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We All Want Impossible Things
Who knows you better than your best friend? Who knows your secrets, your fears, your desires, your strange imperfect self? Edi and Ash have been best friends for over forty years. Since childhood they have seen each other through life's milestones: stealing vodka from their parents, the Madonna phase, REM concerts, unexpected wakes, marriages, infertility, children. As Ash notes, 'Edi's memory is like the back-up hard drive for mine.'
So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash's world reshapes around the rhythms of Edi's care, from chipped ice and watermelon cubes to music therapy; from snack smuggling to impromptu excursions into the frozen winter night. Because life is about squeezing the joy out of every moment, about building a powerhouse of memories, about learning when to hold on, and when to let go.
So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash's world reshapes around the rhythms of Edi's care, from chipped ice and watermelon cubes to music therapy; from snack smuggling to impromptu excursions into the frozen winter night. Because life is about squeezing the joy out of every moment, about building a powerhouse of memories, about learning when to hold on, and when to let go.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published November 8, 2022
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November 21, 2022
Catherine Newman writes beautifully and authentically of a lifelong love between the flawed 45 year old Ash Feld and her friend Edi, who is married to Jude, living in New York, and with a 7 year old son, Dash. Edi has ovarian cancer and is now approaching the end of her life, there are no local hospice places, and she makes the heartbreaking choice to move to the Graceful Shepherd Hospice, aka Shakely, in Massachusetts, close to Ash, because Dash cannot cope with the realities of his mother dying. No-one knows Ash better than Edi, from childhood they have been there for each other through every significant life event, their relationship underpinned by blind faith and absolute dependability, Edi's memories are akin to a back up hard drive for Ash. Ash is in the midst of her own midlife crisis, divorcing her husband, Honey, although you would never know as he is always there, for Ash, for Edi, and their daughters, Belle and Jules.
As Ash sleeps with many, she shapes her life around the last days of Edi, finding herself stumbling through the process of grief, the inevitable loss, creating final lasting memories and of being there for Edi, bearing witness to the bodily indignities as the end comes ever closer, the inescapable pain, and tsunami of tears and fears, feeling desperately ill prepared. But it is of course complicated, an emotional time of Ash forging closer connections with her family and friends, as they form a unbreakable circle of love and light around Edi. The spirit of life overflows with its beauty, irreverence, joy, humour, wit, a bountiful array of food, drink and parties. There is the hunt for Edi’s all time favourite Sicilian lemon polenta pound cake, the magic of music, questions of life and death, painting nails, the wonders of Farrah Fawcett and Pinky Pie, and stepping into an emotional quagmire as Ash tries to work out what to hold onto and when to let go.
Newman comes from a real place and her own personal experiences of love, heartbreak, grief, and impending loss in this exquisite and astute examination of that territory between life and death, the humanity, the imperfections, the messiness and the chaos, wanting impossible things, whilst the world as you know it is shattering into a million tiny pieces, a world that is slowly being rearranged as perspectives shift and change. This is a touching, moving, loving, and inspiring read which I adored, insightfully portraying the incredible staff that provide palliative care and the hospice experience. A remarkable and unforgettable book sprinkled with stardust that I recommend to everyone. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
As Ash sleeps with many, she shapes her life around the last days of Edi, finding herself stumbling through the process of grief, the inevitable loss, creating final lasting memories and of being there for Edi, bearing witness to the bodily indignities as the end comes ever closer, the inescapable pain, and tsunami of tears and fears, feeling desperately ill prepared. But it is of course complicated, an emotional time of Ash forging closer connections with her family and friends, as they form a unbreakable circle of love and light around Edi. The spirit of life overflows with its beauty, irreverence, joy, humour, wit, a bountiful array of food, drink and parties. There is the hunt for Edi’s all time favourite Sicilian lemon polenta pound cake, the magic of music, questions of life and death, painting nails, the wonders of Farrah Fawcett and Pinky Pie, and stepping into an emotional quagmire as Ash tries to work out what to hold onto and when to let go.
Newman comes from a real place and her own personal experiences of love, heartbreak, grief, and impending loss in this exquisite and astute examination of that territory between life and death, the humanity, the imperfections, the messiness and the chaos, wanting impossible things, whilst the world as you know it is shattering into a million tiny pieces, a world that is slowly being rearranged as perspectives shift and change. This is a touching, moving, loving, and inspiring read which I adored, insightfully portraying the incredible staff that provide palliative care and the hospice experience. A remarkable and unforgettable book sprinkled with stardust that I recommend to everyone. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
November 25, 2022
We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman
2/5
I am the outlier on my feelings for this book because all the reviews I've seen praise this book.
Ashley, the main protagonist, is caring for her childhood and life long friend, Edi, while she is in hospice during her final days dying from Ovarian cancer.
Going in, I was expecting a heartfelt book about grief and reading how the main character has learned some hard earned life lessons from losing the friend she's know her entire life. I expected to cry. What the book is really about is a self absorbed woman going through a mid life crisis who also happens to be caring for her friend in hospice.
Ashley spends most of the book sleeping with her best friends cancer doctor, sleeping with her best friends brother, sleeping with someone else (I don't even remember). She is sad when the husband she left for no good reason starts dating someone younger. You never learn anything meaningful about her friendship with Edie or about Edie herself. It's just the main character thinking she is witty and charming. My disdain for the main character was growing when I came to the part in the story when Edie tells Ashley, 'don't make my eulogy about you.' That sealed it for me.
Is it fair to rate a book so harshly just because you despise the main character? I don't know but I am.
Have you read this book? Do you agree with me?
2/5
I am the outlier on my feelings for this book because all the reviews I've seen praise this book.
Ashley, the main protagonist, is caring for her childhood and life long friend, Edi, while she is in hospice during her final days dying from Ovarian cancer.
Going in, I was expecting a heartfelt book about grief and reading how the main character has learned some hard earned life lessons from losing the friend she's know her entire life. I expected to cry. What the book is really about is a self absorbed woman going through a mid life crisis who also happens to be caring for her friend in hospice.
Ashley spends most of the book sleeping with her best friends cancer doctor, sleeping with her best friends brother, sleeping with someone else (I don't even remember). She is sad when the husband she left for no good reason starts dating someone younger. You never learn anything meaningful about her friendship with Edie or about Edie herself. It's just the main character thinking she is witty and charming. My disdain for the main character was growing when I came to the part in the story when Edie tells Ashley, 'don't make my eulogy about you.' That sealed it for me.
Is it fair to rate a book so harshly just because you despise the main character? I don't know but I am.
Have you read this book? Do you agree with me?
February 8, 2025
"We All Want Impossible Things" by Catherine Newman is a Friendship and Family Fiction story!
Best friends since childhood, more than forty years, Edith and Ashley have been through everything together. They know each other better than they know anyone else. Now Edith is dying of ovarian cancer and spending her last days in a hospice facility close to where Ashley lives.
Ash spends her days talking and reminiscing with Edi, caring for her, being her friend, and trying not to fall to pieces in the process. You see, Ash is a mess. Her life is a mess and she's desperately trying to hold on, while knowing she must let Edi go...
When I started reading this book, I found myself indifferent to Ashley. Written in a first-person narrative, it was strictly Ashley talking about Ashley and my impression, from the synopsis, was this story would focus on the friendship between Ashley and Edith.
Soon, the more I read, the more I had trouble putting it down. I got to know Ash better and begin to understand how screwed up her life was. Whose life wouldn't take a downturn if their best friend was in the final stages of life?
This author has created characters that are well developed and backstories that fill-in all the gaps between them. Two of my favorite aspects of this book is the importance of friendship and family. In this story, the author has merged them together in the most beautiful way.
When I finished reading this, my first thought was, "Wow, what a ride". For a relatively short read it encompasses a roller coaster of emotions, has comedic and dark humor, devastating sadness, the beauty of friendships, the love of family, and the loss of a loved one.
Yes, it was quite the ride! Now I'd like to listen to the audiobook because I didn't get enough of it, I still get glassy eyed when I think about it, and I want to hear the voices of these wonderful characters bring this story to life for me one more time.
I highly recommend this beautifully written story to everyone who can read!
Thank you to NetGalley, Harper, and Catherine Newman for an ARC of this book. It has been an honor to give my honest and voluntary review.
Best friends since childhood, more than forty years, Edith and Ashley have been through everything together. They know each other better than they know anyone else. Now Edith is dying of ovarian cancer and spending her last days in a hospice facility close to where Ashley lives.
Ash spends her days talking and reminiscing with Edi, caring for her, being her friend, and trying not to fall to pieces in the process. You see, Ash is a mess. Her life is a mess and she's desperately trying to hold on, while knowing she must let Edi go...
When I started reading this book, I found myself indifferent to Ashley. Written in a first-person narrative, it was strictly Ashley talking about Ashley and my impression, from the synopsis, was this story would focus on the friendship between Ashley and Edith.
Soon, the more I read, the more I had trouble putting it down. I got to know Ash better and begin to understand how screwed up her life was. Whose life wouldn't take a downturn if their best friend was in the final stages of life?
This author has created characters that are well developed and backstories that fill-in all the gaps between them. Two of my favorite aspects of this book is the importance of friendship and family. In this story, the author has merged them together in the most beautiful way.
When I finished reading this, my first thought was, "Wow, what a ride". For a relatively short read it encompasses a roller coaster of emotions, has comedic and dark humor, devastating sadness, the beauty of friendships, the love of family, and the loss of a loved one.
Yes, it was quite the ride! Now I'd like to listen to the audiobook because I didn't get enough of it, I still get glassy eyed when I think about it, and I want to hear the voices of these wonderful characters bring this story to life for me one more time.
I highly recommend this beautifully written story to everyone who can read!
Thank you to NetGalley, Harper, and Catherine Newman for an ARC of this book. It has been an honor to give my honest and voluntary review.
November 13, 2022
4.5 Stars: This story resonated with me in so many ways. “We All Want Impossible Things� by Catherine Newman perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster that happens when a loved one goes into hospice. In this story, the narrator Ashley (Ash) is helping her best friend die in hospice. Edi (Edith) has ovarian cancer that finally got the best of her. Of course, Edi is young and has a seven-year-old son, which makes it more tragic. The story is Ash’s though, it’s her lens we are filtered through. It was Ash with whom I identified�.trying to be supportive, fighting your own grief, reminiscing, laughing, being maudlin, cry-laughing�.all in the same moment.
My experiences involved both my parents. My dad was 63, which is young, and my mom was 71. For parents, they died young. It was heart-wrenching. This story is about watching your contemporary, who: experienced adulting with you; who made similar growing mistakes; who has a son the same age as your children�.. die. Doesn’t this sound tragic? It is! But, with Catherine Newman’s skill, we live through it in the way that shows the beauty of life and the beauty of dying. We get a birds-eye view of the inner sanctum of hospice.
Humor is necessary in maintaining a healthy soundness of mind. For example, Ash found out there was a waiting list to get into one hospice. Don’t they understand the concept of hospice? Sorry, maybe next time! Or the part that someone plays “Fiddler On The Roof� every afternoon. Ash is separated from her ex-husband, and she finds intimate solace with Edi’s care team, even a family member (awkward). It’s even more awkward when her teenage daughter catches her�.ewe…gross MOM!!
As Ash reminisces of her life with Edi, and her life in general, we are treated to a glimpse of the life of a woman who struggles like the rest of us. The beauty of the story though, are the realistically beautiful scenes of friendship and love. You’ll cry laugh.
I listened to the audio narrated by the wonderful Jane Oppenheimer. She was brilliant narrating the story.
This has been billed as a “riotously funny and fiercely loyal love letter to female friendship.� I agree.
My experiences involved both my parents. My dad was 63, which is young, and my mom was 71. For parents, they died young. It was heart-wrenching. This story is about watching your contemporary, who: experienced adulting with you; who made similar growing mistakes; who has a son the same age as your children�.. die. Doesn’t this sound tragic? It is! But, with Catherine Newman’s skill, we live through it in the way that shows the beauty of life and the beauty of dying. We get a birds-eye view of the inner sanctum of hospice.
Humor is necessary in maintaining a healthy soundness of mind. For example, Ash found out there was a waiting list to get into one hospice. Don’t they understand the concept of hospice? Sorry, maybe next time! Or the part that someone plays “Fiddler On The Roof� every afternoon. Ash is separated from her ex-husband, and she finds intimate solace with Edi’s care team, even a family member (awkward). It’s even more awkward when her teenage daughter catches her�.ewe…gross MOM!!
As Ash reminisces of her life with Edi, and her life in general, we are treated to a glimpse of the life of a woman who struggles like the rest of us. The beauty of the story though, are the realistically beautiful scenes of friendship and love. You’ll cry laugh.
I listened to the audio narrated by the wonderful Jane Oppenheimer. She was brilliant narrating the story.
This has been billed as a “riotously funny and fiercely loyal love letter to female friendship.� I agree.
September 29, 2023
This was so beautiful. Like standing on a star and watching the universe, feeling you’re at the brink of understanding something profound. Read this if you love broadening your mind and let your eyes rest on calming prose.
November 8, 2023
**Many thanks to ŷ, Harper, and Catherine Newman for a gifted copy of this book! Now available as of 11.8!**
Sunrise, sunset, swiftly fly the years
One season following the other
Laden with happiness and tears-"Sunrise, Sunset", The Fiddler on the Roof
If you make it through this book without that song getting stuck in your head at LEAST once...I'd be impressed!
Edith 'Edi' and Ashley have certainly heard their share of the Fiddler tune recently. Edi is in palliative care, and her sister from another mister Ashley has been by her side as she battles ovarian cancer. Aside from dealing with this charming neighbor in the care center who just can't get enough Tevye in their life, Edi knows time is precious and spends as much of it as possible reminiscing with Ashley about their lifelong kinship, and all of the memories shared, from the momentous to the mundane.
Ashley has her own smaller battles going on, as her rotating cast of bed mates includes everyone from her (mostly)ex-husband Honey to Edi's own brother(!) and she can't quite wrap her head around what a future looks like without Edi to be the yin to her yang. As the days pass, Ashley grapples with what lies beyond and what life will look like for Edi's husband Jude and son Dash that she will soon be leaving behind. Amidst the chaos and the emotional turmoil, will Ashley begin to sort out the messy tangles of her life before she loses her best friend for good?
