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238 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1977
First, the good news: I found out that I was 4F and wasn鈥檛 going off to World War II to be a soldier boy. I didn鈥檛 feel unpatriotic at all because I had fought my World War II five years before in Spain and had a couple of bullet holes in my ass to prove it.
I鈥檒l never figure out why I got shot in the ass. Anyway, it made a lousy war story. People don鈥檛 look up to you as a hero when you tell them you were shot in the ass. They don鈥檛 take you seriously but that wasn鈥檛 my problem any more at all. The war that was starting for the rest of America was over for me.
Now for the bad news: I didn鈥檛 have any bullets for my gun. I had just gotten a case that I needed my gun for but I was fresh out of bullets. The client that I was going to meet later on in the day for the first time wanted me to show up with a gun and I knew that an empty gun was not what they had in mind.
鈥淢y uncle discovered oil in Rhode Island!鈥� I yelled across at her. 鈥淚 own half of it. I鈥檓 rich. Twenty thousand cash for this pile of shit you call an apartment building! Twenty-five thousand!鈥� I yelled. 鈥淚 want to marry you and raise a whole family of little apartment buildings! I want our wedding certificate printed on a No Vacancy sign!鈥�
"She'd taken her fur coat off and underneath she was wearing a dress that showed off a knockout figure. This whole thing was just like a pulp detective story. I couldn't believe it."
Somebody should have taken him to a stationary store and pointed out the difference between an envelope and a whore.
鈥淪he wore a loose bathrobe that covered up a body that would have won first prize in a beauty contest for cement blocks.....She had a voice that made pearl harbour sound like a lullaby.鈥�
鈥淗e looked as if he'd got a lot of pleasure out of going ten rounds with your grandmother and making sure she went the whole distance.鈥