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Readers' Most Anticipated Books for Spring

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  • #1
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
    3725 likes

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  • #2
    Golda Meir
    “Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”
    ― Golda Meir
    tags: funny, golda, meir, true
    3537 likes

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  • #3
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: funny, humour, infidelity, parenthood, parenting, sexuality
    2200 likes

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  • #4
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn鈥檛 make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8933 likes

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  • #5
    Lemony Snicket
    “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
    ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
    tags: funny
    6424 likes

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  • #6
    Rachel Caine
    “Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane”
    ― Rachel Caine, Glass Houses
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    2418 likes

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  • #7
    John Green
    “What the hell is that?" I laughed.
    "It's my fox hat."
    "Your fox hat?"
    "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
    "Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
    "Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny, humor
    7003 likes

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  • #8
    John Green
    “It's not because I want to make out with her."
    Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny
    4089 likes

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  • #9
    Rachel Caine
    “Want to play baseball?鈥欌€� she asked. Shane鈥檚 eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. 鈥淲hat?鈥欌€� 鈥淔irst base,鈥欌€� she said. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e already there.鈥欌€� 鈥淚鈥檓 not running the bases.鈥欌€� 鈥淲ell, you could at least steal second.鈥欌€� 鈥淛eez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you鈥檝e gone and ruined it.”
    ― Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires, sweet
    722 likes

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  • #10
    William Shakespeare
    “Thine face is not worth sunburning.”
    ― William Shakespeare, Henry V
    tags: funny, henry-v, shakespeare
    285 likes

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  • #11
    Francine Pascal
    “It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.”
    ― Francine Pascal, Fearless
    tags: bleeding, cool, ed-fargo, fearless, funny
    129 likes

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  • #12
    Cathy Guisewite
    “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
    ― Cathy Guiswite
    tags: eyes, funny, lemons
    5202 likes

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  • #13
    Rachel Caine
    “Perv."
    He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?”
    ― Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    1999 likes

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  • #14
    Gena Showalter
    “Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
    1. You're wearing that?
    2. Something smells funny.
    3. Where's the Tylenol?
    4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
    5. I have a confession to make鈥�
    6. My dad has a suit just like that.
    7. That man is hot. Look at him.
    8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever鈥�
    9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
    10. You're how old?”
    ― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
    tags: dating, funny
    1535 likes

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  • #15
    Orson Scott Card
    “Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
    Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
    Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
    ― Orson Scott Card
    tags: advent-rising, funny, humour, stupid
    812 likes

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  • #16
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7614 likes

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  • #17
    Lauren Myracle
    “You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
    ― Lauren Myracle, ttfn
    tags: funny, humor, waffles
    1449 likes

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  • #18
    Robert Benchley
    “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
    ― Robert Benchley
    tags: bleeding, funny, humor, opera, stabbed
    1984 likes

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  • #19
    Mark Jeffrey
    “. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?”
    ― Mark Jeffrey
    tags: funny, max-quick, two-travelers
    29 likes

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  • #20
    Bill Cosby
    “A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
    ― Bill Cosby
    tags: funny
    2948 likes

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  • #21
    Wendy Mass
    “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
    All the time.”
    ― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
    tags: flotsam, funny, humor, jeremy-fink, jetsam, keys, lizzy, wendy-mass, what-i-always-think
    2116 likes

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  • #22
    John Green
    “They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: awesomeness, funny
    6237 likes

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  • #23
    Charlaine Harris
    “If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down鈥攐r cheeks up.”
    ― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
    tags: funny, sookie-eric
    1002 likes

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  • #24
    Bill Watterson
    “When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
    ― Bill Watterson
    tags: calvin-and-hobbes, funny, humor, lemons, life
    788 likes

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  • #25
    Rachel Vincent
    “The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.”
    ― Rachel Vincent, Stray
    tags: funny
    569 likes

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  • #26
    Dave Barry
    “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
    ― Dave Barry
    tags: funny, humour, jokes
    546 likes

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  • #27
    Marilyn Monroe
    “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: dirty, funny, logo, sex
    6875 likes

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  • #28
    Stephen Chbosky
    “On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.”
    ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
    tags: friday, funny, reading, television
    242 likes

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  • #29
    George Carlin
    “That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
    ― George Carlin
    3725 likes

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  • #30
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8850 likes



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crime
funny
humour
neighborhoods
golda
meir
true
infidelity
parenthood
parenting
sexuality
automobile
car
humor
religious
morganvillevampires
sweet
henry-v
shakespeare
bleeding
cool
ed-fargo
fearless
eyes
lemons
dating
advent-rising
stupid
classic-insult
funeral
waffles
opera
stabbed
max-quick
two-travelers
flotsam
jeremy-fink
jetsam
keys
lizzy
wendy-mass
what-i-always-think
awesomeness
sookie-eric
calvin-and-hobbes
life
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dirty
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humanity