I honestly think this book is a bit hard to describe. I see it as a sort of cross between a slice-of-life story, a tale about the enduring power of friendship, and also, obviously, a book about cancer. In some ways, it almost reads like a long one-act play, the sort that tries to say a lot by not saying too much. Most of the book is recollections of the past from Ashley's POV, detailed in chats between her and Edi, and also the day-to-day life inside the hospice. This might not have been a long read...but it somehow FELT long to me. As much as I desperately tried to connect with the characters, I always felt like something was a bit off. These characters are fine and there isn't anything wrong with them...I just didn't ever feel completely hooked by the plot or too curious about where it was headed.
And then there's the humor. There are many attempts at humor injected throughout the book...but it's not really the sort of humor that makes me laugh out loud. It reminded me more of just how friends might chat in day-to-day life or have sort of silly inside jokes that only make sense to them. Again, nothing WRONG with it per se, but I was disappointed to not be laughing along the way. I think it would be better described as many joyful moments or silly conversations between friends, the sort that would be funny if you were involved, but as a bystander...not so much.
That aside, Newman is a solid writer and she handles the subject matter well. There are a few more gross/graphic parts towards the latter half of the book, so if you know someone who has gone through those sort of treatments (or obviously, if you've experienced them yourself) or you're just generally squeamish, you might want to pass them by. Although I didn't find this book OVERLY memorable or compelling, it had its moments that were quite lyrical and lovely, and those are my greatest takeaway. I would certainly explore other work from this author in the future (particularly if she keeps writing books for adults...for a first shot, this was so well done!)
Major credit is also due to Catherine Newman for writing about a subject that is so near and dear to her own heart, as she mentions her own grief at the recent loss of a friend in her author's note. It's never easy to channel pain and transform it into something beautiful, but to be able to do so with such strength and grace is beyond admirable.
And just like the song from Fiddler so aptly states, Newman reminds us that life is laden with both happiness AND tears.
3.5 stars, rounded up to 4
Now in paperback!
Sunrise, sunset, swiftly fly the years
One season following the other
Laden with happiness and tears-"Sunrise, Sunset", The Fiddler on the Roof
If you make it through this book without that song getting stuck in your head at LEAST once...I'd be impressed!
Edith 'Edi' and Ashley have certainly heard their share of the Fiddler tune recently. Edi is in palliative care, and her sister from another mister Ashley has been by her side as she battles ovarian cancer. Aside from dealing with this charming neighbor in the care center who just can't get enough Tevye in their life, Edi knows time is precious and spends as much of it as possible reminiscing with Ashley about their lifelong kinship, and all of the memories shared, from the momentous to the mundane.
Ashley has her own smaller battles going on, as her rotating cast of bed mates includes everyone from her (mostly)ex-husband Honey to Edi's own brother(!) and she can't quite wrap her head around what a future looks like without Edi to be the yin to her yang. As the days pass, Ashley grapples with what lies beyond and what life will look like for Edi's husband Jude and son Dash that she will soon be leaving behind. Amidst the chaos and the emotional turmoil, will Ashley begin to sort out the messy tangles of her life before she loses her best friend for good?
I honestly think this book is a bit hard to describe. I see it as a sort of cross between a slice-of-life story, a tale about the enduring power of friendship, and also, obviously, a book about cancer. In some ways, it almost reads like a long one-act play, the sort that tries to say a lot by not saying too much. Most of the book is recollections of the past from Ashley's POV, detailed in chats between her and Edi, and also the day-to-day life inside the hospice. This might not have been a long read...but it somehow FELT long to me. As much as I desperately tried to connect with the characters, I always felt like something was a bit off. These characters are fine and there isn't anything wrong with them...I just didn't ever feel completely hooked by the plot or too curious about where it was headed.
And then there's the humor. There are many attempts at humor injected throughout the book...but it's not really the sort of humor that makes me laugh out loud. It reminded me more of just how friends might chat in day-to-day life or have sort of silly inside jokes that only make sense to them. Again, nothing WRONG with it per se, but I was disappointed to not be laughing along the way. I think it would be better described as many joyful moments or silly conversations between friends, the sort that would be funny if you were involved, but as a bystander...not so much.
That aside, Newman is a solid writer and she handles the subject matter well. There are a few more gross/graphic parts towards the latter half of the book, so if you know someone who has gone through those sort of treatments (or obviously, if you've experienced them yourself) or you're just generally squeamish, you might want to pass them by. Although I didn't find this book OVERLY memorable or compelling, it had its moments that were quite lyrical and lovely, and those are my greatest takeaway. I would certainly explore other work from this author in the future (particularly if she keeps writing books for adults...for a first shot, this was so well done!)
Major credit is also due to Catherine Newman for writing about a subject that is so near and dear to her own heart, as she mentions her own grief at the recent loss of a friend in her author's note. It's never easy to channel pain and transform it into something beautiful, but to be able to do so with such strength and grace is beyond admirable.
And just like the song from Fiddler so aptly states, Newman reminds us that life is laden with both happiness AND tears.
3.5 stars, rounded up to 4
Now in paperback!
February 15, 2023
EXCERPT: Plates are filled and passed, caps popped off of beer and prosecco bottles. We are having a bona fide party! Edi's got a glass of bubbly and a chocolate pudding cup from the kitchen. We drag in a couple of extra chairs from the conference room. Farrah Fawcett joins us. Jude gets Nina Simone to pour out of somebody's speaker. Belle's got a band-aid on her head and maybe a concussion, but still both girls gleam almost obscenely: shiny pink cheeks; shiny, dark hair - Jules's long and curly, Belle's short and bristly - and huge smiles. I catch Honey's eye: We made these people . Jude is telling Jules the cake story, and Jules is laughing her sleigh-bells laugh. Belle is asking Jonah something about his work, and I hear her say, 'I know it's not actually a hedgehog fund.' Alice is bent over Edi, talking and laughing quietly, tears glinting like diamonds in her long eyelashes. Nina Simone is feeling good. I'm standing with a can of deliciously bitter beer in my hand, beaming and beaming - my jaw actually aches from smiling so much. I have never been so sad and happy in my entire life. The whole time Edi's been here, I've thought: Live like you're dying? Who would do that? Dying sucks. Now I see it, though. I do want to live like this!
ABOUT 'WE ALL WANT IMPOSSIBLE THINGS': Who knows you better than your best friend? Who knows your secrets, your fears, your desires, your strange imperfect self? Edi and Ash have been best friends for over forty years. Since childhood they have seen each other through life's milestones: stealing vodka from their parents, the Madonna phase, REM concerts, unexpected wakes, marriages, infertility, children. As Ash notes, 'Edi's memory is like the back-up hard drive for mine.'
So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash's world reshapes around the rhythms of Edi's care, from chipped ice and watermelon cubes to music therapy; from snack smuggling to impromptu excursions into the frozen winter night. Because life is about squeezing the joy out of every moment, about building a powerhouse of memories, about learning when to hold on, and when to let go.
MY THOUGHTS: Every star in the sky for this beautiful book.
Reading We All Want Impossible Things, I cried and laughed and cried and laughed some more, often at the same time. Catherine Newman has written rawly and honestly about love and grief, the messiness of the emotional rollercoaster of caring for, and about, the dying.
But, this is a story that is just as much about living as it is about dying. It is a story of sadness and of hope; it is full of life and laughter, and tears and grief. I loved the way Edi's family and friends farewelled her, how they all supported and cared for one another. I wanted to be part of this messy and emotional group, to be one of them.
Intertwined with the story of Ash caring for Edi in her final weeks is the story of Ash's messy life. This doesn't detract at all from the main thread; they blend and complement each other.
