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賲丕丿乇蹖 讴賴 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲賲
亘爻蹖丕乇蹖 丕夭 賲卮讴賱丕鬲 毓丕胤賮蹖 賲丕 丿乇 亘夭乇诏鈥屫池з勠� 乇蹖卮賴 丿乇 丿賵乇丕賳 讴賵丿讴蹖鈥屬呚з� 丿丕乇丿. 賵賯鬲蹖 亘賴 禺丕胤乇 亘蹖鈥屫ж关呚ж� 丕噩丕夭賴 賳賲蹖鈥屫囒屬� 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 亘賴 賲丕 賳夭丿蹖讴 卮賵賳丿貙 蹖丕 賵賯鬲蹖 丕夭 賵丕亘爻鬲诏蹖 亘賴 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 賲蹖鈥屫必驰屬� 蹖丕 賲蹖鈥屫堌з囒屬� 亘賴 賴乇 賯蹖賲鬲蹖 丌賳鈥屬囏� 乇丕 乇丕囟蹖 賳诏賴 丿丕乇蹖賲貙 丕夭 賲卮讴賱丕鬲蹖 乇賳噩 賲蹖鈥屫ㄘ臂屬� 讴賴 亘乇丌賲丿賴 丕夭 乇賮鬲丕乇 賲丕丿乇丕賳賲丕賳 亘丕 賲丕爻鬲貙 賲丕丿乇丕賳蹖 讴賴 卮丕蹖丿 賴賲賴鈥屭嗃屫� 乇丕 丿乇 丕禺鬲蹖丕乇 賮乇夭賳丿卮丕賳 賯乇丕乇 丿丕丿賴 賵 丿乇 讴賳丕乇 丕賵 丨囟賵乇 賮蹖夭蹖讴蹖 丿丕卮鬲賴 亘丕卮賳丿貙 丕賲丕 亘賴 賱丨丕馗 毓丕胤賮蹖 亘賴 讴賵丿讴丕賳卮丕賳 亘蹖鈥屫ж关嗀й屰� 讴乇丿賴鈥屫з嗀� 蹖丕 丨鬲蹖 丌夭丕乇卮丕賳 丿丕丿賴鈥屫з嗀�. 噩丕爻賲蹖賳 賱蹖 讴賵乇蹖貙 丿乇 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘貙 睾蹖亘鬲 毓丕胤賮蹖 賲丕丿乇 乇丕 乇蹖卮踿 亘爻蹖丕乇蹖 丕夭 丕蹖賳 賲卮讴賱丕鬲 賲蹖鈥屫з嗀� 賵 爻毓蹖 賲蹖鈥屭┵嗀� 乇丕賴鈥屬囏й屰� 亘乇丕蹖 丕賱鬲蹖丕賲 丕蹖賳 夭禺賲鈥屬囏� 丕乇丕卅賴 丿賴丿.
328 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2010
1,837 people are currently reading
9,862 people want to read
About the author
Jasmin Lee Cori
14听books95听followersJasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in working with adults who experienced childhood abuse and neglect. She has worked in human service agencies and private practice, and taught psychology in colleges and professional schools. She is the author of numerous articles and five books, including Healing From Trauma.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 341 reviews
December 28, 2016
It's ok, guys - no one in my family is on GoodReads. :-)
This book was -awesome-.
This book was -awesome-.
Currently reading
May 31, 2011breathtaking...finally now I know...everything is not my fault...but its still sad because she will never change.
January 5, 2021
(Review 2012). I found this an extremely well-written book. Whilst there is clearly a self-help aspect to this book, it doesn't feel superficial or unrealistic as I find some other books that address the same issues.
I initially found the listing of what is good mothering and good mother messages triggering. While I had previously thought about everything listed, it was still a lot to take in and really hold and contemplate at once. It was an easier read after taking some time to process that.
Clearly Cori knows the in-and-outs and subtleties of having an emotionally absent caregiver. The information is presented in a way that would strike a cord even with those who flirt heavily with denial, either concerning their own parent or themselves as a parent; justifying or idealizing in attempts to avoid the emotional impact of their upbringing.
That said, I look forward to a book - or am looking for one, if anyone has any ideas - that addresses the father role. Whilst she states the idea of 'mother' could be anyone in care-taking role, the use of 'mother' language obviously provides some barrier to translating this material. There are also social and cultural differences for how a father's absence is viewed.
The exercises she offers all seem highly valuable and relevant, and worthy contemplations for anyone. I appreciated the encouragement and discussions of 'self-care' and self-compassion. And the acknowledgment that individuals can work towards healing NOW, by themselves (although support is preferable).
Overall, an insightful and helpful book. Probably has value for everyone to some degree. Even to become mindful of what it is to connect with children in a way that supports their healthy development.
I initially found the listing of what is good mothering and good mother messages triggering. While I had previously thought about everything listed, it was still a lot to take in and really hold and contemplate at once. It was an easier read after taking some time to process that.
Clearly Cori knows the in-and-outs and subtleties of having an emotionally absent caregiver. The information is presented in a way that would strike a cord even with those who flirt heavily with denial, either concerning their own parent or themselves as a parent; justifying or idealizing in attempts to avoid the emotional impact of their upbringing.
That said, I look forward to a book - or am looking for one, if anyone has any ideas - that addresses the father role. Whilst she states the idea of 'mother' could be anyone in care-taking role, the use of 'mother' language obviously provides some barrier to translating this material. There are also social and cultural differences for how a father's absence is viewed.
The exercises she offers all seem highly valuable and relevant, and worthy contemplations for anyone. I appreciated the encouragement and discussions of 'self-care' and self-compassion. And the acknowledgment that individuals can work towards healing NOW, by themselves (although support is preferable).
Overall, an insightful and helpful book. Probably has value for everyone to some degree. Even to become mindful of what it is to connect with children in a way that supports their healthy development.
July 16, 2013
In simple language this book describes how a mother who is disengaged, emotionally absent or emotionally detached can cause specific deficiencies in her children. Author Jasmin Cori describes exactly what a good mother does and what a disengaged mother does and how it makes the child feel. She also describes methods of therapy and states that there are three choices for healing 1. find a surrogate mother, 2. get professional therapy, 3. learn to mother yourself. I found that this book was the most helpful of all the books I read on the subject.
Favorite Quotes from the book:
Not feeling safe, on the other hand, is the setup for anxiety to take hold. ... It comes from feeling alone and unsupported in situations we can鈥檛 handle by ourselves and from being in relationships with unavailable or unresponsive caregivers.
p. 64
If a family claims you as their own but you don鈥檛 really feel that they know you are see you for who you are, you鈥檒l feel like an outsider within your own family.
p. 67
Receiving passive love can be deeply healing for undermothered women, who had to be so active in trying to earn love. - Soonja Kim
quoted on p. 136
Favorite Quotes from the book:
Not feeling safe, on the other hand, is the setup for anxiety to take hold. ... It comes from feeling alone and unsupported in situations we can鈥檛 handle by ourselves and from being in relationships with unavailable or unresponsive caregivers.
p. 64
If a family claims you as their own but you don鈥檛 really feel that they know you are see you for who you are, you鈥檒l feel like an outsider within your own family.
p. 67
Receiving passive love can be deeply healing for undermothered women, who had to be so active in trying to earn love. - Soonja Kim
quoted on p. 136
December 14, 2022
I come from a country with the highest suicide rate in Europe*. It鈥檚 rare to meet someone from here who can say they had their emotional needs met growing up. Many of us do not even realise we had such needs. After all, if I was clothed, fed, had a roof over my head, can I really complain?
Considering the historical and cultural context, it makes sense. Our parents had to live in the chaos of the Soviet Union鈥檚 collapse. Their parents had to survive impoverished communism. The list could go on and on. We cannot expect people to be tuned with deep emotions when they aren鈥檛 sure they will make it next month.
Eventually, someone has to break that generational curse. If our parents haven鈥檛, it may have to be us. This book helps us understand what needs we had as children and whether our parents were 鈥済ood enough鈥� not to leave us with a hole inside our hearts.
I鈥檇 recommend it to everyone.
鈥淵es, you got enough mothering to survive, but not enough for the kind of foundation that supports healthy self-confidence, initiative, resilience, trust, healthy entitlement, self-esteem, and the many other qualities we need to thrive in this challenging world.鈥�
*Suicide rate in Lithuania:
Considering the historical and cultural context, it makes sense. Our parents had to live in the chaos of the Soviet Union鈥檚 collapse. Their parents had to survive impoverished communism. The list could go on and on. We cannot expect people to be tuned with deep emotions when they aren鈥檛 sure they will make it next month.
Eventually, someone has to break that generational curse. If our parents haven鈥檛, it may have to be us. This book helps us understand what needs we had as children and whether our parents were 鈥済ood enough鈥� not to leave us with a hole inside our hearts.
I鈥檇 recommend it to everyone.
鈥淵es, you got enough mothering to survive, but not enough for the kind of foundation that supports healthy self-confidence, initiative, resilience, trust, healthy entitlement, self-esteem, and the many other qualities we need to thrive in this challenging world.鈥�
*Suicide rate in Lithuania:
Want to read
November 4, 2019I read a part of this and am now having to say I am not ready for this book yet. It is extremely deep for me and I'm not at the stage where this will be helpful. One day I hope to be, but not for a long time yet. Still too much therapy to be had.
June 21, 2017
Healing!
There were times when this book was tough to get through because of the strong emotions that are brought to the surface, but it was also comforting to know that others had experienced similar issues with difficult mothers. It is true that children of abusive mothers can be good at parenting despite the bad example they grew up with as I experienced flashbacks of traumatic moments from my own childhood while doing the most basic tasks for my beloved child and vowed never to treat my offspring in such an abusive manner.
There were times when this book was tough to get through because of the strong emotions that are brought to the surface, but it was also comforting to know that others had experienced similar issues with difficult mothers. It is true that children of abusive mothers can be good at parenting despite the bad example they grew up with as I experienced flashbacks of traumatic moments from my own childhood while doing the most basic tasks for my beloved child and vowed never to treat my offspring in such an abusive manner.
March 19, 2019
Essential reading for anyone feeling like they've been under mothered, incredibly informative and gentle.
May 6, 2024
鈥淲e let go of the past when we鈥檙e done with it. When we鈥檙e completely. It鈥檚 that simple. (pg 156)
It鈥檚 safe to say, this book has completely changed the trajectory of my healing life, I have consumed my fair share of self help, trauma recovery & parental trauma books. They all shared the same overall perspective and healing steps. This was drastically different and so much more helpful.
鈥淚t鈥檚 okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. 鈥� (pg 150)
Cori completely understands the nuanced dynamics between a neglectful and emotionally unavailable mother and her child. The many different ways neglect can affect someone well into adulthood and how to parent and love yourself. Those voices inside your head always saying horrible things? This will help to start the process of silencing them. Filled with exercises and writing tasks to help reflect and properly approach each chapter I found this extremely valuable. I ended up slowly working my way through this so I could properly express and understand what I was reading and feeling without getting overwhelmed.
鈥淣arcissistic mothers are confusing, because unlike the most emotionally shut-down mothers, they can be caring and supportive when they鈥檙e not threatened and especially when children are young鈥� (pg 132)
I highly recommend this to anyone that has fragmented parent relationships and can resonate to the above extracts. This is a valuable source.
It鈥檚 safe to say, this book has completely changed the trajectory of my healing life, I have consumed my fair share of self help, trauma recovery & parental trauma books. They all shared the same overall perspective and healing steps. This was drastically different and so much more helpful.
鈥淚t鈥檚 okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. 鈥� (pg 150)
Cori completely understands the nuanced dynamics between a neglectful and emotionally unavailable mother and her child. The many different ways neglect can affect someone well into adulthood and how to parent and love yourself. Those voices inside your head always saying horrible things? This will help to start the process of silencing them. Filled with exercises and writing tasks to help reflect and properly approach each chapter I found this extremely valuable. I ended up slowly working my way through this so I could properly express and understand what I was reading and feeling without getting overwhelmed.
鈥淣arcissistic mothers are confusing, because unlike the most emotionally shut-down mothers, they can be caring and supportive when they鈥檙e not threatened and especially when children are young鈥� (pg 132)
I highly recommend this to anyone that has fragmented parent relationships and can resonate to the above extracts. This is a valuable source.
December 30, 2019
Overall, this book was informative & helpful. If you are the product of an emotionally immature parent, a parent with mental issues or addiction or a parent that is a narcissist, this book is helpful for explaining so many things. It will also assure you that you aren't crazy for the feelings, issues & reservations you have.
