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“At the beginning of one session when I asked carelessly, 'How are you?' Archie gently reminded me of my insensitivity. 'That's a difficult question, to which I only have a complicated answer.' I should have known better. The number of times friends and clients have told me people ask, 'How are you?' and they want to scream, 'How the hell do you think I am, given...?
I asked Archie if there was a better question, remembering the Sheryl Sandberg suggestion: 'How are you today?'
He said, 'I don't think people really want to hear the answer. They want to hear you're fine so they don't have to put a lot of effort in. I've noticed people tend to stay away now. My social network has shrunk. It isn't deliberate. They feel helpless... If they ask I tend to talk around the edges.'
I was moved by the truth of his words, and how isolating suffering can be. I told him I really wanted to know.”