I did have some initial difficulty in keeping the characters straight in my mind: Jude, Jules, Jonah; but this didn't last long. Ash is a character who grew on me. I didn't like her much at first, but that changed as the book progressed, and now I would love to have her as a friend.
I love this book enough to buy a hard copy. It's going on my 'forever' shelf: the books I will never be parted from.
This is Catherine Newman's debut adult novel.
My favourite quote: . . . aren't you the person who eavesdropped on your mum and her Dublin cousin gossiping about someone's hysterectomy and thought for years that The Troubles in Ireland were gynecological?'
⭐⭐⭐⭐�
#WeAllWantImpossibleThings #NetGalley
I: @catherinenewman @randomhouse @doubledayukbooks
T: @CatheriNewman @doubledaybooks
#fivestarread #contemporaryfiction #deathanddying #friendship #sliceoflife
THE AUTHOR: Hi! I should probably tell you about myself as a writer, even if you were here to find out some other kind of thing! I write (wrote?) the cooking and lifestyle blog Ben & Birdy. I'm not sure why I wrote "lifestyle." Maybe I mean the kind of lifestyle where you sew your hand to a maple leaf garland while drinking pinot noir.
I have written the grown-up parenting memoirs Catastrophic Happiness (Little, Brown) and Waiting for Birdy (Penguin). I have also written the middle-grade novel One Mixed-Up Night (Random House), Stitch Camp, which is a kids' craft book I co-wrote with my friend Nicole, and the award-winning bestselling skill-building books for kids How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? (both from Storey). My first adult novel, We All Want Impossible Things, is out now.
I have also written about kids, parents, teenagers, food, cooking, love, loss, gender, eating, death, sex, politics, books, babies, snakes, foraging, relationships, crafts, holidays, travel, and fortune telling for lots of magazines, newspapers, and online publications, including the New York Times, O the Oprah Magazine, The Boston Globe, Romper, Self, The Huffington Post, FamilyFun, Parents, and Full Grown People. I am a regular contributor to the Cup of Jo website.
I was, until recently, the etiquette columnist at Real Simple for ten years, even though yes, I swear a lot and don't know what an oyster fork is. I edit the James-Beard-Award-winning nonprofit kids' cooking magazine ChopChop.
My work has been in lots of books and anthologies, including On Being 40, the fabulous Unbored series, The Bitch in the House, Oprah's Little Book of Happiness, and the Full Grown People collections.
I've also done plenty of consulting, public radio commentaries, readings, talks, workshops, and TV appearances.
Two random things: I have a PhD, and I'm the secretary of Creative Writing at Amherst College. (catherinenewmanwriter.com)
DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Random House UK, Transworld Publishers, Doubleday via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my ŷ.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com
This review is also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage
ABOUT 'WE ALL WANT IMPOSSIBLE THINGS': Who knows you better than your best friend? Who knows your secrets, your fears, your desires, your strange imperfect self? Edi and Ash have been best friends for over forty years. Since childhood they have seen each other through life's milestones: stealing vodka from their parents, the Madonna phase, REM concerts, unexpected wakes, marriages, infertility, children. As Ash notes, 'Edi's memory is like the back-up hard drive for mine.'
So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash's world reshapes around the rhythms of Edi's care, from chipped ice and watermelon cubes to music therapy; from snack smuggling to impromptu excursions into the frozen winter night. Because life is about squeezing the joy out of every moment, about building a powerhouse of memories, about learning when to hold on, and when to let go.
MY THOUGHTS: Every star in the sky for this beautiful book.
Reading We All Want Impossible Things, I cried and laughed and cried and laughed some more, often at the same time. Catherine Newman has written rawly and honestly about love and grief, the messiness of the emotional rollercoaster of caring for, and about, the dying.
But, this is a story that is just as much about living as it is about dying. It is a story of sadness and of hope; it is full of life and laughter, and tears and grief. I loved the way Edi's family and friends farewelled her, how they all supported and cared for one another. I wanted to be part of this messy and emotional group, to be one of them.
Intertwined with the story of Ash caring for Edi in her final weeks is the story of Ash's messy life. This doesn't detract at all from the main thread; they blend and complement each other.
I did have some initial difficulty in keeping the characters straight in my mind: Jude, Jules, Jonah; but this didn't last long. Ash is a character who grew on me. I didn't like her much at first, but that changed as the book progressed, and now I would love to have her as a friend.
I love this book enough to buy a hard copy. It's going on my 'forever' shelf: the books I will never be parted from.
This is Catherine Newman's debut adult novel.
My favourite quote: . . . aren't you the person who eavesdropped on your mum and her Dublin cousin gossiping about someone's hysterectomy and thought for years that The Troubles in Ireland were gynecological?'
⭐⭐⭐⭐�
#WeAllWantImpossibleThings #NetGalley
I: @catherinenewman @randomhouse @doubledayukbooks
T: @CatheriNewman @doubledaybooks
#fivestarread #contemporaryfiction #deathanddying #friendship #sliceoflife
THE AUTHOR: Hi! I should probably tell you about myself as a writer, even if you were here to find out some other kind of thing! I write (wrote?) the cooking and lifestyle blog Ben & Birdy. I'm not sure why I wrote "lifestyle." Maybe I mean the kind of lifestyle where you sew your hand to a maple leaf garland while drinking pinot noir.
I have written the grown-up parenting memoirs Catastrophic Happiness (Little, Brown) and Waiting for Birdy (Penguin). I have also written the middle-grade novel One Mixed-Up Night (Random House), Stitch Camp, which is a kids' craft book I co-wrote with my friend Nicole, and the award-winning bestselling skill-building books for kids How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? (both from Storey). My first adult novel, We All Want Impossible Things, is out now.
I have also written about kids, parents, teenagers, food, cooking, love, loss, gender, eating, death, sex, politics, books, babies, snakes, foraging, relationships, crafts, holidays, travel, and fortune telling for lots of magazines, newspapers, and online publications, including the New York Times, O the Oprah Magazine, The Boston Globe, Romper, Self, The Huffington Post, FamilyFun, Parents, and Full Grown People. I am a regular contributor to the Cup of Jo website.
I was, until recently, the etiquette columnist at Real Simple for ten years, even though yes, I swear a lot and don't know what an oyster fork is. I edit the James-Beard-Award-winning nonprofit kids' cooking magazine ChopChop.
My work has been in lots of books and anthologies, including On Being 40, the fabulous Unbored series, The Bitch in the House, Oprah's Little Book of Happiness, and the Full Grown People collections.
I've also done plenty of consulting, public radio commentaries, readings, talks, workshops, and TV appearances.
Two random things: I have a PhD, and I'm the secretary of Creative Writing at Amherst College. (catherinenewmanwriter.com)
DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Random House UK, Transworld Publishers, Doubleday via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my ŷ.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com
This review is also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage
November 28, 2022
Reminder �
I’m permanently retiring from writing new reviews. (there’s plenty enough to read).
The following is a little book ‘comment�.
ܻ徱DzǴǰ�.🍰🥂🎶🩺🍕🥓🍩🍜🧆🍷🍾🥨️⚱️💕
“Life is too short to live without Pringles”�.
The unhealthy billion-dollar processed snack food is high in saturated fat and sodium.
Dying? Eat away!
A powerful life & death affirming novel!!!
Sweet listening companion! 🍧
4.5 rating
I’m permanently retiring from writing new reviews. (there’s plenty enough to read).
