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“With school turning out more runners, jumpers, racers, tinkerers, grabbers, snatchers, fliers, and swimmers instead of examiners, critics, knowers, and imaginative creators, the word 'intellectual,' of course, became the swear word it deserved to be.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“Throw away the light, the definitions, and say what you see in the dark.”
― Wallace Stevens

“I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Time doth flit; oh shit.”
― Dorothy Parker

“A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.”
― Dorothy Parker

“I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.”
― Dorothy Parker, Here Lies: The Collected Stories of Dorothy Parker

“His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Women and elephants never forget.”
― Dorothy Parker

“She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?”
― Dorothy Parker

“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”
― Dorothy Parker

“All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends. ”
― Dorothy Parker

“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Her big heart did not, as is so sadly often the case, inhabit a big bosom.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker

“I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker

“The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.”
― Dorothy Parker

“I shudder at the thought of men....
I'm due to fall in love again”
― Dorothy Parker

“I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.”
― Dorothy Parker, Collected Stories

“You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Algonquin Wits

“Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on days so hot their high heels sink a half-inch into the pavement.

The trick is to do all the talking yourself. Pretty soon, they'll look at their watches and say, 'Speaking of end times, wouldja look at what time it is now!”
― Celia Rivenbark, Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments

“The world is divided into men who have wit and no religion and men who have religion and no wit. ”
― AVICENNA

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
― Douglas Adams

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”
― Oscar Wilde

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
― Sid Ziff

“I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”
― G.K. Chesterton

“O Deep Thought computer," he said, "the task we have designed you to perform is this. We want you to tell us...." he paused, "The Answer."
"The Answer?" said Deep Thought. "The Answer to what?"
"Life!" urged Fook.
"The Universe!" said Lunkwill.
"Everything!" they said in chorus.
Deep Thought paused for a moment's reflection.
"Tricky," he said finally.
"But can you do it?"
Again, a significant pause.
"Yes," said Deep Thought, "I can do it."
"There is an answer?" said Fook with breathless excitement.
"Yes," said Deep Thought. "Life, the Universe, and Everything. There is an answer. But, I'll have to think about it."
...
Fook glanced impatiently at his watch.
“How long?� he said.
“Seven and a half million years,� said Deep Thought.
Lunkwill and Fook blinked at each other.
“Seven and a half million years...!� they cried in chorus.
“Yes,� declaimed Deep Thought, “I said I’d have to think about it, didn’t I?"

[Seven and a half million years later.... Fook and Lunkwill are long gone, but their descendents continue what they started]

"We are the ones who will hear," said Phouchg, "the answer to the great question of Life....!"
"The Universe...!" said Loonquawl.
"And Everything...!"
"Shhh," said Loonquawl with a slight gesture. "I think Deep Thought is preparing to speak!"
There was a moment's expectant pause while panels slowly came to life on the front of the console. Lights flashed on and off experimentally and settled down into a businesslike pattern. A soft low hum came from the communication channel.

"Good Morning," said Deep Thought at last.
"Er..good morning, O Deep Thought" said Loonquawl nervously, "do you have...er, that is..."
"An Answer for you?" interrupted Deep Thought majestically. "Yes, I have."
The two men shivered with expectancy. Their waiting had not been in vain.
"There really is one?" breathed Phouchg.
"There really is one," confirmed Deep Thought.
"To Everything? To the great Question of Life, the Universe and everything?"
"Yes."
Both of the men had been trained for this moment, their lives had been a preparation for it, they had been selected at birth as those who would witness the answer, but even so they found themselves gasping and squirming like excited children.
"And you're ready to give it to us?" urged Loonsuawl.
"I am."
"Now?"
"Now," said Deep Thought.
They both licked their dry lips.
"Though I don't think," added Deep Thought. "that you're going to like it."
"Doesn't matter!" said Phouchg. "We must know it! Now!"
"Now?" inquired Deep Thought.
"Yes! Now..."
"All right," said the computer, and settled into silence again. The two men fidgeted. The tension was unbearable.
"You're really not going to like it," observed Deep Thought.
"Tell us!"
"All right," said Deep Thought. "The Answer to the Great Question..."
"Yes..!"
"Of Life, the Universe and Everything..." said Deep Thought.
"Yes...!"
"Is..." said Deep Thought, and paused.
"Yes...!"
"Is..."
"Yes...!!!...?"
"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
― George Carlin

“Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.”
― George Carlin

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin