy to read, the font is literally easy to read (I have the paperback version); the chapter order makes sense, and each chapter is laid out in a logical manner.
Did I mention I love this book? So many of the things she lays out as problems and pitfalls of open relationships are things I have seen, both in my own relationships, and in those of others in discussion groups in which I participate. Like me, Dr. Liz identifies as solo polyamorous, which is a relationship configuration not often seen or explored in depth in mainstream media. She tackles the hard subject, from NRE (New Relationship Energy): how to cope when YOU have it, how to cope when a partner has it; metamour (partners of one's partners) relationships; upleveling or downleveling an existing relationship; breakups; even death of a partner. And she does it without bashing monogamy, which IS a valid choice for many people! Nor does she bash triads or other relationship configurations, simply noting they don't work for everyone.
The worksheet tools she offers, things like preparing for difficult conversations, are worth the price of admission alone. Which is, for the paperback version, a little pricey, but there isn't a dud page in any of the 320+ pages. I cannot recommend this book enough for those in or exploring ethical non-monogamous relationships.
Disclaimer: I am acquainted with the author through social media and have met her in person.
This book is a combination of how-to, for open relationships, with autobiographical details about how the author made mistakes - or in rare instance, how she did things right. Mostly, she takes an unsparing look at how her actions might have hurt others and not so healthy for her, as well. The style is engaging and easy to read, the font is literally easy to read (I have the paperback version); the chapter order makes sense, and each chapter is laid out in a logical manner.
Did I mention I love this book? So many of the things she lays out as problems and pitfalls of open relationships are things I have seen, both in my own relationships, and in those of others in discussion groups in which I participate. Like me, Dr. Liz identifies as solo polyamorous, which is a relationship configuration not often seen or explored in depth in mainstream media. She tackles the hard subject, from NRE (New Relationship Energy): how to cope when YOU have it, how to cope when a partner has it; metamour (partners of one's partners) relationships; upleveling or downleveling an existing relationship; breakups; even death of a partner. And she does it without bashing monogamy, which IS a valid choice for many people! Nor does she bash triads or other relationship configurations, simply noting they don't work for everyone.
The worksheet tools she offers, things like preparing for difficult conversations, are worth the price of admission alone. Which is, for the paperback version, a little pricey, but there isn't a dud page in any of the 320+ pages. I cannot recommend this book enough for those in or exploring ethical non-monogamous relationships.
January 25, 2021
I’m so glad I got to hear Dr. Powell speak at an event in the Before Times because their voice and energy came through these pages! (If you haven’t yet had the pleasure, Dr. Powell was high energy, worked a room of 40+ people, and was very charming and kind-spirited.) The result is an accessible, practical, and grounded read that is part storytelling, part toolkit, part therapy session.
I went into the book with some background in + experience with polyamory and kink communities, but I think this could be a solid choice for anyone looking to develop or explore their relationships for whatever reason. :) (Note: overall, this book is very light on kink but there were some poignant mentions.)
This book is not a historical primer, and it doesn’t carry much of an international lens. This also isn’t a critique of power, oppression, or monogamy, but those themes are mentioned.
I admit that I have never... ever?... read a book about building strong cis-het relationships, so I’m not sure how this compares to mainstream relationship books but it’s full of pretty great worksheets, offers incredible (nonviolent!!) sample language, and gently redirects issues back to the reader (eg - “If [challenge] is coming up for you, take a breath and know it’s normal. Now get curious and compassionate and ask yourself where you learned [lessons or messages related to the challenge]. Are those lessons or messages things you want to perpetuate in your own life moving forward?�)
I went into the book with some background in + experience with polyamory and kink communities, but I think this could be a solid choice for anyone looking to develop or explore their relationships for whatever reason. :) (Note: overall, this book is very light on kink but there were some poignant mentions.)
This book is not a historical primer, and it doesn’t carry much of an international lens. This also isn’t a critique of power, oppression, or monogamy, but those themes are mentioned.
I admit that I have never... ever?... read a book about building strong cis-het relationships, so I’m not sure how this compares to mainstream relationship books but it’s full of pretty great worksheets, offers incredible (nonviolent!!) sample language, and gently redirects issues back to the reader (eg - “If [challenge] is coming up for you, take a breath and know it’s normal. Now get curious and compassionate and ask yourself where you learned [lessons or messages related to the challenge]. Are those lessons or messages things you want to perpetuate in your own life moving forward?�)
December 22, 2024
Building Open Relationships by Dr. Liz Powell offers a comprehensive and refreshingly pragmatic approach to ethical non-monogamy. As both a clinical psychologist and someone who practices polyamory, Powell brings a unique blend of professional expertise and lived experience to this guidebook.