The following is a little book ‘comment�.
ܻ徱DzǴǰ�.🍰🥂🎶🩺🍕🥓🍩🍜🧆🍷🍾🥨️⚱️💕
“Life is too short to live without Pringles”�.
The unhealthy billion-dollar processed snack food is high in saturated fat and sodium.
Dying? Eat away!
A powerful life & death affirming novel!!!
Sweet listening companion! 🍧
4.5 rating
February 9, 2023
My cousin, Margaret, really loved this book. So if you are my cousin Margaret, please do not read any further. Keep that good feeling going that the book gave you. Also, I really like Margaret’s book recommendations so maybe this one just hit me at the wrong time.
For me, this novel was a mess. I can’t remember the last time I disliked a book so much. I think it’s my first one star on goodreads. The main character, Ash, was the most self absorbed person I’ve ever read. And everyone just laughs about it. The dying friend, Edi, literally said, “please don’t make the eulogy you read at my funeral about you.� (Spoiler alert: she does). At every turn all she can think about is herself. Her family, her kids, her friends—everyone just caters to her narcissism and affirms her bad behavior. Edie’s in the last stages of death and Ash wants to ask her if she can have her favorite shirt back. At Edi’s death vigil, Ash is insecure that maybe Edi sees another friend as her best friend. Is this middle school? Did I mention she sleeps with everyone caring for Edi? Edi’s doctor, her nurse, her brother; Ashe tries to hide it from her dying friend. I was surprised she didn’t try to sleep with Edi’s husband. What in the world is wrong with this hospice facility? The doctor and nurse and music therapist are all sleeping with the patient’s loved ones, the doctor is asking for and taking a piece of Edi’s weed-laced chocolate at her bedside…I’m a nurse and I’ve worked on hospice floors before and can’t imagine anything so unethical happening as what happened in this book. It’s unbelievable.
There is absolutely no growth for Ash in this book and in the end, she gets back together with her estranged husband which I can’t for the life of me understand why. Honey, you were free! Why would you go back to that?! Go find someone who looks outside of herself for a hot minute! I have never rooted for a couple to stay estranged the way I did these two. She didn’t deserve Honey.
I was one and a half chapters in and already hated it but thought I’d give it more time. I wish I hadn’t. It was infuriating to read. I wish I could get my time back, but we all want impossible things�
For me, this novel was a mess. I can’t remember the last time I disliked a book so much. I think it’s my first one star on goodreads. The main character, Ash, was the most self absorbed person I’ve ever read. And everyone just laughs about it. The dying friend, Edi, literally said, “please don’t make the eulogy you read at my funeral about you.� (Spoiler alert: she does). At every turn all she can think about is herself. Her family, her kids, her friends—everyone just caters to her narcissism and affirms her bad behavior. Edie’s in the last stages of death and Ash wants to ask her if she can have her favorite shirt back. At Edi’s death vigil, Ash is insecure that maybe Edi sees another friend as her best friend. Is this middle school? Did I mention she sleeps with everyone caring for Edi? Edi’s doctor, her nurse, her brother; Ashe tries to hide it from her dying friend. I was surprised she didn’t try to sleep with Edi’s husband. What in the world is wrong with this hospice facility? The doctor and nurse and music therapist are all sleeping with the patient’s loved ones, the doctor is asking for and taking a piece of Edi’s weed-laced chocolate at her bedside…I’m a nurse and I’ve worked on hospice floors before and can’t imagine anything so unethical happening as what happened in this book. It’s unbelievable.
There is absolutely no growth for Ash in this book and in the end, she gets back together with her estranged husband which I can’t for the life of me understand why. Honey, you were free! Why would you go back to that?! Go find someone who looks outside of herself for a hot minute! I have never rooted for a couple to stay estranged the way I did these two. She didn’t deserve Honey.
I was one and a half chapters in and already hated it but thought I’d give it more time. I wish I hadn’t. It was infuriating to read. I wish I could get my time back, but we all want impossible things�
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 6, 2023
We All Want Impossible Things: this slim book with the most perfect cover has both drawn me to it, and honestly, scared me a little since its release. Now available in paperback, and just after the one year mark of Dad passing away, the feelings drawing me in won, and they were the ones I should have listened to all along.
Ash and Edi are lifelong best friends, and Edi has terminal ovarian cancer. The story begins with Edi and her family, including Ash, deciding her next steps in care when there are no more treatment options, and hospice is the recommended next step. What commences feels like a few short weeks of Ash navigating caring for her dearest friend in the most meaningful of ways while also mourning the eventual loss of her, bit by bit.
I’ll admit I was scared of the sadness in this book. Having been the main caretaker for Dad, I was worried it would be too hard at times, but then I hadn’t met the narrator, Ash, and Catherine Newman’s sense of humor. I was in careful hands, the story was tenderly, yet wittily, narrated by Ash, and while I cried a couple times near the end of the story, I was brought right back in by the hope and goodness of everyone who surrounded Edi in her last days.
I learned before I read that Catherine Newman experienced a similar loss. While this is fiction, the grain of truth, the authenticity, never wanes, and it feels like a deeply personal memoir. We should all have a friend like Edi. We should all have one like Ash. We should all continue to want Impossible Things. I loved this book. All the stars. I only wish I’d read it sooner.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: and instagram:
Ash and Edi are lifelong best friends, and Edi has terminal ovarian cancer. The story begins with Edi and her family, including Ash, deciding her next steps in care when there are no more treatment options, and hospice is the recommended next step. What commences feels like a few short weeks of Ash navigating caring for her dearest friend in the most meaningful of ways while also mourning the eventual loss of her, bit by bit.
I’ll admit I was scared of the sadness in this book. Having been the main caretaker for Dad, I was worried it would be too hard at times, but then I hadn’t met the narrator, Ash, and Catherine Newman’s sense of humor. I was in careful hands, the story was tenderly, yet wittily, narrated by Ash, and while I cried a couple times near the end of the story, I was brought right back in by the hope and goodness of everyone who surrounded Edi in her last days.
I learned before I read that Catherine Newman experienced a similar loss. While this is fiction, the grain of truth, the authenticity, never wanes, and it feels like a deeply personal memoir. We should all have a friend like Edi. We should all have one like Ash. We should all continue to want Impossible Things. I loved this book. All the stars. I only wish I’d read it sooner.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: and instagram:
November 28, 2023
My first DNF of the year.
This book is not giving what I thought it was going to give.
This novel was a mess. It was jumbled words to me. The main character Ash is so self absorbed like your best friend is dying why are you acting like that?
This book is not giving what I thought it was going to give.
This novel was a mess. It was jumbled words to me. The main character Ash is so self absorbed like your best friend is dying why are you acting like that?
November 10, 2022
4.5 stars
Such an authentically real book about life, death, friendship and family.
Ash and Edi have been friends for their entire lives. Now Edi is in hospice dying from ovarian cancer. They go through this unthinkable journey together, as they've done everything else, always. Ash has to learn how to process and learn how to live her life separate from her best friend.
For a book about dying, this novel certainly had many laugh out loud moments. Usually in a book I just smile when something is funny, but I honestly burst out laughing many times during my reading. It's also a nostalgic look back at lives well lived, at mistakes and missteps, at the way grief manifests itself within us and those around us.