My only gripe with this book is the "mothering yourself" bit. I can learn to cope with what is missing, even possibly get past it but I can't do for myself what an abusive parent did not do for me. There is a reason we need professionals & unfortunately, even some of them don't get it due to their own experience & what is versus what isn't acceptable in a given culture. To me, it crosses the line into magical thinking & seems to omitting the fact that if you have such a parent, and they are unapologetic, as I suspect most abusive parents are, that is a hard fact you have to learn to live. Some things require making amends & I do believe emotional & mental abuse & manipulation require that & it is unlikely to be forthcoming. The injured party can't do for themselves what the parent was supposed to do. They may be able to get it from other sources but to do the job itself, doesn't make sense at all. Most realize they are ill equipped to be parent to a child, so it doesn't follow that they'd be able to act as their own surrogate mother emotionally speaking. Perhaps you can learn to let go, and that is to an extent what some solutions seem to suggest but in tandem with mothering yourself, it seems to be a "shut up & get over it" so you can basically act normal, especially in a family where the abuser is still around & active & doesn't address the problem. I don't know how popular this idea is but it seems very faulty & unhelpful.
It did partially redeem itself in the last chapter with a few paragraphs about forgiveness. The important take away was how people are uncomfortable with the pain of others & push forgiveness for their own comfort & that it is essentially insensitive & bullshit. I'm thankful that someone can at least acknowledge that in a world where others seem to believe the opposite. Forgiveness only means something if the other person is actually sorry & wants to make amends, anything else is lying to yourself or asking others to lie to themselves.
Most of the book is informative & eye opening but that "mothering yourself" concept either needs to be thoroughly explained or it needs to go in the dust bin.
My only gripe with this book is the "mothering yourself" bit. I can learn to cope with what is missing, even possibly get past it but I can't do for myself what an abusive parent did not do for me. There is a reason we need professionals & unfortunately, even some of them don't get it due to their own experience & what is versus what isn't acceptable in a given culture. To me, it crosses the line into magical thinking & seems to omitting the fact that if you have such a parent, and they are unapologetic, as I suspect most abusive parents are, that is a hard fact you have to learn to live. Some things require making amends & I do believe emotional & mental abuse & manipulation require that & it is unlikely to be forthcoming. The injured party can't do for themselves what the parent was supposed to do. They may be able to get it from other sources but to do the job itself, doesn't make sense at all. Most realize they are ill equipped to be parent to a child, so it doesn't follow that they'd be able to act as their own surrogate mother emotionally speaking. Perhaps you can learn to let go, and that is to an extent what some solutions seem to suggest but in tandem with mothering yourself, it seems to be a "shut up & get over it" so you can basically act normal, especially in a family where the abuser is still around & active & doesn't address the problem. I don't know how popular this idea is but it seems very faulty & unhelpful.
It did partially redeem itself in the last chapter with a few paragraphs about forgiveness. The important take away was how people are uncomfortable with the pain of others & push forgiveness for their own comfort & that it is essentially insensitive & bullshit. I'm thankful that someone can at least acknowledge that in a world where others seem to believe the opposite. Forgiveness only means something if the other person is actually sorry & wants to make amends, anything else is lying to yourself or asking others to lie to themselves.
Most of the book is informative & eye opening but that "mothering yourself" concept either needs to be thoroughly explained or it needs to go in the dust bin.
May 19, 2021
讴鬲丕亘 賲丕丿乇蹖 讴賴 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲賲:
丿乇 丕亘鬲丿丕蹖 讴鬲丕亘 讴賴 賳賯丕胤 囟毓賮 卮禺氐蹖鬲貙 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 亘賴 乇賮鬲丕乇 賴丕蹖 賵丕賱丿蹖賳 乇賵 賲蹖 诏賮鬲 禺蹖賱蹖 噩匕丕亘 亘賵丿 賵 讴丕賲賱丕 賯丕亘賱 丿乇讴 亘賵丿貙 丿乇 賮氐賱 賴丕蹖 亘毓丿蹖 乇賵卮 賲賯丕亘賱賴 亘丕 賳賯丕胤 囟毓賮 乇賵賴賲 丕夭 胤乇蹖賯 丿乇賲丕賳诏乇 賵 賴賲 丕夭 胤乇蹖賯 禺賵丿 賮乇丿 亘蹖丕賳 賲蹖 讴賳賴.
睾丕賱亘 讴鬲丕亘 乇賵 丿賵爻鬲 丿丕卮鬲賲
賴乇趩賳丿 蹖讴 噩丕賴丕蹖蹖卮 亘乇丕賲 诏賳诏 亘賵丿
亘賴鬲乇 亘賵丿 丕爻賲 讴鬲丕亘 芦賵丕賱丿蹖 讴賴 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲賲禄 亘丕卮賴貙 趩賵賳 賳賯卮 賴乇 丿賵 賵丕賱丿 丿乇 丕禺鬲賱丕賱丕鬲蹖 讴賴 丿乇 丌蹖賳丿賴 讴賵丿讴 丕蹖噩丕丿 賲蹖卮賴 賲賴賲 賴爻鬲
讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 亘乇丕蹖 賮乇夭賳丿丕賳蹖 讴賴 丿乇 讴賳丕乇 趩賳蹖賳 賵丕賱丿蹖賳蹖 亘夭乇诏 鈥屫簇嗀� 賲賮蹖丿賴 賵 賴賲 亘乇丕蹖 讴爻丕賳蹖 讴賴 賲蹖 禺賵丕賴賳丿 賵丕賱丿 卮賵賳丿. 丕蹖賳讴賴 亘賮賴賲賳丿 丿賱亘爻鬲诏蹖 丕蹖賲賳 讴賴 卮丕賲賱 賲賵丕乇丿蹖 賴賲趩賵賳 亘乇賵夭 丕丨爻丕爻丕鬲貙 倬匕蹖乇卮 丕丨爻丕爻丕鬲 讴賵丿讴貙 倬丕爻禺 诏賵蹖蹖 亘賴 讴賵丿讴貙 丕賱賯丕 丨爻 丿蹖丿賴鈥� 卮丿賳 亘賴 讴賵丿讴 賲蹖卮賴貙 趩賴 賯丿乇 丿乇 丌蹖賳丿賴 讴賵丿讴 鬲丕孬蹖乇诏匕丕乇 丕爻鬲.
丕蹖賳讴賴 亘毓囟蹖 丕夭 賲丕 亘賴 爻禺鬲蹖 賲蹖 鬲賵賳蹖賲 亘賴 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 卮蹖賲 蹖丕 賳蹖丕夭賲賵賳 乇賵 亘賴卮賵賳 亘蹖丕賳 讴賳蹖賲貙 賵 蹖丕 丕蹖賳讴賴 亘乇毓讴爻 卮禺氐蹖鬲 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 丕蹖 丿丕乇蹖賲 讴賴 亘賴 爻禺鬲蹖 賲蹖鬲賵賳蹖賲 丕夭 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 丿賱 亘讴賳蹖賲 丿乇 诏乇賵 賴賲蹖賳 丿賱亘爻鬲诏蹖 丕蹖賲賳蹖 賴爻鬲 讴賴 丿乇 夭賳丿诏蹖 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲蹖賲.
