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Kindle Notes & Highlights
If you struggle to set boundaries, it may be because you directly or indirectly got the message that you aren’t important and don’t deserve to be treated well, your needs or feelings don’t matter or should come second, you shouldn’t ask for anything (and if you do, you won’t get it or will be ignored or shamed for asking), and some people matter more than others.
When you make choices out of guilt, you’re letting someone else decide what’s right or wrong for you; you’re letting their ideas dictate how you should live your life. But accepting that you have the same personal rights as everyone else means you have the right to make your own choices as a mature adult who knows what’s best for yourself.
Don’t sugarcoat a difficult person’s behavior. You need to name the behavior for what it is: control, manipulation, and abuse. Doing this makes it clear that their behavior is unacceptable, not your fault, and not something you can change.
Or you might tell a friend who gets anxious if you don’t respond to her text messages immediately that you’re not ignoring her, but trying to limit how much time you spend on your phone and will usually get back to her within two hours.