★★★★½ (4.5/5 Stars)
The book's greatest strength lies in its methodical deconstruction of the emotional and practical aspects of open relationships. Powell doesn't simply prescribe a one-size-fits-all approach, but rather guides readers through a process of self-discovery and relationship examination. Their writing style strikes an elegant balance between clinical precision and warm accessibility, making complex psychological concepts digestible without oversimplification.
Particularly noteworthy is Powell's nuanced treatment of jealousy and compersion (feeling joy at a partner's other relationships). Rather than dismissing jealousy as something to be overcome, they frame it as information about our needs and insecurities that deserves careful attention. This approach exemplifies the book's overall emphasis on emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
The structural organization deserves special praise. Powell builds their guidance layer by layer, beginning with fundamental concepts like consent and communication before progressing to more advanced topics like managing multiple relationships and navigating common challenges. Each chapter includes practical exercises and reflection questions that transform theoretical knowledge into actionable insights.
Where the book particularly shines is in its intersectional approach. Powell explicitly addresses how factors like race, disability, gender identity, and class impact non-monogamous relationships - an aspect often overlooked in similar guides. Their discussion of how privilege and systemic inequities affect relationship dynamics adds crucial depth to the discourse.
If there's a limitation, it's that some readers might find the level of detail overwhelming. Powell leaves no stone unturned, which can make the book feel dense at times. However, this thoroughness is also its strength - it serves as both an introduction for newcomers and a reference guide for those with more experience.
The section on communication tools and conflict resolution strategies is particularly valuable, offering concrete techniques that would benefit any relationship, monogamous or not. Powell's background in psychology shines through in their detailed exploration of attachment styles and their impact on non-monogamous relationships.
Personal Resonance: What sets this work apart is its ability to normalize the challenges of open relationships while providing practical tools for addressing them. Powell's writing creates a sense of having a knowledgeable mentor guide you through complex territory, offering reassurance without minimizing the work involved.
Critically, the book succeeds in bridging theory and practice. While many relationship guides tend toward either abstract philosophy or oversimplified rule sets, Powell maintains a careful balance between conceptual understanding and practical application.
Recommended for:
- Those considering or new to ethical non-monogamy
- Experienced practitioners seeking to deepen their understanding
- Therapists and counselors working with non-monogamous clients
- Anyone interested in improving their relationship communication skills
This book stands as an essential contribution to the literature on ethical non-monogamy, offering a thorough, compassionate, and practical roadmap for navigating open relationships. Its blend of psychological insight, practical guidance, and inclusive perspective makes it a valuable resource for anyone interested in exploring relationships beyond traditional monogamy.
★★★★½ (4.5/5 Stars)
The book's greatest strength lies in its methodical deconstruction of the emotional and practical aspects of open relationships. Powell doesn't simply prescribe a one-size-fits-all approach, but rather guides readers through a process of self-discovery and relationship examination. Their writing style strikes an elegant balance between clinical precision and warm accessibility, making complex psychological concepts digestible without oversimplification.
Particularly noteworthy is Powell's nuanced treatment of jealousy and compersion (feeling joy at a partner's other relationships). Rather than dismissing jealousy as something to be overcome, they frame it as information about our needs and insecurities that deserves careful attention. This approach exemplifies the book's overall emphasis on emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
The structural organization deserves special praise. Powell builds their guidance layer by layer, beginning with fundamental concepts like consent and communication before progressing to more advanced topics like managing multiple relationships and navigating common challenges. Each chapter includes practical exercises and reflection questions that transform theoretical knowledge into actionable insights.
Where the book particularly shines is in its intersectional approach. Powell explicitly addresses how factors like race, disability, gender identity, and class impact non-monogamous relationships - an aspect often overlooked in similar guides. Their discussion of how privilege and systemic inequities affect relationship dynamics adds crucial depth to the discourse.
If there's a limitation, it's that some readers might find the level of detail overwhelming. Powell leaves no stone unturned, which can make the book feel dense at times. However, this thoroughness is also its strength - it serves as both an introduction for newcomers and a reference guide for those with more experience.
The section on communication tools and conflict resolution strategies is particularly valuable, offering concrete techniques that would benefit any relationship, monogamous or not. Powell's background in psychology shines through in their detailed exploration of attachment styles and their impact on non-monogamous relationships.
Personal Resonance: What sets this work apart is its ability to normalize the challenges of open relationships while providing practical tools for addressing them. Powell's writing creates a sense of having a knowledgeable mentor guide you through complex territory, offering reassurance without minimizing the work involved.
