Laurie Mintz (Ph.D.) is a tenured college professor at the University of Florida, who teaches the Psychology of Human Sexuality to over 150 students a year. She is also a licensed psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with private clients, on both general and sexual issues. She is the author of two books aimed at empowering women sexually: Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex. She has also published over 50 research studies, writes a popular Psychology Today blog and has been quoted extensively in Parenting, Cosmopolitan, Prevention, Woman鈥檚 Day, Women鈥檚 Health, Men鈥檚 Health, CNN.com, Oprah.com and HuffingtonPost.com. When she's not writing, teaching, or seeing clients, Laurie enjoys walking, yoga, and spending time with family and friends.
This book is a must-have for every person who has a vulva (heck yeah, applying lessons from the book) or would like to help pleasure someone who has one.
Before reading this, I was fairly skeptical. I had the feeling that it would be the type of book 40+ year old housewives read that makes them name their genitalia, speak about it as if it has feelings and suggests group masturbation sessions to everyone they know. Which, isn't bad but is definitely not who I am.
However, this book is so so far from this. Before reading it, I thought my sexual knowledge was, well, average. However, looking at it now, I feel like sex education has cheated me because there's so much that just gets ignored or doesn't get enough attention. The sex education that I remember highlighted the dangers of unsafe sex and talked about all the ways you can suddenly get pregnant. I don't even remember the idea of pleasure being involved, let alone a conversation about the importance of communicating during sex.
I had no idea how many of the ideas that I hold do not reflecting my thoughts or knowledge. Like, despite everything, I've always considered sex = penetration even though I have the knowledge that not all sex includes penetration. It's like there's this dissonance between the factual knowledge that I hold and the way I view things and this book managed to help close that gap.
The author writes so clearly and accessible. She manages to make these topics casual, informative and understandable. It's just so clear and so well written. It's science based yet not heavy, funny yet smart. Really, you do get the feeling like it's a counseling session.
I found myself sitting down and literally re-evaluating every sexual encounter I've ever had. It was enlightening to suddenly reconsider and redefine how I've been thinking about intimacy and sexual encounters. Reading a book that suddenly makes you go, "wow, I've been looking at this the wrong way" is such a powerful and positive experience.
It was fascinating to consider how many myths exist around an action that is so normal, you know? People still think penis size influences their performance or that anyone cares about the appearance of the lips of the vulva. We've failed ourselves when there's so much social pressure that is just false and harmful. This book does much to clean this away. It's so sad to consider how much of sex is still portrayed as shameful, from slut-shaming to the "walk of shame", our culture really doesn't do enough to show the sheer beauty of sexuality and intimacy.
The parts about communication were interesting as well. I mean, I did know and have experienced how important communication before, during and after sex can be but it was great to hear about all these examples and truly see how much of an impact simply saying what you think and want can have.
Mintz talks about the power of language and truly, reading this, I found myself thinking about how the word in Hebrew for clit is embarrassing. It comes from the same word "tickle" and it's just not a word that I would feel comfortable using in my daily life. This really makes me wonder what it's like in other languages and how international and culturally broad is this phenomenon. Totally tempted to ask bilinguals now what's the cultural usage of the word clit.
And speaking of language, my one and only word of criticism toward this book is that it's not queer friendly enough. Sure, the author tries her best to include the idea that sex isn't just man and woman but it's not trans-friendly at all. Just as we need to stop saying vagina when we mean vulva, we need to stop saying women when we mean people with a specific set of genitalia. This idea that women all have vulvas ignores approximately 0.6% of the population that are trans and maybe do not have the genitalia you'd assume.
And yeah, some people might argue that that's minor but when you look at the insane number of trans women that get murdered, this idea becomes insidious. Gender isn't a binary and it's high time we stopped seeing sex as a binary as well. Every time I hear people speak up about this, I immediately think about how I was beginning to date this girl and eventually she goes, "I have to tell you something," and there was actual fear in her eyes as she told me she's trans, literally apologized and assured me that it's okay if that's a deal breaker. We are not doing nearly enough to make the dating and hook-up scene comfortable for queer people and feminist books like this should absolutely talk about this.
Apart from this, I feel like I've learned a lot and am really happy to have read this. When I write reviews, I do think about how everything you write online is permanent and can be seen by everyone (often without your knowledge) but at the same time, yeah, I'm totally going to own the fact that I read a book about orgasms cause I don't need this shame in my life.
What I'm Taking With Me - Guys do want to make sure their partner enjoys the experience, claiming that they simply care about their own pleasure is unfair and really, the problem is the culture around us and the lack of communication and understanding of the biology. - Arousal is a state where your body sends more blood to your genitalia without it flowing back. Then, an orgasm is when the blood rushes back. A female and a male orgasm are exactly the same, although the process is external for people with penises (that is, an erection) and internal for people with vulvas. - Vulvas! Vagina refers only to a part of the vulva and when we use the word vagina, we imply that the entire genitalia is simply the part that gives pleasure to people with penises and that's not right at all. - Only around 5% of the women manage to experience an orgasm during hook-up sex for the first time. This statistic is so so wild, like that number is tiny. - The idea of the clit as something that is solely meant for pleasure.
Uni Adventures - aHH, this coming week is going to be so hard and I have so many hard choices ahead of me which is leading to me panicking which is messing up with my studying. - In other news, I'm redoing Ethics and seriously, fuck this, I can't believe I need to reread Kant again, haven't I suffered enough? - This week was just me trying to study, getting distracted, going to a coffee shop, studying really well, missing all of my study goals, and feeling sad. - I went to another philosophy conference and have reached the conclusion that philosophers are seriously just mean to each other. There's no way around it, we should just go back to Ancient Greece and the agora, things were better there. - Seeing a grad student from Chicago get brutally attacked by like 3 Israeli philosophy professors was just so sad and he was so visibly upset and yeah okay, his lecture wasn't great and ultimately, I had no idea what he was trying to say but still. - I've just been listening to Eurovision in the hopes that maybe that will add joy to Econ and it's sad to think that Israel's song choice is just so bad. - Okay, so we have elections on Monday and as a Politics major, I feel obligated to vote but I also don't feel like any one of the parties deserves my vote, I feel like they're all equally terrible and there's no one, although 40 parties are running. - It's embarrassingly hard (as Mintz would say, no pun intended) not to think about the game Plague whenever people bring up statistics about Corona. - Man, can the new semester just start already, I'm so over this?
Looking for a smart, sassy book about feminism and sexuality and equal-opportunity orgasms? Becoming Cliterate is your gal.
It鈥檚 this year鈥檚 Come As You Are! With a complete focus on vulvas! This book is set up like a college textbook for female orgasm, with some philosophy and pep talks and then some hands-on experimenting. And a chapter at the end for male partners to read. What more could you need?
Can't go wrong with this book. It's interesting (and annoying) how women's pleasure takes a major backseat to men's, historically. You might learn something, your partner might learn something. One little change for me is that I taught my daughter the word vulva and use it when applicable instead of the anatomically incorrect catchall "vagina." I hope it's the beginning of our open, appropriate, shame-free, body-positive conversations.
Every Man and Woman needs to read this book. It is full of knowledge to educate you on a whole different level. It gives the ability to take your lover to new heights and pleasure. I knew a lot about sex prior to reading this book, but I walked away with so much more information to use....馃拫
While the title may not hold universal appeal, I found this book to be a fascinating resource about women鈥檚 sexuality. The author is so sincere in her desire to help young women discover and enjoy their bodies. She provides a wealth of information on anatomy and function, including graphs, statistics, and illustrations. I loved that about this book. On the other hand, I found her language usage to be, well鈥ess than elegant. She has a sense of humor that just doesn鈥檛 work for me鈥攅ven in the title. Anyhow, the book was an easy read and I seriously thought I should buy copies for my (young adult) daughters.
This book is an easy, lively read, and offers lots of good information about women's sexuality and especially the clitoris - what it is, how it contributes to arousal and pleasure, and how women can become more adept lovers (and self-lovers). That said, part of Mintz' purpose is to lay to rest the myth that good sex has to involve vaginal penetration, by a penis or anything else. To that end, she minimizes and then dismisses as largely irrelevant information about the g-spot and other loci of arousal and pleasure beyond the clitoris. That strikes me as unfortunate. But, the book has a lot of useful facts and attitudes to share about the clitoris, and I suppose there are plenty of other books out there emphasizing other aspects of women's sexuality. The book includes a special chapter aimed at men; it largely recycles and abridges text from the rest of the book, which is fine, but as a guy, I found it worth reading the whole thing.
I received this book as a 欧宝娱乐 giveaway (and I鈥檓 so glad I did). This is a very charming, sex positive and thorough look at the female orgasm that reads like a how to from your friendly local sexpert therapist who also happens to be a highly educated feminist. As a psychotherapist, I so appreciated the additional knowledge and ways of engaging with my clients around orgasm/pleasure/beliefs around what sex 鈥渟hould鈥� be. All around one of the better psychology books I鈥檝e read because I know I can take this material directly into my social justice/integrative work (though you do not have to be a therapist to gain incredible value here). Thanks Dr. Mintz!
Yup, I read a book about sex. I almost didn't include it in my Read list,but then I realized I'd be perpetuating the weird shame women have around talking about sexuality.
This book gave a fascinating look at why women are uncomfortable talking about sex, how feminism has changed sexuality, and encourages women to appreciate the uniqueness of their own bodies.
Highly recommend! I actually got a chance to speak with the author recently. She is as empowering, friendly, and genuine as she comes across in the book. Great down-to-earth advice and education. I will definitely recommend this book to clients and friends.
This book was fantastic! If you鈥檙e ready to have your entire mindset shifted around your pleasure (ladies, I鈥檓 talking to you) and why your orgasms matter (plus, bonuses on how to get there!) then you need to read this gem of a book!
So glad I picked it up! Will be buying for all my friends.
I鈥檓 cliterate now! If you still think that penetration of penis inside vagina is called sex; this book is for you. For so many generations female pleasure has been discouraged and ignored. As a result in most heterosexual relationship there is an inequality in receiving pleasure. 90% of woman don鈥檛 orgasm via penetration alone! Which means that most penetrative sex has been giving pleasure only to men. It鈥檚 not a surprise considering females have always been given a backseat for generations. But times can change, and this book is a start. Anyone can be cliterate, people don鈥檛 really need to have clit to be cliterate. If you really want to pleasure your female partner or if you鈥檙e a female who wants to enjoy sex and orgasm, the answer is the clit! Say it proud! Dr. Laurie mintz has made this such a fun read full or puns that it is hard not to enjoy. It opened my eyes in terms of what society considers as sex. And all my concerns were validated. I鈥檓 really glad she made it a point to make the book keeping both male and female readers in mind. Because it鈥檚 high time everyone learns this since sex education everywhere stops at 鈥渘ot getting pregnant and stds鈥�.
"Becoming Cliterate" by Dr Laurie Mintz is an amazing book for anyone who wants to learn about female sexuality and specifically the clitoris, the one human organ solely responsible for pleasure. According to research, only 5% of women achieve orgasms through penetration only, an overwhelming 95% need some form of clitorial stimulation. Yet we as a society almost never talk about the clitoris, men who learn about sex through porn think thay penetration is all a woman needs to orgasm. So in turn women orgam way less than men and actually feel pressured to fake orgasms and it's not ok! This book debunks alot of sex myths with research and it teaches everyone how to become aware and more Cliterate, and how to enjoy our own bodies and those of others. It's a must read. We need a sexual satisfaction revolution for women!
I'm not sure what I expected Becoming Cliterate to be when I started reading, but it isn't what it was, which was a smart, funny look at the female orgasm. The author did an excellent job of presenting the information in a way that wasn't too clinical. She added sass and humor when needed to keep the reader engaged, but covered the female body and the science of how and why orgasms work--complete with a chapter for the male partner.
Full Disclosure: I was invited by the publisher to read this title in exchange for my honest and unbiased review. I received no monetary compensation, and all comments are subjective and mine alone.
Some good information in this book. For the most part, there wasn't much that was new to me. Cementing biological knowledge mostly. However, that being said, if one knows nothing about the clit or isn't sure how to communicate with a potential partner, this book would be a valuable resource. I know people who would probably benefit from reading this. I very much appreciate Mintz's desire to change the cultural dialogue regarding sex, the clit, women's orgasms, intercourse, how society refers to our genitalia. So it's most certainly a book that is needed.
If you have had an orgasm, have not had an orgasm, care about having or giving orgasms.....this is probably on a must-read list for you. Laurie Mintz does an excellent job of dispelling the myth of how orgasms occur, why porn and movies have perpetuated this myth and totally ruined it for women, and how to ........the list goes on and on. Easy to read style that is just the right amount of girl talk and science. And yes..there is a chapter for men to read to. :)
As a man, I probably should've read only the last chapter. Nevertheless, it gave me good pointers and understanding into women's POV in sex.
This book is much more than just an anatomy lesson, it covers many cultural, social and linguistic biases that we unconsciously carry and bring to our relationships. The author not only points these myths but even gives suggestions to dispel them.
The book's pace is great and contains many resources to further read on particular topics.
I get the writing style is supposed to be conversational to make it easier to read, but I found it annoying. The book was also longer than needed. The basic point is this: whichever you have, dick or clit stimulation is where orgasms most often come from. So typical penis-in-vagina sex doesn't cut it for most people with clits. Saved you a read.
helpful but only for heterosexual relationships (which the author acknowledges).
the only thing I have to say is the word clit does not have the right vibe. I feel like it should be called the orla or something鈥�.still workshopping it.
no quote (sorry I鈥檝e been lacking on finding quotes oopsie)