I didn't really like Ash at first, I thought she made some horrible choices, but I came to understand her by the end. It's not an easy path to navigate losing someone who is basically your other half, and Ash just does the best she can to comfort herself, even if some of those choices are not so good. The other characters are just so well drawn and vivid and I enjoyed spending time with them.
One stupid picky thing: WHY do authors insist on naming characters such similar names. Jules and Jude and Jonah? Really? I had such a difficult time keeping them straight through most of the book, especially Jules and Jude.
In the end, this is a lovely book, filled with laughter and tears, because that's what life (and death) is, isn't it?
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
Such an authentically real book about life, death, friendship and family.
Ash and Edi have been friends for their entire lives. Now Edi is in hospice dying from ovarian cancer. They go through this unthinkable journey together, as they've done everything else, always. Ash has to learn how to process and learn how to live her life separate from her best friend.
For a book about dying, this novel certainly had many laugh out loud moments. Usually in a book I just smile when something is funny, but I honestly burst out laughing many times during my reading. It's also a nostalgic look back at lives well lived, at mistakes and missteps, at the way grief manifests itself within us and those around us.
I didn't really like Ash at first, I thought she made some horrible choices, but I came to understand her by the end. It's not an easy path to navigate losing someone who is basically your other half, and Ash just does the best she can to comfort herself, even if some of those choices are not so good. The other characters are just so well drawn and vivid and I enjoyed spending time with them.
One stupid picky thing: WHY do authors insist on naming characters such similar names. Jules and Jude and Jonah? Really? I had such a difficult time keeping them straight through most of the book, especially Jules and Jude.
In the end, this is a lovely book, filled with laughter and tears, because that's what life (and death) is, isn't it?
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
October 4, 2022
2.5 out of 5
Did Not Finish
I don’t think it’s really fair of me to give this a rating as I’ll be honest I got through 40% before having to accept defeat.
At times I thought this book showed a lot of promise as this book is filled with love and heartbreak by the bucket full but unfortunately it is far too scattered. I’m not sure if scattered is the right term but it feels like it is constantly going off on tangents like our narrator cannot tell one story without it being filled with 15 tales.
It flips from modern day to several times or perspectives like a yo-yo and I just could not keep track of what was happening (although maybe I just don’t have the attention span lol).
I’m sure for many this book will be completely captivating but it sadly is not for me.
Did Not Finish
I don’t think it’s really fair of me to give this a rating as I’ll be honest I got through 40% before having to accept defeat.
At times I thought this book showed a lot of promise as this book is filled with love and heartbreak by the bucket full but unfortunately it is far too scattered. I’m not sure if scattered is the right term but it feels like it is constantly going off on tangents like our narrator cannot tell one story without it being filled with 15 tales.
It flips from modern day to several times or perspectives like a yo-yo and I just could not keep track of what was happening (although maybe I just don’t have the attention span lol).
I’m sure for many this book will be completely captivating but it sadly is not for me.
October 10, 2022
4-5 stars
Edi is dying, it’s a horribly inevitable result of her ovarian cancer. The New York hospital need to move her to hospice care and that’s proving tricky and so she has to go to one near where her best friend Ashley lives in West Massachusetts and she’s now been there three weeks. The two women have been best friends for forty two years and have shared many highs and lows and everything in between. This wonderful novel tells the story of Edi’s last days with the appearance of hospice characters such as Cedar with his guitar and Doctor “Soprano� with the accompaniment of Fiddler on the Roof blasting out at full volume in the background. The pair reminisce and try to come to terms with letting go of something so precious. Ash is struggling in her personal life with her nearly ex-husband and teenage daughters especially Belle.
This is a beautifully written book which has you engaged from the start principally because the characterisation is so good. Sometimes it even has you bursting out laughing so don’t worry if you think it may be too depressing although obviously it does make you want to cry especially at the end so have your tissues at the ready. There is sadness and heartache, it is moving and poignant but it is also full of joy and laughter. Both Edi and Ash are wonderful characters, Ash is imperfect but she’s honest and hilarious with a very (very) messy sex life. The relationship with Edi is just so fantastic as they talk about their past lives and the situation in the present day. The dialogue between them is excellent as it is throughout . Belle is a real chip off the old block and the relationship between her and Ash is a good one with their conversations being highly entertaining.
There is a lot of focus on food especially a lemon polenta cake so you may find yourself salivating from time to time!
Overall, this is a perfectly pitched and touching story which isn’t especially long which it doesn’t need to be.
With thanks to NetGalley and especially to Random House U.K., Transworld, Doubleday for the much appreciated arc in return for an honest review.
Edi is dying, it’s a horribly inevitable result of her ovarian cancer. The New York hospital need to move her to hospice care and that’s proving tricky and so she has to go to one near where her best friend Ashley lives in West Massachusetts and she’s now been there three weeks. The two women have been best friends for forty two years and have shared many highs and lows and everything in between. This wonderful novel tells the story of Edi’s last days with the appearance of hospice characters such as Cedar with his guitar and Doctor “Soprano� with the accompaniment of Fiddler on the Roof blasting out at full volume in the background. The pair reminisce and try to come to terms with letting go of something so precious. Ash is struggling in her personal life with her nearly ex-husband and teenage daughters especially Belle.
This is a beautifully written book which has you engaged from the start principally because the characterisation is so good. Sometimes it even has you bursting out laughing so don’t worry if you think it may be too depressing although obviously it does make you want to cry especially at the end so have your tissues at the ready. There is sadness and heartache, it is moving and poignant but it is also full of joy and laughter. Both Edi and Ash are wonderful characters, Ash is imperfect but she’s honest and hilarious with a very (very) messy sex life. The relationship with Edi is just so fantastic as they talk about their past lives and the situation in the present day. The dialogue between them is excellent as it is throughout . Belle is a real chip off the old block and the relationship between her and Ash is a good one with their conversations being highly entertaining.
There is a lot of focus on food especially a lemon polenta cake so you may find yourself salivating from time to time!
Overall, this is a perfectly pitched and touching story which isn’t especially long which it doesn’t need to be.
With thanks to NetGalley and especially to Random House U.K., Transworld, Doubleday for the much appreciated arc in return for an honest review.
January 2, 2023
I am DNFing this at 30% as this isn't the story I was anticipating based on the blurb.
My expectation was that the plot would revolve around Ash AND Edi, focusing on their relationship and the time they spent together making memories and learning to cope with Edi's imminent death. What I actually got was a story that talked about food A LOT and had a female protagonist (Ash) who was very self-centred. Her internal monologue and reflection on past events made me suspect this wasn't just a coping mechanism in the here and now but was part of who she was. Edi appeared in the book almost as though an after-thought.
Rather than the touching, gentle, moving tale of a terminal illness, the book felt brash, loud and, at times, sleazy. This just wasn't for me, due to personal preferences, though I am sure others will enjoy the book.
My expectation was that the plot would revolve around Ash AND Edi, focusing on their relationship and the time they spent together making memories and learning to cope with Edi's imminent death. What I actually got was a story that talked about food A LOT and had a female protagonist (Ash) who was very self-centred. Her internal monologue and reflection on past events made me suspect this wasn't just a coping mechanism in the here and now but was part of who she was. Edi appeared in the book almost as though an after-thought.
Rather than the touching, gentle, moving tale of a terminal illness, the book felt brash, loud and, at times, sleazy. This just wasn't for me, due to personal preferences, though I am sure others will enjoy the book.
