ŷ������

“As far as I can tell, there are two basic rules: 1. Don’t bite anything without permission, and 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it’s very powerful, and should be used sparingly.��

Ben’s eyes suddenly grew bright with panic. I winced, and said, “She’s standing behind me, isn’t she?��

“‘The human tongue is like wasabi,’�� Lacey mimicked in a deep, goofy voice that I hoped didn’t really resemble mine.

I wheeled around. “I actually think Ben’s tongue is like sunscreen,�� she said. “It’s good for your health and should be applied liberally.��

“I just threw up in my mouth,�� Radar said.

“Lacey, you just kind of took away my will to go on,�� I added.

“I wish I could stop imagining that,�� Radar said.

I said, “The very idea is so offensive that it’s actually illegal to say the words ‘Ben Starling’s tongue�� on television.��

“The penalty for violating that law is either ten years in prison or one Ben Starling tongue bath,�� Radar said.

“Everyone,�� I said.

“Chooses,�� Radar said, smiling.

“Prison,�� we finished together.

And then Lacey kissed Ben in front of us. “Oh God,�� Radar said, waving his arms in front of his face. “Oh, God. I’m blind. I’m blind.��

“Please stop,�� I said. “You’re upsetting the black Santas.”