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480 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1909
The one opened the door with a latch-key and went in, followed by a young fellow who awkwardly removed his cap. He wore rough clothes that smacked of the sea, and he was manifestly out of place in the spacious hall in which he found himself. He did not know what to do with his cap, and was stuffing it into his coat pocket when the other took it from him.
During those several weeks he saw Ruth half a dozen times, and each time was an added inspiration. She helped him with his English, corrected his pronunciation, and started him on arithmetic. But their intercourse was not all devoted to elementary study. He had seen too much of life, and his mind was too matured, to be wholly content with fractions, cube root, parsing, and analysis; and there were times when their conversation turned on other themes 鈥� the last poetry he had read, the latest poet she had studied. And when she read aloud to him her favorite passages, he ascended to the topmost heaven of delight. Never, in all the women he had heard speak, had he heard a voice like hers. The least sound of it was a stimulus to his love, and he thrilled and throbbed with every word she uttered.
鈥淚t was work performed! And now you feed me, when then you let me starve, forbade me your house, and damned me because I wouldn鈥檛 get a job. And the work was already done, all done. And now, when I speak, you check the thought unuttered on your lips and hang on my lips and pay respectful attention to whatever I choose to say. I tell you your party is rotten and filled with grafters, and instead of flying into a rage you hum and haw and admit there is a great deal in what I say. And why? Because I鈥檓 famous; because I鈥檝e a lot of money. Not because I鈥檓 Martin Eden, a pretty good fellow and not particularly a fool. I could tell you the moon is made of green cheese and you would subscribe to the notion, at least you would not repudiate it, because I鈥檝e got dollars, mountains of them. And it was all done long ago; it was work performed, I tell you, when you spat upon me as the dirt under your feet.鈥�
"But, Martin, if that be so, if all the doors are closed as you have shown so conclusively, how is it possible that any of the great writers ever arrived?"
"They arrived by achieving the impossible," he answered. "They did such blazing, glorious work as to burn to ashes those that opposed them. They arrived by course of miracle, by winning a thousand-to-one wager against them. They arrived because they were Carlyle's battle-scarred giants who will not be kept down. And that is what I must do. I must achieve the impossible."
鈥淩uth, e臒er a莽l谋臒谋 ve susuzlu臒u, s谋ca臒谋 ve so臒u臒u hissediyorsa, a艧k谋 da hissedebilir, yani bir adama a艧谋k olabilirdi. Eh Martin de bir adamd谋. Neden o adam olmas谋nd谋? 鈥樐芭焞eri iyi etmek benim elimde,鈥� diye hararetle m谋r谋ldand谋. 鈥極 adam ben olaca臒谋m. Kendimi o adam haline getirece臒im. Her 艧eyi iyi edece臒im.鈥� 鈥� (115)
鈥淣e diyordum, buradaki b眉t眉n erkek ve kad谋nlar谋n ayd谋nl谋k, 谋艧谋l 谋艧谋l oldu臒unu san谋rd谋m. Oysa 艧imdi, g枚rd眉臒眉m kadar谋yla s枚yl眉yorum ki bir avu莽 ahmakm谋艧 bunlar.鈥� (280,281) 鈥淗ayat hakk谋nda, kitaplar hakk谋nda onlardan daha fazlas谋n谋 biliyor, ald谋klar谋 e臒itimi hangi k枚艧e buca臒a, hangi kuytuya att谋klar谋n谋 merak ediyordu.鈥� (282)
鈥溍噀vresindeki d眉nyadan kopmu艧 vaziyette, sersemlemi艧 bir halde, 枚nceki hayat谋n谋n edebi gerekliliklerine a艧ina bir hayalet gibi 莽al谋艧谋yordu. Hayaletlerin 枚lm眉艧 ama 枚ld眉臒眉n眉 fark etmemi艧 insanlar谋n ruhlar谋 oldu臒unu duydu臒unu hat谋rlay谋nca, 枚ld眉 de bundan haberi olmad谋 m谋 diye anlamak i莽in bir an 莽al谋艧mas谋n谋 kesti.鈥� (401)
鈥淗i莽 konu艧madan uzun s眉re oturdular; k谋z 眉mitsizce d眉艧眉n眉yor, adamsa yok olmu艧 a艧k谋na kafa yoruyordu. Onu ger莽ekten sevmedi臒ini 艧imdi anlam谋艧t谋. Sevdi臒i 艧ey Ruth de臒il, idealize etti臒i, kendi kafas谋nda yaratt谋臒谋 uhrevi bir 艧eydi; kendi a艧k 艧iirlerindeki 谋艧谋k sa莽an ruhtu. Hakiki Ruth鈥檜, s谋n谋f谋n谋n t眉m o kusur ve zaaflar谋n谋 ta艧谋yan, o s谋n谋f谋n psikolojisinin umutsuz s谋n谋rlar谋yla k谋s谋tlanm谋艧 burjuva Ruth鈥檜 hi莽 sevmemi艧ti.鈥� (460)
Hayat谋 boyunca sevgi a莽l谋臒谋 莽ekmi艧ti. Sevgiye hasretti. Varolu艧unun temel talebiydi sevgi. Ama hi莽 sevgi g枚rmemi艧 ve zaman i莽inde kat谋la艧m谋艧t谋. Sevgiye ihtiya莽 duydu臒unu fark etmemi艧ti bile. 艦imdi de bilmiyordu. Sadece sevginin nas谋l ifade edildi臒ini g枚rm眉艧, y眉re臒i hoplam谋艧 ve ne kadar g眉zeli y眉ce ve muhte艧em bir 艧ey oldu臒unu d眉艧眉nm眉艧t眉.
Onlardanm谋艧莽as谋na sahte davran谋艧lar i莽ine giremezdi. Bu kisve ba艧ar谋l谋 olamayaca臒谋 gibi kendi do臒as谋na ayk谋r谋yd谋. Sahte ve i莽tenliksiz davran谋艧lara yer yoktu onda.
艦u g眉ne艧in alt谋ndaki hi莽bir sebep sadece t眉rde艧lerim 莽o臒unluk olarak onu be臒eniyor veya be臒enmesi gerekti臒ine inan谋yor diye o be臒eniyi benim de taklit etmemi gerektirmez. Ho艧land谋臒谋m ya da ho艧lanmad谋臒谋m 艧eylerde moday谋 takip edecek de臒ilim.