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“Those brief daunting moments were the few ephemeral instances when I clearly felt the agony of my addiction. At every other point in time, I was running too fast, too hard to notice whether anything was wrong. It may have been denial, or I may have just been too blazed to rationally explain things, but for the most part, the cost of my addiction went unnoticed, and I focused instead on its rewards. Externally, I had it all together. My friends would imitate me, copying my colloquialisms and my mannerisms in order to attract girls themselves.”