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I felt anger at what he’d done—so much anger it burned. He had hurt innocent children by his actions, and then continued to avoid responsibility. I felt sad, too. Sad that Josh had become such a monster, sad that even with all the chances Josh had been given to change, he had thrown them away as he continued down a dark, terrible road. Like the rest of the world, I was finally able to see my eldest brother for what he was—a man unable to control himself, totally detached from the reality of how deeply he was hurting others.
I hated to be walking through such a painful experience again, and I hated that it had dragged my entire extended family in too, but I was thankful that I could look back and notice the growth, the positive changes in some areas of my relationships and in myself. And that gave me more hope for the future.
It was becoming increasingly clear that the safest place for Josh, and those around him, was prison.
Wouldn’t it be good to be free from all this struggle and heartache? Is ignorance really bliss? I know the answer is no, just like I know that I must at times sacrifice a degree of closeness in my relationship with Mom. And I also know that any time I want to get together there’s a chance emotions will get stirred up again. It’s all part of the cost that we count these days, and I pray this troubled season won’t last. I believe there are better days ahead. I