December 29, 2022
[4.5] This book is dazzlingly simple. It is about Ash's relationships with the people in her life - her dying friend, her daughters, her ex-husband... Newman writes luminous, hilarious sentences that together spin a profound story about love and loss and more love.
November 9, 2022
Edi, a 45-year-old mom and documentary filmmaker, is dying of ovarian cancer in a hospice in Western Massachusetts. Where does a novel go with this setup?
We All Want Impossible Things relies mainly on the narrative voice and memories of Edi’s childhood friend, Ash. That works powerfully, except when it doesn’t.
When she’s honest about her deepest shame, grief, regret, jealousy, and love for Edi, Ash’s voice is unbearably compelling. Of course, most books can’t maintain that intensity for their entire length, so an alternate, lighter voice is also needed. But Ash’s voice for the majority of this novel is too cute, too aware of its own cleverness and crammed with nonstop one-liners. It’s fun for a few pages, until it runs into IV poles and gastrostomy bags.
The minimal plot covers Edi’s last weeks at a hospice near Ash’s home in Western Massachusetts while friends and family straggle in and out, sharing memories and rugelach, and trying not to cry too much. Luckily, what could be a gloomy or even boring narrative is richly interspersed with colorful flashbacks about Edi’s and Ash’s childhoods, marriages, house-hunting, and the raising of their own children. As well, the psychological unraveling of Ash’s life creates a more active subplot in itself, with her bouts of comfort food and comfort one-night stands.
The characters are all original, fully imagined human beings, likable in different ways. (Sometimes they’re overly nice, in the cases of Ash’s husband with the annoying name of Honey and her too-wise-and-tolerant teenage daughter, Belle.)
Most important, Edi is neither depressed nor spunky, but just herself -- sometimes cracking jokes, sometimes scolding Ash, sometimes musing in odd ways that are painful but subtle signs of cognitive decline.
The novel’s premise, however, is hard to swallow. If Edi has only weeks to live, would she really leave her husband, Jude, and 7-year-old son � forever-- to die at a hospice three hours away, merely because Ash and Jude can’t find a hospice nearer to her New York City home within their first few hours of phone calls? Wouldn’t Edi want to spend every last minute with her family? How about staying at home and hiring a temporary aide or nurse while her companions continue searching for a closer hospice?
(Please see my full review in the New York Journal of Books:
We All Want Impossible Things relies mainly on the narrative voice and memories of Edi’s childhood friend, Ash. That works powerfully, except when it doesn’t.
When she’s honest about her deepest shame, grief, regret, jealousy, and love for Edi, Ash’s voice is unbearably compelling. Of course, most books can’t maintain that intensity for their entire length, so an alternate, lighter voice is also needed. But Ash’s voice for the majority of this novel is too cute, too aware of its own cleverness and crammed with nonstop one-liners. It’s fun for a few pages, until it runs into IV poles and gastrostomy bags.
The minimal plot covers Edi’s last weeks at a hospice near Ash’s home in Western Massachusetts while friends and family straggle in and out, sharing memories and rugelach, and trying not to cry too much. Luckily, what could be a gloomy or even boring narrative is richly interspersed with colorful flashbacks about Edi’s and Ash’s childhoods, marriages, house-hunting, and the raising of their own children. As well, the psychological unraveling of Ash’s life creates a more active subplot in itself, with her bouts of comfort food and comfort one-night stands.
The characters are all original, fully imagined human beings, likable in different ways. (Sometimes they’re overly nice, in the cases of Ash’s husband with the annoying name of Honey and her too-wise-and-tolerant teenage daughter, Belle.)
Most important, Edi is neither depressed nor spunky, but just herself -- sometimes cracking jokes, sometimes scolding Ash, sometimes musing in odd ways that are painful but subtle signs of cognitive decline.
The novel’s premise, however, is hard to swallow. If Edi has only weeks to live, would she really leave her husband, Jude, and 7-year-old son � forever-- to die at a hospice three hours away, merely because Ash and Jude can’t find a hospice nearer to her New York City home within their first few hours of phone calls? Wouldn’t Edi want to spend every last minute with her family? How about staying at home and hiring a temporary aide or nurse while her companions continue searching for a closer hospice?
(Please see my full review in the New York Journal of Books:
October 26, 2022
I sobbed my way through this tiny gem of a book. It was beautiful and crushingly sad and also funny. As someone who has watched a love one die in hospice I can also attest it is brutally accurate. This book has earned a very special place in my heart.
November 17, 2022
Catherine Newman's first novel for adults is a tremendously moving story about lifelong friendship, love, and saying goodbye. It's really beautiful!
Ash and Edi have been friends since childhood. They’ve shared everything together—high school prom, weddings, pregnancies, all of their hopes and fears. When Edi’s battle with ovarian cancer nears its end and her doctors recommend she be moved to hospice, the only option is for her to go to a hospice near Ash’s home in Western Massachusetts.
Ash spends hours and hours every day with Edi, reminiscing, crying, eating, drinking, and getting to know the staff and other residents of the hospice, many of whom, like Edi, wind up living longer than their doctors predicted, although they are slowly moving toward their end.
“Edi’s memory is like the backup hard drive for mine, and I have that same crashing, crushing feeling you have when the beach ball on your computer starts spinning. I have the feeling you’d have if there were a vault with all your jewels in it, everything precious, only the person with the combination to the lock was hanging on to a penthouse ledge by a fingertip.�
At the same time, Ash is dealing with her own midlife crisis. She still pines for her husband despite their separation, but that isn’t stopping her from sleeping with several different men. As she comes to terms with her best friend’s mortality, she’s also concerned about her daughters and what will happen to Edi’s husband and young son.
This is definitely an emotional book, but it wasn’t actually as overwhelmingly sad as I thought it would be. There are surprising flashes of humor and levity throughout. And as someone who lost a best friend last year, the book captured many of my feelings very accurately.
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Ash and Edi have been friends since childhood. They’ve shared everything together—high school prom, weddings, pregnancies, all of their hopes and fears. When Edi’s battle with ovarian cancer nears its end and her doctors recommend she be moved to hospice, the only option is for her to go to a hospice near Ash’s home in Western Massachusetts.
Ash spends hours and hours every day with Edi, reminiscing, crying, eating, drinking, and getting to know the staff and other residents of the hospice, many of whom, like Edi, wind up living longer than their doctors predicted, although they are slowly moving toward their end.
“Edi’s memory is like the backup hard drive for mine, and I have that same crashing, crushing feeling you have when the beach ball on your computer starts spinning. I have the feeling you’d have if there were a vault with all your jewels in it, everything precious, only the person with the combination to the lock was hanging on to a penthouse ledge by a fingertip.�
At the same time, Ash is dealing with her own midlife crisis. She still pines for her husband despite their separation, but that isn’t stopping her from sleeping with several different men. As she comes to terms with her best friend’s mortality, she’s also concerned about her daughters and what will happen to Edi’s husband and young son.
This is definitely an emotional book, but it wasn’t actually as overwhelmingly sad as I thought it would be. There are surprising flashes of humor and levity throughout. And as someone who lost a best friend last year, the book captured many of my feelings very accurately.
See all of my reviews at .
