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I almost tell her that fun doesn’t equate to happiness; at the very least, it lends you happiness and I want to know how to keep it. I’ve googled “How to be happy�; I’ve taken walks in the park and written long gratitude lists; I’m consuming more fruits and vegetables and going to bed early; I’ve given out compliments and practiced mindful breathing. I have tried to fix myself.
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I can’t comprehend living to work, but then I’m afraid of working just to live.
For some reason, at night, when you’re meant to be sleeping, your brain wants answers to everything.
It’s like they say, one man’s whore is another woman’s inspiration.
“Maddie.� Nia looks at me with pity. “A white person can date a Black person and still be racist.� “Because there’s levels to that shit. Like a lasagna.� I frown but Shu says, “Stay with me. So, on the top, that cheesy layer, that’s what you can see clearly. Hate speech, mad looks, and violence. Obvious stuff you can’t ignore. But all them layers underneath, the ones that are harder to see, microaggression and unconscious bias? Giving your white girlfriend jewelry, boat rides, and meet-and-greets with the family, but your Black girlfriend pasta in your house? Racism, hun.� I’m still not
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