丿乇 丕亘鬲丿丕蹖 讴鬲丕亘 讴賴 賳賯丕胤 囟毓賮 卮禺氐蹖鬲貙 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 亘賴 乇賮鬲丕乇 賴丕蹖 賵丕賱丿蹖賳 乇賵 賲蹖 诏賮鬲 禺蹖賱蹖 噩匕丕亘 亘賵丿 賵 讴丕賲賱丕 賯丕亘賱 丿乇讴 亘賵丿貙 丿乇 賮氐賱 賴丕蹖 亘毓丿蹖 乇賵卮 賲賯丕亘賱賴 亘丕 賳賯丕胤 囟毓賮 乇賵賴賲 丕夭 胤乇蹖賯 丿乇賲丕賳诏乇 賵 賴賲 丕夭 胤乇蹖賯 禺賵丿 賮乇丿 亘蹖丕賳 賲蹖 讴賳賴.
睾丕賱亘 讴鬲丕亘 乇賵 丿賵爻鬲 丿丕卮鬲賲
賴乇趩賳丿 蹖讴 噩丕賴丕蹖蹖卮 亘乇丕賲 诏賳诏 亘賵丿
亘賴鬲乇 亘賵丿 丕爻賲 讴鬲丕亘 芦賵丕賱丿蹖 讴賴 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲賲禄 亘丕卮賴貙 趩賵賳 賳賯卮 賴乇 丿賵 賵丕賱丿 丿乇 丕禺鬲賱丕賱丕鬲蹖 讴賴 丿乇 丌蹖賳丿賴 讴賵丿讴 丕蹖噩丕丿 賲蹖卮賴 賲賴賲 賴爻鬲
讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 亘乇丕蹖 賮乇夭賳丿丕賳蹖 讴賴 丿乇 讴賳丕乇 趩賳蹖賳 賵丕賱丿蹖賳蹖 亘夭乇诏 鈥屫簇嗀� 賲賮蹖丿賴 賵 賴賲 亘乇丕蹖 讴爻丕賳蹖 讴賴 賲蹖 禺賵丕賴賳丿 賵丕賱丿 卮賵賳丿. 丕蹖賳讴賴 亘賮賴賲賳丿 丿賱亘爻鬲诏蹖 丕蹖賲賳 讴賴 卮丕賲賱 賲賵丕乇丿蹖 賴賲趩賵賳 亘乇賵夭 丕丨爻丕爻丕鬲貙 倬匕蹖乇卮 丕丨爻丕爻丕鬲 讴賵丿讴貙 倬丕爻禺 诏賵蹖蹖 亘賴 讴賵丿讴貙 丕賱賯丕 丨爻 丿蹖丿賴鈥� 卮丿賳 亘賴 讴賵丿讴 賲蹖卮賴貙 趩賴 賯丿乇 丿乇 丌蹖賳丿賴 讴賵丿讴 鬲丕孬蹖乇诏匕丕乇 丕爻鬲.
丕蹖賳讴賴 亘毓囟蹖 丕夭 賲丕 亘賴 爻禺鬲蹖 賲蹖 鬲賵賳蹖賲 亘賴 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 卮蹖賲 蹖丕 賳蹖丕夭賲賵賳 乇賵 亘賴卮賵賳 亘蹖丕賳 讴賳蹖賲貙 賵 蹖丕 丕蹖賳讴賴 亘乇毓讴爻 卮禺氐蹖鬲 賵丕亘爻鬲賴 丕蹖 丿丕乇蹖賲 讴賴 亘賴 爻禺鬲蹖 賲蹖鬲賵賳蹖賲 丕夭 丿蹖诏乇丕賳 丿賱 亘讴賳蹖賲 丿乇 诏乇賵 賴賲蹖賳 丿賱亘爻鬲诏蹖 丕蹖賲賳蹖 賴爻鬲 讴賴 丿乇 夭賳丿诏蹖 讴賲 丿丕卮鬲蹖賲.
November 21, 2012
This book gave me alot of insight to why I behave and react to certain situations. I can now be more aware and try to change and be a better parent to my children than my mother was to me. I feel this is a book that could help those who are struggling with inner turmoil. I don't feel it helped me repair my past relationship with my mother as much as it made me want to BE a better mother to my own children.
June 10, 2022
賮賵賯鈥屫з勜关ж� 亘賵丿. 丿蹖丿诏丕賴 賲鬲賮丕賵鬲 賵 賲賵孬乇 賵 丿乇 毓蹖賳 丨丕賱 毓賱賲蹖 賵
毓賱賲蹖卮 禺蹖賱蹖 讴賲讴賲 讴乇丿
讴丕卮 賲蹖 卮丿 亘賴 亘毓囟蹖 讴鬲丕亘丕 亘蹖卮鬲乇 丕夭 鄣 爻鬲丕乇賴 丿丕丿
丕诏乇 賲蹖 禺賵賳蹖丿卮貙 讴鬲丕亘 亘丿賳 賴乇诏夭 丿乇賵睾 賳賲蹖 诏賵蹖丿 乇賵 賴賲 亘禺賵賳蹖丿 賲讴賲賱 賴賲賳馃槉
毓賱賲蹖卮 禺蹖賱蹖 讴賲讴賲 讴乇丿
讴丕卮 賲蹖 卮丿 亘賴 亘毓囟蹖 讴鬲丕亘丕 亘蹖卮鬲乇 丕夭 鄣 爻鬲丕乇賴 丿丕丿
丕诏乇 賲蹖 禺賵賳蹖丿卮貙 讴鬲丕亘 亘丿賳 賴乇诏夭 丿乇賵睾 賳賲蹖 诏賵蹖丿 乇賵 賴賲 亘禺賵賳蹖丿 賲讴賲賱 賴賲賳馃槉
May 31, 2022
丕诏賴 亘賴鈥屫官嗁堌з� 賲賳丕亘毓 丕賵賱蹖賴 鬲賵 丕蹖賳 夭賲蹖賳賴 賲蹖鈥屫堌й屫� 亘禺賵賳蹖丿貙 毓丕賱蹖賴貨 丕賲丕 丕诏賴 禺蹖賱蹖 丿乇亘丕乇賴 乇蹖卮賴鈥屰屫жㄛ� 賲卮讴賱丕鬲鈥屫堎� 賵 卮亘丕賴鬲 亘賴 賵丕賱丿蹖賳 賵 鬲兀孬蹖乇卮賵賳 乇賵 乇賮鬲丕乇賴丕鬲賵賳 賵 丕夭 丕蹖賳 丿爻鬲 賲賵囟賵毓丕鬲貙 卮賳蹖丿蹖丿貙 禺賵賳丿蹖丿 賵 亘賴卮 賮讴乇 讴乇丿蹖丿貙 亘賴鈥屬嗀肛� 賲賳 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 賮賯胤 鬲讴乇丕乇 賲讴乇乇丕鬲賴.