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November 15, 2022
This was a Real Simple rec, and I was coming down off the high of Lessons in Chemistry, hoping for a comparably great subsequent read. Kind of wish I hadn’t dived into this. The rec was so glowing, and I used to want to be a hospice nurse and served for a time as a hospice respite volunteer, so a fresh, “outrageously funny� take on a best friend going thru the hospice/palliative care process of dying seemed awesome and irresistible. But for the most part, this really wasn’t. There are redeeming qualities to it. The “I’m dying� and “it’s killing me� statements we all make and try to eject from our vocabulary when visiting someone in hospice who’s actually dying? Truth. But the main character is so wildly self-focused. I kept thinking “this chick needs so much damn therapy.� There’s a lot of self-reflection when a loved one’s dying, but hell. Ash is an irresponsible 14 yr old in a mom’s body. I just had no patience or tolerance for her. Spent half the book rolling my eyes at her.
December 18, 2022
Written like one of those “cool moms.� You know, the sad, desperate for affection and affirmation types who have a too-close relationship with their teenage daughter. Pukey and off putting.
December 5, 2022
3.5. I adored this book EXCEPT for two major qualms. Please do not name three of your characters names that start with the letter J, I will interchange them constantly in my mind the entire time 🙃 also, I found Ash to be a very unlikeable character which at times took away from the raw and painful reality of Edi’s passing. But for sheer tenderness and unlikely humor amid so much grief, I still loved it.
January 13, 2023
I literally HATED this book. You ever read a book so bad, that it was literally changing your mood for the worse because everything about it just annoyed you.. yea.. it was this book for me. Should've easily made it to my DNF list.
I absolutely hated the author's style of writing. It was just like a bunch of random ass thoughts put together with a hot ass mess of a main character. Ash is extremely annoying. The entire time reading this novel, I just kept thinking, "she needs therapy".. or she just needs to grow tf up. The dark humor throughout the novel got old and annoying fast.
Also.. umm.. if my significant other is dying.. there is no way in hell that I would just send them off to another state to die while I stay behind when my spouse could pass at any moment.
I absolutely hated the author's style of writing. It was just like a bunch of random ass thoughts put together with a hot ass mess of a main character. Ash is extremely annoying. The entire time reading this novel, I just kept thinking, "she needs therapy".. or she just needs to grow tf up. The dark humor throughout the novel got old and annoying fast.
Also.. umm.. if my significant other is dying.. there is no way in hell that I would just send them off to another state to die while I stay behind when my spouse could pass at any moment.
January 13, 2023
DNF. I found Ash so chaotic and self-absorbed that I couldn’t spend any more time with her. How many times can your teenage daughter walk in on you having sex before you LOCK YOUR DOOR?
May 13, 2024
“Everywhere, behind closed doors, people are dying, and people are grieving them. It’s the most basic fact about human life � tied with birth, I guess � but it’s so startling too� A worldwide crescendo of grief, sustained day after day, and only one tiny note of it is mine,� the narrator writes.
Edi is dying. Ash is her best friend. They have been for over 42 years. What is beautiful about this story is that the author achieved something that is difficult. She talks about death with humor. And we as readers can be present � albeit with Kleenex.
Edi is now in hospice care near Ash, while her husband and young son are back home. Even as Ash’s personal life is a mess, we see the beauty and burden of caring for someone in their final moments while also showing the gift of Edi and Ash’s once-in-a-lifetime friendship.
The author is also frank about the physical reality of cancer and explicitly shows how grueling it can be to care for a friend while watching them die � there are falls and tears, leaking tubes that soak Edi in bile, and gradual changes to Edi’s appearance and mental state as the end draws near.
As Ash says, “It’s monstrous. It is too much to take. Why do we even do this � love anybody? Our dumb animal hearts.�
But the author is also open and honest about the joy we feel and how it commingles with the grief and how happiness and gratitude can coexist with sorrow when she shares:
“Life is just seesawing between the gorgeous and the menacing � like when you go for a run and one minute the whole neighborhood is lilacs in purple bloom, and then the next it’s stained boxer shorts and an inside-out latex glove.�
Or in one final word�
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. -She made � and took � a lot of it.�
This truly was a warm and remarkably funny book about death and caregiving that will make readers laugh through their tears. It definitely made this one do so.
Edi is dying. Ash is her best friend. They have been for over 42 years. What is beautiful about this story is that the author achieved something that is difficult. She talks about death with humor. And we as readers can be present � albeit with Kleenex.
Edi is now in hospice care near Ash, while her husband and young son are back home. Even as Ash’s personal life is a mess, we see the beauty and burden of caring for someone in their final moments while also showing the gift of Edi and Ash’s once-in-a-lifetime friendship.
The author is also frank about the physical reality of cancer and explicitly shows how grueling it can be to care for a friend while watching them die � there are falls and tears, leaking tubes that soak Edi in bile, and gradual changes to Edi’s appearance and mental state as the end draws near.
As Ash says, “It’s monstrous. It is too much to take. Why do we even do this � love anybody? Our dumb animal hearts.�
But the author is also open and honest about the joy we feel and how it commingles with the grief and how happiness and gratitude can coexist with sorrow when she shares:
“Life is just seesawing between the gorgeous and the menacing � like when you go for a run and one minute the whole neighborhood is lilacs in purple bloom, and then the next it’s stained boxer shorts and an inside-out latex glove.�
Or in one final word�
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. -She made � and took � a lot of it.�
This truly was a warm and remarkably funny book about death and caregiving that will make readers laugh through their tears. It definitely made this one do so.
December 4, 2022
Loads of people love this book but I just couldn't get into it. It was a jumble of words to me, the relationships between the many characters just didn't make sense, the names were annoying, a man called Honey, really? The conversations rambled on without meaning and I had no empathy for any of the characters. A big no for me but thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read an arc.
December 9, 2024
boyfriend is out of the country for a whole week and i’m home sick so obviously i will torture myself with every sad book i can find
September 20, 2024
I honestly don’t know what to say about this book. There was a lot that I liked about it, but there was also a lot that I didn’t. Without a doubt Ms. Newman is a very talented author and she tackled a very sensitive and difficult subject. I just found it difficult to appreciate some of her methods of approach to telling this story and the actions of some of the characters.
Having read this book and this author’s newest book, Sandwich, which I also rated 3 stars, I think that it is time for us to part ways. However, there are many, many readers who loved both of these books, so I am going to consider myself an outlier here and move on.
Once again, overall, I liked this book, I just didn’t love it.
Having read this book and this author’s newest book, Sandwich, which I also rated 3 stars, I think that it is time for us to part ways. However, there are many, many readers who loved both of these books, so I am going to consider myself an outlier here and move on.
Once again, overall, I liked this book, I just didn’t love it.
August 16, 2022
(free review copy) holy mother of favorite books 😭 I can’t really describe just how much I loved this but maybe the fact that my family was annoyed at me laughing out loud so often but also my pillow was soaked in tears when I read the entire last half in bed helps depict the emotions? How can a book set around death and in a hospice be funny? I don’t freaking KNOW but damn it was. It was human and wry and hilarious and heartbreaking and I loved every single word. Middle age and mothering teens and marriage and friendship and death and messiness. This will be the book I recommend the most this year, hands down.
December 20, 2023
4.5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 rounded up!! A beautiful story about the narrators’s journey through her friend’s death. The writing is stunning! The audible is glorious!!
This story won’t be for everyone but if you are someone that can get up close and personal with the dying process and understand that it is actually a gift when you are able to share this time with someone
This story won’t be for everyone but if you are someone that can get up close and personal with the dying process and understand that it is actually a gift when you are able to share this time with someone
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