I’d hoped the diagnosis would be a fix-all, that I would no longer feel so desperate to be in complete control all the time, and that I would stop making impulsive decisions based on the fact that it made me feel like I was in charge of my own life for a minute. That didn’t happen. Instead, I would kind of know why I was doing something, but I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing it. I kept on doing too many things and fixating on the things that made me feel like I had power.