July 8, 2021
Profoundly validating book for those who have been unmothered. Also, extraordinarily hard to plow through. Just so much information on the experience of being unmothered, the results, some gentle suggestions to begin healing.
Just getting through Chapter 1. Mothering and Chapter 2. The Many Faces of the Good Mother, was like a stake to the heart.
Dr. Christopher Germer, a Mindful Self Compassion teacher, talks about when you feel all the ways you have been unloved, it can cause a backdraft in your somatic (bodily) experience. Backdraft is a firefighting term. When a room on fire suddenly has a door opened and a rush of oxygen comes in, it causes a hot flash of fire to combust and explode in the space. When our bodies feel deep unconditional love, it can cause a backdraft of pain that floods our bodies.
Chapter 1 & 2 were a continual somatic backdraft.
Healthy caregivers (mothers) are:
Source
Place of Attachment
First Responder
Modulator
Nurturer
Mirror
Cheerleader
Mentor
Protector
Home Base
Dr. Donald Winnicot has research that shows caregivers only have to be 'good-enough' and that children actually benefit from imperfect parenting. It's not a perfect parent a child needs, just one who can make repair.
Sadly, emotionally absent mothers do not do repair.
Just getting through Chapter 1. Mothering and Chapter 2. The Many Faces of the Good Mother, was like a stake to the heart.
Dr. Christopher Germer, a Mindful Self Compassion teacher, talks about when you feel all the ways you have been unloved, it can cause a backdraft in your somatic (bodily) experience. Backdraft is a firefighting term. When a room on fire suddenly has a door opened and a rush of oxygen comes in, it causes a hot flash of fire to combust and explode in the space. When our bodies feel deep unconditional love, it can cause a backdraft of pain that floods our bodies.
Chapter 1 & 2 were a continual somatic backdraft.
Healthy caregivers (mothers) are:
Source
Place of Attachment
First Responder
Modulator
Nurturer
Mirror
Cheerleader
Mentor
Protector
Home Base
Dr. Donald Winnicot has research that shows caregivers only have to be 'good-enough' and that children actually benefit from imperfect parenting. It's not a perfect parent a child needs, just one who can make repair.
Sadly, emotionally absent mothers do not do repair.
June 28, 2023
亘禺卮 賲丕丿乇 賲乇夭蹖 亘乇丕蹖賲 賲孬賱 丕蹖賳 亘賵丿 讴賴 賳賵蹖爻賳丿賴 賳賵讴 鬲蹖夭 賯賱賲卮 乇丕 乇賵蹖 賯賱亘賲 賮卮丕乇 賲蹖丿賴丿 賵 賲蹖賳賵蹖爻丿 丕賲丕 丿乇 賲噩賲賵毓 讴鬲丕亘 亘乇丕蹖賲 亘蹖卮鬲乇 丕蹖賳 胤賳蹖賳 乇丕 丿丕卮鬲 讴賴 "賲丕丿乇蹖 讴賴 讴賲 賳丿丕卮鬲賲!" 蹖毓賳蹖 賮賴賲蹖丿賲 毓賱蹖乇睾賲 趩丕賱卮 賴丕蹖 夭蹖丕丿蹖 讴賴 亘丕 賲丕丿乇賲 丿丕乇賲 丕賲丕 丕蹖賳賴丕 乇亘胤蹖 亘賴 丿賵乇賴 讴賵丿讴蹖 賲賳 賳丿丕乇丿. 亘乇丕蹖 賴乇 讴爻蹖 讴賴 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 乇丕 亘禺賵丕賳丿 蹖讴蹖 丕夭 丕蹖賳 丿賵 胤賳蹖賳 乇丕 禺賵丕賴丿 丿丕卮鬲 趩賵賳 賳賵蹖爻賳丿賴 讴鬲丕亘 乇丕 亘蹖卮鬲乇 亘乇丕蹖 讴爻丕賳蹖 賳賵卮鬲賴 讴賴 賵丕賯毓丕 丿丕乇丕蹖 "讴賲亘賵丿 賲丕丿乇蹖" 賴爻鬲賳丿.
亘賴 賴乇 丨丕賱 噩夭 丕蹖賳 丕賮乇丕丿貙 亘爻蹖丕乇 讴鬲丕亘 禺賵亘蹖 丕爻鬲 亘乇丕蹖 賴乇 讴爻蹖 讴賴 賲丕丿乇 丕爻鬲 賵 賲蹖禺賵丕賴丿 賲丕丿乇 亘卮賵丿. 賮賯胤 蹖讴 賳讴鬲賴 亘丕賯蹖 賲蹖 賲丕賳丿: 禺賵丕賳丿賳 賴乇 讴鬲丕亘 乇賵丕賳卮賳丕爻蹖 賲毓賲賵賱丕 丕蹖賳 丨爻 乇丕 丿乇 賲丕 倬丿蹖丿 賲蹖 丌賵乇丿 讴賴 "賲胤賱賵亘 亘賵丿賳 禺蹖賱蹖 爻禺鬲 丕爻鬲" 賵 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 賲賲讴賳 丕爻鬲 趩賳蹖賳 丨爻蹖 丕蹖噩丕丿 讴賳丿. 賲賲讴賳 丕爻鬲 賴乇 賲丕丿乇蹖 丿趩丕乇 毓匕丕亘 賵噩丿丕賳 亘卮賵丿 賵 诏賲丕賳 讴賳丿 丿乇 丨賯 讴賵丿讴卮 讴賵鬲丕賴蹖 讴乇丿賴 丕爻鬲. 趩乇丕 丕蹖賳 丕鬲賮丕賯 賲蹖 丕賮鬲丿責 亘賴 賳馗乇賲 毓賱鬲卮 "噩亘乇诏乇丕蹖蹖" 丕爻鬲. 噩亘乇诏乇丕蹖蹖 乇賵丕賳卮賳丕禺鬲蹖 (讴賴 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 丕夭 丌賳 賲亘乇蹖 賳蹖爻鬲) 蹖毓賳蹖 丕蹖賳 丕毓鬲賯丕丿 讴賴 丕诏乇 賮乇丿蹖 讴賲亘賵丿 丕賱賮 乇丕 丿乇 讴賵丿讴蹖 丿丕卮鬲 賳丕诏夭蹖乇 丿乇 亘夭乇诏爻丕賱蹖 丕禺鬲賱丕賱 亘 乇丕 禺賵丕賴丿丿丕卮鬲. 丕蹖賳 乇賵蹖讴乇丿 噩丿丕 丕夭 丕蹖賳讴賴 賳賲蹖鬲賵丕賳丿 丿乇賲賵乇丿 賴賲賴 丕賮乇丕丿 氐丿賯 讴賳丿貙 亘賴 噩賳诏 丕乇丕丿賴 賴賲 賲蹖乇賵丿貙 倬爻 亘賴 囟乇乇 丿乇賲丕賳 賴賲 賴爻鬲.
