Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

“I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU.
She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on.
'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'
ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.
'Oh ...'
THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON.
'Ah...'
IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.
'Really ...?'
IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“Just a minute," said Lobsang. "Who are you? Time has stopped, the world is given over to...fairy tales and monsters, and there's a schoolteacher walking around?"

"Best kind of person to have," said Susan. "We don't like silliness. Anyway, I told you. I've inherited certain talents."

"Like living outside of time?"

"That's one of them."

"It's a weird talent for a schoolteacher!"

"Good for marking, though," said Susan calmly.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“SOD YOU, THEN, Death said.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

“Firstly,â€� said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.â€�
“Do? We are the premier college of magic!� said Ridcully.
“But do we teach?�
“Only if no alternative presents itself,� said the Dean. “We show ‘em where the library is, give ‘em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.�
“Metaphorically, sir?� said Ponder.
“Yes. But technically, of course, it’s locked.�
“Explain to him that we don’t do things, Stibbons,â€� said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “We are academics.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Blink of the Screen: Collected Shorter Fiction

“Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

“I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.'
'That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.
'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

“Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch..."

Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

“Upstairs, in what had been until then the cash office, Young Sam slept peacefully in a makeshift bed. One day, Vimes hoped, he would be able to tell him that on one special night he'd been guarded by four troll watchmen. They'd been off duty but volunteered to come in for this, and were just itching for some dwarfs to try anything. Sam hoped the boy would be impressed; the most other kids could hope for was angels.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

“Welcome to fear, Moist said to himself. It's hope, turned inside out.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in.”
― Terry Pratchett

“There was something pleasant about an empty classroom. Of course, as any teacher would point out, one nice thing was that there were no children in it.”
― Terry Pratchett

“There are no maps. You can't map a sense of humor.”
― Terry Pratchett

“All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.”
― Terry Pratchett

“never ask the tight-rope walker how he keeps his balance. if he stops to think about it, he falls off”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“Click.

The salamander flared, etching the room with searing white light and dark shadows.

Otto screamed. He fell to the floor, clutching at his throat. He sprang to his feet, goggle-eyed and gasping, and staggered, knock-kneed and wobbly-legged, the length of the room and back again. He sank down behind a desk , scattering paperwork with a wildly flailing hand.

"Aarghaarghaaaargh..."

There was a shocked silence.

Otto stood up, adjusted his cravat, and dusted himself off. Only then did he look up at the row of shocked faces.

"Vel?" he said sternly. "Vat are you all looking at? It is just a normal reaction, zat is all. I am vorking on it. Light in all its forms is mine passion. Light is my canvas, shadows are my brush."

But strong light hurts you!" said Sacharissa. "It hurts vampires!"

"Yes. It iss a bit of a bugger, but zere you go.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a pickaxe, for the extraction of interesting minerals, and the other side was a war axe, because the people who owned the land with the valuable minerals in it can be so unreasonable sometimes.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“That was a dhlang!" he said. "An evil spirit! The peasants down in the valleys hang up charms against them! But I thought they were just a superstition!"

"No, they're a substition," said Susan. "I mean they're real, but hardly anyone really believes them. Mostly everyone believes in things that aren't real. Something very strange is going on. Those things are all over the place, and they've got bodies. That's not right. We've got to find the person who built the clock - "

"And, er, what are you, Miss Susan?"

"Me? I'm...a schoolteacher."

She followed his gaze to the wrench that she still carried in her hand, and shrugged.

"It can get pretty rough at break time, can it?" said Lobsang.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“Er, why do you need to work in a dark room, though?" he said. "The imps don't need it, do they?"

"Ah, zis is for my experiment," said Otto proudly. "You know zat another term for an iconographer would be 'photographer'? From the old word photos in Latation, vhich means - "

"'To prance around like a pillock ordering everyone about as if you owned the place'", said William.

"Ah, you know it!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“HAVE YOU EVER BITTEN REDHOT ICE CUBE? THAT'S CURRY.”
― Terry Pratchett

“He sat back and drank the really horrible tea the dwarfs made. Just for a moment there was an unusual feeling on bliss. Strange word, he thought. It's one of those words that described something that does not make a noise but if it did make a noise would sound just like that. Bliss. It's like the sound of a soft meringue melting gently on a warm plate.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.

BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.

"Excuse me?" said the shining figure in white.

But you are all alone here!

"Excuse me?"

YES? said Death. WHAT IS IT?

"This is the Apocalypse, yes?" said the shining figure petulantly.

WE ARE TALKING.

"Yes, right, but is it the Apocalypse? The actual end of the actual whole world?"

No, said the Auditor.

YES, said Death. IT IS.

"Great!" said the figure.

What? said the Auditor.

WHAT? said Death.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“It's rude to stare," said the troll. Its mouth opened with a little crest of foam, and shut again in exactly the same way that water closes over a stone.
"Is it? Why?" asked Rincewind. How does he hold himself together, his mind screamed at him. Why doesn't he spill?”
― Terry Pratchett

“Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm.

"Hello, Washpot," she said. "What's up?"

"...looks like a twist of lemon..." said a damp voice from the shadows.

"Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit.

"And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

“It's not gambling to play
against someone who's no good. It's common sense.”
― Terry Pratchett

“What we're going to do is keep the peace. That's our job. We're not going to be heroes, we're just going to be ... normal.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Don't you squire me. There's something going on down here, something wrong; I can feel it in my boots and, believe me, they're the most sensitive boots that ever were. The man who runs the village pub knows everything - I know that and so do you. If you're not on my side you're in my way and you know something, I can see it in your eyes. If it turns out you knew something of importance about the blacksmith you'll have invited yourself to be an accessory after the fact, with a free option, if I can get the bit between my teeth, of before the fact, which leaves you right in the middle, and that's a fact.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

“Young Sam at this point had tired of petticoat company and had drifted over to an elderly goblin man who was working on a pot, and was watching with extreme fascination to the apparent pleasure, as far as Vimes could tell, of the elderly goblin. That's a lesson to us...I don't know what kind of lesson, but it's a lesson, he thought.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

“There was a steady drizzle when they left for the tower. Moist drove the cart, with the others sitting on the load behind him and bickering over trigonometry. Moist tried not to listen; he got lost when maths started to get silly.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“And then there was the much spoken of lock-up. It looked like a giant pepperpot built of stone. A flowering creeper grew up it, and, next to the door and restrained by a chain, there was an enormous pig. When it saw their approach it got on its hind legs, and, tottering somewhat, begged.

"This is Masher," said Feeney. "His father was a wild boar, his mother was surprised.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

“He sat down on the turf, relishing the breeze through the gorse bushes and sucking in pure fresh air. Whatever you thought about goblins, their cave had the kind of atmosphere about which people say, "I should wait two minutes before going in there, if I was you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff