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“I've got kids that enjoy stealing. I've got kids that don't think about stealing one way or the other, and I've got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they've got nothing else to do. But nobody--and I mean nobody--has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He...steals too much.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned no later than the last date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch," Carrot drew himself up proudly, "because someone's taken a book? You think that's worse than murder?"
The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who said things like "What's so bad about genocide?”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“There are many horrible sights in the multiverse. Somehow, though, to a soul attuned to the subtle rhythms of a library, there are few worse sights than a hole where a book ought to be.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned secondhand bookshop, one that looks as though they were designed by M. Escher on a bad day and has more stairways than storeys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full-sized human to enter. The relevant equation is: Knowledge = power = energy = matter = mass; a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“... the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky secondhand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world after taking a wrong turning in their own bookshops in worlds where it is considered commendable business practice to wear carpet slippers all the time and open your shop only when you feel like it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Thunder rolled . . It rolled a six.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth. The problem lay in working out what was impossible, of course. That was the trick, all right. There was also the curious incident of the orangutan in the night-time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“I'm not bloody well going to have it, understand?" Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth.

"Oook," the Librarian pointed out, patiently.

"What? Oh. Sorry." Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn't make an issue out of it because a man angry enough to lift 300 pounds of orangutan without noticing is a man with too much on his mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on the contents of the choicer books and leaving behind them piles of small slim volumes of literary criticism.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“They avoided one another's faces, for fear of what they might see mirrored there. Each man thought: one of the others is bound to say something soon, some protest, and then I'll murmur agreement, not actually say anything, I'm not stupid as that, but definitely murmur very firmly, so that the others will be in no doubt that I thoroughly disapprove, because at a time like this it behooves all decent men to nearly stand up and be almost heard...
No one said anything. The cowards, thought each man.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“She couldn't do any worse, but then, he couldn't do better. So maybe it balanced out.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Right. And our first job is to teach her to give a speech on the Grand Balcony in three days.â€�
“That does not sound too difficult. Has she done much public speaking?�
Amilia forced a smile. “A week ago she said the word no.”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Rise of Empire

“Breathe the air, taste the wine, kiss the girls, and always remember that the tales of another are never as wondrous as your own.”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Rise of Empire

“Aren’t you going to say, I told you so?â€� Hadrian whispered.
“What would be the point in that?�
“Oh, so you’re saying that you’re going to hang on to this and throw it at me at some future, more personally beneficial moment?�
“I don’t see the point in wasting it now, do you?”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Theft of Swords

“So,â€� Royce said, “you want us to escape from this prison, kidnap the king, cross the countryside with him in tow while dodging soldiers who I assume might not accept our side of the story, and go to another secret prison so that he can visit an inmate?â€�
Arista did not appear amused. “Either that, or you can be tortured to death in four hours.�
“Sounds like a really good plan to me,� Hadrian declared.“Royce?�
“I like any plan where I don’t die a horrible death.”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Theft of Swords

“If this hast been done to language, I fear to know the fate of all else.”
― Michael J. Sullivan, Theft of Swords