亘賴 賴乇 丨丕賱 噩夭 丕蹖賳 丕賮乇丕丿貙 亘爻蹖丕乇 讴鬲丕亘 禺賵亘蹖 丕爻鬲 亘乇丕蹖 賴乇 讴爻蹖 讴賴 賲丕丿乇 丕爻鬲 賵 賲蹖禺賵丕賴丿 賲丕丿乇 亘卮賵丿. 賮賯胤 蹖讴 賳讴鬲賴 亘丕賯蹖 賲蹖 賲丕賳丿: 禺賵丕賳丿賳 賴乇 讴鬲丕亘 乇賵丕賳卮賳丕爻蹖 賲毓賲賵賱丕 丕蹖賳 丨爻 乇丕 丿乇 賲丕 倬丿蹖丿 賲蹖 丌賵乇丿 讴賴 "賲胤賱賵亘 亘賵丿賳 禺蹖賱蹖 爻禺鬲 丕爻鬲" 賵 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 賲賲讴賳 丕爻鬲 趩賳蹖賳 丨爻蹖 丕蹖噩丕丿 讴賳丿. 賲賲讴賳 丕爻鬲 賴乇 賲丕丿乇蹖 丿趩丕乇 毓匕丕亘 賵噩丿丕賳 亘卮賵丿 賵 诏賲丕賳 讴賳丿 丿乇 丨賯 讴賵丿讴卮 讴賵鬲丕賴蹖 讴乇丿賴 丕爻鬲. 趩乇丕 丕蹖賳 丕鬲賮丕賯 賲蹖 丕賮鬲丿責 亘賴 賳馗乇賲 毓賱鬲卮 "噩亘乇诏乇丕蹖蹖" 丕爻鬲. 噩亘乇诏乇丕蹖蹖 乇賵丕賳卮賳丕禺鬲蹖 (讴賴 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 賴賲 丕夭 丌賳 賲亘乇蹖 賳蹖爻鬲) 蹖毓賳蹖 丕蹖賳 丕毓鬲賯丕丿 讴賴 丕诏乇 賮乇丿蹖 讴賲亘賵丿 丕賱賮 乇丕 丿乇 讴賵丿讴蹖 丿丕卮鬲 賳丕诏夭蹖乇 丿乇 亘夭乇诏爻丕賱蹖 丕禺鬲賱丕賱 亘 乇丕 禺賵丕賴丿丿丕卮鬲. 丕蹖賳 乇賵蹖讴乇丿 噩丿丕 丕夭 丕蹖賳讴賴 賳賲蹖鬲賵丕賳丿 丿乇賲賵乇丿 賴賲賴 丕賮乇丕丿 氐丿賯 讴賳丿貙 亘賴 噩賳诏 丕乇丕丿賴 賴賲 賲蹖乇賵丿貙 倬爻 亘賴 囟乇乇 丿乇賲丕賳 賴賲 賴爻鬲.
May 21, 2019
The book gives valuable validation for inner experiences and I believe it could help the reader understand what he/she is going through. The text shows compassion and perceptiveness on the part of the author which I appreciate.
However, the scientific backing of the claims is lacking. The proposed healing strategies also seemed a bit impotent and generic. Nonetheless, some valuable ideas for a recovery plan can be gleaned from the text.
However, the scientific backing of the claims is lacking. The proposed healing strategies also seemed a bit impotent and generic. Nonetheless, some valuable ideas for a recovery plan can be gleaned from the text.
March 30, 2012
Extremely well written book on the effects of being raised by an emotionally absent mother. While some of the healing exercises seemed cheesy the list of common feelings of under-mothered children blew my mind.
April 13, 2019
Read through my library copy once quickly to decide whether I wanted to buy it, and ended up buying it before I was even finished reading. This book made me feel encouraged and empowered to continue healing. Gave many concrete and useful strategies for healing.
June 18, 2019
Worth like a year's therapy! Haven't done the exercises included, and there are a lot, but all the topics (except one chapter mostly addressed to psychologists) were enlightening. If you are a mom or an adult who has issues with his/her mom, READ IT.
June 6, 2023
Mi-a pl膬cut foarte mult cum e scris膬 cartea: clar 葯i pe 卯n葲elesul meu, chiar dac膬 se folosesc 卯n text 葯i cuvinte specifice psihoterapiei (卯ns膬 dac膬 nu e葯ti la prima lectur膬 de acest fel, nu e greu de 卯n葲eles, dimpotriv膬, mai afli lucruri noi)
O carte util膬 pentru mine: am descoperit alte perspective despre rela葲ia mea cu mama, c芒te roluri poate avea o mam膬 葯i ce efecte au neglij膬rile emo葲ioanale asupra oric膬rui copil de pe lumea asta, dac膬 o mam膬 nu a fost disponibil膬 emo葲ioanal pentru copilul ei.
Niciodat膬 p芒n膬 acum nu m-am g芒ndit c膬 o alt膬 persoan膬 din via葲a mea, fie prieten, unchi sau m膬tu葯膬, poate 卯nlocui cu succes un moment de afec葲iune de care am nevoie, DAR, e nevoie ca aceast膬 persoan膬 s膬 fie anun葲at膬 din timp despre aceste momente 葯i cel mai important, s膬 fie disponibil膬, s膬 葯tie c膬 tu te vei adresa la ea cu o astfel de nevoie, nu s膬 fac膬 mi葯to sau s膬 te cread膬 smintit膬, deci, nu te duci la prima persoan膬 pe care o crezi tu disponibil膬 卯n acel moment.