Critically, the book succeeds in bridging theory and practice. While many relationship guides tend toward either abstract philosophy or oversimplified rule sets, Powell maintains a careful balance between conceptual understanding and practical application.
Recommended for:
- Those considering or new to ethical non-monogamy
- Experienced practitioners seeking to deepen their understanding
- Therapists and counselors working with non-monogamous clients
- Anyone interested in improving their relationship communication skills
This book stands as an essential contribution to the literature on ethical non-monogamy, offering a thorough, compassionate, and practical roadmap for navigating open relationships. Its blend of psychological insight, practical guidance, and inclusive perspective makes it a valuable resource for anyone interested in exploring relationships beyond traditional monogamy.
December 9, 2020
The subtitle of this book says it all as it is truly a "hands on guide" in that there is a wealth of workbook type exercises from "What Does My Desire Look Like?" and "What Am I Committing To?" all the way through to "Prep Sheet For Touch Conversations" and "Preparing For Deaths"!
And of course, Powell offers common sense advice and education on every facet of relationships from developing healthy boundaries to managing risk and solid communication skills. While there are whole sections (as you would expect) on "Special Non-Monogamy Situations", the truth is that relationships of all types benefit from the advice given because in all relationships we deal with assumptions, anxieties, and miscommunication. This is something that has become quite clear in reading books on non-monogamy: the skills and processes that are essential for successful non-monogamous relationships are pretty much the same as necessary for monogamous relationships! So, this is a book I can recommend to anyone in relationship or "between relationships" as you prepare for what comes next!
And of course, Powell offers common sense advice and education on every facet of relationships from developing healthy boundaries to managing risk and solid communication skills. While there are whole sections (as you would expect) on "Special Non-Monogamy Situations", the truth is that relationships of all types benefit from the advice given because in all relationships we deal with assumptions, anxieties, and miscommunication. This is something that has become quite clear in reading books on non-monogamy: the skills and processes that are essential for successful non-monogamous relationships are pretty much the same as necessary for monogamous relationships! So, this is a book I can recommend to anyone in relationship or "between relationships" as you prepare for what comes next!
September 14, 2019
Having been in non-monogamous relationships for almost 15 years, the book still gave me a few new ideas.
I really appreciate that the book doesn't get hung up on specific relationship styles, and that it's very critical of some of the ethical issues that often come with hierarchical relationships. However, it seems to me that the book is advocating an approach to relationships as something that needs to be "managed" (with all the liberal/neoliberal baggage that comes with the term).
I really appreciate that the book doesn't get hung up on specific relationship styles, and that it's very critical of some of the ethical issues that often come with hierarchical relationships. However, it seems to me that the book is advocating an approach to relationships as something that needs to be "managed" (with all the liberal/neoliberal baggage that comes with the term).
February 27, 2019
This is less of an encyclopedia for identifying different types of non-monogamous relationships, and more of a field manual for how to negotiate and navigate them yourself. It offers a lot of tips and best practices, many with anecdotes from the author's own experiences, to help you determine which type of relationship would work best for you and how to get out there and get it.
August 28, 2019
I've read most of the popular recommended books for polyam folx - More Than Two, Opening Up, etc - and found this blew the rest of them away. Great information, great ideas, great delivery. This is my go-to recommendation for people in or exploring nonmonogamy, or even just for those who want to know more about it.
April 22, 2024
This book is partly a window into some absolutely bananas (said without judgment, to each their own) subcultures but mostly, as the therapist said when recommending it, a book about relationships and communication. And at that, it's a pretty good one--not earth-shattering, but with a few good pieces of advice that I think about from time to time having finished it.
February 22, 2020
this book has wise insights about every situation, solid advice on how to treat others, and is very aware of power and privilege and the ways they play out in relationships. also, the writing level is suuuuuper accessible. 10/10 stars, would recommend to a friend
April 30, 2021
So good, I wish I had read it sooner! Liz covers a lot of bases and looks at some of the intersectional issues in polyamory, offers a lot of insight, personal experience, and worksheets/questions to help along the way.
September 18, 2023
Fabulous book
September 3, 2021
Best book on poly I've read so far. Easy to read but also pretty comprehensive. It's great that it includes "getting started" plus provides more in-depth info that's useful while practicing non-monogamy like changing levels of seriousness and when the shit hits the fan. Includes lots of worksheets. I appreciate how non-judgemental it is - it's truly about finding what works for you and the folks you're in relationship with. I love that there's a section on addressing issues related to bias & structural systems of privilege as relates to non-monogamy.
March 20, 2024
The number of typos are borderline infuriating but the content is good! Some useful worksheets in here are available online, too.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get help and learn more about the design.