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“Do you think it would be possible for anyone to love you if they could see every single thing you do?â€� And I watch them cringe as though I’ve reached out and struck them. ‘I’m serious,â€� I say. ‘Imagine that everyone could see everything. Every secret, every base physical ejection, every category of porn you’ve ever looked at in a kind of coma when you’re numb to the normal stuff. Think about it all. Every moment of shame, of desperation â€� do you really think anyone could love you still? Anyone at all?â€� 3 I remember what it was like when I first loved Ciaran, before he left me that first time at Christmas, when I’d miss him so much when he went anywhere.”