Suntem 卯n perioada 卯n care avem acces la foarte mult膬 informa葲ie care s膬 ne ajute pe noi (adic膬 s膬 devenim mai informa葲i) sau s膬-i 卯n葲elegem mai bine pe al葲ii (e u葯or 葯i confortabil s膬 ne facem noi singuri pove葯tile, dar recomandat este s膬 afli povestea din spatele comportamentului, apoi s膬 decizi ce e de f膬cut mai departe)
Revelatoare 葯i eliberatoare lectur膬 a fost pentru mine. V膬 卯ndemn s膬 o citi葲i 葯i voi.
O carte util膬 pentru mine: am descoperit alte perspective despre rela葲ia mea cu mama, c芒te roluri poate avea o mam膬 葯i ce efecte au neglij膬rile emo葲ioanale asupra oric膬rui copil de pe lumea asta, dac膬 o mam膬 nu a fost disponibil膬 emo葲ioanal pentru copilul ei.
Niciodat膬 p芒n膬 acum nu m-am g芒ndit c膬 o alt膬 persoan膬 din via葲a mea, fie prieten, unchi sau m膬tu葯膬, poate 卯nlocui cu succes un moment de afec葲iune de care am nevoie, DAR, e nevoie ca aceast膬 persoan膬 s膬 fie anun葲at膬 din timp despre aceste momente 葯i cel mai important, s膬 fie disponibil膬, s膬 葯tie c膬 tu te vei adresa la ea cu o astfel de nevoie, nu s膬 fac膬 mi葯to sau s膬 te cread膬 smintit膬, deci, nu te duci la prima persoan膬 pe care o crezi tu disponibil膬 卯n acel moment.
Suntem 卯n perioada 卯n care avem acces la foarte mult膬 informa葲ie care s膬 ne ajute pe noi (adic膬 s膬 devenim mai informa葲i) sau s膬-i 卯n葲elegem mai bine pe al葲ii (e u葯or 葯i confortabil s膬 ne facem noi singuri pove葯tile, dar recomandat este s膬 afli povestea din spatele comportamentului, apoi s膬 decizi ce e de f膬cut mai departe)
Revelatoare 葯i eliberatoare lectur膬 a fost pentru mine. V膬 卯ndemn s膬 o citi葲i 葯i voi.
June 30, 2019
鈥淲hen the mother is not attuned to the child and doesn鈥檛 give what a child needs, a child adopts to the needs of the mother and in result creating a false sense of self 鈥�
10 basic good message from the mother: 1. I am glad that you are here. (Makes us to be glad to be here, make us being comfortable of taking space being in our bodies)2. I see you (accurate mirroring and attuned responses, knows what we like and what we don鈥檛, what our interests are, how we feel about things). 3. You are special to me. (usually said without words, we feel valued and priced, we are not mixed with external super quality or image)4. I respect you (not controlling the child, accepting child鈥檚 uniqueness, preferences and decisions, communicates what she values in the child; when mother does not mirroring herself) 5 I love you (sincere and authentic, important not to be perceived manipulative or requiring something from the child; communicate through touch, tone of voice, body language, attentiveness; boundaries, rules). 6. Your needs are important to me, you can turn to me for help. (shows needs are important, gives permission to turn to her) 7. I am here for you, I will make time for you. communicate you can count on me, make time for you) 8. I will keep you save ( protection) 9. You can rest in me (availability, acceptance, with me you can be at home) 10. I enjoy you, you brighten my heart. (supports child鈥檚 presence and inner light, helps to build a sense of value and confidence)
How to manage a feeing of motherless child? Create your own safe home base - to dismiss the feeing is to continue to abandon the inner child**** therefore the key is to respond to that feeling - orphan complex/ orphan archetype- a feeling of have no parents and out of love is painful and often suppressed. Sense of unworthiness May develop and feels the need for support.-> the orphan feels he is an injured one and needs all the care it can possibly get- pattern of dependency develops - clinginess towards whatever and whoever who represents protection and security of the mother. Love hunger, leads to stay in abusive and unsatisfying relationships, cause a feeling of needing is very desperate and it鈥檚 hard to leave. No internal reference point of being loved it feels better than nothing. Others go without love rather to go near that wound. This individual finds it hard to move away from any positive attention received.
Healing emotional woods of any kind involves becoming emotionally fluent, able to experience and distinguish vast wave of the emotions without being slaved to any of them. Journal is a great place for anger, especially if therapist is not available and you don鈥檛 want to burden your friends. Anger is hard especially it鈥檚 especially with hate and we don鈥檛 display it around the people and journal can hold them without judgement. Give yourself permission to feel anger, unlearn swallowing the anger. Journal to help un do self censorship. Recognize the anger and have tools to manage it. Be able to control how much is coming through at given moment, use distraction of breathing time out to interior unwanted escalation.
Exploring the anger Exercise:
1. I am angry that ... (focus on your mother) (complete 10 times)
2. Read out all the answers and notice how you feel.
3. Beneath the anger I feel.... (complete 10 times)
4. List the things you haven鈥檛 forgave your mother for
10 basic good message from the mother: 1. I am glad that you are here. (Makes us to be glad to be here, make us being comfortable of taking space being in our bodies)2. I see you (accurate mirroring and attuned responses, knows what we like and what we don鈥檛, what our interests are, how we feel about things). 3. You are special to me. (usually said without words, we feel valued and priced, we are not mixed with external super quality or image)4. I respect you (not controlling the child, accepting child鈥檚 uniqueness, preferences and decisions, communicates what she values in the child; when mother does not mirroring herself) 5 I love you (sincere and authentic, important not to be perceived manipulative or requiring something from the child; communicate through touch, tone of voice, body language, attentiveness; boundaries, rules). 6. Your needs are important to me, you can turn to me for help. (shows needs are important, gives permission to turn to her) 7. I am here for you, I will make time for you. communicate you can count on me, make time for you) 8. I will keep you save ( protection) 9. You can rest in me (availability, acceptance, with me you can be at home) 10. I enjoy you, you brighten my heart. (supports child鈥檚 presence and inner light, helps to build a sense of value and confidence)
How to manage a feeing of motherless child? Create your own safe home base - to dismiss the feeing is to continue to abandon the inner child**** therefore the key is to respond to that feeling - orphan complex/ orphan archetype- a feeling of have no parents and out of love is painful and often suppressed. Sense of unworthiness May develop and feels the need for support.-> the orphan feels he is an injured one and needs all the care it can possibly get- pattern of dependency develops - clinginess towards whatever and whoever who represents protection and security of the mother. Love hunger, leads to stay in abusive and unsatisfying relationships, cause a feeling of needing is very desperate and it鈥檚 hard to leave. No internal reference point of being loved it feels better than nothing. Others go without love rather to go near that wound. This individual finds it hard to move away from any positive attention received.
