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´³´Ç²â’s comments from the I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! group.

I also just posted my second short story. It's different from the first: mainly it involves young adults as opposed to adults. I'm not sure of the title yet (it's always the hardest part!), but I think Sweet Sixteen is a better description than Swimming, it's original title.

The story is realistic fiction and I'd love for everyone to take a look at it!

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...

Thanks!

Thanks!

Okay- another revision!

I went back and tried to explain (subtly) the difference in Claire's initial, and therefore snowballing reaction to the pregnancy.

sounds good, thanks!

I originally had Grace and the cousin get together, but then I garnered some criticism for Grace "needing a man" and I found that interesting, so I didn't go that way...maybe I'll leave it more open ended.

Also true about Claire, I never really thought about it- I just thought it would be an interesting change, but I'll think about it and get back to it.


I'm also currently working on another short story that I think is promising. I'll let you know about any updates!

Thank you. I agree. I wanted it to be different with Claire and Glenn and this seemed much more appropriate. After all- Grace's wish would not affect Claire's life at all (at least in this instance).

Anything else you think needs some work? What about Jason's cousin...does he fit in or is it just odd?

I've updated my story! I tried fixing the dialogue a little bit. Some parts still go back and forth, but I think it's better for the most part. I also changed the ending a bit with Claire and Glenn, something that makes more sense now that I think about it. I just put it under Chapter 2 as opposed to creating a new story. Here's the link and thanks for all the feedback!

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

That's interesting. I can see your point, but I also feel that too much prose between dialogue sort of breaks it up too much; it doesn't have a nice flow to it. I think we just need to find a right balance.

Aly ♫SOCCER GOALIE♫SOFTBALL CATCHER� wrote: "Just a quick question...isn't this supposed to be in the next category for letters. Joy come after H...just wondering..."

You're totally right! I don't know why I did that...wow, what a genius I am! I think what happened was that I was just going through the different categories and hit new topic in the wrong one. I swear I know my ABCs!

Rita- thanks for the tip again! I've heard of Purple Prose. I think a friend of mine was criticized for that in one of my writing classes in school...

Will do!

Oh- I had a question about the dialog. You told CJ that dialog should reflect the way we actually speak. Do you feel the same about my work (that is- it's not realistic enough). I'm curious because I've been told many times that my dialogue is actually realistic. Just wondering if I should suddenly rethink it!

thanks for the tip- I'll keep it in mind during the re-write!

Hi! My name's Joy and I, like the rest of you, am an aspiring writer. I do prose. Mostly novels, but I've branched out into short stories (mostly because I know they have to end at some point, wheres my novels just go on and on...). I only have one story linked here for now, but I will be posting more shortly (I hope). I'm 23 and a teacher in New York, but my real passion is writing (which I why I love having summers off! I get to work on it).

I hope you like my work!

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...