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“Fortunately—for the purposes of this study but not for those involved, for it was a bloody affair—the battle was fought all over again fifteen hundred years later on the exact site; and in this modern connection there exists voluminous expert military analysis of the relation of topography to battle action. Many of the anomalies of the great struggle between the forces of Theodosius and Arbogast are explained by comparison with the Italian-Austrian engagement on exactly the same site on August 12, 1916 and the several days following.”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Fall of Rome

“Olympius, in the name of the Emperor Honorius, ordered the forces in Bologna to take the field against Alaric, on peril of the death of their families. The generals sent word that they could not find the forces of Alaric. The scouts from Bologna silently saluted the Goths of Alaric as they went by, but they could not find them.”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Fall of Rome

“The Children's programs generally sounded interesting, such as ‘How to Be a Werewolfâ€�. Well, how do you be a werewolf? Except that I am no longer a child, I would have attended this program and learned how to be a werewolf, and I would be one now.”
― R.A. Lafferty, It's Down the Slippery Cellar Stairs

“The thing that is called ‘mainstream fictionâ€� is an invalid masquerade of the world. It wears masks identical to the faces under the masks; it wears costumes identical to the clothes under the costumes; it enclosed the ‘world setsâ€� in ‘theatrical setsâ€� of the same appearance. What kind of masquerade is that which does not mask?”
― R.A. Lafferty, It's Down the Slippery Cellar Stairs

“If the Col­onel were not burdened with a mind, he would be able to think more clearly.”
― R.A. Lafferty

“And the people had begun to gather, tame people with a new wild look about them. Like wolves they were, and they snuffed and howled. Panlykonium reigned in Centrality Square, .and the air sparked with danger.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“We have run out of tricks, but the people haven't run out of expecting tricks.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Several bitter contemporary references to the pseudo-Emperor Eugenius had puzzled us. They asked how a man of such an appearance could attempt the pagan re-establishment. They asked it in horror, for there were certain horrifying aspects to this particular pagan reversion. It was not the old disinterested paganism; it was impassioned and very nearly diabolical in some of its manifestations.
The meaning of the references came clear with the examination of reproductions of coins and medallions of the pseudo-Emperor. Eugenius, who affected an old oriental style in hair and beard, had the face of Jesus Christ.”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Fall of Rome

“Half a century went by. Clarence Big-Saddle called his son. ‘I’ve had it, boy,â€� he said. ‘I think I’ll just go in the house and die.â€� ‘OK, Dad,â€� the son Clarence Little-Saddle said. ‘I’m going in to town to shoot a few games of pool with the boys. I’ll bury you when I get back this evening.”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Best of R. A. Lafferty

“Science Fiction is a group of symptoms and not a disease,â€� so a medical student (failed) told me once. “It's like the old disease hydropsy that doctors treated for so long before discovering that it was only a collection of symptoms, sometimes for a heart disease, sometimes for a liver or kidney disease, or sometimes even for a septic throat.â€�
Well, the symptoms for Science Fiction are a prowling avidity to search out and read certain occult texts; an uneasiness or excitement that permates the whole routine of life; it's the ‘itchy ears�, as mentioned in Scripture, seeking for ‘new things�. The symptoms are usually a falcon-like hunting or questing; a series of sudden tuneful encounters; a group of euphorias and buoyancies that cry in opposite directions to be hoarded like misers' treasures and simultaneously to be shared with fellow sufferers of the symptoms; feeling that the ‘World We Live In� is somehow masked and needs to be unmasked. These and other symptoms indicate either a strange disease or diseases, or they indicate a perpetually new kind of health.
Tracing the symptoms back to the ‘diseaseâ€� does indicate that the disease is multiple, that it has such names as Hard Science Fiction, Soft Science Fiction, High Fantasy, Low Fantasy, Non-Conforming Adventure Fiction. And sometimes it bears such non-consensus names as Biological Fiction, Ontological Fiction, Eschatological Fiction (did Teilhard, for instance, know that he was writing Eschatological Fiction?), Theological Fiction, or Psychological or Philosophical or Technological or Geological or Historical Fiction. These things and many others share the same complex of symptoms.”
― R.A. Lafferty, It's Down the Slippery Cellar Stairs

“Odd planet! The bipeds talked from their heads and only saw what lay before them. In short, they were pathetic—and deadly!”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Weirdest World

“The Western Empire, supported generation after generation by half a hundred of the strongest and most remarkable men in history, from Stilicho to Charlemagne, died and disintegrated and left off being the Empire.
The Eastern Empire, supported by fools and slaves and fops, and ruled by the worst and most incompetent of men and women, managed to endure and thrive for a thousand years more.”
― R.A. Lafferty, The Fall of Rome

“Es la muerte del demonio, buen Tomás. Al demonio hay que darle muerte cada día, dondequiera que se encuentre. Si un día fallamos, nuestras horas estarán llegando a su fin.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“I know how it was two years ago, Hardcrow. And I know a little about how it is now, though the worst is kept from us peasants. But how has it become worse while getting better? What has happened in between?"
"It was a series of unprecedented advances that somehow left us far in arrears, Foley; a program of wise and probably perfect moves that left us in a stupid situation; a whole array of undoubted improvements that has nearly reduced us to a shambles. Nobody knows just what has happened. And all are trying, on the advice of the best minds available, to restore some sanity to our position."
"On the advice of the same best minds available which engineered the unprecedented advances, Hardcrow? The wise and probably perfect moves, and the array of undoubted improvements?”
― R.A. Lafferty, Fourth Mansions

“There is a secret society of seven men that controls the finances of the world. This is known to everyone but the details are not known. There are some who believe that it would be better if one of those seven men were a financier.

There is a secret society of three men and four women that controls all the fashions of the world. The details of this are known to all who are in the fashion. And I am not.

There is a secret society of nineteen men that is behind all the fascist organizations in the world. The secret name of this society is Glomerule.

There is a secret society of thirteen persons known as the Elders of Edom that controls all the secret sources of the world. That the sources have become muddy is of concern to them.

There is a secret society of only four persons that manufactures all the jokes of the world. One of these persons is unfunny and he is responsible for all the unfunny jokes.

There is a secret society of eleven persons that is behind all Bolshevik and atheist societies of the world. The devil himself is a member of this society, and he works tirelessly to become a principal member. The secret name of this society is Ocean....
Chesterton said that Mankind itself was a secret society. Whether it would be better or worse if the secret should ever come out he did not say.”
― R.A. Lafferty