Healing emotional woods of any kind involves becoming emotionally fluent, able to experience and distinguish vast wave of the emotions without being slaved to any of them. Journal is a great place for anger, especially if therapist is not available and you don鈥檛 want to burden your friends. Anger is hard especially it鈥檚 especially with hate and we don鈥檛 display it around the people and journal can hold them without judgement. Give yourself permission to feel anger, unlearn swallowing the anger. Journal to help un do self censorship. Recognize the anger and have tools to manage it. Be able to control how much is coming through at given moment, use distraction of breathing time out to interior unwanted escalation.
Exploring the anger Exercise:
1. I am angry that ... (focus on your mother) (complete 10 times)
2. Read out all the answers and notice how you feel.
3. Beneath the anger I feel.... (complete 10 times)
4. List the things you haven鈥檛 forgave your mother for
July 7, 2023
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丕诏乇趩賴 賳賲蹖鈥屫促堌� 賳爻禺賴鈥屰� 毓賲賵賲蹖 倬蹖趩蹖丿 賵 讴賲讴蹖 賴賲 賳賲蹖鈥屭┵嗀� 亘丿賵賳 丕睾乇丕賯 賲蹖鈥屫堌з嗁� 亘诏賵蹖賲 賴賲賴鈥屰� 丌丿賲鈥屬囏й屰� 讴賴 丕夭 賳夭丿蹖讴 賲蹖鈥屫促嗀ж迟� 賵 丕睾賱亘 丕賮乇丕丿蹖 讴賴 讴賲蹖 亘蹖卮鈥屫� 丕夭 爻賱丕賲 賵 毓賱蹖讴 亘丕賴賲 鬲毓丕賲賱 丿丕卮鬲蹖賲貙 亘賴 卮讴賱蹖 丕夭 丌爻蹖亘鈥屬囏й屰� 讴賴 丿乇 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 亘賴 丌賳鈥屬囏� 丕卮丕乇賴 賲蹖鈥屫促堌� 乇賳噩 亘乇丿賴鈥屫з嗀� 蹖丕 賲蹖鈥屫ㄘ辟嗀�. 亘賴 賴賲蹖賳 丿賱蹖賱 賴賲 丕蹖賳 讴鬲丕亘 丕夭 丌賳鈥� 丿爻鬲賴 讴鬲丕亘鈥屬囏й屰屸€屫池� 讴賴 賲蹖鈥屫促堌� 亘賴 賴賲賴 倬蹖卮鈥屬嗁囏ж� 讴乇丿 亘乇丕蹖 禺賵丕賳丿賳鈥屫� 賵賯鬲 亘诏匕丕乇賳丿 賵 丕丨鬲賲丕賱丕賸 丕夭 賵賯鬲蹖 讴賴 诏匕丕卮鬲賴鈥屫з嗀� 倬卮蹖賲丕賳 賳禺賵丕賴賳丿 卮丿.
鬲乇噩賲賴 亘丕 胤賲兀賳蹖賳賴 賵 鬲賲蹖夭 丕賳噩丕賲 卮丿賴 賵 賳賴 賮賯胤 賲毓丕丿賱鈥屬囏� 亘丕 丿賯鬲 丕賳鬲禺丕亘 卮丿賴鈥屫з嗀� 亘賱讴賴 倬丕賳賵蹖爻鈥屬囏� 讴賴 鬲毓丿丕丿卮丕賳 亘賴 丕賳丿丕夭賴 丕爻鬲貙 丿乇 丕睾賱亘 賲賵丕乇丿 亘賴 賮賴賲 亘賴鬲乇 賲鬲賳 讴賴 胤亘毓丕賸 賲賲賱賵 丕夭 丕乇噩丕毓丕鬲 亘賴 丕丿亘蹖丕鬲 乇賵丕賳鈥屫辟呚з嗃屸€屫池� 讴賲讴 賲蹖鈥屭┵嗀�.
May 22, 2015
I found this book to be very helpful. Some of the new age-y kind of stuff was a little much for me, like the inner child work and the stuff about mother nature and the good mother archetype, but I can see how it would be helpful for others. I definitely think it is a book that would be more helpful for women because I think it is too feeling based for men in therapy, and it definitely has a female voice. It would be nice to see a book from a man's perspective, as I'm sure that it isn't only just woken who struggle with this. Some of the activities for journaling were very helpful. I have been reading this book in conjunction with counseling, and I would highly recommend that, if the finances are available. Some of the activities would have been really hard without a counselor involved.
January 3, 2016
~I eventually ended up skimreading because so much of the book was dedicated to checklists about what mothers are supposed to do/things emotionally detached mothers fail to do etc etc which was a bit... i'm pretty sure most people who've picked up the book are already aware of most of the ways that their mother has failed as a parent (for me it was pointless at least, and just felt like a kick in the guts)
~Aside from the checklists, the book mainly focuses on attachment theory and the coping mechanisms of being a good mother to your inner child and journalling, nothing new if you have a psychology related background
~Aside from the checklists, the book mainly focuses on attachment theory and the coping mechanisms of being a good mother to your inner child and journalling, nothing new if you have a psychology related background
June 17, 2015
Excellent book although the early chapters were very confrontational for me and as a result, very painful. In combination with intensive therapy, this book is incredibly helpful. There are links for further reading and further personal development so you are not just left at the end wondering what next? I highly recommend this book to anyone who has had a difficult and painful childhood particularly those who have borderline personality disorder like myself
Currently reading
December 3, 2012I work with neglected children and see first hand how these attachment issues play out in the course of a child's life time.
June 14, 2021
What an important, and potentially difficult book to digest. You might see yourself in it. You might cry while reading it. You might feel hurt (because you have been hurt). On the bright side, you are also likely to find ways to heal yourself and help heal others.
I sincerely hope this book finds more readers who need it. Recommended for everyone, especially for young parents.
I sincerely hope this book finds more readers who need it. Recommended for everyone, especially for young parents.
December 16, 2018
This was on my course reading list and I'm fortunate it was, because I honestly found this book life-changing.
October 15, 2022
O carte care ar trebui citita de noi toti. Efectele relatiei cu mama sunt foarte simplu si clar exprimate. Recomand.
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